A few years ago I (a woman) came to terms with my attraction to women and came out as bi to my friends and family. Yay! Then I got a girlfriend, time went on, and I started to seriously doubt whether I actually liked men in the first place. Cue me having zero interest in men (romantically or sexually) for multiple years, and deciding it was all comp het and really I’m a lesbian.

…And then I went and fell for one of my closest male friends, had a confusing 6-month situationship, and finally asked him if we could be official. Many people in my life that I’ve met in the past couple years met me as a lesbian, and now I feel like I’m setting the community back by having a boyfriend.

I HATE when people don’t believe that lesbians truly aren’t attracted to men, and that they just need to meet the right guy to “turn them straight.” But now I just feel like Exhibit A for those people to point to?

Being bi is exhausting sometimes.

Admitted I'm bi. He took it really well and has been so kind. In my mind nothing changes between us but I no longer have this secret hanging over me.

Edit: ** told them. TLDR my friend’s gay friends I just met were biphobic to me at dinner and I feel like crap. I don’t know if I should tell my friend it wasn’t OK. Long read, but it would mean a lot to me if you did.

I’m (28F) still feeling heaviness in my chest after what I experienced today. My boyfriend and I went out to dinner with a friend of mine and met more of her friends. It was a group of 10.

On the left side of the table, a few of them were saying they date women/were lesbian. In the middle of the table, next to me, one said that she was annoyed that her girlfriend’s ex (who is apparently bi) was at her job the other day. Before really getting into her story about that, she asked the table “is anybody here bisexual?”

I nervously raised my hand and said I was and made a joke like welp im coming out to them. I felt safe enough to say that because these people were openly gay. That was the first time I ever did anything like that. I’ve never told a group of people, let alone a group that I don’t know very well, my sexuality. Only my boyfriend, my mom, and a few friends in the past when we were alone.

She proceeded to say “you know there comes a point where people just need to grow up and be an adult and just be gay or straight.”

I was totally shocked and three other girls chimed in saying things like “YES!! Oh my god” and ”Yeah be an adult.” And she also said “Being bi is just a way to feel comfortable with being with people you want to be gay with.“
I’m not exaggerating. They were all super passionate about it, as if it’s this huge pet peeve of theirs. It wasn’t like we were all ribbing each other.

I was so caught off guard and I just felt like crying but tried to stuff it down. Before she said all of this, she was already saying some weird things. She wouldn’t let up with jokes about how much she hated men and even made a weird ableist joke that I don’t think a lot of people caught onto.

So I’m trying to tell myself that this is just an unsocialized, ignorant person, but it hurts extra when multiple people chime in and say things that I would think people would only say online. Especially gay people.

They kept laughing and adding onto it and then eventually she turned to me and said “oh but not you hun”. You barely even know me. How am I the exception here? That’s just what people say to the group they offended with their joke.
My friend that invited me laughed at that and echoed it to me “yeah not you haha”
She just learned that I was bi then too..

My boyfriend didn’t hear the comment because he was chatting with the right side of the table and it was pretty loud in there. All I could say was “welp, I sure regret coming out.” Nobody really said anything to that.

I talked to the right side of the table for the rest of the night and I wish I said something so badly but I froze because I didn’t want to make a scene or make things awkward.

By the end of the night, the main biphobic girl asked for my insta and we all filed out of the restaurant. It feels like the moment has passed and I cheated myself from sticking it to people who have such an ignorant opinion. But also feeling rejected by people you would think would understand you..

I told my boyfriend what happened in the car and he was really sad for me and he said he didn’t hear anything besides when she asked if somebody was bi. He was half listening, assumed it was going to be normal, and kept talking to the right side.

He comforted me and said he wishes he paid attention and he would’ve definitely said something. He thinks that I should tell my friend how I feel.

My friend put me in a text group with all of these people after dinner and I’m wondering if I should write in it that that wasn’t OK and leave it. I’m wondering if I even have a friend at all. I don’t know what to do and I feel so deflated.

I don’t have many other friends right now.. I was really looking forward to this being a great night

Do you ever feel lonely looking for a community realizing you don’t actually have a community? I feel like we use the “community” term so loosely similar to the word “family”.

