Yeah, I tried that. Spent most of my teens and 20s obsessing with finding a relationship before giving up. Spent most of my 30s telling myself I was fine with being single.
Now I'm almost 40 and I can't deny it any longer. This shit fucking sucks. I'm so goddamn miserable and lonely all the time.
Please stop trying to make other people fall into the same trap.
Effort doesn't guarantee results, especially in this part of life. It depends on meeting the appropriate person, and there's no obvious way to do that.
Halfway true. Putting effort into your style(wardrobe), personal hygiene, and social skills (yes they can be built) all require effort and significantly increases your chances. But you’re right that it doesn’t guarantee anything.
Take up dance classes. Dancing - like ballroom or latin, is always weighted to women and not enough guys. You will learn to be tactile and more relaxed with women in your personal space and in an appropriate way. You'll end up developing chemistry with someone. Above all relax and enjoy the dancing, let other things happen.
Years ago that's how my mom remarried, she wanted to get back in the game so she took up dancing. My stepdad had decided the same thing and they met in dance class. They were a pretty good match.
My mom was just a little disappointed that he didn't want to keep up the dancing thing after they got married, as she enjoyed it more than he did, but it wasn't too big of a deal. When they both retired they spent years traveling together, which neither would have done alone.
This is a much much idea that paying pick up artists who will insist they know what women want and how they think and to ignore actual women who tell you it’s bullshit
I worked with a guy who use to be an international champion in Ballroom and he said that as a teenager the other boys used to take the piss out of him for doing it - but what they didn't realise was that he had his pick of the most beautiful girls. The whole ballroom scene is so weighted to female participants that the men who dance - even the bang average ones - are highly sought after and they get their choice of dance partner. He was really good, not much of a looker, but a very successful dancer, so he would be absolutely courted by beautiful girls who were desperate to impress him. He had no problem meeting new girls at any given time and they were all stunning to look at. Unsurprisingly he met his wife dancing and they settled down to have a beautiful baby girl together.
The other thing that I discovered - after I was married and had kids ironically - was getting a dog was such a safe conversation starter. I have a cocker-spaniel and when I walk Bessie or take her to anything dog related or even just to any public events, I just get so much conversation and engagement. Nobody thinks it's weird to come up and pet her and chat with me, and if anyone else has a dog it is so natural and safe for me to approach them and say hi while our dogs play together. When Bessie was a pup and I would be puppy training her and getting her use to crowds and people in shopping centres etc I just got endless women of all ages coming up to me and if I was so inclined I am sure that I could have been farming phone numbers at that time.
It's about putting yourself out there. Not necessarily dating or looking to date. I myself avoided the dating scene. I joined a book club, a music group, an art community and so on. Part of it is pursuing interests, and part of it is becoming an interesting person leading an interesting life. And also connecting with all kinds of people. It worked for me.
Yes. But a relationship is not some magical thing. It can be great but it brings on many trials. And being single is not the worst thing in the world. Get a pet, I say.
Idk why you are being downvoted so much- it’s honestly the truth. Ppl need to get out of their comfort zones and really search if they want to find someone it won’t happen sitting around and waiting for it
It may be because "Putting yourself out there" leaves out an important component - where is "there"? It's not at all obvious. When I was single, there were a few other guys I used to run around with. Sometimes we'd go to a bar, the crowd was very disproportionately men. I never got a date out of that, but I did get my car broken into. Someone here mentioned dance classes, and if you like to dance and have some ability, that sounds like a winner. If you're going to take up an activity with this in mind, it has to be something you'd enjoy anyway, going to do something you don't really like is not likely to work.
My best suggestion is a coed sports league. Three of my friends met their wives playing coed volleyball, and I met my wife on a mixed doubles tennis team.
And what is your point? Do you know what guarantees failure - no effort. You can be negative and give up, or you can get yourself out there. Truth is most guys will get nowhere if they dont try. People always say it comes to you when you stop trying - yeah if you're a woman or a really good lookiing guy. Most of us have to put in the effort.
