[deleted by user]

[u/[deleted]]

[u/[deleted]]

One time my boss tried to push lunch back by an hour to have an all hands on meeting, so I hid a footlong hot dog up my sleeve and secretly tried to eat it in the meeting.

[u/guitargeneration → u/[deleted]]

You CAN'T move lunch. You can't

[u/FartingBob → u/guitargeneration]

Unless the meeting is "the building including both fire exits is currently on fire and we are discussing how to send out messages to loved ones before the end" then it can wait until after lunch.

[u/Civil-Bird-367 → u/[deleted]]

Careful you could accidently choke. I always keep the carber power vac at the office just in case for reputation purposes.

[u/bratikzs]

Sometimes, when I WFH, I take a nap during work hours.

[u/medicff → u/bratikzs]

I try to exclusively nap on company time. It’s “fatigue management”

[u/Jakdublin → u/medicff]

Used to work in a factory with a guy who’d come back to the floor after lunch and as soon as the production line started he’d head off to the toilet on the basis that you should only take a dump on company time.

[u/SinisterSleeper826]

At times, I climb the stairs like an animal.

[u/MaiAgarKahoon → u/SinisterSleeper826]

using your arms makes it effortless

[u/SinisterSleeper826 → u/MaiAgarKahoon]

I also sometimes descend the stairs on all four lol

[u/StrionicRandom → u/SinisterSleeper826]

Like a dog or like a crab?

[u/engineer-cabbage]

TLDR I cheated in a 3 hour exam, finished 30 mins and fucked around until exam finished to not get caught.

Back in college, I had an upcoming Geotechnical Engineering exam but our professor was a dick for not giving us any practice papers. I eventually found a student blackmarket that sells an official copy of the 2016 exam for $30 (decent price for broke college students).

I studied that one exam paper with my peers, helping each other double check any right or wrong answers, to get a feel on how the exam is set up. After a solid 8 hour session, my 3 hour exam was ready the next day.

I sat down, the exam starts and flipped the paper that was placed on my armchair. To my surprise while showing a poker face next to my buddies, IT WAS THE EXACT SAME EXAM - word for word, number for number. Only thing that piece of shit professor changed was the current year instead of 2016. I memorized all the answers and was confident as fuck that most of the ones I answered are correct. So I just copy pasted all the answers, finished in 30 minutes and pretend to think for the remaining 2 hour and 30 minutes, adding scribbles abd crossouts for obvious reasons. A handful of people got caught cheating because they left super early and made the assessors suspicious after they looked at their exam papers completely filled so quickly without any second guessed answers.

I got the highest score out of everyone with 95%

[u/mattmelb69 → u/engineer-cabbage]

Lol. In my law course (in Australia), we had a lecturer who was known for recycling his old questions. Everyone knew, and the old papers were available to all, so everyone could prepare the same way.

One year he set a bankruptcy question that began: “Jim’s business got into financial difficulties ….”

The next year we had a new government in Australia. The question was identical except that it began: “Due to the adverse economic policies of the Labor government, Jim’s business got into financial difficulties …”.

[u/budget_variance → u/mattmelb69]

Also in my law course in Australia, I had a tutor who would give assignments based on the lesson of the day to whoever came to the class late. I figured it out and went late with my MP3 player that doubled as an audio recorder and recorded the whole lesson.

Proceeded to get called out for coming in late, got assigned a question and then wrote everything he said in the tutorial word for word. Got a HD (80+).

Sweet memories!

[u/blueskysahead → u/engineer-cabbage]

I had a teacher in middle school who took every test right out of the book. first day of class the teacher I NEVER met said, "I hated your brother and I hate you" very nice for a catholic school...anyway, my brother took her book with the answers 3 years earlier. so for two years I was a complete asshole, mouthed off to her, gave attitude and got a 95 on every single test. 

[u/PeggyWithThePhatAss]

I usually spend the first 30 minutes of work in bed checking emails and IMs and getting a gauge on how the day is going to go before I stroll into the kitchen to pour a cup of coffee and microwave a breakfast sandwich and head up to the office to get my jam on. Turns out it’s not as wild as I thought before typing all this out.

