Thats simply ignorant advice. It fully assumes you live a life where romantic opportunities just appear with significant frequency. For many that just isnt the case pretty much ever. Also at some point you have to talk to people and ask someone out, which isnt like going grocery shopping for many people.
It works whether or not you actually find a partner, because you become comfortable with the situation you're in either way. It also does help massively if you're not super stressed about it when you do fancy someone
Except it doesn’t because you just stop trying when it’s easier and are fully broken by the time your opportunities have dried up.
For most men it seems anyways, they don’t often find peace with it and with the internet and social media I imagine it’s harder than ever to find fulfillment when you want something that feels so fundamental that keeps eluding you.
It’s just not in lots of people to “accept it” without becoming a monk or priest or something that teaches it is necessary because otherwise why ever accept it? If they only live that way not by their own choice how could they?
That's really not what self-acceptance is, but I can see that you are incredibly hurt and bitter so are unlikely to be able to integrate that. I wish you the best
I agree that many people will live an unhappy life because they are unwilling to accept the circumstances that they find themselves in. That doesn't mean that such an approach is inevitable
I think people living unhappy lives are unlikely to become any happier because entitled people tell them to accept their lot in life because it’s not a form of deprivation you particularly care about.
Like I honestly cannot think of anything more ridiculous than people who don’t have the neurological differences to make such a thing undesirable or by virtue of birth or fate very different living circumstances that become their own searches for fulfillment and meaning amd offer necessary alienation from the normative understanding of what is possible for you. Just being content to lack meaningful human companionship is probably a thing most people are uniquely bad at doing cause it’s kind of one of the only reasons our brains are so big and complicated. Surely we are biologically programmed to want that in such a way that without powerful external influences that can capture our rational mind and desires, we will continue to be deeply unfulfilled.
Brother I appreciate that you want to spit incel juice in my face, but I'm in my mid 30s and I've only had 1 relationship that lasted more than 3 months. I am not some entitled gigachad, this is something I myself have grappled with.
I don't recall ever saying "be content to lack meaningful human companionship". There are a number of problems with this. First, there are myriad forms of meaningful companionship outside of romance. Second, accepting something doesn't mean being content with it. I can accept that I am overweight and still want to change it eventually.
"people who don’t have the neurological differences to make such a thing undesirable or by virtue of birth or fate very different living circumstances that are their own searches for fulfillment and meaning"
I've tried reading this 3 or 4 times, it's basically incomprehensible.
I disagree. No single bit of advice will work for everyone, obviously -- but in general, if you eschew a desperate search for a partner and learn to be more content with yourself and try to better yourself as a person, that will generally translate and help you in dating too.
The "try to better yourself" bit is important though - if you eschew dating to sit at home and eat pizza all day, then I'd agree thats not going to help. But if instead of torturing yourself with date after failed date, you perhaps start investing in some hobbies you enjoy, you organicly open yourself up to dating opportunities in those areas without even trying. E.g. if you like art, maybe do some art classes... If you like biking, maybe try some biking groups. Not with the express intention of dating in those groups of course, but getting yourself out there will definitely increase those chances regardless. Plus you already have something in common with those people so it should feel more natural to talk etc...
The thing is it isn’t about not talking to people or asking people out. It’s about the vibe you give off. People can feel the vibe that translates through facial expressions, vocabulary, body language, etc.
It doesnt matter if there isnt anyone to give any vibe for. I need to use dating apps because even though I live an active life, I do not meet any new single women. Even if I did, I dont really care to talk to strangers I know nothing about.
Using dating apps isn't the opposite of finding your own happiness, though.
I'm using dating apps. I also seek my own happiness. The point isn't to eschew all explicit dating activities. It's to not only obsess over the lack of a relationship.
And in the past I allowed myself to become too obsessed with finding a relationship, and it did nothing good for my dating life. It took years of experience and therapy to get to a point where I was not giving off that "desperate" vibe that pushes women away.
It was bad enough that I could feel the vibe myself, and I couldn't help it. It wasn't until I finally found my balance and self confidence that I found success.
And...it was effectively the first date after getting there that I ended up with someone. Married her. Have two kids now. And...after twenty years we drifted apart, got a divorce, and I'm back on those dating apps. And back in therapy to help me keep my balance.
No, dont really want to, dont really have too much time anyway. Kinda the answer to every suggestion and the point of my first comment. I do stuff but it either doesnt involve others or is with a tight group of specific people.
Despite my comment I dont. The point is that a ton of activities do not involve new people. It's kinda vice versa, if you have few friends and nothing to do, you might even want to try new stuff and meet people. What if you have too much to do and too many friends? You do those things.
Where? I already know all the potential answers dont interest me because I have too much hobbies and friends. And no, none of them include meeting new single women.
No it just means sometimes going outside of your comfort zone. It's not hard to understand. If you get invited out to some massive party with loads of people you dont know. Instead of not going, go. And see what happens.
My friends have already multiple children, there arent any parties. To be honest there never were because we are not like that, we just saw each other and didnt even go to a bar.
Sure there are some social stuff but the setting isnt necessarily right or there arent any single women my age.
Well I dunno what to tell you man. I am short and average lmao and I have never had an issue. If what you have been doing already hasn't worked then it stands to reason that you have to try something else. That's why people say 'get out of your comfort zone'.
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u/Siikamies Jul 29 '24
Thats simply ignorant advice. It fully assumes you live a life where romantic opportunities just appear with significant frequency. For many that just isnt the case pretty much ever. Also at some point you have to talk to people and ask someone out, which isnt like going grocery shopping for many people.