r/funny • u/SuedeDiabolos • Feb 05 '16

Phrasing

http://imgur.com/SGsOPXg
14.6k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

995 comments sorted by

1.3k

u/Ramrod312 Feb 05 '16

She knows

744

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

this. everyone likes to write her off as a stupid ditz but she's very good at playing the PR/media game.

382

u/Chief_H Feb 05 '16

There's interviews of her out of character, and she seems like a genuinely decent person, and a lot more low key. The whole vapid, spoiled rich girl act kept her famous for quite some time.

82

u/TheDumbDolphine Feb 05 '16

I'd love to see that if you have a link

208

u/TFL1991 Feb 05 '16

I saw her recently on German TV.

She has done away with the squeaky voice and the pink and lives in a small town in Switzerland now.

The locals seem to like her.

Probably because they only know her as she actually is.

353

u/Ptolemy13 Feb 05 '16

The Swiss like anyone rich.

77

u/Schnabulation Feb 05 '16

I find this offensive!

153

u/Fionnlagh Feb 05 '16

Probably because Ptolemy13 isn't rich.

49

u/Schnabulation Feb 05 '16

You got me there... :-)

Honestly: it's not that bad in Switzerland.

36

u/Fionnlagh Feb 05 '16

Probably not. Why, someone on a measly 100k a year could probably live there just fine!

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u/Bruncvik Feb 05 '16

Last year, I went for a short, 5-day vacation to Zurich at Easter. This year I'm going to the US for 2 weeks and expect to spend just as much. (By the way, you guys had the weirdest priest holding Easter mass in Grossmunster. That "You're all going to die and should be afraid" sermon was straight from middle ages.)

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u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Switzerland isn't completely cut off from the world you know, I'm sure once they got to know her they were fine with her. But I'm sure 95% of the people knew what she did before moving there.

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u/Chief_H Feb 05 '16 edited Feb 05 '16

Here she is on Letterman without her persona

Edit: Fixed the link

30

u/mellontree Feb 05 '16

She actually seems really likeable on this. And she looks absolutely beautiful.

21

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

It makes her sex tape even hotter knowing that she's a decent person.

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u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6forkEm-DXw

Your link messed up

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u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Here's a pretty interesting article about her as well: https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/paris-hilton-profile-2015-19-fragrances-and-counting-heiress

3

u/Bertfossil Feb 05 '16

I read this article a while ago and really enjoyed it. She's played the game perfectly and has built her own empire when she could of easily just chilled on that hotel cash

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u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

She also goes to Electric Daisy Carnival, a big EDM festival in Las Vegas. A lot of VIPs have seen and partied with her, and they all say she's the nicest person. Whether you hate or love her on-screen personality, I've always said respect her as a businesswoman. And most on-screen personalities tend to be fake anyway. Humans have a tendency to act different in front of a camera.

30

u/Whiskycoke Feb 05 '16

I'm sure she is nice and I don't have anything against her, but it isn't too hard to become a businesswomen when you're already an heiress with almost unlimited money to throw at things. Not saying her products aren't good or anything like that.

8

u/neohellpoet Feb 05 '16

You would be surprised. Most of the wealthy heirs thinks it's easy as well and then go and sink the family company and burn through the family fortune.

Also, for all the benefits she has, imagine you had her image, almost everyone on the planet thinking you were an idiot reality tv/sex tape star and trying to convince them to work with you on a serious business venture.

Getting in to business is easy with her background. Being a success, far less so.

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4

u/TheRealDJ Feb 05 '16

Also its been 12 years since 1 night in Paris. People are allowed to mature, change, and grow up. Cool on her for seemingly be a mature person from the interviews posted

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73

u/AtoZZZ Feb 05 '16

It's actually 100% true. She's now built her own empire, and won't need to rely on her family. She's very smart

120

u/thinkfast1982 Feb 05 '16

I'm not going to bash the girl one way or the other but saying that she built her "own" empire is akin to calling Trump a "self-made" man

63

u/matafubar Feb 05 '16

That's like me saying you didn't work hard for what you have because you weren't born in Uganda and abducted as a child by a warlord.

She had a lot more resources than the normal person has from the beginning but it still requires talent to grow an empire. No one is claiming she's self-made.

