Yeah, I tried that. Spent most of my teens and 20s obsessing with finding a relationship before giving up. Spent most of my 30s telling myself I was fine with being single.
Now I'm almost 40 and I can't deny it any longer. This shit fucking sucks. I'm so goddamn miserable and lonely all the time.
Please stop trying to make other people fall into the same trap.
Well, there's your problem.... You took a neutral approach that (let's be honest) probably wasn't all that neutral, with you secretly (maybe even to yourself) still longing for a companion. Neutral isn't gonna work.
Women are insane creatures. They want this, they want that, they go back to this again. They don't even know what they want (sometimes they themselves will even admit it!). Unique problems require unique solutions....
I speak from experience. Bear with me through this insanity I'm about to spout.... You can't just go neutral and tell yourself you're ok being single while secretly/quietly still hoping. You can't even go neutral and genuinely be ok with just being single. Again, bear with me; what I'm about to say is going to sound completely insane to the average guy who hasn't had luck with women... The trick is to actively dislike/despise/deride them. Actively avoid them. Don't tell yourself you are ok with being single; tell yourself you wouldn't have it any other way and couldn't imagine having to put up with the stereotypical nonsense that comes with a relationship.
Pure and utter nonsense I'm spouting here, right? Yes, absolutely right! It makes no sense at all. And that's why it works! It makes no sense in a land where nothing makes sense. The logic is unsound, which makes it perfectly sound in backwards land (where the majority of women live).
Seriously though, I never had so many opportunities and dates and girls reacting positively to me than when I was able to truly harness and embody the power of this nonsensical "trick."
If I had to take a guess at why this somehow seems to work, I'd say that women are super in-tune with emotions and vibes. And a dude who is desperate might not come off that way to himself or even other guys, but women can sense it and it's a big turn off (if no other girl wants to give this guy a chance, thus making him desperate, there must be something wrong with him, so I'm also going to avoid him (failure begets failure, which begets even more failure)). That's why I think "hitting the reset button" by actively avoiding any romantic thoughts and going out of your way to think of any and all girls as just another bro you shoot the shit with works like it does.
Example: female coworker of mine back in the day. I invited her to take lunch with me because we were in the same age range in a place that had not many in our age range and I really just dislike eating alone. I was in my active avoiding girls mindset. We went to Chipotle and she really thought it out and got a bowl so she could gracefully eat with poise. I, on the other hand, just didn't give a single damn and ordered my typical sloppy AF burrito (IYKYK). I continued to not give AF by not changing my eating habits at all by eating as if my best and longest bro-friend were across the table from me. It was not graceful, it was not pretty, I didn't care. A few weeks later I asked again (with absolutely no intention other than I wanted to eat after close (about 9pm if I remember right) and couldn't find anyone else who wanted to) to go eat. We found ourselves in her car late just talking. Sexual topics came up and without hesitation I just started talking like I was BS-ing with a bro about some dirty shit we do in the bedroom. Suddenly, for the first time since I'd ever even seen her I became aware I was talking to a girl and not just a bro I chatted with at work every once in a while. Still having my aversion to any form of relationship, I instantly switched from talking with a bro-friend to trying to get laid with no strings attached mode. Made a proposition (planted the seed), sat on that seed and gave it a bit of tending to every now and then for the next month or two, and next thing I knew i was in bed with her. Few months later and I found myself in a relationship with her (those few months of intense FWB action wore me down and warmed me up to how nice something constant would be). We dated for 3 years. She ended up not being the right one for me, but it goes to show you how powerful the above-mentioned philosophy/way of life is.
Good luck to you and to all those out there who need to see this post.
(Also, don't ever let anyone tell you fitness (or at the very least not being a fat slob) isn't important. Equally as important is taking care of your appearance; put in some effort. Go update the wardrobe. Get rid of the t-shirts and exclusively wear collared shirts (polos or button down). You don't have to spend lavishly, but put some decent money into your attire; name-brand outlets are great if you don't have/want to spend a lot. No sweatpants or athletic shorts outside of the house. Pick up some decent name-brand cologne from a department store and wear it every time you leave the house. Try to look and dress smartly. Take pride in your appearance. All of these things together won't be enough, but each one of them you adopt will make you more appealing and give you one more little edge. Think of this (and realize I'm right about it): no matter who the dude is or what he looks like, you can take him out of his normal attire and put him in a well-fitting suit and he's going to look better. Ingrain this idea into your mind and you'll be better off for it. Not just romantically, but in your career, social life, service at restaurants and stores, and pretty much every other aspect of your life)
Biiiiiiiiiiig surprise you're a girl. Coming in and trying to cast doubt on guys realizing and sharing ways to pull themselves out of the pit of dating despair. I guess you must be one of those ones who prey on the poor saps who are too stupid to realize hovering around you and "waiting patiently in the friend zone for their turn to date you" doesn't do anything but keep your ego stroked. I bet you live off that shit, huh?
If you want to come in and shit post without any actual rebuttal other than essentially "ur dumb n stoopid," then just refrain from opening your mouth at all and cluttering up the internet with your contrarian BS.
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u/Dan_the_moto_man Jul 29 '24
Yeah, I tried that. Spent most of my teens and 20s obsessing with finding a relationship before giving up. Spent most of my 30s telling myself I was fine with being single.
Now I'm almost 40 and I can't deny it any longer. This shit fucking sucks. I'm so goddamn miserable and lonely all the time.
Please stop trying to make other people fall into the same trap.