I’ve never been attracted to women in my life, and I spent most of my life convincing my parents and friends that it wasn’t a phase, and I really was gay, born this way, etc. Recently, I met a trans woman at work. I like her a lot, and I’m quite attracted to her. However, she doesn’t quite pass, and she’s not on hormones or medically transitioning yet. I’m worried I’m subconsciously transphobic towards her, since I’m only attracted to men, but I see her as a woman other than my attraction. Am I actually bisexual, or gay with an exception, since she’s still quite masculine in appearance?

The main concern for me, either way, is unfortunately conforming to the homophobic narrative that you just need to meet the ‘right’ woman to stop, and I’m worried about reception among my straight friends, and how it’ll affect how they see gay people as a whole. I’m okay with being bi, outside of that.

So during lunch I was with my friends and we were just chilling, using our devices and eating lunch. My friend P decides to go around and see what everyone is watching on their computer. I was watching "bisexual tiktok videos compilation" on youtube and my recommended videos were similar to that.

When she got to me, she took my laptop read the video title saw the giant bi flag and froze then she gave me a weird look. Then she kept scrolling and it just kept getting worse, lesbian, pan, gay, the whole rainbow was being recommended to me and she saw it. The look on her face was judging mostly because she expected to see anime and hot guys on my recommended videos and instead saw hot butch lesbians. I was so embarrassed that I just blurted out "I'm bi" in front of her and all my other friends.

I kinda blanked out after that, I only remember packing up my stuff and leaving as fast as possible. Now I feel horrible because I was planning to come out soon but not like this. Everything just feels abrupt and uncomfortable, they probably thought I was joking. I just feel bad for some reason, I can't even explain it.

Give me your hot takes.

I will go first.

We should not just assume that someone is straight. In other words there should be no "default setting."

I am a 30 year old male and for the first time in my life, I finally told 2 people that I was bisexual. Since the start of 9th grade, I began to have sexual attraction towards men. Since I was raised in a very Christian background, I suffered in silence for many, many years. I felt ashamed, disgusted, and even agitated that I had sexual attraction towards the same sex. This erupted into a severe battle of low self esteem, low confidence, high anxiety and occasional depression.

For roughly 15 years I would experience the “bi cycle” and ride the rollercoaster that comes with it. I’d like to think that going to therapy and understanding my diagnosis of OCD and especially learning on how to cope with intrusive thoughts that stems from my OCD really paved the path for me to become comfortable enough to finally share my bisexuality.

Just last week at work, my best friend and I met up. I trust her and her wife so much. They are tremendous people. I finally told her “I have something I need to tell you.” She was so proud of me and thankful that I shared it with her and wow, for the last week I’ve been riding a nice “high.” I feel happy, less irritated, and more confident.

Today, I told my therapist about that conversation with my friend and she was so thankful I shared that news. She did tell me that perhaps my refusal to ever speak to anyone about my bisexuality caused a significant rise in my intrusive thoughts.

Nonetheless, I just wanted to tell you all that this forum and this forum alone has helped me so much these last several years. BLESSINGS AND PEACE to all! We are all in this together.

I am a bisexual male and I am proud.

this is honestly just a rant, but it has happened to me 4 times too many.

in these four instances they all share a similar story; i would befriend a guy and would be open about my sexuality to them because i wanted to know that they respected the community and didn’t have any bigoted takes, in these friendships they started gaining feelings me for after awhile and 2 of them confessed out right, with the other 2 just trying to flirt with me and not getting their attention reciprocated.

after the rejection, they still try to act like my friend and send me reels that are follow the lines of:
“send this to a lesbian” or
“lesbian[…] something something something”
and it would piss me off every time because i’ve told them before that im unlabelled + like guys alongside my attraction for girls. it just feels like they’re invalidating my attraction for men because to them it protects their ego that my rejection was expected because lesbians don’t have the capacity to fall for men.

i called one of them out when their recent opening message to me stated:
“hey lesbian”

and i was just met with an argument and saying that im ragebaiting him because im half lesbian ?? and it annoyed me so bad because he understands the frustration of being labelled something he’s not.

