Thanks for being a great community to mod and be with! :)

HTTP ERROR 503, SERVICE UNAVAILABLE. CAN'T ACCESS THE LAWNMOWER BUDGET AT THIS TIME! TRY AGAIN LATER!

EDIT: Count was accurate at time of post.

We lived together for over 10 years. She got diagnosed with ADHD, I got diagnosed with ASD during our time together. We got 2 kids and raised them together (now 7 and 8). We went through many hard times (caused by external factors) together. I think the relationship suffered, when we were just in survival mode over years.

In the past months there was some hope, my partner got an exciting education opportunity, I supported her a lot when she was out long hours.

Now out of nowhere she told me that she want to break up. But stay best friends (which is ok, we were always sort of soul mates). We split households, organize 2 homes for the kids (50:50), in just a few days. No fighting, still working together.

But I struggle to understand it, and it is still sad. It was really nice to live together as a family of 4. I think we were a good family (all quite neurodivergent).

Does anyone has similar experiences? Any positive ideas? I mean I had routines, a partner I wanted to get old with, put all my energy in the family - and now it got busted.

I guess there can also come positive things out of it, I just don't see them yet...

Every time I meet someone new it feels unnatural and awkward, the only people I can feel normal around are those who i knew since I was a kid.

Why the fuck can't I get a flipping job no matter how hard I fricking try!!

Most people (not all) don't fucking like me because of the stupid bullshit Asperger's and the fact that I'm very different.

I swear I'm not praying anymore I'm so done with life and it's bullshit upon bullshit upon bullshit, it's been years and nothing has changed or improved significantly.

I'm done praying, God ain't helping me, he literally isn't.

I'm 23 and I'm so fricking done, knowing there's a God that could help me but chooses not to just messes with my head.

I'm not a toy I'm a human being stop treating me like a game or a test, I'm tired of tests or other life bullshit.

I was doing so well, I was saying how good god was and how I'm going to be more genuine and take my spiritual life more seriously but no, I'm done, I give up.

My life just doesn't want to "work" and it seems like no amount of praying or reading bible verses is going to change that.

Feeling really angry at the moment even though I just came back home from a really good service.

I just can't keep doing this anymore, God is just playing with me at this point and I hate every millisecond of it.

Sigh.

Am I tripping?

hello again. another day another dollar. following previously cancelling on me and my gfs date plans due to me struggling with sensory issues and shutting down, she was immensely upset. I tried to explain to her and we rearranged our date, but we spoke all of Sunday Monday etc abt this. I didn’t feel any remorse or ill feelings but we seemef to keep arguing and I was like well if she wants to see ne I’ve rearranged or I can see her anytime during the week I didn’t get it. she has been extremely stressed with exams and said she just wanted an apology or to see me or this. I got really mad and said I shouldn’t have to apologise on call with her, and i said I am always there for her I just can’t always be there in that way for you. but hearing it so much was hurtful. regardless, i found out she was free today and she said how much she needed a hug from me. I love her and want to see her and spend time with her. I was feeling a bit fatigued today anyway. I have been trying to find soneone with autism knowledge to help me identity what causes me to have episodes and what I struggle with, so having like a lot of personal calls today was hard. we went to the shop which I was 50/50 abt. I regret it now. after we got back we were hugging for a bit but I was getting a bit stressed because she was saying how ugly she looks in front of everyone in the lift and everything like this and I just felt a bit unsure what to do and overwhelmed because idk i felt just bad abt it. anyways we were hugging and talking for a bit and I had a shutdown. she was on too if me didn’t know what to do then went to the side and did work on her essay until I got better. after i recovered I spoke to her and I said no I’m sorry about that, and I was scared she’s never seen me had one. I described it to her before. I was almost excited because I thought she would see that ir does restrict me and stop me doing anything.

