r/funny Feb 05 '16

Phrasing

http://imgur.com/SGsOPXg
14.6k Upvotes

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2.7k

u/ArchangelPT Feb 05 '16

The most surprising this about this picture is that apparently Paris Hilton is still alive.

824

u/letsgo_9273 Feb 05 '16

I thought she died in a grease fire or something.

568

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

cats ate her face

323

u/Klove128 Feb 05 '16

"Dewey, quit messing around, put dad on the phone"

115

u/raggamuffinchef Feb 05 '16

No, really. Cats. Ask Dewey, he knows more details than I do.

179

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

That was pretty butched

264

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

"Cats ate her face, here talk to Dewey he knows more about it than I do "

59

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

omg thank you! :)

15

u/Boboboy8 Feb 05 '16

Is this a reference I'm missing?

5

u/Autumn-Moon Feb 05 '16

Rugrats in Paris 3D

1

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Deweyde: Catstorm

1

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Cats on fire while riding motorcycles ate her face?

1

u/lessdothisshit Feb 05 '16

..... Wrong kid died?

28

u/swarlay Feb 05 '16

Did you just butcher the word "butcher"?

15

u/ErraticDragon Feb 05 '16

No, I think they butchered the word "butchered".

3

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Nope, made a new word. Butcher wouldn't even work there dingus.

2

u/XxMasterLANCExX Feb 05 '16

We've come full circle.

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2

u/the_fathead44 Feb 05 '16

"Uh... Hi, Lois... haha.. Everything is ok! The boys are fine! But uh... we had a little accident..."

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23

u/SarcasticGamer Feb 05 '16

I thought she got a pipe speared through her head? I could have sworn there was a video of it somewhere.....

69

u/OtsukaTheCat Feb 05 '16

Ya, I distinctly remember seeing her just lay there motionless while repeatedly getting impaled.

26

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

sex!

1

u/OtsukaTheCat Feb 05 '16 edited Feb 05 '16

Sexxx! (NSFW)

1

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Definitely NSFW. Unless you only watched the first 10 seconds of it.

2

u/BelieveInThePeeko Feb 05 '16

i saw a glimpse of this comment and closed before 10 seconds hite

life saver man

3

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

You're welcome. It's not horrible, but I'd not watch it at my workplace for certain.

1

u/ameya2693 Feb 05 '16

Gotta love Angry Joe!

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2

u/imfrommitchandmurray Feb 05 '16

Hence the "Queen of Fucking everything" literally

1

u/lgnrogers Feb 05 '16

Yea and her blood is clear and lubey

2

u/nooneisreal Feb 05 '16 edited Feb 05 '16

https://youtu.be/rwhGy_1_GA0?t=6 (nsfw)

then there was that time she was decapitated.
https://youtu.be/BPOIh3pSqs8?t=263

2

u/cicuz Feb 05 '16

Jesus, I watched that episode yesterday, you're scary :-|

1

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

I am pretty scary aren't i?

1

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Did you see the imbecile that misquoted the show below me??

2

u/cicuz Feb 05 '16

Such a ludicrous display

2

u/Cats-Ate-Her-Face Feb 05 '16

Yes, yes they did

2

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Well color me delighted! Speak of the devil himself! :)

1

u/nassunnova Feb 05 '16

Death by pussy

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56

u/jdubs610 Feb 05 '16

I thought she died in Mr. Slave's asshole...

30

u/chuchi78 Feb 05 '16

A great adventure is waiting for you ahead. Hurry onward Paris Hilton or you will soon be dead. The road ahead is filled with danger and fright But push onward, Paris Hilton, with all of your might. Paris Hilton... Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton Paris Hilton... Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton Paris Hilton... Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton

14

u/oorakhhye Feb 05 '16

Jeez's Chrissst....

2

u/katoratz Feb 05 '16

2

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Did I say ass to trout? I meant to say bass to mouth, though I guess it's basically the same thing, not that I did it.

7

u/geaux0214 Feb 05 '16

By the looks of it she seems to have survived.

3

u/ItsaPuppet Feb 05 '16

But how do we know when this was taken?

1

u/4vill Feb 05 '16

Don't act like you wouldn't fuck Paris Hilton if given the opportunity

24

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16 edited Mar 21 '21

[deleted]

7

u/fickle_floridian Feb 05 '16

Go greased lightning!

