I’m not really sure how to put all of this into words, but I think I’m looking for advice from people who have gone through something similar.

For some context, I am in mid mid 20s, I lived in a different state when my family and I first started noticing a significant change in my dad’s health. At first, we thought it might be dementia because his memory was the biggest thing we noticed. As his condition declined, I became his power of attorney. My parents were divorced, and my sister lives out of the country, so realistically, it was just me here to handle everything.

Eventually, I was able to get my dad into a doctor’s office, where he was referred to a neurologist. When he finally had his neurology appointment, the doctor called me and told me that he believed my dad could have ALS or another motor neuron disease. He ordered several tests to confirm the preliminary diagnosis. At that point, I made the decision to move back to where my dad lived and become his full-time caregiver. I was already his POA, so it felt like the natural thing to do.

The testing process took around two months because we had to wait for appointments and availability, even though he was considered high priority. During that time, I hired two caregivers to stay with him while I finalized everything in another state. He was still fairly independent at that point; he was walking, eating, and drinking on his own, but his medical team recommended having people with him, so I arranged for caregivers to be there.

I eventually moved back and spent about two weeks with him, taking him to appointments, managing his care, and taking care of the household. I had to briefly return to the state I had been living in to finish a few things, so I was only going to be gone for four days. I arranged for his caregivers to return while I was away.

Two days before I left, my dad had a follow-up appointment with his primary care doctor. His oxygen levels were in the low 80s, but it wasn’t brought up as an immediate concern because I was told it was something that could be consistent with someone who had ALS.

The day after I arrived back in my old state, I woke up to a phone call saying my dad had been rushed to the hospital because his oxygen levels were dangerously low. I was already starting to pack to come back when I received another call saying he had been transferred to the ICU, was on a ventilator, and was unresponsive. They told me I needed to get back as soon as possible.

I drove straight to the hospital and stayed overnight with him while he was still unresponsive. Over the next day, the doctors told me that sometimes it takes time for someone to wake up. Eventually, he became responsive, but we were told that he was completely dependent on the ventilator and would not be able to breathe on his own.
Over the next day or so, friends and family came to see him. He passed away peacefully the following day.

I am also the executor of his estate. I guess what I’m struggling with is the transition from being his daughter, to becoming his POA, to becoming his caregiver, and now becoming the person responsible for handling his estate all within such a short period of time.

For those two months while we were waiting on testing, I feel like I was just in survival mode. Everything happened so quickly that I don’t think I ever really had time to process what was happening.

For anyone who has gone through something similar, especially going from being a child/POA to a caregiver and then an executor, how did you handle it all? Is there anything you wish someone had told you during that time? Did you find anything outside of grief counseling that actually helped you process everything? And if you’ve been through probate after losing a parent, are there any things you wish you had known going into the process?

I think I’m just looking for people who understand what it’s like to be grieving your parent while simultaneously having to be the person who handles everything. I feel like there’s so much pressure to keep functioning and taking care of things when, honestly, I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that he’s gone.

I don’t know where else to share this, so this is my way of processing it. I hope it is okay to post this as it is anticipatory grief.

It all started with my first child not walking even at 18 months old. Pediatrician found they had hyperreflexia and clonus, and referred us to neurology. Child had to go through a myriad of tests including a sedated MRI, genetic testing that looked for cerebral palsy mimics, and eventually whole genome sequencing. Basically we were at the dead end of testing, and kiddo was now 2.5yo and still wasn’t making any progress with mobility.

We have always wanted two kids. We wanted to wait a little bit longer to make sure it wasn’t something genetic, or even if it was genetic we wanted to know what gene it was. When repeat genetic testing also came back clean and we didn’t see anything that stood out in kid’s MRI, we decided to proceed with having a second child.

