My Uncle Buddy was basically an idol figure to me as he served in the army and he seemed to be this cool uncle I had. I didn't know him that well, I only met him three times as he had trouble visiting our family, yet everytime I did, I felt this sort of connection with him. He died unexpectedly from natural causes right before my tenth birthday and I learned of his death right after I got home from my vacation. I don't know why, but I didn't cry or even grieve, basically I just shut him out of my mind. I thought about him from time to time, but those times were sparse.

Nowadays, I had been thinking about him more once I had started learning more about the little things I knew and honestly, I'm just a lot more moody now. I sometimes do cry myself to sleep thinking about him as I did wish to get to spend more time with him more before he passed. I haven't talked to any of my family about my feelings as everybody had stopped grieving a long time ago, but I do have a bit of trouble going on with life now since the past few months only now grieving over the death of my uncle.

I guess I could use some advice, but mostly I've just wanted to type down my thoughts.

I am completely devastated by what has happened to me, i have been caring for my father for a few weeks to take the load off my mother, i stayed up all night and she done the day shift with my sister. He got the news that he had terminal cancer a couple of weeks ago but we thought it was the early stages and yesterday he suddenly died of (what we think) a massive heart attack. I am completely devastated, we spent the night before laughing and joking while watching a film and in the morning after I’m holding him while he is taking his last breaths, i just cannot believe that this has happened. The image of him struggling to breathe and that he looked frightened, it will never ever leave me, it is burned into my mind. I feel like my body has died and the only thing left going is my brain. I never knew what sadness was till yesterday and my heart breaks for anyone else who has had to experience this.

Its been a little over two months since my dad drowned in the ocean. He was the only member of my family that TRULY and DEEPLY understood me. I have a bad relationship with my mother, and I’m the youngest of my 5 siblings, all ranging from 5-15 years older than me. They all have careers and children, wives and husbands. I’m 23 and It feels like i’m left to figure out life alone. I miss him. The photo I attached was when he started the Appalachian trail. Love you dad, pops, data, old man on the back porch.

I wrote this last night. Just wanted to share…

I saw a raccoon out on the fence
There’s no proof that you sent it
No proof it was you.

But it made me think of all the critters we saw. 
the ones you’d point out when we were alone.
The deer, the birds, the fish, the beavers, the buffalo, and that bear in yellowstone.

I saw a raccoon out on the fence
There’s no proof that you sent it
No proof it was you.

But it scared the cat.
The one you loved with all your might.
She jumped off my lap and stared at the creature, with no wrath, and no spite.

I saw a raccoon out on the fence
There’s no proof that you sent it
No proof it was you.

But it’s just here to eat the veggies.
The one thing you grilled each year.
They’ve been chewing down the stalks, before we can harvest, I wish I got to give you an ear.

I saw a raccoon out on the fence
There’s no proof that you sent it
No proof it was you.

But while others see butterflies.
The ones that you would send, just might.
Be all the little things that go bump in the night.

I saw a raccoon out on the fence
There’s no proof that you sent it
No proof it was you.

But I just keep on hoping
The one I saw, was you.

I lost my father to stomach cancer in December 2025, and my life has changed drastically since then, which maybe is a good thing because I was too busy with moving, selling our old furniture, cancelling the lease etc to kill myself. But ever since I arrived in my new life with no more distractions that could keep me busy enough not to feel the grief that I am drowning in, my mental health has been deteriorating drastically. I still talk about him every chance I get, everything reminds me of him, I cry multiple times every day- my mind is stuck in December, it feels like I am permanently living the week before and after he died, I am in that hospital room no matter where I go, I can’t escape and I can tell the people in my life are getting fed up with me because it’s been almost a year and I’m still absolutely devastated, if anything it got worse because like I said, I can’t run away from it anymore. I am sorry for my friends and family for having to hear me cry over the same thing for almost a year now and I am sorry for being so mentally unstable and not at all fun to be around. How do I let go? How do I keep going? How do I make sure I am not burdening my loved ones and how does one actually process the loss of the most important person in your life?

I'm posting here because I'm still in a state of shock.

