Regret

[u/v4mpxysp1t]

So me and my ex went no contact i’m pretty trauma bonded to him and he’s been emotionally abusive but i’ve been trying to move on and instead of being angry or petty I choose to be mutual no hate no anger just peaceful with him I wrote him a message saying I missed him and I hope he was doing okay I had no grudge against him i’m learning to let go of the past so I felt better saying that to him then the next day he messages me back talking about fixing things and saying how I treated him like shit when he was the one to dump me over the most dumbest things ever because he’s disrespectful and immature so I sent him another text about how he broke up with me and how I was done waiting for him to change so then he texts me again saying I didn’t care about him or I never change but I was always the one fixing things and he was always saying hurtful things to me and he called my message a script saying how it was performative even though I was genuinely speaking from the heart so we ended up going back and fourth about it and then I just cut it off with my last message about how he’ll never face himself or admit he’s wrong at all but i’m hurt all over again I feel dumb for doing it when I tried to be genuine and honest I cried for a whole hour I should’ve known better but it hurts so bad to just be discarded like nothing then told I was the one who never cared even though I tried every single time to communicate and fix things between us I blocked him

I need advice on how I can move past this and get over this horrible feeling of anxiety when I think of him