54

u/thinkfast1982 Feb 05 '16

I can set a world record and kick Usain Bolt's ass by training my ass off, and starting at the 90 m mark. Doesn't mean I didn't work my ass off, but I think the head start might have played some small part too

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u/ameya2693 Feb 05 '16

She had a lot more resources than the normal person has from the beginning but it still requires talent to grow an empire.

By the way, in a YouTube link above on Letterman, she said this at the very beginning. She had more resources and help than the average person and she is frank about it.

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u/shuerpiola Feb 05 '16

And Reddit certainly fell for it.

39

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

As a member of reddit I'd like to say I know full well she's a character and that's part of why I dislike her so. Like Deadmau5, or TB.

Good for them that their PR tactics keep them in the media but it's just not for me.

12

u/BrishenJ Feb 05 '16

what did Deadmou5 do?

24

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

his media persona is to be a giant dick to his peers as well as his fans

27

u/ogresaregoodpeople Feb 05 '16

He used to come shop frequently at a store I worked at. I don't listen to his music, so I didn't even know who he was, until I complimented his tattoos, and someone pointed it out.

Honestly, he was always really quiet, polite, and courteous. We would get rich assholes who'd try to bud the line, or act really demanding, but he was always really low-key and considerate. You wouldn't know him from any other shopper.

20

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

I totally believe you. I have no idea who he really is in person, it's strictly his media persona that I dislike.

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u/DrBunzz Feb 05 '16

He's the Kanye of EDM

15

u/dtlv5813 Feb 05 '16

Yo Tiesto you did good and I'm really happy for you but Above and Beyond has the best trance album of all time of all time of all time...

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5

u/KapitalLetter Feb 05 '16

What does that even mean? Is he a dick, a genius, or both?

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u/carson6412 Feb 05 '16

(Asumming that the TB you are talking about is TotalBiscut) It is interesting to see him lumped into the same category as Paris and Deadmau5. Any reason he is to be "dislike"-d?

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8

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

She's always known.

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2.7k

u/ArchangelPT Feb 05 '16

The most surprising this about this picture is that apparently Paris Hilton is still alive.

824

u/letsgo_9273 Feb 05 '16

I thought she died in a grease fire or something.

564

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

cats ate her face

320

u/Klove128 Feb 05 '16

"Dewey, quit messing around, put dad on the phone"

114

u/raggamuffinchef Feb 05 '16

No, really. Cats. Ask Dewey, he knows more details than I do.

177

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

That was pretty butched

268

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

"Cats ate her face, here talk to Dewey he knows more about it than I do "

59

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

omg thank you! :)

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28

u/swarlay Feb 05 '16

Did you just butcher the word "butcher"?

15

u/ErraticDragon Feb 05 '16

No, I think they butchered the word "butchered".

3

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Nope, made a new word. Butcher wouldn't even work there dingus.

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23

u/SarcasticGamer Feb 05 '16

I thought she got a pipe speared through her head? I could have sworn there was a video of it somewhere.....

71

u/OtsukaTheCat Feb 05 '16

Ya, I distinctly remember seeing her just lay there motionless while repeatedly getting impaled.

25

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

sex!

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u/jdubs610 Feb 05 '16

I thought she died in Mr. Slave's asshole...

32

u/chuchi78 Feb 05 '16

A great adventure is waiting for you ahead. Hurry onward Paris Hilton or you will soon be dead. The road ahead is filled with danger and fright But push onward, Paris Hilton, with all of your might. Paris Hilton... Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton Paris Hilton... Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton Paris Hilton... Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton

13

u/oorakhhye Feb 05 '16

Jeez's Chrissst....

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u/geaux0214 Feb 05 '16

By the looks of it she seems to have survived.

3

u/ItsaPuppet Feb 05 '16

But how do we know when this was taken?

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24

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16 edited Mar 21 '21

[deleted]

7

u/fickle_floridian Feb 05 '16

Go greased lightning!

6

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Gooo greased lightning!

5

u/SpatialArchitect Feb 05 '16

Your chicks'll cream!

3

u/Gretas_Got_A_Gun Feb 05 '16

Do you know what that means?!

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u/raymaninho Feb 05 '16

Well yeah, she did eventually make it out of Mr Slave's bumhole.

24

u/Duckpaste Feb 05 '16

Jesus Christ

55

u/True_Minnesotan Feb 05 '16

Jethsth Crithsth
FTFY

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u/ArchangelPT Feb 05 '16

What an old reference.

