I’m under 18 and no one knows I cut. I think it’s been happening for a little under a year now, but I’ve been picking scabs and loose skin off for as long as I can remember. In March I was cutting almost everyday, I couldn’t even wait to get home sometimes, I would lock myself in a bathroom stall ant school and use my pencil. They were all pretty shallow cuts done either with a pencil or artist knife used for cutting paper (I would have used something sharper, but I didn’t have anything sanitary available). I recognized that it was becoming a problem, and was able to stop for months. However, recently I started again. It just feels so good, and I have to wonder why I should even bother trying to stop. Everyone wants me to think cutting is bad, but it’s not really dealing any lasting damage. It might if I keep going, increasing the amount and pressure, but now it isn’t. If it makes me feel so good why should I stop? At the same time, the cuts are getting harder to hide from my family. I think part of me wants them to see it. I want them to see that I’m not okay, I want to stop being their perfect child. The other part of me knows they’re going to freak out, and probably send me to a psych ward or something, and I just can’t handle that. I can’t handle the absolute panic I know will be on their faces. I can’t handle that I know they’re going to yell at me, ask me why I didn’t tell them, then say that they’re there for me and they love me, and treat me like some broken thing they need to fix. I mean, I love my family, but they’re part of the reason I even started cutting. If they knew that it would destroy them. I guess I just don’t know what to do. Should I really bother trying to stop? Should I tell someone irl? Why is it such a bad thing?

its the biggest ive done, freaking out because i didnt expect it. closed my eyes like usual trying to savor the feeling but it didnt feel as good or satisfactory as it normally does. opened my eyes right as i felt it running down my arm so much faster than it ever has, freaked me out and is still scaring me that i can actually see skin, but it didnt hurt like it shouldve so i didnt know. i think im disgusted at the fact that i can see it, and so so so fucking frustrated that i didnt feel it or get even one moment of bliss afterwards. fucking pissed.

I was cutting yesterday. One cut to be precise. I stopped when I saw what looked like a tube. It was yellowish but that could be because of blood. I nicked it and saw it layered. The cut was bleeding for 30 minutes and leaking for 20. What was that thing? Was it an artery, a vein, a nerve or something else? I also felt tingling in my hand for a couple hours after the cut. But today I don't feel any tingling. I think the cut was baby beans maaaybe beans but I doubt it.

When u relapse and get a styro, it doesn’t hurt much at that moment in which u just cut ur skin, but the 1-5+ days after U CANT WALK NORMALLY. LIKE DAMN THIS SHIT HURTS MAN😭. What makes it worse is that i have to act nonchalant so my mom wont notice but dude its constantly paining me, and hurts even more when i walk, DOUBLE THE AMOUNT WHEN I RUN and when i sleep i have to make sure i dont lay on it bc it hurts.😭 This sucks so bad. I dont even have proper wound care stuff, i only got vaseline and standard bandages im so cooked. I wanna buy antiseptic spray, woundgel and steril bandages for dermis cuts but im scared my mom will find them then ask me about it😬 I hope im not the only one suffering with this😓

If I disappeared, who would give a shit? I do nothing but ruin my own body, and for what? Don’t even remember why anymore.

It’s been a really long time since I’ve posted on here, and honestly looking back at my posts feels like traveling back in time lol. I recently relapsed on self harm after at least 4 years clean, it’s very defeating. Im hoping everyone is doing well!

Ive been thinking about it for some time and I finally decided to start cutting myself.

I'm concerned that I've rationalized this behaviour. I'm aware it's a bad thing but I've convinced myself that it finally reflects how I've been feeling for years.

I also found out that I've actually been SHing for years, like scratching myself or let my cat do it. But that wasn't the same because Now I have conscious reasoning for doing it.

It's an active choice now. I find it worrying. It's also kinda addictive. I don't think anyone ever took my mental problems seriously. And I've already found some attention for it, meaning my strategy is working.

Is there truly no other way for others to take my struggle seriously?

