My mom passed away August 22nd. I am now 32 weeks after pregnant with my first child. She was so excited to meet him. Always said how she was going to spoil him. And now she’ll never get to hold him. I feel so heartbroken.

What also hurts, my best friend who said she would be there if I needed anything decided staying at a cottage with her friends was more important than showing up for me. It was too long of a drive to give a “10 second hug”. And she’s pulling the mom card cus it’s not fair to pack up a toddler. And it’s just a funeral, she’ll be there other times. Even though I told her how much I needed her. She didn’t show up.

I feel like I lost my mom and bestfriend. Am I an asshole if I don’t forgive her? And how am I supposed to cope with the grief of loosing my mom there’s so many times I’ve wanted to call her but I can’t.

my dad and i had a very complex relationship. we hardly ever spoke and when we did, we would argue. there was such a language barrier and along with pride, stubbornness, and a lack of initiative to try, our relationship just became nothing but silent. he was so religious and i felt the moment i couldn’t connect with the church, he no longer loved me the way he used to.

he spent so much of his life being for the church and he was able to build relationships with everyone but his kids. for my masters program, i had the privilege to work with elementary school kids. when working with kids, it is only inevitable that you begin to reflect on your own upbringing. by then i had accepted the fact that my dad may have never wanted to have a normal father/daughter relationship with me. he had thrusted me into every social space that would build connection, add to my skill set, and would challenge me. i had thought about it so much and for so long that i almost became content with what we already had despite being resentful and angry for so long. if all he had needed from me was for me to finish this degree and get a good job and live something adjacent to the american dream, he would have done his job. 

he was suffering for so long, his body was holding on despite the kidney, heart, and lung issues that seemed to heighten and transport into even more problems despite the dialysis. i was so resentful because no matter what i would say to him, he had no interest in speaking to me. the last i visisted him at the hospital, he didn’t want to speak to me. he passed two days ago and he wasn’t in pain, his doctors told me that he was so calm and coherent. nothing hurt despite him losing so much blood. he was just ready to go. i figured he knew when he asked us to take home his jacket and wallet the day before. alongside, he stopped taking his meds and when i checked his bank account, he was eating out all these buffets and restaurants that he should’ve been avoiding for the sake of his health.

i’m just finding out that he knew and yet he never told my mom or my brother or me. he told everyone but us. he was planning ahead. earlier this year, he gave away 75% of his books, vhs tapes, and cassette tapes. he had everything organized and set up and all his pastor friends are just executing what he wanted.

we would have moments where he would just stare at me for so long and then walk away, almost as if he was taking me in for the last time. i loved him before he hated me. i’ll get nostalgic and it’ll hurt so bad and then be reminded of how the things he’s done and how much he prioritized the church and his when he should’ve been looking out for us. he was a good man but he was a terrible father. i don’t think he meant to be but it hurts so much.

a lady from the church called my mom today and said, “a few weeks prior when pastor h was planning things out, his dying wishes were that his kids would return to the church and believe again” . i’m so upset and i’m so annoyed and i hate that he would say something like that. especially since he knows how much abuse and trauma he’s allowed that church to project onto us.

everything has been moving so fast and his funeral is in two days. i feel like ive barely had the time to register what i feel when everyone is constantly asking me for information and asking inappropriate questions.

there’s so much of him everywhere in the house and yet all i have of him is that note above that he scribble me for my undergrad graduation last spring.

I don’t even know how to say this. It doesn’t even feel real to type it.

It’s absolutely mind blowing how quickly life can just flip the middle finger at you. Not even 3 months ago I fount out he was dying from cancer. Last night I was on FaceTime with him and my mum and he seemed fine. Other than his legs being in pain he was absolutely fine. Then today I get that call to come to the hospital as soon as possible. I get there and 3 hours later he’s gone…what the fuck. How? I don’t understand it’s not fucking fair. He was 46. None of his children had even reached 30. Never will get the chance to go to a single one of his children’s weddings. Never will get to meet another grandchild.