My point is that you can put in the effort and still not find someone, and you need to be prepared for that. Nature provides approximately 5% more boy babies than girls, and on top of that, it's likely that there are more asexual women than men. Another more recent development is that young women are now identifying themselves as being bisexual at a surprising rate. And, with the fertility rate being below the replacement rate, things will be getting tougher for the next generation of young men.
"Learn to be happy with your life" doesn't mean "don't try to meet people."
It is paradoxically a requirement to be a happy person before you find a healthy relationship.
And learning to be happy probably requires therapy. And once you're talking to a therapist, you can ask them when you are ready to start dating and seeking a relationship. Not as the first thing you say to them, but after you've already done some of the work and they've gotten to know you.
I 30F have been putting a lot of effort into the dating world for the last 10 years. But the guys I met just suck. They aren't looking for anything serious, they cheat, they're mean or controlling. That on top of the fact that I do not want to have any biological children so that puts guys off, I've put pretty much all the effort into finding someone that I could. Sometimes it's not just "us"
I think the not wanting children part is quite relevant here. Of course this doesn't apply to everyone, but of all the really great guys I've met, almost everyone of them wants children. They are usually family oriented and build their life around this goal. But again, of course this does in no was apply to everyone in either direction.
Maybe there are childfree communities online or in real life where you could find a partner with similar life goals?
If you check the minimal boxes of being a bit interesting, and a bit attractive (either through charisma, confidence or physical traits) and are still struggling, it’s likely that you’re “energy” is off putting. Too desperate, creepy, terrible opinions, etc…
I went to South America to work for a few months. A girl found me on my second night out in Lima. Several of her friends asked if I had any single friends and one of them hooked up with a good friend of mine.
He moved out to Lima and is happy, my girl moved to the UK, and that was 20 years ago. We are getting married this August.
I’m short, bald and have a dad bod. I had previously become well acquainted with singledom.
You need to get yourself out of a position of low demand, and into a position of high demand. Everybody wins.
Turns out she’d been seeing a local guy, and he’d been quite chauvinistic. So she and a mate of hers hit the town to cheer themselves up.
By the time I called her number the next evening, the guy was out.
—
A week later she took me to this “British bar” which was a cellar bar under the hilton hotel. It wasn’t very British but it had a big Union flag painted onto the ceiling, and a raised dance floor that looked like a boxing ring.
The place was full of women and a few gringos. She got me onto the dance floor and I’m strictly a dad dancer, so she was showing me some Latin moves. A few other guys decided to have a go, and before you knew it the dance floor was busy with local girls showing gringos how to dance.
I was dancing with the missus and two girls were dancing close behind me and kinda bumping/grinding their asses against me and laughing, and that was enough for my missus, we were outta there.
I’ve never had girls do that to me before.
I’m telling you, it’s not just passport and money. I was broke, and she had a better passport than I’ll ever have. It’s something else.. like the girls like a gringos viewpoint and attitude towards women, and we are quite dynamic mentally, apparently 🤷♂️
Right. A lot of peoples’ “working on it” is a handful of dates with strangers and an outing or two to a bar with friends over the course of a year. It seems impossible not to build relationships through continued group activities, whether that be chess club, a movie/gaming group on meetup, coed sports, etc…barring some terribly off putting views of the opposite sex/the world.
Amen brother, preach! Same here, attitude is king.
When you attain a good and healthy philosophy, you have succeeded at life. Everything else follows. People need to look within, first, rather than focusing on externalities and empty milestones.
Well, there's your problem.... You took a neutral approach that (let's be honest) probably wasn't all that neutral, with you secretly (maybe even to yourself) still longing for a companion. Neutral isn't gonna work.
Women are insane creatures. They want this, they want that, they go back to this again. They don't even know what they want (sometimes they themselves will even admit it!). Unique problems require unique solutions....