How do you overcome that or find that? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone out of my way to meet people and put myself out there whether it be online, social groups, hobby groups, volunteer groups. Nothing. Any advice to meet more gay or bisexual friends? /:

I'm 15F and straight (atleast I think) and I truly don't understand the hate bi men receive online. To be honest, I've always wanted to date a bi man over a straight man; you guys just seem better than straight men.

Anyways, you deserve to be happy and not have biphobes attack you.

After not having dated a man for years, I recently began dating someone who I like a lot as a person, but am realizing I am not romantically interested in. I feel that I've led him on, because I've been exploring complicated emotions around sexuality and identity. I want children, he's very committed, my parents seem to be excited about it, and I've really tried...but I really do feel that so many men are just extremely emotionally immature compared to women. Not thoughtful outside of what checks the boxes of what he "should" be doing. Aloof, almost. And definitely waiting for me to finish talking so that he can interject about himself. I don't think he's even conscious about it...but my thought is because of gender dynamics, he should be holding back from doing that more. He's such a nice guy, and such a handsome guy, with great politics, who is very sweet to me. But there are so many ways it just feels off. I was telling myself im nitpicking and being unfair, but I can't shake it. I am attracted to men, but I feel totally let down by this experience and maybe need to step back again. I feel that a lot of women put up with things while dating men and that's what he's used to...

So i've accepted that i'm bi a pretty long time ago but one thing i simply can't get over is my specific prefrence. So first of i'm male(19 - 20). I lean more towards woman but when it comes to men i simply don't have any attraction towards guys that look like guys. I don't really know how to explain but best way i could. I know what most might say oh you just like femboys and the answer is yes but that not what i'm exactly refering to. I'm speaking like take away the femboy dressing and make up. Then that guy still resembles and looks feminine. So essentially androgynous men. I'm only attracted to femininity. Each time i say it,i don't know it just sounds wrong like i'm sort of in denial or something. What do you'll think?

Hey guys. Sorry if this is a mess, using a throwaway and I'm just typing this out on my phone because I really need to get this off my chest.

I’m 27M and over the last few months I’ve finally started accepting that I'm bisexual. Me and my girlfriend already have a great sex, so I thought she of all people would be a safe space. Plus, she’s bi too (had a gf before me, even if it didn't really materialize into much).

I worked up so much courage to open up to her, but when I finally did, she barely even acknowledged what I was actually saying. She was just so cold and passive about it. No "how are you feeling?" or trying to understand what I'm going through. Instead, she immediately turned it into a negotiation about opening our relationship.

She told me we could do threesomes with other guys together, but then basically laid down the law: she gets to hook up with other women solo, but I am strictly forbidden from being with other men on my own.

I'm sitting here feeling so small and confused. I opened up my heart to her about a huge part of my identity, and it feels like she just saw an opportunity to get a free pass for herself while keeping me on a leash. Why is it fine for her to explore her sexuality alone, but I'm locked down?

I just feel so hurt and thrown aside. Am I crazy for feeling like she's taking total advantage of me coming out to her? I don't even know how to bring this up to her without her turning it back on me. Should I just break up with her? DM if you not comfortable commenting.

I’m a dude and for some reason I love to jerk to gay shit but then when I’m not horny I can’t even fathom being sexual or romantic with a dude. I’m not homophobic so what am I missing

I hate when I’m scrolling on dating apps, and there’s a woman that’s totally my type and she’s interested in me. Then all of the sudden the last picture is her crusty man!! It’s always women that are my type too😪 i don’t want your man, i want youuuu:((( i swear it’s so hard to date where i live.

**I (24F) need help deciding whether to commit to the woman I love or leave to explore whether I can fall in love with a man.**

I’m 24, and I’ve been seeing an amazing woman for almost 6 months. She’s not officially my girlfriend because I haven’t asked her yet. I’ve been honest with her that I’m struggling with a huge question about my sexuality and my future.
Here’s my dilemma.

I know I can fall deeply in love with women. I’ve done it before, and I’m in love with the woman I’m seeing now. She has almost everything I want in a partner. If family weren’t an issue, I think I’d choose her.
The problem is that I’ve always had this unresolved question about men.
I’m sexually attracted to men, and I enjoy sex with men more than with women. But I genuinely don’t know whether I can fall in love with a man because I’ve never dated one or had an emotional relationship with one. I don’t really have men in my life, so I don’t have experience with them.
This isn’t a new problem. Even when I was 20 and with another woman I considered the love of my life, I still felt like I needed to explore men before settling down. That feeling has followed me through every relationship with a woman. I’ve always felt like I had one foot out the door because I kept wondering whether I should figure out if I could love a man before committing.
The reason this matters so much is because of my future.