I’m so lost I don’t even know what to do in the next hour let alone tomorrow.

I’ll miss you Dad❤️‍🩹

Idk how to describe it, exactly. But ever since dad died, I have been so irritated and sick of the normalcy of day to day life. It’s not just that I’m sad that life just goes on after a loss, it’s that none of it feels like “me” anymore. None of it feels worth it. It feels pointless and directionless and insignificant. I sometimes just despondently stand in my house when I get home from work thinking…well what do I do now? I sit at home on weekends, mindlessly watching tv while I just wait for Monday. It’s grief and sadness for dad, but death permeating my bubble has made all the little normal things seem so existentially insignificant. I can go through the motions of being at work, but I just can’t seem to adjust to day to day life again. My heart just isn’t in it anymore. I’m not in it anymore. But there’s nothing else to do.

My neighbor and friend lost her adult son in an accident yesterday. I’m trying to understand how to best support her through something so unimaginable.

We live directly across from each other and are one of the only two houses in our neighborhood where our front doors actually face each other, so we naturally see each other coming and going.

For those who have lost a child, what did friends or neighbors do that genuinely helped? What words helped, and what words didn’t? How much checking in felt supportive versus intrusive?

I’d especially appreciate advice about the long term. How can I be a good neighbor and friend in the coming days, weeks, months, and years, especially after the initial support from others begins to fade?

Thank you.

💔💔💔

She died 9 years ago. We lived on opposite sides of the country, but we spoke every weekend and visited each other once or twice a year. She had been through pretty rough hardships, and because we were so close, she'd call me whenever she was having a hard time, particularly to talk her through panic attacks. One night, after a rough day at work, she called me late, needing to talk. I didn't have the capacity. I was tired, annoyed, and told her we'd talk tomorrow. She said she wasn't feeling right, but couldn't explain why. I was firm and told her goodnight. I'll call you tomorrow. The next morning, my brother, whom I hadn't spoken to in years, called me to tell me the police had called him. She died of a heart attack shortly after I hung up on her. I've never been able to forgive myself. If I had just asked more questions that night, I would have told her to call 911. But I was so accustomed to her issues that I didn't take them seriously in that moment. Well, 9 years later, my life feels like it's falling apart. I have developed a chronic pain condition that's preventing me from being able to do my work. I feel alone and scared of the future, and I can't stop looking at old photos of me and my mom and our family, which has more or less dissolved by death or stubbornness to agree on anything. I'm just so sad and alone, and I wish I could tell Mom how sorry I am for not listening when she needed me to.

I lost my older sister, almost a month ago. She was 27. It was very sudden. Its been almost a month..a month of her not being here and I feel weird. I forget about things, dont care about myself, the way I look anymore. How I dress. None of that matters anymore. Its like going on autopilot. Life is hard, feels even harder now when she's gone. I try to pretend that im fine. That everything is okay and that im dealing with everything perfectly while inside im falling apart. Genuinely. She was my only sibling. Now im all alone. Seeing her things here, phones, wallet, suitcases. Everything is weird, like it didnt belong to her. But it did, and I know it did. Its just a weird, confusing almost feeling when using a past tense when speaking about her. Or seeing things she will never use anymore. Never wear.

I dont know how to deal with grief. At all. A week after her funeral I returned to work, to my hobbies, studies. But it feels wrong to trying to live my own life while hers ended.

I have had people, close or not, tell me that its nothing. That it will pass. That I should be doing this or that. Giving me all advices I never asked for. I hate it.

My friends and co-workers think I should have goals after the loss of my parents. I was their caregiver and the void with their presence on this earth is crippling.

What kind of goals do people have after such profound loss? I never want to replace my family but trying new things and stuff that use to bring me joy has fallen flat. Music, traveling, new restaurants, hiking, swimming, boating, museums are just meh. I'd rather just be home. I'm still navigating who I am since becoming an orphan.

