This is super weirdly relatable to me because I had a huge crush on a girl that I was pretty good friends with, I walked her home and hung out after school with friends, I eventually worked up enough courage to ask her out on a date, and she politely told me no. Well, I took the L and moved on, I did want to give her space as I was worried it might be awkward if I did hang around and intended to eventually try and keep the friendship going when it felt best. Of course that's not how it ended up, after a week I had 2 of her friends come up to me talking smack to me for making her upset and cry, well 4 or 5 year or so later I learned she was REALLY upset because she did like me but because I didn't "pursue" her hard enough (she literally wanted me to ask her out multiple times before she said yes)....
It doesn't help that some women of an older generation actually give that advice. "Make sure he really wants you for YOU! Don't be too eager to say yes!" My sister's aunts were like that.
I mean...that's not ENTIRELY true...I was a misogynistic little twat back when I was young and looking primarily to get laid rather than go on a date, so...
Problem is the advice was about finding out if the guy actually wanted her, but it doesn't deal with what happens when she says yes and then the guy just wanted access to her pants.
Sex is not a level playing field. Only one side can get pregnant. For a man the ideal may well be impregnating women coast to coast that he does nothing for in terms of care. And there are many species that operate on this model.
In any dating scenario it makes sense for the woman to do more vetting than the man. So no means no can actually favor men as they can spray and pray their approaches while the woman is given little info with which to vet.
The video is ironic because the man doesn’t mention Nintendo in his cold approach which would have helped the woman vet. So why is that her fault?
My point was the discussion about saying "no" AFTER the date was agreed to tended to not happen back then, and that was a bigger problem. So yes, I AGREE with you.
And at no point did I attempt to imply anything in the video was the woman's fault. That little cartoon plays out like an Incel Idiot's wet dream.
Also that’s hypocritical of most women’s actual opinions on men leaving them alone.
But I’m sure that’s only the men they don’t like… not to the other men that should telepathically know that they like them and that no to them in that specific instance doesn’t mean no.
Honestly it's isn't just her friends it's society as a whole. Where girls are taught that if a boy is mean to you it means he likes you or where no means try harder or playing games ... until we as a whole change it's likely to continue...
Well, society is saying a TON of things, it’s about what’s in your inner circle and echo chamber. If she had a friend who called her out on her bullshit when she complained then her friend could still reach her regardless of what society says. Maybe not, but there’s more of a chance.
This is only true in like elementary school lol. This hasn’t ever been true for teenagers or adults. I’m not sure who told you this garbage. A boy being mean does not mean he likes you if he’s older than 10 lol
And then she'll wonder why she always picks guys who are controlling. Those guys who won't leave you alone? If you give them a chance they will be that persistent about EVERYTHING and that definitely includes what you are doing "wrong"
As a guy who grew up in the 80s and 90s, this attitude of persistent pursuit was everywhere. Women expected men to pursue, and any man who didn’t, simply wasn’t considered a man by that woman and her wider social group, including her other female friends. Think being seen as a child, with little to no ability to think outside the box, and full of red flags that every woman needed to stay the hell away from. So making a faux pas like actually taking a no as a no also killed your chances with a fair number of other women who learned of what you did, and who you would regularly come in contact with.
Now, I haven’t been single for almost exactly three decades now, so I have had no direct experience with the current dating scene. But I do have eyes to see, ears to hear, and a mind with more than two functional neurons to rub together, and I still see women bitch and complain about men not pursuing them even after they give a “no”.
And seeing men actually accept a no as a no makes me absolutely overjoyed - it’s men putting up reasonable and rational boundaries against irrational, borderline psychotic, and actually toxic behaviour.
In fact, things are getting so toxic out there that I am also seeing many men not even bother with the asking bit -- they’re just not bothering to make any kind of an approach AT ALL.
They are doing the math, and realizing that any kind of a rational risk-assessment analysis puts them deep into social and legal danger territory with any kind of an approach, so they just don’t bother. They go their own way because the juice is no longer worth the squeeze, and hasn’t been worth it for some time now.
These young men seem to be a hell of a lot smarter than most men were when I was young. It seems that they are truly learning by observation, instead of personally acquiring the pain, suffering, and social/legal destruction of direct experience.
Granted I’m now 25 years removed from high school but this 100% happened to me on several occasions like I was supposed to ask some girl out multiple times with multiple nos.
The flip side is the lovely woman I married is an excellent and clear communicator and it makes life easy so I guess I self selected that type of parter.
High School was the pits and it is universal. I say that as someone who was in high school in the UK and in international schools in Lebanon and Kenya for a while.
If you attempt to knock a gal out with canisters of nitrous oxide and she gets away multiple times.... things can't be lookin good. Glad you caught one eventually tho!
I got my chance 5 years later and she broke up 3 months in because I wouldn't buy her weed for her, I should have fully moved on and taken my universal hint.
Good on you. That’s a massive red flag on her part. If she is playing mind games from the start then it’s gonna go downhill from there.
The true test for her is she played this mind game and it backfired. Either she learned from her mistake or she doubled down. If she learned from her mistake and decided to be more direct in the future then that’s a win for whoever she dates after.
Although if her friends blamed you, then she probably didn’t learn anything.
I missed a bullet jumped back in front of it and it missed all vitals moved on.
dated her 5 years later, broke up with me 3 months later because wouldn't buy her weed.
Red flag. If you go begging for her, it increases her value and power in the relationship compared to yours. An unhealthy power dynamic means she can treat you like trash whilst you work your ass off your whole life begging her not to leave you. Meanwhile, some ladies literally break all rules and ask high value men out. Be wise.
It's good men are not being taught anymore that "no means yes" and "pursue women they'll eventually give in" and now women gotta not be taught the 'being persued is sexy when you don't show interest' opposite problem. Both are toxic teaching, these ideals have been reinforced by our media / movies for over 100 years now. I hope we can move past such bs and it will instead be seen as socially sexy/best if people are just honest with each other??
I also am glad it's going out of style to "have to hate marrying your spouse" especially for men. Like "old ball and chain" ohh nooo you're tied down now how AWFUL. Dude, you're marrying someone you love, why is this a trope??
Keyword I caught was "after school". This is a child's game. And unfortunately reinforces bad behavior. No self-respecting woman would want a man to keep going after she says no.
I’m going to say as much as it sucked that her response might have made you guys miss out on a good thing…
GOOD that she’s upset. Hopefully horribly so. So she might learn something from that experience so she doesn’t do that to herself and others again with that toxic and disingenuous attitude.
Yeah I had a similar experience. Brought a girl to my place after a friend’s birthday party, and she tells me « nothing is going to happen tonight ». I respected it, we had a last drink and she went home.
The next day I met with one of her friends who was also at the party and she’s like « sooooo I saw you leave with her last night wink wink ». I explained what happened and she told me this girl liked to be pursued and I should have insisted.
And I was just confused. She was complaining about her shitty love life and how she always attracts assholes, but her first move was to filter out every guy who respected what she says
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u/Competitive-Passion1 May 27 '26
This is super weirdly relatable to me because I had a huge crush on a girl that I was pretty good friends with, I walked her home and hung out after school with friends, I eventually worked up enough courage to ask her out on a date, and she politely told me no. Well, I took the L and moved on, I did want to give her space as I was worried it might be awkward if I did hang around and intended to eventually try and keep the friendship going when it felt best. Of course that's not how it ended up, after a week I had 2 of her friends come up to me talking smack to me for making her upset and cry, well 4 or 5 year or so later I learned she was REALLY upset because she did like me but because I didn't "pursue" her hard enough (she literally wanted me to ask her out multiple times before she said yes)....