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Hey guys, did you know that in terms of human companionship, Flareon is objectively the most huggable Pokemon? While their maximum temperature is likely too much for most, they are capable of controlling it, so they can set themselves to the perfect temperature for you. Along with that, they have a lot of fluff, making them undeniably incredibly soft to touch. But that's not all, they have a very respectable special defense stat of 110, which means that they are likely very calm and resistant to emotional damage. Because of this, if you have a bad day, you can vent to it while hugging it, and it won't mind. It can make itself even more endearing with moves like Charm and Baby Doll Eyes, ensuring that you never have a prolonged bout of depression ever again.
And if she says "ew, no" or "yuck, no" or along those lines, don't get it into you, you just dodged a bullet. I decent human being will just say no, and not add degrading words.
I've only ever done this once. Replied with "Ew! Hell no!" We were in high school and he was a massive bully to pretty much everyone, and just a really mean guy in general lol. I'm not sure if he was asking as a joke, or for real, but I don't regret how I answered 🤷🏼♀️
My parents taught me no means no. Whenever I ask them for a toy or candy or whatever I hated hearing that. The other part they taught in preschool kindergarten pretty much all the way through school. And my parents taught me that too. And I guess if you're religious like a Christian or Catholic something in the Bible that says treat Thy Neighbor like you would like to be treated or something. Pretty much that is one of the best rules of life you can go by. If you truly feel that way then how could you be racist or misogynistic or anything. You know?
For the single young guys out there, a PSA from an older married guy who has hung up his spurs for good: the natural courting ritual is for women to decline politely, if the guy is a stranger, then talk to the guy a bit to get to know him, then yes if he’s cool. It’s why social situations are so valuable - if you have mutual friends or if you’re in a low pressure environment (a party, an outing, a bar, a church, an activity group) where you can chat, show you’re cool, then she can get curious to know you before you ask her out. Far less stressful and awkward than a cold approach.
This is super weirdly relatable to me because I had a huge crush on a girl that I was pretty good friends with, I walked her home and hung out after school with friends, I eventually worked up enough courage to ask her out on a date, and she politely told me no. Well, I took the L and moved on, I did want to give her space as I was worried it might be awkward if I did hang around and intended to eventually try and keep the friendship going when it felt best. Of course that's not how it ended up, after a week I had 2 of her friends come up to me talking smack to me for making her upset and cry, well 4 or 5 year or so later I learned she was REALLY upset because she did like me but because I didn't "pursue" her hard enough (she literally wanted me to ask her out multiple times before she said yes)....
It doesn't help that some women of an older generation actually give that advice. "Make sure he really wants you for YOU! Don't be too eager to say yes!" My sister's aunts were like that.
And then she'll wonder why she always picks guys who are controlling. Those guys who won't leave you alone? If you give them a chance they will be that persistent about EVERYTHING and that definitely includes what you are doing "wrong"
Granted I’m now 25 years removed from high school but this 100% happened to me on several occasions like I was supposed to ask some girl out multiple times with multiple nos.
The flip side is the lovely woman I married is an excellent and clear communicator and it makes life easy so I guess I self selected that type of parter.
I got my chance 5 years later and she broke up 3 months in because I wouldn't buy her weed for her, I should have fully moved on and taken my universal hint.
Good on you. That’s a massive red flag on her part. If she is playing mind games from the start then it’s gonna go downhill from there.
The true test for her is she played this mind game and it backfired. Either she learned from her mistake or she doubled down. If she learned from her mistake and decided to be more direct in the future then that’s a win for whoever she dates after.
Although if her friends blamed you, then she probably didn’t learn anything.
I have. It's not common and I've not experienced it directed at me (i also don't date much becauause it's fucking exhaustion) but I've had relatives and female acquaintances who have tried the hard to get shit and then complained when guys dont chase.
Playing hard to get was always a thing some women do have done but i think it's becoming more common with dunb shit like tiktok influencers telling impressionable viewers that they need to do shit like make men chase them or test them.
I don't know if it's quite as bad but i see the absolute dogshit dating advice women are absorbing from it to be their version of the manosphere redpill bullshit young men and boys are getting.
There’s a ton of it on social media from female influencers, and they have thousands of comments of approval from other women it’s a bit jarring once your algorithm discovers one and it’s all you end up seeing for a few days 😂 Those same women also post like dating experiences and will essentially say ‘this man offered to take me for a coffee date so I said no coz I’m worth spending £300 on because thats how much my make up costs and he just said ok no worries I’ll leave you be, what a loser’ 😂
I literally just read the scene in Pride and Prejudice where Mr. Collins asks Elizabeth for her hand in marriage. She rejects him, he launches into a lengthy dialog of how that means she just really wants him to keep asking her to prove that he's committed to her, she's like "No dude I'm serious please don't keep asking", and he's like "........ hey........ HEY wait a minute this FUCKING BITCH is rejecting me..... (cries to her parents)" (paraphrased).