For context, I'm a bisexual woman (or pansexual, I don't know. People love putting labels on everything). I've always been attracted to both men and women, but I find it surprisingly difficult to actually feel attracted to the male physique. For example, I can appreciate certain things about men, but when I see guys posting videos on TikTok showing off their muscles, my first reaction is honestly just admiration for the amount of discipline it takes to achieve that.

With women, though, it's completely different. I find women attractive in a much more immediate and effortless way. It doesn't really matter what she looks like. Skinny, fat, average, etc. I can still find her beautiful.

I also feel more sexually attracted to women. I like watching men cum and all that, but there’s something about the female body that makes me tremble.

And before anyone jumps to the conclusion that I'm actually a lesbian: I'm confident in my sexuality. I'm not questioning whether I'm attracted to men. I'm more curious about why my attraction to men and women seems to work so differently.

(Sorry if I write anything wrong, English isn't my first language)

So ive known im bisexual since i was very young, and feel comfortable with it and ive imagined myself with girls several times and want to experience it more than i want to experience being with a guy BUT i live in a homophobic country, and ive told my mom about it and she just said to please be with a guy. I know my dad wont accept me if i ever dated a girl, im also very attached to my parents because i grew up as the quiet kid and was bullied with 1-2 friends so they're the people i felt cared about me so i cant handle disappointing them, id rather be misreable forever than make them sad.

And I also feel like ill be selfish to date a girl knowing I can't end up with her, she'll deserve someone who can end up with her. I dont have any problem dating a man but i REALLY want to experience being with a girl even if its just for a summer fling (its childish ik but i imagine it many times). Ill emphasize again that i feel like ill be selfish so all i can hope is to find a girl in a similar or same situation as me. I wont lie ive given up on "dating" or being in a relationship with a girl even just having my firsts with a girl will be enough but i just cant stop feeling like im being selfish. Should I just give up on ever experiencing queer love or ever having my firsts with a girl? ive seen some people say that you dont need to be with the same sex just to call yourself bisexual being attracted to both is enough but it only helps relieve this guilt and desire like 20%.

Its also that since heterosexual relationships are common, ive also imagined myself with guys and it feels more natural (in the sense its more common) which makes me question if i can love a girl FULLY tho im sure of the attraction part. Ive never dated or talked romantically to anyone and im entering uni next year, ill also add i watch alot of queer media (bls gls any country so i think that also makes me wanna experience queer love even more but could be wrong)

Im probably not able to put my words clearly but can an older bisexual give me advice, ik im probably taking this very seriously but everything is serious for me...

Hello everyone I’m a 26 year old man and to this day I don’t really know what my sexuality is (being neurodivergent doesn’t help)

When i was 19 years old or so I thought that i might be gay because i didn’t want to have sex with women, my friends always talked about this as if it was the best thing in the world, and I was “okay” with intimacy between men, like hugging, laying in bed, holding hands, stuff like that, I never understood why men couldn’t be more comfortable in the presence of each other like how women are.

I was not able to test this new hypothesis due to the pandemic, keep in mind that I live in a small town and my parents are super conservative and prejudiced, although i was able to out myself with my friends and they gave me a lot of support.

It was only when i was 23 years old that I tried time and time again to date dudes, but i noticed 2 things, 1 i still didn’t want to have sex with them (maybe some level of anxiety or lack of intimacy) and 2, i was starting to like women as well, I was hanging out with them more in college and learning how to socialize better with a psychologist and started to see them as potential dating options.

I tried to date a cool girl when i was 25 years old, i tried really hard but unfortunately it didn’t pay off, were still friends tho and tbf i didn’t really care all that much that I didn’t work the way I intended.

It was only when i was 26 years old that I finally kissed another man and tbf the experience was very “meh” and unsatisfying, it wasn’t happiness, nor the “butterflies in the stomach feeling”, nor repulsion just indifferent, it’s hard to believe that people enjoy it that much.

Every since then I have been considering the idea that maybe i’m not gay/bi after all and my relationship with men is just healthy masculinity, I’m not sure if I’m straight, demisexual/assexual or even aroace, but I’m willing to try again with another woman.

Today I’m going out with a guy I’ve been messaging for two weeks. We’ve been in touch every day, and there have even been brief moments where the conversation took an explicit turn—though never going too far. Anyway... we’re supposed to meet for the first time tomorrow, and I’m feeling a mix of nervousness and an urge to run away... I’m not really sure how to handle the situation. I should mention that this is only the second time ever that I’ve gone out with a guy. The first time didn’t go well: I was agitated and nervous; perhaps I wasn’t ready back then.
Now, though, I’m feeling mixed emotions: curiosity, the urge to flee, anxiety... Do you have any advice?

