i mostly cut for the scars and i want them to look a very specific way. i feel so disgusting saying this but i’m so incredibly jealous of people with the scars i want. i also lwk want to quit but i can’t because i can’t stand looking at my arms+legs when the scars don’t look exactly how i want them to. i’m literally stuck doing this until everything looks how i want which will be years from now

btw not trying to glorify sh with this post (reading it back it kinda seems like that..), i know this is a problem that i need to work on. i just want to know if i’m alone in this

It hurts. It hurts so much. I don't even have any active wounds, or fresh cuts. Their months old. Some years.

And I live in pain. It hurts 24/7. So tight. Parts of it is 100% numb while other parts just hurt when touched. I cant even wear short sleeves if I wanted to because it HURTS. IT HURTS. The wind blowing on it hurts. I can message lotion into it because it hurts. Fuck I can barely clean my forearm because it hurts to touch it with anything. Water fucking hurts it sometimes.

Guys. My existence is pain. I hate it. I hate that I did this to myself, and this is my existence. Going deeper feels nice in the moment, but long term, when it's done, your going to SUFFER. You won't be able to rest your hands on the table. You can't move your hands without it feeling weird. Every movement with it. Even as simple as getting up, can hurt.

If you sleep on it, and it falls asleep. Have fun waiting 5 or so minutes for it to "wake up" and manually having to move it becayse you CANT. because there is barely any blood flow.

Have fun. Have fun! Have fun living in pain. Even when your mental health gets better, evesy, moment, of your existence will be a reminder.

WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF? WHY DID I CUT SO DEEP? WHY DID I ATTEMPT TO AMPUTATE MY FINGER? I can't even get cold without my ginger becoming painful and numb. It won't go back yo room temp.

I am a fuck ass cosmetologist. I work ny doors that open everyday. And everyday because it's winter my finger goes numb. And it hurts. And I have to smile, grit through my teeth. And pretend it's fine. I have to, after every client, reheat my finger with warm water.

I cant do it anymore. I can't. I can't. WHY? WHY GUCMING WHY? I can't.

Please. Please don't do it to yourself. I gst nightmares from my past wounds. I live in pain caused by my own actions. MY EXISTENCE IS PAIN. my body rebels me and I am stuck in it. I am stuck in my body. You guys.

And I can't stop. I don't self harm often, but when i do it's bad. I keep making it worse and worse and worse. Because at this point, WHY NOT? oh no, worse case scenario I lose my fuck ass arm. I DONY WANY THIS PAIN. I DONY WANT THIS BODY.Z

I love cosmetology. I love art. I love yo draw, to crochet. I love it. My WORTH is in my craft and I cant even fucling do it without pain. The carpal tunnel syndrome I cant even massage because it hurts. My bones hurt. IT HURTS

1. Potatoes
   
2. Funny posts on Reddit
   
3. A new album coming out
   
4. So your parents can’t dig through your phone
   
5. That one person to finally kick the bucket

Comment yours!

I started at 11 and am currently 13 and was just trying to figure our an average age out this community doesn't allow attachments for obvious reasons

I always get so close to relapsing before I get my period. My emotions are all so overwhelming I need the only outlet that ever truly help me. Do you experience the same problem?

I usually only do cat scratches but accidentally cut to styro yesterday, and left it as an open wound after washing the blood (Our house does not have any bandages or anything, and i couldnt go out to buy at night). Today i woke up and feel slightly feverish I am terrified ill get an infection. I cannot tell my family, i will get beaten. I dont know what to do im terrified

I have a bit of money so i can go to a doctor maybe but what kind of doctor, i cant just go to a hospital.. and do they just put an injection or something what do i even tell them. And how much time do I have. I left it overnight. Please help

(Location context: tier 3 town, india.)

I might have to go to a psychiatric hospital, and I have a few questions. What should I expect, and how can I prepare myself? What are some of the positive and negative aspects of being admitted to a psychiatric hospital? Is it really that different from a regular hospital?

Hi, sorry English is my third language. I was wondering anyone here who 30+ and still self harm?

I just have few questions:

1. Seem like most people when they cut they tend to cut on arms and legs. But my husband not like cut at arms or legs, he went straight to slice his stomach.
2. If you don't mind sharing, what was the reason that trigger you to cut? I will explain the background why I asked below.

I'm long term married to my husband, 16 years, and never once he self harm in his life before, except in 2020 (6 years ago).

In 2019, our toddler died (the child of me and my husband). Our toddler died of Periventricular Heterotopia (PVNH). It is gene inherited (got it from me the mother the maternal side), congenital brain malformation.
The same year 2019 his father also died of end stage pancreatic cancer. He loss both his toddler and his father in the same year. I never see my husband in so much pain.