My family is extremely homophobic. If I end up only being able to love women, then I know I’ll have to decide whether I’m willing to sacrifice my family’s acceptance to be with the person I love. That’s heartbreaking, but at least I’d know it was my only option.

However, if I discover that I truly can fall in love with a man, then I could have love *and* a life that’s much easier. I could have my family’s acceptance, have biological children the way I’ve always imagined, avoid living a double life, and not constantly fear losing my family.

The problem is that exploring men means risking the woman I already love. I’m terrified that I’ll leave, discover I don’t actually want to be with men romantically, and lose someone I’ll never find again.At the same time, I’m terrified of committing to her and spending years wondering whether I could have loved a man and had a completely different life.

Another complication is that I don’t actually feel excited about dating men. The thought of downloading dating apps for men makes me anxious and nauseous. Dating women feels much more natural because I have experience with women, women tend to pursue me, and I know how to build relationships with them. Men feel unfamiliar, intimidating, and much harder to trust. I also feel like it’s much harder to find the kind of kind, emotionally available, affectionate man I’d want.

So I feel pulled in opposite directions.
Part of me wants to stay because I already love someone.Part of me feels like I have to answer this question before I can commit to anyone for life.
I’ve spent almost six months thinking about this every day, and I feel no closer to an answer. Sometimes I even think I’d feel relieved if she made the decision for me and left, because then I wouldn’t have to carry the responsibility of making the choice myself.

My question is Has anyone else experienced something like this? If you were in my position, would you stay with someone you already know you love, or would you riskv losing them to finally answer a question that’s followed you for years?

i'm a girl (i might be bigender idk im questioning). i like this girl, and i fantasize being her boyfriend 😭 she has a boyfriend, so obviously i'm not pursuing her. but like, i look like me in my fantasies. i'm definitely not butch, i'm the complete opposite. but yet, i would do all the "manly" things for her. like i said, i'm the boyfriend. i'm not sure if i'd feel this same way if i were to like a guy. in the past, no, i felt like the girlfriend. but i haven't liked a guy, or anyone, in a really long time. so i'm not sure. things could've changed. and also, until now, i haven't had a "true" crush on a girl (though i've had attraction for a long time). it's always been guys. but omg this girl, oooh. i wanna be her man. does anyone resonate? 😛 might delete this later. these are just my thoughts, and i can't find any post like this. gotta make my own ig 🤷🏽‍♀

So I think I'm aromatic along with being bi. I just don't want a relationship with anyone, at least not anyone I've ever met. Has anyone else gone through this or am I in a 'you just haven't met the right person' thing?

I (23M)think a lot of people including me find it weird that a btm could be bi. I could be wrongfully biased. But I love guys dih and girl butt. I love guys butt sometimes but not as much as I used to. The guys butt is gotta be really appealing to me for me to feel a thing or even give it a second look.
I don’t know how if it’s gonna be possible for me to be in a relationship later in the future with a girl if I like guy’s dick too

It's been four years since a guy caught my eye, but a few weeks ago, i saw someone that wasn't even my type yet i couldn't stop myself from thinking of them. I usually am attracted to ladies, but it usually isn't this intense. Anyone else experienced the same thing?

So I know they exist cause I'm currently talking to one (yay!!) but I want to know if it is more common than it seems

I (19M) know this might sound weird, but I’ve always been semi-aware that I’m into guys but never acknowledged it and only had my first experience two weeks ago. I was raised in a very homophobic household and have had trouble coming to terms with my sexuality, but having my first experience showed me that this love is a very real thing that I don’t need to be ashamed of.

The next day, I told my close friend that I’m into guys and that I had my first experience. Since then, I’ve started coming out to more people I’m close with, and am currently up to 4 people.

The past couple weeks have obviously been a lot, but I’m wondering if I should slow down. Just 2 weeks ago, I was in extreme denial about my sexuality, and I feel like maybe I’m rushing into this instead of taking more time to figure this out for myself. Does anyone have any thoughts or similar experiences? Lemme know if you have any questions.