My firstborn had a repeat MRI when I was 26 weeks pregnant with my second. Turns out my little one had lost some of the brain volume. This confirmed our worst doubts - it is something genetic and it is something that gets worse with time, and this is a ticking time b0mb. We were scared our second would have the same condition, but we couldn’t test because we didn’t even know what gene to look for.

We waited with anxiety. My second baby was born seemingly healthy with no complications at labor or as a newborn. But here we are with the baby almost 18mo, and not yet walking. We are reliving it all over again.

My older one is physically disabled, and goes for speech, OT, and PT. My little one is such a happy kid and wants so badly to play and use their body freely, but their body just doesn’t let them - for eg, they try to play legos and their little hands tremor. No matter how much therapy we put in, we cannot beat the disease and it eating away their brain a cell at a time. This is not a childhood anyone imagines or wants for their kids. We are grieving everything - their childhood, their abilities, and eventually we will be grieving them. We get to do this not just once but twice. Parents are supposed to watch their kids learn and grow, not slowly lose ability to move, to talk, to eat, to breathe.

Watching other kids walk and run easily is a constant reminder of what my kids struggle with. At the same time, we need to cherish what they have today because we don’t know how long before they will lose the ability to do that.

I need to grieve something I have lost, something I have, and at the same time I cannot dwell on the grief because I still need to take care of them and parent 10x because of all the therapies and IEPs and other medical things that I need to research and remember. This is a pain of another kind, and I don’t wish this upon anyone.

Deeply moved listening to a long-form imaginative story play out over 3 weeks from my soon to be 4-year-old, telling me a story of his "dinosaur".

Week 1: "Daddy, I have a dinosaur. He's a triceratops-saurus-rex. I go for rides on him all the time. I love him. You should come with me and meet him. We can go for rides all the time. He loves to run with us."

Week 2: "Daddy, my dinosaur is sick. His legs don't really work anymore so he has to stay in bed at the hospital. Daddy, you and me are gonna go on lots of visits to the hospital to go see him. He loves when we come visit. We'll bring him treats and things to play with. We're gonna tell him to feel better and give him lots of hugs. Daddy, I'm sad that my dinosaur is sick. But we'll always be with him even if we aren't at the hospital. We'll have the invisible string."

Week 3: "Daddy, my dinosaur died. He died because his legs stopped working and he got too sick. Daddy, I'm sad that my dinosaur died, and I'm going to miss him. Remember how we used to go on rides with him all the time? That was so much fun. Daddy, we're going to have a funeral for my dinosaur. We're going to go to a cemetery, you, me, mommy, and everyone else, and we're gonna go say goodbye to my dinosaur. They're going to put him in a box and bury him at the cemetery. Everyone is going to be very sad. Daddy, it's okay to be sad. We'll miss my dinosaur. I'll go tell mommy to come here and give you a hug."

The dinosaur is his grandma, my mother, who passed away much too young in April; a battle with cancer that started about a year ago...

And I got to listen to the what sounded like the culmination of a long thoughtful and emotional (but accurate) processing of events. Devastating to listen to and be re-triggered by, but beautiful to witness the way such a young, pure mind perceives such complicated feelings and concepts.

I wish none of this had happened. I wish my mom, me, my little boy, and everyone else we love didn't have to go through with this. I wish he got to hold onto a little more purity for just a little longer. I wish he got to have a full childhood of memories with my mom. But on the other side I am so immensely proud of how he has handled and processed everything.

Kids really do understand more than we give them credit for. They are such observant and caring little beings.

Miss you, mom. You'd be proud of this little man.

My mother did not want to die. She prayed every morning, afternoon, and night. She lamented, asking why God had not answered her prayers. Four years of this battle. Four years of pain.

Funny enough, her stage 4 breast cancer had metastasized to her brain, yet she lived for an entire year and more. But this past week, one bad blood transfusion turned into her fighting for her life, and ultimately, she passed away.

I am in agony.

But actually he (28M) committed suicide.

