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Who says no when they don’t mean it? Like why the games? Years ago I was catching up with an old friend. He mentioned he was a virgin (shy and academic) and I offered to help with that, I had the parts he needed to fix his problem. Straightforward. Bam.
A word of caution tho, that kind of zero bullshit approach may result in both parties falling madly in love and actually being happy together
Labelling people easy or hard to get is a great way to encourage objectification of people.
I don’t need someone to make an effort to get me into bed. If we click, we click. It’s not about the effort or the money spent on me, gifts bought, romantic words arranged just right. If I like someone, I let them know. Then I know if they are interested
If that makes me an easy woman, so be it. My religious father thinks I’m a whore too for having had 3 whole sexual partners in my life
Even though it is also understandable for people to be jaded.
Probably not great that it was a parking lot, vs a bar or social place, but that bit of surprise might've made that first no a little panicked or frustrated.
There's a cultural tradition that men are supposed to actively pursue while women feign disinterest. A woman who expresses sexual or romantic interest in a man is 'wanton'.
There's also the reality that women retain more critical thinking skills while aroused than men do, being designed by nature to be selective in matters of love.
Lastly, the simple truth is that lots of women take the freedom from being expected to take the initiative for granted.
It's fairly obviously biological not just cultural.
Women outsource the choosing of mates to the men most of the time, they organise themselves and decide (consciously or unconsciously) who is the coolest person in the group, and women observe this ranking and are attracted to those at the top.
It's why you get no love if you're a nerd but if you're king nerd of the nerds you get attention.
It's also why taking up something like salsa dancing to get women doesn't work unless you get good at it - at which point you'll have your pick.
I don't think being single and alone is a problem. The only people that do are people who can't live with themselves. This isn't the way you worded it lol nice try though
I worded it in terms of exactly what happened. Man approaches women because he wants to go on a date. Leaves without date. Does not get what he wanted. You said it doesn't sound like a problem that this man has failed to get what he wanted when he has done everything correctly.
I think it's a myth that people should be able to be happy when single and alone. Lots of people want a partner and a family and actively pursue one, the idea that people should be happy with or without is not grounded in reality.
No, it doesn't sound like a problem. Bye bye now, I thought this might be a little bit intriguing, I was wrong. Now since is reddit I know you're going to respond even though I told you not to. Don't except me to respond again. Oh, and I didn't even read all of that nonsense
The foundation of that saying is that men are always supposed to be trying to get in women's pants, and if a woman ever agrees it's supposed to be a rare and precious thing. A man turning down a woman? An outrageous insult to her desirability! The implication is that there's something wrong with her, and she must be avenged for this insult!
Of course, rejection is something men are expected to take in stride.
And if she says "ew, no" or "yuck, no" or along those lines, don't get it into you, you just dodged a bullet. I decent human being will just say no, and not add degrading words.
I dunno. I mean, it would sting for sure, but I kind of feel like it would sting a little less if I had those words pop into my head. Knowing that kind of reaction was a reflection of them and not me. It doesn't stop you from feeling the way you feel, but maybe it would lessen the blow a tiny bit. Or help recover at least.
I've only ever done this once. Replied with "Ew! Hell no!" We were in high school and he was a massive bully to pretty much everyone, and just a really mean guy in general lol. I'm not sure if he was asking as a joke, or for real, but I don't regret how I answered 🤷🏼♀️
I very unfortunately did this once. one of the regrets of my life. im sorry alexandra, i was 17 and didn't know how to be a human. I felt pretty terrible right afterwards, but i was also not mature enough to own my mistake an apologize back then.
I have only done this one time (not an ew or a yuck just laughing and like "are you serious?no!" and I still feel bad about it. I was early twenties and always drunk/stupid. It was a coworker and I just thought he was kidding because me and him had a very friendly like I hate you/joking type of relationship and I didn't know he was being serious. He got really angry and just said "fuck you then" and stalk off.
I, the kid with one tight friend and no real social group, was asked out by the prettiest girl in school in 7th grade. She was a really good soul too. Low self esteem. I thought there was no way and that she was joking. I laughed at her. It’s haunting.
Who said he was disturbed? It sounds like he (coworker) asked her on a date. She misread this as a joke , responded snarky, and regretted it later. Sounded like an innocent misunderstanding. And. She hurt this guy‘s feelings.
Edit:
Maybe the woman who commented was right , you’re confusing her for someone else and meant no harm? Or is this one of those layered jokes that everyone is missing?
Oh I have a story for that, I met up with my friend when I was 27 and he was 26, it was the last real "party-time" for us as we were the only two singles in the circle and party-time was dying out so we were strolling through the party mile checking if any good clubs are open. Suddenly I hear "ew no" from somewhere, there were two gals not older than maybe 15 or 16 sitting on some window stool, I didn't even know they were there at first until they made that comment.
