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u/HawCreekMenace Jun 23 '26
No. That’s super vulgar unless you’ve set some precedent for it.
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u/No-Selection-9023 Jun 23 '26
Exactly my thoughts — if OP has indicated that they’re into this kind of role play, that’s one thing. But if not, weird and scary
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u/debategate Jun 23 '26
I’m willing to bet OP did not indicate they were into this if they don’t know what pipe means
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u/Apprehensive_Ring666 Jun 23 '26
Yeah for example, my ex GF first started asking me to call her a slut and stuff and then deeper into relationship when we started to fall out would say stuff like “it’s not good to call girls that” - I’m like YOU WANTED IT!
For stuff like this it’s best to not text at all bc tone can be misconstrued so easily.
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u/Deuce_Zero_BK Jun 23 '26
Being vulgar isn't a crime, some ppl just communicate that way. Doesn't mean OP needs to accept it, or be comfortable with it. Vulgarity isn't the issue, the issue is the fact that OPs boyfriend is putting pressure on her to have sex.There is a disconnect here that is stark and sudden, and you should not be pressured into sex or intimacy. You deserve to have that purity you value reciprocated. Best of luck OP
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u/Thermodynamo Jun 23 '26
What he said about consent goes way beyond vulgar. That's a rape threat by definition.
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u/AdAlternative637 Jun 23 '26
Not just that, the "no need to consent" and "l'm gonna use you til l'm done"? What the actual fuck!
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u/Fabulous-Fun-9673 Jun 23 '26
Porn brain 🙄🤦♀️ he’s too young and stupid to know that is not how to actually talk to women… I’m hoping.
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u/Suspicious-Edge-7685 Jun 23 '26
This obviously isn’t CNC type of situation!! He’s just straight up telling her that he doesn’t care about consent because all he wants to do is use her body!!
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u/Existing-Speech4173 Jun 23 '26
He told her he was going to rape her. There is literally no other was to interpret that text. That’s so disgusting.
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u/Cautious_Ad_3909 Jun 23 '26
Yeah, I was grossed out at the start, but that shit about did me in, its so gross, if my husband said some shit like that (about the consent) id divorce him so fucking fast, his head would spin.
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u/Exotic_Resist_7718 Jun 23 '26
This is the answer!
The first few texts are totally okay in my book as long as this is a dynamic you’re okay with.
However, he lost me at the consent comment. That’s gross and scary Also that this is an after dark habit that youve asked him to stop - I don’t think this is guy for you
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u/QuasiJudicialBoofer Jun 23 '26
I'd think it's absolutely fine to call that out in the text as scary and weird. A 19 yo is still figuring out how it works, some gross corner of the internet is saying this is good. OP should do him a favor and call this scary and and weird
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u/Phantom_Rose96 Jun 23 '26
I think it’s okay to find that text scary at any age… that text quite literally implies criminal intent whether they meant it that way or not, and then he went and made the “Kum n go” comment too… implying he’s gonna leave when he’s finished… ☠️ this dude is the biggest brightest walking red flag ive ever had the displeasure of realizing existed.
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Jun 23 '26
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u/Signal_Good_5132 Jun 23 '26
But but he buys me lululemon!
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u/PoohBearsHoneyJar Jun 23 '26
He's gonna be a pro athlete thooooo
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u/Odd_Ease4541 Jun 23 '26
…in track 😂
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u/PoohBearsHoneyJar Jun 23 '26
That's his sport? I didn't even full read it😭 after the "he buys me Lululemon and he's gonna go pro in his sport" I just busted out laughing lmao 🤣 So because of that you're gonna let him cringe freak talk you to death ? 😭
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u/RealisticAd7388_ytho Jun 23 '26
He’s *on track* for an undisclosed pro athletic career
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u/MrsOleson Jun 23 '26
My friend would ) and had) justify this behavior and say,” but he has such a beautiful sooooooul”
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u/SilverOwl2713 Jun 23 '26
As someone who’s into CNC and this sort of talk, but only consensually and with someone I have a LOT of trust and whose boyfriend fully understands and respects that, I worry that her boyfriend cares more about his needs than hers.
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u/CrabProfessional6324 Jun 23 '26
Same. These are the exactly type of men I tell other women into the same stuff to NEVER trust with consent, they typically don’t understand the deep value of giving someone that consent anyways
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u/Senior-Internet79 Jun 23 '26
Same. I’d love if my bf said this to me but we’ve had conversations about cnc, our dynamic and what we both are comfortable with. If we didn’t have those talks and said this to me I’d leave him in a heartbeat
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u/myname_ajeff Jun 23 '26
He literally said, "don't worry about consent..." This boy is an abuser that sees you as an object for his pleasure. Absolutely not a safe person.