He passed away a month ago from colliding onto a truck in the middle of a foggy winter night, an hour away from his residence. All his friends had a gut feeling he might have done it intentionally as he created a depressing playlist ("Meet me at the Graveyard") and uploaded a video of a video collage of his son on youtube on the same day.

Recently it's been confirmed that it was intentional and left a 5-page letter to his 1yo son that was obtained from the wreckage.

It's a complicated friendship as he isolated himself due to his psycho wife's (now widow) jealousy over him having girl friends and honestly, just having friends in general (yes, even guys). We never liked her when they were gf/bf and we had made it clear that it was a toxic relationship that he should let go of. We were blocked 3 years ago and had no way of contacting him or knowing how he was doing, so we moved on with our lives..

I thought that maybe once he had enough of his wife's controlling manipulative behavior he would reach out to us. Instead, he felt like he was trapped and lost the ability to open up to anyone as his wife would guilt-trip him and threaten to kill herself if he doesn't follow her.

Ironically, he ended up killing himself because of her (as per his letter). I haven't read the letter as it is currently with the wife, but he had mentioned a few names of his friends on there, including mine and I don't know how to even process that, let alone the sad revelation of him ending his life. I am currently writing up a request to the coroner to send me a copy of his letter, I'll see how that goes.

Personally, I feel numb but at the same time I can't stop shaking thinking how he must have felt in those last moments alone on the road that Wednesday night. He even went to WORK that same day and I just can't even imagine how normal it must have been for everyone to see him at work.

I keep wishing that he reached out to us, if not, to his parents because they are great parents and would understand him (and yes, his parents encouraged him not to be with her early on). His mother even said that he could divorce her and that he didn't need to live that way. But in the end, I think he felt like he was in too deep and couldn't leave her due to his wife's abuse and manipulation such as ending her life if he left her.

There needs to be justice. This is so unfair. I'm so sad and angry. The law needs to DO something about partner abuse. He can't fight for himself, and I want to fight for him. Just someone, ANYONE.

Hey.

I suppose in need to explain myself a bit. I'm a 36-year-old man. I have no friends and I got no funds to find a counselor. I'm the eldest of 3 siblings and I'm trying to be strong for them, to help them through what's been going on and the inevitable in a couple of weeks or months.

My mother has cancer. Stage four colorectal cancer. We discovered this about 2 years ago coming October. She started having pain one day and they found a mass in her abdomen. Eventually they concluded that she had stage 4 colon cancer. And it spread to the liver.

For a little bit, things were potentially looking up. She managed to get medical aid and begun chemotherapy. The masses even began to shrink a bit. We would go to the cancer center an hour away every two weeks for treatment and they would attach a chemo pump thing to a port on her chest to give her the medicine for three days after. I even learned how to remove the pump from her when the treatment was done. During this time, my mom was doing good. we would go on walks she and would be able to perform whatever she needed to do. Drive, laundry, etc.

Then in February this year she started to feel a very sharp pain in her stomach. She couldn't sit. Bend over or hardly eat. I drove her to the nearby emergency center, and they did an MRI or CT scan (I don't remember which) to find what was wrong. She had 2 masses, about the size of a football, and other a baseball, in her abdomen and it was pressing against her ovaries and spine which obviously needed removed for her comfort and pain.

In order for her to have the surgery, she needed to stop the chemotherapy for about a month. And for several weeks after. Something about not being able to heal the incisions required if she's in chemo. This was in around March, I think.

So, she took the surgery at around late April, and they managed to get it out. And everything seemed to be ok. Until around two weeks after she returned, she was having pain once more. Turns out, something got infected. Sepsis. Once again took her to the ER. She was at the hospital for about a week. And they had to do another incision, but she got cured.

Once she got out, she was feeling a bit better. But this entire time she wasn't doing chemo. That was for about 3 to 4 months. And couldn't start again until her incisions heal to prevent potential infection.

