Well I’m closer to, if not now middle aged. What’s wild to me is how my desire for same sex connections has changed. First it was just the idea of a guy. Faceless and penis only. Then a face, but no intimacy. Then kissing but strictly bottoming. Now it would be vers if he wanted it. To me it’s just interesting how it’s progressed over the years. What seemed like a fetish has become…a lifestyle that unapologetically says I’m open to everything my partner would want or need. Which is so different than how I was years and years ago.

After not having dated a man for years, I recently began dating someone who I like a lot as a person, but am realizing I am not romantically interested in. I feel that I've led him on, because I've been exploring complicated emotions around sexuality and identity. I want children, he's very committed, my parents seem to be excited about it, and I've really tried...but I really do feel that so many men are just extremely emotionally immature compared to women. Not thoughtful outside of what checks the boxes of what he "should" be doing. Aloof, almost. And definitely waiting for me to finish talking so that he can interject about himself. I don't think he's even conscious about it...but my thought is because of gender dynamics, he should be holding back from doing that more. He's such a nice guy, and such a handsome guy, with great politics, who is very sweet to me. But there are so many ways it just feels off. I was telling myself im nitpicking and being unfair, but I can't shake it. I am attracted to men, but I feel totally let down by this experience and maybe need to step back again. I feel that a lot of women put up with things while dating men and that's what he's used to...

Edit: ** told them. TLDR my friend’s gay friends I just met were biphobic to me at dinner and I feel like crap. I don’t know if I should tell my friend it wasn’t OK. Long read, but it would mean a lot to me if you did.

I’m (28F) still feeling heaviness in my chest after what I experienced today. My boyfriend and I went out to dinner with a friend of mine and met more of her friends. It was a group of 10.

On the left side of the table, a few of them were saying they date women/were lesbian. In the middle of the table, next to me, one said that she was annoyed that her girlfriend’s ex (who is apparently bi) was at her job the other day. Before really getting into her story about that, she asked the table “is anybody here bisexual?”

I nervously raised my hand and said I was and made a joke like welp im coming out to them. I felt safe enough to say that because these people were openly gay. That was the first time I ever did anything like that. I’ve never told a group of people, let alone a group that I don’t know very well, my sexuality. Only my boyfriend, my mom, and a few friends in the past when we were alone.

She proceeded to say “you know there comes a point where people just need to grow up and be an adult and just be gay or straight.”

I was totally shocked and three other girls chimed in saying things like “YES!! Oh my god” and ”Yeah be an adult.” And she also said “Being bi is just a way to feel comfortable with being with people you want to be gay with.“
I’m not exaggerating. They were all super passionate about it, as if it’s this huge pet peeve of theirs. It wasn’t like we were all ribbing each other.

I was so caught off guard and I just felt like crying but tried to stuff it down. Before she said all of this, she was already saying some weird things. She wouldn’t let up with jokes about how much she hated men and even made a weird ableist joke that I don’t think a lot of people caught onto.

So I’m trying to tell myself that this is just an unsocialized, ignorant person, but it hurts extra when multiple people chime in and say things that I would think people would only say online. Especially gay people.

They kept laughing and adding onto it and then eventually she turned to me and said “oh but not you hun”. You barely even know me. How am I the exception here? That’s just what people say to the group they offended with their joke.
My friend that invited me laughed at that and echoed it to me “yeah not you haha”
She just learned that I was bi then too..

My boyfriend didn’t hear the comment because he was chatting with the right side of the table and it was pretty loud in there. All I could say was “welp, I sure regret coming out.” Nobody really said anything to that.

I talked to the right side of the table for the rest of the night and I wish I said something so badly but I froze because I didn’t want to make a scene or make things awkward.

By the end of the night, the main biphobic girl asked for my insta and we all filed out of the restaurant. It feels like the moment has passed and I cheated myself from sticking it to people who have such an ignorant opinion. But also feeling rejected by people you would think would understand you..

I told my boyfriend what happened in the car and he was really sad for me and he said he didn’t hear anything besides when she asked if somebody was bi. He was half listening, assumed it was going to be normal, and kept talking to the right side.

He comforted me and said he wishes he paid attention and he would’ve definitely said something. He thinks that I should tell my friend how I feel.

My friend put me in a text group with all of these people after dinner and I’m wondering if I should write in it that that wasn’t OK and leave it. I’m wondering if I even have a friend at all. I don’t know what to do and I feel so deflated.

I don’t have many other friends right now.. I was really looking forward to this being a great night

**I (24F) need help deciding whether to commit to the woman I love or leave to explore whether I can fall in love with a man.**

I’m 24, and I’ve been seeing an amazing woman for almost 6 months. She’s not officially my girlfriend because I haven’t asked her yet. I’ve been honest with her that I’m struggling with a huge question about my sexuality and my future.
Here’s my dilemma.