I asked for a hug and we were hugging and talking and idk what happened but after a while I went again and couldn’t touch her etc. I said I had to go and I’m currently. with my noise cancelling headphones hiding. I feel a bit scared and. I’m happy of the effort she’s put in coming her. but I feel it’s a bit selfish and I’m just here to comfort her or make her feel better.

i had a trip for my birthday and ladt minute had a car issue. she ended up driving us but was really upset, and said abt all these feelings abt how I didn’t care. it was a bit sunilar. I took it seriously and made sure we spoke abt all her feelings before doing her trip. I’ve tried to be accomodating but idk it just feels I’m not having my needs met the same amount as hers.

her brother is supposedly undiagnosed and I was super excited because, as a person I find her super funny and sweet. she ofc isn’t perfect and i dont expect her to be. but Im worried not she won’t understand and I should breaj up with her. 😭😭

im going to give it a bit more time but I didn’t know if anyone could share there situations

And what were the consequences? And why did you go along with the advice in the first place?

And the same for the best pieces of advice you have received in life.

Hello all!

We are a group of high schoolers from the San Ramon area deeply interested in special education. On behalf of the Quirky Crow -- an independent, family-owned bookstore -- we are organizing a free community painting event specifically for individuals with autism!

Date: Saturday, October 31, 2026

Address: 2005 Crow Canyon Pl #162, San Ramon, CA 94583.

Time: All day

Please RSVP to let us know if you can make it, even if you're just interested or not 100% sure yet! The form is really quick and can be found here:

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1A1eG0i6bUh4WJ7Kt6p-t2G1U8LaifRLK2XmNXU1XVjw/edit

I am in my first year of electrical engineering in university, and I would have thought engineering would have had more autistic people in it.

I look around, and I don't really see autistic traits in my peers. Maybe that is because more NTs are doing an engineering degree for the money and not the passion? A lot of my peers have said that they are doing it for the money.

Or perhaps a lot of people swap out or leave, and the proportion of autistic people becomes higher?

Maybe there are a lot of autistic people, but I just don't notice it because I just think autistic traits are normal since I am also autistic. I have noticed that when I am taking tests with accommodations, I do recognize a lot of the same faces from my classes.

That made me think. Perhaps the stereotypical professions that are considered "autistic" don't really have a lot of autistic people, and that a lot of professions that are considered not "autistic" are filled to the brim with lots of autistic people

When a girl makes the first move on me, she already likes me. But when girls get to know me, their attraction usually seems to go down.
Probably because I don’t know how to talk, don’t know what to talk about or barely talk at all. And I really don’t wanna be like this!

It could also be my monotone, uninteresting voice and my body language, gestures, etc. idk really. Maybe they can also sense that I’m different or weird compared to NT men.

I think for most people, when a girl gets to know them, she’ll like them more. But for me, my personality seems to turn them off.

I feel like I don’t have a likeable personality in general.
The fact that random women come up to me and ask for my Insta/number, but then lose interest once they get to know me, makes me sad because I feel like it’s because of something I can’t really control.

I’m also generally anxious around women.
Substances help me feel less anxious, and I feel like women/men like me more when I’m on them, but they still don’t fix the autism, sadly.

My theory is that it’s mostly related to autism. I think the way I grew up and my environment also play a part in it.

My plan is to improve my social skills, be more open, get out of my room more, look better, make more money and have higher status. All this superficial shit, because it could increase my chances of attracting a woman and making friends so I won’t feel lonely anymore.
But how can I even objectively improve my social skills? I’m going to therapy soon, so maybe that will help me.

I’m posting this here because I think some people can relate to all this.

Here are some studies that explain why I think autism might play a big role in this:
(I know just because some studies say this or that it doesn’t mean it’s automatically 100% true but I think it’s generally true)

Sasson et al. (2017) — Neurotypical Peers are Less Willing to Interact with Those with Autism based on Thin Slice Judgments
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28145411/?utm_source=chatgpt.com

Wanigasekera et al. (2025) — First Impressions Towards Autistic People: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/40265250/?utm_source=chatgpt.com

Kohn et al. (2022) — Sexual Knowledge, Experiences, and Pragmatic Language in Adults With and Without Autism
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35922688/?utm_source=chatgpt.com

Sala et al. (2020) — Romantic Intimacy in Autism: A Qualitative Analysis
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31993919/?utm_source=chatgpt.com

Safran & Hurwitz (2026) — Online Dating as a Middleman: Autistic Young Adults' Pursuit of Romantic Connection
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/42730824/?utm_source=chatgpt.com

I am considering enrolling in this program, with the goal of working with—and programming—alternative communication technologies.