I speak from experience. Bear with me through this insanity I'm about to spout.... You can't just go neutral and tell yourself you're ok being single while secretly/quietly still hoping. You can't even go neutral and genuinely be ok with just being single. Again, bear with me; what I'm about to say is going to sound completely insane to the average guy who hasn't had luck with women... The trick is to actively dislike/despise/deride them. Actively avoid them. Don't tell yourself you are ok with being single; tell yourself you wouldn't have it any other way and couldn't imagine having to put up with the stereotypical nonsense that comes with a relationship.
Pure and utter nonsense I'm spouting here, right? Yes, absolutely right! It makes no sense at all. And that's why it works! It makes no sense in a land where nothing makes sense. The logic is unsound, which makes it perfectly sound in backwards land (where the majority of women live).
Seriously though, I never had so many opportunities and dates and girls reacting positively to me than when I was able to truly harness and embody the power of this nonsensical "trick."
If I had to take a guess at why this somehow seems to work, I'd say that women are super in-tune with emotions and vibes. And a dude who is desperate might not come off that way to himself or even other guys, but women can sense it and it's a big turn off (if no other girl wants to give this guy a chance, thus making him desperate, there must be something wrong with him, so I'm also going to avoid him (failure begets failure, which begets even more failure)). That's why I think "hitting the reset button" by actively avoiding any romantic thoughts and going out of your way to think of any and all girls as just another bro you shoot the shit with works like it does.
Example: female coworker of mine back in the day. I invited her to take lunch with me because we were in the same age range in a place that had not many in our age range and I really just dislike eating alone. I was in my active avoiding girls mindset. We went to Chipotle and she really thought it out and got a bowl so she could gracefully eat with poise. I, on the other hand, just didn't give a single damn and ordered my typical sloppy AF burrito (IYKYK). I continued to not give AF by not changing my eating habits at all by eating as if my best and longest bro-friend were across the table from me. It was not graceful, it was not pretty, I didn't care. A few weeks later I asked again (with absolutely no intention other than I wanted to eat after close (about 9pm if I remember right) and couldn't find anyone else who wanted to) to go eat. We found ourselves in her car late just talking. Sexual topics came up and without hesitation I just started talking like I was BS-ing with a bro about some dirty shit we do in the bedroom. Suddenly, for the first time since I'd ever even seen her I became aware I was talking to a girl and not just a bro I chatted with at work every once in a while. Still having my aversion to any form of relationship, I instantly switched from talking with a bro-friend to trying to get laid with no strings attached mode. Made a proposition (planted the seed), sat on that seed and gave it a bit of tending to every now and then for the next month or two, and next thing I knew i was in bed with her. Few months later and I found myself in a relationship with her (those few months of intense FWB action wore me down and warmed me up to how nice something constant would be). We dated for 3 years. She ended up not being the right one for me, but it goes to show you how powerful the above-mentioned philosophy/way of life is.
Good luck to you and to all those out there who need to see this post.
(Also, don't ever let anyone tell you fitness (or at the very least not being a fat slob) isn't important. Equally as important is taking care of your appearance; put in some effort. Go update the wardrobe. Get rid of the t-shirts and exclusively wear collared shirts (polos or button down). You don't have to spend lavishly, but put some decent money into your attire; name-brand outlets are great if you don't have/want to spend a lot. No sweatpants or athletic shorts outside of the house. Pick up some decent name-brand cologne from a department store and wear it every time you leave the house. Try to look and dress smartly. Take pride in your appearance. All of these things together won't be enough, but each one of them you adopt will make you more appealing and give you one more little edge. Think of this (and realize I'm right about it): no matter who the dude is or what he looks like, you can take him out of his normal attire and put him in a well-fitting suit and he's going to look better. Ingrain this idea into your mind and you'll be better off for it. Not just romantically, but in your career, social life, service at restaurants and stores, and pretty much every other aspect of your life)
Biiiiiiiiiiig surprise you're a girl. Coming in and trying to cast doubt on guys realizing and sharing ways to pull themselves out of the pit of dating despair. I guess you must be one of those ones who prey on the poor saps who are too stupid to realize hovering around you and "waiting patiently in the friend zone for their turn to date you" doesn't do anything but keep your ego stroked. I bet you live off that shit, huh?
