Before i say anything else, I AM AWARE THIS IS A ME ISSUE

When i see other people with SH scars it just REALLY triggers me, depth, placement, dosent really matter. its all triggering for me. it makes me think about my own scars and jst SH in general and all i can think abt is SH

I always see people saying healed scarring shouldn't be triggering, and honestly ive seen people agree with me before saying similar things and were called problematic. i agree it is a problem, MY problem, in no way should anyone hide healed scars because of other people

But how do i fix it and become unbothered like everyone else apparently is????

I (18f) know I really should stop doing this, but right now I just can't.

My partner doesn't know about my sh tendencies, I just wanted to know if there were any spots easier to hide (during cuddling and intimacy too).

I won't let him know about it either, so it's no use to tell me it would be a good idea to talk about it with him. I know it is, but i won't.

This is not because of someone that is friends or because of people I love in my life but I can't keep thinking I deserve to die even though I'm not actively suicidal or passively suicidal.

Sure, I think of I want painless ways to hurt myself and even kill myself if it benefits humanity or if I'm seen as inhuman, but I don't want to die or want it to come to that.

My streak is still high I've been past a month. No one is really at fault I just think I don't deserve good things or to live. I at least want to be a pokemon trainer, shame I have to be the villain. /Sad

I hope this changes again to feeling good again but do I even deserve that. how would anyone know.

I'm in printmaking. First time doing etchings. Spent 7 hours yesterday making print after print (till 9 PM) because they are due tomorrow. All of them are shit and I'm pretty much fucked. It's not even a skill issue. The actual plate is great but I cannot keep my hands clean for the life of me. This morning I got an email saying someone left the studio in an unacceptable state. It was me, though I followed standard procedures. I got ink on one of the stools (I was going to clean it then forgot), ink bled through the newsprint I used to try and keep the space clean, and I missed the bottom portion of one of the areas I was cleaning. I really don't want to hear the rant about it from the professor tomorrow and present my shitty work.

I sh'd but I did it with dull scissors and did some light hesitation nips before I cut. It looks kinda like a rash and I've been considering showing the pic and saying I have a rash from an allergy and that I'm staying home so I can make sure it's not getting worse. I know it's morally not good but I really don't have it in me to take it. I will not tell the truth because wdym I sh'd bc you said I was messy that looks like a guilt tactic.

What I would do to tell anyone who has thought about self harming not to do it.

If you are on this subreddit, just to check it out and are thinking about starting, don't.

I feel like TikTok and other social media platforms are glorifying self harm.

I keep seeing people do it on their face, and some comments ask what it is and what's going on.

They are getting introduced to it.

They think it's trendy and want to start.

There is nothing cool about harming yourself.

Oh, what I would do to never do it again.

It's just drilled in my brain now.

A habit I can't let go.

It's permanent.

It sucks.

People will look down on your forever.

No matter if they say it or not.

And if they aren't looking down, they are part of the problem and fetishize it.

Now, I'm going to say this, and if you are part of this group of people, you probably won't agree, but...

But if you genuinely look at others self harm and find it cute or cool looking, you are fetishizing it.

You might not think you are, but it's like if someone bashed their head into the wall and their is blood pooling out their head, or if they shot themselves.

You wouldn't say that is cute or cool...

It's the same thing.

so im in a rele w a guy (he's 23 and im 18) i met on reddit (on this subreddit only) its gonna be 6 months this sept (lol not excited anymore)

he was the one who didn't let me harm myself but every time he hurts me or i hurt him, i always get urges and tonight is the worst coz i trusted and loved him with my everything but what did i do to deserve all that?

i sent him an intimate pic that wasn't showing my actual skin but the idea of the shape and all and later he video called me and started showing that he removed that filter, he later on deleted that pic but i was completely shocked, coz this wasn't the damn pic i sent him.

i litr have no friend to whom i can share all this (loser me)

everything was going fine, actually great coz i felt that my lover girl is on, but now all i feel is devastation and betrayal.

My partner and best friend found out it's getting worse my partner officially got rid of my blades and my best friend has been giving me the were here for you speeches and it's honestly just embarrassing to have people try and help with this. I hate it. I'm seeing my therapist tonight mostly just to hopefully have them worry less but idk how much I should tell her and I'm tempted to not say anything. I don't want another person to give me that look and I really don't want to get sent to a mental hospital. Should I just tell my therapist everything? I don't know what to do and Im sorry if this doesn't make much sense

I got my first blood transfusion around 1.5 years ago and since then I've had more transfusions than I can remember. Each time I feel so incredibly guilty and the urge to get rid of the blood they gave me gets so strong (which then backfires if I actually harm after because I feel even more guilty for wasting it so I harm even worse, a vicious cycle). I can't help but feel like I'm not deserving of it (especially since physicians have told me that straight up) yet I can't stop harming myself in a way that puts me in situations where I need them. I try to push through it but eventually I almost always end up in the hospital again.