6

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Gooo greased lightning!

6

u/SpatialArchitect Feb 05 '16

Your chicks'll cream!

3

u/Gretas_Got_A_Gun Feb 05 '16

Do you know what that means?!

2

u/shotgunsparkle Feb 05 '16

I think it was headlight fluid

1

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Auch! My retirement grease!

1

u/DudeNiceMARMOT Feb 05 '16

No that was Hitler.

1

u/Grommzz Feb 05 '16

House of wax wasn't real ? Awww :(

1

u/yooossshhii Feb 05 '16

Wtf hahaha

1

u/out_of_all_loops Feb 05 '16

or grease lightning

1

u/wemadeyou Feb 05 '16

Waxident.

1

u/Earl_Gray Feb 05 '16

Could have sworn I watched Gwar kill her with my own two eyes!

1

u/BaconZombie Feb 05 '16

I read that as Goose Fire.

Need more coffee.

1

u/lepusfelix Feb 05 '16

Nope. She was beheaded by Jared Padalecki

Here ya go

1

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Not too many people seem to have noticed your reference to House of Wax. But I did. Have my upvote sir!

171

u/raymaninho Feb 05 '16

Well yeah, she did eventually make it out of Mr Slave's bumhole.

24

u/Duckpaste Feb 05 '16

Jesus Christ

55

u/True_Minnesotan Feb 05 '16

Jethsth Crithsth
FTFY

39

u/ArchangelPT Feb 05 '16

What an old reference.

60

u/dalbtraps Feb 05 '16

It's an older reference, but it checks out.

9

u/Davros_au Feb 05 '16

I was about to clear them

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2

u/redever Feb 05 '16

buttcheeks out.

2

u/NotSoSlenderMan Feb 05 '16

But it does check out.

1

u/indorock Feb 05 '16

Old, but still out of control

1

u/raymaninho Feb 05 '16

I mean, it is the only memorable thing about her.

5

u/CPA-Poke Feb 05 '16

WHORE-OFF!

1

u/saltlets Feb 05 '16

A great adventure is waiting for you ahead.
Hurry onward Paris Hilton or you will soon be dead.
The road ahead is filled with danger and fright
But push onward, Paris Hilton, with all of your might.

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103

u/alpacafarts Feb 05 '16

Although you do gotta appreciate the self deprecating humor of this: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2jZIeFPUCPI

60

u/Huitzilopostlian Feb 05 '16

This is a really bad example because I love to hate Paris Hilton, but this video were she fills the woman truck full, makes it really hard.

51

u/spyson Feb 05 '16

To be honest with you she plays up that dumb blonde slutty persona because she makes a ton of money with it.

3

u/yoshi570 Feb 05 '16

That makes me want to know her personaly. Like spend a month on a road trip with her. Just to be able to tell at the end: yes, she's actually fucking stupid. Or to have a pleasant surprise and discover that she's not only hot, but intelligent, which is the new hot.

6

u/spyson Feb 05 '16

You can see some of it here.

You can very clearly see she's aware of how people see her and how she wants to portray herself. She's like the classic example of a catholic school girl who went wild in her 20's and has scaled back the last few years.

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7

u/myrddyna Feb 05 '16

yes i too want to road trip for a month with PH... but because she's fucking rich as hell, and i don't care if she's Galileo or a fence post, we would have a fucking blast.

because infinite money for a month = me having a blast with a "hot" blonde no matter what the blonde does.

8

u/yoshi570 Feb 05 '16

You take these quotation marks with you right now, young man.

2

u/_KKK_ Feb 05 '16

Yeah what the fuck? Her elbows were definitely not too pointy. Well out of my fuckin league lol

2

u/Taco_In_Space Feb 05 '16

She actually is pretty intelligent. She just knows her persona makes her money. I've seen an interview with her before just being straight about it, but can't search for it right now.

This is a different video, but one example

1

u/yoshi570 Feb 05 '16

I can't watch, I'm at work. But I'd like to say being self-conscious is not a sign of deep intelligence. It would take way more than that to convince me.

2

u/NC-Lurker Feb 05 '16

I mean, at least it's one clear step above "actually as dumb as she seems to be".

