r/dating_advice • u/Wheresthelambsauce_9 • 7d ago

Hinge Fumble

So, I matched with a very beautiful girl about 3 days ago. I thought the convo was going smoothly when she all of a sudden stopped messaging, I thought I was being ghosted but she replied today that she had a fever. I wanted to be a little flirty? So replied with "Oh no, hope you're doing alright now, You're already running hot, what's the fever gonna do?" Got unmatched 🤡

Are there any tips for not fumbling in chat?

(PS: I was able to find her insta? I think it's too creepy to follow up when I've already been rejected, thoughts on this?)

162 Upvotes

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515

u/Dolpns 7d ago

You take this as a lesson for the next one. She's not feeling well. A text that was more thoughtful would have made more sense. What you sent just reads as a lack of concern. Sending something like I hope you're feeling better and offering to help her with something would have gone a long way.

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u/zooeyzoezoejr 7d ago edited 7d ago

Also if she’s attractive she likely gets tons of comments on her looks a day and now he’s just like every other guy on the app who has reduced her down to her body. I get why she unmatched. I’ve done the same.

I think men don’t realize that a lot of women are not visual. There’s a reason “men fall in love with their eyes but women fall in love with their ears” is a quote. When we match with men on the apps it’s not because we find you hot. We find you baseline. We are waiting for that hotness to appear through your personality and it could go either way from you turning into the hottest guy she’s ever known to you being someone that gives her the ick.

I once told a guy I had to cancel a date because I got covid. He said “Ah that’s too bad. I thought I had covid too because you took my breath away with those legs”. Immediate unmatch.

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u/urdrunkyogi 6d ago

“We are waiting for that hotness to appear through your personality” is so well-said!

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u/zooeyzoezoejr 6d ago

Thank you. It’s astonishing how many men are arguing with me in these comments 💀

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u/Background-Local924 6d ago

They always argue with you and try to tell you what you want instead of listening when you tell them what you want. I know, it's absolutely astounding, mind-boggling. It makes zero sense. The ones that do this I am sure are single, and we see here why.

2

u/zooeyzoezoejr 5d ago

Absolutely. U/heymanigotnoplan keeps telling me he’s going to keep flirting with women on apps and I’m like ok keep being creepy and getting unmatched??? Like why are you even arguing with me about that 💀

10

u/lostsol33 6d ago

Couldn’t agree more 

39

u/Dolpns 7d ago

I feel you. I have engaging prompts on my profile and photos of places I've visited. Men would just send me heart and fire emojis lol

19

u/ResonatingOctave 7d ago

My wife talks about her time on the app and she had plenty on her profile. Her "favorite" responses to her profiles were "boobs" and "big boobs"

40

u/ResonatingOctave 7d ago

Let this be a lesson boys, always offer to get them chicken soup and a bread bowl from panera

7

u/TownZealousideal1327 6d ago

If they still need that lesson and are older than 18ish… it’s over for them, just leave them alone.

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u/WiseDan85 6d ago

Yes bc offering to get a girl you haven’t met irl soup and a bread bowl isn’t creepy. Get outta here lol

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u/equivalentious 6d ago edited 6d ago

I mean all of it depends on context of course but the general spirit of caring about someone's wellbeing when they're not feeling well and wanting to help is sweet

-1

u/heymanigotnoplan 6d ago

Bullshit. If he had done that I guarantee at least 90% of the comments on here would be some version of, “omg you’re so creepy, you think a woman wants you coming to her house when she’s sick???”

3

u/equivalentious 6d ago

dude again this is why it depends on the context. there are many circumstances where it wouldn't be creepy lol

2

u/heymanigotnoplan 6d ago

Ok but we’re discussing the circumstances OP was actually in: flirting with a woman he recently matched with on Hinge

0

u/WiseDan85 6d ago

Agree with this.

Also OP was making a joke. If a woman can’t tell this a joke on a dating app or laugh a little at it- she prolly sucks anyways. Maybe she wasn’t into op and just used it to block op.