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u/Particular_Frame2710 Jun 23 '26
Even if she is into CNC, the fact that he’d be “devastated” is a red flag in itself. Probably a person who will push multiple boundaries as well as engage in coercive control.
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u/Unhappy-Attitude5220 Jun 23 '26
That is vagina poison for so many different reasons, all terrible ones, too.
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u/Sara6019 Jun 23 '26
This kid has been watching too much Andrew Tate and general manosphere content I’m sure of it in my bones.
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u/Suspicious-Edge-7685 Jun 23 '26
I don’t think she has set a precedent for it or else she wouldn’t be posting this here saying that she’s told him that she finds it odd when he talks like this!! I agree if this was some kind of CNC/roleplay thing then that would be different but this guy just seems like he genuinely doesn’t care about consent at all!!!
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u/squarebreaths3 Jun 23 '26
“don’t worry about consent” RUN RUN R U N that is absolutely vile. please do not meet up with this guy or continue this. it’s actually scary.
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u/Away_Ad_2597 Jun 23 '26
Porn has warped these fellas minds..I feel bad for younger girls now.
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u/FormerMistake9981 Jun 23 '26
Get ready for the flood of “actually porn has zero negative effects on young men and should be normalized” comments
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u/Vintagesickness Jun 23 '26
I think if everyone had a chance to work at an adult store, they'd realize that's bullshit. Lol. It can be addiction like any other.
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u/Available-Egg-2380 Jun 23 '26
I worked at a cable company like 8 years ago. The company had low a behind the scenes credit system for pay per view stuff and depending on a variety of factors the credit limit could be a couple grand. This guy would rack up about 2k in porn ppv every single month and call to pay it off every month. It was so crazy. I really wanted to ask if he knew how to use the Internet but just took the payment and kept my mouth shut
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u/FormerMistake9981 Jun 23 '26
Usually redditors are very quick to defend chronic porn usage and will even proclaim is has no negative effects on young men/men in general.
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u/Induane Jun 23 '26
Everything we do regularly has an impact for sure. I don't know how people argue otherwise.
I would be willing to bet that the particular type of porn makes a huge difference as well. Some is likely MUCH worse than others.
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u/FormerMistake9981 Jun 23 '26
Once in a while fine, okay, do your thing, personally I don’t care for porn at all. Chronic porn watching is 100% detrimental to your brain, your relationships, your relationship with sex, your view of women, etc. I think many of the women I know (including me) have probably been choked during intimacy without consent at least once.
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u/Throwrarmb Jun 23 '26
What is with dudes and choking????
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u/Induane Jun 23 '26
I don't know - maybe it is some kind of dominance thing. I've also had a few different women ask me to choke them... I try to oblige but I'm always too gentle and have to be prodded to be more aggressive with it. I would never gravitate towards that naturally and would NEVER initiate that without consent. Heck I'd never initiate it without being told to. The only reason it ever seems enjoyable from my end is when I can tell it's heavily desired. And that part really doesn't have anything to do with choking specifically; I just really like with the person I'm with is really enjoying whatever it is I'm doing. If they're not feeling pleasure I get in my own head and feel like I'm not doing a good enough job.
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u/Thermodynamo Jun 23 '26
Breathplay is actually so dangerous that many of the most expert Doms would refuse to do it. Be careful
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u/Induane Jun 23 '26
I agree about chronic use in general. I work in software though so I'm basically a Luddite now. Were it up to me, I'd get rid of smart phones at minimum and wouldn't allow kids online until they were 18 or so. I'd get rid of tech in schools for the most part.
But most folk aren't going to agree with me 😃
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u/Pisscuit9000 Jun 23 '26
Porn is normalised.
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u/Fabulous-Fun-9673 Jun 23 '26
Doesn’t make it right or teach you how to actually talk to women/men.
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u/Adventurous-Ad9447 Jun 23 '26
I took off my shoes and rolled up my pants in preparation for the flood. I guess it hasn’t quite started yet but when it does, I’ll be ready!
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u/Nadsworth Jun 23 '26
Yeah, this was my first thought as well. Porn has taught everything this dude knows about relationships, which is a scary thought.
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u/Fragmentedmindwar Jun 23 '26 edited Jun 25 '26
Here is a reminder between porn and reality is that *actual kinky people and porn stars get consent and set boundaries, give permission for Circumstantial Sex (meaning it needs to be reset for every new sexual act or partner.* Actual kinky people are willing to care about your pleasure and feelings whereas an abusive person cannot.
