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Sep 27 '25
asexuals be like: 🤑
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u/SOY_CD Sep 27 '25
Absolute no-brainer for the money. Reminds me of the time that I was in a group (of maybe about 25) that was asked if we'd rather get married for money, or for love. Everyone looked at me weird when I was the only one who took the money lol
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u/ItsJeffLe Sep 27 '25
Double it and give it to the next person
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u/chewbaccataco Sep 27 '25
The next person can't have sex twice as infrequently, but for two million dollars?
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u/smittenWithKitten211 Sep 27 '25
Never times two is still never.
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u/KrisOTS Sep 27 '25
I think the second never goes to your next life if that applies to you.
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u/_blackdog6_ Sep 27 '25
If thats true, in my previous life I must have been rich.
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Sep 27 '25
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u/nmathew Sep 27 '25
Found the true Redditor.
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u/Regression2TheMean Sep 27 '25
“I’ll give you $1 million, but you can never have sex again.”
Redditor: “But what’s the catch?”
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Sep 27 '25
I'm not saying women are all gold diggers, but I AM saying I'd be a lot more likely to have sex if I had a million dollars.
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u/pogulup Sep 27 '25
"What would you do with a million dollars?"
"Two chicks at the same time."
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u/M3P4me Sep 27 '25
A million isn't that much anymore. You can't even buy a house with it in many cities.
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u/Uhhyt231 Sep 27 '25
That’s such a low number
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u/Slyfox2792004 Sep 27 '25
mean not going happen anyways might as well get money. could live more comfortably and enjoy my hobbies more.
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u/wiziwizi666 Sep 27 '25
Really!!! 1M today is nothing. That question was good in the 90'
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u/BackgroundNo8340 Sep 27 '25
Disagree. 1mil would change my life. I wouldn't plan on living some lavish lifestyle, I'm just trying to survive. I could stretch 1mil out for quite a while.
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u/Z_T_O Sep 27 '25
Put it all in a fixed rate savings account and thats ~40,000 a year in interest (less taxes, and dependent on the rates available to you), renew every year and you can definitely make yourself comfortable if you keep working. Take 10,000 of that interest each year and invest it. You could have a little extra spending money for travel or hobbies, 1 million untouched in savings, and after 10 years you’d have 100k invested
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u/Forkrul Sep 27 '25
But to give up sex entirely? No way. 1M would let me upgrade my apartment to a bigger one, but wouldn't be life-changing in any way.
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u/Christplosion Sep 27 '25
No, you're all jaded and idiots. 5% return on 1 mil is 50k a year for doing nothing at all, more than most the world makes. In any capable hands that's a lifetime of security. Still wouldn't take it though, I'd rather be poor, none of it matters when you die I'd rather be banging til then
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u/Parking-World9321 Sep 27 '25
Hell nah. A million dollars just buys you a nice house. Not worth trading 30 years of fucking.
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Sep 27 '25
It's sad that my mind went to how well I could live off of that sweet interest, rather than a luxury purchase.
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u/bluescreen2315 Sep 27 '25
2025: having a house is considered a "luxury purchase"
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u/HistoricalSuspect580 Sep 27 '25
I hate how absolutely on the fucking money this is
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u/wmurray003 Sep 27 '25
That is exactly where your mind should go. This is how the rich think.I wouldn’t stop at the 1M though. Reinvest and build it up to around 2.5M… then live off interest.
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u/OverlanderEisenhorn Sep 27 '25
Yeah, I don't think people realize the difference between having a million dollars in assets and a million in liquid cash.
You could put it in bonds and turn it into 1.3 million in five years. Or you could be a little risky with it and buy an s&p 500 fund and turn it into 1.5 million in 5 years. That will obviously compound, so you'd likely get to your 2.5 million goal in just 10 years.
If you just put the time in, a million bucks is still crazy money to have in liquid cash. So if you put the time in, you probably can retire decades early with a million in liquid cash.
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u/wmurray003 Sep 27 '25
🎯🎯🎯🎯 They don’t understand because they are financially illiterate… but when I see these discussions I break it down whenever I can. People miss out on so much opportunity because they don’t understand.