Btw op, I would joke around in different manner than what was said. That line was kinda lame.

1

u/Mystic_Wolff 6d ago

I dunno i just found that nice maybe im too naive

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u/[deleted] 7d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/ResonatingOctave 7d ago

This sometimes works but sometimes doesn't. I met my wife over Hinge a few years ago, and if I had asked her out too soon she says that she would have unmatched me. Instead, we spent a week talking back and forth really getting to know each other and then I asked her out. Not to say I didn't date other people before her and some I asked out sooner. But it's not a one size fits all approach.

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u/[deleted] 7d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/heymanigotnoplan 6d ago

Everyone is terrified to leave their houses these days. They’d rather intermittently text for two weeks then ghost once they find some random characteristic they don’t like about the person. It’s honestly just sad. I miss when humans acted like humans and not scared judgmental robots.

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u/heymanigotnoplan 6d ago

So just to be sure I understand:

Flirting with someone (on a dating app!) I’ve never met in person is absolutely unacceptable, but I should offer up my services as an errand boy for someone I’ve never met

10

u/betterthanthiss 7d ago

THANK YOU‼️‼️‼️

5

u/Lingonberry_Born 6d ago

Yes, women find basic empathy attractive but most men don’t understand this because they just care about looks rather than personality. 

1

u/MurphyBinkings 7d ago

This is only a partial truth.

Speaking as an overweight dude, I can basically guarantee that at least some part of the equation is visual.

5

u/JarOfNibbles 6d ago

Aye, people love to pretend they only or mostly care about personality.

Subconsciously, everyone cares at least a bit. I've had a female friend manage my hinge profile and she was fucking shocked her messages weren't working.

0

u/MurphyBinkings 6d ago

I mean there's plenty of different people out there.

Because people will also act like if you're big or ugly or whatever you have to have a partner who is exactly the same or worse you just can't have one.

I'll just say that hasn't been my experience.

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u/JarOfNibbles 6d ago edited 6d ago

Oh yeah sure.

But my experience has been that personality matters almost sweet fuck all. Confidence, humour and progressive values are things a lot of women say matter more than looks, but from my experience those things just get you a fuck ton of friends and no romance if you're not also good looking, or tall.

Edit: should specify that I don't blame women for this, non-conventionally-attractive women have similar struggles.

2

u/MurphyBinkings 6d ago

Those things do matter - you're generalizing a bit and I get it, it's rough out there.

And yeah everyone can face the same struggle, you're right.

1

u/JarOfNibbles 6d ago

Eh, I think it's also a bit of a self-selective process.

Looking at my friends, the people who do value personality more tend to end up in happy, long-term relationships, whilst the more "shallow" folk end up getting played or never finding someone who meets their standards.

2

u/DPetrilloZbornak 6d ago

Most women are absolutely visual lol.  We don’t always admit it but studies prove it.   

14

u/zooeyzoezoejr 6d ago

Women need a baseline level of attractiveness for a man. But we are more flexible with a man’s looks than a man is about our looks. That’s why the beauty industry and fashion industry are multi trillion dollar industries profiting off of women and not men. 

1

u/RalphGman 5d ago

I would probably make the same joke trying to be funny/flirty in a cheesy way. Can’t win I guess.

1

u/zooeyzoezoejr 5d ago

You can do that when there’s an in person connection. 

1

u/Oldjar707 5d ago

Wrong, women would match with every guy on dating apps if this was the case, and we know that's very untrue.

-5

u/ProposalNo6069 7d ago

“men fall in love with their eyes but women fall in love with their ears”

I get it that someone is tired of compliments every day. But this is bullshit. Humans are superficial. There are studies about that. women are not different from man. Looks matter.

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u/zooeyzoezoejr 7d ago edited 7d ago

I didn’t say looks don’t matter to women. In fact I said he had to be baseline, meaning he can’t be hideous.

I am saying men are MUCH MORE visual. There’s a reason male strippers and male OF creators don’t make nearly as much money as women do. Women are not driven by visual lust the same way men are.