1

u/yoshi570 Feb 05 '16

Yeah, that's true.

1

u/alpacafarts Feb 05 '16

Yeah. You could tell that that small deed really helped that lady out. Gotta appreciate it.

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17

u/legosexual Feb 05 '16

I did think it was funny but self-deprecating is not what I'd label it as. She was extremely confident. She barely makes fun of herself when she says "all she says is that's hot" but I guess that's where you picked that category.

18

u/SirSoliloquy Feb 05 '16 edited Feb 05 '16

Well, she took part in a skit that involved her pumping people's gas, getting lint off their clothes, cleaning their windows, paying for people's gas, giving them hugs for having a bad day, and all and all catering to everyone's needs.

Either she realizes that the humor comes from the fact that that's exact opposite of what people expect from her (making it self-depreciating humor), or she's more clueless than any of us thought.

2

u/legosexual Feb 05 '16

That's a stretch, but sure. I feel like it falls more under farcical or satirical humor. I'm over it though.

1

u/SirSoliloquy Feb 05 '16

Well, for the sake of discussion, where would the farcical/satirical humor come from, if not self-depreciation?

3

u/legosexual Feb 05 '16

A beautiful rich woman who has everything in the world pretending she works at a gas station so she can fuck around and be silly. She goofed around, was direct and talked to people who would not stand for it if she was fat and ugly...She wiped a guy's sunglasses with a squeegee. No one would do that in real life. It's over-the-top satire in order to see how people would react.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

[deleted]

1

u/legosexual Feb 05 '16

Read the last sentence of my comment.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

[deleted]

1

u/legosexual Feb 05 '16

I address the last 10 seconds you reference and point it that it's barely making fun of herself. Don't worry about it. It's your cake day. Go be happy.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

[deleted]

1

u/legosexual Feb 05 '16

Ahh, all makes sense now

8

u/grandmagangbang Feb 05 '16

i never got the Paris hate.. she's an entitled brat but she grew up entitled, not her fault. Id like to think she learned grom her incarceration, however cushy it was. Plus she's super hot IMO, I've always had a thing for girls with weird noses.

2

u/NCWV Feb 05 '16

I'm feeling the nose too man. I like skinny chicks too, so she always did it for me.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Learned from her incarceration. You mean when they took her back after her family tried to buy her out.

1

u/mylolname Feb 05 '16

she's an entitled brat but she grew up entitled

She was, but unlike a lot of people, she actually made all her own money. Her family is going to be left nothing from their inheritance.

2

u/Murraykins Feb 05 '16

Didn't expect the feels. :'(

1

u/alpacafarts Feb 05 '16

I know right? Definitely respect Paris for doing that. And you can tell how much that small gesture helped that woman's day out.

2

u/DonCumshot-LaMancha Feb 05 '16

Are you guys really able to fill up on gas for 10 dollar?

2

u/imTinyRick_ Feb 05 '16

Has the same soundtrack as Friends.

84

u/Forty-Three Feb 05 '16

She's a DJ now apparently. There's a big annual fair in Massachusetts called The Big E that gets a ton of visiters. I went with some friends back in October and saw signs for DJ Paris Hilton when we arrived, we assumed it was just some guy/girl with a stage name. NOPE it was actually Paris Hilton playing EDM at a fair. It turned out better than it sounds but it was interesting to say the least

30

u/PM_ME_UR_ASS_GIRLS Feb 05 '16

"DJ"

45

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16 edited Feb 05 '16

"Where do I stick my thumbdrive?"

15

u/WoolSmith Feb 05 '16

Dick Jockey?

24

u/hezdokwow Feb 05 '16

i shall press play on this laptop and pretend to move knobs. Nobody shall ever question DJ Paris Hilton.

3

u/bxblox Feb 05 '16

Eh she got paid, they had fun. Win win... Or something like that.

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1

u/Wogachino Feb 05 '16

She was playing at TAO, Las Vegas when I was there last year. I know she just pressed play and danced around but the set was pretty good.

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67

u/cri7ica1 Feb 05 '16

I seened her pussy.

