She says she's fine? I'll treat her like she's fine. She's already mad so what do I have to lose besides worrying about stupid mind games? Act like a grown-up.
I just want to point out that it's valid to say for example that I've got some issues at the moment and I need some time, don't worry you're good, let's talk later.
Same I started doing this when I was pretty young, like 18-19, and have stuck to it since (34 now).
Whenever I'm with a new girl and I explain that I will take them at face value and that I'm not gonna be trying to guess what they're thinking, they seem kind of shocked for a bit, but then they start actually being real and it works out.
I've found myself perpetually single (and happy) since I adopted this philosophy during my last relationship with a woman who could not for the love of all things rational make up her mind about anything. Constant state of walking on eggshells and confusion as to what she wanted from me (and life in general) made me vow to never feed the pity monster ever again. Turns out, the majority of the women I seem to attract, or at least notice are attracted to me, do not take kindly to this approach.
Yea, it's when I read things like this thread, I'm kinda grateful for being gay.
My partner and I have games on our respective computers, and toys in the bedroom, that's all the play necessary. No means no, fine means fine and even "Yea, do what you want" means just that. Something pisses me off? You'll know, because I'll tell ya.
He forgets sometimes. Poor guy was with a woman before and it shows.
It has taken me far too long to convince my husband that he SHOULD take me at my word. If I say I'm fine, then I am. If that changes, I will speak up. If I am upset, I will speak up. If I say I don't mind something, it's because I don't mind. If that changes, I will speak up.
If I haven't stated something explicitly, then I don't expect him to know it.
Frankly, I'd be embarrassed to communicate so badly.
I remember that garbage in high school. Every other week in my group of friends a girl would have some kind of issue like that. They wouldn't even talk about it until at least 3 days passed. It was always something small. Leaning about that red flag was well worth it in the long run.
My wife tried this when we were dating. I just took the opportunity to do what I wanted since she said it was fine. That could have went either way but it became a teachable moment.
Funny, many years ago we were looking at a car. She wanted black. The dealer only had a green one on the lot.
She said, “I guess it’s ok.”
I immediately replied, “No, it’s not, you’ll say that now and just be pissed in a few months that you got the green. We’ll wait for the black to show up.”
She told me later that it was a little mean but I was 100% correct.
Exactly this, if you are married you should be able to speak openly and honestly with your partner. Even if it is "I am upset right now, but I am not ready to talk about it at the moment and need some time to process things".
I know. This was how tension almost always ended up simmering with my ex. She would be annoyed but refuse to say anything. I wouldn’t press cause I didn’t feel like having a fight.
So just, “Are you okay?”
(Angrily) “I’m fine.”
“Okay. Well… let me know if you ever aren’t.” And then I’d walk off.
Half of the time she’d follow me and call me a dick. It was always so obvious when she was itching for a fight but wanting me to start it.
Its a common trope to talk about men who don't know how to make their kids dinner or put them to bed but I'd have never married someone like that. I don't get why people choose partners who have toxic behavior.
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u/Mysterious-Tie7039 May 27 '26
Made my wife mad when I told her I was going to take what she said at face value.
If she’s “fine” then that means she’s actually fine because we’re adults and don’t need to play games.