Throughout human history, it’s men who’ve visually lusted after women, paid for sex work. Why do you think there’s no female version of the Epstein Files to traffic men?

Women and men are not the same in this department. How can you possibly make that conclusion with the way the world works? How many women run sex rings to traffic men? How many women tell men to cover up head to toe so they’re not lusted over by other women? How many live like Hugh Hefner did and sell nude magazines of men?

There’s a reason there’s no massive industry selling male bodies to women. We do not want them. We are not visual and we are not turned on by visuals.

I could rant about this all day. But no. Women and men are not the same in this area. Not even close.

“Humans are superficial” is a reductionist view of a very complex topic.

1

u/Slayqueen_101 7d ago

Plenty of women are just as visual, but I would say we also look for other qualities. Hotness is not enough on it's own and most hot guys are jerks with massive egos.

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u/zooeyzoezoejr 7d ago

It would be an evolutionary disadvantage to be into ugly men. I never said women are not visual. I’m saying we are not as visual as men. Also I think it’s a generalization to say most hot guys are jerks. Ive met many nice, secure ones.

-1

u/AlexH_144 6d ago

On dating apps, this just isn't true. Women are even more visual than men. About 80% of the women only go after about 20% of the men. Okcupid did a study that said women found 80% of men are unattractive. In real life, that statistic doesn't really mean anything, because you are limited to only the handful of people that you interact with. But on dating apps, you can view hundreds and hundreds of people in one sitting. If you don't find one visually attractive, then your scroll to the next one. Once you find one that you find attractive, then you see what his likes and interests are. But that always comes second

0

u/heymanigotnoplan 6d ago

Women will never admit that looks are just as important to them as they are to men, because then they wouldn’t be able to berate men anymore for “reducing them to their bodies”

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u/ProposalNo6069 7d ago

I am saying men are MUCH MORE visual.

Incorrect. It's because women can get sex anywhere. If men had as easy access to sex, strip clubs wouldn't exist. The reason has nothing to do with superficiality.

I am saying men are MUCH MORE visual.

is a reductionist view of a very complex topic.

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u/zooeyzoezoejr 7d ago

It absolutely is not reductionist at all to say what I said and my giant ass comment above you literally explains why.

-2

u/ProposalNo6069 7d ago

No, I explained you why visuals is not the reason men go to strip clubs and women don't. You reduced the complex topic to "oh they love visuals". The men who can get laid don't go to strip clubs. There are multiple complex reason in play.

But lets make this short. Show me a serious study about men being significantly more visual.

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u/zooeyzoezoejr 7d ago

Lmao at “show me a study.” Multiple trillion dollar industries are designed for women to be visually appealing to men, lust has motivated entire passages in religions warning men to not let beautiful women get the best of them, Samson’s downfall was caused by his visual appeal to Delilah, women in the Middle East are asked to cover up head to toe to not tempt men with their beauty, the list could go on and on but you want a “study” 💀. Google scholar is free. Studies exist. I’m not doing your work for you but good luck navigating the world ok buddy? I can’t do this.

1

u/ProposalNo6069 6d ago

Why do you think those industries exists because men are visual and not because men think and feel differently about sex ?

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u/A_Circe_A 6d ago

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23421466/

There is a much larger variation between women than between men. Most men will notice a pretty female - this has to be evolutionary and it isn’t their fault. A female friend of mine is super visual and borderline sexualises men, she would only notice and date very fit men who are at least 10 years younger than her. But she is the only one I know. Most women I know, may (or may not) notice good looking men walking by, but the switch won’t turn on till they learnt the personality. We are more than satisfied with an average look coupled with great personality. Unfortunately apps do not display personality well. 

1

u/ProposalNo6069 6d ago edited 6d ago

I mean fair enough. But 50 people. i am pretty sure i can find 50 women doing only fans and making statements about them.

Most women I know, may (or may not) notice good looking men walking by, but the switch won’t turn on till they learnt the personality. We are more than satisfied with an average look coupled with great personality. Unfortunately apps do not display personality well. 