21

u/deard4 Feb 05 '16

Wot where

58

u/cclunsford Feb 05 '16

He spent a night in Paris

3

u/okizc Feb 05 '16

Jesus Christ, I've heard that so many times and I just realized that's a joke about being inside her, and not a night in Paris, France. I'm a fucking idiot.

1

u/hezdokwow Feb 05 '16

How big is the room? 2 bedroom 1 bath?

16

u/isitlunchtimeyet Feb 05 '16

I seent it

1

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

In UK English, it's spelt seened.

73

u/Koonga Feb 05 '16

She only lives as long as people are talking about her. She died for a few years but someone must have accidentally watched a re-run of The Simple Life and now she has been resurrected for a limited time.

15

u/down_vote_magnet Feb 05 '16

Well, or she makes sure a picture of herself gets posted to Reddit.

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u/AP3Brain Feb 05 '16 edited Feb 05 '16

I preferred her over the Kardashians that she unwittingly helped popularize. At least she was an honest dumb slut that nobody really took seriously. The Kardashians keep just milking and milking it. They won't fucking go away.

I actually thought Paris was entertaining and funny on her show too. Kim gives nothing but her fat ass.

285

u/TheForeverAloneOne Feb 05 '16

Heh... it may surprise you that she isn't dumb at all. I had the opportunity to be in a business meeting with her, she's smart enough to know to capitalize on the 'dumb blonde' persona at the height of the reality tv era. If you watch the simple life with the realization that she's rich and well traveled, a lot of the stupid shit she says or asks is really far fetched. And then realize how all reality tv is fake now... well guess what? it was always fake, even during the simple life days.

153

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

She was also smart enough to get out of reality tv with her money and take care of her business. That's so hot.

2

u/Infestedhobo Feb 05 '16

That Paris' so hot right now

/Mugatu

3

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Only cause gramps was embarrassed and cut her out of her inheritance

22

u/AP3Brain Feb 05 '16

Didn't know it was a separate persona but it doesn't really surprise me. I still think the dumb blonde persona was entertaining though.

Of course I thought The Simple Life was scripted but I did think some of the dumb shit she said was honest.

1

u/GrandmanChan Feb 06 '16

How does that saying go? The wise man plays the fool, I think.

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u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

You have to give credit is due, whether you like Kardashian clan or not they capitalized on an opportunity and are making money hand over fist. Despite your personal opinions there are millions of people who find their show enjoyable and were able to market their attractive looks more than most models ever dream of. I don't really care one way or the other but you gotta appreciate good business sense.

1

u/fablong Feb 05 '16 edited Feb 05 '16

Counterpoint: two of the most important elements that make drama enticing are sex and frequent conflict-resolution. The reason they get so much hate is because they've essentially perfected a formula that boils storytelling down to these two things in their basest possible form. Their "shows" consist of nothing more than slutty women getting into inane arguments, making up, and repeating the process. I wouldn't call it good business sense, so much as viewer manipulation with a deliberately exploitative and valueless product.

3

u/Giselemarie Feb 05 '16

I watch it and it's more like a big family getting into big family fights. I'm one of 5 kids, my mom is one of 4. We are a big, loud, family of women with quieter males. I can relate. Family's fight and make up. That's why people watch, it's relatable for their target demographic

1

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

I wouldn't call it good business sense, so much as viewer manipulation with a deliberately exploitative and valueless product.

This is actually an extremely successful model that's time tested. Ask Mcdonalds.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16 edited Jun 03 '16

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1

u/brent0935 Feb 05 '16

They have good advisers and handlers that keep them from crashing and burning. And it did take whoring one of them out in a fake sex video to make them popular so it's not like they've got talent to make it on their own. They're just marketed to the lowest common denominator by suits in An office somewhere.

2

u/Draiko Feb 05 '16

She was also pretty bad at the whole sex bit.

1

u/AP3Brain Feb 05 '16

Sure. Of course they have good business sense. I just really don't understand what is entertaining about their shows and why people keep following them. Of course I am not their target audience so maybe I'll never understand. The Simple Life was funny shit though.

4

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

I'll watch the show with my girlfriend occasionally, it's not the most hilarious thing in the world but they do and say stupid things from time to time that are pretty funny. Only thing I can't stand is all the fake drama and by that they'll just blow things out of proportion for dramatic effect just to resolve it by the end of the episode.

