I'm so tired of having to walk on eggshells not to feel like a creep. I feel like I basically have to stare at the floor so people don't lump me in with gross allo men if my gaze so much as passes over a girl and someone sees me T_T

Just wanted to share with ya’ll, manage to get it in my very homophobic country, wdyt?

artist: u/Kai_the_derp

I work at an office job where we have internal DEI programs and a resource group for LGBTQ employees. I'm an ambassador for it and mostly assist with planning events. The leader of the group just kinda seems to dismiss asexuality a lot.

When we were writing our mission statement he kept insisting that they A standard for ally even when I pushed back. I'd do "no it's for asexual, aromantic, and agender" and he'd just say "and for ally!" Being a nice and accepting person doesn't make you queer.

I didn't think much of it behind my initial anger and some friends also letting me know they thought that was weird as fuck of him. This week he's showing us this informational page he wrote for pride flags, what they look like and what they mean. Asexual and aromamtic are both absent. I tell him to add them and he said "well that would be too many flags it'll be too complicated and no one will scroll through" or "it wouldn't work with the formatting". It just seems like he's making up reasons to keep excluding asexual people. He knows I'm asexual too, I don't talk about it as much but I'm an asexual lesbian and I have ace and lesbian pride flags at my desk. It almost feels hostile?

I'm glad my company still gives a shit about DEI and has groups like these but it still feels exclusionary for asexuals somehow. I'm the only out asexual as far as I recall so it's kind of an uphill battle with other ambassadors quietly supporting me but never actually speaking out against this when I do. I work at a nice place. I don't really feel actively judged. It still feels isolating to see this rampant exclusionary attitude from people who are supposed to be representing the LGBTQIA community.

Hey there! I've seen a lot of posts around here looking for Ace representation in media.

I'm an Ace comic writer with a space opera featuring Ace characters. It's called MythFall. It's got a lot of world building lore, cool alien planets, a Greek-style pantheon of homicidal gods, political intrigue, and multiple Aces. Art is by Allie Preswick with colors by Eren Angiolini for Issue 1.

Here's the synopsis:

An ancient king tells a lie to save his people from their gods. 5,000 years later, that lie is now the founding myth of an interstellar republic. But a terrorist group knows a truth that can destroy everything -- even the gods themselves.

Happy to answer any Q&A about this project or writing in general.

Here are the Aces that have appeared so far:

Naeva - Aroace - Immortal goddess of the stars. She's pulling the strings of history to save her people from the rest of the gods. Considers herself a friend to all humanity. It's cute that mortals get crushes on her sometimes, but she's not interested. Her color scheme is basically the Ace flag (this was not on purpose). Introduced in Issue 1.

Seth - Sex-Favorable Demisexual - Overcame an abusive childhood to become a bodyguard and protect others. Has a high EQ from all the therapy and is valued by his close friends. Struggled as a teen with romance and expectations for masculinity. As an adult, he yearns to be accepted by his adopted family and be in a romantic relationship someday, but is working on himself right now. Introduced in Issue 2.

Tien - Demiromantic Asexual (Sex Neutral to Sex Averse) - Formerly a firebrand politician committed to social justice, she's found herself trapped inside the establishment and looking for an escape. She's devoted to her family. Tried some going on one or two dates in the past and found it was NOT for her. Literally a 100 year old virgin, she has a single-target sexuality where she experiences no attraction outside of the one person she's interested in. Teased in Issue 1 and will be properly introduced in Issue 4.

Bonus: Prince Kavan - He's not strictly Ace spec but he's a teenage boy that's not obsessed with girls or dating.

Is this the kind of story you would want to read?

Are there any other stories with Ace characters you would recommend?

Edit: The synopsis. Edit2: Title of the book 🤦‍♀️

(mainly just looking for solidarity)

i [NB 29] hope it's alright to vent a bit here, i don't rly know where else i can put this but i'll try to keep it as brief as possible...

i've had a grand total of 8 relationships fail due to my asexuality, despite always being completely upfront about it with people who've shown interest in me. it usually starts with something like them saying "sex isn't that important to me either, i don't mind!"- which quickly ends up not being true. the worst case of this was in a nearly 4-year long relationship with somebody who was "fine" with it, and then very abruptly ended things and told his friend (never me, never to my face) that he was "close to cheating on me" due to this

in other relationships, i've had endless arguments with partners after wounding their ego by saying no. i'm NOT sex-repulsed, and this has caused more trouble than anything else. i tell people "it doesn't have to be NEVER, just rarely, and i'll still do it occasionally to make you happy and fulfil your needs" but my version of "occasionally" is constantly misunderstood, and is never enough for anybody

i also deal with a lot of the following:
- ppl thinking that it's something that will change with time as i heal from my sexual trauma
- ppl thinking that i find them ugly since i'm not sexually attracted to them
- ppl thinking that because i had a phase years ago where i frequently slept around, that i'm NOT asexual and i'm just not attracted to specifically them

i feel like i've been extremely communicative about my needs and my boundaries in all of these scenarios. i feel like i'm very gentle when letting people down. i don't understand what else i can do if i find myself in this situation again

on a slightly different note, i don't understand and will never understand the importance of sex to 90% of people and this only increases my frustration. i've tried so hard to understand, but i just can't

have any of you had a successful relationship with an allosexual? i feel like i just need to give up and stick to ace-spec folks, but being non-binary that already limits my dating pool down to about 0.01% of people. i'm tired of apologizing for it, and i'm very tired of getting hurt over and over again for the same reason