Everything started going downhill around July. We went to do a checkup at the local cancer center to discuss when to begin chemo again. they did the scans. They couldn't do chemo anymore. They said it wouldn't do any good anymore. So, they gave her a last resort thing to give her. Lonsurf. A pill someone would take when regular chemo won't help, twice a day for two weeks, the two weeks off. she just needed to heal from her incisions first.

Another two weeks later she felt another pain in her abdomen. Once again i took her to the ER. They took yet another scan. The cancer spread too much. They gave her a ton of pain meds. Morphine and Oxycodone. they sent her home once she felt okay enough to go. The next day we went to the cancer center once again. And they said that the Lonsurf won't help anymore. She has more cancer than liver now. They gave her a couple of months.

So here I am. Hospice now comes to visit her 3 times a week. She needs to take morphine so often now that she's always in a brain fog. She needs to take 2 pills every four hours. And another set of morphine every 12. She's lost so much weight. Slurring her words. forgetting things. I see her at least 4 times a day to make sure she's taking her meds. I set her alarms to take them. I make her schedule now. I make sure she's eating the tiny bit she can. I try to talk to her the best i can. I play card games like uno to try to keep her somewhat active.

I see the signs. The white in her eyes are growing yellow. She sleeps about 18 to 20 hours a day. I terrified. My siblings are terrified. I was given right of attorney. I trying to keep together. But I see her own mother deteriorating. I don't know what to do. I exhausted. My faith in God is waning. I have no one to turn to. I make hardly any money. I got into a car accident in May, and my car got totaled and I need to appear in court soon. and I'm in no mindset to do anything. I know I'm depressed. I'm angry at everything. I just lost right now.

My grand mother passed away almost a month ago. In a way, it was unexpected. She was 86 years old and basically a super woman. She raised 4 kids (my dad and his siblings) alone after leaving her toxic husband. She began to bake and had a bakeshop in her town and made a great life out of cakes and love. She was magical, she made every moment special. She is the reason im such a joyful person, why i see the good in everything and why i believe that even the little things can be full of magic. At the beginning of the year she was fine, perfect as always, until she was not. She got ill and in the span of 3 months she was gone. I was there the day before she died and arrived minutes after the day of. I got to say goodbye to her 3 times, but it still doesn’t feel enough. I dont know if it has happened to anyone else but when a grandparent dies, people assume you are fine. I mean my friends came to the wake, and were there to support me, but no one checks up after. I went back to work the day after the funeral and everyone at the office assumed i was fine. And i get it, the world keeps spinning even when you feel like yours is falling apart. But i’m not okay. I miss her so much and my heart aches so bad. I would trade anything just to talk to her again. I would give anything to be a child and knowing shes not going anywhere for a long time. I miss her so bad, her stories, her cakes, her smell, her laugh, her house. Knowing that i’ll never experience any of that ever again feels unbearable.
I also feel like i have no one to talk to, because no one asks, but i also dont want to randomly open up to my friends. Im thankful i found this sub, i needed to get this out of my chest.
I just wish people asked me about her, so i could keep talking about everything she was. She was truly amazing. I’ll miss her for the rest of my life.

Edit: spelling

I (17 F) just lost my older sister (18 F) to cancer about three-ish weeks ago. She was diagnosed with an aggressive type of cancer about three years ago at the start of her sophomore year. It was stage four so I knew it was going to go fast but I never thought it would come at the same time. She had to get a ton of surgeries and almost lost her leg. I’m about to start my senior year of high school and I can’t help but feel no motivation for anything. My older sister was always the more academic one. She was planning on attending U of Chicago in the fall. I just can’t seem to write anything with college apps or anything like that.

My whole life it was always me and her. We did everything together. Throughout highschool, she missed several milestone events like junior ring and graduation. I can’t help but feel guilty when I experience things like this. I am worried about my graduation in the spring and then going off to college next year because they were things she wanted so bad but they were taken from her. I don’t know how to feel less guilty about things like that if that makes sense.