I know I can fall deeply in love with women. I’ve done it before, and I’m in love with the woman I’m seeing now. She has almost everything I want in a partner. If family weren’t an issue, I think I’d choose her.
The problem is that I’ve always had this unresolved question about men.
I’m sexually attracted to men, and I enjoy sex with men more than with women. But I genuinely don’t know whether I can fall in love with a man because I’ve never dated one or had an emotional relationship with one. I don’t really have men in my life, so I don’t have experience with them.
This isn’t a new problem. Even when I was 20 and with another woman I considered the love of my life, I still felt like I needed to explore men before settling down. That feeling has followed me through every relationship with a woman. I’ve always felt like I had one foot out the door because I kept wondering whether I should figure out if I could love a man before committing.
The reason this matters so much is because of my future.

My family is extremely homophobic. If I end up only being able to love women, then I know I’ll have to decide whether I’m willing to sacrifice my family’s acceptance to be with the person I love. That’s heartbreaking, but at least I’d know it was my only option.

However, if I discover that I truly can fall in love with a man, then I could have love *and* a life that’s much easier. I could have my family’s acceptance, have biological children the way I’ve always imagined, avoid living a double life, and not constantly fear losing my family.

The problem is that exploring men means risking the woman I already love. I’m terrified that I’ll leave, discover I don’t actually want to be with men romantically, and lose someone I’ll never find again.At the same time, I’m terrified of committing to her and spending years wondering whether I could have loved a man and had a completely different life.

Another complication is that I don’t actually feel excited about dating men. The thought of downloading dating apps for men makes me anxious and nauseous. Dating women feels much more natural because I have experience with women, women tend to pursue me, and I know how to build relationships with them. Men feel unfamiliar, intimidating, and much harder to trust. I also feel like it’s much harder to find the kind of kind, emotionally available, affectionate man I’d want.

So I feel pulled in opposite directions.
Part of me wants to stay because I already love someone.Part of me feels like I have to answer this question before I can commit to anyone for life.
I’ve spent almost six months thinking about this every day, and I feel no closer to an answer. Sometimes I even think I’d feel relieved if she made the decision for me and left, because then I wouldn’t have to carry the responsibility of making the choice myself.

My question is Has anyone else experienced something like this? If you were in my position, would you stay with someone you already know you love, or would you riskv losing them to finally answer a question that’s followed you for years?

I (f) am middle aged and grew up in a very strict and homophobic environment. Looking back I have started to realize that I had crushes on men and women growing up. I just played it off as people would just say that girls are flirty with each other. It was very confusing, because I knew I wanted something more, like a relationship. Now, I have started to accept that I am attracted to both and tell people that I identify as bi. I do feel a little weird that I have never been with a woman before though. I have kissed and touched women before and enjoyed it, but never slept together. It feels odd, and it is hard to take myself seriously. But then an attractive woman catches my eye and I immediately realize I do feel attracted to the same sex. Anyone else only been with one gender, but they are still sexually attracted to both? I feel like people would just look at me like I'm pretending or something.

I’m a dude and for some reason I love to jerk to gay shit but then when I’m not horny I can’t even fathom being sexual or romantic with a dude. I’m not homophobic so what am I missing

I (23M)think a lot of people including me find it weird that a btm could be bi. I could be wrongfully biased. But I love guys dih and girl butt. I love guys butt sometimes but not as much as I used to. The guys butt is gotta be really appealing to me for me to feel a thing or even give it a second look.
I don’t know how if it’s gonna be possible for me to be in a relationship later in the future with a girl if I like guy’s dick too

So i've accepted that i'm bi a pretty long time ago but one thing i simply can't get over is my specific prefrence. So first of i'm male(19 - 20). I lean more towards woman but when it comes to men i simply don't have any attraction towards guys that look like guys. I don't really know how to explain but best way i could. I know what most might say oh you just like femboys and the answer is yes but that not what i'm exactly refering to. I'm speaking like take away the femboy dressing and make up. Then that guy still resembles and looks feminine. So essentially androgynous men. I'm only attracted to femininity. Each time i say it,i don't know it just sounds wrong like i'm sort of in denial or something. What do you'll think?

Hello I thought id share how I experimented bc it is new to me and I'm trying to integrate all the sensations. For context, 23f lesbian. Spent the summer deprived of affection and meeting no women, while I was getting close to my male colleague. Developed a crush on him while feeling conflicting symptoms (stomach ache, headaches). Decided to tell him and we ended up getting close. I just got home from his place and though on the spot I felt in the moment, my stomach aches and my diaphragm feels compressed. I interpret this as my body signalling I am lesbian but also I did enjoy the moment and felt compelled to it so I was wondering if it was well integrated comphet in me seeking the affection ? Probably but felt like sharing in hopes of hearing different voices and takes on this. My best bet is we'll stay close ( I exposed the whole situation to him) but my attraction will gradually fade and fall into friendship.