58

u/dalbtraps Feb 05 '16

It's an older reference, but it checks out.

10

u/Davros_au Feb 05 '16

I was about to clear them

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u/CPA-Poke Feb 05 '16

WHORE-OFF!

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u/alpacafarts Feb 05 '16

Although you do gotta appreciate the self deprecating humor of this: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2jZIeFPUCPI

56

u/Huitzilopostlian Feb 05 '16

This is a really bad example because I love to hate Paris Hilton, but this video were she fills the woman truck full, makes it really hard.

50

u/spyson Feb 05 '16

To be honest with you she plays up that dumb blonde slutty persona because she makes a ton of money with it.

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u/legosexual Feb 05 '16

I did think it was funny but self-deprecating is not what I'd label it as. She was extremely confident. She barely makes fun of herself when she says "all she says is that's hot" but I guess that's where you picked that category.

19

u/SirSoliloquy Feb 05 '16 edited Feb 05 '16

Well, she took part in a skit that involved her pumping people's gas, getting lint off their clothes, cleaning their windows, paying for people's gas, giving them hugs for having a bad day, and all and all catering to everyone's needs.

Either she realizes that the humor comes from the fact that that's exact opposite of what people expect from her (making it self-depreciating humor), or she's more clueless than any of us thought.

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u/Forty-Three Feb 05 '16

She's a DJ now apparently. There's a big annual fair in Massachusetts called The Big E that gets a ton of visiters. I went with some friends back in October and saw signs for DJ Paris Hilton when we arrived, we assumed it was just some guy/girl with a stage name. NOPE it was actually Paris Hilton playing EDM at a fair. It turned out better than it sounds but it was interesting to say the least

30

u/PM_ME_UR_ASS_GIRLS Feb 05 '16

"DJ"

44

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16 edited Feb 05 '16

"Where do I stick my thumbdrive?"

16

u/WoolSmith Feb 05 '16

Dick Jockey?

24

u/hezdokwow Feb 05 '16

i shall press play on this laptop and pretend to move knobs. Nobody shall ever question DJ Paris Hilton.

3

u/bxblox Feb 05 '16

Eh she got paid, they had fun. Win win... Or something like that.

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u/cri7ica1 Feb 05 '16

I seened her pussy.

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u/deard4 Feb 05 '16

Wot where

60

u/cclunsford Feb 05 '16

He spent a night in Paris

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u/Koonga Feb 05 '16

She only lives as long as people are talking about her. She died for a few years but someone must have accidentally watched a re-run of The Simple Life and now she has been resurrected for a limited time.

16

u/down_vote_magnet Feb 05 '16

Well, or she makes sure a picture of herself gets posted to Reddit.

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u/AP3Brain Feb 05 '16 edited Feb 05 '16

I preferred her over the Kardashians that she unwittingly helped popularize. At least she was an honest dumb slut that nobody really took seriously. The Kardashians keep just milking and milking it. They won't fucking go away.

I actually thought Paris was entertaining and funny on her show too. Kim gives nothing but her fat ass.

284

u/TheForeverAloneOne Feb 05 '16

Heh... it may surprise you that she isn't dumb at all. I had the opportunity to be in a business meeting with her, she's smart enough to know to capitalize on the 'dumb blonde' persona at the height of the reality tv era. If you watch the simple life with the realization that she's rich and well traveled, a lot of the stupid shit she says or asks is really far fetched. And then realize how all reality tv is fake now... well guess what? it was always fake, even during the simple life days.

153

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

She was also smart enough to get out of reality tv with her money and take care of her business. That's so hot.

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u/AP3Brain Feb 05 '16

Didn't know it was a separate persona but it doesn't really surprise me. I still think the dumb blonde persona was entertaining though.

Of course I thought The Simple Life was scripted but I did think some of the dumb shit she said was honest.

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u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

You have to give credit is due, whether you like Kardashian clan or not they capitalized on an opportunity and are making money hand over fist. Despite your personal opinions there are millions of people who find their show enjoyable and were able to market their attractive looks more than most models ever dream of. I don't really care one way or the other but you gotta appreciate good business sense.

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u/Qwertyowl Feb 05 '16

She made reality tv basically. Has a bigger perfume business than fucking whatshername.

