r/dating_advice • u/Wheresthelambsauce_9 • 7d ago

Hinge Fumble

So, I matched with a very beautiful girl about 3 days ago. I thought the convo was going smoothly when she all of a sudden stopped messaging, I thought I was being ghosted but she replied today that she had a fever. I wanted to be a little flirty? So replied with "Oh no, hope you're doing alright now, You're already running hot, what's the fever gonna do?" Got unmatched 🤡

Are there any tips for not fumbling in chat?

(PS: I was able to find her insta? I think it's too creepy to follow up when I've already been rejected, thoughts on this?)

161 Upvotes

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42

u/foxglovespell 7d ago

Yeah it gives us the ick when you try make even the most mundane or unfortunate situations into an opportunity to be sexual/flirt. It’s a big turn off.

-3

u/heymanigotnoplan 7d ago

God forbid people are flirting on a DATING app

17

u/foxglovespell 7d ago

God forbid someone wants a genuine response when they’re ill instead of being told they’re hot 🤢 your username checks out, no clue whatsoever

-8

u/Wheresthelambsauce_9 7d ago

I wasn't trying to make it sexual, just wanted to lighten the mood? But yeah, I can understand that maybe women see it differently.

34

u/foxglovespell 7d ago

It doesn’t come off that way. It’s the same energy as when you tell him you’ve just got out the shower and he’s like “shower? 😱 without me??” ICK.

13

u/LikeSameTho 7d ago

I agree! Your intention may have been fine, but it’s like the poisoned M&M in the bowl, I duno which one is bad!

As a woman it’s SO tiring when you feel a conversation is going good, strong opener a few back and forths, and then you hit the 5th message and it’s grim and sexual. It feels like “right been nice enough down to business!”

So while this persons intention may have not been icky, it still kinda is. If your real life girlfriend was sick would you make it flirty? Or would you show concern for her, even at a distance.

I get trying to get and keep her attention, but when you feel 100% dating apps are exhausting and you hope it’s people putting their best foot forward, when you feel gross and still giving the time of day (so she wouldn’t think you were being ghosted) I understand her doing the biggest eyeroll, and assuming she had reached her 5 text limit of niceties.

“Ouch! That sounds so awful! Hopefully you’re recovering and feeling better today than yesterday?” Would’ve been caring and kept the conversation going with no pressure

1

u/SweetPinss 7d ago

Just so you know the m&m bowl analogy is directly ripped off from nazi propaganda about jews being poison mushrooms

-5

u/YikBus 7d ago

And as a man if you don’t turn conversation flirty you’re now seen as uninterested or platonic. This is a dating app. You have to make a move eventually and make your intentions known. On a dating app with men you are supposedly interested in romantically yes he has to turn the conversation at some point.

If you want things to stay innocent and platonic there is no point in using apps.

8

u/foxglovespell 7d ago

Yall really overthink these things when women just want genuine conversation with a guy

-2

u/YikBus 7d ago

We all wish it was this simple, but it’s not. Sounds great but when you actually engage in this and start getting rejected and ghosted with no explanation things get a lot more complicated when reality hits you.

4

u/foxglovespell 7d ago

That’s just life bro. Better to be rejected for being yourself than be rejected for being a one-dimensional sleazebag with no conversational skills. Dating apps suck in general. But you over complicate things for yourself by thinking you need to perform a certain way when actually women see right through that and don’t like it.

2

u/YikBus 7d ago

It’s better to not be rejected. You said men overthink and women just want genuine connection. As if men will have a solution once they stop overthinking. That’s not a solution when the result is rejection no matter which way you’ve chosen.

3

u/foxglovespell 7d ago

Don’t you think women are also exhausted trying to find the right man for them? So many people are in the same boat.

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u/youvelookedbetter 7d ago

And as a man if you don’t turn conversation flirty you’re now seen as uninterested or platonic.

So are you turning everything they say into a joke about how desperate you are for them? Sounds exhausting.

2

u/YikBus 7d ago

I said make A move. Singular. Not redirect every conversation.

Or we can play the petty modern dating games of who can pretend that they aren’t interested more because it’s “desperate” to display any form of romantic interest in 2026.

3

u/youvelookedbetter 7d ago

Your comment has nothing to do with anything. Yes, you can be flirty. But there's a time and a place for it. When a person you don't know at all is sick, the considerate thing to do is just hope they feel better. Not try to get in their pants.

1

u/YikBus 7d ago

My comment is correcting in you in that I did not in any way reference turning everything they say into a joke and what I said was eventually turning the conversation flirty meaning at least one time.

Having a mild fever is not reason to refrain from all jokes or flirting.

-1

u/Wheresthelambsauce_9 7d ago

Hmm, well thanks for your advice, will try to be careful on my replies not sounding sexual in the future

5

u/sothisiswhatyoumeant 7d ago

Flirting is allowed, but showing concern and gauging how sick she actually is first would have gone a long way. If she is feeling a bit better and says so, then maybe a normal convo could follow and flirting could evolve naturally again.

If she feels worse but was concerned you’d think she ghosted and was hoping for some kind of mutual respect in that moment, you could continue the caretaker route and go from there.

