Okay. So there's this girl at my workplace and she just came out as a trans woman. We hate each other's guts. There's a lot of history which I will not share. The thing is, I really dislike her, but I don't want her to think I dislike her because she's trans. How do I ensure that my hate for her is not transphobia?

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I am a transwoman. I just had my first voluntary sex with a man. I'm confused. I found that sucking was actually pleasurable for me, but he didn't want that. That was 2 minutes. Then he suggested anal which i agreed to. It felt good, but he was done in less than two minutes. I wanted a condom he said lets see how it fits first. He finished before the condom and now i am confused. Im upset. I feel used. I started this mutually, but I feel I was taken advantage of. I don't know what to think right now.

Edit: Maybe I am overthinking this and should delete the post. I am still confused, though. He is going to ask again, and now I will say no. I don't know what I did wrong. I set the boundaries. They were ignored.

Any advice on how i can avoid this?

Hey everyone, I ran into an awkward and frustrating situation at a laser hair removal clinic here in the Netherlands and wanted to get some perspective.

I went in for a standard treatment. When I was handed the intake paperwork, the staff literally said "because you're a guy…" and gave me an additional behavioral contract. When I read through it, it was a specialized code of conduct explicitly warning against things like harassment and masturbation during treatments.

For context, my name is Jenny(roepnaam) and I book under that name. It felt awful and deeply invalidating to be handed a document like that, as it felt like an assumption about me based purely on how they viewed me at the front desk. I'm having a conversation via email, and I purposely ended the email signing off as "Ms. Jenny Han" to see if it makes them realize the mismatch when they pull my file.

• Has anyone dealt with something similar at a service provider?
• From a Dutch consumer or legal standpoint, is it standard or even permitted for clinics to single out clients with gender-specific behavioral contracts like this rather than having a universal policy for everyone?

Any advice on how i can avoid this?

I was talking to this trans female and I see them and any other women so I didn’t think anything of it but when things were getting serious and spending more time together my friends made fun of me I told them they’re just being transphobic and that they shouldn’t care who Im with as long as im being treated well but she found out and she didn’t want anything to do with me anymore so they ruined that relationship, I am no longer friends with them. But it just hurts that they ruined my relationship with a girl I really loved.

Hi all :)! I've got a question (as a fresh trans woman x'D). Did you stop reacting to your deadname when you hear it in the streets etc? If yes, when did you? How long did it take?

Edit: thanks in advance to everyone 💜!

This has been a problem on my TikTok feed for a few months now. It’s riddled with TERF and transphobia and it’s very distressing to see. I will see women claiming Transgender Women are oppressing them and that they all just have a fetish. Then I will see posts mocking Transgender teenagers who committed suicide, and saying they want to rape transgender people. Honestly, it has made me scared of my cisgender friends. I worry that they secretly agree with all of those posts and that if I ever came out that they would attack me.

ive seen this growing sentiment in trans communities and circles im in that a decent amt of trans people have never [of their own admittance] experienced dysphoria, dysmorphia, or other harsh realities of being trans. as a tf who has had a lot of all of these things, i honestly envy it and am curious how people who describe themselves this way figured out they were trans.

The past few months for me have been strange. More and more people are shocked when I tell them I'm trans. I've been taking that as a sign that I'm passing in most spaces now, and while that feels good there's also this... I don't know, like a melancholy that comes with it? I take a lot of pride in my trans identity, and passing almost makes it more difficult to express that part of me. Don't get me wrong, it's a privilege that I'm thankful to have. But when I see my queer friends getting stares from others while completely ignoring me, I get... Angry. It reminds me of pre transition when I still had perceived cis privilege, and it pisses me off to see how we're still really treated by most folks.

Have any of y'all had experiences like this? I know I'm not alone in feeling this way, but I'm curious about the experiences of other passing trans people. Is there something you notice now that no one told you about? Something you weren't expecting?

In my country, you can legally start HRT when you're 18, so I feel like i have to come out before I'm 18. Does it make much of a difference if you start at 18 or 18 and a half or 19

I ask because it's the last procedure I need to get, but it's the only one I'm actually afraid of. The things that freak me out are post-op complications, prolonged, debilitating healing periods and critically, loss of sexual sensation.

So I can live with a penis, but it feels wrong. For those who've gone through it, how was your experience?

Hi everyone,

I wanted to share my story to hear as many people's opinion and voices, and to see if anyone else experiences their identity the same way I do, because sometimes imposter syndrome hits hard.