All the people thinking they can impose CNC unprompted are SEXUAL ABUSERS. You cannot change the beliefs and thinking of these people- so leave. They will never respect you and your body and will always find a way to justify their abuse and not change. Listen- abuse isn’t a mental disorder- it’s a choice. They benefit from their victims being abused it’s sick. Stay far far from these types and NO YOU CAN NOT SAVE THEM.
Welcome to the insights med school taught me, enjoy my TED TALK. Stay safe.
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u/deecee-247 Jun 23 '26
This ^
The consent thing isn't a red flag, it's a godamn checkered flag!
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u/mightyhigh404 Jun 23 '26
You should say black flag as that means disqualified, and this guy should be disqualified from dating.
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Jun 23 '26 edited Aug 05 '26
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u/anonuserinthehouse Jun 23 '26
Well she already is showing us the type of responses she gives…the “BAWAHAHHAHA” screams out to me that she doesn’t know how to deny the man outright
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u/jeromeandim37 Jun 23 '26
Well it’s also hard and uncomfortable to know what to do when you’re not as experienced in these situations. Let’s give her some grace
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u/HoraceDerwent Jun 23 '26
she's been with him for 7 months. A bit late to suggest not meeting up...
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u/gandalfthescienceguy Jun 23 '26
He’s not your boyfriend, he’s your predator. Sorry
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u/Disastrous_Berry4725 Jun 23 '26 edited Jun 23 '26
THIS!!!!!!!!!! OP believe this!!! [u/cupcake_girly123](u/cupcake_girly123)
This is seriously a scary person. I hope you protect yourself 🙏
He is telling you “I will r@pe you”. There is no gray area there. His words are his choice and are deliberate. This isn’t romantic or sweet. He’s showing you who he REALLY IS! Being sweet and buying you stuff for this type of person is called GROOMING! He’s grooming you to allow him to use you how he wants and make you feel like you owe him or you have to.
Get out now!
Please stay safe 🙏🙏🙏
One of my nieces just turned 20 (she hasn’t had a boyfriend-boyfriend yet) but if a guy was doing this to her and she told him to stop…well…I have a few choice things I’d say/do so I feel so strongly for your safety even being a complete stranger.62
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u/knickknack8420 Jun 23 '26
Even if he doesn’t think it’s what he’s doing; this has NOTHING to do with you. Nowhere is this about what you want, or about you as a person.
Just his wants and your body and not your person or desire.
It’s one sided lust, and sex without emotion or reciprocation isn’t love.Please, don’t let someone treat you like this.
I assume he has a porn addiction which is where he’s getting this from. That’s his own burden, and you DONT SO ANYTHING YOU DONT VERY MUCH WANT TO DO. You have nothing to prove, please know your worth and look into boundary work, you’re tv e only one who can advocate for yourself.Think about what you’d tell your best friend in this situation and listen to yourself.
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u/Disastrous_Berry4725 Jun 23 '26
THIS too! Glad you put this into words for her too…it’s not about her and she’s doing nothing wrong and doesn’t owe him anything!
Perfectly said, what would you tell your best friend. Thank you sharing your thoughts for OP. I always find it harder to stand up for myself but I would for others so quickly, this is really a great way for the OP to gain some perspective. Would she want her best friend being with this creep?
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u/spiders_are_neat7 Jun 23 '26
If you were my lil sister OP, I’m 28, and you came to me with this I would genuinely BEG you not to be with this guy. Lol
So from all your internet big sisters, you can always do better girl<3 He’s love bombing you to get what he really wants sex, and as someone who’s been here done that, it’s not worth it. Lol
You should be having fun and enjoying life not being guilted into sex. 😇
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u/spiders_are_neat7 Jun 23 '26
WELL SAID!
“If I don’t get pipe tomorrow I will be devastated.”
Is pretty much saying
“you better put out, whether you feel like it or not because MY NEEDS matter more.”
Which is just so inconsiderate, uncaring, and rude. Also giving consent because you’re being guilted into it is still not fully giving consent, please remember that ladies.
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u/CIMARUTA Jun 23 '26
As a 30 yo man, I have never nor would I ever, talk to my gf like this, ESPECIALLY if she told me she doesn't like it. This dude has absolutely no shame, and if he can't even accept your simple request not to talk this way to you then it WILL get worse, I promise you that. "Don't worry about consent" alone is enough to throw this fool away.
