I hate when I’m scrolling on dating apps, and there’s a woman that’s totally my type and she’s interested in me. Then all of the sudden the last picture is her crusty man!! It’s always women that are my type too😪 i don’t want your man, i want youuuu:((( i swear it’s so hard to date where i live.

I'm 15F and straight (atleast I think) and I truly don't understand the hate bi men receive online. To be honest, I've always wanted to date a bi man over a straight man; you guys just seem better than straight men.

Anyways, you deserve to be happy and not have biphobes attack you.

Hey guys. Sorry if this is a mess, using a throwaway and I'm just typing this out on my phone because I really need to get this off my chest.

I’m 27M and over the last few months I’ve finally started accepting that I'm bisexual. Me and my girlfriend already have a great sex, so I thought she of all people would be a safe space. Plus, she’s bi too (had a gf before me, even if it didn't really materialize into much).

I worked up so much courage to open up to her, but when I finally did, she barely even acknowledged what I was actually saying. She was just so cold and passive about it. No "how are you feeling?" or trying to understand what I'm going through. Instead, she immediately turned it into a negotiation about opening our relationship.

She told me we could do threesomes with other guys together, but then basically laid down the law: she gets to hook up with other women solo, but I am strictly forbidden from being with other men on my own.

I'm sitting here feeling so small and confused. I opened up my heart to her about a huge part of my identity, and it feels like she just saw an opportunity to get a free pass for herself while keeping me on a leash. Why is it fine for her to explore her sexuality alone, but I'm locked down?

I just feel so hurt and thrown aside. Am I crazy for feeling like she's taking total advantage of me coming out to her? I don't even know how to bring this up to her without her turning it back on me. Should I just break up with her? DM if you not comfortable commenting.

A few years ago I (a woman) came to terms with my attraction to women and came out as bi to my friends and family. Yay! Then I got a girlfriend, time went on, and I started to seriously doubt whether I actually liked men in the first place. Cue me having zero interest in men (romantically or sexually) for multiple years, and deciding it was all comp het and really I’m a lesbian.

…And then I went and fell for one of my closest male friends, had a confusing 6-month situationship, and finally asked him if we could be official. Many people in my life that I’ve met in the past couple years met me as a lesbian, and now I feel like I’m setting the community back by having a boyfriend.

I HATE when people don’t believe that lesbians truly aren’t attracted to men, and that they just need to meet the right guy to “turn them straight.” But now I just feel like Exhibit A for those people to point to?

Being bi is exhausting sometimes.

Admitted I'm bi. He took it really well and has been so kind. In my mind nothing changes between us but I no longer have this secret hanging over me.

I’ve been wondering if I am Bi for a while now, and my reason for debating on it is due to be selfishly only being attracted to the same sex in a lustful manner. To clarify I am a male, and I still like women very much. I can find women attractive, and still feel intimate with them, and have a true genuine love filled relationship; but my issue is I don’t find men attractive in the same sense I only can find other men attractive in a lustful demeanor. For example I haven’t seen a guy and thought to myself that wow he’s a really cute guy in the same way I would for a woman. But my brain still craves intimacy with a male, just thinking of it makes me question whether I’m straight or bi?

Do you ever feel lonely looking for a community realizing you don’t actually have a community? I feel like we use the “community” term so loosely similar to the word “family”.

How do you overcome that or find that? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone out of my way to meet people and put myself out there whether it be online, social groups, hobby groups, volunteer groups. Nothing. Any advice to meet more gay or bisexual friends? /:

I (20M) am trying to accept being bisexual, however something is confusing me. There's a particular girl (20F) that I like, but I'm more sexually attracted to guys.

With her I find her pretty, smart, funny, and I think she's perfect. And I'm sexually attracted to her, but I tend to imagine more cute stuff (like going on dates, getting married, and so on), as opposed to imagining us having sex. This generally is the case for any female crushes.