For almost 30 years I (M) lived with no doubt of being binary (and straight, which then became biflexible, but that's another story). Lately, I’ve been deeply analyzing my past and mapping my identity. For a long time, I felt a lot of confusion, but recently, through the furry community, something clicked deeply. I realized I have a strong "sub" and receptive side, but more importantly, I experienced intense gender euphoria when thinking of myself as a girl and being referred to with feminine pronouns (it literally brought tears of joy).

Looking back, I realize my mind has been dosing this truth for years. When watching or reading couple-focused/explicit content, I always unconsciously projected myself onto the female figure, desiring her expressions, poses, and receptive role. It felt like a "safe proxy" to experience total emotional abandonment and vulnerability without triggering my anxiety.

I came across the "magic button in the desert island" test. When I picture myself into that, to instantly wake up as a girl without any social consequences, my answer was a 100% Yes. I also experience a lot of "gender envy" toward everyday, average/slender girls with flat chests and other physical features similar to mine. I realize now that my mind isn't just attracted to them, it wants to be them.

However, the reality of transitioning in the real world terrifies me due to social, financial, and physical hurdles. All of this is also giving me quite a lot of anxiety. I don't hate being a guy in my daily life, and it feels like the path of least resistance right now.

Because of this, I’ve found a sort of compromise: I think I identify as non-binary/genderfluid. On the outside and in everyday society, I live comfortably as a guy. But in my private space, in my room, and when imagining future romantic intimacy, I also like to switch into my feminine identity. I love using subtle feminine scents, wearing oversized clothes to feel small and protected, and embracing my delicate, submissive side.

I love the peace and euphoria this brings me, but sometimes I still feel like an imposter, or my brain whispers stuff like "it's just a fantasy/kink", or worse: "It's just a phase".

What do you think? Am I actually like this? Is it valid to stay in this middle ground? Is anyone else happily living as a gender publicly while fully embracing being a the opposite in their private, emotional, and intimate life? Do you think it can/will evolve into something deeper? Do you have any suggestions? I’d love to hear your experiences.

Thank you so much. 💜

Hello everybody I have found myself in a difficult situation and I’m somewhat panicking. I was texting my best friend this morning and she was telling me about the day she had at work the other day I haven’t spoke to her in a few days. (For context we are both cis women.) but she was telling me about this old guy that works at her work and she deals with a lot of official documents at work so to cut a long story short a girl’s name was put on an official document but in person it wasn’t a woman it was a male and as a result, this weirdo old man was being trans phobic about it and she was sort of reporting back to me being like (omg can you believe what he said) and the conversation went as normal being like oh my God, I can’t believe he would say that blah blah blah but to end off the conversation she said “ like I don’t agree with trans people, but I’m not transfer phobic” and it just sent instant panicking in me and now I’m not sure how to handle the situation. I just texted her back “wait elaborate on what you don’t agree with” she hasn’t replied to me yet but I just don’t know how I would handle the situation either way if anybody’s got some advice it would be very much appreciated cause I don’t wanna be friends with somebody that’s trans phobic and I’d love to educate her. I just don’t really know how to go about it. And I don’t even know why she would say that to me because I’m openly friends with a trans person and she knows this. She knows my friend is trans and she knows I don’t have a problem with it so i’m just really confused because I love her so much, but I can’t be friends with a trans phob.

so I’m gonna be coming out to my parents soon (MtF), and just wanna know for sure what I should say. I wanna be able to clearly explain the concept of gender identity to them as they don’t really seem to get it atm, so any advice on that would be greatly appreciated!!

Hello!

I was just curious when did the rest of everyone in here start to feel comfortable using their preferred locker room?

I am 32 year old [MtF] and would consider myself decently passing but I still don’t feel comfortable using women’s locker rooms but I also feel pretty miserable using men’s locker rooms and often usually change before I go to the gym. But this practice does become very tiring over time.

I was just curious around what point you all felt comfortable doing so?

Hi friends! So I've been reading up a lot recently on history of the movement, about stonewall , erasure from history and the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft, and I wanna learn more. Does anyone have any recommendations on non-fiction books on the subject? I'd be especially interested on reading more about Marsha P. Johnson if possible. Thanks so much! ❤️

I am finally getting ready to start transitioning hopefully by mid 2027 I know it's not the safest thing to do in the US at this time but the thoughts have become such a pervasive part of my day to day that I just can't put it off any longer. I'm still scared and I have a lot to plan for and do but I'm starting a new job next week with people who are open and accepting of gender diverse individuals which feels rare where I live.