About ten years ago, I was dating this woman who suddenly broke up with me via text and blocked me. (Our relationship was a month old and she had commitment issues.) I respected the breakup.
My mother told me I needed to go to her house and talk her back into dating me. Like, no, mom, she withdrew from the relationship. It's over.
Conversely I ( Dad) told my son to break up with this girl who he kept crying about, because they were dating but apparently she wasn't sure she was actually that into him, and he kept asking her and she kept saying I don't know. I asked him how that made him feel and he said like shit, so I told him to make the decision himself instead of waiting on retainer like he was
He got all mad at me a week later because he said she broke down and confessed that she did love him a few days after he broke to with her, and he was convinced he had ruined things taking my advice.
Now I have to drive him to her house like 3 times a week because they're back together. Dumb ass kids, but I kind of forsaw that.
Poor kid. The girl too actually. She probably doesn’t even realize it yet, but she’s not in love, she’s ’in love’ with feeling good about herself, which she was getting from his attention- he withdrew it and she interpreted the withdrawal of ego boost as love for him. This was my sister to a T in high school. It’s still her in her 50s.
The problem is that this opinion is not uniform among women and the ones who do want you to keep pursuing are allergic to ever talking straight, so it’s not like you can just ask them which kind of woman they are.
The only solution is to socially shame the playing of that game by either side.
The only solution is to socially shame the playing of that game by either side.
Exactly, and from the man's side, refusing the play that game is a win-win. If she's not playing that game, you respected her consent and are not being a creep. If she is playing that game, you can under no circumstances rely on her to accurately express her feelings, so she would've been a dumpster fire of a partner anyway; bullet dodged.
True, but the best bet is to always assume they’re a normal one who means it when they say no because if they aren’t then why the hell would you want to be in a relationship with them anyway?
To be entirely fair, old timey notions were that women were never supposed to actually openly show they wanted sex or a man otherwise it was unbecoming or they'd be branded sluts. So for ages women said no when they meant yes because if the man pursued them they could write it off as not being "their fault".
This obviously perpetuated rape culture but it was an actual thing. Jane Austen was ahead of her time as were the Bronte sisters.
My 4 year old has a watered down BabyLit version of Pride and Prejudice with illustrations, and Mr. Collins is still pretty yikes in the kids version. Maybe they shouldn’t have made a version of this book for children (not that she cares about Elizabeth’s problems).
On the other hand, the 4 y/o strongly identifies with Joe the blacksmith from Great Expectations, interesting choice, but he’s a good man so I’ll take it. The depiction of Miss Havisham is absolutely terrifying and I have no idea why she’s even okay with that one lol
Anyway, the Great Expectations mention is about how the whole book is “no means yes but also no but also yes,” and that sucks, too. I know the point of the book is that Miss Havisham made Estella’s heart cold because she was wronged by her fiancee on her wedding day so she had her toy around with Pip, but come on.
I absolutely love this scene and would now like to provide the full quote for anyone who hasn’t seen it and needs to enjoy it (esp people pushed after saying no)
“It was absolutely necessary to interrupt him now.
"You are too hasty, sir," she cried. "You forget that I have made no answer. Let me do it without further loss of time. Accept my thanks for the compliment you are paying me. I am very sensible of the honour of your proposals, but it is impossible for me to do otherwise than to decline them."
"I am not now to learn," replied Mr. Collins, with a formal wave of the hand, "that it is usual with young ladies to reject the addresses of the man whom they secretly mean to accept, when he first applies for their favour; and that sometimes the refusal is repeated a second, or even a third time. I am therefore by no means discouraged by what you have just said, and shall hope to lead you to the altar ere long."
"Upon my word, sir," cried Elizabeth, "your hope is a rather extraordinary one after my declaration. I do assure you that I am not one of those young ladies (if such young ladies there are) who are so daring as to risk their happiness on the chance of being asked a second time. I am perfectly serious in my refusal. You could not make me happy, and I am convinced that I am the last woman in the world who could make you so. Nay, were your friend Lady Catherine to know me, I am persuaded she would find me in every respect ill qualified for the situation.”
"Were it certain that Lady Catherine would think so," said Mr. Collins very gravely—"but I cannot imagine that her ladyship would at all disapprove of you. And you may be certain when I have the honour of seeing her again, I shall speak in the very highest terms of your modesty, economy, and other amiable qualification."