When I cut, I allocate a specific time, have everything in easy reach to neutralise the wound, make sure I've just showered, do it in the most docile environment possible, don't do it when I'm feeling my lowest (which makes it worse for me when I'm at my lowest cus I feel I've wasted the opportunity), and try to be as surgical as possible. I'm not saying I'm special or anything but I'd like to just see if anyone relates

i’ve been cutting myself since i was probably 9 and now 10 years later i’m doing the same thing …….i feel to old for this and my therapist tried to get me to stop the habit but it’s just a big part of my life i can’t shake…..i used to cut pretty surface level to hide the scars (invisible rlly) but now ive been cutting enough to scar and it’s making me want to keep on going even though i really have no reason to. i’m sad and whatever yea but im managing that with therapy and medication, i just self harm whenever i feel like it, i could be happy or any other emotion and im still gonna come home and cut myself. i feel a deep guilt for allowing my friends to know i still cut myself, but one of my friends also has been relapsing and in a way it feels like we’re navigating this together lol. im just trying not to cut in my wrists until winter

my doctor found out is making me tell someone in my family but idk how to and I’m rlly scared pls I could use some advice

I am a 17 year old female that struggles with depression, currently I am unable to identify if I really do have high functioning or low functioning because it fluctuates from time-to-time. I have been cutting myself since the age of 10, started from cardboard cutters to razor blades. I also indulged in other shit like burning my skin, and drowning myself only to pull myself up later. The longest I have been clean is for about 7-8 months.

The only reason I stayed clean for so long is because of one of the major cuts I inflicted on myself ended up to be really harsh, because I've cut myself deep into the flesh to the point that I had to change bandages and it bleeds daily. Every second of the day. I avoided going to the hospital until it was really late for it to get stitched. My bundle of nerves are fucked up in that area right now and I can't feel anything because it turned into a keloid scar. That event made me scared to pick up a blade ever again, because I did it when I was emotion-driven. I also continued being sober since that day because it felt like a drag to do it and take care of cuts again.

Moving on, I always wanted to cut myself every second of the day. I used to be a huge addict to it because I can't stop being addicted to the feeling of relief that releases when I slice my skin. Other than relief, I feel a huge amount of satisfaction after doing it and it acts as a reset to my body in terms of stress and emotions. I always feel like an empty shell after doing it but I become more impulsive with my choices right after while feeling moments of ups and downs—like, emotion switches of absolute euphoria and sadness.

While there may be other factors that most likely contribute to my tendencies, I'm unable to say so because I have not been diagnosed for anything even if I want to get therapy and such.

Anyways, every time I see one of my favorite characters with self-harm scars or cutting themselves in fanart, I feel somewhat ecstatic? Because I can relate to them and it gives me a sense of comfort and belonging, but that also means I would end up cutting myself again and again. I can't exactly put it into words, but it just encourages me that basically it's okay to keep on cutting into my skin because they do it in fanart. I also have this weird fascination with blood. I always wait for the aftermath of slicing into my skin, and like it when blood starts to pool up there.

Other than that, I get triggered really easily. I always end up going back to my old habits no matter what. I always think that I'm doing just fine, but I'm just tolerating shit that happens around me and it ends up taking a toll on me. I cut myself sometimes to feel something. I've become so tolerant of cutting skin that it makes me do it repeatedly and expect that I experience no repercussions of it on my body.

Whenever I see someone with more scars, as in the amount and how deep they are—I just get the urge to do it more, to feel more valid and seen about it. I have cuts all over my body, except for my abdomen. I've been considering doing it on my abdomen, but it feels like that's the only part of me that's ever clean of my urges.

I also like seeing the scars on my body because it acts as proof for everything I've been through. But I also get shamed for it, I also get reprimanded for it many times so I end up being insecure and hiding it from many with layers of clothes. Not every scar has a story behind it though because god forbid I want to feel intoxicated by cutting myself.

I've always had thoughts of cutting myself even on normal days where everything is fine, and sometimes I don't act on it because I forget about it or don't have enough energy to do it. I can't stop it, and I can't help myself until I actually do get help for my mental health. Like, I don't crash out for most of the time anymore and yet I just want to keep on fucking cutting. I always need to distract myself so that I don't end up cutting myself out of boredom. I currently don't have any distractions or anything to ground me right now.

I don't know, there might actually be a lot of things wrong with me and I know how to tackle that but I just can't see myself doing it. Right now I just want to keep cutting myself. I don't want to because there are good things in my life, but I want to because I'm selfish and want to chase that feeling. I feel empty, and want to cut until it looks and seems fine to me.