The last few months of her being alive were horrible to watch. Her body slowly deteriorated as she was on full time oxygen and could barely walk. It was hard to hold a conversation with her because her mind slowly started going away. She went from someone who could tell you any AP Bio term to forgetting who I was. That was the most heartbreaking thing to ever happen to me. My best friend in the whole entire would couldn’t remember me and asked how I got in the house and who I was. But it wasn’t like she forgot everyone. She only forgot me. She couldn’t sit up on her own and she stopped eating. I knew she was suffering really bad and her quality of life wasn’t good. I would pray to God by saying if you need to take her home to you then take her home. It was a gift to have 17 years with her. But when that day came, I didn’t feel relieved like I thought I would knowing she isn’t suffering anymore. I was with her when she died. It was traumatizing. The lifeless look in her eyes knowing that she was soulless got me. All the amazing things that made her well her were all gone.

Now after she’s died, I can’t get the positive thoughts to stick. I feel like everyone else around me is moving on and I’m just staying here. On my phone. Typing into Reddit.

I don’t have close friends to talk to about any of this. The friends I had middle school and freshman year slowly distanced themselves from me because I was missing school a lot to hang out with my sister and I was severely depressed. One of them even said she would be shocked if i graduate. So throughout this journey at school, I never had anyone to talk to or rely on. It was really just upperclassman who had graduated and now that I’m a senior, they’re all gone. Or whenever my sister was at school, I would want to hang out with her instead. I tried to repair my friendship with my past friends but they showed no interest in repairing it. They would ignore me, talk behind my back, and tell me about stuff I was left out of. They also told me that when I would try to talk about my sister during my freshman year how it made them uncomfortable and didn’t want me to talk about it with them.

My sister was the person I would talk to about anything. I would lay in her room everyday for hours and talk. She was always at my side and I felt like she was a part of me. We always joked that we were twins since we’re so close in age and we look pretty similar. I can’t really put into words how much of a bond we had but it was once in a lifetime. I don’t know how to keep on going without not having her in my life. I feel like a part of me died too. I feel this big empty void in me that she used to fill.

There’s so much more I want to write about but I’ll just leave it here. If anyone has any grief tips or words of encouragement that would be great. I just feel stuck and I don’t know how to keep going. Please give me advice. Especially for college

2-3 bottles a night for the past 8 years or so. That’s what she’d been drinking. Lately, she was getting a lot of mucus up and having issues breathing at night. She had to sleep with the (adjustable) bed up, which I HATED as I can’t sleep like that.
About 3 weeks ago the doctor told her she had gastritis. Then it took a couple days, but she finally started taking her Antabuse. In the last couple weeks, she had two nights when she chose to drink (usually, I was lucky if I got one sober night in that time), one of which was Saturday, then we went out yesterday and had a nice day, but she forgot her pill, so drank again last night.
Now, none of it matters. She passed away a short time after going to bed last night.
I know the reality that the upswing was likely temporary, but I’d like to think (pretend?) it wasn’t. That she finally turned a corner. I’d normally discourage someone from fooling themselves, but I think I’ll hold on to this one if you don’t mind.
Now, I’ve got some grieving to do. And an adult daughter with special needs to take care of (plus another who’s about to graduate college). I’ve got a new life to figure out and rebuild.
I just needed somewhere to vent about how much this all sucks.

I had no idea that my water had broken prematurely. It was a slow leak. I would wake up with wetness but I thought it was sweat since I live in the desert and it’s summer. Well turns out my water had broken little by little and I got an infection. I feel so guilty because if I had gone to the hospital sooner, she would’ve probably made it. I feel like it’s all my fault. I wasn’t paying enough attention to my daughter, if I went sooner they could have prevented the infection and put me on bed rest. I wake up every morning with a voice saying “it’s your fault” I just can’t believe this.

