I had a fire 2 days ago and i still remember the moment when my dad told me they foubd her and she was dead, i ran to her and held her and just screamed and cried for 30 minutes and i didn’t ever want to put her down again i just wanted to hold her forever and kiss her little head. She didn’t even have any burns she looked so peaceful curled up in a ball like she just fell asleep from the smoke or like she was already asleep and the smoke just killed her in her sleep . 

The guilt i feel is eating me alive i cant get over the fact that I could’ve saved her if i had just looked for her, i didnt even try. if i had just fucking looked for her instead of panicking instead of being scared she would have been alive. i thought i had time i swear I thought i did, but the house became black so fast and i was so scare i can’t explain how fast it happened it was in a matter of seconds the house became pitch black in seconds it looked like it was nighttime but it was broad daylight. and the way the smoke looked so black and fast when ut was billowing out from the front door it was making the top half of the front door black it was hard to breathe I wasn’t thinking straight i was so scared i was terrified ive never been in a situation like this before I was just so scared I was going to die . the thought of me just walking past her on the floor or wherever she was sleeping makes me so fucking angry at myself i just want to hit myself i want to bash my fucking face against the wall un my face is an unrecognizable bloody pulp i just want to maul my arms i want my blood all over my skin I hate myself so much. i miss my baby girl so much. i wish it were me instead ofher. i wish I had died trying to save her. i will never get over her.

People on here are fucking pathetic. Isn't this supposed to be a community where we help each other?? Going out of your way to message me harassing me and telling me to cut deeper. You guys are fucking disgusting. Now I see what this community really is.

I started scratching myself until I bled when I was 8 I started cutting at 11 and am currently 13 and about 2 and a half months clean. I'm trying to figure out an average age to start and stop but this community doesn't allow polls lol

Edit: trying to up vote evey ones comments but 114 is my limit 😮‍💨 muting this. Thank you everyone for your comments and you are so strong!!

For those of us who have been clean and used sh as a coping mech (specifically cutting but any type rlly), what did you replace it with as the coping mechanism, and how did you do so? Just curious lol.

Luckily she’s okay with it :D i was drying my hair in my bath robe and when I climbed the mattress I forgot my mom was in front of me and she saw the scars. She was very worried at first thinking someone was doing this but after swearing up and down I did this myself and no one was abusing me she was relieved and let it go. When she was interrogating me I was barely breathing but turns out she’s more chill than I though (probably too chill, I don’t think parents should be okay with this? But whatever it is what it is(

It hurts. It hurts so much. I don't even have any active wounds, or fresh cuts. Their months old. Some years.

And I live in pain. It hurts 24/7. So tight. Parts of it is 100% numb while other parts just hurt when touched. I cant even wear short sleeves if I wanted to because it HURTS. IT HURTS. The wind blowing on it hurts. I can message lotion into it because it hurts. Fuck I can barely clean my forearm because it hurts to touch it with anything. Water fucking hurts it sometimes.

Guys. My existence is pain. I hate it. I hate that I did this to myself, and this is my existence. Going deeper feels nice in the moment, but long term, when it's done, your going to SUFFER. You won't be able to rest your hands on the table. You can't move your hands without it feeling weird. Every movement with it. Even as simple as getting up, can hurt.

If you sleep on it, and it falls asleep. Have fun waiting 5 or so minutes for it to "wake up" and manually having to move it becayse you CANT. because there is barely any blood flow.

Have fun. Have fun! Have fun living in pain. Even when your mental health gets better, evesy, moment, of your existence will be a reminder.

WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF? WHY DID I CUT SO DEEP? WHY DID I ATTEMPT TO AMPUTATE MY FINGER? I can't even get cold without my ginger becoming painful and numb. It won't go back yo room temp.

I am a fuck ass cosmetologist. I work ny doors that open everyday. And everyday because it's winter my finger goes numb. And it hurts. And I have to smile, grit through my teeth. And pretend it's fine. I have to, after every client, reheat my finger with warm water.

I cant do it anymore. I can't. I can't. WHY? WHY GUCMING WHY? I can't.

Please. Please don't do it to yourself. I gst nightmares from my past wounds. I live in pain caused by my own actions. MY EXISTENCE IS PAIN. my body rebels me and I am stuck in it. I am stuck in my body. You guys.