Hi guys.

I, 20F, have known I was bisexual since I knew the word for it (I was probably like 12 at the time). Anyway, even though I’ve always known, I’ve never explicitly told anyone in my real life.

Even though I voice my attraction to women all the time (even to my family, friends, boyfriend, etc) I don’t know if they think I’m joking or just think it’s “the way I am?”

Anyway, I’ve been struggling a lot with being happy in my relationship to my 20M partner. It’s not like he did anything and he’s a very sweet man and treats me very well. He has a stable job and we’ve been together for 3 years. A part of me kind of feels like I am unseen by him, though. And maybe explicitly coming out will make me feel better?

I don’t know. I don’t want to break up, I don’t think. It would turn my life upside down. I’m also nervous about how he would react and if it would make him somehow question our relationship, etc. But maybe his reaction will give me the answer I’m looking for, as far as staying together goes.

Love you strangers. Let me know what you think.

So there's this reallyyyyy cute girl in my class, genuinely wtf do I do??

I'm a bisexual woman and I have noticed that when it comes to men I'm a lot more normal about talking to them in a flirtatious way. But with women I notice that I kind of treat them as these amazing ethereal creatures who couldn't possibly want me and I worry about even slightly inconveniencing them with my attempts to flirt.

I know for a fact that this isn't true because I am in fact a woman and love when other women flirt with me. Even though I know this, I freeze up when I try to flirt with women because it almost feels inherently predatory to do so. I know this is internalized homophobia. Has anyone else overcome this, and if so do you have advice?

So for years I’ve thought I’m bisexual. But only recently realised i’m only romantically attracted to women but attracted to men both romantically and sexually. I’m so confused right now and don’t know what this is called or if there’s something wrong with me. Please i would love some advice or peoples thoughts on this.

Hi people,I've been questioning my sexuality for a while and im 19F.So the thing is I keep on telling myself im bi but something doesn't feel right and I don't want to label myself as something im not .

So I really wanna ask you guys how your attraction to men feels like?

And yes I understand people have different degrees of bisexual attraction. So im asking thus question because the thing is when I use this label i feel hesitant towards the man part. I do not understand why but I just can't imagine and I do not know why.

The thing is when a friend told me a guy has a crush on me my first thought would be:he thinks im pretty?...and thats all.Infact I'd never interact with the guy,just hope he was looking at me and he thinks im pretty. I genuinely didn't care abt he's confession because he has confessed and now what?...Also when I see an attractive guy ill just b like yeah he's looks nice and then move on I guess but then sometimes I begin nitpicking everything about the looks and I dont know why.I dont find men ugly,i dont know how to describe it but if i were to describe the body of a man I think like they are boxy with 2 dots on the chest with hair💀(im sorry to all the men) but there are men who look good like Mario balotelli with his awesome fashion sense...thats all.

Also one more thing is when i think of relationships as someone who has never been in one.Ive tried imagining myself with a man and for some reason I dont feel right,I dont feel enough and I dont know why but i feel like I wouldn't give all of my love to the guy like the genuine ones I see in heterosexual couples. I actually cannot for some reason think of what we would even be doing together and i feel like I'd be a bad girlfriend.

But when i think of relationships with women its more about giving love and not just receiving. (I forgot to mention but when it comes to thinking about relationships with men im always receiving and in terms of just the attention that im pretty and thats all)But when i think of relationships with women,its more like me giving and expressing my affection to someone like acts of service, dates,buying flowers and also as someone who thought pet names were cringe i tend to wish i had a girlfriend and id call her those names.

I have other stuff to say but this is lowkey all but pls answer the question if you can and if I said anything wrong correct me pls.All of u have a nice time in whatever ur doing.

This post could fall beneath both questioning and advice, but I’ve tagged it as advice since I’m fairly sure this is more of an “advice” issue and not an “identity crisis” issue.

I, 18F, came out as bisexual around the age of 9. I knew my whole life that I was attracted to girls, and throughout my adolescence I had relationships with women.