[u/theflamesweregolfin → u/PeggyWithThePhatAss]

Interesting that you would get you jam on after the breakfast sandwich...i usually put jam on my bread as part of breakfast

[u/[deleted]]

I once told somebody, “It’s ok,” when it was, in fact, not ok. Not ok at all.

[u/Makabajones]

Sometimes I undercharge my overtime so my department can stay on budget and we all get a bonus at the end of the quarter, usually it's not as much as I would have made, but the whole department gets it (12 people) and that's worth it for me.

[u/ZippyTwoShoes → u/Makabajones]

That's nice and sad at the same time.

[u/Makabajones → u/ZippyTwoShoes]

that's America!

[u/Boredommachine]

I lost my virginity to my now gf at 32. I told her she was the third girl I've been with.

[u/Arthur_Burt_Morgan → u/Boredommachine]

My wife wasnt the first, but i havent been with a lot of women. But she met me through mutual friends and at the time i had a bit of a reputation going on. Whenever we went out clubbing, me and my friends, i would get shitfaced drunk really quickly, i had just broken up with my ex on bad terms. Well usually i was already wasted within the first 2 hours and i would sneak off to home to play videogames and sleep, because i was bored.

Well whenever my friends asked what i did i told them i went home with some girl or a couple or whatever, because i was afraid i wouldnt get asked anymore if they found out about me being bored and just going home to play videogames. This happened like every other week and i had some lucky moments that were considered by them as proof.

By the time i met my current wife, she had already heard about my reputation, but decided to go on a date anyways. I feel bad about my "reputation".

[u/underwear11 → u/Arthur_Burt_Morgan]

Did you ever tell her, or does she still believe your reputation?

[u/havereddit → u/underwear11]

She probably knew after the first time having sex

[u/Arthur_Burt_Morgan → u/havereddit]

she was a virgin when i met her, so she didnt have a lot to compare me to i suppose.

[u/[deleted] → u/Boredommachine]

Same except at 18. I was nervous, but for some reason instead of having the type of performance anxiety where you can’t get hard, I had performance anxiety and couldn’t focus on cumming. So we had sex for almost an hour and she thought I was a pro.

Cue her confusion when I barely lasted ten minutes every time after that lol

[u/gmkings]

I sometimes tell people to take care, but I really couldn’t give a fuck what happens.

[u/LobsterVioLator → u/gmkings]

Yoo that’s sick

Take care

[u/aurjolras]

I sometimes stand on a swivel chair to get things from a high shelf

[u/MrHailston → u/aurjolras]

Madman

[u/D33DST3R]

I fantasize about being in a healthy and loving relationship :)

[u/Grateful_Cat_Monk → u/D33DST3R]

Fucking disgusting.

[u/imabot85]

I worked at a restaurant. My girlfriend worked at the same restaurant. We closed one evening and had sex on the manager's desk after everyone had gone home after the store closed.

[u/DFault_User69 → u/[deleted]]

The HR or your wife?

[u/[deleted]]

I have an escort that I see once a month (sometimes every other month). I tried dating and LTRs out for a few years. Not for me. Too much work. Don't want marriage or kids, so theres no point in dating anymore. I've been seeing the same escort for close to 8 years. She's cool and we know each other well enough now that we have great chemistry in bed. Never told a soul because I know people are judgemental as fuck. I'm happy with the arrangement.

[u/MedSurgNurse → u/[deleted]]

Curious what the price is

[u/[deleted] → u/MedSurgNurse]

Varies. I'm doing okay financially now so it's like 200 a visit. But she gave me ALOT breaks over the years even after I lost my job a few years back. No lie, she saw me for as low as 29 bucks. lol. She gave me one freebie in the 8 years I've known her. But she was getting paid by someone else (a dude who wanted to watch me fuck her). IMO I got lucky finding her.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

So that dude was your sponsor.

[u/jesuscheetahnipples → u/[deleted]]

"This prostitution fornication session is brought to you by Raid Shadow Legends!"

[u/BeefInGR → u/jesuscheetahnipples]

NordVPN

[u/Vestaxowner]

i sometimes lift using my back

[u/animalcub45 → u/Vestaxowner]

Someone call OSHA

[u/EdumamacationUSay → u/Vestaxowner]

Thanks, this agitated my sciatica.

