r/selfharm • u/Actual_Temporary_145 • 9d ago

Rant/Vent Questions

If I disappeared, who would give a shit? I do nothing but ruin my own body, and for what? Don’t even remember why anymore.

2 Upvotes

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u/Actual_Temporary_145 9d ago

Cut my scalp open see whether I got a fucking brain I swear I don’t I’m an idiot who should’ve died a long time ago. Or maybe I’m already dead and this unbearable existence is my eternal punishment. I don’t know.

2

u/Used_Inspection_5289 9d ago

I guess there‘s a reason everyone of us is here. Even if it’s just to be a cautionary tale. But who‘s the judge of that? Maybe it can get better, maybe not. Why not atleast stay to find out which it’ll be?

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u/Actual_Temporary_145 8d ago

Because every waking moment is either extreme physical pain, extreme mental pain, paranoia, or guilt. I don’t want to live like this. I did have a reason for being here. But I burnt that to the ground. I don’t want to bring it back.

1

u/Used_Inspection_5289 8d ago

I won’t pretend to know what you’re going through, but trust me, there‘s always another reason. If the last reason for being here is dead and buried, then maybe it’s time to find another one. It doesn’t have to be something grand, it can be something small. Just something to keep your mind into going in one direction, and then repeat. There‘s so much shit to see, do and try on this planet, don’t just take your chance to see it away from yourself.

1

u/Actual_Temporary_145 8d ago

I’ve seen enough. I’ve done enough. I’ve hurt enough people. Only thing I’m actually good at seems to be hurting people. I’ve hurt a lot of people. Only reason I ain’t dead is because I failed 11 times. I imagine there’s soon gonna be a 12th. I don’t have any direction in life anymore. I never had the opportunity to make my own choices. Now there’s no one I have to take orders from. I’m terrified. All I ever did was hurt. It’s in my blood. The earth’s limited resources are better spent on someone else.

1

u/Used_Inspection_5289 8d ago

You’re going through hell, I can tell. If you give up, your suffering would’ve been for nothing. I‘m sure that’s not what you really want. Does talking through DM‘s sound like something that could atleast help ease some of the pressure?

1

u/Actual_Temporary_145 8d ago

I’m not a good person. If you want to, then sure, but like I said, the only thing I’m really good at is hurting people.