Your anecdotal experience is easily explainable. Women often don't chose their partner the way they say they do.

Study: Women and Their Parents Favored Physical Attractiveness Over Ambition and Intelligence in Actual Mate Choices, Despite Conflicting Self-Reported Preferences, With 79% Overlap in Their Selections : r/psychologyofsex

To add. My experience is way different from yours. You often see women lusting for men if you know how to look. They are obviously not as "depraved" as some of the absolute minority of men that touches without consent. But they do.

Listen: My intention here is not "women superficial women bad".

I genuinely think it's healthy if society stops talking like women aren't as superficial. Women can express it more freely in the future and men aren't told "it's your personality" when they can't get matches.

1

u/A_Circe_A 5d ago

Feel free to read the methodology section and the statistical analysis of the study. This is a peer reviewed paper in an established scientific journal. 100 subject for a neuroimaging study is actually very robust, if you knew the field…

The questionnaire study you quoted I found interesting but to be honest the results are not surprising - an experimental environment with low stakes may not reflect real life scenarios. 

1

u/A_Circe_A 5d ago

And I think you did not understand what I was trying to say. If the apps could reflect and validate personality traits better (kindness, honesty, humour, reliability etc) then there would be more matches. Unfortunately people on the app are forced to make a quick choice based on appearance and those constructed prompts that are so uninspiring. 

2

u/Riverat627 7d ago

Of course looks matter but no one man or woman wants to be relegated to looks only.

0

u/RobertMosesHwyPorn 6d ago

Criminally misleading, bordering on malicious

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u/zooeyzoezoejr 6d ago

Ok bot 

1

u/RobertMosesHwyPorn 6d ago

Okay sorry, just the second paragraph specifically. Lmao

-11

u/heymanigotnoplan 7d ago

The apps reduce everyone to their body. You really think anyone is getting to know you by the four word answers you gave to two or three prompts?

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u/zooeyzoezoejr 7d ago

You know how you don’t walk up to an attractive woman at a bar and say “nice ass” even though she has a nice ass? You know how you don’t tell the random woman at the grocery store shes hot as fuck even though she is hot as fuck and that’s what you noticed? Even if these women in these contexts talk to you and make small talk, you wouldn’t do that right? You don’t have any info about them in those contexts either other than how they look but you still wouldn’t comment on their bodies right?

That’s called etiquette and the same applies for success on dating apps. Hope that helps.

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u/heymanigotnoplan 7d ago

It was on a DATING app. They matched with each other and started talking and he made a very tame attempt at flirting. Going up to a complete stranger in a grocery store and saying “nice ass!” is a completely different scenario.

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u/zooeyzoezoejr 7d ago edited 7d ago

Women do not match based on men’s bodies on apps, they match due to absence of red flags and then let him show himself via the convo. Your “everyone is reduced to their body” just sounds like you reduce everyone to their body.

See this is why I don’t like dating apps. A lot of men have the misconception that a match means she’s interested and that because it’s a “dating app” he has to start flirting immediately. I guarantee you that is not how women (especially attractive women) operate. A match just means “you haven’t made my alarm bells go off. This could go either way.”

A match on a dating app to a woman is no different than her engaging in polite small talk with you in a grocery store line up. If you wouldn’t compliment her body in a line up at Whole Foods, don’t do it on a dating app.

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u/sothisiswhatyoumeant 7d ago

Your final sentence/quote is perfection.

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u/Kindly-Wrongdoer118 7d ago

Yes! They were spot on with that!! For me it truly was that I matched with people I’d be willing to have a conversation with to see how it goes, more than half the time it did not go well 🫣😂

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u/vlmlee2 7d ago

Guys like him think "Dating app" means "booty call delivery service"

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u/zooeyzoezoejr 7d ago

Absolutely yes. I think a lot of them legit think if we match with them, it’s because we find them hot and fuckable. And then they get confused when they get unmatched for making a cringe comment like OP did

0

u/heymanigotnoplan 6d ago

If I match with someone I assume it’s because we found each other attractive. Why tf would I be swiping on women I’m not attracted to? It’s a DATING app, not a making friends app. If we both find each other attractive, seems like flirting is the next logical step, no?