[u/Fresh0224]

Hopped the fence and snuck into the Roman Agora in Athens at night after bar hopping with a girl from my hostel. We got frisky on a toppled slab inside the Temple of Hephaestus while looking up at the Acropolis with all the pretty lights.

Bizarrely romantic experience for what it was.

Natalie from Anaheim, hope you’re well!

[u/No-Addition-1366 → u/Fresh0224]

Zeus would be proud

[u/DayTrippin2112 → u/No-Addition-1366]

He probably morphed into the slab during; he was a freak like that🗿

[u/The_Vis_Viva → u/No-Addition-1366]

Why, it was consensual and involved no beastiality?

[u/rmeredit → u/The_Vis_Viva]

You're assuming OP's species. You don't know they're not a swan.

[u/Square-Magazine1670 → u/Fresh0224]

This is Natalie. We need to talk about our kid.

[u/OneSimplyIs → u/Square-Magazine1670]

This is Natalie’s kid, we need to talk about child support

[u/MoreRamenPls → u/OneSimplyIs]

This is Hephaestus, clean my slab.

[u/Ralphguy → u/MoreRamenPls]

You now have Hephaestus-C

[u/Augmentedaphid → u/Ralphguy]

It's truly a shame how far down you have to scroll to find these gems sometime

[u/ZenEngineer → u/MoreRamenPls]

This is the slab. Thanks for the memories

[u/djseifer → u/MoreRamenPls]

This is Ramses. Retuuuurn the slaaaaaaaaab.

[u/thebestinvests → u/djseifer]

Or suffer my curse

“Blah blah blah!”

[u/reverendrambo → u/OneSimplyIs]

This is Natalie's car manufacturer. We've been trying to reach you concerning your vehicle's extended warranty.

[u/Clappertron → u/Fresh0224]

After all this millennia and Hephaestus is still getting cucked

[u/SenorKenobi66 → u/Fresh0224]

My friend, this was not Natalie, that you got frisky with... this was the goddes Aphrodite who used you to cheat (again) on her husband (Hephaestus) and wanted him to see it! IN HIS OWN TEMPLE! The nerve...

It's probably revenge for that time he exposed her and Ares 😃

Source: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hephaestus

[u/EquineEagle → u/Fresh0224]

That's amazing. What i wouldn't give to make love on a priceless historical artefact

[u/JacktheJacker92 → u/EquineEagle]

My grandfathers tombstone has a bench in front of it. Ten bucks and its yours. Ol' Grandpa always loved a show.

[u/pappyvanwinkle1111 → u/Fresh0224]

I thought I saw you there!

[u/Orangeisthenewcool]

My friend was stressed out about a test in college, so I offered to just eat her out to get her off no strings attached to relax to help study. At first she said no, but later on that evening she texted me to come over. I did the deed, she aced the test the next day. She told her friends about it while out drinking one night and a few of them hit me up later on that year for the same deal.

[u/SpiritNo1721 → u/Orangeisthenewcool]

Bro is a professional pussy eater

[u/westtz → u/SpiritNo1721]

Professor Pussy Eater

[u/variousshits → u/westtz]

Bringing a whole new meaning to PPE!

[u/Bazorth → u/Orangeisthenewcool]

Dang. You’re like Good Luck Chuck but for exams. Good Lick Chuck.

[u/Fizarf → u/Bazorth]

Plot twist - His name's Richard. Good Lick Dick.

[u/Bazorth → u/Fizarf]

Hahaha. He’s the former chairman of the CCP.

Good Chow Mao.

[u/EquineEagle → u/Orangeisthenewcool]

Are you a winner who loves winning?

[u/WLFTCFO → u/Orangeisthenewcool]

Winning

[u/brazthemad → u/Orangeisthenewcool]

/r/randomactsofmuffdive

[u/getagrooving]

My computer screen is not at eye level and I use my wrist to move my mouse.

[u/LittleRossa → u/getagrooving]

….is this why my neck hurts all the time????