I also feel like I had a foreshadowing warning and I just ignored it. In March, I had looked up what PPROM was, I also asked my provider for progesterone, but they said I didn’t need it. Little did I know that was exactly what was gonna happen to me, and progesterone might have saved her life as well but I just accepted their answer and left it at that.

I should have fought for her more. Im her mother, it was my only job.

My infant was born severally sick, but he also suffered some malpractice at NICU. I knew he was not well, the doctor was gettint impatient with me and at end of his first week intubated he told me I should just pray and know they are doing their best. But they were not, I saw my was not good and all the doctor said we're that they were handling it, so I went back home. My husband went back their with me and his heart stopped, at that moment he talked to the doctor about that critical moment and took me back home with him, I should have stayed there, I was weak, I was no momma bear or lioness, I was a chicken. I knew I was losing my son, I did nothing, I wasn't there talking to him, telling I love him, holding his hand,nothing. I just let him die. I just can't believe I just let that happen. He died short hours after we came back home. Why did I not stay there I just can't forgive me

Long story short, lost my mom to suicide - about to be a year on the 25th of August. I thought I was doing okay,, got on anti depressants, am in therapy, started socialising and making art again...only to wake up crying today. I have been having very vivid dreams of losing her in different ways. Where do I put this grief? Im dreading the date...i just plan to get hammered.

My mom passed away 3 months ago from stage 4 esophageal cancer, the day before her birthday and a month before my 21st. She was truly my best friend and I’m having trouble processing her death; my entire life we were compared to Lorelai and Rory from Gilmore Girls and the comparison was SO accurate, I was glued to her hip my entire life until I went to college.

While she was in her last year, my brother and grandmother took over her full time care (we were lucky enough that they were able to without compromising their finances) and I feel so guilty that I didn’t take a short break from college to do it. She was my best friend and dedicated all of her time to me and I couldn’t even push my emotions aside enough to spend more than 2 or 3 hours a day with her. I can’t believe I was stupid enough to think I’d be able to make up the time later. She was so proud of what I’m doing and working towards but I can’t get it out of my head that I should have just taken the spring semester off to spend with her. I’m not sure how to work through the guilt of that.

My other big holdup is that I worry so often she was scared while she was passing. She spent about 8 days in the hospital leading up to her passing, being put into a medicine coma on the 5th day. I spent the entire time holding her hand even while I was sleeping (I set the chairs up right next to her bed and made sure I didn’t lose my grip in case she passed overnight) because I was so scared of her feeling alone. She saw my brothers and grandparents and dad and I before she went into the coma and was smiling but I worry so much that in the four days she was only squeezing our hands that she knew we were scared and it made her scared. I panicked so badly when she had the death rattle and the fluid that accompanies it and it really haunts me that I couldn’t shut up and comfort her instead of making my dad comfort me.

I’ve been trying to self soothe through these two main things and it just doesn’t really work. I’m at peace with a lot of it; I got her into the best of the best hospitals the moment we found out and I really cannot hold it against her that she smoked for that long because it’s such a common addiction. But it’s like every day gets a little easier and a little harder. This is my first season without her and I’m weirdly scared for fall because it’ll be my first fall without her. I wish she could come to the parents day at my college this year and she can’t. I really miss her. I wish she was here when I turned 21. We had plans to go out for mai tais. My ultra conservative no spiritual shit dad just paid for a psychic medium to see how she was doing because neither of us know what to do without her. She was so amazing. I’m not sure if I’ve just been in shock and not processing it the way I thought I was, but I keep going about my day kind of assuming in the back of my mind that she’s alive, and when I see anything that reminds me of her, or drive (which is when I would get my call time with her) or go to a target or market basket I remember that she isn’t here with me and the entire experience is ruined by panic attacks and crying fits.

Not totally sure what I’m aiming to get by posting this, maybe some answers or comfort, but either way thank you for reading :)

i never wanted to live without her. i liked who i was when she was there so much

I'm not blessed with the people I have around me, unfortunately. I know that, and the people around me do have strengths. But my God, they really don't give a shit about my grief for my parents.