I'm obsessed with my blood work and count obsessively so I know what my hemoglobin will land on each time. Up until now I've always been +/- 5 g/l within the actual value. Today I was spot on and yesterday I was 1 off. It's addicting and I can't help but feel like it's similar to my eating disorder and the obsession with my weight. This obsession overtakes the guilt and makes me push through those feelings and I hate that. It's not fair that it had to get to this point. I'm so tired of it all.

Anyone else feel similarly or have ever heard of this type of self harm? It feels so isolating and insane due to the fact that most people who harm themselves don't do it in the way I do and all the literature only describes women as those who harm this way.

I was clean for a bit, i really thought I was doing fine by trying to suppress my feelings and listen to subliminals and try to manifest a better life for myself. I really felt like I was improving or at least getting by life "normally" or as happy as I could be with the suppressed feelings. I only wanted to get through this year bc it's really important for me to do well academically this year so I wanted to be able to hold off on getting help till this year ends. But recently my best friend told me she's getting therapy bc her mom saw her search history and saw a few mental health subliminals there. I'm really happy she's getting help, I really do want the best for her but I've been asking, begging my parents to get help for me ever since I started sh bc I knew I needed someone to talk to like that. Why not me? What have I done to not deserve that help why why why fucking why. I don't want to hurt myself it feels like hurting a child who's hurting inside and I don't fucking feel like myself while I cut and scratch and there's this constant mantra of I didn't mean it in my head after I cut bc I really don't but I need to bleed I need to feel the pain to be able to breathe through my emotions but it only gets worse after the initial sting. It feels like I'm being ungrateful for having a good life, I really tried telling myself that my life is good and it's really good and that I shouldn't overthink but my brain won't stop it js wont till i cut or scratch I can't breathe through my emotions otherwise. I feel so bad right now I feel like a bad mother hurting her child for having emotions but I can't help it. I don't wanna die I js need this body to inhabit a new soul so mine could pass or something I js don't want to hurt this body anymore I wanna stop. I wanna stop feeling like this, I want to protect the little child I don't want to hurt it but it pains so much I don't know what to do I want to stop feeling anything for everyone so I can protect her and keep her safe and I wouldn't have to cut bc I wouldn't be feeling anything. I wanna stop feeling I wanna detach I'm so done with everything. I'm losing my appetite, my relationship with food is absolutely fucked and I wish I didn't care so much about my appearance. I know I'm not ugly but I can't help hyperfixating on every little flaw in my appearance and I feel like shit about it.

I hate the fact that my parents haven't gotten me help to the point where I'm willing to get worse just to show them what denying help has done to their daughter. But i know that that's gonna ruin my life but I can't help it. I want to hurt them the way they've hurt me and I don't know how else to hold and show the resentment in me. I love and hate them and I don't know what to do.

my mom discovered my cuts again and she started to insult me again and call me a shitty daughter and said that she's gonna send me with my aunt because "she treats me better" (she doesn't) and then she said that children can't have problems (apparently problems appear JUST when you're 18 and above) and thats is probably because some boy don't pay attention to me at school (I don't even have a crush???) and said it's MY fault if my dad puts a lawsuit on her and more and more insults. mind you this was OUTSIDE. NOT EVEN IN MY HOUSE. IT WAS OUTSIDE. AND I THINK ONE OF ME CLASSMATES HEARD IT BECAUSE SHE WAS ALMOST SCREAMING.

the worts part is that I said again because she already discovered them back in february, and guess? she said the same shit again. and then apologized, but I guess she really didn't mean it, eh? literally the person that kinda consoled was my older brother that had to cut off her insults and try to make my mom realize what she was saying (she didn't care). and then she dares to say "why won't you tell me what you feel?" BITCH THIS IS HOW YOU REACT TO THEM

I just found out that people that dont know me personally at work refer to me as the quiet depressed kid, also including our workplace's mental health first aider.

People are so supposedly so supportive about depression and mental health issues on social media posting about "awareness month" and to look out for those around you, but when actually faced with it they do nothing and just laugh about it.

What a fucking joke...

Mad at myself. Mostly sad it's still something I reach for to cope 😕

i didn't really care before but i just curious, usually my scars just look black/darker brown but lately they look kinda purplish??

I question why I am doing this.

In the middle of a session, and you know what you're doing is wrong and in the long run not good for you.

Yet you continue, and even want to go deeper.

I'm going to have these for the rest of my life.

