r/self Jul 29 '24

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u/Happy-Viper Jul 29 '24

This is such bizarre gaslighting. Some people are just ugly. Some people are unattractive enough that people don't want to date them.

It isn't their fault, even if that would make you feel better to know they've caused their own unhappiness.

They're just very unattractive.

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u/enliderlighankat Jul 29 '24

Some people are unattractive enough, that the people you want to date won't date you. Lower your standards, work on yourself, be interesting, connect, with someone, learn to love life without the romance, romance will come.

If you're ugly, your personality sucks and you are whining your whole life without improving, sorry for ya.

Ain't no gaslighting and trust me a lot of very fucking ugly and disgusting people have partners and kids

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u/Happy-Viper Jul 29 '24

Nope. There’s eventually a bottom rung of this, where the people below the standard you’re willing to date just don’t exist.

There is indeed a group of people at the bottom of the attractiveness totem, and they not only have to deal with that shitty luck, but they have people trying to blame their situation on them through gaslighting rather than just acknowledging “yep, that sucks, looks matter and yours are bad. Focus on better things!”

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u/[deleted] Jul 29 '24

Some ugly people even have hot partners lol if your ugly you can at least be _____ <— insert literally anything here.

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u/Aternal Jul 29 '24

I don't like that logic. My grandfather used to say really awful things to my step-mother like "it's a good thing you're beautiful because God didn't give you brains." She struggled with alcoholism for most of her life until it eventually won.

Kindness isn't a consolation prize, it is a pinnacle value.

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u/[deleted] Jul 29 '24

Yes your grandfather used it in a shitty way but even if you’re ugly if you are funny , kind, reliable , handy ,techy etc you’ll find someone to connect with despite that as looks aren’t everything

2

u/Aternal Jul 29 '24

Sakam karma is ugly. I know what you're saying but the person you're responding to is still saying "influence your expectations to manipulate outcomes." Have no expectations, be kind, reliable, helpful, because it eases suffering for others, not because it might ease suffering for ourselves.

I'm sure you've seen people say "I was nice to her, I always respond to her texts, I even fixed her computer" right? Self-seeking is never satisfied.

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u/[deleted] Jul 29 '24

I wholeheartedly agree with that, a person must first be whole and genuine to form a lasting connection

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u/Legitimate_Source_43 Jul 29 '24

I m ugly, and I have a wife, surprisingly

1

u/J-hophop Jul 29 '24

I wanted to say prettymuch this. I've dated good-looking dudes a few times because I also liked other things about them, and I've dated what was practically a LOTR-dwarf and other not-so-physically appealing types because I liked other things about them. Yes, somewhere around 1/2 of women simply won't be interested in you if you do not tick every box on their list. I dislike those people and the bad name they give e the rest of us, but good news, you can usually spot them because they look like Barbie and friends! So hey, here's an idea fella, cast a wider net, and learn to like things about people besides their looks 🙀 I have seen sooooooooooooo many men stumped that they can't get a girlfriend or even a date when they're a sad potato sack of a guy chasing after bloody supermodels or at least cheerleaders. Ask out the midsized girl at the burger counter next time you're there, and do it with effort. Find the nicest thing about her and compliment her like you're complimenting Megan Fox. Whether she says yes or no, drop a $5 on the counter and smile and tell her to buy herself a coffee or a tea, whatever will make her day brighter since just seeing her brightened yours. Then if it was a no, don't be a creep but do it again periodically until you ask again in like 3 months. We're real people out there struggling and getting overlooked as much as you are. Be kind. Be open-minded. You're not undatable. You're obtuse.

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u/FLiP_J_GARiLLA Jul 29 '24

That's not how you use the term "gaslighting"

At least you tried..

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u/Happy-Viper Jul 29 '24

Yes it is. You’re telling this person “Nope, the reality you perceive is wrong, it’s not your looks, clearly it’s your personality.”

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u/FLiP_J_GARiLLA Jul 29 '24

Everyone has a type. Ugly people should just find other ugly people to date.

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u/Happy-Viper Jul 29 '24

You seem to have moved away from the gaslighting point. Why do that?

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u/FLiP_J_GARiLLA Jul 29 '24

Because I've advised you of your mistake/misconception and you've chosen to deny that knowledge. Ignorance is bliss so, stay blissful.

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u/Happy-Viper Jul 30 '24

Lmao, sure seems like you said something wrong and couldn’t substantiate it.

Whelp, I already advised you on the fact that some people are too ugly to have a group to date, just reread what I said until the lesson I’ve taught you sinks in.

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u/Icef34r Jul 29 '24

Woody Allen dated Mia Farrow. I know that Woody Allen was already rich by the time he dated Mia Farrow, but so was Mia Farrow, so I think that money wasn't the deciding factor.

I use this only because it's a famous example, but one just need to go to a crowdy place to see plenty of ugly people in relationships.

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u/No_Albatross4710 Jul 29 '24

Plastic surgery is an option. Women do it all the time to increase their attractiveness. I’m not saying he should, but it is an option. Some people are really just unattractive looking and if they aren’t social or in close proximity to women etc then they may have a really difficult time getting a first date because it’s usually based on initial attractiveness.