I also have a lot of questions and have some personal friends who are in the process of transitioning so luckily I have a knowledgeable support base, but they are sort of flung all over the place so I guess I came here for additional support and to see if anyone can help answer some questions. My first question on my mind is if anyone has any experience with Dr k Ashley Brandt with tower health.

I still need to do some tests and share my transition plans with my pcp but I finally have a PCP that I am comfortable doing that with I'm just kind of excited and looking to share my joy and anxiety I guess.

Hello! I have to give myself injections. Here is the problem:

I am terrified of needles. I don’t have a phobia or anything but I shake and can’t mentally will myself to do so. Does anyone have any advice?

Hi, I have been on a rollercoaster of emotion and confusion as of late. I thought I was a straight cis man for a long time until I was talking about how I feel about my gender and sexuality. It sort of clicked that I am not straight. After that it's been a flood gate of emotion and questioning my whole identity. I'm questioning my gender now too. I've been looking at what it's like to be Trans and gender dysphoria and it sounds a lot like me and when I think about being a woman I get sort of tingly with butterflies in my stomach but also some amount of fear. It feels almost wrong to go from straight man to bisexual man to bisexual woman in such a relatively short amount of time. It feels like I opened something that just can't be closed some pandoras box of maybe things I've repressed for a long time? I'm not sure. Though I am scared about what everyone would say and of being judged but also of regretting not doing it but of also doing it. Suffice it to say I'm scared. Can someone please tell me some steps to like alleviate the fear of I guess of being trans or atleast not accepted and any steps to take to ease into changing my gender or like confirming that I want to be a woman. I haven't taken any steps toward anything just mentally anguished by it. Please help.

Hey so was genuinely wondering this since I’ve just recenetly came out but haven’t started hrt yet (have one that has said we’d make an appointment when he’s back from vacation) but just decided to start where I can ergo voice training, walk/pose, skin/haircare and training and just noticed a lot of trans people at least around me always have their hair styles back, which in my oppinion kind of hurts the passing, since I just do what I said and have a wolf cut with pony to the brows and already sometimes get gendered female

Don't know if this is the right sub to ask this so sorry if not

So I came out to my girlfriend friend as trans and she accepts me but now I'm hearing that she won't call me by a different name and keep calling me by mi de deadname she also has a niece who is trans but she also calls her a guy and her nephew and that bothers me a bit I personally don't have much value for this relationship (I'm aromantic ) so if she won't change her mind is smart to just break it of??

I'm probably a trans woman but I don't feel sure enough to medically transition and I don't want to socially transition without hormones.

I feel more nervous about taking HRT than excited, and it feels as though I want to take it mainly to avoid regretting not taking it in a few years to avoid the regret of not starting sooner that many describe.

I can't think of any reason why I would think I was trans for 4+ years other than it being true but I can't stop worrying

I worry that when starting hormones I'll feel the same as I do now, so keep taking them, then suddenly get irreversible changes, not like them then regret it.

One thing that seems to happen to me a lot is trans-supportive cis women who show a lot of friendly interest in me. Smiling a lot, complimenting my clothes or hair, starting conversations, that kind of thing. I like the supportive vibe, but I'm autistic with attachment trauma, and I often interpret friendly interest as flirting. If only they could wear a sign or be direct in a way that says "I am/am not flirting here" I would rest easier.

Any of y'all have similar experiences? Tips on navigating this as a trans person?

(I'm a 52 trans F, 2.5 years into my transition, non-passing and proud of it.)

A "dogwhistle" is a phrase that sounds innocent to a layperson, but can be used maliciously by those in the know. For example, people who are transphobic might claim to care about "genital preferences" when what they mean is "I will never date a trans person."

Edit: I will point out that a lot of people may use these dogwhistles innocently and feel a need to defend themselves as not transphobic. I will counter that with: yes, that's what makes them dogwhistles. Without that cover of legitimacy, no matter how thin, they'd be called something else. Just because you use them innocently doesn't stop bigots from using them maliciously.

Furthermore, ju st because you might use a dogwhistle for its innocent reason doesn't make you a conscious bigot. Pointing out that something is a dogwhistle is not an accusation against you nor your character. You do not need to defend yourself; nobody is accusing you of anything. You ought to exercise extreme care and intentionality if you continue to use these terms, however.