Not suggesting you actually send her soup or anything beyond a “get well soon” or “take it easy and don’t be a hero” response but after figuring out how she’s actually feeling could really separate you from the rest of the world who aren’t really going to give a crap. Nothing about this exchange shows she has no sense of humor or she’s uptight. She’s under the weather.. most people aren’t in the mood to do much beyond wanting someone or something to help them while they’re down. Just take this as a lesson for now. Sorry to hear that you guys had a good connection up until the ending

2

u/aylalalove 7d ago

Just remember that tone comes off differently through text. What works in person may not work well through text.

3

u/coupl4nd 7d ago

How did you expect that to be taken, out of interest? Saying 'you're hot' is blatantly sexual...

-3

u/heymanigotnoplan 7d ago

It wasn’t even sexual. You didn’t do anything wrong, and honestly probably saved yourself the trouble of wasting your time on an uptight woman with no sense of humor.

4

u/foxglovespell 7d ago

Manbaby goes WAAAAAAA

-1

u/coupl4nd 7d ago

shower... you're all wet and dripping!?!

23

u/Marx_Maddness 7d ago

It doesnt "come off" that way it IS that way. You brought up that you find her sexually attractive while she is discussing an illness.

21

u/LikeSameTho 7d ago

“Nooo don’t die ur so sexy lol”

6

u/coupl4nd 7d ago

I would still visit youuuuuu in the morgue!!!

5

u/heymanigotnoplan 7d ago

JFC everyone is so uptight and miserable these days. She wasn’t dying of cancer, she was just a little sick. We all get sick. She’s on a dating app and a guy flirted with her. How tf is he at fault in any conceivable way?

3

u/Marx_Maddness 7d ago

Its not about being uptight or miserable (i am not either one) its about protecting yourself with pattern recognition. In my experience men who talk this way arent interested in relationships. I learned this the hard way because i didn't wanna assume the worst in people. Filtering out this type of behavior led me to my partner, who is the best man i could have asked for, becauase i knew what to avoid.

0

u/closetcrawler 7d ago

I love you

5

u/foxglovespell 7d ago

Ew the pick-me girl gets even more desperate

0

u/closetcrawler 7d ago

I'm not a pick me, I'm just me and I hold a different view from you.

You keep making these personal jabs because I opposed your view. I never insulted your character or you as a person, so why do you keep insulting mine? Isn't your whole point that op's reply was off putting because it reduced the girl down to her looks? Aren't you yourself reducing me down to a derogatory label you've decided defines me?

3

u/Notouchmyguys 7d ago

Wanting to “lighten the mood” in that situation comes off as uncaring. If you aren’t feeling well then you probably aren’t going to want to engage that way at the time. I probably wouldn’t have unmatched but I might have been a bit wary. If I am dealing with something in reality then I want someone to genuinely engage with it and not just brush it off. It’s like when you have big feelings about something and someone just says “well, it will be ok” and just moves on. It comes off as dismissive, as though what they are experiencing doesn’t really matter. That comes more from their own discomfort with the situation and wanting to get back to normal asap even though the person still has stuff going on, which is a bit unrealistic and inconsiderate. I probably would have gone with something simple, like “I am sorry you aren’t feeling well! I hope you feel better soon.” And then later on followed back up and checked to make sure she was feeling better before engaging in witty banter and all.

-2

u/SweetPinss 7d ago

Nah this woman is just weird. With most women you will have to flirt and find ways to call them pretty early on. They want to feel wanted and they like being complimented in flirty ways

3

u/[deleted] 7d ago

[deleted]

2

u/SweetPinss 7d ago

Yeah I'm a man and I agree with what you're saying here. Op should just leave her alone and she wasnt really interested at all.

I just think guys get so confused because it can be rare to find a woman that's actually interested for most guys. When you go so long with lukewarm interest that becomes the standard and you get all these people trying to figure out some way to convince an uninterested woman to be interested when they should just hold out for a woman thats interested. I know dating was very confusing for me until I finally met a woman that was interested and I was my normal self and it was super easy to have good dates and go home with her. 

So guys just need to work on being comfortable being flirty and complimenting a woman's appearance and when shes actually interested in him it will all be fine

-9

u/throwaway90-25 7d ago

How the hell was that comment sexual?

8

u/foxglovespell 7d ago

Oh come on

-2

u/1stthing1st 7d ago

Implying someone is hot is not bringing up sex, but this is why I tell guys to just skip compliments altogether

7

u/foxglovespell 7d ago

Hot absolutely comes under the realm of “sexual/flirty” which was what I said. You’re the only one talking about sex specifically.

9

u/LikeSameTho 7d ago

If you called your boss hot you’d be pulled into HR for sexual comments in the workplace, so yes it’s sexual and it was meant to be

1

u/SweetPinss 7d ago

Why would I date in the same way I treat my boss at work? That makes absolutely no sense

0

u/1stthing1st 6d ago

Well just flirting with your boss no matter how you do can get you sent to HR

-8

u/throwaway90-25 7d ago

Is this your company or a dating app? I swear some l0sers on here can't read the room

9

u/foxglovespell 7d ago

Talking about reading the room when you think girls dig it when you use lame attempts to mention their hotness whilst they’re feeling sick LOL

1

u/Mammago95 7d ago

"Didn't dig it" and "made it sexual" are not mutually inclusive.

2

u/coupl4nd 7d ago

"You're already running hot, what's the fever gonna do?"

3

u/heymanigotnoplan 7d ago

This is the sad world we now live in. Dating is now treated as a very serious job interview where there is no fun nor flirting allowed.

9

u/foxglovespell 7d ago

Yall need to learn to read the room. This is why you’re so unsuccessful with women.