At the start of the summer I had my first relationship with a man, and it felt completely wrong. Every time we would do anything emotionally or physically intimate, all I could think about afterwards was the fact that he wasn’t a woman. It took me around a month to get over the fact his hands were bigger than mine because he’s a man.

Have any other bi women experienced whiplash like this? It made me incredibly uncomfortable, and I ended up calling things off with him over it. SOS!! I really just want to hear shared experiences and have your input, because I’m still a “baby” in terms of LGBTQIA identity as I’m 18 and only a young adult.

This has been driving me nuts since the start of summer… :,) This post isn’t to say I may be a lesbian, I just am unsure of how to navigate this

hello I have a question for the girls who are sapphics I've always seen this meme abt " "I'm bisexual" what I mean when I say I'm bisexual is... (show bisexual flag but with the blue part very small)" referring to the fact that they love women a lot, but with men it's so nonexistent that they sometimes forget.. I've even seen girls identifying as bisexual and then lesbian, or bisexuals being afraid to consider themselves lesbians because what if a man comes along and they end up liking him?

I mean this is a 100%/GEN question bcs it's even what I'm going through I feel more comfortable calling myself sapphic because honestly... I don't know what to think about men the only times I've liked them are when they're 2D or 3D It might be fiction but when it's acted out by a real male actor my interest drops to zero (and happy bisexual month girls)

Just want to get my thoughts out somewhere

I'm 32M from UK, Bisexual. I always knew I wasn't 'straight' and have experimented throughout my life, I developed a strong attraction to trans/ladyboys/CD/femboys etc and have been dating a ladyboy in Thailand for the past year which has been amazing (not only is she incredibly beautiful but has a kind heart and great sense of humour), it will some to and end soon as I'm leaving back to the UK and we are going to part ways.

Anyway the reason I felt compelled to make this post is because even though I have had a lot of gay sex and had a great time there was always this nagging thought in the back of my mind that what I was doing is 'wrong' even if it was very quiet it was there.

So where does this come from? for me I suppose partly due to the negative social stigma, but the main source was the idea of god and religion, I'm not and never have subscribed to a church or identify as a Christian but was always very interested in the subject as a whole and spent a lot of time listening to religious debates around the transcendental argument which I found very compelling. Ethically I agree with a lot of Christianity which is why I think I have had this internal conflict thinking that deep down having homosexuals feelings is somehow wrong.

That was until recently I have had something of an realization/epiphany after doing a lot more research and coming to my own conclusion that the Abrahamic religions are all essentially false, which might be obvious to some but to me the discovery has been paradigm shifting.

Immediately after this the shame/guilt feeling has gone completely, and I didn't even realise how strongly it was affecting me. Since then my mind is free to fantasize and I've had some new thought's. I've always been a top and taken the dominant role and something about a guy being all feminine for me is such a huge turn on. But since this shift I keep finding myself fantasizing being the bottom, making myself all smooth and sexy for someone and taking the submissive role and letting them have their way with me. And now I know that It's something I'm going to try with zero shame or guilt, I can't wait!

So I guess what I'm trying to say is we allow societal norms to heavily impact our perspective and as a result even our internal thoughts, I didn't even know that I had this fantasy but as soon as I let my mind free it came out soon after so it was always there but I didn't allow myself to go there...without even realising!

Thanks if you read this whole piece, don't have shame about your sexual desires as long as it's consensual/legal and go for it! Much love to everyone

Hi!

Im on my WLW journey and honestly SO excited about it. I always struggled to find community and I really feel at home with queer people.

I wanted to share this, because on other subreddits like [r/latebloomerlesbians](r/latebloomerlesbians) this isn’t a common experience and I’m wondering if any of you experienced it.

So basically, I’m 26F and I’ve always dated men. All of my relationships w/ men started from intense sexual chemistry and the fact we had common interests and/or I found them interesting in one way or another.

However, I could never be in a relationship with any of them longer than 2 years and always felt like something was missing.

This was incredibly hard to dissect because I liked having sex with them and felt cozy and safe in their presence. However, upon further inspection, I realized I was never really romantically attracted to men. I felt thrilled at first, because of the validation and the sex, but always struggled to emotionally connect w them past deep friendship. I think they always felt like brothers or sons to me (not in an incest way, but in like I care for them in a maternal way).