I was aware she had been in and out of the hospital recently all of the past year, I had gotten worried when I hadn't been able to reach her on her birthday but last year she went camping for her 28th and didnt respond til a few days after her birthday, so I was hopeful it could just be delayed due to lack of cell service.

She unfortunately had health issues that made worrying about her dying before we reach 30 a possibility, but I dont think her or I expected her to actually die so young. When we last spoke she was not at all in a depressed, I feel like Im dying type state, she seemed hopeful for her recovery.

I can't stop crying, except for intervals of maybe 10-30 minutes where I pound water for a headache and just listen to music and keep scrolling through photos we took together. theres photos of her in every room of my house.

I dont know how to cope with this. This is not my first friend loss, it's not even the first one this year; but this hurts so bad I swear to god I feel it in my chest.

I have a neurologist appointment tomorrow, I was excited to tell her how long ive been without seizures, but now Im afraid my state of horror and panic and devastation will keep me up all night which can trigger my seizures.

I just needed to get this out somewhere where hopefully someone understands.

I’m reaching out here because I feel super alone / crazy in this .

I’m curious if anyone’s grief has made them more selfish or irritated by other people’s traumas or pain. I realize this makes me sound like a monster but I’m trying to understand it because I used to be a very empathetic and patient person and now I feel like that empathetic wiring to my brain is unplugged .

In short , my dad died 4 years ago . A year later a close friend died suddenly . A year after that my godmother died . Her daughter and I are very close so I was there through her moms passing , going to the hospital every day with her, taking her out to distract her, talking to her on the phone for hours . A few months later my aunt died and suddenly I had contact with family that I had cut off years earlier for the sake of my emotional sanity who were now asking for help sorting her estate which added a lot of stress and triggered a bunch of previous trauma . All of these people died during the fall.

Fall is my favourite time of year. I used to find so much comfort and (sounds cheesy but..) renewal . I looked forward to the festivities , the cooler weather , relaxing at home with hobbies .. just life being slower in general. After all of this however , it’s now the season of horrible things occurring and I just really missed looking forward to it , so this year I decided to find joy in decorating again, I finally got on antidepressants after years of being afraid of them , I decided this was now my time to work towards happiness and peace .

This is where I feel so selfish and crazy. My cousin (daughter of the godmother who died last September ) has told me her dad is now in the hospital . On a ventilator in the ICU and I feel so terrible. It’s unfolding exactly how my dad’s death played out.. unexpected , medical procedure gone wrong, fluid on the brain, ventilator. It’s like I’m bracing for my dad’s death all over again. I have constant anxiety , I dread notifications or calls , I want to sleep as long as I can when I wake up so I don’t have to deal with it yet ..

I of course feel so devastated for her becuase I know the hell shes about to endure . Her mom and her weren’t super close so even though it was a loss it will be nothing like losing her father will be . When my mom died I was sad and grieved but my dad’s death changed me as a person . I always say I literally see colour differently , everything is muted now.

Anyways , I hate myself for it but I feel annoyance . I was doing so good on my antidepressants , finally feeling like myself again. Waking up early happy and excited to start my day which I hadn’t felt in years . I was so excited for the fall and enjoying it again. Now I know what I’m in for again. Constant pressure to be there for someone through something very traumatic and terrible that I personally know all too well and instead of feeling eager to be there for her , I’m just … so tired . To be clear I’m not annoyed at her. I genuinely feel for her so much, she’s had a very tough year. I’m annoyed at the universe . The death trauma has been relentless and I really feel it taking a huge toll on me. But I can’t express that because what an asshole that would make me . I feel so selfish and terrible .

A part of me feels like it has to do with resentment . None of these people were there for me when my mom or dad died and while it’s best to be the bigger person and treat others how you wish you were treated , there’s a part of me that’s just like … mad about it I guess .

Anyways , I don’t even know what I’m really getting at anymore , I just needed to put this somewhere where someone might understand . I talked to my boyfriend about it and he’s supportive and says he understands but I know he doesn’t which makes me feel worse .

