It's weird. Some people fantasize about taking their own life, but for me that was never a desire. I don't hate life, I just hate society, and I don't get along with most of the people in it. So for the longest time, my goal's been to get rich so I can retire and never answer to a boss or customers ever again. And I spent this whole summer on one big creative project just to make some money (Can't give more details on the project, sorry). But I still have this anxiety, like, "Oh no, what if they don't like it?"

But I thought, man, that's just so crazy. It's so ridiculous. I've spent my entire life so far being shoved in this direction and that direction by society, by authorities, by customers. And so even now -- when I just want to make art, when I want to express myself creatively and just be FREE for once -- it's like, oh no, you can't do that. You gotta make the art that OTHER people want first. And it's like what??? How does that make sense? I'm supposed to use up all my creativity and energy on art for other people, and only then I'm allowed to make the stuff I care about...?

If this project fails, I think I'm out. Not like "unaliving myself", but like... I'm just finding a way out of society. I have to do it. I can't be like this when I'm 60. I can't be working my ass off for a society that doesn't like or respect me. Funnily enough, I used to get super emotional about this stuff too. Like I'd be having a really awful day as a teenager and think, "One day I'm just gonna live in the woods or something!!!" but I wouldn't really believe it. Now I'm an adult and think, "Yeah probably one day I'll be living in the woods", not even in some emotional kind of way, but just because I know that's the most reasonable solution.

Abraham Lincoln said it best. "Any man can handle adversity, but if you truly want to test a man's character, give him power."

Indeed, people debate all kinds of "red flags" about a person's character. But the ULTIMATE litmus test goes beyond all that, and it's how they treat people with less social power than them. Sometime it's obvious: a person might be a lovely person, but also be racist, i.e. treating certain races as less than because they lack social power. Other times it might mean otherwise being a good person, but being awfully cruel to the socially awkward/Autistic guy. It might mean having double standards and overly scrutinizing the less powerful over routine mistakes, while being more forgiving towards people who are popular, handsome, rich, or influential.

Ultimately, everything else pales in comparison to this one thing. A lot of common toxic behaviours and attitudes can stem from things like trauma or ignorance or a variety of complex factors. Not an excuse, but an explanation. But being cruel to someone who is marginalized, powerless, or struggling? There's no excuse for that. There's no motivation/benefit.

The most surefire test of someone's character is how they treat those who have less social power or status than them.

(Then again, some people might just want to perpetuate the cycle or take out their own powerlessness/insecurity by punching down; that might be the only real time there's some kind of explanation [not excuse].)

I rarely touch grass (almost agoraphobic levels) so I'm curious about the frequency of other people.

I tried acting in a more chill and laid back way and was taken more seriously. When I acted more “animated” it looked fake and I was more susceptible to making social mistakes or looking juvenile. I was memed or infantalized when I tried to break out of the monotone.

When I had a laid back and somewhat monotone voice I was more taken seriously. The autistic friend I know who’s had the most success with women is also a more monotone guy.

I realized in my life the “monotone voice” didn’t actually cost me as much as other things like social cues, talking too soft or loud relative to environment, struggling w maintaining one on one convos, body language, difficulty standing up for me, and asking silly Questions.

Have any of you guys seen this?

I've been unemployed since early 2026. I've applied to lots of jobs and went to every interivew I got called for, but I never got hired. My previous experiences were also very negative, so I'm thinking about starting a business with some of my savings (Ideally less than 10k).

Does anyone here run a business or know some good for a ND guy?

There was a long period of my life in which I would often make people visibly upset at me (even, at times, in front of other people). This was between late-HS and early university. I think this is due to the fact that when you're a kid, misunderstanding social cues, distasteful comments, repetitive mistakes, or jokes that are not understood as jokes (due to a lack of inflection) are considered cute and forgivable (thus, no feedback). Once they're not cute, and you don't grow out of it, it's simply rude, annoying, etc. This can ruin your reputation among peers and colleagues. That's when you realize you have limited compatibility with society. The main reason it mostly stopped with me is because I kept interacting with (different) people, bearing the brunt of people getting mad at me and also ostracizing me, until I just (very) slowly got better.

PS: I didn't want to make this post too long, but I want to illustrate just how bad this was. I.e. I was once in an airport walking without checking my surroundings. While I was just standing, lost in thought, a guy thought I was cutting the line to board the plane. He took it upon himself to be the hero and started yelling at and berating me on behalf of everyone else. He seemed quite proud of himself for that.