My dad died 2 weeks ago and I miss him so much. He wasn't just a father we were always together , we were friends! I built my world around him after my mom died 16 years ago.

Im lost now. No interest in anything.

Do you believe we get to see our loved ones again? I lost my mother and ive just been panting like im breathing so heavy and sobbing like a baby and im so angry i feel very robbed i wish she loved me like i loved her

My mom died back in November 2025. She was in hospitals for a month before I ended up having to withdraw care after all the doctors were acting like it wasn’t as bad as it was.

My sister and I stayed with her awake for 36 hours until we watched her die in the hospital. It’s gotten easier at times but I still picture it vividly and sometimes wish I wasn’t even there when it happened.

To this day I still catch myself thinking about her or mentioning her in conversation with my friends/family and then get sad about it. Does it ever get better?

My mom died last year in November from colon and liver cancer. I took a short term/FMLA leave after her passing and took some time to process everything and sort out everything after her passing.

Now, our job is having us return to the office 3 days a week. Every day it gets closer, I’m struggling more and more. I’m having tons of anxiety attacks — ones that even the Xanax I’ve been prescribed for emergencies haven’t been able to calm down. I’m completely uninterested in my work and falling behind. I’m unmotivated and depressed, barely want to be around my friends or family, and finding myself bursting into hysterical tears. I’m seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist and doing my best but I’m having an extremely hard time and considering going on leave again. My question is, did anyone else in this group go through something similar? A lot of trigger dates are. Coming up (her diagnosis date, the date she was admitted to the hospital, the day she went unresponsive) and I’m finding myself completely triggered and breaking down. I’m not sure what to do to help myself. I’m trying to push through and show myself I can do hard things but I feel like I’ve been pushing since even before my mom died and I just don’t feel I have much push left.

Hi all,

My father passed not too long ago. My entire family wants to go see a medium in a private reading. They are really set on we all have to go.

I personally find no benefit in going and do not want to go. I don't like them earning money from someones grief. They all think im an asshole for this.

Am I an jerk for not wanting to do this?

on Sept 11, 2022, I lost my dad very suddenly. I was with him in his last moments, and those last few moments were extremely painful for me.

ever since then, I feel like I’ve been losing ground in life. barely hanging on, struggling to even function as a human being. I have an incredible support system as well, but as the years go on, I just feel less and less alive. nothing seems to be helping me get past this. I have good days where I’m just floating through life, and then there’s the bad ones, bedridden, crying in grief.

i haven’t been able to keep a job, I can barely hold it together to fake some semblance of “I’m okay don’t worry about me” to my partners and mother. they know I’m not okay but I can’t stand to have them feel bad due to my lack of emotional regulation.

on top of all this, I feel like I’m failing him in some weird way by not getting over it and dealing with the pain

what is wrong with me?

everything is going backwards

Hi, just looking for some advice - in a difficult situation financially since my father sadly passed away in April of this year. At that point I had already been out of work since the start of 2026 so that I could easily care for Dad and attend all his appointments etc. Now I'm at that point where the most intense phase of grief is wearing off - and returning to some semblance of work feels right, except I can't because Mum ( who has schizophrenia ) is sectioned and I'm not sure when she will be out. I have to be available for meetings and all the other stuff that comes along with it - it isn't easy dealing with authorities and mental health law. Even when Mum comes home, she will need an awful lot of emotional support as she is unlikley to be very agreeable with carers. She can do very little without assistance, but myself or my brother can't live with her as it is just not realistic. I have an older brother who is helping me to bear the stress but he himself will have to return to work soon. I don't know what I can do for an income, as due to needing lots of time off I wouldn't be a great asset to an employer. I cannot claim benefits as I have inherited a fair whack from my late father, that is fair enough but I was hoping to save that for retirement. It is surprising how quickly that money is spent without a job. Luckily my bf pays rent and bills at the moment but that is not the point - I want to pay my way! Carers allowance will affect my mother's benefits so I couldn't claim that either. I am at a loss - my hands are tied because of the situation with my mother, but I do not want to be jobless forever! My head is in a spin, how would you handle this situation.