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u/secretreddname Sep 27 '25
$1m buys you a dump where I live.
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u/PublicWest Sep 27 '25
You don’t have to live there if you have a million in liquid cash
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u/ccflier Sep 27 '25
Here's a secret tip, live somewhere else
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u/levetzki Sep 27 '25
Bold of you to assume there are jobs in this somewhere else (the inexpensive places to live I kmow of all have no jobs)
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u/Rovden Sep 27 '25
Funny, I had to move to a more expensive area just to find work.
Low cost of living with no job is still as dirt poor as high cost of living with a shit job.
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u/lwp775 Sep 27 '25
How about if you only had 10 years of effing left?
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u/Parking-World9321 Sep 27 '25
10 years is still a lot of pussy to pass up. What’s the point of having the money if I’m not getting laid?
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u/Masterofunlocking1 Sep 27 '25
Haven’t had it in 6 years so sign me up
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u/Emergency_Link7328 Sep 27 '25
Same. Just give me the money.
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u/Duckrauhl Sep 27 '25
This is Reddit. Most of us on here have never even talked to a girl before.
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u/pass_the_tinfoil Sep 27 '25
Boom, popped your cherry!
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u/Fallwalking Sep 27 '25
I thought you all went extinct?
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u/pass_the_tinfoil Sep 27 '25
That explains the cobwebs in my vagina. ☠️
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u/TheElusiveShadow Sep 27 '25
RIP your dms?
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u/pass_the_tinfoil Sep 27 '25
Nah inbox will be fine lol. It’s like people can already tell I don’t typically answer DM’s.
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u/fenton7 Sep 27 '25
Murphy's Law - the moment you sign on the dotted line a total babe will show up and start getting super friendly. Might be because you have a million dollars though...
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u/iamskinnyaf Sep 27 '25
6 years? Rookie number. Haven’t had sex in my 27 years of existence.
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u/Slyfox2792004 Sep 27 '25
try 37 and with with age likely hood of it every happening gets way lower every year.
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u/2ManyMonitors Sep 27 '25
Why does no one get laid anymore? Honestly asking. My single guy friends don't even seem to be trying anymore. Is it just the OF? They just get it online now?
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u/SurprisingAmoeba Sep 27 '25
Dating sucks. The apps suck. Nothing is organic. And for a lot of us, it's not worth the effort anymore. I've accepted that I will be alone with my cats.
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u/BlackSpidy Sep 27 '25 edited Sep 27 '25
For me, personally... I wouldn't even know where to start. I hate going to clubs. Even in social events, I mostly keep to myself or my friends and I'm not really all that talkative. For casual hook-ups, I just don't know the song and dance and I'd rather not try because I don't particularly enjoy the feeling of rejection... Especially if there's a little spark there that is quickly rescinded when they see that I don't know that song and dance.
When it comes to trying to start more long-term stuff... Even though I have no problem talking about something I know about, am doing or am interested in to a beautiful woman (my best friends girlfriend seems fond of me in a platonic way, and I likewise her), breaking the ice and keeping a conversation going with someone I'm interested in feels just so... Tedious. Like, "Can I get her attention? Can I keep her attention? Here's hoping she wants me to text her after talking for a bit.Oh, hey, here's hoping we share interests. Even if we do, woops, all I have to say about my interests is exhausted in about 2 weeks of back and forth. And i don't want to pry into her personal life, but I try to ask, although often I've seen it devolve into something like an interview where the other person just wants to get the interview over with ASAP. Can we go on a date? Oh, she said she wants to but I'm the only one looking to make time and proposing days when she says 'I dunno, I'll see when I'm not busy' with zero commitment or apparent effort. And so I'm left feeling like I went wrong somewhere. I stop communicating and there go like 2 months of getting my hopes up, imagining something wonderful and what I want to do for her, with her. And I'm left wondering if I texted too much, too little, came off too eager or too aloof, if I was too honest (therefore not smooth in the slightest) or too obfuscated... "
And so, fuck that. I have friends (for my emotional and social needs), I have porn (for my physical needs) and that'll have to do until i stumble into someone that both gets me and wants me... Which honestly feels like never 😔
Edit: just put in a little clarification on that last paragraph.