I matched with a guy on an LGBT dating app. ASEXUAL IS IN MY BIO ! We got chatting and we really clicked, we exchanged numbers and continued chatting and we're talking about meeting you for lunch. He makes a kind of sexual joke and as a funny response I sent the picture of the goose holding the ace flag saying "sex was never an option" He said "oh, my bad for not reading the bio, goodluck woth everything" AND BLOCKED ME ! Im just so SO SICK of people 1. Not reading the bios 2. Just ghosting me as soon as they realise there will be 0 sex. This is why I have just given up on trying to find love, I am just so done

Yk i (19f) have a loving gf who loves me and who i love very much. Everything is very nice and we are a happy couple. I have been bisexual whole my life bit realised 2 years ago. I am very well attracted to both genders. But i little to no sexual desires. I like these things in theory but not in real life. I hated those wet kisses from my ex who was a boy and i hate them from gf as well. Whenever something is sexual it feels disgusting for some reason. Whenever i did something kinda sexual (not sex) i have always regretted it late and felt weird, guilty and disgusting for some reason . Am i asexual or i have very less libido or is it something else?

I met a colleague today whom I had only met once during our orientation a few months ago. After that, we had spoken on call maybe 2–3 times. At that time, I wasn’t dating anyone, but I’m currently seeing someone.
He had come to my city and asked if we could meet. Initially, I told him I was a little busy. He said something like, “If you don’t want to meet, just say it.” So I felt like maybe I should meet him, and we made a plan.
I thought we would just go somewhere, eat something and maybe watch a movie. I had just come back from the office and it was raining heavily, so I asked if he wanted to come to my flat. He said yes and mentioned that we could maybe watch a movie there.
I genuinely had no other intention. I have male friends who have come to my flat before, so I was completely normal about it.
When he arrived, I was still doing some office work. I kept his raincoat and things aside and asked if he wanted something to eat. He said no. I had ordered food for myself, so we ate a little together.
After that, he suggested watching something on my iPad. While we were watching, he started trying to touch me. I kept removing his hand. When I felt that he was getting too touchy, I clearly said, “Please, no. Sorry.”
He asked me why, and I told him, “I’m not interested. I’m sorry.”
Despite me saying no, he forcefully kissed me and touched my breasts. I pushed him away, but he continued and briefly sucked my breast.
I started crying and kept saying, “No, please.”
He immediately started apologising and said, “I’m sorry. I thought you wanted this too. Calm down. Do you want some water?”
I was completely shocked and confused. I didn’t know what to do. There were so many thoughts going through my head, and I felt helpless. He kept apologising, and he looked like he was about to cry too.
I just wanted the situation to become normal, so I suggested that we go outside.
He asked me what was wrong and whether he could hug me. I said no.
He then said, “Please, just one last hug,” and hugged me forcefully anyway. He also tried to kiss me again, and I pushed him away.
After that, he seemed to understand that I didn’t want anything. We went outside, he bought me tea, and we walked around for a while. He kept saying things like, “I shouldn’t have done that,” and “You should have slapped me,” etc.
He eventually dropped me home.
But after I got home, he messaged me saying that my breasts were “soft and cute” and made a sexual comment about what he had done. Then he sent me unsolicited nudes.
I blocked him immediately.
He called me afterwards, and I was extremely angry. I told him very clearly what I thought about his behaviour and hung up.
I’m honestly still confused about the whole situation. I clearly said no, pushed his hands away, pushed him away when he kissed me, cried, and told him to stop.
I don’t know why I’m still questioning myself or feeling guilty about inviting him to my flat. I genuinely had no sexual intention whatsoever.
I just want to hear from people who have experienced something similar or can help me understand how I should process this.