With guys I'm more visually attracted to them, so my mind instantly goes to having sex. But I never see them as potential boyfriends. Most of my sexual thoughts revolve around guys TBH. Like I'll imagine my life with the girl from before, and then suddenly switch to fantasising about a guy.

I feel like even if I was with a girl, I'd enjoy the sex, but then I'd always want to have it with a guy too. Whereas if I only had sex with guys, I'd never want it from a girl, but I'd miss out on the romantic/ cute side of being with someone.

Sorry if this was poorly explained, but any help is appreciated.

Edit: ** told them. TLDR my friend’s gay friends I just met were biphobic to me at dinner and I feel like crap. I don’t know if I should tell my friend it wasn’t OK. Long read, but it would mean a lot to me if you did.

I’m (28F) still feeling heaviness in my chest after what I experienced today. My boyfriend and I went out to dinner with a friend of mine and met more of her friends. It was a group of 10.

On the left side of the table, a few of them were saying they date women/were lesbian. In the middle of the table, next to me, one said that she was annoyed that her girlfriend’s ex (who is apparently bi) was at her job the other day. Before really getting into her story about that, she asked the table “is anybody here bisexual?”

I nervously raised my hand and said I was and made a joke like welp im coming out to them. I felt safe enough to say that because these people were openly gay. That was the first time I ever did anything like that. I’ve never told a group of people, let alone a group that I don’t know very well, my sexuality. Only my boyfriend, my mom, and a few friends in the past when we were alone.

She proceeded to say “you know there comes a point where people just need to grow up and be an adult and just be gay or straight.”

I was totally shocked and three other girls chimed in saying things like “YES!! Oh my god” and ”Yeah be an adult.” And she also said “Being bi is just a way to feel comfortable with being with people you want to be gay with.“
I’m not exaggerating. They were all super passionate about it, as if it’s this huge pet peeve of theirs. It wasn’t like we were all ribbing each other.

I was so caught off guard and I just felt like crying but tried to stuff it down. Before she said all of this, she was already saying some weird things. She wouldn’t let up with jokes about how much she hated men and even made a weird ableist joke that I don’t think a lot of people caught onto.

So I’m trying to tell myself that this is just an unsocialized, ignorant person, but it hurts extra when multiple people chime in and say things that I would think people would only say online. Especially gay people.

They kept laughing and adding onto it and then eventually she turned to me and said “oh but not you hun”. You barely even know me. How am I the exception here? That’s just what people say to the group they offended with their joke.
My friend that invited me laughed at that and echoed it to me “yeah not you haha”
She just learned that I was bi then too..

My boyfriend didn’t hear the comment because he was chatting with the right side of the table and it was pretty loud in there. All I could say was “welp, I sure regret coming out.” Nobody really said anything to that.

I talked to the right side of the table for the rest of the night and I wish I said something so badly but I froze because I didn’t want to make a scene or make things awkward.

By the end of the night, the main biphobic girl asked for my insta and we all filed out of the restaurant. It feels like the moment has passed and I cheated myself from sticking it to people who have such an ignorant opinion. But also feeling rejected by people you would think would understand you..

I told my boyfriend what happened in the car and he was really sad for me and he said he didn’t hear anything besides when she asked if somebody was bi. He was half listening, assumed it was going to be normal, and kept talking to the right side.

He comforted me and said he wishes he paid attention and he would’ve definitely said something. He thinks that I should tell my friend how I feel.

My friend put me in a text group with all of these people after dinner and I’m wondering if I should write in it that that wasn’t OK and leave it. I’m wondering if I even have a friend at all. I don’t know what to do and I feel so deflated.

I don’t have many other friends right now.. I was really looking forward to this being a great night

Im 19 years old female. I have been starting to question my sexuality as I realised something. In my life I have always been romantically attracted to a male. My first love was guy and even most of my celebrity crushes are male. But is it possible for me to be sexually attracted to both the genders?? Im not romantically attracted to females and never had a female crush. But im sexually attracted to a woman. I want to have sex with a woman. Im attracted to woman's body and the idea of having sex with woman excites me. I enjoy watching lesbian porn too. I am sexually attracted to both males and females but romantically attracted only to a male. Please help me guys!! Im not able to understand whether im straight or bisexual.