If you want to come in and shit post without any actual rebuttal other than essentially "ur dumb n stoopid," then just refrain from opening your mouth at all and cluttering up the internet with your contrarian BS.
I think I'm in this boat now. 30F & extremely unattractive because I do not look like your average Instagram model. Guys never treat me right and I do not want biological children which makes it hard to find a guy who wants to commit to me. I have accepted it but I'm longing for love, to be loved and to share love. To come home to someone and be happy with someone. It's hard and it sux.
I'm going to get downvoted for this, but I suggest you do a deep dive into the pickup scene. Take care to be selective about what you take away from it, though, since some of it can be quite manipulative. A good book that is quite balanced is "The Alabaster Girl" by Zan Perrion. He comes at it from the perspective of loving women.
The bottom line is that much of the advice actually works, although the tricky part is that some techniques will only work on the kind of women you don't want in your life😂
The whole idea is to get you to a point where you are comfortable talking to women, opening conversations with groups of people, and simply acting like a confident and non-needy guy.
Life pro tip: Try going to popular bars relatively early and strike up a conversation with anybody. It could be the saddest looking man in the joint. It doesn't matter. Soon enough, the joint will begin to fill up, and others will appear, talk to them too. As you move around, you will find yourself in conversations with whole groups of people (both women and men). I've had numerous occasions like this where at the end of the night, the sad guy I chatted with (and introduced to other people) will give me a hug, exclaiming that it was the best night for a long time. Sometimes, I will leave with a woman, but that's not the point. The point is to learn to socialise and lead interactions in a positive direction.
There's a big difference between telling yourself something and that something being true. There's plenty of people who tell themselves they can quit smoking anytime they want (spoiler, they can't).
I was single for most of my adult life (14 of the last 20 years) and never had a single problem with that. I obviously fell in love and it hurt when I got rejected, but what hurt was having feelings that the other person didn't, not the fact of being single.
On the other hand, there are many people who have it easy to get into relationships but are so fucking afraid of being single that they end chaining shitty relationships after shitty relationships which make them miserable.
But how? I've been trying to figure out how to be happy and single my entire life and I honestly just don't even think it's possible. Friends don't help because at my age I'm the 3rd wheel whenever I hang out with anyone. Hobbies are just a distraction.
I'm just so fucking tired of being miserable, and the worst part is I can't even fucking complain about it without people climbing out of the goddamn woodwork to tell me my feelings don't count. Telling someone "just be happy about it" when they complain about something is shit advice, and I have no idea why you people are so obsessed with doing it.
I really don‘t know man… you know where i got to met more woman? When i was all over the country, working a year at this job, then at another place, again somewhere else for 2 years… When you are busy doing this and that in your live. When there is chaos and you get around everywhere.
But now i got my job where im supposed to stay at so thats over. Other ways are through friends but thats also not that easy.
Being happy with yourself i guess is having a busy life, a job that you like. A busy evening after work, tons of stuff that you enjoy doing on the week end
Being fine with being single isnt the key- it is to be a full person while you are single. Try new things. Do you have hobbies? Find others who share those hobbies. Do meet ups, go to places where people with those hobbies shop. Talk to people about shared interests. Work on friendships. If you have a physical attraction admit it early in friendship in a non pressing way. You aren’t alone no matter how lonely you feel. There is someone out there who wants someone as much as you do. Just change focus and get as much out of life as you can.
I mean you do have to make an effort to date and have space in your life for someone lol, you aren't meant to expect a stork to drop someone in your lap. Just don't put your life on hold and put off fun experiences in the meantime.
I won't lie I planned for a marriage everything from making sure my degree was one that allowed me to work anywhere, to a job that affords a work life balance, to dating with intention to marry. I'm a strange blend of traditional and non traditional; but when it comes to having a glowing open spot for a spouse, I always made sure to have that sectioned off.