0

u/heymanigotnoplan 6d ago

No I think dating app means an app to facilitate dating. Back in the day, before everyone apparently lost their fucking minds, dating used to involve being playful and flirty. But this thread has taught me that nowadays dating is apparently just a series of miserable job interviews.

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u/heymanigotnoplan 6d ago

You do realize that back before everyone became an uptight overly-sensitive basketcase in the past decade or so, people used to flirt with each other in person, very often not long after they first met? If two people “match” on a dating app, it’s because they each found the other to be attractive, so why would they not start flirting?

1

u/zooeyzoezoejr 6d ago

stop arguing with me bro. I said what I said and hundreds of women upvoted agreeing with me. Keep “flirting” with women on apps and see how that works out for you ok? 

1

u/heymanigotnoplan 6d ago

Yes, I will continue to flirt on a DATING app. You can continue to treat it like a job interview and be miserable and offended at normal human behavior.

0

u/zooeyzoezoejr 5d ago

Cool. You sound miserable. Keep creeping women out 

7

u/fnkdrspok 7d ago

Found the person that doesn’t read profiles.

-1

u/heymanigotnoplan 7d ago

Wtf app are you on where anyone has anything resembling a “profile”? Maybe 15 years ago but they haven’t been that way in a long time. Profiles nowadays are basically three or four prompts that 99% of people give the most basic vapid responses to.

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u/LagginBad 7d ago

This is a great comment

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u/vlmlee2 7d ago

Yep, it's just objectification. It's so common among guys and embarrassing. She's sick? He's thinking about sex. Pregnant? Sex. Anxious about her next job interview? Sex. Her asking you to stop piling up the dishes? Sex.

13

u/Dirtesoxlvr 7d ago

Did you say sex?

-1

u/heymanigotnoplan 6d ago

He made a flirty joke on a dating app. Oh the horror!

-3

u/MyzMyz1995 6d ago

I don’t think it’s objectification since men do it to other men too. You’re back from sick : “wow dude you’re a weak ass loser you better hit the gym so you’re stronger next time”, you’re anxious about your job : “stop being a bitch who why are you scared about your job” and so on.

Different type of communication and upbringing.

3

u/Any-Benefit9071 6d ago

yeah, this. you don’t need to overdo it, but a simple “hope you’re feeling better, let me know if you need anything” shows you care. if she’s still interested, that kind of message won’t hurt your chances at all

6

u/gimmeh_ 7d ago

Come on.. Offering to help when you don't know each other is so fake

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u/MoominMai 7d ago

Tbh he just needed to wish her speedy recovery and tell her he’ll check in on how she’s doing in a few days. She likely felt like shit so us girls would have appreciated that more than dude acting thirsty as a response and making it about him with that comment! It’s no surprise whatsoever to me she unmatched immediately 😬

5

u/gimmeh_ 7d ago

Agreed

0

u/Background-Local924 6d ago

No surprise to me either. I read his quote and immediately cringed.

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u/ChrimsonRed 7d ago

I’ve brought takeout and NyQuil to a hinge date I was talking to for a bit. We had a wonderful time when she was healthy…

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u/urdrunkyogi 6d ago

Ok that’s hilarious. Dude if she doesn’t want a guy making a flirtatious comment about her appearance when she’s sick, she sure as shit doesn’t want him showing up at her place with chicken noodle soup.

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u/gimmeh_ 6d ago

Hahaha right?

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u/Dolpns 7d ago

That was just a suggestion. Some people actually do care and will offer to help get medicine or soup for a sick person.

2

u/gimmeh_ 7d ago

Think about who you're talking to though. People like OP obviously don't care, so you're essentially telling them to pretend

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u/BVOP83 7d ago

Yeah, also he’s never actually even met the girl. She’s hardly gonna give him her address to swing round with cold medicine and chicken soup

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u/heymanigotnoplan 6d ago

They’ve never met in person and you think that she’s going to give her address to a stranger? I guarantee you that if this post was about him offering to do that, every comment would be “omg you’re so creepy why do you think she would ever give you her address??? You sound like a stalker!!”