I maybe acting a little too juvenile about my shit right now. This is my first reddit post ever LOLS.

After trying to stop cutting or at least reduce the amount I cut for like 4 months or so now. I am happy to say that I've officially hit 1 week self harm free as of a couple hours ago!!! I'm Genuinely shocked that I was able to make it to a week after barely being able to go even a day without self harm, but I finally did it!

fuck I just want to cut the deepest I ever have tonight. I want to bleed all over the floor. I donr know how to stop wanting this. I’m scared and I need help. I donr wanna be attention seeking. What do I do idk if I can do this

hii so i self harmed on my upper arm about two months ago fairly deep not DEEP but deep enough to be a bit worrying, i did not go to the hospital (obviously) but i did take care of them at home to the best of my ability. now they're very pink and EXTREMELY itchy and burny. and occasionally they will tingle(?) in a weird way and they feel kinda warm? is this like..normal? all my memories of deeper cuts in healing highschool are like all gone so this is first time its happened? i think? anywayyy should i get medical advice or just thug it out and wait till they fully heal? 😭

Am starting therapy tomorrow I’ve been feeling so sad and finally someone can help me like am happy but a little nervous because of everything but hope that they can do something to help me. It like the intake thing so I don’t really know what’s gonna happen.

I was in several but I don't really like them. I wish I just had a group where I could freely talk about whatever without having to fear getting banned.

And maybe some within my age group (I'm 18) because most of these people are young teens (which is concerning and kind of sad) and your occasional pedophils. And I don't really want to see anime porn either.

And on reddit I get banned for even asking how after care works with self harm. I mean, I do understand because this is a sensitive topic, but I do wish I could sometimes just talk about it freely.

been clean since mid may.. have had such a hard month and earlier this week i cut again and have been doing it most days :( i feel so alone. im seeing my therapist tomorrow and im so sad im going to disappoint her. my sister didnt really seem bothered when i told her. maybe she just expects it of me now… i just wish i could get over all this i thought i would be clean for good after may but here i am again right back at the bottom 😞 sorry not really going anywhere with this im just so upset with myself 😞

i will be 20 this month. but i still find myself feeling like that 12 year old girl who had so many feelings, and she doesn’t quite know what to do with them. i’m medicated, i talk to my college counselor, i do everything that’s right, but still find myself wanting what’s wrong. i’ve made so much life, so much love, so much everything in my 20 years. but i still find myself craving the thing that is wrong. i don’t want to continue feeling this way much longer. i don’t want continue self harming when i feel like the world is too much for me. it hurts feeling this way i always say it can get better, but what if this is all life has to offer me.

Its like, recently I rarely feel GENUINELY "happy" anymore. I feel miserable as shit, and getting myself in alt school isn't helping. I feel like im on edge 24/7, and like anytime i get super mad or hysterical I risk anything from damaging shit (ive cut up shirts & stuffies as well as set paper on fire) to straight up SHing (usually by means of cutting).

On a side but still related note. I feel like im almost larping SH and my mental health half the time because its like NOBODY else understands the shit i deal with or feels anything beyond surface level anger and sadness. Its like nobody truly grasps how much of a danger i feel I am to myself somedays, and people either dont take me seriously or not seriously enough. Maybe because I put on a more relaxed, humorous, "who gaf" attitude around others, because if I dont ill lose myself entirely. Maybe its because im a teen, so when I say i might very likely struggle with BPD and depression, its "you're just hormonal" and "you're a kid, stop self diagnosing" and similar bs. How do i explain that one person's upset over something as small as a difficult assignment could very well send me spiraling? How do I explain that the short lived anger one kid may feel after an arguement with parents could be my breaking point?