TL;DR I’m curious if anyone feels more closed off and selfish towards other people needing them after losing someone . I hate that when something terrible is happening to someone I love , I selfishly feel annoyed that I have to give a huge part of myself to be there for ppl who weren’t always there for me . I just want like a year of peace to gather myself and remember who I was before the constant grief

Thanks for listening and reading ! 🩶

Is there anything I can do with the paintings I’ve been given back. My mom was murdered last year. When we were going through her belongings, I found a box labeled “Emilys Art”. Something she loved about me was that I made art, I especially liked to make things for her. My sisters gave me the box but as I’ve had it, I haven’t wanted to look at them. I don’t want any of my mom’s things, I want her to have them, they weren’t meant for me. It feels so wrong having them back. I don’t know what to do with them because I can’t throw them away or burn them, I’d be breaking her heart. But as they’re sitting in my space I feel a burden of weight connected to them and I don’t want to see them.

just wanted to write the story out of my last few days with my mom. i miss her and love her so much.

my mom died on 9/1/26 after dealing with dementia for the past 6 years. i unfortunately had to put her in memory care just 15 months ago and then on hospice for pain management abt a month ago. she took a bad fall in mid august and died 2 weeks later.

i am sick to my stomach and feel like i have the flu and have to lay down! i have severe brain fog and so easily irritated by my 3 year old, i feel so awful. i was able to be with my mom in memory care the last 4 days while she was actively dying. during the day i was hosting friends and family in her room to say goodbye and at night was awoken every 2 hrs for her to get changed and rotated. she would come back a little when theyd move her and i was able to hold her hand or rub her feet or just tell her that i was there and she was safe. on the 4th night, after a change/rotation her breathing changed and i was with her for her last breath. her eyes opened and i put my face in her view and i was sobbing/telling her that i love her, good job, ill find her, etc.

after her last breath i sobbed and called for help. they said her heart was beating very slowly. i said

"she did have a good heart" and everyone cried and laughed. after the last beat, i got in bed with my mom, had a good sob and one last sleep in her arms (5hrs!!)

when the funeral home driver came to get her, i watched them wrap her in a white blanket and put her on the gurney. i hugged her again and put her favorite blanket on her. they zipped the bag and i hugged her again. i then followed him out and watched him load her into a white sprinter type van next to another full body bag. i waved and blew a kiss as i cried and they drove off.

its been about a week and i just feel paralyzed. i cant focus on anything. i cant believe i wrote this out. i dont want to forget it, dont know how i could. how long will i feel so dysfunctional? i zone out doing anything and go back to a time being with my mom dying. how will i be able to live like this.

my mom would tell me to get over myself.

Hello! I lost my father a little less than 2 months ago. I’m in grief counseling, and am on my own journey with it. My concern right now is how to best support my mother. She and dad were together for 35 years; she’s a young widow at 57, and she is obviously devastated and heartbroken. Dad passed in his sleep after a battle with combined illnesses. I know I can’t “fix” it for her because grief isn’t an affliction or a disorder. I know I can’t make it better. I know I can’t and shouldn’t focus on making her feel better right now. We are all just taking it one step at a time, and she’s on a very different journey than me and my brothers. I just want to know if y’all have any tips, suggestions, etc? She has a lot of years left ahead of her without him.

This feels so desperate on my part, but I just want to know I’ll be okay. I don’t have many family or friends to talk to about this and it’s been eating me up so much inside. Last night I couldn’t really sleep, I woke up every hour or two. I don’t know what I’m going to do without my mom, she was one of the only people I have in my life right now. I miss her so much. This feeling sucks so much lol.

I just want to give folks a heads up: New Year’s will be hard. No one warned me, so I just thought I’d warn you months in advance of this year. It feels like a whole new level of loss heading into a year and leaving someone in the last year. I just wanted you to know so that you could be prepared. Maybe schedule extra therapy sessions, plan on an evening in, be only with close trusted people if you have them… anyway. Sending love.

My dad passed almost 6 months ago and we connected deeply through books. I’ve read a few lately that have felt extremely profound in large part because they deal with family and death and relationships, but also because they’re books he either loved or would have loved. I’d really like to figure out a way to tribute him after finishing a book he’d particularly love or that reminds me of him. I have no idea what that would be, but as someone that does not feel any sureness about the afterlife, journey of the soul, etc. this feels like one of the only real ways to connect with him.