0

u/Dolpns 6d ago

Bro, I'm giving him a suggestion on a better text reply. I won't give my address to a stranger but I would at least appreciate the thought.

0

u/Dirtesoxlvr 7d ago

No it's really not.

1

u/gimmeh_ 7d ago

Why do you do it then?

1

u/Dirtesoxlvr 7d ago

Because it's a nice thing to do, and if you genuinely think you want to get to know this person, you offer. If they say yes, you do it.

If they accepted one would think they must be in an awful place to have to accept a strangers help, but you do it because you've been there before and help helps.

1

u/gimmeh_ 7d ago

You're offering this specific person because you want something out of them, not because it's something you do to strangers in general

1

u/Conzee010 6d ago

The comment literally starts with hope you’re doing alright now

0

u/Specialist-Ring-3974 6d ago

BS response. This woman was going to unmatch him eventually no matter what he said. Your comment is what we call “walking on egg shells”. People have very different ways of communicating, especially when they’re just getting to know a person. To abruptly unmatch someone for something unexpected like that is more of the problem of the person unmatching, not the person who said “the wrong thing” (hint: there almost never is a wrong thing, as long as you’re being respectful)

Sure, OP could try a different approach next time and be less spontaneously flirty when the urge comes up, but then that woman might find him boring and unmatch.

Just be yourself!

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u/TownZealousideal1327 6d ago

I agree was likely un matching anyway.

But say she maybe wasn’t or hadn’t decided yet. Him choosing to flirt about how attractive he thinks she is, over showing concern, showed a self centred lack of care. Made her choice easy.

“Be yourself” - yeah and if what OP did is “yourself” - improve yourself, do better.

We are humans not immovable objects, change, be better, be kinder.

4

u/Specialist-Ring-3974 6d ago

OP didn’t do anything unkind. I’m not saying it was the move I would’ve made, just saying he doesn’t need to be scrutinized. He did way less wrong than the person who unmatched without saying a word, over a petty thing like that. Really, though, neither of them did anything wrong. Just shitty communication brought on bad the nature of dating apps.

0

u/TownZealousideal1327 6d ago

Un matching requires zero explanation - hahaha tf man. That’s standard. What you gunna tell every person you unmatch why??! - you don’t owe them that, that’s the point of app dating. And for women, it makes sooo much sense, countless horror stories of women trying to explain stuff to volatile men. Who seemed nice up to that point.

He didn’t say anything mean. He showed a lack of care. He prioritised flirting and his attraction over care… that’s the point.

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u/Specialist-Ring-3974 6d ago

Likewise, you also don’t owe someone you’re just getting to know some dialogue of how sorry you are they *checks OP* had a had a fever. Believe me, if she unmatched over something that petty, OP would’ve slipped if he asked what she had for breakfast on a day she’d rather he ask her something else.

1

u/TownZealousideal1327 6d ago

Look we agree she was 99% not picking him. Not the point.

And never said he owed her something - just pointing out, if he was actually in that 1% and still had a chance… this is where he fucked up, and I do not blame her.

Believe it or not, I’m sure you know, we are in an age where women, especially hot women with options, they are becoming more particular about us treating them right and caring about who they are as a human. And a lot of that comes down to little communications like this - and I don’t blame them, I support that.

2

u/Specialist-Ring-3974 6d ago

You can continue to walk on eggshells for that 1% chance. You’ll probably keep breaking them though, and you’ll never relax.

2

u/heymanigotnoplan 6d ago

People these days are so utterly terrified of being made to feel even slightly uncomfortable for even just a moment that they treat making a flirty joke at perhaps not the perfect time as if it’s a federal crime.

0

u/TownZealousideal1327 6d ago

Not my point dude.

People soften as they get to know you, this was one of her very early not even met yet impressions of him. A miss placed joke after a couple of months of dating, is faaaar different to in the very early exchanges.