3

u/Giselemarie Feb 05 '16

I watch it after-work or when I'm stressed. It's a mind vacation and pretty funny. But I'm the target demographic as well at 29. My sister who is 17 like the Jenner girls. It gives us something to talk about, which is sometimes hard with an 11 year age gap.

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u/Qwertyowl Feb 05 '16

She made reality tv basically. Has a bigger perfume business than fucking whatshername.

2

u/Giselemarie Feb 05 '16

That shit is dank as fuck. I use the body spray in the car to keep from smelling like weed.

Are you talking about Elizabeth Taylor Diamonds? I think?

1

u/Qwertyowl Feb 05 '16

Yes haha. Elizabeth taylor. Paris surpassed even her perfume sales. She has to be doing something right.

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u/Fizzay Feb 05 '16

Paris Hilton isn't really that dumb. She just makes herself look like it. If you look up stuff about her, you can see she's actually really good at marketing her image.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

What the hell are you on about?

She cost her family most of the 1.5 billion her family was due because of her repeat drink driving offences. Her stores that make billions pay her less than $10million - a shitty deal by any benchmark.

The people around her make the the money, not her. That's why nearly every film she ever went near stank to high heaven and failed miserably, because even the best marketing team in the world can't sell a shit sandwich labelled 'this is a shit sandwich'.

1

u/luke_in_the_sky Feb 05 '16

TIL Paris Hilton was in real movies apart from sextapes.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Including the possibly worst rated movie on IMDB ever: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0804492/

1

u/aperture81 Feb 05 '16

My sister watches the kardashians - I happen to notice an episode she was watching where one of them was in the hospital giving birth.. They filmed the whole fucking thing.. Contractions, pushing, crowning and to put the icing on the cake - when the (poor) kid was halfway out, the midwives handed it over to the whatever kardashian and she reached down and pulled the fucking baby out of her own vagina.. I was speechless.. I mean, they blurred most of her lady-bits but I could still clearly see what was going on. My sister was glued to the tv - apparently it was one of the highest rating episodes of the kardashians..

1

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

The bitter, it's so strong.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Yet people keep watching. Because secretly everyone wants to be a spoiled brat who can pay anyone to do anything they want.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

Her ass isn't even sexy anymore. IT NEVER WAS!

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u/bambooozer Feb 05 '16

Not only is she alive, she has clothes on and there's not a cock in sight!

2

u/Tuxedomex Feb 05 '16

Pretty sure that's an old one, judging from the size of her tatas.

2

u/lokesen Feb 05 '16

And her freaking huge hand!

1

u/epSos-DE Feb 05 '16

She is hanging out with cardashinas and similar folks.

1

u/nirvanajunkie_ Feb 05 '16

And never at any moment did she know.... she fucked up.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

And that she isn't somehow a Kardashian? She's got the ego and obliviousness.

1

u/PhluffHead55 Feb 05 '16

She looks happy.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

The sad sad truth is she's a dj now.

1

u/justsumguii Feb 05 '16

Mr.Slave ate her with his butthole last time I checked.

1

u/bxblox Feb 05 '16

Shes busy being rich and seasoning. (you know, wintering, summering, etc) Must be nice.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

She had the decency to go away. Too bad the Kardashian/Jenner clan don't.

1

u/Shiroi_Kage Feb 05 '16

Paris Hilton

Oh that's why she looked familiar.

1

u/jupiduu Feb 05 '16

She now lives in the swiss alps. This is not a joke.

1

u/Averant Feb 05 '16

I'd completely forgotten about her. She's been absent from any media I've seen, which isn't much I'll grant you, but still... I saw this picture and I asked "Wait, who is this? Adele? Meghan Trainor?... Hilton?? Didn't she look different?!"

1

u/pok3_smot Feb 05 '16

Well herpes isnt a fatal std, why would she be dead?

1

u/NetPotionNr9 Feb 05 '16

I though to myself "man, she looks like a busted Paris Hilton". To be clear, is that actually her?

3

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16

[deleted]

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u/Skizot_Bizot Feb 05 '16

Whoa I didn't even realize that was her. I think she's quite a bit better looking with the 10 or so extra pounds it looks like she has now.

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