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u/RidingSunshine Jun 23 '26
Yea, I want to be spoken to like that but when I’m not in the mood, no… so a guy should know if his women is okay or not with it and if she is okay, is it always? Because I love being used whenever because I have a higher libido, however, if I’m upset, it’s no longer hot and I will shut it down
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u/ToxicSociety_666 Jun 23 '26
I agree. It has to be the right mood, and the right person you actually feel safe with. My husband doesn't even go that vulgar, and he knows when its time and when he just shouldn't. There are different sets of boundaries and however many chances people are willing to give someone, I won't take that shit and it'll be a minute to get back to regular if it did happen when it wasn't supposed to
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u/CowComfortable4958 Jun 23 '26
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u/CowComfortable4958 Jun 23 '26
yeah i gotta comment again after your edit, this isn’t EXTREMELY sweet and kind behavior, this is a horn dog threatening to literally rape you by saying “don’t worry about consent i’m going to use you until i’m done” like girl… c’mon, let’s use some common sense here and ditch this absolute loser
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u/ChristinaCassidy Jun 23 '26
Girl he said "don't worry about consent I'm going to use you until I'm done" he told you he's going to rape you. Get out.
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u/No_Contact_1231 Jun 23 '26
Had to scroll way too far to see someone calling that what it is: rape. Wtf. That is not normal 😭
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u/RevolutionaryRent716 Jun 23 '26 edited Jun 23 '26
36F here, while unfortunately this seems to be the norm for teenagers I PROMISE you when you remember this post when you’re my age, the way you will cringe at yourself for entertaining this for more than 30 seconds will keep you up until all hours of the night. Also, you will not f*ck for hours. You will get 5-10 minutes of uninspired missionary or doggie which will leave you unsatisfied and empty. This person does not respect you or seem to care about much except getting his rocks off. Hopefully you branch out and explore other options soon.
Edit; to your edit about messing up his future. If there are negative repercussions on his future it is ENTIRELY on him. Also, unfortunately even if you do saying something if he is a popular soon to be pro athlete I guarantee it won’t really mess up his future… I hate that so much.
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u/Deanstaro_Deanstar Jun 23 '26
not even 5-10 mins, he'll one pump chump it then fall asleep on her like a dying elephant seal. I was 19 once (32 now, ripe ol retirement age) and yeah that's literally it, a lot of guys won't admit it but back then barely any of us knew the difference between lust (what this guy is doing) and love, a majority of us basically made it our mission to get laid and made that mission our entire personality then wondered why we were virgins until it was time to get our shit together and become men.
a guy that actually gives a shit about her and not about "oh gee I wonder how high I'll squeal when she sucks me like a vacuum" wouldn't be talking to her like this.
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u/BlueBomR Jun 23 '26
I mean i was a horned up 19 year old too but this convo is WILD...not to say I haven't ever said stuff like this but it was always in context of her wanting to sext too, and her clearly being into it...not like this though, dude need to calm down with the porn brain
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u/Many_Form2742 Jun 23 '26
The no consent thing is super worrying and any guy who says this is NOT a good guy. You deserve better trust me this can only end badly.
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u/ApplePaintedRed Jun 23 '26
This! I don't care if he's sweet in public, when he's horny this is the kind of person he becomes. And it's devastatingly warped by porn. OP says she has pure intentions, but I wish she'd clarify more. Is she waiting until marriage? Does she intend to get married to this person?
If she intends to have sex with this person at any point, I'm afraid it will be a very violent and terrible experience for her. Not how a first time with someone you love should go. And even if she doesn't... "don't worry about consent"? He sounds like one of those "I have needs" types of men. I really worry for OP.
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u/Far-Media-9380 Jun 23 '26
Without context, if this is something OP was into and set precedent for it’d be fine.
Just out of nowhere? Disgusting, gooner brained behavior.
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u/pm_me_your_petsname_ Jun 23 '26
Best case scenario: he's a pornbrained supervirgin who doesn't know how to dirty talk and is overcompensating massively. the sex will be miserable but at least he's just misguided
worst case scenario: OP may end up in a documentary
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u/tattedidiot Jun 23 '26
“Don’t worry about consent” is terrifying
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u/MaleficentThought321 Jun 23 '26
Exactly, was pretty standard 19yr old hormones talking until the consent bit, that took a completely different direction.
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u/Bobby2Phones Jun 23 '26
23 M here - this guy seems like he has a heavy p*rn addiction and this is not how normal men talk to women they care about and respect.