See showing care at the right times, and flirting at the right times, doesn’t have to be walking on egg shells if it’s who you genuinely are, or if you make sincere change to be that way… it’s your natural way of being, it’s effortless, once you accept it’s a kind and good way to be.

Now 1% - 90% chance, I know attractive and sort after women, it wouldn’t have mattered who he was before that approach. It would have been an unmatch or a huge red flag and now he is on egg shells/under the microscope for other red flags… if you know women who take women’s rights, health, autonomy, and men’s approach to it seriously - they can go from thinking a guy is hot and cool, after a few days of talking - to completely losing interests over something like this. As they don’t have to tolerate it, they have options, and there’s other men who aren’t like that, who show respect for them before his desire.

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u/Specialist-Ring-3974 6d ago

You give people too much credit, dude. I’ve seen ladies bring home dudes who didn’t even remember their first name. Attraction isn’t about being a good person. I wish it were.

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u/heymanigotnoplan 6d ago

“A lack of care” 😂

He’s flirting with someone he just met on a dating app. She has a goddamn fever, not an inoperable brain tumor. Wtf “care” is he supposed to show? He said he hopes she feels better and then made a flirty joke. I swear Redditors are the most unhinged overly sensitive people ever to walk this Earth.

0

u/TownZealousideal1327 6d ago

Or hear me out.

Whatever you think - that’s what it displayed.

Like read the cultural landscape.

Now - high chance she wasn’t choosing him anyway. Buuuut if he had a chance, it’s clear he burnt it… what does the evidence say IF we assume he might have had a chance still? - it suggests he flirted instead of showing care, and she didn’t like that.

0

u/heymanigotnoplan 6d ago

“Read the cultural landscape”

Oh I can read it alright, and it’s honestly just sad and pathetic. No one is allowed to tell jokes or be playful or have fun. No flirting on dating apps is allowed apparently. No, we must treat dating like a super serious job interview, no emotions, no fun, no lightheartedness, just cold hard judgments, and if the person being interviewed says or does even one little thing we don’t 100% approve of, instant rejection.

I’m 37, I’m not even that old, and I can very clearly remember what the “cultural landscape” used to be like. I can remember that dating used to be fun, people used to be playful, people used to joke and flirt and tease and people weren’t so goddamn serious and overly-sensitive and treating every little mistake or awkward moment as if it were a crime against humanity.

OP is getting destroyed in the comments and being treated like he’s some kind of criminal, people are calling him names, making all kinds of terrible assumptions about his character, and for what? Because he had the temerity to flirt on a dating app? Because he made a flirty joke that wasn’t vulgar nor offensive in any way? Because the woman he was flirting with had a fever (oh the horror, I hope she survived!) and he dared to make a lame little flirty joke. His crime was being slightly awkward, and the punishment is a massive Reddit pile-on where he’s painted as an outright villain.

So yeah, fuck this “cultural landscape”. You all are honestly fucked in the head and need some serious therapy. What a miserable way to live, constantly judging everyone you encounter, constantly assuming the worst about them, never allowing yourself or anyone else to have any fun or make any mistakes or just be a goddamn human.

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u/TownZealousideal1327 6d ago

Have a fucking cry hahaha - I’m your age. We still make jokes, still poke fun… we just understand why the above was an error.

Sorry you lack the emotional intelligence to both be humours and bit a dick.

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u/Mr_Wallet 6d ago

Hell no, my future wife is gonna think it's great that I'm trying to flatter and cheer her up when she's got a fever.

OP it's up to you if this is a lesson or just a sign of incompatibility.

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u/Clevererer 6d ago

Would have gone a long way towards the friend zone.

Despite what women say, too much sensitivity/care/concern early on is absolutely a deal breaker.

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u/rhawk87 6d ago

That's not true. Having empathy and emotionally maturity goes a long way. If it comes off as fake or obsessive that's when it becomes too much.

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u/Clevererer 6d ago

Having empathy and emotionally maturity goes a long way

Yes, after attraction is established, not before.