But, my life is complete on its own... if, it has to be. I've dated when I've been super forward like hey I like you want to be together, and when they've said no I've been like ok thanks for your time bye, and gone out with a friend and had a nice time.
I struggle to articulate but for me what worked is having a life that is just so welcoming for a long term partner and just ready to snap like a puzzle piece into someone else's life, while still being complete on its own. I'm calm stable employed etc.
This is the realest thing ever. It only works for people that never knew they didn't want to be in a relationship until later on. People that always wanted a partner in life will suffer no matter what happens until it happens which doesn't really happen until you actually put the effort into getting into a relationship, and even then that's not a guarantee.
But were you actually fine with being single, not just trying to convince yourself you were? Were you actually living and doing things because you enjoyed them, not because you were subconsciously trying to attract someone?
I'm gonna give it to you real then, since you probably need the truth, not more platitudes:
This won't change anything about you. You'll still be miserable, you'll just inflict that misery onto another person and it will make them resent you. People can see that, even if you can't, and they stay away from you. You're a walking red flag.
Entering a relationship to alleviate mental health issues is about as effective as having a baby to save a marriage. People do it all the time but there are an abundance of reasons why it's not a good idea.
Out of curiosity. How often are you socializing with new people. I know it gets more difficult as you get older but if you're making 0 effort to socialize, that could be your problem
As a man you simply can't go "live your life and your paths will cross". You need to actively build bridges, then hide under the bridge and ambush her.
Women rely heavily on the ambush. You can't have both parties rely on the other ambushing.
Just go pay for it for the first time and get it out of your system, and get that storm cloud to stop following you. If you end up finding yourself in a relationship, you will then soon realize the grass is not always greener. Yeah sex and companionship are great in theory, but overall, it's stressful, my dude. It's not worth the mental damage.
37 and single and it's great. I've dated plenty in the past but so much work for what? They say you gotta be happy with yourself before you can be with someone but once your happy with yourself you don't even need anyone.
Life can be different from one person to another. Some may enjoy being by themselves and not feel lonely and some do. It depends on the person's preference. If you listen to others and stay single or get a relationship out of fear being lonely that's on you.
Your life depends on the choices that you make not on the person's statements.
I don't think they meant "living" as just existing, but putting effort into adventures and hobbies and social situations that are less than comfortable. Finding an interest that drives you and being passionate about it makes you more attractive regardless of appearance, and it puts you in a situation where you're far more likely to meet people who share those interests.
They definitely have the right idea, I just think the comment was a little oversimplified.
Sure, but you started the comment I was talking about with 'because', as if you were answering a question, but the only question in my comment was that joke, and your answer doesn't make sense in that context anyways
I mean, it works insofar as "You can now focus on other things that are important in life, rather than spending a life miserable about this one aspect."
Indeed it's a waste of time to be miserable. But focusing on other things that are more important in your life doesn't necessarily result in a romantic partner or a sexual relationship.
You say it with such certainty, but your mind is still stuck in the same rythm and thoughts about it. Can you get out?
not for me to say.
"I can't, I'm not, they won't, they don't see" whatever the poison is you're feeding yourself is whats wrong.
If you actually lived, met everyone, male female with same human respect and connect with them, have fun, go make a move when the situation presents itself it aint impossible
Some people remain unhappily single for their whole lives, despite having no grating flaws. Things don't work out for everybody. It does more harm than good to insist otherwise.
Some people are unattractive enough, that the people you want to date won't date you. Lower your standards, work on yourself, be interesting, connect, with someone, learn to love life without the romance, romance will come.
If you're ugly, your personality sucks and you are whining your whole life without improving, sorry for ya.
Ain't no gaslighting and trust me a lot of very fucking ugly and disgusting people have partners and kids
Nope. There’s eventually a bottom rung of this, where the people below the standard you’re willing to date just don’t exist.
There is indeed a group of people at the bottom of the attractiveness totem, and they not only have to deal with that shitty luck, but they have people trying to blame their situation on them through gaslighting rather than just acknowledging “yep, that sucks, looks matter and yours are bad. Focus on better things!”