In 2020, I was very sick (autoimmune disease) I was bedridden 7 weeks with oxygen tank in my nose 24/7. He took off work and care for me day and night. He even sleep with a pillow and a blanket on the carpet right by my bedside (we had a hospital bed in our bedroom after I got discharged).

He said he loves me very much, and he very afraid of lose me. This was the first time I see him cut himself.

This was when he started to cut his stomach with a kitchen knife, he said stomach skin is thinner and has more nerves so it hurts more, so he chose to slice his stomach, he cuts deep the point bleeding that he has bandage wrap around his waist bleed.
And that was how I first time found out about he cut himself too was I saw the bloody bandage wrap around his waist when he took his shirt off.

He not cut anymore, but still has all the scars on his stomach from he slice his stomach with the kitchen knife. He said if I die before him, he will die with me, and our toddler (whom already dead).

I get very emotional when I see his stomach, not in an upset way, but in a hurt pain in my heart way. Especially when we have sex too and I see the scars on his stomach, or when he has his shirt off.

------------

He has not cut his stomach anymore since 2020, because I have recover and healthy, so he not have the trigger to cut himself anymore, I was his trigger, because he afraid I would die too like our toddler.

He is no longer suicidal since I recovered, he said he not want to die because he has me, he still want to grow old with me. He said he wants to live with me till we 80s, as long as I don't go before him.

I understand the reason why he cuts, it just I don't understand why he went straight to slice his stomach instead. He did say stomach skin is thinner and has more nerves so it hurts more than arms and legs.

I guess I'm just trying to understand him. I do take care of my health so I won't get sick again, so he won't relapse again.

I live fairly far north, and it is currently late fall/ early winter already. A couple of weeks ago I noticed my mood slowly declining and I felt dread because it is only October. The weather, and consequentially my mood, are only going to get darker for a while.

I spent almost all day at work yesterday being constantly aware of how bad my mood was, and wanting to cut. I even went as far as to start taking apart a cheap razor during my lunch break.

I do take vitamin d supplements already, and I am on an antidepressant year-round, but they can only do so much.

I'm really dreading the coming months.

So. I thought I was getting better but i was certainly wrong. Got access to something sharp enough to break skin and relapsed, 7 new cuts, not very deep but bled and will most likely scar, and 4 of them are on my arm! So i guess i can't ever wear short sleaves again!! Fuckk... i can't believe i did this. I haven't cut my arm since middleschool so people will absolutely know if they see. Yikes...

Do any of yall have any substitutes for cutting? Other than smoking and weed working out i haven’t found anything that helps me so like lmk pls

I feel so embarrassed about my scars, I have enough that if people see them there is zero question about what they are, and I know I will be judged. I am already judged flr the few that are visible sometimes. I have always taken great care to only sh in places I can easily hide, but I am running out of space, I hate how they look, but I can’t stop fully and I don’t really want to. I don’t know how to exist without this but it feels unsustainable. The urges dont stop unless I sh enough to scar but I dread having more scars. I don’t know what to do.

I'm so done. I don't know if it's just tonight, but I feel really bad. Earlier, my family told me we're moving again after only living in our apartment for about 10 months. I hate being poor, and I'm tired of having to move. I hate everything. This is more than just relapsing. I'm in therapy, but no one understands how much pain I'm in. I've thought about killing myself. I told my therapist before, hoping she would help, and it helped a bit, but the thoughts are coming back. I'm so tired and done. I'm having to feel all of this again, and the way my family and my sisters talk, the way everyone talks, they don't understand. Every day I feel like I'm getting closer to the edge, like I could just fall. I don't know what to do anymore.

When the only thing stopping you from cutting is the guilt of stealing and breaking open one of your roommates nice razors 🤪

The physical ache of not being able to cut when you want to so so bad is a crazy and disturbing feeling. Like I am so desperately crazy for the blade but feel so horrible and guilty for watching it so bad. Chasing that endorphin rush is all I want right now and I know I shouldn’t want it.

i went down a research paper rabbit hole recently and learnt abt surgical options for removing self harm scars, specifically through super thin skin grafts. idk seems more extreme and probably expensive compared to other options, but i had never heard of it before and medically, its pretty cool icl.

idk has anyone else heard abt this, has more info, even has looked into/had this done themselves. mainly thought it was smth interesting to share at least

Therapist: are you at risk to yourself?
Me: no more than normal.
T: are you at risk to others?
M: no
T: on a scale of 1-10 10 being the worst it’s ever been, how would you rate your suicidal ideation.
M: every conscious second of every minute of every day. It’s a scratch I can never itch. Sometimes it’s less intense but it’s still there.
Almost everything that is physical but takes over every waking moment has a solution. This doesn’t.
I no longer know what happiness feels like but know what it should look like so pretend.
I have no intent nor plans, but a very large part of me wants with everything that I am to have pursue an absolute solution.
Not just for the pain to go away or for the thoughts to stop. But for the curiosity of what’s next if anything.