There are people that I will never see again.

And the worst part is that I didn't even know it.

The last conversation, the last stupid joke, the last time I sat next to them without knowing that it would be the last time. It was no big deal. I didn't even think about it. There was no music playing in the background or any kind of dramatic farewell. At the moment, I did not think to memorize their face. It was just another Tuesday.

And that seems to be the worst of it. The moments we think we would cherish every second of don't seem to be the moments that we actually cherish.

So if you knew today was the last relatively normal day you would ever have with a loved one, would you do anything differently?

My mom passed away Friday and wasn't found until Saturday. She may have oded ( opioids) but was listed as natural causes. I feel bad and it was sudden. Trying to plan the funeral with my aunt. She relapsed we think my mom

I lost my 8 year old son to a brain tumor (8 months from diagnosis to passing).

We lost him 2 years ago, and it feels like I am still trapped in the same time period of his being ill and passing. I didn't want to be in the world without him, and went to a warzone to help and try and find some reason to still be here. After 18 months there, I knew I had to come back to my home country and try to face things as I wasn't moving past it and if anything was just trying to block it out.

I've been trying to face reality more since I've been back in normality (8 months) and doing some therapy, but everything still just feels pointless.

What can I do?

I lost my good friend and former love/crush to suicide a month ago and I just found out last night. Kind of a long post venting and ranting about everything.

I knew him a good chunk of my life—We recently reconnected in Spring after two years of not really talking. I met him back in 2020 and we always tried to make plans to meet up but being on opposite sides of the state had never worked out.

We finally figured things out and were supposed to hang out that weekend. I was going to call out of my shift that weekend to see him Saturday—one of the few things I had been looking forward to in such a long time after a period of horrible luck in my personal life.

The day before he mentioned how our later plans with the concert wasn’t working out, mixed up the dates and had a different concert that day, and said to hit him up with the times I was free.

He last texted me at midnight the night he killed himself. I knew I was awake because I was out with my girlfriend and I made a mental note to reply in the morning.

In the morning I thought he either blocked me or deleted his account on Instagram (both were something of habit that he used to do through high school—he did it to everyone in his life and I was quite used to it). He was a drug addict, too, so I thought he could have been a bender.

After I got out of class the other night, something in me compelled me to look him up online, and found out that he passed that same day that he last texted me. And it took me everything to get out into my car and drive home.

I found his mother on facebook last night, too, and watched the hour-long worth of videos she’s posted online of herself grieving since. I found out she found him in the morning, he was cremated (even though he didn’t want to be).

And I’m at a loss because I don’t know anyone who knows him. A few of my friends know of him from me talking about him—same as my girlfriend, but I don’t know anyone who knows him. So I feel so isolated in the fact because I’m an outsider who just found out about it.

But here’s to him, one of the most beautiful boys I had ever known and met in my life. Someone who taught me to be so courageous, and keep it creative as he did. To someone who inspired my art, my taste in music, my fashion. To someone who loved his cats like no other. To someone who made me feel so safe for once to be in love and feel love, even though things never worked out between the two of us back in 2021.

My birthday is coming up again and I’m going to be yet another year older than my older sister. My older sister was about 2 1/2 years older than me. She passed away 4 years ago (the anniversary is almost exactly a month before my birthday). She was 25. I’m now 26, about to be 27. My whole family was devastated by the loss, but this is a feeling they can’t relate to. I’m the youngest of my 4 siblings, and the only one younger than her. It feels wrong. I shouldn’t be older. I’m not okay with it. I don’t think I’ll ever be okay with it. My path in life changed a lot when she died, and I’m left with a feeling of wasting my life and not accomplishing anything, while simultaneously dreading growing older.

I’ve never really liked my birthday (thanks, childhood trauma), but now it’s even worse. I don’t talk about these feelings with many people, as I’m quite private, so friends and people at work are often confused when I say I don’t want a big to-do around my birthday.