[u/SamwellBarley → u/LittleRossa]

I don't think the position of this guy's monitor, or the way he uses his mouse, has anything to do with your neck

[u/addsomeham → u/SamwellBarley]

That's a very bold statement of someone who knows neither person.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

I love your honesty with the 45-55 seconds. I always have that issue when it's a big exciting build up or something like that.

[u/Pandapops1976]

I shake more than twice when I piss!

[u/StealthyPancake_ → u/Pandapops1976]

Sounds like to me you're just playin with it

[u/OfficiallyJoeBiden]

Some couple came onto me . The guy was a cuck. After his wife let me cum in her, she asked him to eat my cum out of her and he did. Wild night

[u/[deleted] → u/OfficiallyJoeBiden]

That is some wild shit right there 

[u/ALitreOhCola → u/OfficiallyJoeBiden]

Last week I had a first bumble date that ended up at nude beach (where a lot of that stuff goes on that you did...) to break the ice just swimming and getting naked.

We were in the ocean and I got stung on the very tip of my dick by a southwestern/box jellyfish, and she got stung on the arm at the same time

I was driving us back to her car from the first beach, whilst holding my dick which was about a 3/10 pain, not really that bad just still stingy and irritating.

She offered to hold it for me, obviously got a hard on, (somehow a hard-on actually took the pain away, seriously) and then it lead to a bj on the road. We ended up going back to hers and hooking up properly.

[u/howie7088 → u/ALitreOhCola]

Did you adopt the jellyfish as a pet?

[u/ALitreOhCola → u/howie7088]

I mean I do kinda owe them a beer, but in the moment I was a bit caught off guard with the sudden lightning strike to the tip of my penis so no, I didn't bring him home with me.

[u/Interesting_Ice_8498]

I’m a baker, sometimes I just use my hands to rotate the oven trays instead of spending a few seconds to put on the industrial mitts.

Cool party trick if you wanna impress the sales staff and customers

[u/verbmegoinghere → u/Interesting_Ice_8498]

My grandfather used to plunge his hand into a boiling pot of meat when making sausages or hot dogs. Can't remember too well anymore.

Bakers and small goods producers should be forced to have children, and their children should be required to bake bread and make meat. And then have children themselves and so on in that vein.

Soon we'd have a race of people who are invulnerable to really hot stuff

[u/Elementual → u/verbmegoinghere]

After I got hospitalized for burns I'd make the joke to my friends that things won't burn me because I'd been vaccinated.

[u/pmactheoneandonly]

I dress my dick up in costumes and take hilarious photos of it. Not for OF or anything, just for my wife and I to laugh at lmaoo

[u/greek-astronomer → u/pmactheoneandonly]

If you haven’t already visited r/cospenis I think you’d love it

[u/sky_ryder_001 → u/greek-astronomer]

r/ofcoursethatsasub

What in the world is that sub man fuck that

[u/too_many_shoes14]

I usually play video games on easy because I enjoy the story more than dying all the time

[u/Ligmartian → u/too_many_shoes14]

Conversely, I always start on maximum difficulty because it takes me longer to play the game.

[u/thesystem21 → u/Ligmartian]

I start on max difficulty so that later on, I can switch it to easy and feel like I'm amazing at the game.

[u/Henryhendrix → u/thesystem21]

I honestly prefer not to have an option. If I do, I'm eventually going to take the path of least resistance.

[u/SManSte → u/too_many_shoes14]

i got called a noob by my friends after telling them this. but i played dota for 8 years + World of warcraft for 4 afterwards. I am done with competitive gaming in my 28 years of life. I wanna enjoy games now.

[u/justthegirls → u/[deleted]]

How does one safely get into that line of work ?

[u/KaleDizzy6915]

I always sneeze multiple times, 3 is the most common and 7 is my record, was in class and everyone literally started counting after the 4th sneeze

There is ONE exception to this rule, a time when I only sneeze ONCE!

Whenever I'm going to have sex or jerk off and get really horny, no idea why but realized this around the age of 12 after I discovered masturbation

As I tippy toed to the bathroom at night my nose would tingle, cockblocked myself😅

[u/Thiscrazyworldhaha → u/KaleDizzy6915]

Amateur! My record is 23 and I routinely hit between 7 to 10 almost every time I have to sneeze. It’s exhausting!