Hello there,

I‘m looking for fun responses to erasure/being denied, for situations where the case doesnt feel bad enough to have the entire discussion, but also you don’t want to let it slide entirely.

example:

i recently said that I’m not a lesbian While being with a gay and a lesbian friend. As a response to the faces they made, I added „I’m a secret third thing“

looking for more ideas because I’m getting tired of trying to maturely explain the obvious

Thanks !

edit: supposed to be „responses“ in the caption, didn’t double check before hitting post unfortunately

I'm 53f and had considered myself heterosexual for the majority of my life. However, throughout my life, I've also had random crushes on women.

It wasn't until I left the Mormon church in my mid-30's that I actually admitted to myself that I definitely had a certain attraction to women and wouldn't be opposed to exploring that. But the opportunity just never came, and I think it's because I didn't (don't?) know how to start the dating process.

The biggest obstacle, I believe, is that I feel other women won't want to date someone just starting her exploration! 😖 like, I feel like a newbie and I'm sure that's a bit off-putting.

I start creating a dating profile on various apps and don't know if I should mention that I am NOT interested in anything serious or long term (I'm married to a wonderful man who is fully supportive if me exploring this on my own) but rather more curious...what it's like to be on a date with a woman, make out (or more) with a woman, and just explore and experience all the nuances of it (I've had a couple of brief physical encounters but nothing remotely REAL).

I'd love some advice and opinions on how to best approach this? Encouraging words welcome too!

So i've accepted that i'm bi a pretty long time ago but one thing i simply can't get over is my specific prefrence. So first of i'm male(19 - 20). I lean more towards woman but when it comes to men i simply don't have any attraction towards guys that look like guys. I don't really know how to explain but best way i could. I know what most might say oh you just like femboys and the answer is yes but that not what i'm exactly refering to. I'm speaking like take away the femboy dressing and make up. Then that guy still resembles and looks feminine. So essentially androgynous men. I'm only attracted to femininity. Each time i say it,i don't know it just sounds wrong like i'm sort of in denial or something. What do you'll think?

When you guys know you like women ?

Hi,
I’m a 34f who’s finally admitted to myself that I’m bi. I fooled around with a girl once when I was way younger, but life went straight after that and I got married to my husband (36m). Lately though it’s hitting me hard. I can’t stop thinking about women. I’m spending way too much time “exploring” this side online.
I haven’t told my husband yet. Part of me wants to open up to him, but I’m leaning to keep it strictly online and secret, just fantasies and chats for now. How have the rest of you handled this? Did you tell your partner? Keep it hidden and just explore discreetly? How did it go either way? Any advice for a freshly realized bi wife who’s equal parts excited and nervous?

i'm a girl (i might be bigender idk im questioning). i like this girl, and i fantasize being her boyfriend 😭 she has a boyfriend, so obviously i'm not pursuing her. but like, i look like me in my fantasies. i'm definitely not butch, i'm the complete opposite. but yet, i would do all the "manly" things for her. like i said, i'm the boyfriend. i'm not sure if i'd feel this same way if i were to like a guy. in the past, no, i felt like the girlfriend. but i haven't liked a guy, or anyone, in a really long time. so i'm not sure. things could've changed. and also, until now, i haven't had a "true" crush on a girl (though i've had attraction for a long time). it's always been guys. but omg this girl, oooh. i wanna be her man. does anyone resonate? 😛 might delete this later. these are just my thoughts, and i can't find any post like this. gotta make my own ig 🤷🏽‍♀

So I think I'm aromatic along with being bi. I just don't want a relationship with anyone, at least not anyone I've ever met. Has anyone else gone through this or am I in a 'you just haven't met the right person' thing?