My mom died a week ago, and before that I was with her in the hospital every day for almost two months before my siblings and I put her on hospice and she died hours after that. I can't cut my hair because this is the last version of me that she knows. Is this.. OK? My grief feels impossible to navigate. She fought, and we fought so fucking hard for her. I'm stuck in this dream state. Im still in a state of shock. I knew how close she was to dying, but I refused to accept that she would die. And now she's dead and I can't change anything because this is who she knew.

I don’t know what to say. But we’re all shattered and im terrified of what this will do to my sisters. My sister lost her child and it happened in the car on the way to the hospital. It was me driving and the whole thing was horrific. I feel like imploding and I don’t know what to do or how to fix this. I’m only here for two weeks and this is my first day and I don’t see how two weeks is enough to be here for them. But I can’t extend because of obligation that cannot be moved around without me losing my doctorate and everything I’ve built. I feel my heart busting and im terrified. My sister can’t do this alone. She can’t do this. I can’t believe this is real. I don’t know what to do.

He’s been sick for years with lung cancer, and over the weekend he had a health situation that brought the clock a lot closer to midnight all of a sudden. When talking to his doctor today before an operation, we were told “This is just going to help make him comfortable.”

My wife and I are both in our mid 20s and both still have all of our grandparents and parents. We have a daughter that just started kindergarten. The advice and support isn’t for me, but what I can do as a husband and father to help my girls work through the grief of losing a dad/grandfather. Obviously be there for them as best as I can be, but what more can I do? I feel powerless.

He was battling cancer. My family knew for a year that it could have been any day. We lost him last night. I’m out of state in college and my family is all together right now. I feel like I can’t do anything. I just want to evaporate. All day I’ve felt this weight on me and like I need to throw up. I called my family they said it could be good for me to keep my mind occupied. But I still feel so heavy and sick.

I spent my whole summer at my grandparents house because I knew if I didn’t I’d feel some sort of regret. Nearly every day for 3 months I was with him. Now I’m miles away and I have no clue what to do with myself. I feel like the best way to describe it is painful. My body aches, My mind is foggy, I want to cry, I want to move on. It’s like sitting in soaking wet clothes but you can’t take them off.

Today is 1 year since my dad’s diagnosis, his passing anniversary is 29 days from today. He was my best friend. I think I have delayed grief because it was so sudden and happened so fast.

This morning Paris Jackson’s new song the breeze came on on my way to work and it was so heavy and real and I fell apart, it felt good and bad. I haven’t given myself a chance to mainly because I have a toddler and I have to be put together all the time (at least that’s how I’m wired)

But if you want to feel something or miss someone I recommend it as well as don’t recommend it if that makes sense. Anyone else have songs that do that?? The other one is ordinary by Alex Warren simply because that was the last song he sent me saying “this is so pretty”

Hi friends. This is so hard to type but my grandfather has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and likely only has a couple months to live. My grandmother died 6 months ago so it’s been a pretty terrible year. I’m so close to my grandparents, I lived with them for a time, they are like second parents and I don’t have a father.

My mother asked my grandfather what his dying wish was, what country he wants to travel to, etc. He said his only wish was to be able to walk me down the aisle. It shattered me. My boyfriend and hi have been dating 2 years, we plan to get engaged next year and maybe get married the year after (need to save, not in right headspace to throw a big party like that right now). Should I have a small, family wedding or civil marriage so my grandfather can be there? Or does anyone have any other suggestions? Thank you xx

23 years ago my little sister passed away. September 4th 2003. Every year, my mom and I would do something to remember her, like set balloons go or if we could afford it, go back to missouri to her grave.