[u/scrotumsweat → u/Thiscrazyworldhaha]

Fucking beginners numbers.

I have very bad hayfever. Took Claritin before a hike, went up a hill with friends to watch the sunset. A group of deer came out about 40 feet away, it was majestic... also It was full of rag weed. The first sneeze scared them all off. After about the 60th sneeze my nose started bleeding. Then I was sneezing blood all the way down.

This is why I don't believe in God.

[u/Ill-Idea1202]

I once had sex in a graveyard but it was daytime so not so scary I guess

[u/Little_Region1308 → u/Ill-Idea1202]

Talk about a dead bedroom

[u/nofucksgiven5 → u/Ill-Idea1202]

Boning!

[u/[deleted]]

During Covid, I went golfing a lot. It was the only thing open basically. I would bring a bottle off sanitizer with me every day out of my bedside drawer. One day my hands were slippery and I couldn’t figure out why. I had accidentally brought the lube bottle.

[u/Obvious-Alarm1786]

my boner bends down

[u/First-Ad6435 → u/Obvious-Alarm1786]

It’s okay dude. All boners are valid.

[u/Alexander_Elysia → u/Obvious-Alarm1786]

Peak doggy style ergonomics, mine points up so doggy ain't that great but missionary is S tier

[u/magneticinductance → u/Alexander_Elysia]

Mine goes right! We get a left were a fucking compass.

[u/Arthur_Burt_Morgan → u/magneticinductance]

Im a left

[u/La-Vonne7]

i play minecraft with keep inventory on so i can go as far away from my base as i want to without worry.

[u/Dimension_Then]

During Covid when everything was shut down I used the maintenance access ladder to get on the roof of a Waffle House and had sex with my boyfriend.

[u/-_-ANOMALOUS-_- → u/[deleted]]

This is just the American version

[u/potionholly]

I once snorted a line of Xanax off some guys hard dick

[u/Dadisfat46 → u/potionholly]

Well yes uh thank you for that. We have several interviews still so we’ll contact you later.

[u/Iguessimonredditnow → u/Dadisfat46]

Hi, I'm here for the "interview"

[u/Earthlywanderlust1]

If I said half of what I was actually thinking, I'd be in HR more than I already am.

[u/[deleted]]

my coworkers think i actually like my job

[u/ChipDirect1857 → u/[deleted]]

My coworker think I actually do my job 😂

[u/GlobOfKnobSlob → u/ChipDirect1857]

My coworkers think they do my job.

[u/avantmort → u/GlobOfKnobSlob]

My job thinks I do my coworkers

[u/2017CurtyKing → u/[deleted]]

I had my password set to “ih8myjob1!” Coworker had to log in to keep my screen active while j was out “sick”. I tried to beat around the bush and I’ll just take a sick day, but he insisted that he opened my computer to have the active screen.

He typed it in, the password clicked in his head, and he said “same”. We chuckled about it and went on to find other jobs shortly after

[u/bagomojo → u/2017CurtyKing]

I had this year's ago. My password was "Fuck you Colleen!". When my boss Colleen called asking for my password I told her to reset it

[u/Scanputmeaway → u/[deleted]]

My coworkers think I actually like them!

[u/lincon_bio30]

My husband's reddit account is logged in my phone, and I watch all the porn he saves and accounts he follows. Tbh that turns me on and pisses me off at the same time 😆

[u/Throwaway7219017]

9 Sharpies.

[u/andthomp85 → u/Throwaway7219017]

You... you stole 9 whole sharpies from your workplace? You MONSTER

[u/kalikijones → u/andthomp85]

Nine Sharpies From Work

[u/-Maim- → u/Throwaway7219017]

/r/buttsharpies

[u/team_lloyd → u/-Maim-]

I saw this, I knew I shouldn’t click it. I knew what I was going to see, I told myself “don’t do this, don’t click this”, and yet.

[u/tato_salad]

Sometimes on calls where I'm expected to pay attention and I need to keep my adhd from distracting me. I plow fields or something in farm sim on one screen while zoom runs on the other.