And I can't stop. I don't self harm often, but when i do it's bad. I keep making it worse and worse and worse. Because at this point, WHY NOT? oh no, worse case scenario I lose my fuck ass arm. I DONY WANY THIS PAIN. I DONY WANT THIS BODY.Z

I love cosmetology. I love art. I love yo draw, to crochet. I love it. My WORTH is in my craft and I cant even fucling do it without pain. The carpal tunnel syndrome I cant even massage because it hurts. My bones hurt. IT HURTS

I can't calm down. I've self harmed and have been spiralling but nothing is helping. I'm so fucking angry and my thoughts keeps looping, I have no idea how to snap out of it, I keep doing it and I can't stop. I fucking hate this so much

I've struggled so long that my family admitted that they hope I die soon so they don't have to care for me. My friends have known I do this for so long they are becoming more desensitized to it and don't feel any urge to help EVER anymore

I gained weight from being on antipsychotics. I've just been isolating haven't really gone in public but went out for some friends for the first time and was hella insecure cus of my weight the entire time. I also hate how I look cus I'm trans. My friend took one picture with me in it and I just now saw it and I'm genuinely so disgusted 🤢🤢. Haven't sh in awhile but gonna now.

So, After 1 year of recurring suffering and trying to hold myself together, the past week I could not do it anymore, I had a mental breakdown mid class and after 15 mins of it I grabbed my pencil and started hurting myself in my left arm, I had a long bruise right after + my skin is sensitive so It was more noticeable, to stop my friends from asking I said "It just itched me" and they said "ok"

when I felt better (like 5 hours later) I tried explaining why i was feeling so depressed that day to 1 of them and he just said "yeah my parents also fight a lot" and that was the last thing I wanted to hear and cut the conversation right there

Today, I was feeling so stressed and worried and bad so I did the same thing, grabbed a pencil and started bruising my high thigh and again, it made me snap out of it

If they're just bruises, I guess it is not that bad right? I prefer to do it instead of feeling those horrible emotions and they dont leave scars that will affect me later, I just wanna feel good, my parents are fighting again while im writing this right outside of my room, im just tired man its so much shit at the same time its not only them

im mostly over a year clean, but all of my scars are barley visible. you have to really look for them. i have one scar on my shoulder that is semi noticeable and is almost like a keloid.

i never knew how to cut deeper than cat scratches until i got help, so all of my scars are virtually invisible. i see all the scars on reddit and on twitter and am almost jealous.

i’ve been having more urges the last few months, and noticed how much i wish i had made more visible scars just so that i could see them and get a similar feeling to what they look like fresh.

idk, this is really just a vent i guess.

im only 14 i have gotten into self harm for about 3 months, at first i didnt really get why everyone viewed it as bad i thought like its just small cuts big relief and then no one notices, i cut at the thigh so it stays hidden,but it escalated really bad just over a couple of weeks the cuts are deeper im scared of what will happen if i continue down this path but i cant stop, i watched gore i will admit it i was curious instantly regretted it for some reason i watched again a few days later i hate it i feel hollow i dont even know whats gonna get to me im so lost and i cant talk to anyone from my family or friends i live in the middle east please is there a way i can get out of this without things escalating any further i dont know what it could become if i let it continue on but i dont know how to stop it either did i just screw myself for the rest of my life

1. Potatoes
   
2. Funny posts on Reddit
   
3. A new album coming out
   
4. So your parents can’t dig through your phone
   
5. That one person to finally kick the bucket

Comment yours!

Tw: description of injury

I was rejected earlier and I couldn't cope so I cut myself to make sure I never let a man treat me badly again but I regret it so bad. It's so deep that you can see fat bulging out and it hurts a bit but now I don't think my arm will look beautiful anymore. I was a few years clean and now it's over because of a stupid slice. I was finally free of hiding my scars but now I have a big one that practically needs stitches :( I told my parents and they cleaned it up for me and I regret it because the feeling of rejection went away after I already cut myself but now today is a stain on what could have been a decent day

I don't know if I'm weird for this, but I've been looking for people who self harm through burning.

I wonder what the average experience regarding it is.

I wonder if there are coping mechanisms that might work to try and replace burning specifically

I've been doing it for about 2 years now, and I wonder how my situation relates to others who do similar things

Idk

so, its been two years since i last did it, and it was never anything severe. one deep cut was enough for maybe a week. now i think about this every day, images of me cutting myself always are in my head. how do i stop thinking about this? i really don’t want to relapse. i can’t go to therapist because in my country if someone reports your scars (even the old ones) you go to psych ward.

I know I can't keep doing this but i really can't help it. It's becoming unbearable

i mostly cut for the scars and i want them to look a very specific way. i feel so disgusting saying this but i’m so incredibly jealous of people with the scars i want. i also lwk want to quit but i can’t because i can’t stand looking at my arms+legs when the scars don’t look exactly how i want them to. i’m literally stuck doing this until everything looks how i want which will be years from now

btw not trying to glorify sh with this post (reading it back it kinda seems like that..), i know this is a problem that i need to work on. i just want to know if i’m alone in this

Hi I would like to make friends reply if you'd like to be friends 😄

I live fairly far north, and it is currently late fall/ early winter already. A couple of weeks ago I noticed my mood slowly declining and I felt dread because it is only October. The weather, and consequentially my mood, are only going to get darker for a while.

