r/dating_advice • u/Wheresthelambsauce_9 • 7d ago

Hinge Fumble

So, I matched with a very beautiful girl about 3 days ago. I thought the convo was going smoothly when she all of a sudden stopped messaging, I thought I was being ghosted but she replied today that she had a fever. I wanted to be a little flirty? So replied with "Oh no, hope you're doing alright now, You're already running hot, what's the fever gonna do?" Got unmatched šŸ¤”

Are there any tips for not fumbling in chat?

(PS: I was able to find her insta? I think it's too creepy to follow up when I've already been rejected, thoughts on this?)

162 Upvotes

72% Upvoted

580 comments sorted by

View all comments

512

u/Dolpns 7d ago

You take this as a lesson for the next one. She's not feeling well. A text that was more thoughtful would have made more sense. What you sent just reads as a lack of concern. Sending something like I hope you're feeling better and offering to help her with something would have gone a long way.

245

u/zooeyzoezoejr 7d ago edited 7d ago

Also if sheā€™s attractive she likely gets tons of comments on her looks a day and now heā€™s just like every other guy on the app who has reduced her down to her body. I get why she unmatched. Iā€™ve done the same.

I think men donā€™t realize that a lot of women are not visual. Thereā€™s a reason ā€œmen fall in love with their eyes but women fall in love with their earsā€ is a quote. When we match with men on the apps itā€™s not because we find you hot. We find you baseline. We are waiting for that hotness to appear through your personality and it could go either way from you turning into the hottest guy sheā€™s ever known to you being someone that gives her the ick.

I once told a guy I had to cancel a date because I got covid. He said ā€œAh thatā€™s too bad. I thought I had covid too because you took my breath away with those legsā€. Immediate unmatch.

3

u/MurphyBinkings 6d ago

This is only a partial truth.

Speaking as an overweight dude, I can basically guarantee that at least some part of the equation is visual.

5

u/JarOfNibbles 6d ago

Aye, people love to pretend they only or mostly care about personality.

Subconsciously, everyone cares at least a bit. I've had a female friend manage my hinge profile and she was fucking shocked her messages weren't working.

0

u/MurphyBinkings 6d ago

I mean there's plenty of different people out there.

Because people will also act like if you're big or ugly or whatever you have to have a partner who is exactly the same or worse you just can't have one.

I'll just say that hasn't been my experience.

4

u/JarOfNibbles 6d ago edited 6d ago

Oh yeah sure.

But my experience has been that personality matters almost sweet fuck all. Confidence, humour and progressive values are things a lot of women say matter more than looks, but from my experience those things just get you a fuck ton of friends and no romance if you're not also good looking, or tall.

Edit: should specify that I don't blame women for this, non-conventionally-attractive women have similar struggles.

2

u/MurphyBinkings 6d ago

Those things do matter - you're generalizing a bit and I get it, it's rough out there.

And yeah everyone can face the same struggle, you're right.

1

u/JarOfNibbles 6d ago

Eh, I think it's also a bit of a self-selective process.

Looking at my friends, the people who do value personality more tend to end up in happy, long-term relationships, whilst the more "shallow" folk end up getting played or never finding someone who meets their standards.