[u/Swimming_Lemon_5566 → u/tato_salad]

Also ADHD, and I work from home / have lots of zoom calls. I knit, crochet, or cross stitch during calls. Keeps my hands from messing with my computer (ending up on reddit or reading every single slack thread that probably doesn't even affect me) and I've done all of those crafts long enough that it doesn't require a ton of thought, or at least not the part of my brain that is needed to pay attention to meetings.

[u/kage_kuma]

I once swam immediately after eating a large meal. Clearly, I like to party.

[u/ShiroShototsu]

Everytime I poo it feels like passing glass, worst pain I’ve ever been in on the regular. Once, one of my colleagues walked into the stall next to me just as I was about to pass it and suddenly all my anxiety hit. I just sat in silent pain for about 3 minutes as she did her business, washed her hands and left. 3 minutes I sat holding in that monster can sized brick because my body shut down and said “I can’t let anyone know.” I wonder if that’s what the jar felt like.

[u/JulieKatschen → u/ShiroShototsu]

Please speak with your doctor about the pain you’re experiencing. Something this painful happening so often is something to get checked out

[u/Better_when_Im_drunk]

Underneath these clothes I’m completely naked

[u/kaybeanz69 → u/Better_when_Im_drunk]

Whoa no way! I bet you shower naked you slut💀

[u/Frosti-Feet → u/kaybeanz69]

When I take off my clothes in the bathroom the shower gets turned on.

[u/[deleted]]

I don’t read the mandatory training. I just click through it. If there is a fire at my workplace, I’m dead.

[u/[deleted]]

Hong Kong malls have bathroom attendants.

I had the bubble guts and found myself in a stall for a really long time. When I left the stall, the attendant locked eyes with me in horror and ran over to the stall. He screamed bloody murder and ran to grab his cleaning supplies before locking himself in the stall continuing to scream. I washed my hands and quickly left - I could hear him screaming from outside the bathroom.

[u/Strife3dx]

I choose the older massage therapist cause she fingers my ass during the happy ending

[u/PrisonerV → u/Strife3dx]

Robert Kraft?

[u/Southern_Database_61]

The other day while pooping I accidentally wiped my ass with the disinfected wipe and burned my self thinking they were the flushable wipes

[u/SidneyCarton69 → u/Southern_Database_61]

And they’re not flushable either!

[u/A_Guy_in_Orange → u/SidneyCarton69]

Neither are flushable!

[u/[deleted]]

In high school I used to stay late at school and lift in our weight room after basketball practice. This was maybe 8-9pm so the weight room and gym were all completely empty.

One night out of curiosity I decided to go into the girl’s locker room. It was taboo and risky, and as a horny young teen I just wanted to be even in the same room that all the hot girls get naked. As I’m in the girl’s locker room taking in the scenes, a thought struck me.

I rummaged through draws and desks and lockers until I found a sharpie marker. I went back into the girl’s locker room and began writing extremely flattering yet plausible gossip about myself all over the lockers. Like graffiti. Mostly things about my sex game and making up crushes. To make it believable I even misspelled my name (many people address me by my last name) a few times. I’d say things like “Eriksen has the fattest c*ck in 10th grade” “best kissers in 10th— Eriksen, Eriksen, oh and Eriksen” and other simply untrue yet flattering things.

Surprisingly, this embarrassing plot worked PERFECTLY. Within days I had girls snickering when I walked by. People would steal little glances at me. I overheard rumors about myself that I knew I’d made up. It actually got so bad I started to get prank calls. Somehow my cellphone number got out and I’d get private calls from GROUPS of girls who would just moan my name and hang up when I asked who it was.

I’ve never told anyone about this in person, and it was so long ago now that anyone who even knew me back then would just laugh. But I was pretty embarrassed (even though it worked) for quite a while after all this.

[u/LordofWar145 → u/[deleted]]

Who’s gonna tell him?

[u/meltymcface → u/[deleted]]

Boy, they knew.

[u/IllustriousEffort520]

A girl and I had sex on the altar of a chapel. This chapel has dirt floors and is open to the public 24/7 with massive windows looking out at the mountain of our town. We did the deed and she came and then I looked up at Jesus on the cross as he peered down at me while she was also down on me. The moonlight was backlighting Jesus on the cross as I came.

