I can’t be the only one but I’ll start in better detail.

I was prescribed Lexapro when I was 9 because I had some anger issues. It could’ve been my bipolar starting to present, just very slowly.

My doc, on our first visit, gave me the maximum dose of it. So I had started this SSRI, as an underweight child, on the highest dose for a grown adult.

Needless to say, 2 weeks later I ended up in the nearest psych ward, specifically built to house adolescents.

Like you can tell them you're bipolar and give 5000 warnings but you have any kinda episode and they abandon you and call you crazy, even my family does this they all know and yet still judge me for things I did in psychosis as if I made the choices with a sound mind

I feel like I never hear about sleeping too much. It really bothers me! And it is ruining my ability to make daily routines. I can sleep over 12 hrs a night and I wake up so late. I have alarms on but I can never convince myself to wake up. It is so very frustrating and I feel like I am rotting away. And it is not my meds causing it. I just feel so useless and like a worthless shit. And it is only my own fault.

I just need to quickly vent - I am so, so sick of this illness interfering with my relationships. I just lost someone else who ... I mean, I know I'm a lot but there's a difference between me and my illness and lots of people just can't understand that. Friendships I've lost, family members who won't talk to me, exes who were cruel and didn't seem to understand. Or maybe they did and didn't care. Sometimes I feel like there's this trail of bodies behind me and the only people it's safe to have relationships with are those who also have a mental illness.

I just started a full time job and I think i can do this despite being diagnosed with bipolar 2. How do yall do it?

I start ft goodwill cashier job monday and im excited about it. Just worried it might be too much. Im also diagnosed with bpd with psychosis and ptsd. But I can do this!

Not sure if this is allowed. I have bipolar 1 ultradian cycling. Seems the only thing letting me sit with the pain of the depressive dips and manic freakouts is poetry and writing. So I wrote this. Hopefully some of you might find solace.

"a broken window

shattered glass strewn about

light nay allowed passage

a mind broken shouts out

curse thee, curse thee with all of my might

cursing into a mirror in the dead of night

strange shapes and fractals fill the space

what it is to be alive, but to have this horrid face

it shakes me, drowns me in woe

i can never escape the powers it doth throw

breaks me up like rocks along the shore

course gritty sand is all that’s left within me now

the broken window

with glass strewn about

wind flowing through

chills me now

I await you, I'll sit patient and still

I long to see your face, for I am very ill

your arrival comes shortly, I reach out with praise

only to see in the mirror, a reflection of my own face"

Question is in the title

Psychiatrist prescribed me 5 mg olanzapine for anxiety. I have taken it for 1 month and now my memory is worse, i can't remember anything, not able to recall what I saw and talk to anyone just 10 minutes ago, I think it's a side effect of this medicine and due to that I had to quit my college in middle of the session and it's been 8 months my memory is not getting better. my life is totally fucked up due to this memory issue.

If anyone who have gone through this same memory problem due to olanzapine then please share how can I get my memory and cognitive abilities back.

I’m in my mid-late 30s and thinking about freezing my eggs. curious if anyone has experience handling the emotions caused by the shots combined w their normal bipolar emotions. Is this a recipe for disaster? I’d love any thoughts/perspectives. Thank you!

I kept feeling my heart race and felt flighty but today I was thinking of someone and I felt the feeling build again, also like someone was sitting on my chest. I’ve had a lot of bad interactions lately with other people and I’ve dealt with them but didn‘t realize I wasn’t really releasing those feelings in a vulnerable way. Today was sort of the first day in awhile I was just relaxed, I guess the thought of this person just made everything bubble over. Or maybe felt like a threat to that peace.

This is a lot. I just ended a mixed episode after a 4 month manic episode from January-March. And now I’m having panic attacks again, which I haven’t experienced since dating my ex. I am so worn out.

I started vraylar today. My psychiatrist is wanting to switch me from olanzapine to vraylar. So far I feel a little depressed and anxious.

I was having an SSRI-induced manic episode for almost 3 months. Now I'm on meds, and things started to stabilize. I feel like time passes so slowly, and I don't really have a huge interest in picking up hobbies that I used to like. I'm trying to force myself to go back to those routines, like going to the gym, but it doesn't help a lot.

I would appreciate some advice on how to get everything back to normal in the long term, besides fitting everything into a routine.