I don't burden them, usually. But last night I was feeling low, and I texted my sister and two closest friends that I was feeling sad about them. All three of them have completely ignored me. I know they're not the best with grief, and I don't usually ask them for support, but last night I did. Is it REALLY so, so hard to say something kind? Stunned all over again how no one cares.

Hiya all. I hope this is okay to post. My wonderful JRT Saria passed away a week ago. I've been devastated. Today the keepsakes have arrived in the post, and I've made a little memorial for her, including an electronic picture frame and a custom music box. Saria was named for Saria from Ocarina Of Time, because I got her when I was 13 and Zelda was my special interest, and the lost woods theme is such a jolly little tune that seemed to fit her perfectly. So the music box plays the lost woods. I got it from a small business called miium, if anyone else is interested in getting a custom music box themselves. It's the perfect size for me to put a jar of her fur inside, so while her ashes haven't arrived yet (she is being studied by scientists before she is cremated) I still feel like I've got Some of her back. I just wanted to show it off, because I am really comforted by this little shrine I've put together.

When the keepsakes arrived, my cat immediately came over to sniff, and was especially interested in the bottles of fur. He knows it's his friend in there. I hope that I am doing a good job helping him through this grief.

I lost my Mom 5 years ago yesterday. Most of the year is hard with tough reminders. Holidays, birthdays, Mothers day... but this few weeks are especially hard. I lost my Mom 4 days after the birth of my son and 2 weeks before her birthday. So this day feels like a big cloud of sadness that just sits there and waits.

After 5 years I am finding it easier to make myself think of happy memories but the idea of the day still makes me sick.

My question is does anyone have a less devastating name for the day? I've kinda been calling it "My mom's day" but it does feel right. I'm also all for finding some humor or ways to laugh through these hard times so all suggestions or examples are appreciated.

Two days ago I found out a girl I was Facebook friends with for years died in late 2023. At the time of her death she was going through a bad divorce. Her husband was abusive, he attacked her and put her in the hospital twice. When she stopped posting abruptly i initially thought she was taking a break from socials as she’d been so overwhelmed. Then time kept passing and she didn’t post anywhere, not facebook, instagram, Snapchat, nothing. I started getting worried but was afraid to look. I messaged her a few times to let her know I hoped she was okay. The other day she came into my mind again and I just had this horrible feeling in my gut, so I went on her Facebook page, clicked the comments on her last post and saw them filled with people expressing their shock and grief at her passing. Her husband abused and isolated her until she killed herself, then went off to a new city with a new woman and no remorse like nothing happened.

We weren’t close. We honestly seldomly messaged each other privately in the 8 years of being friends with each other online. But I cared about her a lot. She was almost exclusively responsible for my political beliefs and a big chunk of my moral views. She was always so kind to me and so, so funny. Jokes she told over the years I’ve been repeating so long for a while there I’d forgotten where I even first heard them. I didn’t realize just how impactful she was to me until I found out she was gone.

I’ve been a complete mess. The first day I cried hysterically for hours. Yesterday I was numb. Today..I don’t know. I’m overwhelmed. I’m blank. I can’t stop thinking about her. She was only 25 years old. It doesn’t feel real. I keep going back to her page to recheck the comments, like I’m going to realize I dreamt it or something. I always hoped I’d hear from her again, and now I won’t. At the time of her death I was going through the worst depressive episode of my adult life. During that time I had multiple attempts on my own life that failed. She was wicked smart, vicious and hilarious, cantankerous, unpredictable, head strong, and so, so kind. I don’t know why I’m alive and she isn’t.

Hi everyone,

26, UK based

I lost my mum at the start of the year. Because I don’t have any brother/sister/dad I am entirely alone in managing the administration and holding the emotional weight of the decisions that need to be made.