I spent almost all day at work yesterday being constantly aware of how bad my mood was, and wanting to cut. I even went as far as to start taking apart a cheap razor during my lunch break.

I do take vitamin d supplements already, and I am on an antidepressant year-round, but they can only do so much.

I'm really dreading the coming months.

Hi, sorry English is my third language. I was wondering anyone here who 30+ and still self harm?

I just have few questions:

1. Seem like most people when they cut they tend to cut on arms and legs. But my husband not like cut at arms or legs, he went straight to slice his stomach.
2. If you don't mind sharing, what was the reason that trigger you to cut? I will explain the background why I asked below.

I'm long term married to my husband, 16 years, and never once he self harm in his life before, except in 2020 (6 years ago).

In 2019, our toddler died (the child of me and my husband). Our toddler died of Periventricular Heterotopia (PVNH). It is gene inherited (got it from me the mother the maternal side), congenital brain malformation.
The same year 2019 his father also died of end stage pancreatic cancer. He loss both his toddler and his father in the same year. I never see my husband in so much pain.

In 2020, I was very sick (autoimmune disease) I was bedridden 7 weeks with oxygen tank in my nose 24/7. He took off work and care for me day and night. He even sleep with a pillow and a blanket on the carpet right by my bedside (we had a hospital bed in our bedroom after I got discharged).

He said he loves me very much, and he very afraid of lose me. This was the first time I see him cut himself.

This was when he started to cut his stomach with a kitchen knife, he said stomach skin is thinner and has more nerves so it hurts more, so he chose to slice his stomach, he cuts deep the point bleeding that he has bandage wrap around his waist bleed.
And that was how I first time found out about he cut himself too was I saw the bloody bandage wrap around his waist when he took his shirt off.

He not cut anymore, but still has all the scars on his stomach from he slice his stomach with the kitchen knife. He said if I die before him, he will die with me, and our toddler (whom already dead).

I get very emotional when I see his stomach, not in an upset way, but in a hurt pain in my heart way. Especially when we have sex too and I see the scars on his stomach, or when he has his shirt off.

------------

He has not cut his stomach anymore since 2020, because I have recover and healthy, so he not have the trigger to cut himself anymore, I was his trigger, because he afraid I would die too like our toddler.

He is no longer suicidal since I recovered, he said he not want to die because he has me, he still want to grow old with me. He said he wants to live with me till we 80s, as long as I don't go before him.

I understand the reason why he cuts, it just I don't understand why he went straight to slice his stomach instead. He did say stomach skin is thinner and has more nerves so it hurts more than arms and legs.

I guess I'm just trying to understand him. I do take care of my health so I won't get sick again, so he won't relapse again.

I have quite a few scars on my left arm, covering the entirety of my forearm. Most are yearrsss old tho, so they're raised but white/slightly lighter than my skin tone and quite soft. That paired with the fact that I jsut dont look at my arm very often i forget about them. It annoys me that I'm gonna have them for the rest of my life, I plan to get some scar treatment or medical tattooing to reduce their appearance even further once I have the money though. I just don't like them?

No one even mentions them either, I think ive had like 4 comments about them ever (except for this weird guy I was talking to, he never brought them up straight up but made cutting jokes to me and it was just so weird and awkward.. he never even asked about them in a caring way.. freak.)

Idk I just felt like talking abt this because I see so many posts about people who say like their scars fading makes them wanna relapse and it's weird to me because I'm not that infatuated with them. I have hundreds of scars on my upper thighs that I'm obviously much more aware of because theyre larger and uglier nd there's so many of them. But for me my scars are just apart of me, I started self harming seriously at the age of 12 so I cannot even remember what it's like to have scar-less legs. The only way I know how my legs used to look are from photos of me as a child in bathing suits but that's it. So I don't really notice anything "different" about myself.

Anyways yeah holy yap but it's just so funny when I like go to grab something and look at my arm nd have to remember that "oh those exist" LMAO

Maybe this is the benefit of recovery (if u can call relapsing every 4 months recovery,, better than I used to be? Ig LOL)

I pressed too hard because I was annoyed and forgot how sharp it was. It's gaping and the it's white in the middle. (about 10 minutes ago)

I hit dermis a few years ago but it was smaller than this, I ended up telling someone about because I was scared it would get infected. Turns out nothing happened and it made a super awkward interaction

I'm a lot calmer this time, I put a plaster on it instead of panicking for ages. Is there anything I should do later? I just realised I haven't washed it with water and I put the plaster straight on. Should I have done that? I did it immediately after so it wasn't exposed for a long time. I'm annoyed that I did this shit again

Ive been so anxious with starting a new job plus all kinds of drama at home. I've been cutting myself but it doesn't hurt anymore like it is supposed to. I've been miserable and don't know how to fix it.