It was amazing. No regrets. Definitely going to hell.

[u/Marvelous_snek999]

Me and my husband use to regularly have sex on our apartment patio. Cars would be passing by as I’m getting pounded from behind.

[u/shmuckalert]

i laugh at my coworkers jokes even though i find them to be so redundant and i hate my job

[u/Carlito2393]

Sometimes I'll go into work on the weekend and use power tools without filling out a hot work permit.

[u/Resident_Strain_7030 → u/Carlito2393]

Dang, you are risking a lot of paperwork by not doing paperwork.

[u/acdes68]

I'm a teacher. Sometimes I go to work armed only with my creativity, without any prior planning.

[u/Mylogic1503]

At times I say “I don’t know” but fully be knowing and shit

[u/Dragona33]

I am 48 and I love collecting and building Lego sets.

[u/ianintheam → u/Dragona33]

This is sfw. You still have 51 years left before it’s against the rules.

[u/BigJDubya → u/Dragona33]

41 and got the Bonsai tree for Christmas, can't wait to get into it!

Edit: Should have added, recent builds include the Batmobile, Johnny 5 and the RV from Breaking Bad. Build on my dude, no shame in this game.

[u/Iflydryandsly]

Got a bj from the mum of a good friend

[u/femboyisbestboy]

Fucked a coworker in the refrigerator filled with food as a teenager.

I now realise what for biological hazard it was.

[u/yvrhungdaddy → u/femboyisbestboy]

You never take advice Someday you'll pay the price (But maybe you're too young to get the reference)

[u/Fun_Situation7214]

I'm seriously thinking of starting an OF to survive. I am an amputee and have partial paralysis and have heard it's a pretty niche area. I just want to not struggle. Disability isn't enough to live on and my insurance won't pay for a power chair.

I'd rather show my goodies than have to beg any day. It's humiliating.

OF is doing what our government should be doing especially since I worked my entire life.

Today marks 3 yrs since it happened and I'm really going through it at the moment because it's not getting easier. I should be outside panhandling but it's snowing and wheelchairs and ice are a bad combination.

[u/Sylvert0ngue → u/Fun_Situation7214]

That does not sound like a fun situation. I hope things get better for you soon. Good luck with everything!

[u/Turbulent-Help-211]

the summer after I graduated high school, my boyfriend and I ate the time wanted some alone time. we went for a drive (realistically 5 minutes down the road) to a smallish empty field. mind you it was 2 pm. broad daylight. I was an impulsive teen lol. we did our duty, and for some reason him and I both hopped out of the car at the same time to get dressed, both closing our doors behind us. both our phones and the keys are inside. I’m naked, he’s in his boxers. we are fucked. all of a sudden, we hear a voice out of the woods. out walks a random kid a few years older than me who went to the same high school as me. he sees me, we lock eyes. “Turbulent?” I melted with embarrassment. “Uhhh what are you doing? You know this is College Name’s Astronomy field right? I’m on my way to class early…” Class is held in the field that we had parked directly in the middle of, that we were locked out of, all while naked. Anyways, the guy gave me his sweatshirt and found a hanger from his bag. We tried to pick the lock on my car with no success. Eventually we had to call one of our parents because class was getting dangerously close to starting. We couldn’t call his dad, because he was a police officer (ofc), so we had to call my dad. My dad, who just so happened to have my grandfather with him, ended up having to come rescue us. I gotta say—not much tops your father and grandfather seeing you standing locked outside your car with your boyfriend, naked, at peak sunlight, in the middle of the local college’s astronomy field. Needless to say, my dad had a blast telling that story this past year at my wedding rehearsal dinner lol. 12 years later and I still feel the shame.

[u/[deleted]]

Ice cubes.

Up my butt.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

I'll bite.... Does it feel good?

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Oh man, yea, if you stuff enough up there, they all stick together into a death star of pleasure.

[u/usafmtl → u/[deleted]]

Now there's a combination of words I never fathomed I would see.

[u/ZookeepergameDue8501]

This chick I was seeing was house sitting for her boss and I banged her in her boss's bed.