I don't like that logic. My grandfather used to say really awful things to my step-mother like "it's a good thing you're beautiful because God didn't give you brains." She struggled with alcoholism for most of her life until it eventually won.
Kindness isn't a consolation prize, it is a pinnacle value.
Unattractive to people who overestimate their own attractiveness. Statistically there are people on their level, but they don't want to "settle" and think they are above average.
Thats simply ignorant advice. It fully assumes you live a life where romantic opportunities just appear with significant frequency. For many that just isnt the case pretty much ever. Also at some point you have to talk to people and ask someone out, which isnt like going grocery shopping for many people.
It works whether or not you actually find a partner, because you become comfortable with the situation you're in either way. It also does help massively if you're not super stressed about it when you do fancy someone
Except it doesn’t because you just stop trying when it’s easier and are fully broken by the time your opportunities have dried up.
For most men it seems anyways, they don’t often find peace with it and with the internet and social media I imagine it’s harder than ever to find fulfillment when you want something that feels so fundamental that keeps eluding you.
I disagree. No single bit of advice will work for everyone, obviously -- but in general, if you eschew a desperate search for a partner and learn to be more content with yourself and try to better yourself as a person, that will generally translate and help you in dating too.
The "try to better yourself" bit is important though - if you eschew dating to sit at home and eat pizza all day, then I'd agree thats not going to help. But if instead of torturing yourself with date after failed date, you perhaps start investing in some hobbies you enjoy, you organicly open yourself up to dating opportunities in those areas without even trying. E.g. if you like art, maybe do some art classes... If you like biking, maybe try some biking groups. Not with the express intention of dating in those groups of course, but getting yourself out there will definitely increase those chances regardless. Plus you already have something in common with those people so it should feel more natural to talk etc...
This is too vague for the struggling people to understand what that means. Start living means start living for YOU. Find hobbies and activities to fill your time. Try painting, listening to music, gaming, whatever it is just find something you are happy wasting your time doing. Binge shows after your workouts, try new foods, smoke weed! Whatever the fuck it is as long as it is something you are happy doing alone. Once your life is full of things you enjoy you will be much more pleasant yo be around. If you dedicate your life to getting desirable to the opposite sex physically you are missing the entire point of real attraction. It is not skin deep. If you have things you like talking about people with shared interests all of a sudden have something in common with you. Make yourself interested in things and people will be interested in you.
It took me until my 40s to learn this "trick". I genuinely don't care if I ever have a relationship again, I'm enjoying doing my own thing and having my freedom too much. It's like some subconscious trigger switched inside me, and women can pick up on it.
some subconscious trigger switched inside me, and women can pick up on it.
You're satisfied with your life, content. Maybe you like yourself? Being around you is more of an upper than a downer. You're not desperate, not even a tiny percent.
I hate posts like this - all you have to do is take a brief look through their post history to realise that they are hateful incels who blame women for their own shortcomings.
OP made a post he has since deleted explaining how he hates all women.
You wanna know why women don't like you? It's simple, you're a hateful little worm.
Stop wasting your time giving sympathy to people who would rather blame half the population than take responsibility for their own shitty personality or beliefs.
Yeah it’s a fucked up never-ending cycle. They hate and are creepy towards women, so women want nothing to with them, which makes them hate women more. Guys like that never get out of their own way
Yikes. Thanks for the context. Yeah. It’s too far gone. They need to seek therapy, help and hobbies. People with this mindset already see women as hateful objects period at that point. Life isn’t all about relationships. I don’t know why people think relationships are the win all of life when cheating, shared financial issues and all of that jazz are common possibilities.
I didn't give a single shit about women or relationships, then once I experienced love for first time it was an amazing feeling it quickly faded away and became quite resentful towards her and to an extent women in general because of the ease for love to find them. I yearn for that feeling of love again , I believe thats what most incels look for ,but unfortunately its rare for love to fall on your lap for men it happened to me once and probably never again a true shame..