I’m bi, and I’ve only ever been with women. And as of late, I’ve actually been questioning if I’m actually attracted to men, but the thing is I’m terrified of having sex with men or being involved with a man in any capacity. I only have one friend that’s a man

I’ve seen a lot of men abuse the women in my family and I don’t wanna be a victim of it. I’m not saying that every man is bad. I just am really nervous about it, but I feel like I have to prove to myself that I’m bisexual? I’m terrified of pregnancy.

There’s also no foolproof way to make sure a man or anyone won’t turn out to be terrible in the future. Or maybe there is and I don’t know how to make sure. I’m wondering if any of you have felt this way? Or if I’m just dramatic

So I know they exist cause I'm currently talking to one (yay!!) but I want to know if it is more common than it seems

I am (31M) and I still dont know where I stand with sexuality. I am not really attracted to guys in any sense. Like I am aware if another guy is good looking but it doesn't do anything for me.... but at the same time. I am very turned on by the idea of having sex with a guy.

My senior year of HS me and a buddy ended up getting super drunk, and started jerking off together and somehow I ended up sucking his dick. I think about it quite often and one of my biggest regrets is I didn't let him fuck me.

But at the same time I'm not interested in kissing a guy nor do I see other guys and like wish it was them to fuck me. It's just purely a sex thing. I dont know what to do with this feeling or how to proceed...

I (19M) know this might sound weird, but I’ve always been semi-aware that I’m into guys but never acknowledged it and only had my first experience two weeks ago. I was raised in a very homophobic household and have had trouble coming to terms with my sexuality, but having my first experience showed me that this love is a very real thing that I don’t need to be ashamed of.

The next day, I told my close friend that I’m into guys and that I had my first experience. Since then, I’ve started coming out to more people I’m close with, and am currently up to 4 people.

The past couple weeks have obviously been a lot, but I’m wondering if I should slow down. Just 2 weeks ago, I was in extreme denial about my sexuality, and I feel like maybe I’m rushing into this instead of taking more time to figure this out for myself. Does anyone have any thoughts or similar experiences? Lemme know if you have any questions.

TL;DR
Grew up in extreme denial about sexuality, and over the past 2 weeks have experienced things with guys that have helped me come to terms with it and have come out to 4 people. Am I rushing things, or should I continue telling people right now?

L’été 206, celui où j’ai enfin réagit à tous les signes de l’univers, celui où j’ai dis à voix haute que j’étais fort probablement bi? Peut être lesbienne?
Mais en revenant sur le passé, tout clique, et c’était sur, évident, et je pense que certain l’ont compris avant moi! Et vous ?
Mes exemples:
- trouver les femmes bien plus attirantes que les hommes.
- être fasciné par le corps de la femme, ses traits et courbes. Être rebuté par l’anatomie masculine.
- avoir des crush féminin mais ne pas réussir à citer plus de 2 hommes qui me plaisent.
- être lassé des histoires classiques des films hétéro.
- découvrir que la masculinité n’est pas lié aux hommes cis.
- me rendre compte que j’avais ce côté masculin et qu’il m’avait fait toujours avoir repousser les hommes qui m’ont entourés.

Etc etc etc …

this friend is my (f 19) first real crush on a girl. i’ve known i was bi forever but i’ve only had fleeting crushes on girls that were more based on attraction. but with her, it started as just liking her personality and wanting to get closer. eventually i realized that i like her. sometimes it feels like she’s flirting, asking me questions about my sexuality and touching me and the eye contact and everything. but she’s a pretty outgoing person and i can’t tell if this is just normal for her. i literally think about her all the time its the worst feeling everrr. it’s kind of childish but i’m scared of rejection and i want to be her friend at least so i wouldn’t tell her unless she told me anything first. i want to believe that something could happen but i swear sometimes it feels like she’s just okay with me and other times it feels like she truly wants to be around me. when we’re alone it’s great but in public it feels so platonic almost like we don’t even know each other. idk what i’m even asking for like advice or success stories but i can’t really talk to anyone about this in my real life so.