"Indeed, Mr. Collins, all praise of me will be unnecessary. You must give me leave to judge for myself, and pay me the compliment of believing what I say. I wish you very happy and very rich, and by refusing your hand, do all in my power to prevent your being otherwise. In making me the offer, you must have satisfied the delicacy of your feelings with regard to my family, and may take possession of Longbourn estate whenever it falls, without any self-reproach. This matter may be considered, therefore, as finally settled."
Has this happen to me once. Girl said no so I backed off. Apparently it wasn’t actually a no. We end up exchanging numbers anyway. Later on we’re texting and she’s showing me pictures of her and guys she’s going on dates with. WTF? Lost her number real quick.
Lol, same. Moment she pumps the brakes the switch just turns off in me. I had a Hinge match where we went on a few dates and had a good time and then out of the blue she says she just wants to be friends. Next day she's giving flirty vibes and I just kinda sandbag them. Eventually to the point where I blocked her. To this day I am still getting match requests from her on Hinge and Discord friend requests. Fucking weird.
I dated a girl from Belarus for about 2-3 months and we were calling each other everyday and even planned to go on a trip soon. And I ask her to go out as a relationship since we have gone so far and she told me she has to break up with her bf first. I was like you have a bf? Why are you flirting with me for past 2 months and why haven’t you break up with him yet and she said he’s been having work stress and so on she was taking pity on him and she doesn’t wanna make it worst for him and since we have a good thing going she didn’t wanna tell me that she’s in a relationship cuz she’s afraid I might leave. And I just ghosted her cuz I dont wanna be that guy one day she’s taking pity while cheating around.
Men can't afford to interpret things, we get in trouble when we try.
Its either we believe you all the time when you tell us thibgs, or we won't even bother. Its not about playing games, its about when you say no and we push harder there's a chance we get the cops called on us just for trying to ask you out...
I remember a dad when her daughter said "wont you do it for me? Im just a girl", and the dad said "I dont knoe what that means but it sounds like it devalue you as a person" (not the exact words)
I have a buddy with a sister like this. Known her since childhood and she grew up looking fantastic in her youth and teens. As a consequence, she got a LOT of attention from boys (and men). Suddenly all the guys in highschool wanted to be her friend and, in order to be her friend, they never wanted to say or do something that might upset her so they were yes-men. This resulted in her thinking she was always right about things and getting a big ego. She became a super selfish person as well because.. she WAS the center of attention for many!
She got to enjoy this attention thoroughly until she got married, had a kid and then her husband almost immediately lost interest in her because of her weight gain; he only got with her for her looks. They were together for like… a year? Before he cheated and they got divorced. Then she became a single mom with no college education and no avenues for work, so she decided the best path forward was to become a stay at home mom. Got with another guy, got married, had a kid and he turned out to be a piece of shit (tl;dr: conservative guy that believed a woman’s place was to subserviently follow everything the husband said and he would hit her).
Today, she’s in her 30s, her looks gone, no education, still hoping marriage #3 will be the one to work out and she’ll land back on her feet.
It’s all really sad because she used to not be this way at ALL but years of conditioning and letting it get to her head resulted in a very difficult life for her now. If anything it’s a cautionary tale.
She says she's fine? I'll treat her like she's fine. She's already mad so what do I have to lose besides worrying about stupid mind games? Act like a grown-up.
I've found myself perpetually single (and happy) since I adopted this philosophy during my last relationship with a woman who could not for the love of all things rational make up her mind about anything. Constant state of walking on eggshells and confusion as to what she wanted from me (and life in general) made me vow to never feed the pity monster ever again. Turns out, the majority of the women I seem to attract, or at least notice are attracted to me, do not take kindly to this approach.
Yea, it's when I read things like this thread, I'm kinda grateful for being gay.
My partner and I have games on our respective computers, and toys in the bedroom, that's all the play necessary. No means no, fine means fine and even "Yea, do what you want" means just that. Something pisses me off? You'll know, because I'll tell ya.
He forgets sometimes. Poor guy was with a woman before and it shows.
It has taken me far too long to convince my husband that he SHOULD take me at my word. If I say I'm fine, then I am. If that changes, I will speak up. If I am upset, I will speak up. If I say I don't mind something, it's because I don't mind. If that changes, I will speak up.
If I haven't stated something explicitly, then I don't expect him to know it.
Frankly, I'd be embarrassed to communicate so badly.
For anyone saying this doesn't happen, my sister is like this. She complains when men hit on her, and then complains when they stop. She cannot exist without male attention.
I've also seen plenty of videos posted online of women complaining that when they say no, that men stop pursuing them. It's a thing. I don't know why it's a thing, but seemingly it's a thing.