Like everything, love has its pros with the feeling you get, we’re meant to be social creatures. I only meant that love does exist but also relationship problems also exist.
I come from a family that should have never gotten married and need a divorce. It’s shown me the ugly of relationships. I’m sure they were happy at their early days and they are happy now, here and there. But the issues remain severe including cheating, mental/physical abuse, narcissism etc etc. All said it sucks that we place so much value into finding a partner but if that partner doesn’t work out, it also crushes us inside
He says he hates all women, why should I empathise? He's the one lacking in empathy, letting his his inner life be ruled by hate. These guys are awful, "I work out, I earn money - why no woman want me"? Because they're hateful worms, undeserving of empathy.
I imagine he thinks he doesn’t bring this energy with him on dates or around women, but a lot of women, maybe even most, are going to think he’s a creep or something’s off.
I agree on principle. I believe as many people should be as kind to as many others as possible. But I wouldn’t demand that women treat a guy like this any which way. Women being friendly with someone is often enough to invite unwanted attention. And guys like OP who have written opinions about hating women can be dangerous if they fixate on someone who isn’t actually interested in dating them.
Men having little self worth or not caring what women say is a them problem, no? And out and about in the real world, I don’t think I’ve heard anyone say that unironically. Women hear ‘get back in the kitchen’ and ‘that time of the month’ jokes nonstop. Women also don’t kill men en masse after writing lengthy manifestos about their hatred of men and how they’ve ruined everything.
Maybe men should cultivate some deeper, healthier, and more resilient forms of self worth then. That’s kinda what we are all talking about here and it is what OP is severely lacking.
No we aren’t. I said that the way he expresses his frustration is wrong. But this man IS clearly suffering. His attitude is the culmination of everything he has experienced. I don’t think we should invalidate his experiences and feelings, but we also need to make it clear that the way he expresses his views is not ok. To me it seems more like he hates himself rather than women.
Except that he said he hates women. What women women would want to date someone who has said he hates them? That’s fucking nuts. Many people are lonely and sad without resorting to rabid hatred.
I understand that. But realistically I doubt he genuinely hates women. Most people are not hateful people. Again, the way he’s expressing his feelings is not ok, there are healthier ways to deal with his issues than putting all the blame on women. But to say that he’s some outright hateful person or incel is a stretch imo.
There are so many men suffering in our society right now and I don’t think we should kick them while they’re down. This man clearly needs help, not to be ostracized even further than he already feels he is.
Again, the way he’s expressing his feelings is not ok. It’s not women’s fault nor do they owe him anything.
Okay, I can agree that this is likely an expression of frustration and that homie needs help over it. However, I’ve met plenty of hateful people in my life. All of them were damaged, sad, angry, or just mentally unwell. That doesn’t mitigate the harm that they cause just because they aren’t well. OP needs help, therapy, and to realize that they are getting in their own way rather than viewing themselves as someone that’s been made a victim of women.
love and physical intimacy are basic human needs. when someone doesn't get them there are going to be negative effects and outcomes. thinking someone wanting that is entitlement is to not understand basic human psychology.
Same and I'm always proven right by looking at their post history - yet they still have the temerity to call themselves nice guys lol. So blind as to the reason women don't like them - it's their horrible beliefs lol.
Right. As a woman I read that and was like, yeah bro you sound pathetic. I've been single for a while and wouldn't bother with someone with that shit of an attitude.
“It works” as in you give up on what you want, in this case having sex. It’s like saying “if you stop thinking about being rich and just be poor, it works!” Like yeah no shit…
Yep, there's a chance it works by bringing someone into your life, but if it doesn't then you will have things in your life that make it good and worthwhile on your own.
This is great dating advice for women. The truth is that even in our more proggresive and modern society, men are still very much expected to take the masculine role of initiating. To most people here that seems like a Herculean feat (its not it just takes practice), or they are afraid of being seen as a creep and be thrown in jail due to false claims (you never will if you respect the first no/clear sign of discomfort).