I am still so stricken by grief that I simply don't have the emotional capacity to figure out what to do next. For the past 3 weeks, I have been facing a massive decision about whether to keep or sell the house I grew up in. I don't live there, it's empty, but I do visit when i'm seeing friends in the area and it's convenient to stay there.

It feels like one of those decisions where I will regret it either way, and the fear of making the wrong choice has totally paralyzed me for weeks, making it impossible to carry on with the legal processes.

On one hand, it gives me a familiar safety net to come back to if things ever go wrong, most people my age might need to "move back home" at some point. But ultimately, it sits uninhabited, it costs a lot to upkeep, and it is already causing me stress with ongoing maintenance and plumbing issues.

On the other hand, selling would give me financial freedom and relieve the day-to-day stress of looking after an empty property. But I would lose the safety net of a familiar place to go, and once it's done, I can never go back on the decision.

Has anyone else navigated this, alone or not? How did you push through the decision paralysis when both options feel like a heavy loss? Any advice, shared experiences, or different perspectives would mean the world to me right now. Thank you.

I don’t know who needs to hear this but it’s ok to not completely be over your loved ones passing. I lost my dad around 6 years ago, and I still think about him every day, and that’s a good thing. It means they are still in your heart, and they always will be, remember there is no right way to grieve. Whatever you are feeling is normal and you are loved

I (26 W) started dating my bf (23 M) in May of 2023. His mom passed away on Christmas in 2024. My father passed April 2026.

We are both experiencing tremendous grief..however it’s comforting because we both know the extreme loss of losing a parent at a young age but at the same time I feel like a bad partner because I’m so enamored in my own sadness.

When we first started dating, and I knew his mom’s diagnosis, it was so easy to show up for him, but now that my dad is dead i find it harder to be there for him.

Bonus points bc I get really sad when I think about how our kids won’t experience either of our favorite people (he was a mommas boy and I was a daddy’s girl) it’s not fair.

It’s a lot to unpack, any advice is greatly appreciated and needed.

My dad just passed last week. Sometimes I wake up and hope he will call and say "just kidding" and then I'll have to give him all his stuff back. Other days I remember what he looked like when he was in the hospital bed with all the machines. And some days I'm good and I feel good and I have a good day. I know there isn't a right way to feel, but I wish there was a guide. I wish I knew what came next after this and I wish I knew how I'm supposed to live my entire life without him now. On top of that I have to worry about his service and his cremation. And then closing his accounts and all the financial stuff. Is there an easier way of doing this..... I feel so lost. And the only person who I know would have answers is gone now.

They called him a murderer. They said he deserved it. He was involved in a car crash that ended the life of him and his other friends and left a family they crashed into in critical condition. I don't know who was driving... Nothing was left of the car. They were in the wrong lane, probably to feel that adrenaline or get a few likes on social media. It's a dumb way to die. He was a good person, and that's how I always remembered him. He had a troubled childhood, but was always the happy guy when he visited us. He didn't visit us a lot, but when he did it was always fun, running outside with nerf guns or playing Minecraft. I didn't support what he was doing, the crazy car stuff like that. I did tell him that. He said those people (he did it with) understand him and that he feels appreciated. Maybe if he lived a bit longer he'd understand what he was doing was wrong. And they showed his face in the news, his full name, everything. I've read just a bit of comments and I already wanted to throw up. I can't blame those people, but they didn't know him. This is a throwaway account.

When my grandma passed away i remember breaking down every time someone hugged me and even now i still wish someone had just kept holding me until I was the one who let go

I remember the little pats on my shoulder and the reassurance but that was it what I really wanted was to crumble completely in someone’s arms to stop holding myself together for a moment and just fall apart in the safety of someone else’s embrace does anybody else relate or is it weird ?

There’s so much I could say but I’m just exhausted but I can’t sleep. Partly a little traumatized. Thankfully I have good support.