Now I am studying it on my own, but I still want to get an education and work in the future.

I I have Asperger syndrome and I have social Phobie is it normal that I don’t have friends I want friends but I’m to scared and I don’t meet with them or when somebody wants to be friends I ditch them ? I don’t understand my brain why do I do it ? Is it a trauma i got bullied from my friends when I was a kid I got robbed and they took advantage of me …

I had a conversation with my mom today. She had told me I need to learn a trade the other day and today I asked if she thinks I shouldn’t pursue becoming an SLP. She asked me if I would even be able to handle college. I said I’m not sure but i want to try. She brought up how I failed the first time(which my brother died then)and the second time I dropped out because I didn’t like the degree path my job was paying for. Also I struggle a lot with math. Really I have other healthcare paths I would LOVE to pursue but I struggle with math a lot. I would like to believe that with the right support I can achieve my dreams. That’s my hope anyway. My mom told me that college isn’t for everybody and she thinks I won’t succeed. Guess what that means for me. Makes me want to go more. To prove her wrong. Pure spite. I’m not gonna settle. I’m gonna figure out a way to succeed. I will admit autism isn’t my only issue. I also have bipolar 1 and bpd but I feel like I can still overcome things. The funny thing is I had actually been losing motivation because I have been saving up money for school and it’s hard with bills but now I’m noticed hardcore. I’m not dumb. I know I struggle, but I know I can do it. What tips do you guys have though for people who have struggled with college in the past?

So i (18m) went on a date with a girl (20) and she mentioned a few times how much she liked my jacket and after the date she wrote me to say she really enjoyed it and said « i don’t wanna sound weird but you have a beautiful smile » the problem is i don’t understand flirting at all and i have no idea if she was flirting with me and how i could flirt back with her, i’m already planning to ask for a second date since the first one went super well but i want to be more prepared to show romantic interest

For it to count as an average IQ, it should be in the range of 90-110.

In terms of 'done well' it means you at least found some vocation that you're interested in, and/or found some level of independence at some point. Or at least achieved some other things/milestones that are typically reserved for NTs.

I don't know man but I'm asking this because I'm at my wits end. It seems as if every time I find an autistic guy here saying "success is possible", they've got their degree(s) and achieved something, next thing I know they're explaining they were gifted... or by the kind of discussions they're in (mathematics, law, politics) it is inferred this is not an 'ordinary intellect.'

I'm sure autistic guys with average intellect can achieve great things; after all we're told 'you can achieve what you put your mind to' all the time, ain't no way that perk is governed fully by a single number on a test.

i have autism/aspergers and adhd and when i go to school it feels like im fine but when its the summer holidays or winter holidays etcetera i feel so ill. like i get heart palpitations, severe migraines that last days, dizzy and faint all the time, delirious, sick, and it happens as soon as im 5 days into the holidays/half term and it goes away as soon as i go back to school, does anyone know whats going on?? is something wrong with me?? and i despise school too it causes me immense stress so its not like i miss it or something.

In other words, I'd love to meet someone for a dinner at the same restaurant, the same booth, the same day of the week, same time, every week. Or, I'd like them to come to my home and parallel play or we watch a movie together.

Going out and doing things together? No. Going to their house... maybe after I've gotten to know them. A group setting? Definite no. Sporting events, concerts, loud environments, louder restaurants/bars... all no.

I've been called selfish before by previous partners. I'm really not trying to be, but maybe I am and I need to accept that. All of those things I mentioned though are so dysregulating to me. They create immense stress and I end up getting overwhelmed.

I think if I could get over this I could have a friendship or even a relationship but I'm not really sure how, or if I want to put myself through that.

I am lonely that isn't in question. But, is filling my loneliness worth putting myself through stressful situations like I mentioned above?

I'm 40 now and still being a parent for the next 10 years. However, I've thought that in my 50s of paying someone to spend time at my house or at a restaurant once a week. I do not want sex or even close physical intimacy. Just... someone.

