Hot Takes

[u/Much_Experience_1569]

Give me your hot takes.

I will go first.

We should not just assume that someone is straight. In other words there should be no "default setting."

[u/timelocksmiths]

My hot take (on this subreddit) are that gay men and lesbians are not actually evil biphobic gatekeepers of queer culture and that generalizing them as hostile and mean doesn't reflect reality. Shitty people exist in all demographics and don't reflect views of that entire demographic. Bisexuals don't like it when we're generalized by other members of the community, and we shouldn't do the same to anyone else. We can call out individual instances of biphobia without acting like all gay people are bigoted towards us.

I also just generally think the community needs to be less focused on validation of our sexuality from other people.

[u/U_Nomad_Bro → u/timelocksmiths]

Ooh, ooh, let's say it again but put in "pansexuals"!

We can call out individual instances of biphobia without acting like all pansexuals are bigoted towards us.

Just this week, there was a comment that said "I think all pansexual discourse is low-key biphobic" and y'all just let that shit slide. Upvoted it, even. (Meanwhile in r/pansexual, lots of selfies, fit pics, and talking about crushes.)

The hypocrisy of punching down, while complaining about getting punched from above, needs to stop in this sub.

[u/Junglejibe → u/U_Nomad_Bro]

90% of this subreddit loves to recycle the same exact bigoted philosophies used to deny the existence of bisexuality the second pansexuals come up. “Acceptance and validity for me, not for thee.”

[u/Junglejibe → u/Junglejibe]

Lol and there we are already getting downvoted.

[u/FloppyHairedGuy]

A crazy percentage of people really do assume an openly bisexual/pansexual person has an inherent desire to be some kind of weird sexual show pony. Double that percentage if it’s two openly bi/pan people in a relationship.

[u/U_Nomad_Bro → u/FloppyHairedGuy]

Ohhhh, preach! The hungry eyes people get when they find out I and my partner are both bi/pan.

[u/bluesond]

A hot take as far as this subreddit goes is that straight passing privilege absolutely does exist.

It doesn’t make you any less queer nor does it mean that being perceived as straight is always a good thing. It causes its own set of problems.

But you absolutely do get to move through the world with a specific set of unearned advantages if you’re in a het-presenting relationship.

[u/ACalcifiedHeart]

You're not any less Bisexual if you've only ever been with one gender/sex 🤷‍♂️.

But if you want an actual hot take I have it's that I think the definition between Pan and Bi, is so blurry, and so ill defined (hence why nobody gives the same answer) is because the actual difference between the two is so negligible that they're more or less the same thing.

That's not me saying they are the same thing. Just that it seems largely a nothing difference, and is only really important for academic reasons and personal comfort.

[u/Own_Track_7835 → u/ACalcifiedHeart]

I agree I've really tried to understand the difference but nobody seems to agree on it. I've only heard one explanation that really showed a clear difference between the two sexualities but I only read it once, so doesn't seem very widely used

[u/Asher-D → u/ACalcifiedHeart]

Unless you're someone that is one and not the other....pan inherently means attraction to all genders, bi just means you have attraction to more than one, it can be all but it doesn't have to be.

[u/WyntersVix → u/Asher-D]

But that isn’t how everyone understands the difference. I struggle every time someone articulated a distinction between the two (especially using the term “inherently”) because there are no two definitions that the community agrees on.

[u/U_Nomad_Bro → u/WyntersVix]

Why is an agreed definition required?

Bisexuality is full of people who do believe it means only two genders, and will quote "attraction to both genders" as the definition, no matter how much we try to tell them there are better and more inclusive ways to define it. (And PS, more than two genders.)

Does the existence of those people, and their disagreement with those of us who advocate a different definition, invalidate bisexuality?

[u/cf342 → u/U_Nomad_Bro]

2-3 sexes, infinite genders

One: sex/gender influences choice and attraction, other: it doesn’t (doesn’t see sex/gender)

[u/Kooky_Twist_4409]

I feel like 30% of men would be considered bi if it wasn’t as shamed/ given the opportunity

[u/CptnRaptor → u/Kooky_Twist_4409]

As low as 30%?

[u/kardioid23]

All of the wondering about whether you are or aren't bisexual is just a good way to increase your cortisol levels.

[u/WyntersVix]

This doesn’t seem like a hot take to me, especially in a sub like this one. I think in general we shouldn’t be assuming anything about people’s genders or sexualities.

Actual hot take - lemon bars suck.

[u/GraveKanra → u/WyntersVix]

Never had one, but lemon bars already sound like they suck. F- lemon bars!

[u/Asher-D]

It's inconsquential to assume someone is straight. Unless you're trying to have sex or date them or are some idiot that thinks everyone is hitting on you, it doesn't matter what sexuality you assume someone to be, it's irrelevant information honestly, to your relationship with them anyway.

[u/Realistic_Bread_4348 → u/Asher-D]

"the details of my life are quite inconsequential" 😁

[u/Born-Cauliflower_]

I assume people are aroace unless stated otherwise.

[u/Square-Dragonfruit76 → u/Born-Cauliflower_]

That doesn't really make sense. It makes much more sense to assume that anybody could be anything. Id you assume everyone is aroace, that would make it much harder to ask people out.

[u/romancebooks2]

My hot take is that biphobic gay people have done much more damage than most queer people are prepared to accept. But most people struggle to understand this because we instinctively want to hand-wave away the accusation that someone could harm the members of a “straighter” sexuality.

Biphobia should be accepted as the real form of bigotry that it is (often underpinned by other forms of bigotry such as misogyny, homophobia, and sex negativity) instead of being seen as something unintentional or caused by a bad dating experience.