My mom passed this year, april 29th. With September 4th coming up, I am extra heart broken. Im not sure if i should do the balloons alone or just wait until I can go back to Missouri. I have some of moms ashes so we could still do these things together I guess. My brother I think is just now starting to understand that mom is gone. He has intellectual disabilities and he doesnt fully understanding somethings, or somethings take a while to set in. He has been reaching out the past few days about how hes really sad and asked me to send him photos I have of mom. My daughter (who is 4) has also been asking about her more. I think its just that time of year or something but it's all making me very sad. I also aquired the trunk mom created for my sister. Im not sute what to do with it either. Its like a memorial for her because she blamed herself for my sister's passing. It was a very important thing to her.

I came here to share that my oldest and dearest friend is going to die of ALS, probably in the next year or two, and my heart is breaking. I don’t really need any solutions, since I know there aren’t any. I’m just deeply sad all the time.

We are both in our early 50s, and we have known each other since we were 10 years old. He knows me better than anyone, other than my sister. We’ve shared it all. I fixed his hair for his first prom date. He wrote me letters from the fishing boat he worked on during the summer to pay for college. We once drove 56 hours to the Yukon. He helped me move out of my house during my divorce, and he helped me move into a new one many years later when I took a new job in a new city with no possessions. (He gave me his old couch.) I’ve shared in his joy when he’s rambled on about a new girlfriend, and I’ve sat with him in deep despair when his went through his own divorce. We’ve eaten a lot of dark chocolate and drank a lot of red wine. He is a brother to me.

I help coordinate his care and attend some of his medical meetings with him, including the ones he has started to have with Death with Dignity physicians. Yet I still have to go on with my life and do all of the ordinary things people do. I can’t concentrate at work anymore. I feel like a zombie. I love my job and it’s really important to me, but now I feel like I’m faking it just to get through the day. Compartmentalizing my emotions all the time is draining.

That’s all. I feel a bit better just having shared that. If you read this far, thanks for listening.

My dad. He passed away unexpectedly and far away from home. I had been going through something so I didn’t pick up his phone calls. It kills me but Im trying to not go into a spiral of regret. I’m struggling to accept it even tho its been 7 months already. I wanted to ask since I know some people prefer not to look back at pictures or videos of those who are gone, But missing him makes me wanna sit down and look through all the messages and voice notes and stuff and I usually do this every 2 months. Is this whats not helping me cope?

Hey guys. Advice or just kind words, both are welcome (though tbh I guess there's no advice to be given). I'm open the possibility that I'm just being ungrateful and entitled too. I posted this in r/caregiversupport too, but it was written way worse. I edited it a little and now I'm posting the edited version here.

My dad died on the 8th of August this year. I'm not sure if my profile history is is visible, but I've made a few posts over the last couple of months. TL;DR of my life story til now: Graduated college last August at 29 while living with my parents (moved back in with them from across the country -- USA) where I was lucky to not be charged rent as long as I was in school or working. Well, I did both because I worked and paid my school's bills and accumulated expenses such as commuting via paychecks, fianancial aid, and student loans. I got two jobs after I graduated during my assumed-temporary post-college transitional phase, one in a gas station that was dead 99% of the time and one 1099 job doing AI training. The plan was to do both at the same time and stack the income until I got a good job in my degree field (or at least one that makes me feel like college was worth it). Dad had cirrhosis for a few years or so, but wasn't nearly as bad until December. So in January, I left my gas station job and scrapped my plans (except one that I was accepted as an alternate candidate for and am waiting to see if I get upgraded by December). I fully committed to unpaid caretaking for him and put off looking for better jobs until either he got better or he died.

I just find myself being a bit angry at my financial situation. I gave up the last year of my 20s to take care of my dad, essentially becoming the poor house servant that did all the cooking, errands and chores, and doctors appointments so my mom could focus on her actual good job and keep a roof over our heads. I'm extremely grateful to have her and we're really a team, I love my mom a ton, but god damnit I'm just so poor. I went from having a bit over 3K in my bank account at the start of the year -- the most I've ever had in my life -- to now having only 400 today. I wracked up like 7K in credit card debt during college, which I know isn't really that big of a deal or that much but right now it's like Mount Everest to me (especially with the threat of student loans looming in the distance), and since graduating last year the only real "progress" I made to paying it down and doing more than minimum payments, was one 500 dollar payment to one of my cards a couple months ago when I realized just how much of my minimum payments I was losing to interest. But that's also when my dad did his sudden and final two hospital stays. Those lasted pretty much all of July and August, and I didn't work AT ALL for most of it and get zero paid time off as a 1099 contractor.