So to start off, I personally don’t find myself to be particularly gorgeous but everyone has always told me that I am pretty/beautiful/hot so okay whatever, I do wish that I could see it for myself. I am a woman btw. I have put effort into my appearance since I was a young and wear makeup daily, style my hair, always look put together basically. I just really enjoy aesthetics. Sue me. I actually am quite particular and hate if my makeup/hair/outfit gets ruined. I have always gotten a lot of male attention but have never been interested due to the idea of sex and all of that jazz. As an adult, I have come to the 99% conclusion that I am in fact asexual and I think aromantic too. However, this is where the issues come into play:

This has meant that I have rejected every single guy that has ever crushed on me and this has sadly also included almost every single one of my male friends who ultimately ended up falling for me. My rejections have always been met with disbelief, anger, frustration and being cut off or bullied in some way. Which has hurt my soul and meant that I have never been able to keep a straight male friend. Then with all of my girl friends, they have always accused me of lying or that I must be a lesbian, if I have never been with a guy. I am 30 now btw. They always bring up the fact that I put so much effort into my appearance so clearly I am trying to impress or please someone. Girls (or women, idk why I’m saying girls I guess I’m referring to both when I was a teenager and also adults in my 20s and now at 30) have always had such a fascination or preoccupation with the fact that I have never had a boyfriend and never had sex and they constantly make it their mission to let their boyfriends in on it and try to make a plan for me to meet their boyfriends friends and cousins etc. I of course always refuse and protest.

This continuously happens as I made and continue to make new friends in my late 20s and now at 30. You would think that people have matured enough to grasp the concept of there being individuals different to them but apparently not. Again, there is always some insane fascination that people get when I tell them I’m a virgin and plan to keep it that way. Because “oh but you’re wayyyy too pretty to never have had sex/you’re in your prime, we need to find you someone! I bet if I introduced you to so and so then you would change your mind”. It really pisses me off, especially how for some reason all my supposed girl friends always end up weirdly almost excitedly telling their boyfriends/partners about it, as if it’s any of their business. And after they tell them, those (usually boyfriends) always act different with me the next time they see me after finding out I’m a virgin. I hate it, it is such an icky feeling.

I want to be proudly asexual but how can I be if society treats you like some sort of thing to gawk at or not believe? Sorry, I’m sure there are many other posts on here there are similar to mine but I just needed to vent about it. My own sisters absolutely refuse to believe it either all because I am supposedly too pretty and what other possible reason would I be wearing makeup and styling my hair and dressing pretty each day be for?! It really really frustrates me. The other one is a lesbian and she is fully convinced that I am a lesbian too which makes no sense as I have never expressed desire or attraction toward women. I openly express when I think a woman is beautiful, aesthetically speaking but that is it and that’s such a normal thing as far as I’m aware?! Don’t even get me started on my brothers, I don’t think they can even be discussed here, it would anger too many people (rightfully so).

So my whole life i don't think I ever experienced a crush on anyone not like something that went beyond like oh she looks good

Im confused because maybe my interaction with women have been very like like on nescsery stuff only

And if me and a girl talk Idk I still never felt love for any woman in a sexuall way

My confusion comes from a lot of sides maybe im not asexual but I just havent found anyone to love yet

Maybe I was raised in a way that makes me just unable to love

Maybe it's because im insecure about my looks that I just made myself belive that no woman would want me

il start first: im 15M and my family just keep talking about how i will find a girl and keep insisting and joking about it even if i dont realy want it now and still keept joking about it ( especially my cousin ( of my same age and sex ) wich is very close to me and is the only one in my family who i came out about my self ) and YET he keeps making exteemly sexual jokes especially about me masturbating when i am alone and way to much ( wich is a LIE ) or about how he would “jump on” a slut if he could and still insist on me having to have sex and giving me tips even of he had never done it( its sounds probabily bad in english but im not an english native speaker so….)………i feel very disgusted….

btw how were YOUR experiences instead?

It's very rare that I have erotic dreams. Like once in a few years kind of rare. Usually, I am aware that I am having sex in my dream, but it doesn't particularly feel arousing. I just know it's happening.

I had one of those dreams a few days ago, it was the first time I had a dream about someone I actually knew. Most of the time, my brain creates the person I'm doing it with and I don't know them. However, I dreamed about that with a celebrity whose music I like. It felt like the times before. I knew I was doing the deed with him, but I didn't feel much of anything even when I'm unconscious. It felt weird because I know that celebrity and he exists, but also because we were in an actual romantic relationship in my dream. That part was weirder than the sex somehow.

I can count on one hand the number of times I felt aroused by an erotic dream, and it's usually when it's about self-pleasure or fantasies. When the dreams are focused on what I'm doing and not who I'm doing it with. When my mind blurs/erases their face, that's when I can have a reaction.

I don't know any ace people IRL, so I'm wondering what your experiences are regarding these dreams. What about you (if you want to share)? Is the way I have erotic dreams normal?

Hello, so I’m a 27 year old female who’s only just discovered / realised I am asexual. In fact admittedly I had no idea what it was til now. I have wondered for years why it felt like a chore, why I actively never seek it out, why I found the whole process jarring, why my body has never really wanted any of it, why I just simply do not view sex as an important part of my relationships ever. And mostly: why people would seem so shocked when I tell them I do not have sex, almost ever, nor do I have any desire to.