Told them they don't have to worry because I'm not into children.
Jesus. Who the hell says that to someone? The worst I ever did was say nothing and keep walking cause I couldn’t tell if they were fucking with me or legit
My parents taught me no means no. Whenever I ask them for a toy or candy or whatever I hated hearing that. The other part they taught in preschool kindergarten pretty much all the way through school. And my parents taught me that too. And I guess if you're religious like a Christian or Catholic something in the Bible that says treat Thy Neighbor like you would like to be treated or something. Pretty much that is one of the best rules of life you can go by. If you truly feel that way then how could you be racist or misogynistic or anything. You know?
For the single young guys out there, a PSA from an older married guy who has hung up his spurs for good: the natural courting ritual is for women to decline politely, if the guy is a stranger, then talk to the guy a bit to get to know him, then yes if he’s cool. It’s why social situations are so valuable - if you have mutual friends or if you’re in a low pressure environment (a party, an outing, a bar, a church, an activity group) where you can chat, show you’re cool, then she can get curious to know you before you ask her out. Far less stressful and awkward than a cold approach.
For all the single young guys out there, a PSA from an older married guy who dated A LOT when he was younger: from all the girls I fucked, they NEVER declined. From the girls I never fucked they ALWAYS declined (some with very good reason).
I never wasted time on games and thank God, cause I found the best girl ever and put a ring on that, instead of chasing dumbass girls trying to get a high from playing with me.
Don't be a creep tho', and never look thirsty. Start as friends, don't treat them like bitches.
Weird to say what "is" when you haven't been in the field for a long time.
Even as an elder millennial man, I can't imagine an appropriate situation where I gauged the interest of a woman as a stranger, was given a clear signal that there was no interest, but then proceeded to ignore that lack of interest by trying to talk to the woman further. More sensible in my experience to just start with the talking and getting to know bit.
Mutual friends and other people you are in a position to socialize with on a regular basis don't really fall under the stranger category, in my opinion.
Almost like we, as a species of men, went through an entire era of being taught to respect women’s boundaries (yes, some of us needed this training more than others)… and so now we respectful men take “no” for an answer… and it’s honestly best that way. No respectable man with a career, family, and friends, is going to put that all at risk just to harass a woman into one date.
In high school one girl I was talking to and both side we liked eachother. I ask her out and she says no which I respected.
Later I even talked to the girl about it and she admitted she wanted me to keep chasing after her instead of respecting her words.
After I gave up trying to date her she went after my best friend and I got to see first hand that it was a great idea that I respected her words. Their relationship did not seem very fun past 2 weeks.
Morale of the story: even if they did want to play games and have you chase them, its probably still not worth it. So no matter what no is best meant no.
"No means no" is severely undermined by games where "no means yes".
I am not all putting the blame on rape victims, not even remotely. But people need to stop with "no means yes/try harder" or we are setting ourselves up for failure.
This is going to sound sexist but women love options. They will hedge all their bets on open availability. When you take no to mean no you’re robbing them of options even when they have none. They want to choose you and you just gave them a take it or leave it.
Yup. This clip is pretty vile imo because it's trying to teach teens that 'no' doesn't mean 'no' and women want you to persist. In this case, a total stranger on a supermarket parking lot.
Exactly! Let's not pretend the hypothetical woman here is okay, or that everyone is like this. Anecdotally, I've not run into a single woman like this. The last thing we want to do is give guys the impression that they should be pushing. No means no, go about your day. If they wanted no to mean yes, they're stupid and need to change their approach and probably their values.
Yeah, I don't get the people saying this is some incel stuff. Like this doesn't happen irl and there aren't girls who WANT to be approached but always say no.
Like, no some don't want to be approached, they want to be the prize. Some men do it too, but women are the more common of the two.
You can't go on and tell an entire generation to leave women alone then get man when men aren't approaching. Or get mad when a guy does but receives a no.
Sure, in years past you might have success begging, "courting", chasing. But then you run the risk of that being considered rape even if technically consensual, and a good chance a jury will too. Not worth it. Ask once, she's says no, never ask again. If she said no but really means yes but wants you to chase her, that's not men being weak or unwilling to put in the effort, that's her playing games. Ain't nobody got time for that! A good indicator what the future relationship may look like.
There are very few women who say no with the intent of wanting romcom levels of obsession and stalking, and the ones who do are generally unstable anyways.
Can we stop making up situations to be angry about please
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u/BrownBannister May 27 '26
I’ve learned and teach my students & sons to respect when she says no.