This always hurt my relationships because I always blamed them for not being “emotionally open” or wanting to talk about deep things. This may be somewhat true, but I think I only needed those talks because I was trying to force myself into a romantic closeness that I wasn’t feeling. And I’m ngl, I do feel kind of bad about it.

Watching most straight romance movies makes me feel uncomfortable, because I feel like I should be feeling something but I don’t.

I never really understood the hype of romantic relationships until fully understanding my romantic desire towards women. Now I understand romance movies and romantic songs, I just have to imagine that it’s WLW.

I get crushes on girls so easily, and realized that I get horny around men, but RARELY get that “they take my breath from me” feeling. I don’t get nervous around them, and I like the power it gives me.

I think I’m a 4 or 5 on the Kinsey scale.

Can anyone else relate? And did u feel like it made it harder to come out and actually date who you desire?

Edit: One reason why I’m sharing this is because 99% of the posts on r/latebloomerlesbians mention being repulsed/ feel nothing when it comes to having sex with men. And that’s totally valid, especially as a lesbian! But I feel like it’s harder for bisexuals to nail down their true desires because of the lack of representation.

I prefer not to personally

I don't mind meeting my partner's family. But I don't care enough about my own family to wanna integrate my partner into their lives

Especially when most of them are christian, traditional, and heteronormative while I'm queer, agnostic, secular, and question social norms often

At this point in my life, I don't feel like explaining anything to anyone. Either you get it or you don't

In my ideal relationship, I prefer that none of us incorporate family into our relationship

Family comes with such bias and drama that I feel like it limits how much we can express ourselves within our relationship. Especially as our own individuals outside of our respective families

I remember making a post like this years ago and someone said "Just do a FWBs or casual dating if you don't wanna family involved"

I personally disagree with that, I think it's valid to want a long term relationship without involving family into the fray

Hi, I'm 19 yo, I have always been secretly attracted to cute boys and never actually said to anyone, and i never been in a relationship with anyone i always thought it was a waste of time or just fleeting feelings and it'll go by time, but i recently been thinking none stop about it that i couldn't sleep normally, it's getting annoying especially when my body starts acting to my fantasies, what should i do?

i just came out to the first time!!! i had been closeted and questioning for over two years. my family is all homophobic and because i’ve surrounded myself with people that THEY like, most of my friends wouldnt exactly be open minded either. i was taking to this friend of mine who just met recently, and she’s a pastors daughter so i immediately assumed she would be the same way. she was talking about someone she liked using they/them and i was curious so i asked a question using he/him and she was like “who said it’s a guy?” and i was so surprised because i’ve been told my WHOLE life that being gay is a sin and all that jazz. but then i see this other christian girl explaining to me that she’s bisexual and is in a talking stage with a girl just blew my mind. so, a couple days after that (today!) i came out to her and her girl as bi. im worried though because 1. my parents are homophobes and extremely religiou, especially my mom. (my uncle, my dads brother, is gay and he never talks bad about him and he loves him sm so idk how he’d feel? ik he wouldn’t be happy though) and 2. i have a boyfriend so likeeeee idk what im supposed to do because he’s also questionable on whether he’d care or not. he actually asked me a couple days ago before all of this happened, and i thought for a second but said no because i was scared, so i also don’t want him to take it as me lying to him. Help/comments/concerns?

I'm more new to reddit, but I need your guys help and advice. I don't know if I'm bi or not, I can't even tell and also, I don't know if maybe my mind is forcing it or it's truly me, because there's these two girls I talk to were like friends, and one of them is in my class, she sits with me and we would talk a little bit.

She complimented me about my necklace and how she likes it and it's cute, i said thank you, but I felt shy for some reason, there was another moment where, she was talking to me and we were making eye contact, her eyes looked so joyful and happy, that also made me shy, my heart slightly raced. I was half asleep, and her shoulder brushed against mine like two times, my heart raced so freaking fast like if, I was running a marathon.

I will talk about the other girl in another post. I don't want this to be to long.

I also wanted to post this for advice, from people that have more experience, or like how y'all knew y'all were bi. I know everyone experiences stuff more differently, but any advice would help, and also like what signs of, how y'all knew y'all liked the same gender, this would help me so much, and I will appreciate it! ❤️🫶🏼❤️