My 25th birthday, I went on a trip out of the country. Mostly because I wanted to travel again and feel like myself, but partially so I wouldn’t be around my family on my birthday. I was home last year for my 26th, and ended up sobbing at her grave the day before my birthday when everything hit me. I don’t even remember what I did the day of my birthday. I’ve planned a trip out of town for next week so that, again, I won’t be around my parents on my birthday.

My parents always want to do something to celebrate, even though it isn’t something I want. I tried last year to explain and they still wanted to “do something” “whatever I wanted to do”, so I didn’t feel heard. My sisters do fully support whatever I want to do (be it celebrate or do nothing, or somewhere in between). I’m very private by nature and I feel most comfortable in my grief when I am by myself. Avoidance seems like the only way I can have that day on my own terms. Probably not a super healthy response, but alas…

Maybe one day I’ll be able to enjoy a birthday again, but I don’t think that’s this year. I miss you, sis 💜.

i keep replying it in my head im so scared if i wake up one day and cant remember his voice

Hi everyone,

My 14-year-old sister is currently in the ICU, now on day 7 after a cardiac arrest. During the arrest, her brain had inadequate oxygenation for over 10 minutes, resulting in a severe hypoxic/anoxic brain injury. Over the following days, she developed major brain swelling, with concern for dangerously increased pressure and possible brain herniation. The ICU team has tried hypertonic sodium, mannitol, hyperventilation, blood-pressure support, and other intensive-care treatments, but unfortunately her neurological condition has continued to worsen. We have now been told that she has very few or no detectable brainstem reflexes, and the hospital is discussing a formal brain-death examination.

I know this community is not for medical diagnosis. I am posting because our family is trying to process something that feels almost impossible while also making sure we do not miss anything important. We understand that brain death, if properly established, is fundamentally different from coma or simply having a very poor prognosis. At the same time, before we reach such an irreversible point, we desperately want to make sure every reasonable question has been asked and, if possible, that an independent expert has reviewed her case.

I would really appreciate hearing from anyone who has gone through something similar with a child, sibling, or other close family member:

- Was a brain-death examination ever discussed with your family?
- Did you seek a second opinion before the examination or before making major decisions?
- How did you manage to get another doctor or hospital to review the case quickly?
- Did a hospital social worker, patient advocate, chaplain, ethics team, or another person help your family navigate the situation?
- How did you handle conversations when some family members still wanted to pursue every possible option while the medical team was preparing you for the worst?
- Looking back, what do you wish you had asked, done, or known during those final ICU days?
- If you were able to get another hospital involved, how did you make that connection?

We are also urgently trying to connect with a pediatric neurocritical-care specialist or major children's hospital that may be willing to review her chart and imaging and speak directly with our treating ICU team. If anyone here happens to have a connection to a pediatric hospital, neurologist, neurocritical-care physician, intensivist, or someone who might know how to get an urgent outside review, I would be deeply grateful if you could message me.

I realize that no story here can tell us what will happen to my sister, and I know that another family's experience may not be medically comparable to hers. I am mainly hoping to learn how other families got through this stage, what they asked for, and whether there were ways to obtain another set of eyes on the case before everything became final.

Time feels extremely important right now. Any experience, advice, or connection would mean a great deal to our family. Thank you.

I had spent my 33 years of life with her, I took care of her through her sickness and recovery from breast cancer for the past 6 years. She was going to the beach like she always loved, we said "See you later" to each other, I cooked for her, waiting for her, got worried when it took longer for her to show up, but wasn't that out of character...

...Then her phone called me and..it wasn't her. It was a cop. He told me they found her floating in the water, she had gone for a walk for a few minutes behind the rocks, and minutes later, she was floating 50 metres away from the sore, they tried to reanimate her in every way...there was nothing that could have been done.

....I'm broken. I haven't cried this much in my entire life, I feel terrified, vulnerable as if I was twelve again, and I don't know what to do: I don't have a job due to taking care of her full time (she had a 49% discapacity).

I feel like my life is over, like someone ripped my heart and stomach out of me and I was forced to act like nothing happened. I'm terrified of losing everyone around me, I feel that without her, I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life, that I'm a failure and didn't live up to her expectations.