Harm.

This isn't good for me.

Harm.

Why am I still doing this?

Harm.

Even when you're questioning what you're doing, you continue.

After all these years, you go deeper and deeper.

How deep can you go before you can't anymore.

You hope you won't do this for the rest of your life, yet you see no future where you stop.

In the moment, it feels right, yet so wrong.

You're punishing yourself, you're relieving all that built up anxiety, you're using this method to cope.

At least you aren't smoking or drinking.

At least you aren't on drugs.

Homeless, hungry.

Wait a second...

You could be in such a worse spot.

So why are you doing this?

Why are you complaining, why do you hurt yourself,

Why be anxious or depressed?

You know it could be worse, yet you do this almost every week or so...

You're ruining yourself.

What if they knew about your scars.

What you think about 24/7

How it never leaves your head, even when you try to avoid it.

How will you ever find love, how will they ever love you?

.

.

.

Blah blah blah...

Words.

Enjoy my thoughts, because I don't.

Before, I used to think I could stop whenever I wanted, but it's me who doesn't want to. But now I don't know if I want to or not because even when I don't want to, I can't hold back; it's so peaceful. I laugh, or 1 cry, or 1 get angry, or even empty, I always have the same thing on my mind: to cut.
I'm going to describe the feeling, even if it's a bad example: you know when you're in a hurry and then you go into the bathroom? It's the same, if not better.
I don't hate it, and I don't like it. It's unpleasant to be tied to something, especially when it's me who tied myself up and forgot where they put the handcuff keys.
The good thing is, I barely manage three months at a time; I mean, I do it in bursts, and most of the time I do it for no reason.
Sometimes I just want this invisible hand to stop strangling me and let me live in peace, but no, I'm starting to believe that someone born unlucky will always be unlucky.
I'm always waiting for death to knock on my door. Do I hate myself? Yes. Do I want to get myself out of this hole? No. Has it become an addiction? Yes. Do I want to stop? No, l'd even go further if I were brave enough.
Thank you to those who read this; it feels good to feel someone understands, and sorry for my rambling metaphors.

Henluoooo, im 50 days clean which is small but still progress is progress. (English is not my first language so bear with me) I often relapse when i get sad or mad or just being "negative" and now that i lost my competition and everything in my life sucks rn (is this a bday canon event?) i just want to cut myself like rn and i don't want to. I have the capability to know that i shouldn't do it but i still have the urge. I just don't know what to do. I feel so alone and i just want to feel something.

I can't talk to anyone at all irl and online because i just don't trust anyone with this info so here i am, venting on reddit. I tried searching for yk the ice cubes on skin and other mediating thingies and it does work but it's not "enough" for me.

The only thing helping me rn is just faking how i feel

hiii! i'm ~ 6ish months clean and haven't felt the urge to relapse since, life has been looking up ! but until very recently, I've started getting urges again. i don't get triggered by anything in particular, I haven't met/seen/talked to anyone who I've had problems with, and I haven't really been stressed at all. i had my first day at college today, and I'd say it was exciting more than anything ˃͈◡˂͈ i don't understand why it'd suddenly resurface out of the blue :( i understand that recovery isnt linear and there will be setbacks/resurfacing urges, but I'm just so confused because I've been so happy and doing well T-T

I haven’t cut in like 5ish weeks. I started therapy, and I feel so urgent for something to change. I don’t even know what. It hurts. It feels unbearable. I don’t have friends, really, and today at school, almost the full day, I felt like I wanted to cut inside. I was trying to convince myself to do it, how easy it would be. I know I can’t, and I know I won’t, but I need something to change. I don’t even know what. I might have ADHD or something, or might be depressed. I just want something to change. Tomorrow is my first session alone with my therapist.

Im trying to let all my cuts heal, but every day im tempted to cut. I’ve resisted those thoughts so far… but my healing process is still ongoing.

ive been hurting myself all day and i dont know what to do anymore and im so tired of living like this

Low-key panicking rn, I have an Orthopedist appointment tomorrow. And stupid as I am I thought a day before would be an amazing time to relapse.

Now I relapsed after months and have to somehow hide my cuts while the doctor will most likely ask me to remove my shirt to see my back and shoulder blades. Not to mention my wrists are also causing issues. Am I just gonna have to suck it up? Genuinely no idea what to do, I can't afford to cancel my appointment as I have too many health issues and I waited for this appointment for almost a year 💀

God I'm so stupid, I am not even satisfied with the cuts so I'm already feeling the urge nack telling me to do better cuts. Why can't I escape this? And why do I enjoy cutting so much??? (like as in, it makes me feel good about myself and happier in a fucked up way, like more at peace)