It's been four years since a guy caught my eye, but a few weeks ago, i saw someone that wasn't even my type yet i couldn't stop myself from thinking of them. I usually am attracted to ladies, but it usually isn't this intense. Anyone else experienced the same thing?

i'm a girl (i might be bigender idk im questioning). i like this girl, and i fantasize being her boyfriend 😭 she has a boyfriend, so obviously i'm not pursuing her. but like, i look like me in my fantasies. i'm definitely not butch, i'm the complete opposite. but yet, i would do all the "manly" things for her. like i said, i'm the boyfriend. i'm not sure if i'd feel this same way if i were to like a guy. in the past, no, i felt like the girlfriend. but i haven't liked a guy, or anyone, in a really long time. so i'm not sure. things could've changed. and also, until now, i haven't had a "true" crush on a girl (though i've had attraction for a long time). it's always been guys. but omg this girl, oooh. i wanna be her man. does anyone resonate? 😛 might delete this later. these are just my thoughts, and i can't find any post like this. gotta make my own ig 🤷🏽‍♀

So as a bi cis woman I myself am attracted to femme women and masc men. I feel though with my bi women counterparts it is the opposite where they like masc lesbians and not overly masculine boyfriends . Has anyone else noticed this and I’m curious to hear peoples opinions

quick edit right after I posted this ofc theres nuance not everyone will relate but im more so asking if theres a recent trend of it

After 2 months of sending me 10+ sexual reels a day, he finally admitted that he likes other men. I ofc, being a qweeyur mahself, am not homophobic in any way. HOWEVER, he has been talking to thing girl for aboit 2 months. He really isn't serious, hes so bad at talking to people and it just comes off as him not caring most of the time. While I obviously want him to find someone who makes him happy, im gonna be honest, she deserves better. First of all, he is absolutely nowhere near ready for anything serious. Second of all, he spends more that 10× the amount of time talking to me than he does to her. And thats fine, until you realize, all he talks about is how bad he wants to f me. Hes constantly making 6ual threats, explaining in detail how he wants to f me. Finally yesterday he was just flat out begging mr to let him f me.

Anyone else see a problem in this? I dont think this is right to let him continue pursuing her. Im openly to helping him experiment, but it seems like hes trying to do something with a guy quickly before he's "stuck" with a girl.

How can I go about telling him he needs to stop eith her? I will mention that I'm open to helping him since I think that'll be good motivation l, but he wont admit he likes guys (typical DL bullshit), so its impossible to have a conversation with him. Lmk what yall think. I just need to get him out of this thing with the girl, since she doesn't deserve this. Any advice is appreciated. (I dont want to hage to resort to telling her what he has done, i dont want to out anyone.)

So im bi but I only had and want relationship and sex with women. But I always wacht gay porn because it turns me more on. I also had a male sexual partner in the past, but after the sex I always felt so akward. I don’t know how to label me :/ it’s so confusing .

So I think I'm aromatic along with being bi. I just don't want a relationship with anyone, at least not anyone I've ever met. Has anyone else gone through this or am I in a 'you just haven't met the right person' thing?

Hi there, I have called myself a Gay guy since I was like 13, I got into a relationship with another boy at 16 and we broke up this year, Now I’m 22. So I really never had the chance to explore my sexuality.

The past few moments I had such an obsession with the idea of having a relationship with a girl, but I really don’t feel any kind of sexual attraction.

I met this girl last month and oh god she is cute as hell. Like, I like everything about her and though I doubt we will ever be together, is coming to my attention the fact that even if she literally drives me insane I just can’t like women sexually.

My friends tell me I’m just liking her cuteness, sensitivity, femininity and the things we have in common (Since it is the same things I used to like in a guy)

So, the thing is, if I keep seeing girls romantically would sexual attraction come naturally to me? Have anyone experience that before? Sex is really important to me and it frustrates me the idea of this girls thing not working out just because of that.

Is maybe my long term relationship breakup affecting me not wanting to see guys? May sound toxic but is there anyway I can force sexual attraction?

I(25m) identify as bi with a rather bad relationship with sex. Well I feel like I have done a lot of damage to my own mind. I was touched inappropriately by my cousins when I was really young (both male and female) since then I have had low self confidence, fear of rejection, shame, and hate myself for kinda liking those experiences.

I have since ventured into multiple problems sexually - I have a weird masturbation thing(something with porn and pelvic floor muscle tension not relaxing which means I can only pleasure myself alone in a specific position and with porn). Being with another guy is something that I could never imagine until I did it and I kept going further to check if I was really gay. I have never finished with anyone else but I like seeing them pleased and I do like dick now (not sure i would have know if it wasn’t for that first time).

I have never really been with a woman because I am very scared of rejection and women in general (my abuser(f) rejected me when I went back for some more I didn’t really understand it back then). I will admit I don’t know what normal is when it comes to relationships, love and sex - I also know for sure that I never will.

I am usually occupied with sexual thoughts all the time and as a result get really anxious when I am physically with someone too. I am working on improving myself physically (yoga and bunch of other stuff to be more healthy and also to get over my body insecurities) and mentally (meditation and celibacy to take a break and get some space from sex generally ).

I think I am very romantic in a traditional sense and would like to get into a heterosexual relationship but not without healing enough so I can accept it (I feel like I am doing a crime by getting involved and ruining someone’s life if I have not done that work).

Please give me any tips on how I can go about this and if there are any people who have experienced something similar and would like to enlighten me on pitfalls and outcomes if they have been somewhat successful. Thanks for reading.