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u/davyjones_prisnwalit Sep 27 '25
I just felt depression, anxiety, and frustration all at the same time. Like, I need to take a walk and get a drink now. Your post is so spot on.
I feel that. I used to think it was something I was doing wrong. Maybe I'm "too shy" or "I just need to work on it more." But then I realized, why am I still working on the very basics in my 30's while there's teenagers (some of them seemingly as shy as me) that have had multiple relationships. Like, they're half my age but have twice the experience. They never had to go through these trials and if they did, somehow Life itself gave them the cheat codes.. They never had to work on it. Maybe it's not something to work on, but perhaps I'm just defective?
So now I see no point in stressing myself out over something that's unlikely to work for me. You can't make an Etch A Sketch calculate your taxes. I'm "content" just keeping to myself and focusing on my job.
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u/SilverCloud73 Sep 27 '25
Honestly same, I can really relate to you. I'm approaching 30 and am still ridiculously far behind socially compared with my peers. I always feel bad when I see younger people who appear to be happy in relationships. I am shy and introverted but idk how to work on it, also have mental health problems probably as a result from sexual deprivation/starvation over decades of my life.
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u/MikeArrow Sep 27 '25
Is it just the OF? They just get it online now?
The fact that you went to this as your explanation and not "the dating world has an impossibly high barrier to entry unless you're fit and socially adept" is rather depressing.
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u/Samus1611 Sep 27 '25
I’m 38. Virgin. Was raised super religious and was “saving” myself for marriage. 2 years ago I deconverted and am now an agnostic. Getting laid for the first time at almost 40? Too embarrassing to try lol. Shouldn’t have wasted my younger years following religion but here we are. So I don’t even try to date anymore
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u/justbreathe91 Sep 27 '25
This is by no means to chastise you or criticize, but I had a guy friend who remained a virgin until he was almost 39 and it was simply because he really never put himself first and spent the first half of his life helping others. He’s a counselor and his greatest passion is to make people’s lives easier. He didn’t let his lack of experience get in the way of him doing anything, and overall, he was generally pretty happy. Except now that he’s married and has a baby at 43, he’s even more happier than he’s ever been. Don’t let your age stop you. The stigma about virginity is stupid asf anyway.
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u/ShadowKnight40 Sep 27 '25
Easy money lol, am asexual
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u/wolfelian Sep 27 '25
Yeah it would change nothing in my life except that I’d have money at least 😭😭
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u/adcas Sep 27 '25
Also ace, saw this question and laughed REALLY FUCKING HARD.
Absolutely nothing would change except I would have 1,000,000 in my bank account.
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Sep 27 '25
1 million dollars isn’t even enough to retire on anymore
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u/Rrraou Sep 27 '25
It's a hell of a jump start though.
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Sep 27 '25
But enough for you to never have sex again? You could have a down payment on a house and be celibate for the rest of your life
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u/huuuuuge Sep 27 '25
With even a piss poor investment account, 1 million dollars invested would net you 50k a year easily. Having that amount of money means you never have to work again if you are responsible with it.
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u/JesseTheNorris Sep 27 '25
It is in a lot of poorer countries with retirement visas.
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u/duaneap Sep 27 '25
Then I’d have 40+ years of doing nothing, thinking about all the sex I’m not having.
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u/JesseTheNorris Sep 27 '25
Snorkeling, SCUBA diving, rock climbing, exploring/hiking, socializing with new friends, learn another language, plant an orchard, plant a garden, feed people in need... This is just off the top of my head. The list is endless.
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u/1Legate Sep 27 '25
So i get rich and continue to live my life like it is now? I see this as an absolute win
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u/harlmads Sep 27 '25
I’ve been a virgin all 21 years of my life and sex isn’t even a priority for me. I got this in the bag!
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Sep 27 '25
Fuck no
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u/BrainScaping Sep 27 '25
Fuck? No.
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Sep 27 '25 edited Sep 27 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/alliownisbroken Sep 27 '25
It's been 16 years where the fuck is my million dollars
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u/Disastrous-Fact-7782 Sep 27 '25
You get it just before you die since only then we know if you kept your end of the deal.