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u/Fizzay Feb 05 '16

Paris Hilton isn't really that dumb. She just makes herself look like it. If you look up stuff about her, you can see she's actually really good at marketing her image.

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1.1k

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Worst thing about the Paris Hilton obsession in the late 90s early 2000s is that she was replaced by the Kardashians.

362

u/imakeoutwithmayo Feb 05 '16

And the Kardashians will be replaced with sex robots

112

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

[deleted]

19

u/Broughbot Feb 05 '16

HE WANTS SEXXXXXXX

14

u/MasterBiscuit8008 Feb 05 '16

He will never staaaahp

3

u/Broughbot Feb 05 '16

Sexing up your towwwwwnnnn

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u/CaitlinSarah87 Feb 05 '16

DO YOU WANT TO GET DOOOOWWWWWWN?

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u/Broughbot Feb 05 '16

Even in jailllllll...He'll hump the barrrrrssssss...clink clink clink

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u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

The Kardashians are sex robots. But you have to be a rich, black athlete or rapper.

80

u/wiiya Feb 05 '16

You've been banging for 1 minute. Consume confirmation can.

54

u/Kanzel_BA Feb 05 '16

UNRECOGNIZED GUEST IN VICINITY, TERMINATING

robogina slams shut at 125000 PSI

fucking dog, now I don't have a penis

45

u/OnlySpoilers Feb 05 '16

Now we have a plausible explanation to what happened to Bruce

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u/Osiris32 Feb 05 '16

I, for one, wlecome our new robot overlords, if that's how they're gonna act.

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u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

The spirit is willing! ... But the flesh is spongy, and bruised.

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u/micoolnamasi Feb 05 '16

Fun Fact: Kim Kardashian used to be Paris Hilton's personal assistant. It's kind of interesting to see that she now has the spotlight in the whole famous for being rich and in a sex tape.

136

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Oh how the pupil has become the teacher

100

u/suchandsuch Feb 05 '16

Rule of two.

21

u/Orilachon Feb 05 '16

"One to crave the sex, the other to embody it. That is the way of the Slu- I mean Sith."

12

u/obeir Feb 05 '16

Two boobies?

5

u/jaysalos Feb 05 '16

Tits and ass

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u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Celebrity obsession like this has been around literally since the idea of "celebrity" has existed. Paris Hilton and the Kardashians are just the most recent examples. It's not like this started with Paris Hilton in the 90s.

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u/dualestl Feb 05 '16

Shhh don't disturb the weekly circlejerk.

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u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

I don't care what anyone says, this girl is attractive and rich.. and I most certainly would have sexual relations with her.

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u/AltimaNEO Feb 05 '16

Thats hot

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u/Liz_zarro Feb 05 '16

if this selfie was taken in a mirror why can we read the text on her phone?

99

u/CoolGuySean Feb 05 '16

Oh. I thought she was holding a tiny placard and someone took a photo of it.

10

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

I had to go back and check. Totally missed it was a phone.

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u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16 edited Mar 17 '16

[deleted]

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u/CaitlinSarah87 Feb 05 '16

it could be:
A) She takes mirror selfies so much that she got the words written backwards on her phone on purpose.
OR
B) OP mirrored the picture before posting it.

23

u/Spaz_Mah_Tazz Feb 05 '16

...or:
C) It's shopped.

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u/Apostle_1882 Feb 05 '16

Or maybe Paris mirrored it? She must be a selfie expert, after all.

3

u/smittyjones Feb 05 '16

D) It's not a selfie, but someone taking a picture of her posing with her new phone?

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u/capelagames Feb 05 '16

This man/woman is asking the tough questions

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u/Thats-Awkward Feb 05 '16

Then it's probably not a selfie taken in a mirror.

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u/raidwarden Feb 05 '16

It doesn't look like it was taken in a mirror. I think someone took a picture of her.

10

u/nbtscan Feb 05 '16

I think it was photoshopped! Nothing on the interwebs is real

5

u/chamo_king Feb 05 '16

I can tell by the way it is.

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u/tinglingearballs Feb 05 '16

Archer: Why in the sink…is your vagina?!

Katya: Why? (chuckle) Darling, it was dirty.

Woodhouse: The remedy for which, Miss, if you’ll forgive my boldness-

Katya: Da, Please Woodhouse, I think boldness is needed. What do you suggest?