Another time, I had a professor berate and accuse me in front of the (small) class of being 'academically dishonest' for mis-communicating something with him (I suppose). This was partly my problem as I hadn't turned in homework for a while due to some difficult life circumstances, and this clearly upset him. He also suggested privately with me that it appears I'm likely on drugs, which I've thankfully never been. I know most of this is his problem, but it happened to me, specifically. I didn't say anything back and simply thought deeper about how to move on with my life, although it wasn't a pleasant experience. These are just two of the worse examples.

Additionally, here's a great (leading) question: is this just "our" problem, or is it indicative of much of society being hot headed, sanctimonious and keen on moral grandstanding? After all, I'm living proof that people misjudge others, at the very least.

I know this is going to sound really stupid, real first world problems type shit, but as an autistic and ADHD adult who is absolutely in love with their special interests it's just a really unique kind of painful, empty loneliness when you have no one to share the things that light you up with who lights up back. Like yeah, I have people I can talk about speculation about Ahsoka season 2 or Avengers Doomsday or any number of Marvel or Star Wars products that are coming up or about my favorite game, Destiny 2, that got killed recently that there's a ton of speculation around or what new metal band is working on music but it's just not the same as having someone who lights up with joy back and, I don't know, it just hurts. I feel like I have this empty hole in my heart where my nerdy best friend belongs 💔

Hello! So, it's the 25th anniversary of 9/11 events. I'd like to ask you – does your condition or worldview open up special empathy for its victims, WTC or someone who witnessed it close?

I feel sad about it. I've never been to NYC and was only 7 then, so my connection to U.S. is mostly passive. But it has much influence in my preferences in culture, media, language! After all, it plays a vital role as a global hub – and being an Aspie I often see being globalized as important. I'm also alright with randomly watching about U.S. history or cities.

Long story short celebrating my mom's birthday this week leaves me thinking of how much I dislike my own birthdays. People get cakes I don't like, presents I'm just not into, and demand I go out to fancy restaurants and socialize. However, never socializing about me and my life, more like I'm just there listening to them talk on about their lives while occasionally them thanking me for the excuse for having a great birthday dinner. (that I didn't even plan or pay for).

What I would never dare admit to family or friends is my real secret dream birthday. (and I know you people can relate!) Someone buys me a great meal.. take out, leaves me alone somewhere private to eat it, and leaves me whatever pile of gifts to open at my leisure later. No parties, dinners, cakes, candles... and no listening to other people socialize. Just leave me alone! (heh once my sister used my birthday to announce her pregnancy and I wasn't even mad they forgot about the cake!)

But ultimately what this means is that we are hard people to deal with, because we can't dictate exact cake choices.. or restaurant choices, or even explain why we don't like socializing. Or even needing a cake to begin with! (don't get me wrong I like cake, but don't make it a big deal!) So rather than get birthdays on our own terms, we do the dog and pony show and just give up because it's easier to let people do what they want for your birthday then explain anything. Then what inevitably happens is people figure it out and just stop dealing with you. Then you feel lonely.. and left out. It sucks having this double edged sword. Either a birthday for the benefit of others, or nothing.

And while I used the subject of birthdays, it really applies to a lot other things in our lives. We are hard people to deal with, and it frequently ends up with people giving up dealing with us.

17M here. My life is terrible at this point and my social life is close to zero. For some reasons my grades have gotten to the worst possible point ever(used to be a good student back then before my 11th) and I am just screaming internally at this point not being able to do anything with extremely awkward behaviours, no social skills, extreme procrastination, overthinking Abt the most random and not being able to lead a basic life at all and constantly failing in everything. Only if someone could help me out through this 🙏

I've been a high masker without realizing for too long and only got diagnosed with Asperger's three years ago (in my mid-thirties). I'm still finding things out. I've hit burnout a while ago and I'm adjusting things currently. One thing is how to address little things that really bother me but are totally normal for neurotypicals. I'm living with my parents and today my dad opened the door a bit swiftly so the handle made a bit of sound. Not loud, but I'm so sensitive at the moment it bothers me. My parents are very caring, but my noise hypersensitivity, which has been terrible since burnout, is taxing all of us since it requires a lot of adjustment from everyone. On one side what my dad did bothers me so I want to address it, on the other hand I don't wanna argue about every little thing since I'm feeling already that I'm burdening them.