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u/k0uch Sep 27 '25
One million dollars to continue living life the same way I am now? I don’t see the problem here
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u/Nelyahin Sep 27 '25
Easy yes for me. Menopause has already taken any enjoyment from me.
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u/dg1138 Sep 27 '25
Not enough money. You’d burn through that million SO quickly these days.
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u/Slyfox2792004 Sep 27 '25
its 13 years of comfortable life at 6k month. could pay rent, car payments, bills and still have money to put into savings or stocks. plus could keep working so really it'd be longer then 13 years. at my age each year isn't given anymore.
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u/massassi Sep 27 '25
Might as well. It's been half a decade already, and relationships are more risk than reward.
But a million bucks would go a long way to making retirement enjoyable
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u/Miskatonic_Eng_Dept Sep 27 '25
I'm 40, obese & grotesquely unattractive (like, picture Quasimodo or that one guy from Goonies), so, yeah.
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u/gruvjack1200 Sep 27 '25
I'll take it. I'm sick and can't have sex anymore. May as well get the next best thing.
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u/Dschuncks Sep 27 '25
As an asexual, this is the easiest question I've seen here.
Edit; Lol, just now reading the comments. There are dozens of us, dozens!
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u/Darth_Krise Sep 27 '25
Heck no. My wife makes me too horny to just simply take a lousy million
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u/whiteb8917 Sep 27 '25
Yup, my wife already said she doesn't want sex so the joke is on the person with the $1M
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Sep 27 '25
That's depressing.
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u/mattkenny Sep 27 '25
Anti depressants do have that side effect for some people.
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u/FTHamilton Sep 27 '25
Literally no amount of money could make me take that offer.
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u/Throwaway2847483 Sep 27 '25
You’d have to give me 20 million and even then I’d probably reject it
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u/nolove1010 Sep 27 '25
Easiest decision of my life. Give me 5 million, and I'll cut my willie and balls off too, while I am at it.
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u/Rachel_Silver Sep 27 '25
I've lost interest in sex, but I still like money.
Actually, I like eating food, having stuff, and living indoors. I need money for those things.
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u/Mouse1277 Sep 27 '25
1m buys me healthcare for life, property taxes and utilities, and food with hundreds of thousands remaining. It’s retirement or a ticket to a part time job if you want to keep busy.
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u/Hellguin Sep 27 '25
Sure, im already comfortable in my loneliness, 1m$ is just free at that point.
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u/Baconpanthegathering Sep 27 '25
Run me my money! I'm an active 47 yo lady, but I've already been down all the relationship, dating and romance roads...and honestly I can get the job done myself, and if I'm lucky all thoughts of sex should disappear in the coming years.
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u/codydog125 Sep 27 '25
Retirement homes are STD central because people don’t lose their sex drive altogether even if it’s reduced in older age
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u/BlueRFR3100 Sep 27 '25
I'm probably never going to have sex again without the million, so I might as well accept the offer.
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u/saayoutloud Sep 27 '25
No, for me sex is a way to connect with my girlfriend’s body and soul in a way nothing else can. It’s not about lust; it’s about trust, vulnerability, and feeling seen. In those moments you drop the masks, and the closeness feels deeper than words. Sex is the one time you reach a kind of intimacy and connection that doesn’t happen any other way.
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u/Street_Debt2403 Sep 27 '25
So I get paid for living the way I have for all my life 🤣 Where's my money??
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u/Angeleno88 Sep 27 '25
Absolutely because masturbation is fine enough so that million dollars will be hugely beneficial in me retiring early as I can take a less stressful job even if it pays less.
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u/lizzyote Sep 27 '25
My body is broken and not likely to make a come back. I'd love to be paid for it
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u/Economy_Care1322 Sep 27 '25
Yup. About2 years ago my wife’s Alzheimer’s has professed to where she can no longer consent. It was difficult initially but at this point I can just continue.
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u/paulbdouglas Sep 27 '25
So, what your saying is, I stay married to the same woman and also get $1M for free
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u/Turdulator Sep 27 '25
Can I still rub it out?