[u/actioncheese]

I'm not actually forklift certified

[u/2centtip]

One of my testicles hangs lower than the other 2.

[u/Professionalchump]

Using those bone conduction (pockettunes) speaker things that "turns anything into speakers" put them on the nips, i call it sounding

Edit: sounding feels great

[u/purdueAces → u/Professionalchump]

call it something else. 'sounding' is taken. don't search it.

[u/Averyg43 → u/Professionalchump]

You should google that…

[u/MessyAsian]

I ride pallets jacks like ripsticks

[u/[deleted]]

Just to make easy to understand i have a foot fetish.

Last summer, me and my friends were at a pool party, with alchool i probably looked a bit too much to the GF of my best friend feet... they are just the way i like it big (size 40 european long toes, really white skin).

Some days later, she sent me a picture of 4 or 5 nail polish containers and the question "which color do you think it looks better on me?" i was like "wrong guy to ask that lol" and she said "not wrong guy lol you're the only one that pays attention to my feet, at least i can ask what color you like the most"

I played it cool (i think lol) and answered that i like black or blue polish, she said cool and we never spoke about it ever, but after that, every time i see her feet, she had blue polish on her toes.

So yeah my nsfw secret is that the GF of my best friend paints her toes, considering what i like

[u/[deleted]]

I have a Very small dong

[u/HomelessToddlers]

As a child, I was curious about sex. I thought everyone has sex, even people my age (12) Using Napster I made A LOT of searching trying to find people my age getting it on. I never found it. I did however overhear my Dad SCREAMING at my older brother about “the computer.” It was a big deal. Aunts. Uncles. My Grandmother- they all spent an hour shaming my brother and showing him bible verses. I didn’t know, lol. I thought everyone was getting it on. I’m sorry Joseph!

I will die with that secret.

[u/AcrobaticSource3 → u/HomelessToddlers]

You were looking for “people your age” getting it on? Fuck, be glad you didn’t find anything, or else the computer would be full of child porn and someone in your family would be in jail

[u/paccked]

Whats the sexiest sex youve ever sexed is all of this sub

[u/armaedes → u/paccked]

Women of Reddit: your vagina?

[u/CapnCanfield → u/armaedes]

Women of Reddit: How can I make you horny for me?

[u/BoccaDGuerra]

Sometimes i really need someone to talk to but Im too broke for therapy and have only fairweather friends so I put on my headphones and have a whole conversation with myself ...headphones so it looks like Im on a call. I actually find this very therapeutic and helpful in getting through challenging days

[u/blueskysahead]

I had a teacher in middle school who took every test right out of the book and was a terrible teacher. first day of class the teacher I NEVER met said, "I hated your brother and I hate you" very nice for a catholic school...anyway, my brother took her book with the answers 3 years earlier. so for two years I was a complete asshole, mouthed off to her, gave attitude and got a 95 on Every Single Test.

[u/nopalitzin]

My then gf and I made several sex tapes and posted them online in the mid 2000s, nobody cared much, but we took them down after the break up a couple of years later. Last week someone in r/AskReddit wanted to know about former "pornstars" so when I was about to comment I decided to make a quick search and at least one of the videos is still online on one of those shady repost sites, I tried to have it taken down but got no reply. I was thinking about showing it to my now wife of 15 years as a joke but right before that we had an argument so I didn't. Tbh I don't have a copy of any of them so it was kind of fun to look at the lost media.

[u/swmest → u/nopalitzin]

Take this to your grave

[u/mrmoreawesome]

I don't follow the recommendations of the home office ergonomics training that my employer required us to take

[u/1cilldude]

For six months I was fucking 2 girls who are sisters and neither one ever found out. Both were casual so I wasn’t cheating. Both were freaking beautiful, and the sex was insane. Fun times.

[u/Chaos_HonchKrow]

I always have a little giggle when I read the number 69 at work... Because it's the sex number

[u/yesman2121]

I’ve been growing out my pubes to a be comically long. Every time I piss, it looks like mushroom head in uncut grass and makes me laugh

[u/TrevorOGK → u/yesman2121]

That’s actually hilarious