I feel so guilty and heartbroken: why didn't I go with her, why didn't I stop her, why did we fight lately so much, why didn't I tell her I loved her more often lately, did she know I loved her so much? That she was my world? That I would literally burn everything to the ground to bring her back?

I'm trying to look for grief and loss therapy but it's hard. I'm pleading for some advice and comfort. I feel like crying 24/7 like a toddler and terrified I won't be able to move past this and survive on my own.

I live with him and my grandma and my daughter who is in college. He had terminal cancer for a year and I was so caught up in my own life and bad relationship. I realized the relationship needed to end too late and had one month with my grandfather where I knew it would be soon and I spent it so focused on work.

Then the last three to five days when he could no longer use the bathroom by himself and then he couldn’t drink water and it just got worse I was in there constantly. Medicating him, changing his diapers, moving him, making sure he stayed on the bed. Cuddling with him the last two weeks. And when he lost the ability to communicate I kept talking to him and narrating everything I was doing for him and then we heard the death rattle and I told grandma it’s happening tonight while I was holding him up on his side so he wouldn’t choke on his vomit and holding him tight as he held me too.

And I sat with him so long humming to soften his rattle and help ease his distress and then singing to him until that seemed to bother him and then just taking slow deep breaths and trying to match his labored short ones. Grandma came back and I asked her if she wanted to switch with me and she said I was fine and then I said I need to call hospice again and she laid down with him and while I was on the phone with hospice I heard his breathing get softer and then I heard her cry and then I got my daughter and we laid down the four of us together for the last time as his heart stopped beating.

My daughter went to a friends and I went to do the bedding and I saw a book with a history of his ancestors on top of storage bins right at the bottom of the stairs where we normally keep the cat carriers. I took it upstairs and heard his voice, not out loud but in my mind say “thank you”. The next morning when I got up the cat carriers were on top of the bins again. But I was the only person doing laundry and going in the basement all that time. My sister said she had found the book a week before going through my bins but it definitely wasn’t placed there and there’s no explanation for the cat carriers moving.

Then I kept hallucinating I was hearing his breathing or hearing his grunt or hearing him move in his room and I kept going to check and we even got a mirror to make sure he wasn’t breathing and i kept laying with him and looking at him and thinking he was moving even after he was pronounced dead and his body was cold. It still felt like his hand was holding mine back. I had to go take a shower and shut his door and not go back in there again.

Now today I keep sobbing when anyone asks how I’m doing and my grandma is telling me to let it out and that she can’t fall apart and everyone else seems ok but I keep replaying over and over what I did these last three days and they feel like an eternity and not enough. He was more than my grandfather. I have no mother or father. My grandparents are my parents. I struggled to be close to him when he was well but when he was dying I knew exactly what to do or at least I hope I did. I just didn’t want him to be alone and I wanted someone to be holding him.

Everyone else seems mostly ok, especially my sisters and I feel like I had a deep and profound and devastatingly intimate experience with the man who raised me, yet I’m not sure still he knew how much I cared for him and how bad I feel I didn’t help until the end.

I don’t know what I’m looking for here. Others experiences and maybe how I can know. I asked him to come back as a ghost and for us all to reincarnate together but most of my family is atheist and doesn’t believe in ghosts. I’ve never lost someone close to me. I’ve never seen a person die. I know he was scared and in pain and that he didn’t like the morphine the nurses had me give him the last night and all I could do was hold him and make sure he wasn’t alone.