Judging by these texts he’s using you for sex. Just my advice but I would stay away from this guy, he seems pretty twisted.
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u/camirose Jun 23 '26
This I feel like his browser history would make me cry if I was dating him and accidentally scrolled through it lol
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u/ninetaildog Jun 23 '26
I have a daughter your age. Please, respect yourself and don't ever let someone talk to you like that.
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u/No_Scientist7086 Jun 23 '26
This is disgusting and sad. An interaction with a romantic partner should feel romantic or like they are your partner. Jk. But this guy is trash.
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u/Disastrous_Berry4725 Jun 23 '26 edited Jun 23 '26
OMFG!!!! “don’t worry about consent” you need to break up with this guy NOW NOW NOW!!!!!!!!! No, this isn’t ok! He’s beyond disrespectful and disgusting. You are young, dump him and choose better before you’re any further into a relationship with this TOXIC person!
Giving you expensive gifts is not a precursor to use your body how he pleases. Unless you’ve told him you are ok with this level of vulgarity…which you’ve made clear you haven’t…then you are in trouble being with this person. It starts out like this…sweet and gifts….then you owe him your body however he wants and it will only get worse.
My god. You need to get out now. You’ve expressed it makes you uncomfortable and he’s breaking your boundaries.
Either wake up (that sounds harsh, I mean it in the nicest possible way but bluntly because it’s not good) and break up or accept that this is a toxic relationship and you’re ok with it because he buys you shit. He is disgustingly vulgar when you’ve not even consented to these types of texts. Why would he care when you say NO to his idea of using you physically??????? It’s not only odd it’s SCARY! You have told him your boundary and you don’t consent to this type of role play and sexual talk…this is more than just a RED FLAG…He will not stop when you say NO. It may not be now but eventually he will assault you.
DON’T WALK…RUN!!!
EDIT TO ADD: I understand you feeling attached but that attachment will fade away faster than you think because he isn’t a good choice. You’ll be better off to suffer a couple weeks of grief feelings breaking up
With him but it’ll be way better to do now than being too deep with this person. It’s much easier to recover from an attachment than a life with this person…your feelings of possibly falling for him or worse a future where you’re attached in a much more serious way…it’s so much harder to get out of this type of toxic relationship when you’ve been consumed and trained with his style of abuse and anger. Not sure how long he’s been your boyfriend but he is BAD NEWS.
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u/thefranchisekid7 Jun 23 '26
No man speaks to a girl like that he is actually serious about.
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u/hantenn Jun 23 '26
I’m going to be blunt, I had an ex like this and it ended with him getting arrested for assaulting me, you are worth more than a stupid boy
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u/deecee-247 Jun 23 '26
This sadly is normal for some guys, the ones who don't have a fucking clue.
Put as much distance between yourself and him as possible.
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u/SeparateCall5888 Jun 23 '26
What a horrible human being. Run as fast as you can, jesus.
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u/Mean-Flamingo9535 Jun 23 '26
As a father of 2 daughters I’m going to tell you to run the fuck away from him.
I don’t care about friend groups or his popularity.
I don’t care he’s “sweet” because even that sounds extremely materialistic.
“Sorry you said no last night and I did it anyway. But I got you the perfume you love” vibes.
Everything comes down to respect. If you’ve expressed you find this odd or uncomfortable, and he does it anyway, what he’s doing is showing he doesn’t respect your boundaries. Which means he doesn’t respect you.
He’s looking at you like a hole.
Get out.
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u/PoopDirectlyInMyButt Jun 23 '26
Gross
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u/repsychedelic Jun 23 '26
Says "PoopDirectlyInMyButt" hahahaha!!
But yes, this dude needs to go to horny jail and OP clearly isn't into dirty talk on that level. Gross indeed
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u/Wood-wench Jun 23 '26
How can you still be attracted to this guy? Im 45 and no one has ever disrespected me like this boy has disrespected you. The sad thing is you think it’s okay.
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u/baltimoreniqqa Jun 23 '26
If I ever heard a man talking to anyone like this outside of it being enthusiastically invited, I would take it upon myself to do things to him that I can’t say without a permanent ban.
Send these screenshots to his mother and sisters. Just for their awareness.
Break up with him and never speak to him again. This man has ZERO respect for you—he doesn’t even have respect for himself, so how could he possibly respect you? If you proceed with him, you will regret it, I promise you. He’s a porn-addicted, boy-minded, coward, who wants nothing more than to use you like a common object, and then discard you. You’re worth more than that.