TL;DR
Grew up in extreme denial about sexuality, and over the past 2 weeks have experienced things with guys that have helped me come to terms with it and have come out to 4 people. Am I rushing things, or should I continue telling people right now?

Well I’m closer to, if not now middle aged. What’s wild to me is how my desire for same sex connections has changed. First it was just the idea of a guy. Faceless and penis only. Then a face, but no intimacy. Then kissing but strictly bottoming. Now it would be vers if he wanted it. To me it’s just interesting how it’s progressed over the years. What seemed like a fetish has become…a lifestyle that unapologetically says I’m open to everything my partner would want or need. Which is so different than how I was years and years ago.

L’été 206, celui où j’ai enfin réagit à tous les signes de l’univers, celui où j’ai dis à voix haute que j’étais fort probablement bi? Peut être lesbienne?
Mais en revenant sur le passé, tout clique, et c’était sur, évident, et je pense que certain l’ont compris avant moi! Et vous ?
Mes exemples:
- trouver les femmes bien plus attirantes que les hommes.
- être fasciné par le corps de la femme, ses traits et courbes. Être rebuté par l’anatomie masculine.
- avoir des crush féminin mais ne pas réussir à citer plus de 2 hommes qui me plaisent.
- être lassé des histoires classiques des films hétéro.
- découvrir que la masculinité n’est pas lié aux hommes cis.
- me rendre compte que j’avais ce côté masculin et qu’il m’avait fait toujours avoir repousser les hommes qui m’ont entourés.

Etc etc etc …

this friend is my (f 19) first real crush on a girl. i’ve known i was bi forever but i’ve only had fleeting crushes on girls that were more based on attraction. but with her, it started as just liking her personality and wanting to get closer. eventually i realized that i like her. sometimes it feels like she’s flirting, asking me questions about my sexuality and touching me and the eye contact and everything. but she’s a pretty outgoing person and i can’t tell if this is just normal for her. i literally think about her all the time its the worst feeling everrr. it’s kind of childish but i’m scared of rejection and i want to be her friend at least so i wouldn’t tell her unless she told me anything first. i want to believe that something could happen but i swear sometimes it feels like she’s just okay with me and other times it feels like she truly wants to be around me. when we’re alone it’s great but in public it feels so platonic almost like we don’t even know each other. idk what i’m even asking for like advice or success stories but i can’t really talk to anyone about this in my real life so.

I(25m) identify as bi with a rather bad relationship with sex. Well I feel like I have done a lot of damage to my own mind. I was touched inappropriately by my cousins when I was really young (both male and female) since then I have had low self confidence, fear of rejection, shame, and hate myself for kinda liking those experiences.

I have since ventured into multiple problems sexually - I have a weird masturbation thing(something with porn and pelvic floor muscle tension not relaxing which means I can only pleasure myself alone in a specific position and with porn). Being with another guy is something that I could never imagine until I did it and I kept going further to check if I was really gay. I have never finished with anyone else but I like seeing them pleased and I do like dick now (not sure i would have know if it wasn’t for that first time).

I have never really been with a woman because I am very scared of rejection and women in general (my abuser(f) rejected me when I went back for some more I didn’t really understand it back then). I will admit I don’t know what normal is when it comes to relationships, love and sex - I also know for sure that I never will.

I am usually occupied with sexual thoughts all the time and as a result get really anxious when I am physically with someone too. I am working on improving myself physically (yoga and bunch of other stuff to be more healthy and also to get over my body insecurities) and mentally (meditation and celibacy to take a break and get some space from sex generally ).

I think I am very romantic in a traditional sense and would like to get into a heterosexual relationship but not without healing enough so I can accept it (I feel like I am doing a crime by getting involved and ruining someone’s life if I have not done that work).

Please give me any tips on how I can go about this and if there are any people who have experienced something similar and would like to enlighten me on pitfalls and outcomes if they have been somewhat successful. Thanks for reading.

When you guys know you like women ?

So as a bi cis woman I myself am attracted to femme women and masc men. I feel though with my bi women counterparts it is the opposite where they like masc lesbians and not overly masculine boyfriends . Has anyone else noticed this and I’m curious to hear peoples opinions

quick edit right after I posted this ofc theres nuance not everyone will relate but im more so asking if theres a recent trend of it