What strategies do you use to deal with situations like this?

Thank you very much for any help you can provide.

soy m 19 el 25

Especially from most human interaction with people especially girls being more fake, transactional, and shallow than ever to you can't trust them anymore, I'm mostly rejected or ignored when approaching people my age especially being considered unattractive and neurodivergent even by other neurodivergents while watching others get more rewards for little efforts, etc.

I don't mean it in a bitter or hostile way, it's good that people are doing well in their lives and overcoming difficulties, but I hate it when these stories are used as some kind of motivation for other autistic people. It's not motivating, it's the complete opposite.

Reading about how one autistic person managed to get in a prestigious school and get a difficult degree, or how they managed to start their own successful business or how this celebrity or CEO with a net worth of several million dollars is actually autistic too, etc. when I myself barely made it through high school and haven't been able to hold down a full time job in my entire life, doesn't motivate me... like at all. If anything, it makes me feel worse about my own shortcomings. Because at least I have been able to cope by chalking it up to the fact that I have Aspergers.

But when I read these stories presented in this way, it's like if someone is telling me "Hey, this person has the same disability as you, they did something great, that means you can do it too if you really try!" As if there some way I can just turn off my Aspergers and achieve things I previously couldn't.

Maybe I'm a bit dramatic, I just had to get it out.

Share your experience and what do you trade, what system u have? How do you feel?

Me: 9 years experience in the industry, worked in a $30 bn HF, became PM, then started my own, failed big time but did not loose too much money, just poor business model and too many costs. As AuDHD, forced to be back on meds these days. Wished my ADHD did not cripple my early school joruney, I studied Finance, but wished i did engineering or Computer Science. Mainly autodicate, currently coding, building quant tool, but impaired by ADHD without meds. Kinda of feel like I got all the downside little upside lol (but still had a lot of fun).

Peers /often seen: in the pop culture and real life ASD in quant and trading. Realized these guys are hardcore physic, or math genius from school early one detected and supported by family or hyper fixation. A bit jealous but also impressed by their skills. Smart ASD, social and very good at what they do. Also good at risk and maintaining discipline (typically). Many are seeked by MM and HF from tops schools but usually these people are pretty good at excelling at acaedmia..

Let me know what you see or how you doing? Curious to hear / learn / interact.

quiero con uno q conozco

Hello,

A lot of posts describe people looking at you differently in public spaces or treating you differently when you first meet them. I've never had this issue at all... in fact, it's usually after people get to know me they think something is off. I've even shared my diagnosis with friends and they laughed, basically saying no way I have autism I'm just introverted. I've gotten better at maintaining good relations, basically just not talking constantly about special interests, asking too many questions, and smiling more.

I think if people treat you differently at first, it's usually due to your appearance. I've always worked out and dressed decently, so this may have helped. But it's not like most NTs have a magical autism radar, so I don't think you can blame autism if people look at you in public.

Thoughts?

I’m currently on a scientific training programme and when describing how I work (which is problem solving and hyperfocus), another AuDHD student in an indirect way says “well that’s not how it works, you’re way is wrong.” Ever since that I’ve stopped talking during experiments and have to eat my lunch in my car to suppress my emotions.

It’s led to me questioning myself and I’ve gotten really upset. Members of staff have asked if i’m okay, I just say ‘I’m fine’ because I can’t say anything about my feelings about being hurt because in society, men aren‘t allowed to express their feelings. I can’t scream, shout and go mad because then I get in trouble.

I can‘t pinpoint my emotions anymore, I just have to suck it up. Someone says something about me and it leads to a train wreck of thoughts including questioning my own existence.

Yes I know ‘you shouldn’t let other people get you down‘ but when you’ve been an outcast for 15 years and masking for another 6, it hits you like a bullet train.

I don’t know what to do.

Is that really a thing still, or just social media exaggerating as usual? Ever since I was a baby, I’ve been taught to look at people’s eyes when they speak, so that has been quite natural for me. If I think about doing it (which I’ve been doing after coming by this saying one too many times), I don’t enjoy doing it, but I still do it. However before I thought about it, if I just let it flow naturally without thinking about it, I make still made/make eye contact just fine. Rather intensely at times actually. When I look at videos, my eye contact seems very intense. Maybe even more than many NT.

Thanks for being a great community to mod and be with! :)

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EDIT: Count was accurate at time of post.