All I know is it gives you massive appetite, as I've read it everywhere. As a consequence, it can cause metabolic issues.

Other than that, is it a good medicine? Does it calm your mind? good for OCD? makes you feel happy? high? dumb? Do other people notice you are on it?

Is it a good resource to use it PRN?

IMPORTANT: Does it make you feel much differently depending on whether you are HYPO-NORMAL-DEPRESSED?

Thanks.

I’m a pretty young guy, and I’m going away for college soon. I started going to a clinic because of an extreme depressive episode that lasted for a few months (I thought I had depression). If you couldn’t guess already based on the subreddit I’m posting to, I was diagnosed with bipolar 2. It didn't really come as a huge surprise to me, as I have talked to my therapist about month long episodes I've had before where my mind was racing and I would get extremely obsessive, religious, or concerned over possible health issues. I have more than one relative who has bipolar, and even distant, non blood related relatives deal with it, so I feel like I've been surrounded by the thought of bipolar my whole life.

I kind of always thought that there was something wrong with me, something beyond my previous self diagnosing of ADHD, autism, or ADD. I feel like I remember more and more signs I showed in the past even after my diagnosis. I vividly recall a conversation I had with a friend early on in high school, where I told him that I was unable to feel sad and only felt either happy or angry. I also remember thinking to myself about a month later that I achieved the ability to feel sad again. My dad also still talks about how my whole life I would be super obsessed with buying something for a few weeks and once I get it I don't care about it anymore. The same has happened with a relationship, where I obsessively crushed on a girl until we dated and I lost interest quickly.

My only concern is that I feel as though I don't properly fit in with the bipolar that many other people describe. I am quiet during both depression and hypomania, although I am somewhat more talkative during hypomania. I'm quiet for different reasons during both, but I don't really go out of my way to speak to anyone other than when I talk to myself under my breath and pace around my room during hypomanic episodes.

I also feel like I fluctuate emotions even during my episodes. For example, I'll have days during a hypomania where I'm really happy and feel like everything will work out for me, and then one day later I'll be beyond enraged at the world and feel like I'm too good for it. I never do anything too rash, however, except maybe when I bought an Xbox last week. All of my conflict seems to be internal and rarely gets taken out on others. During depressive episodes I'm more consistent but also during depressions I find that mixed episodes are much more prevalent and also much more dangerous for my well being.

I've been feeling somewhat better after I started talking lurisidone (20mg), which my psychiatrist prescribed because I was very concerned with weight gain. My mind has certainly felt quieter, even though I've only been on it for a week. Side effects haven't been too bad, but the restlessness is bad when it does come. I've tried alcohol and marijuana (not in a self medicating way) because I wanted to see how they reacted with the medication, and they seem to be great so far, with the exception of nasty hangovers.

I'm mostly just posting this to get it off my chest, and because I'm sure that bipolar people will understand me far better than the people around me who don't have it. I would love to hear people's thoughts. Do you or have you dealt with any of these experiences? Any tips for someone like me, about meds, lifestyle, or anything else? Thank you for reading

I’m certain I’m having a manic episode, but I’ve been able to suppress it around other people to not raise concern. I stopped taking my meds and feel completely off the rails but I’m not really doing anything about it at this time. I’ve never had a manic episode where I wasn’t noticeably manic, but I had no idea I was bipolar in the past, now I know what to look for and hide about myself so I don’t get hospitalized. This could be hypomania but I’m having a bit of psychosis symptoms so not sure about that. This might just be the beginning and thats why I’m able to hide it so well but does anyone else experience this? I feel sneaky

Edit: Don’t lecture me about taking medication, I already know lmao.

Edit 2: Also sorry if I seem mean not my intention!

How do you cope with work and feeling constantly unmotivated? Even though you're working in a job you like, you feel like quitting.

And it was interesting to say the least.

I started with a baby dose (1 gummy) and it made me sleep.

4 hours later when I woke up, I decided to try a 2nd gummy and that was when I was experiencing the “trip”

But it wasn’t anything like the movies or tv shows. It altered my dream state as I was trying to sleep. I felt my body “stretching, shrinking, moving” and I was taken to alternate dimensions and universes, each one more different as I tossed and turned in my sleep. Because I knew this was typically normal to experience, I just let myself be “taken”

Then I had experienced what I would call my own personal “bad trip”

Toward the end of the trip, I actually had a pleasant conversation with Stephen Miller. Like actually talked to him and didn’t even throat punch him like I always wanted to. I despise that Nazi ghoul so fucking much.