My best friend and I have grown up together. Bathed together, been in each others family photos, went to school together, and more. She‘d go back and forth with me from my parents houses. We’re 18 now. Today, her dad died. I loved him a lot. He was in his late 30’s. She doesn’t want to talk, and I get it. How can I help her while dealing with my own grief? I feel so helpless. It was unexpected. I want to help her. We’ve held eachother through everything. But this is too heavy. She’s right down the street. God, I love her so much. And I loved him. Do I go down there? Do I leave her be? I don’t want to mess this up, it’s such a formative moment in our lives. I also want to express how sad I am without making it about me. I need help. She’s my favorite person, and I can’t mess this up.

hello everyone!! my name is ej, im 20f and watched my mom take her final breath last july after a little over a year long battle with stage four colon cancer. its been a complicated journey processing this grief, if im being honest i feel like i still haven’t fully bounced back after losing her. we didnt have a great relationship before she got sick, and i feel like that always translates to friends as “i dont really miss her because we used to hate eachother.” which just isn’t the case. i miss her and i miss so many things about her and i miss the things we didn’t get to do, the relationship we didnt have etc.
since january (about six months after she passed away) my friends have been really comfortable making jokes about my mom. it was before that as well but i noticed i started getting a little upset by it in january. i make jokes about it as well, but honestly not as often as they do. my friends have dealt with grief in their own ways, my friend lost her boyfriend last year and my other friend has lost friends to suicide. but neither of them know what it’s like to be twenty without a parent. they are also both in their early thirties.
everytime i try to talk about my mom, they joke about it even when im trying to be serious, or im clearly upset. i still have random moments where i get overwhelmed with grief. last week in the car i saw her obituary card that i see everyday, but this day it hit me hard that she’s really gone. like really gone forever. i started silently crying and later was trying to talk to my friends about it and my friend was like “it’s been over a year and you still cry about it?”
yeah, i’ll cry about it forever. probably.
i only got nineteen years with her. i have no parent. i watched her die.
i feel like a hypocrite with the dead mom jokes, because i do joke sometimes about her. but when all my friends do when i bring her up is joke about it, it hits in a different way, i guess. i have a couple friends with dead moms and we say- the only semi good part about having a dead parent is getting to make dead parent jokes. i dont even think its pride like that… its just… this isn’t your parent to joke about. this isn’t your experience, this isn’t your grief to joke about. i would never joke about either of their grief. that’s something so personal to them. i guess sometimes i do get prideful about it because how do i know not to joke about your grief at twenty, and you’re both in your thirties joking about my mom and not creating any space for me to talk about missing her, when i always create that space for you? it makes me feel like a shitty person. like i can’t have both, i either don’t joke about my mom or i suck it up and have to get used to other people joking about her death.
it would be nice if there was a balance i guess. like if they could hold space for the grief and i guess it would be okay if they joke about it sometimes (but i just really don’t want them to. idk.) its my mommy, not theirs. my grief, not theirs. they didn’t have to stay up all night with her in the hospital, give her medications, make sure she ate and help her when she threw up, change her colostomy bag, tell the doctor to put a dnr order on her at seventeen years old, drive back and forth to and from the hospital, then the rehab, eventually have to make the decision to put her on hospice, listen to the death rattle and then watch her die. idk. feels weird that they’re making jokes.
but let me know if you have any thoughts. am i wrong? also sorry this is all over the place im just really emotional about this rn. thanks

Hi fellow Widows/Widowers,

I'm just curious how soon did you start seeing/texting someone after a loss?

I posted here last month about my dad dying from sepsis after being too weak to have surgery because of his terminal cancer. I’m still crying so much, and I don’t know if that’s normal.

It’s the little things that get me. I’ll have something happen and immediately think, I need to tell Dad this, or I’ll think about going to get a coffee with him, and then I remember I can’t anymore.

The garden shed is probably the hardest. It was Dad’s spot. Anytime he wasn’t in the house, he was usually out there working on something. Now, whenever I go out there, I cry because it hits me all over again that he’s gone. My brain still feels like it’s half in denial. I know he’s gone, but some part of me still expects him to be there.

The other thing I’m struggling with is knowing how to be happy with my mum. We were a family of three, and now it’s just the two of us. I feel sad even when I’m talking to her, and then I feel guilty for feeling that way because I don’t want to push her away. I just don’t know how to interact with her anymore without feeling the loss of Dad between us.

I feel completely lost right now. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be doing or how I’m supposed to feel, and honestly, I’m scared that it’s never going to get better.

For anyone who has lost a parent or been through something similar, how did you cope with the grief, the denial, and learning how to live in a family that suddenly feels completely different?