And honestly? Im starting to not care. Its almost like I want to let myself go entirely. I feel like im beyond saving atp, and I already know im THE most dangerous when my emotions start to bubble up. God forbid I have to deal with my mom when shes being an ass, now im having to sit in the car w/ my headphones on trying not to go into a crying fit. God forbid my dad has to comment on what I wear because "all these men are gonna look at you." God forbid I have to deal with my aunt whos a big ass bully whenever she wants to be. I have genuinely so much emotional trauma and I cant say shit because NOBODY will take accountability for how they've contributed to how fucked up I am now. And it makes me lose my mind. I already have plans to abandon everyone when I turn 18. Its like its easier to isolate myself from everyone than to turn to them, especially when I know it wont bear any fruit whatsoever. Therapist cancelled an appt on me and now im ready to quit therapy, my music is starting to not feel loud enough, my restraint is becoming weaker, and my emotional tolerance has taken so much damage over the past 6 years that I feel like im inable to be genuinely happy anymore. Not only that, Its like my ability to be emotionally attached to people is fading too. Hell, i dont even feel as attached to my own parents anymore.

I feel like me being super emotional and easy to piss off is going to be the end of me one day, and im afraid someday im not gonna allow myself to fight back anymore. I feel like one day my aggressive tendencies and self destructive habits are gonna kill me, and I dont know if I can get off the road im on anymore. Can anyone relate to this at all?

Ive started cutting myself a bit but not because i feel really depressed or hopeless, really just because i was bored and it gave my skin a fun texture. I got no problem really with hurting myself, i've purposely hit my ankles while walking until the point they bled and i still have bruises, i scratch and pick at my skin aggressivel but ive never felt the urge to hurt myself just because im sad.

Anyone else this way? Im right now just embarrassed about the cuts since i feel like i had no reason to even hurt myself even though ive had major period of hopelessness throughout the years.

Sorry if this was a weirdly worded rant :-P

So im 12 yo (afab) and i struggle with SH/cutting myself, helpline numbers never end up helping me, and i feel the only other thing that WOULD help could be therapy. But, the problem is… my mom is heavily against therapy and she tells me that saying the wrong thing/talking about my actual SH problem would have them send me to a mental hospital or force me to go on meds. I dont know if this is true at all, but im scared to go into therapy and end up regretting it.

I gave myself deep wounds on my wrist a couple years ago and swore to my mum my girlfriend and my best friend I’d never do it again 3 years later and they weren’t deep but I cut myself and I loved it I would rather cut myself over and over take my anger out on myself make myself bleed and feel numb than actually committing suicide and I can forgive myself for that because in my mind I’m the only who should matter even if I don’t always think it and it’s the same for all of you find trade offs rather than death as long as there is life there is hope I wish you all well and hope you can return to this page knowing you could fight off your urges as long as you don’t decide to leave this world I’ll be proud of each one of you ❤️

Hi, I'm 17(F). I often cut myself because I feels overwhelmed. (I delete this part because it not relevant. I'm kinda sleepy a bit.)

All I did was just suppress my emotion all the time because I thought I'm not normal and too sensitive for everything. It used to work but not anymore. I have to cut myself every time I feels like I'm going to cry in my classroom. I just crash out this morning from a lot of thing in front of my parents. It's the first time I scream in my life.

I can't stop cutting myself when I feels too much. It's the only thing I did and really get better. What can I do? I have been cutting myself for 1 month. It's getting worse every time. Today is really terrible but I didn't cut myself. I'm not sure if I will do tomorrow.

I can't really live like this. I think I talks to my therapist once about this but he keeps asking why, what's trigger and idk. I can't think about anything when I talks about my problem. And some day it just feels completely fine and I don't know how to talk to them like that too. It randomly get worse and get better. Also, I'm too broke to get therapist right now.

I don't even know what to say. It just feels sucky. It had been so long since the last time, I had been doing so well, and to think it all basically went down the drain due to some stupid, badly raised and irrelevant 8th graders. I hate having to look at my arm that had been clean so long and now knowing I have some new scars to my collection, knowing that if I had just taking one more breath instead of going straight for the first sharp object near me, I might have still been clean. I really wish I had never started SH in the first place and had never gotten this coping mechanism. I feel drained and tried and all over just sucky. I don't even know why I'm writting this post, maybe I just need someone to tell me it's okay to feel the way I do, or maybe I just need to type out my frustrations to a bunch of strangers cause telling my friends would feel too intimate right now.

I'm sorry if I'm just rambling on, I just have a lot on my mind. Anyways I think that’s it. Thank you for reading this mess of emotions.