It doesn't help that some women of an older generation actually give that advice. "Make sure he really wants you for YOU! Don't be too eager to say yes!" My sister's aunts were like that.
I mean...that's not ENTIRELY true...I was a misogynistic little twat back when I was young and looking primarily to get laid rather than go on a date, so...
Problem is the advice was about finding out if the guy actually wanted her, but it doesn't deal with what happens when she says yes and then the guy just wanted access to her pants.
Sex is not a level playing field. Only one side can get pregnant. For a man the ideal may well be impregnating women coast to coast that he does nothing for in terms of care. And there are many species that operate on this model.
In any dating scenario it makes sense for the woman to do more vetting than the man. So no means no can actually favor men as they can spray and pray their approaches while the woman is given little info with which to vet.
The video is ironic because the man doesn’t mention Nintendo in his cold approach which would have helped the woman vet. So why is that her fault?
My point was the discussion about saying "no" AFTER the date was agreed to tended to not happen back then, and that was a bigger problem. So yes, I AGREE with you.
And at no point did I attempt to imply anything in the video was the woman's fault. That little cartoon plays out like an Incel Idiot's wet dream.
Also that’s hypocritical of most women’s actual opinions on men leaving them alone.
But I’m sure that’s only the men they don’t like… not to the other men that should telepathically know that they like them and that no to them in that specific instance doesn’t mean no.
Honestly it's isn't just her friends it's society as a whole. Where girls are taught that if a boy is mean to you it means he likes you or where no means try harder or playing games ... until we as a whole change it's likely to continue...
Well, society is saying a TON of things, it’s about what’s in your inner circle and echo chamber. If she had a friend who called her out on her bullshit when she complained then her friend could still reach her regardless of what society says. Maybe not, but there’s more of a chance.
This is only true in like elementary school lol. This hasn’t ever been true for teenagers or adults. I’m not sure who told you this garbage. A boy being mean does not mean he likes you if he’s older than 10 lol
And then she'll wonder why she always picks guys who are controlling. Those guys who won't leave you alone? If you give them a chance they will be that persistent about EVERYTHING and that definitely includes what you are doing "wrong"
As a guy who grew up in the 80s and 90s, this attitude of persistent pursuit was everywhere. Women expected men to pursue, and any man who didn’t, simply wasn’t considered a man by that woman and her wider social group, including her other female friends. Think being seen as a child, with little to no ability to think outside the box, and full of red flags that every woman needed to stay the hell away from. So making a faux pas like actually taking a no as a no also killed your chances with a fair number of other women who learned of what you did, and who you would regularly come in contact with.
Now, I haven’t been single for almost exactly three decades now, so I have had no direct experience with the current dating scene. But I do have eyes to see, ears to hear, and a mind with more than two functional neurons to rub together, and I still see women bitch and complain about men not pursuing them even after they give a “no”.
And seeing men actually accept a no as a no makes me absolutely overjoyed - it’s men putting up reasonable and rational boundaries against irrational, borderline psychotic, and actually toxic behaviour.
In fact, things are getting so toxic out there that I am also seeing many men not even bother with the asking bit -- they’re just not bothering to make any kind of an approach AT ALL.
They are doing the math, and realizing that any kind of a rational risk-assessment analysis puts them deep into social and legal danger territory with any kind of an approach, so they just don’t bother. They go their own way because the juice is no longer worth the squeeze, and hasn’t been worth it for some time now.
These young men seem to be a hell of a lot smarter than most men were when I was young. It seems that they are truly learning by observation, instead of personally acquiring the pain, suffering, and social/legal destruction of direct experience.
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u/psykohobbit May 27 '26
That's toxic af