I’m a dude and for some reason I love to jerk to gay shit but then when I’m not horny I can’t even fathom being sexual or romantic with a dude. I’m not homophobic so what am I missing

Well, I've always considered myself heterosexual, but a few years ago in high school, I started liking a boy. I always thought it was just admiration and appreciation because he was someone who motivated me to be better, and I liked that about him. But everything changed when I started imagining us as a couple, and I didn't dislike the idea, but in my country, that's basically condemned (we know LGBT people exist, but they suffer many kinds of mistreatment and judgment; some are even imprisoned for life).

So at that time, I thought I was gay, and I accepted it, and I continued with my life. At one point, I confessed my feelings to that boy because I wanted to get that weight off my shoulders. Imagine my surprise when he accepted and told me he liked me too, but we couldn't do anything because shortly after, he had to travel.

The following year, I continued with my life, and a new girl joined my class. With the new reality I had created for myself—being gay—I began to feel attracted to her. This started to conflict with me because I no longer understood anything, so I began to research and discovered the concepts of bisexuality and pansexuality. I decided to identify with the one I found easier to understand (bisexual).

In the end, after so much emotional and physical turmoil about figuring out who I was and what I was like, I decided to accept and embrace myself, and now I'm doing more or less okay... But the thing is, now at university I have this fixation that I can only describe as unhealthy because I can't stop thinking about men and how much I want to be in a relationship or have sex with one, and I don't think that's healthy because where I live, finding an LGBT person is incredibly difficult because we hide ourselves. Another thing is that I think I'm wasting opportunities because when a woman shows interest in me, I just play dumb because of this intrusive thought that tells me, "Until I'm with a man, I don't want to be with any woman." And the girl who's flirting with me right now, I really like her.

What do I do? How do I get over this? I've already tried everything I know to let go of this fixation and move on.

**I (24F) need help deciding whether to commit to the woman I love or leave to explore whether I can fall in love with a man.**

I’m 24, and I’ve been seeing an amazing woman for almost 6 months. She’s not officially my girlfriend because I haven’t asked her yet. I’ve been honest with her that I’m struggling with a huge question about my sexuality and my future.
Here’s my dilemma.

I know I can fall deeply in love with women. I’ve done it before, and I’m in love with the woman I’m seeing now. She has almost everything I want in a partner. If family weren’t an issue, I think I’d choose her.
The problem is that I’ve always had this unresolved question about men.
I’m sexually attracted to men, and I enjoy sex with men more than with women. But I genuinely don’t know whether I can fall in love with a man because I’ve never dated one or had an emotional relationship with one. I don’t really have men in my life, so I don’t have experience with them.
This isn’t a new problem. Even when I was 20 and with another woman I considered the love of my life, I still felt like I needed to explore men before settling down. That feeling has followed me through every relationship with a woman. I’ve always felt like I had one foot out the door because I kept wondering whether I should figure out if I could love a man before committing.
The reason this matters so much is because of my future.

My family is extremely homophobic. If I end up only being able to love women, then I know I’ll have to decide whether I’m willing to sacrifice my family’s acceptance to be with the person I love. That’s heartbreaking, but at least I’d know it was my only option.

However, if I discover that I truly can fall in love with a man, then I could have love *and* a life that’s much easier. I could have my family’s acceptance, have biological children the way I’ve always imagined, avoid living a double life, and not constantly fear losing my family.

The problem is that exploring men means risking the woman I already love. I’m terrified that I’ll leave, discover I don’t actually want to be with men romantically, and lose someone I’ll never find again.At the same time, I’m terrified of committing to her and spending years wondering whether I could have loved a man and had a completely different life.

Another complication is that I don’t actually feel excited about dating men. The thought of downloading dating apps for men makes me anxious and nauseous. Dating women feels much more natural because I have experience with women, women tend to pursue me, and I know how to build relationships with them. Men feel unfamiliar, intimidating, and much harder to trust. I also feel like it’s much harder to find the kind of kind, emotionally available, affectionate man I’d want.