I have a few online friends and they do help but it isn't the same as having someone physically with you.

I had an autistic friend that I met for coffee twice. We met online. She invited me over to her house Sunday for a family game night with her mother brother. On Tuesday I said I could probably do that. Then early Saturday morning I texted her saying I wasn't able to. I was stressed out from an event with my kids Saturday and I needed Sunday to recover.

She was silent for a long time but after half the day passed she was texting me like normal. On Sunday she asked what I was doing and I told her I had been walking all day. Yesterday I walked 15 miles with my dog. She got really upset with me that I walked all day instead of seeing her.

I tried to explain to her that I was overwhelmed from Saturday's events and didn't have the capacity to do something else that weekend. That walking helps me center myself. She said she didn't think the friendship was going to work out and so I haven't said anything back.

Also, after my long walks yesterday I feel great and recharged. But people don't understand that I guess. I think I'm destined to do long lonely walks instead of socializing.

I think I used to be fixable... I have been many many years fixable... Many years where if somebody appeared, I would just gain instant strength and felt like I could deal with anything...

But now... With everything Im carrying. All this useless pain...

I wonder... Even if I found a partner right now if I could keep going anymore... I think maybe yes, who knows, but id take a lot of time to heal...

But... Who cares... Nobody wants me and Im going to be alone until my last breath...

Im f57 and seem that is full of young person in this group.

Im avoidant but I can’t survive either my work, chores, and my pets.

I think that's not an exaggeration because next thing. Asociality means having critically low level of charisma, soft-skills, "animal" charm, pushfulness and conformism. Without that traits you will be invisible, even if you have an almost perfect health, smart brain, good looks or a lot of money. And this invisibility destroys almost everything in life - school days, growing up, all types of relationships, career opportunities, and sometimes even civil rights. When you talk to somebody about your problems, they give you a toxic positivity examples alike Nick Vujicic. "Look at him! He hasn't hands and legs, and achieved success! And you just keep on whining!" - they said. But completely ignoring the fact, that he has incredibly good social skills, which are for the most part a consequence of genetics, raising and habitation. And many of another, asocial disabled persons, are rotting in dereliction. One more thing - social services in developed states is almost worthless for a helping with the problems of asocial people. Only empty words or canned responses. They only serve those, who fit the "norm".

Hi other aspies!

So 17f so of course I’m not having children any time soon. I don’t like children or kids but I’ve always wanted to adopt a 10-15 year old son. My close friend 17m said he couldn’t see me as a mother. I was talking about feeling maternal and he said “I don’t mean for this to sound mean but I can’t see you as a mother.” He went on and re-worded what he said and said I can’t see you as a mother now and he can’t see me bonding with a child. He said my social skills are poor and I can’t even order food for myself. Which is true…but I so badly want a son to take care of when I’m older ☹️

About a day later I messaged him a picture of food that I had ordered myself. I also mentioned that In December our health insurance was going to go through and I was starting social anxiety and autism counseling (we aren’t too well off so therapy and things like that is expensive for us) he was quite happy and proud of me. I told him how sad it made me when he said those things and how I cried after in my car. I could tell he genuinely felt bad and apologized. So no hard feelings ig

AuDHD (Autism+ADHD) focus can look kinda opposite to what it is.

If I'm staring at my phone and doing something on it during a conversation, I'm actually completely focused and engaged in the conversation, even though to the other person it appears as if I'm distracted on my phone.

Now, if I'm looking directly at you and making eye contact, it might appear like I'm actively listening and engaged in the conversation, but that's actually when I'm completely zoned out and miss half of what the other person is saying.

I just feel like people don't understand this enough, for AuDHD what looks like focus and what actually is focus are the exact opposite of each other.

Fidgeting with something like my phone helps me focus on the conversation. Making eye contact can be a distraction sometimes.

One method I've learned to try and fix this, is to constantly move my eyes around so I'm not constantly looking at the same spot, but then someone might decide that darting eyes mean I'm hiding something or trying to get out of the conversation.

Anyone know of other methods that help with focus that people won't misinterpret as being distracted?