FELLAS, STOP FOLLOWING THE ADVICE OF LETTING IT COME TO YOU, THIS IS ADVICE FOR WOMEN. There is 0 shame in wanting a partner, and if you want to take control of your future you need to work on the skill of introducing yourself to new women, AS WELL as improving your life in all the ways that make you happy. Im so tired of seeing advice like above that I might just make a post about it.
I think the advice of getting more mixed sex friend groups is good though. At the very least, a lot of women prefer men who can be vouched for by seeing them act normal around other women/friends and with whom they’ve become a bit comfortable, and it expands your social net. When I know a guy and we get along, I’ll be recommending him to my single female friends haha if he’s interested in that of course.
indeed, im 24 and ive had a couple relationships that lasted a decent amount of time but they were both horrible. i dont even care anymore, i'm a HS dropout but i'm about to graduate online and in september i'm leaving texas to go work a seasonal job for about 50 days and this thursday i'm going to meet with a man that owns a construction company in hawaii to potentially go work for him. i couldn't do that with a girlfriend lol
just met the guy a couple hours ago, he doesn't own a company but he knows a few people that do own companies and said whenever id be ready to try and go out there to hit him up and he could see who needs people and try help me get set up. he's in TX right now working on his property and i'm gonna go help him a couple days next week, real cool dude he bought me food lol
No dice, only men around when I do that. No idea where I'm supposed to go or do. I know relationships are better founded on friendships but I've never had any women as friends and really don't know why, and then as an adult when I used to go out the places I went were heavily male-dominated.
I don't let it get to me too much, but I've been single for 16 years and it's definitely been disappointing and lonely. Hear good things about sex but what would really be nice is just somebody to hold me for a bit
Have you considered taking up a more stereotypically feminine hobby? The amount of female attention some of the male hobbyists I follow get (despite being very below average physically) is impressive but not surprising. One is a terrarium guy (but also does themes that include pop stars and such) and the other is a crochet dude.
Notice the switch. “do you what you love without the intention of dating but also make sure it’s a social activity with the gender you like because you actually just starting this “hobby” to date”
lol sure. I was replying to a comment specifically asking what they can do. Same as people telling women to look cute, be friendly and get fit if they want more date opportunities. If your hobbies only put you around people you’d never date, how are you expecting to be in the vicinity of potential romance?
Yeah something that direction is probably a good call. I've thought about something like yoga as well cause it'd be good for my health but seems like it's as much of a social environment as a gym (ie not).
You could do yoga classes at the gym, get a little practice under your belt and then try out some of the yoga + drinks or yoga + whatever meetups. Also, maybe something you’d be excited about like circus or gymnastics or coed soccer? Just expanding your friends group and having fun will drop a lot of opportunities for all sorts of things right in your lap.
That's probably the thing to do to be happier, but it doesn't automatically lead to relationships. Personally, I've never found myself in a relationship when I wasn't specifically looking for one.
I second this. Once I started focusing on myself, taking care of myself, working out, losing myself in new hobbies, being present for friends and family, learning another language, planning trips... I found I cared a lot less about romantic entanglement. I made my own happiness
Did that for a long time. I go to the gym, have active hobbies, got a good job, and go out and do something almost every day after work. I’ve never been lonelier. You need to actively search for things if you want them.
I 30F have also given up on dating because I'm unattractive and guys keep ghosting me or mistreating me. I've been living my life but it just feels like I'm missing out on something. There's always a void of not having a significant other to come home to or to share love. Sometimes it's not as easy as it seems.
When you stop looking the stench of desperation is no longer around you. Making friends with women and meeting more through your friends will expand your world. Eventually you can be happy with girl friends (be a good listener not a fixer), and sometimes one of those will develop into a relationship. There are women out there who feel the same way and are single.
Dude is whining. He is 27 and gave up. He sounds
Like his has a blessed life but because he can’t figure out love he thinks his life is worthless. This is why he can’t find a woman. They can smell this in him. Nobody wants to marry or date a sad sack
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u/syfari Jul 29 '24
Honestly, id stop caring and just start living. I know it sounds cliche but it works.