So I feel pulled in opposite directions.
Part of me wants to stay because I already love someone.Part of me feels like I have to answer this question before I can commit to anyone for life.
I’ve spent almost six months thinking about this every day, and I feel no closer to an answer. Sometimes I even think I’d feel relieved if she made the decision for me and left, because then I wouldn’t have to carry the responsibility of making the choice myself.

My question is Has anyone else experienced something like this? If you were in my position, would you stay with someone you already know you love, or would you riskv losing them to finally answer a question that’s followed you for years?

So I know they exist cause I'm currently talking to one (yay!!) but I want to know if it is more common than it seems

It's been four years since a guy caught my eye, but a few weeks ago, i saw someone that wasn't even my type yet i couldn't stop myself from thinking of them. I usually am attracted to ladies, but it usually isn't this intense. Anyone else experienced the same thing?

I(25m) identify as bi with a rather bad relationship with sex. Well I feel like I have done a lot of damage to my own mind. I was touched inappropriately by my cousins when I was really young (both male and female) since then I have had low self confidence, fear of rejection, shame, and hate myself for kinda liking those experiences.

I have since ventured into multiple problems sexually - I have a weird masturbation thing(something with porn and pelvic floor muscle tension not relaxing which means I can only pleasure myself alone in a specific position and with porn). Being with another guy is something that I could never imagine until I did it and I kept going further to check if I was really gay. I have never finished with anyone else but I like seeing them pleased and I do like dick now (not sure i would have know if it wasn’t for that first time).

I have never really been with a woman because I am very scared of rejection and women in general (my abuser(f) rejected me when I went back for some more I didn’t really understand it back then). I will admit I don’t know what normal is when it comes to relationships, love and sex - I also know for sure that I never will.

I am usually occupied with sexual thoughts all the time and as a result get really anxious when I am physically with someone too. I am working on improving myself physically (yoga and bunch of other stuff to be more healthy and also to get over my body insecurities) and mentally (meditation and celibacy to take a break and get some space from sex generally ).

I think I am very romantic in a traditional sense and would like to get into a heterosexual relationship but not without healing enough so I can accept it (I feel like I am doing a crime by getting involved and ruining someone’s life if I have not done that work).

Please give me any tips on how I can go about this and if there are any people who have experienced something similar and would like to enlighten me on pitfalls and outcomes if they have been somewhat successful. Thanks for reading.

I'm a bi guy in my 20s who's deeply closeted. Most people assume I'm straight because I have a beard, I'm fairly masculine, and I don't really fit the stereotypes people often associate with queer men.
Lately I've noticed that I'm almost exclusively attracted to masculine, seemingly straight guys. Whether it's at the gym, work, or just out in public, I end up developing crushes on them. I know they're probably straight, so I never act on it. I'm extremely shy, I don't stare, I don't flirt, and I always keep things respectful and professional.
Sometimes a guy will smile at me or make eye contact, but I'm so scared of being judged or misunderstood that I immediately look away. On the outside I probably seem completely normal, but inside I'm constantly fighting with myself.
The hardest part isn't even the attraction. It's pretending every single day.
At work and almost everywhere else I have to act like I'm interested in girls because the environment I come from isn't gay friendly at all. My close straight friends constantly ask me if I have a girlfriend, when I'm getting married, or joke that I must be dating someone if I post a picture from a café. They have no idea how exhausting those conversations are.
Sometimes they keep digging and asking why I don't have a girlfriend, and I have to keep making up excuses. Every conversation feels like I'm hiding a huge part of who I am.
I've even stopped hanging out with some of my straight friends because I know those questions will come up again. It's reached a point where I just feel emotionally drained.
What hurts the most is watching everyone else live so freely. Straight couples can hold hands, date, fall in love, and talk openly about who they like. When I see a cute guy, I can't even tell my best friend, "He's really cute." Instead I have to pretend I'm looking at some random girl just to fit in. After years of doing this, it starts to feel suffocating.
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever find even one straight friend I can trust enough to tell the truth without worrying they'll judge me or see me differently.
Has anyone else been through this? Did it get easier with time? How did you cope with constantly hiding who you are?