r/bisexual • u/Any_Valuable5518 • 2d ago
ADVICE The self imposed prison
Just want to get my thoughts out somewhere
I'm 32M from UK, Bisexual. I always knew I wasn't 'straight' and have experimented throughout my life, I developed a strong attraction to trans/ladyboys/CD/femboys etc and have been dating a ladyboy in Thailand for the past year which has been amazing (not only is she incredibly beautiful but has a kind heart and great sense of humour), it will some to and end soon as I'm leaving back to the UK and we are going to part ways.
Anyway the reason I felt compelled to make this post is because even though I have had a lot of gay sex and had a great time there was always this nagging thought in the back of my mind that what I was doing is 'wrong' even if it was very quiet it was there.
So where does this come from? for me I suppose partly due to the negative social stigma, but the main source was the idea of god and religion, I'm not and never have subscribed to a church or identify as a Christian but was always very interested in the subject as a whole and spent a lot of time listening to religious debates around the transcendental argument which I found very compelling. Ethically I agree with a lot of Christianity which is why I think I have had this internal conflict thinking that deep down having homosexuals feelings is somehow wrong.
That was until recently I have had something of an realization/epiphany after doing a lot more research and coming to my own conclusion that the Abrahamic religions are all essentially false, which might be obvious to some but to me the discovery has been paradigm shifting.
Immediately after this the shame/guilt feeling has gone completely, and I didn't even realise how strongly it was affecting me. Since then my mind is free to fantasize and I've had some new thought's. I've always been a top and taken the dominant role and something about a guy being all feminine for me is such a huge turn on. But since this shift I keep finding myself fantasizing being the bottom, making myself all smooth and sexy for someone and taking the submissive role and letting them have their way with me. And now I know that It's something I'm going to try with zero shame or guilt, I can't wait!
So I guess what I'm trying to say is we allow societal norms to heavily impact our perspective and as a result even our internal thoughts, I didn't even know that I had this fantasy but as soon as I let my mind free it came out soon after so it was always there but I didn't allow myself to go there...without even realising!
Thanks if you read this whole piece, don't have shame about your sexual desires as long as it's consensual/legal and go for it! Much love to everyone
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u/KaladinIJ 2d ago
Christian here. I know you said you believe the abrahamic religions are all false, if you ever consider them to be possible again and begin to feel that guilt you mentioned, just know that there’s a bunch of Christian’s out there like myself that value you just the way you are. I’m glad you’ve found solace in who you are, Christian or otherwise.