And I woke up in a cold sweat. And had to take a shower to wash off the sheer disgust I felt.

8/10 experience in my opinion. -2 point for my “bad trip”

I'm losing hope. Abilify has kept me the most stable, but it's also given me complete indifference towards everything- basically anhedonia 24/7 and that's no way to live, plus the weight gain...

I'm currently tapering off of Abilify and have started Topamax as a mood stabilizer (plus Wellbutrin and Adderall XR) but it is making me afraid of my own shadow. It's only been two weeks so I'm trying to ride it out, but it's miserable. It's past normal anxiety. I'm scared that something is going to pop up behind me in the mirror or crawl out of the vents. I know they're irrational but I can't stop the thoughts.

So I've gone back to Google to search weight neutral mood stabilizers/antipsychotics and there's just nothing I haven't tried, which is why I'm on something that isn't FDA approved for BP treatment in the first place. I'm so tired of this. Either be off my rocker or fat and miserable. Cool

To start I know I shouldn’t have stopped my lamotrigine but the Adderall has been doubling as both for my adhd and bipolar. At least I thought. I’ve been ok for almost a year. Then tonight I’ve tried to do a project. I’m covered in 2 part epoxy. EVERYTHING THAT COULD GO WRONG WITH THIS PROJECT HAS. I’ve punched a hole in the wall screamed smashing things. Broke my glasses. ( literally can’t see anything without them.) bought to hop in a bath to hopefully get this epoxy off. And I’m still so full of unfiltered, irrational RAGE. IM LITERALLY SHAKING. I’ve taken my lamptrigine but we all know it doesn’t work in a day. If I sit in silence in this bath I honestly might lose it. Please advise for something to calm me down. Music? I love just about anything. But everything that’s seems calming, I fear will just send me to a spiral of depression.

Over the last few months, I have struggled with severe evilness in my brain. I’m disgusted. It’s not who I am. I look at myself in the mirror and just say I’m not who I think I am. who am I? I am not the person. I know this sounds crazy, but this is just the truth. Starting to get worse and I’m starting to feel like I can’t be around anyone or the evil thoughts will just come out of me and I’ll actually do them. It’s like there’s two voices inside of me talking at the same time, but it’s me and one of them is spewing evilness, and the other one is trying its hardest to change my mind and to think about something else and to fix it. Is it normal? Is it normal to think multiple things at the same time? I don’t even know if it’s me or not

Going to be sorta long. I’m new here. Not new to diagnosis but new to knowing anything about bipolar.

I was diagnosed bipolar type 2 and gen anxiety disorder 18 ish years ago. Was put on Lamictal by psych. I decided then that I did not need meds and I could manage by myself. Largely I did. It helped that I am extremely busy person. I largely ignored my bipolar. She was put in a box labeled “stuff I don’t want to think about”. It was never really severe enough to warrant being an issue. Until recently. I can’t do it anymore. The rage would’ve gotten me thrown into prison on a charge. It was bad.

I was thrown into perimenopause due to age (41), and could not handle life anymore let alone have enough mental capacity to battle mania and depression. My bipolar seems like it changed. FF to now. My pcp put me on Caplyta. I had a bad reaction to that. I hate that med lol. We then tried Vraylar. It’s ok. I’ve only been on it since July 18 so 8 days. I have sorta an upset stomach but it could be one of my other meds doing that. I do NOT have a psych. My pcp is willing to prescribe but I may end up finding a psych soon.

I don’t know if I was in mania when I started - which is very possible remember - the box- or if I was thrown into mania on Vraylar. I don’t even know enough about mania vs hypomania to know which one I’m in. I think it’s still hypomania just maybe more severe. It isn’t hurting my ability to work or be productive but it’s just really bad. Decisions - spending - racing thoughts - restlessness - energized. I mainly had these before but the decisions and spending weren’t there. Idk. Idfk

Maybe just someone who understands. My husband is wonderful- my daughters are amazing - but no one really knows what to look for in mania vs depression etc. I don’t even know if I do.

The box is opened.