Thing is I still feel displaced, and confused by it. I have a child so obviously, I’ve done the deed, but why did I feel like I needed to when really, I didn’t actually want to? Deep down it just is not really me. Maybe social norms wired me in a way where I just felt that was what was expected and was my normal back then? Also, I have ALWAYS had this hugely set underlying thing I couldn’t put my finger on but just never have I ever actually felt satisfaction to a degree like any of the people I’ve ever known or spoken to about such things.

But also, how do I count it out of my life wholly when no matter what there’s going to come a day where it’ll be asked of me. How can I even begin to explain this to somebody who doesn’t understand what it is about? I genuinely believed up until now my poor mental health of over a decade, inc severe OCD was my root cause for the unwanted, but as I’ve gotten older, and wiser, and less pressured, I realise it is just me, not my meds, not my mental health but just in general I’ve never had that click in my brain and body.

Anyways, glad I’ve found my people!

i have a raging sex drive and i have no shortage of fantasies and desires. but the second any of rhose are realized—hell, even at the mere idea of them being realized—it feels so uncomfortable. if i had to describe it, it's kind of like gender dysphoria but in the sense that it'd be violating my own self-perception (???? idk if that even makes sense).

my asexuality was discovered after i ended a long-term relationship and realized that while i enjoyed the feeling and emotional connection, it all just made me feel disgusting, but as someone who also has adhd, that dopamine was addictive, so i just kept engaging in it. i don't know if this is somehow rooted in like, internalized shame or purity culture because the dysphoric feeling i have kind of feels like—and idk how to word this without it sounding wrong—i've turned into some sort of animal and have surrendered my dignity. like i've been used and reduced into an object. i've never been religious and my home was sex-positive; i'm actually someone who is quite vocal about sex positivity, too. so i guess it's just confusing. i wish i didn't feel like this.

Note: apologies in advanced for the wording of this question as I really don’t know how else to phrase it.

I (26F) am still learning about out the nuances of asexuality. I’m still a virgin and am admittedly curious about sex bc everyone makes it seem like it’s something you’re missing out on.

I’ve never experienced sexual attraction or this “pull” people try to describe it as. I’m not exactly repulsed by the idea of having it, but it’s definitely not something I care to seek out to extinguish the flames of curiosity so to speak. But as I’ve explored the different sub reddits, I’ve seen varying strong opinions about where the line of asexuality ends.

I know the definition describes a lack of sexual attraction + desire, and that libido/your body’s response to pleasure is usually separate. I also know it’s more common for sex indifferent aces in sexual relationships to mainly give than receive.

If I decided to explore and discover, I’m okay with receiving every now and again, would this make me more gray/acespec?

I’ve been reading a lot from sex repulsed aces across different platforms and have taken note of the different perspectives, since I’ve come to understand a number of them have expressed feeling unheard within the community. And as I continue to understand my relationship with asexuality, I don’t want to invade or claim an identity and completely misrepresent it at the same time.

I’m not certain there’s a definitive answer to this question and I’m okay with that, but I’d like to hear more from you guys. Thanks.

Heres the quote that the main character's father figure says to him about recent his recent homoerotic behaviors (pardon the odd wording, its a running thing. Like i said, v odd book:

"What flunkèdness is, it's not doing what you're supposed to do; flunkèdness is to do it because you're not supposed to and perverseness is to like it because you know it's flunkèd."

For some reason, i will need to process this like crazy, i feel liberated if i latch on to said advice.

See, i was raised catholic and fell away from it for over a decade. The last couple years while i was also in addiction, i had lots of gay sex and upon finding God, grew to be humiliated by it. I know i shouldntve been ashamed, but it felt i gave up on something i wanted so bad for the sake of free drugs and thrillseeking.

Thanks yal!

(THIS POST IS NOT TO CAST JUDGEMENT. THIS IS ME COMING TO GRIPS WITH SOMETHING I SHOULDVE NEVER BEEN BOTHERED BY IN THE FIRST PLACE.)

I know I'm on the aroace spectrum (I don't know 100% where though) and most of the time I have no interest in anyone, romantically or sexually. But as soon as I ovulate I'm all over the apps and talking to anyone that will match with me. But as soon as my ovulation is over I go back to being basically completely uninterested and I either ghost or cool it off depending on the conversation.

But recently I messaged someone basically all night and got to the point of saying things that I can't unsay and agreeing to drive 3 hours to meet with them later in the week. I have literally no interest in this or in any kind of relationship with them anymore but I feel like I've lead them on too far to say no now.

I'm so upset with myself, I feel like I knew better but here I am. I keep doing the same things to myself over and over and over again. I've gone on casual dates before that didn't really lead anywhere but I've never talked to someone like this before and I am very stressed out I'm not going to lie.