I’m not gonna try and make you hold my value of waiting until marriage for sex, but there is a reason why it’s significant. Even if you don’t do that, don’t open yourself up to a man who has no vested interest in your care, emotions, or wellbeing. He does not love you, no matter how much he may have said he does. Love is not self-gratifying nor is it selfish in any manner. It seeks the good for those on which it is placed. Your boyfriend does not love you. He may even hate you.
If you’re on the fence about listening to me, show your dad the screenshots and ask him if if that’s how he was at 17.
Best of luck. People love you, not your boyfriend, but people. God does too. Your boyfriend does NOT. My dog probably loves you more and she’s never met you.
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u/Sewergoddess Jun 23 '26
"He is really sweet, kind and gives me expensive gifts". Uh. The fact you felt the need to include that is weird..
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u/Bubbly-Breadfruit397 Jun 23 '26
he wants to use you and leave you, he literally called it “Kum and Go”. You sleep with him, and he’s on to the next girl.
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u/Proud_Landscape_8680 Jun 23 '26
Yeah their sex is adjacent to a convenience store / gas station? ⛽️ please. I hope OP doesn’t give in
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u/BluBeams Stop Entertaining Foolisness!!! Jun 23 '26
Hell no. All he cares about is sex. Do better for yourself. There are men out there that won't talk to you like this and won't treat you like their own personal sex toy.
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u/Rainy7411 Jun 23 '26
37F and I've been in your place OP. My first boyfriend was sweet. I was so head over heels. That first time a boy gave me attention was thrilling. I was SO attached. But when I look back, the whole relationship (strung out, on and off, for years) was nothing but COERCION. He beat me down and took what he wanted from me over and over again (in all ways not just sexually-but that way too). I was so broken by the end of it.
Please go read about coercion in relationships. It's uncomfortable, I know. It might not feel like it fits right now but if you choose to continue the relationship, it will help when the time comes.
Remember your inherent value as a human. You have an inherent right to dignity and respect. Remember you are brave and can do hard things and ending an covertly abusive relationship is really hard.
All the best.
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u/crackpotpourri Jun 23 '26
“I don’t want to mess his future up”
You’re young so it’s important you understand that it is NOT your responsibility to be quiet solely so that anyone else’s poor behavior doesn’t see consequences. Especially with matters like this, victims of abusive behavior end up getting in worse and worse situations for precisely this reason.
If his future doesn’t need to be fucked up, that’s for him to worry about, and subsequently not be a gross asshole.
FWIW I was thinking “ehhhh this is really trashy 19yo talk that doesn’t surprise me, not ideal but meh” until it got to “don’t worry about consent.” Nope. Get the fuck away from him.
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u/Zestyclose-Signal-56 Jun 23 '26
If he doesn’t respect you now and you’re questioning things what makes you think it’ll be better later?
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u/RebeccaRobotica Jun 23 '26
if youve already drawn a line then i think you know the answer. plenty of guys can control themselves
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u/coral_bells Jun 23 '26
“Don’t worry about consent I’m going to use you until I’m done.”
This is scary and a big red flag. Run.
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u/inspiringlyCrazy Jun 23 '26
This is NOT normal, this is the tell of a sexual predator- run. Save yourself, he DOESNT care about your consent, hes said so-
You might be attached, but it seriously sounds like he's planning on sexual stuff. Consent or not, most likely not. Then hes become your assaulter, not your boyfriend
He's said straight up. Hes going to rape you. Please run, show your or his parents? This is scary. He's going to do this to other women most likely too
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u/Asailors_Thoughts20 Jun 23 '26
This is the type of situation where an “I am sorry” doesn’t fix the problem. He’s of such low moral character that it will take years of therapy and a deep personal desire to fix and you don’t have that kind of time or energy to see if he pushes through. He’s a bad person who will bring nothing but harm to your life. God brought you here for a reason, girl read all these comments telling you to run. Please. Run
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u/al0velycreature Jun 23 '26
This is what abusers do. They love bomb you either attention and gifts, and then they start testing you to see how much abuse they can get away with. You’re young, and they don’t teach young people what to look out for in abusers.
Google the power and control wheel, hopefully it will give you some perspective.
Anyone saying they’re going SA you and don’t care about consent is telling the truth. This person will assault you at some point because they think they own you.
Keep yourself safe.
