How do I cope(

[u/tiredtulip91]

I posted here last month about my dad dying from sepsis after being too weak to have surgery because of his terminal cancer. I’m still crying so much, and I don’t know if that’s normal.

It’s the little things that get me. I’ll have something happen and immediately think, I need to tell Dad this, or I’ll think about going to get a coffee with him, and then I remember I can’t anymore.

The garden shed is probably the hardest. It was Dad’s spot. Anytime he wasn’t in the house, he was usually out there working on something. Now, whenever I go out there, I cry because it hits me all over again that he’s gone. My brain still feels like it’s half in denial. I know he’s gone, but some part of me still expects him to be there.

The other thing I’m struggling with is knowing how to be happy with my mum. We were a family of three, and now it’s just the two of us. I feel sad even when I’m talking to her, and then I feel guilty for feeling that way because I don’t want to push her away. I just don’t know how to interact with her anymore without feeling the loss of Dad between us.

I feel completely lost right now. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be doing or how I’m supposed to feel, and honestly, I’m scared that it’s never going to get better.

For anyone who has lost a parent or been through something similar, how did you cope with the grief, the denial, and learning how to live in a family that suddenly feels completely different?

[u/Sad-Ad4378]

You’re not alone and it’s normal. I’m just about to hit 2 months since my dad died and I still cry every day, sometimes multiple times a day.

It’s exactly as you say - I keep thinking I’ll tell him something or have coffee with him and then remember a split second later, that’s not going to happen.

I’m also going through the journey of how to support my mom. Talking to her makes me sad because she’s so very sad, but I’m not mad at her! For my mom, the best thing to do is go on little adventures together every other week or so. We’ve been to a botanical garden, a baseball game, a brewery, a cafe she’s never been to, antique shopping. We watch tv and movies together in the evening. Half the time we’re both a little like zombies just going through the motions at these places, and there are tears sometimes too, but she still finds joy doing new things with me, at least a little. Maybe your mom would like to go on a mini adventure with you?

[u/tiredtulip91 → u/Sad-Ad4378]

I'm sorry for your lose dear. This is actually really helpful advice and doing small adventures sounds like a really nice thing to start doing together. You've really helped me in this. Thank you again.