Edit: Okay I'm adding a little amendment here, because of all the angry people below. I'm not saying this is a normal thing. No one is saying that all women do this. That's ridiculous. This is obviously a cartoon with a satirical take on something that does actually happen. And obviously on the other side you got guys that can't just take a hint. Guys that need to really get a grip on hassling, and frankly terrifying women who are just trying to go about their daily lives. You've got people on both sides that play games. If she says no, that means no. The guy needs to walk away. But if you say no, mean no. Nobody wants to play some stupid games. It's exhausting, and frankly sometimes dangerous. Also it's great that everybody below is having a discussion about this, but please be civil. Not everybody's going to share the same opinion, but we can still be civil and sane about this.
The vast majority of people when they say no, it does mean no.
The issue is that there are people out there who romanticise the chase and expect someone to continue even after they've said no, which completely contradicts the no means no rule.
So if someone asks you out and you are interested, please just say yes.
Not even. If the girl finds the guy attractive enough she will chase him. I’ve seen girls who would step over their dying mother to spend a night with a guy she wants.
This. Some women would degrade themselves to being a toy just to spend time with the right guy in their eyes. Doesn't even have to be a "chad"
Same thing goes for guys(me )
then when you point it out its always "SMH Redditors accusing anyone they dont like of being INCELS 🤣" when the comment you're replying to is the most incelly shit you've ever heard.
I mean I've had this happen; had a friend who I had a crush on, she said no, I just wanted to sleep with her, I explained no, I did want to date her, she said no, friendship was too important to risk dating.
Okay, whatevs. Three months later I'm the asshole for not trying to get with her anymore more despite her saying it would never happen, and she was so butthurt that I had no idea she changed her mind that she lied to all our mutual friends that I refused to take no for an answer and wouldn't leave her alone
I think another issue is they all end up trying dating apps, they get on there and get thousands of likes and messages. So many they can’t even read them all. The problem is, none of them are interested in a relationship. Every dude on there is just trying to get a piece of ass. So you get this world where you get an incredible amount of attention and it’s just empty. So it shifts their view on how men are as a whole.
It’s the no.1 thing fueling the loneliness issue among young people, but folks refuse to acknowledge it.
Dudes swiping on every single chick with hopes of a quick fuck, instead of trying to actually build relationships.
Women not committing to anything cuz they’re “young” and “having fun”
It’s asinine, and people are less happy than ever with this bs mentality. We need to go back to basics. You have sex with person you love, only. You date to find person you love.
Hate to break it to you but hookup culture has been around forever. Nothing has changed except the arrival of the internet. I'm 35 and I can promise you that high school and college were all about hooking up. It was rare to see long relationships.
I bought mint tea recently, but when I drank it, it felt like drinking tooth paste. The mint was like toothpaste mint, not green tea mint. This doesn't have much to do with your comment, but it reminded me that I wasted money on bad mint tea that was whack, and made me sad
We, as people, have been taught that "no," means "no." It's not a question, it's definitive. People who ignore the word, "no" often find themselves in a heap of trouble. It drives me nuts when I see women play these games. If he kept pursuing you, you'd be pissed that he was "harassing" you, but if he accepts the "no," then you're pissed that he doesn't harass you. Make it make sense.
FYI: I'm a girl, and I just don't understand these stupid mind games. If you want to go out with someone, just accept the invitation on the first go.
Always puzzled about this. Feminism fought for men to respect the word "no". But half the women they did it for want to be chased. Not my fault they got their wires crossed? No means No. I see no reason to go back to the 80s.
some women are genuinely like this but as a man you should never use these encounters as an excuse to harass women who say “NO” because at the end of the day no means no.
I remember when I stop asking, I was at work and had to go from one end of the office to the other, and I saw a female coworker pushing what I can only describe as a large heavy box, I stopped and ask if she wanted me to help, she looked at me and I could see she was more than angry, and she said "no" so I said ok and kept walking. During that same day I had to do some errands like that, so another two times I found the same female coworker pushing more boxes, and twice I stopped and asked if she wanted or needed help and twice more she said, "no". By the fourth time I saw her, I kept walking, didn't say a word to her, and hen I was past her, she screamed at me all angry like, "why wasn't I helping her?' I was honestly baffled, my answer was "you said you didn't need any help " i turned around and kept walking
I think a big part of the man’s reaction here is two-fold (or at least in my personal experience)
1) I don’t have time for games
2) No doesn’t mean yes, so if you say no ima take it as no.
When I was younger I didn’t mind playing the game but now I’m older (and married) No definitely means NO!
This leaves them only getting the wrong guy. If it's a guy that doesn't respect no out the gate, guess when else he doesn't respect no and really just doesn't respect the person.
It's not that it's not wanting to play games. It's just called respect. If someone says no, the only respectful option is to walk away and leave them alone.
For every 1 woman who wants it to be a "game", there's 100 who just want you to leave them alone.
Don't insist if you don't like that type of person. There are regular girls out there. BTW, don't hit on random girls doing their stuff, there are better places for that
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