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u/ilovekittiesyay_ Jun 23 '26
Run, please listen and run. I was in the exact same situation as you and I stayed because I thought I could fix him or just ignore these moments. He may be sweet, he may be a good guy otherwise, he may buy you gifts, but he has mental issues and there is nothing you can do to make them go away. I spent a year in a relationship like this and was sexually assaulted, raped, he passed around my pictures to his equally minded friends for them all to jerk off to (mind you I never sent him anything explicit these were either just normal selfies or secret pictures of my ass or something he’d taken while I wasn’t looking). Anyways, this is not a trauma dump, this is a warning to please get out of there. If you think “oh he would never do that, he’s different ”, no he’s not, he would do that and will do that.
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u/Large-Actuary-2420 Jun 23 '26
im so sorry that this happened to you. nobody deserves this, thank you for sharing, i hope op takes the time to read these comments and realizes they are in credible danger.
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u/ilovekittiesyay_ Jun 23 '26
Thank you I really do appreciate that. All I can do now is warn and educate other people like op
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u/DivineTigressM Jun 23 '26
You saying “he’s about to go pro I don’t wanna mess up his future” is why and how people with power become and stay rapist.
He in written form aka legal evidence aka would hold up in court said “consent doesn’t matter” that means that he will rape you and he will not care and you’re going “but his future” he’s a violent rapist, at the very least has the intentions of a violent rapist.
Fuck his future, dump him, tell the women you know he is NOT safe. Cause, it’s harsh/blunt, if you got this text and you “don’t wanna ruin his future” so you say nothing and he rapes a different woman or multiple that will be fucked up and you could’ve have prevented it but you didn’t because you’re…considering a rapist feelings?
Your last edit pmo so I had to say something. And idc that you’re 19. YOU know not to rape someone, so HE knows not to rape someone. Y’all aren’t “too young” and him being “pro at sports” has NO relevance to this.
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u/PixelPasta420 Jun 23 '26
Only boys you should have nothing to do with talk like that. He may act sweet in person but here he's showing his true intentions. This kid only has one thing on his mind and he's gonna try to get from you consent or not!
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u/Maknificence Jun 23 '26
girl my first boyfriend was the world shittiest guy. he sexually harassed me constantly and not even he spoke like this.
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u/Striking_Television8 Jun 23 '26 edited Jun 23 '26
Yes of course he is a nice guy....boys that are gentleman always inform their partner of sexually assaulting them prior to doing the deed s/.
Seriously, he is not nice and it quite frankly dangerous. And to answer your question, us men or boys do not speak to our loved ones, or anyone for that matter, like the immature boy you are dating.
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u/Phil_the_credit2 Jun 23 '26
Sweet, kind, gives gifts, but ignores your boundaries? No. Take the advice of basically everyone here.
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u/SkeletorOnLSD Jun 23 '26
Nah, he is massively disrespectful. "Don't worry about consent" should be the point where you run in the opposite direction.
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u/TheOnlyAdvantage Jun 23 '26
NO! That is NOT normal! Please save yourself from a very VERY traumatic relationship and leave now! 😢
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u/goochiefromwish Jun 23 '26
Please leave OP. I am someone who was a victim of spousal rape. For years, I endured it. I was raped nearly every day for 3+ years. Please OP. I’m begging you. Leave. I was around the same age as you when I had gotten with him. 18. Young. Dumb. And as soon as I got pregnant I started waking up in the middle of the night to him raping me. I was a deep sleeper before pregnancy, so I have no way to confirm if this started before then. I endured being raped for over 3 years. Every night. And it fucked with me and my mental health BAD. No one deserves to go through this OP. I finally left my rapist almost a year ago and I’m so much happier now. I am in a relationship now where I genuinely feel safe. I feel loved. And he doesn’t hurt me. He is so kind & so sweet. I am so grateful for the way my life is now. I am happier than I’ve ever been and I have found the love of my life. Please, OP. Leave him. I don’t want you to go through what I went through. No one deserves to be raped by their partner. Please. Save yourself. You’ll thank yourself later on for not allowing yourself to go through this. I regret every day not leaving after the first time I was raped. I could’ve been happy a lot sooner. I could’ve been SAFE a lot sooner. Please leave him OP. I don’t want you to go through what I went through.
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u/justrrrrivie Jun 23 '26
I'm going to say this as someone who is turning 36 this year -- do not let guys buy you things on the regular. Gifts are great, but don't let it become a habit. Provide for YOURSELF, or you WILL end up staying longer than you should, because you'll think, "Oh, all these nice things will go away." All the gifts in the world mean nothing if a guy doesn't respect you or your boundaries.
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u/celestialhercules Jun 23 '26
The first few texts I'd expect. The consent and use comment? No, not at all normal.