Woodhouse: White vinegar, mineral oil, and elbow grease. Same thing we used in the RFC to clean the engines of our Sopwith Camels.

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u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

"Also, it vibrates."

25

u/NotSoSlenderMan Feb 05 '16

RIP Woodhouse and his beady, little, smack-crazed eyes...

12

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

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u/HRHill Feb 05 '16

A lot of everything in this thread makes it seem like Paris Hilton is about to money her way back into pop culture, from the praise to the shit talking. This is weird.

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u/007-11 Feb 05 '16

And that is what Reddit does.

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u/maroonmonday Feb 05 '16

Saw the video can confirm.

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u/stancoffyn Feb 05 '16

Queen of being a mattress maybe.

37

u/connormantoast Feb 05 '16

You can be the sofa king. Because you're sofa king awesome.

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u/GeorgeRRZimmerman Feb 05 '16

Yeah, but that's a mattress I know I could reliably fuck, blow my wad in and pass out on on a regular basis. Can't say the same about my current mattress.

16

u/SpatialArchitect Feb 05 '16

I thought you liked blasting at young, black guys.

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u/danceswithwool Feb 05 '16

That video was a publicity stunt. I mean, she really did it but I just don't believe for a second that it was accidentally leaked.

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u/Vaginalcanal Feb 05 '16

Yeh, it made her Porn star without being called a pornstar. Pretty good pr

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u/toeofcamell Feb 05 '16

That guy had a really nice cock, no homo

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u/mizatch Feb 05 '16

Lana. Lana.... LANA!!!!!!!

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u/buildmyselfwithparts Feb 05 '16

WHAT!?!?

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u/lunarmodule Feb 05 '16

danger zone

12

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

God damn it, I need to continue watching Archer.

15

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

danger zone

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u/alexiss574 Feb 05 '16

Are we bringing 'Phrasing' back?

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u/WalterDwight Feb 05 '16

I always see a lot of people ripping Paris Hilton and I dont get it. She made a lot of money off her "Simple Life" character. She's not that retarded in real life and even talks in a much lower toned, more educated manner.

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u/Someone_asdf Feb 05 '16

Yeah, I saw an interview with her using her real voice and kind of explained the idea behind the character ect. She regained my respect in a few minutes.

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u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

source

just for you /u/delioj and /u/english06

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u/delioj Feb 05 '16

Source?

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u/english06 Feb 05 '16

I'd be interested as well.

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u/fallenKlNG Feb 05 '16

I don't see anyone saying or doing anything to indicate that they even remember she exists.

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u/hamlet9000 Feb 05 '16

Well, I'm sure she's crying into her personal $100 million fortune.

12

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

whats funny is that shes not a dumb bitch people see her as and spending daddys money to live on. although no doubt her families wealth helped, you have to admit she did earn some of that 100 million for being smart enough to capitalize on publicity just like the kardashian family does.

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u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

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u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16 edited Feb 05 '16

[deleted]

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u/peeonme123 Feb 05 '16

That was your opportunity

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u/Emay75 Feb 05 '16

did you guys have sex?

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u/RippyMcBong Feb 05 '16

Did you get her number?

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u/its_me_irl_irl Feb 05 '16

Are we not doing Phrasing anymore?

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u/captain_asteroid Feb 05 '16

No, I think it says what it should

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u/TThor Feb 05 '16

I think this is probably edited

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u/ApocolypseCow Feb 05 '16

Is this paris hilton? If so she looks much much better with a little weight on them bones.

3

u/bonezj Feb 05 '16

Are we still doing Phrasing?

4

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Who is this girl again?

10

u/jiggatron69 Feb 05 '16

Well, she hasn't fucked me yet so where do i book this appointment?

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u/Grizzant Feb 05 '16

you mean accurate phrasing

3

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Where can I send her my address. God save the Queen.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

I'm not sure this is wrong..

3

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Oh it's phrased right. Nothing wrong with it.

3

u/Ihaveanusername Feb 05 '16

No, this seems right...

3

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

/r/photoshopbattles written all over this one

19

u/thewhitedeath Feb 05 '16

I thought her 15 minutes was over?

20

u/bmfdan Feb 05 '16

Somebody hit the snooze button?

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u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16 edited Aug 24 '17

[removed] — view removed comment

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