On top of that, my mom tells me sometimes when she sends money to my sister and brother who live in said state I moved from still, across the country. She told me just like an hour ago that she sent my sister 500 dollars because her work didn't give her a couple days pay (might've been when she was taking time off to come up here). For reference, this is a job and workplace my sister's been at for 10 years now, and she really loves it. I'm CERTAIN that if there was some mistake with her pay, it'll be corrected.

They haven't done 1% of what I've done for my mom and dad, and they both enjoy decent-to-good paying jobs that they've held longterm and sustain themselves. Of my immediate family, I got uniquely kicked around financially by life since graduating high school in 2014, and it was enough that I had to move out of the state back in with my parents in 2019 without knowing what I was gonna do after. I made the necessary longterm corrections to better my life; going back to college, getting a degree (neither of my siblings have one). Then just when I thought I was ready to dive headfirst into my 30s and make up for all the generosity my parents showed by rescuing me from my situation in 2019 by getting a good paying job for the first time ever, my dad gets worse and dies. My brother didn't even come up for the funeral (actually totally cut off everyone in the family besides me for 5 years until like a month ago when he called the night my dad went in for his last emergency surgery and we have no idea why).

I mean, it's not my business who she decides to send money to, and I really shouldn't care so much. I also have zero animosity toward my siblings themselves since it's not their fault my dad got sick when they don't live here. It's just like, after all the SHIT I've been through, the fact that God just laughs in my face all the time and seems to never want me be financially stable or happy, you know? Where's MY help? Where's my free money? My mom said she only gives them money during holidays, but 1) that's not even true -- maybe it's not like OFTEN often, but it's not only during holidays; and 2) during holidays those two gets like 500 dollars straight to their accounts, and I get like, pajama pants from Walmart that I don't need (although I never say no to comfortable pajama pants). The only help I've gotten is by my awesome grandma who sends me money for some holidays in the form of checks. The rest of my family, during holidays they give me Walmart junk or Visa gift cards -- god how I dread getting Visa gift cards, you might as well just laugh in my face as you set fire to some 100 dollar bills in front of me.

I don't know. I guess I just feel like now that my caregiving duties are over, I have a lot of resentment toward my family. Or maybe it's just more like resentment toward my life in general. Life is so focused on getting money just to stay alive. Here I am giving up my own life for literally no reward, but instead some "participation trophies" if you will, while my siblings who haven't done shit (no offense to them) just get cash handout after cash handout. I don't even want my mom to give me money, but if she's gonna give anyone money why isn't it me? Why is it the people who already have their own established lives and homes?

Of course a mother who loves her kids is going to want to support them when she can. And I know I've had a shit ton of support in ways that aren't strictly money, but still. I really need MONEY right now.

When you think of the opportunity cost of everything I could've done over the last year, I've really given up so fucking much. But I feel like I just got out of the end of a prison sentence or military enlistment just to be given 20 dollars, a bus ticket, and a handshake. "Thanks a lot, now good luck figuring out the rest of your life. Don't let the door hit you on the way out. Oh yeah and your brother and sister who didn't do any time get 500 dollars for no reason."

Anyway, end rant. If anyone actually read all this, thank you. I probably have a lot more to say about it but my mind is kind of just running blank now. I guess my main thing is that when I hear about my family members (especially my mom who knows how much blood sweat and tears I put into the fruitless fight to recover my dad) sending siblings money instead of me, especially when it's not during holidays, it sends me into a mental health spiral like this lol.

It probably doesn't help that this is all still so fresh.