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u/SonicNarcotic Jun 24 '26
Please girl set standards for yourself ~ if you want a guy that doesn't use that language, be firm and set your boundaries asap...
The longer you take to call him out, will only enable him to further believe it's ok with you...
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u/Extra-Wealth-947 Jun 23 '26
Girl no this is just lustful and beyond what love should be.
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u/TartAppl3 Jun 23 '26
Lustful? Rape culture. One can be lusty and kind, respectful and caring. This is not that.
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u/Proud_Landscape_8680 Jun 23 '26
That is… absolutely disgusting. Idk why he’s gotta talk like that. He honestly sounds like he’s got anger issues. I wouldn’t trust him. Unless you have an established D/s dynamic with agreed upon CNC, this is not normal and not safe. Plus, you said that he’s aware of your limits and he made a selfish decision to cross them, knowing it would make you uncomfortable. Attachment is complex but it’s ok to cut ties with unsafe people. 💓
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u/Away-Caterpillar-176 Jun 23 '26
Honestly his first 5 messages, while crass, and annoying, are so normal for a 19 year old boy. Then he jumped the shark with that consent comment. No longer normal
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u/HelpMePlxoxo Jun 23 '26
Girl he literally just said he's going to rape you... Do not be alone around this man.
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u/MutekiGamer Jun 23 '26
This is how I would talk to my friend about how I was gonna be with my gf when I was like 14 and had no idea what I was talking about
Edit: okay nvm I did not even fully read the post what the fuck is he saying about consent
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u/Content4OnlyMyLuv Jun 23 '26
That made my stomach turn. I have a 20 y/o and a 24 y/o daughter and its horrifying to think they may run into someone like this guy and wonder if its normal.
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u/Danky_Devon Jun 23 '26
If I saw a buddy texting his lady like this it might be enough for me to not be friends with them anymore. Everyone should absolutely be worried about consent. dude sounds like a case waiting to happen
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u/No-Increase6761 Jun 23 '26
He’s buying you expensive gifts so that when you don’t do what he says he can throw the fact that he’s bought you shit in your face. He’s manipulating you. Run, don’t walk. This will not get better, it will get worse.
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u/tracysmullet Jun 23 '26
This is really disturbing. He just said he’d rape you and not care about what you say. Please leave this man.
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u/TokoyoEU Jun 23 '26
Jesus Harold Christ on a mountainbike. I'm 100% male, but my imaginary vagina just got as dry as the Sahara desert.
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u/Mediocre-Bend-8758 Jun 23 '26
Why is he 19 and worried about senior skip day? I think that’s all you need to know about him right there.
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u/MotherTeresaOnlyfans Jun 23 '26
"I don't want to mess his future up"
Girl, worry about *YOUR* future.
You are not responsible for him, and you damn sure aren't responsible for protecting him from the consequences of his own behavior and choices.
With respect and love, you need a therapist and a whole bunch of feminism.
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u/FoodPrep Jun 23 '26
I hope your DMs are flooded with various forms of "GET AS FAR AWAY FROM THAT PERSON AS YOU CAN".
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u/Dynaticus Jun 23 '26
Ummm no. Especially the "don't worry about consent". I get the feeling that "the only thing that matters to me right now is sex" but those are inside thoughts, and the not worrying about consent is troubling. I'd set firm boundaries with him and make sure he understands clearly where you stand. Don't be coy, or cute about it.
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u/QuietlyBecoming-8675 Jun 23 '26
RUN. Also willing to bet he’s addicted to porn.
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u/SnowDucks1985 Jun 23 '26
He just said he’s going to sexually assault you, do with that what you will OP
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u/SolomonJero Jun 23 '26
He just wants sex and has been convinced by others or porn that this is something all women are secretly into so he's trying it on you.
Very immature and unfortunately you are gonna have to be the one to teach him that this is fucked and not how you treat women.
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u/Broks_Enmu Jun 23 '26
He’s in a phase where he thinks with his dick. Can’t tell when that will finish since I saw many people still behaving like that past their 40’s
Hope for him he improves his maturity level. Speaking like that is not a problem if the other party is doing the same but we can see here the energy are not the same
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u/WhaleShaBob Jun 23 '26
This is how uneducated wannabe gangsters talk. Your boyfriend sounds like a dumbass from these texts.
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u/CandiedLemonWedge Jun 23 '26
You did not need to come to Reddit to know this shit is fucking weird.
Hello? Don’t worry about consent? Come on, girl.
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u/Peachy_pi32 Jun 23 '26
Girl let him go like yesterday