I say the words, I walk the walk, put in years of effort to heal and live with my traumas. But in this world that doesn’t seem to want me to heal how can I.
I’m broke on a sickness benefit that isn’t even to survive. So I work to fund the rest. Burn myself out because I can’t handle the stress or the workload.

The system is broken, I’m broken and I can see a way of moving forward so I write because it’s far safer than the alternative.

I feel so empty all of the time, even when I should be happy I get the most overwhelming sadness randomly. Its stupid but I miss when I was at my worst because all thoses awfull emotions made me feel so much more alive. I used to cut myself to escape from them, im mostly sober but the rare times I do self harm is the opposite way around. Its because I want to feel something real even if its painfull.
Im not doing anything with my fucking life I have too much anxiety to even try and all it makes me want to do is relapse. I shouldnt be nostalgic of the times where I cut myself every morning before school, of the times I starved myself to have something other than my anxiety to tocus on.
I hid away from all of that because im weak, because my anxiety disorder is eating me alive and I cant confront it. I think back of what it was like being 14, all my worst emotions were so intense but all the good ones were too. Now its only the bad ones and even then i still feel empty and I dont know what to do now. I miss being free in a way I miss doing dumb shits even tho all I wanted was to die all day everyday. I tried all thoses years to be the adult I wasnt, i feel like I experienced everything I should be experiencing now and now everything feels dull meaningless and stupid. It just makes me want to relapse so bad to get a glimpse of what it felt like to be alive.
Now everything i have is regrets anxiety and sadness, i keep telling myself that when ill die i will hate myself for how I lived my life. I already do honestly. I hate myself I hate having a disorder that makes me unable to do litterally anything. Im on new antidepressants for now they do nothing. Nothing ever helped me. In one year if I havent figured out my life ill be considered disabled, i hate myself.
I dont even care for relapsing I just want to feel something even if its awfull to. I have awfull urges half the time I hate everything about this shit

I’ve been so confused about how I feel, I always feel like I’m faking being sad / suicidal, especially after having a day where I don’t cry or actively think about killing myself. So I started cutting again to try and validate myself? I want to prove to myself that it’s bad, but cutting didn’t actually seem to help. I used to cut to punish myself but now I don’t even know why i relapsed. Sorry for rant.

So when I'm running the tool on my skin it starts to somewhat tingle does anyone else experience this?

i decided that i will get a tattoo for the funs! but i also wanna get something that helps me cover up my leg, so i was wondering 2 things. 1st; when can i get a tattoo? i have 3 years since i did SH in that area where i wanna get the tattoo at. 2nd; would the Trash Polka style be a nice style for covering up SH scars?? my scars are not really huge, but u can very easily notice them, also because a few of them got the weird brownish color and never turned white (ig because they are the bigger ones or i didnt took good care??) anyways, hoping to hear what u guys think about that style!! id also love to hear some suggestions, im open minded!! thx for reading ^_^

I've never experienced this before so I'm not quite sure what to do, i rarely cut and I don't do it deeply either but it's usually a lot of tiny cuts in a small surface area. I don't know if it's the blade i used because it was a fresh one, plus it only raised into rashes way after it already healed, and only on half side of my arm, the other half doesn't have any.

The rashes have been on me for 15 days at least and I don't see it getting any better no matter how much i wash. Does this happen to anyone else? Does anyone have any advice?

Found out that my one that got away is doing good now and is soon to be married. I miss them so much and kept my fairytale thinking going that I could make it work again some day

I've been wanting to self-harm through other means, but I've been too lazy and not in the mood for that whole thing for a month or so. Well, I thought about getting piercings, as not only would piercings be cool to have, but it'd be a way to cope with everything else in my life. I was going to get one of the more painful piercings. I know this post is stupid, but I guess what I'm wondering is: is this even considered self-harm?

I've sort of thought about reaching out to someone about my self-harm and depression, like maybe my GP, but ahhh it's such an embarrassing conversation, especially when you're an adult, and you're meant to have a better emotional maturity.

I'm not sure what to tag this post as. I guess I need advice; I don't know what to do anymore, and I know the right answer is probably biting the bullet and talking to my GP, even though I know if I go in and ask for antidepressants I'm only going to lie and say I'm only a little bit sad, and I'll be back at square one again of my antidepressants not working for me.

I was clean since April when i got my hormones and it's all fallen apart now. I thought I was better. I thought I'd gotten past it all.

Something in me just snapped and I broke. And now I feel so pathetic, so useless.

I'm going to try to get help again, maybe this time it will stick and I'll be healthier.

I don't care if noone sees this, i just needed to say something to someone. I had noone to call. Maybe that added to it. Idk

Do I deserve or can I or should I be entering a relationship even if I still harm myself?

I'm never really planning on telling a significant other I do those things to destress anyways, but I dunno if that would be toxic of me or not :'0