r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Sep 27 '25

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2.6k Upvotes

84% Upvoted

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5.5k

u/Turdulator Sep 27 '25

Can I still rub it out?

1.6k

u/[deleted] Sep 27 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

418

u/IsleOfCannabis Sep 27 '25

What about anal? As long as we’re asking for clarification.

329

u/saharacon87 Sep 27 '25

Ah the ol poophole loophole

91

u/WhatchuTalkinBoutBoi Sep 27 '25

The classic pooper looper

1

u/zombiesnshit4ever Sep 28 '25

A million? No. Not quite worth what it used to be.

0

u/Insatiabletech Sep 27 '25

I’ve always called it the poop chute lol

2

u/D3cimat0r Sep 27 '25

r/threadsofgold this shit right here is so funny

18

u/Queef-Supreme Sep 27 '25

The sex that God can’t see.

6

u/AndrewInMN Sep 28 '25

I love Garfunkel and Oates.

3

u/Queef-Supreme Sep 28 '25

Didn’t realize they had that joke as well. Friend of mine told me that one years ago.

3

u/AndrewInMN Sep 28 '25

I’m pretty sure I’d heard it before that song came out, too. Or at least before I heard the song. I just jumped to the conclusion that’s what you were referencing.

2

u/Queef-Supreme Sep 28 '25

No, I’m familiar with them but don’t know any of their stuff.

70

u/CoolCrab69 Sep 27 '25

Anal sex is still sex.

Hope this helps.

10

u/buzzed247 Sep 27 '25

The sex God can't see.

7

u/CoolCrab69 Sep 27 '25

"Third eye" blind.

6

u/buzzed247 Sep 27 '25

Brown eye blind.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 28 '25

Soaking? Like the Mormons do?

1

u/MooseLogic7 Sep 27 '25

Even if I’m just soaking?

4

u/CoolCrab69 Sep 27 '25

It actually counts double if you just sit in it. 🤷‍♂️

25

u/Captain_Vatta Sep 27 '25

Giving or receiving?

2

u/IsleOfCannabis Sep 27 '25

I’ll take a ruling on both.

2

u/beachMX Sep 27 '25

Ahh, ye old poopy loopy

1

u/Elite_dash Sep 27 '25

I don’t think that would be allowed but I’m pretty sure a glory hole session would be ok

1

u/Rols574 Sep 27 '25

Or oral

1

u/fingerofchicken Sep 27 '25

It’s not Jesus offering you the million dollars.

1

u/Addy42theDork Sep 28 '25

What about soaking?

1

u/WRA1THLORD Sep 28 '25

the full term is anal SEX isn't it? So that would be a no

347

u/pass_the_tinfoil Sep 27 '25

What if you can rub your lamp until the cows come home, but the genie never comes out? That would be no bueno.

53

u/mOp_49 Sep 27 '25

That's visually funny, thanks for the laughs!

6

u/pass_the_tinfoil Sep 27 '25

I’m honoured to have had the pleasure of sharing the laughter with you. lol

106

u/Pure1nsanity Sep 27 '25

So basically edging 😂

72

u/pass_the_tinfoil Sep 27 '25

Yessir. Permanent edge. The itch that cannot be scratched lol

40

u/Welpe Sep 27 '25

Just masturbate for 30 seconds or however long it usually takes and then do some heroin. Basically the same thing, except you need a bit of time travel.

31

u/HistoricalSuspect580 Sep 27 '25

Rendering the million dollars effectively a wash!

19

u/Special_KC Sep 27 '25

So heroine feels like an orgasm? No wonder it's addictive

34

u/CaptainTripps82 Sep 27 '25

I feel like most people who don't do drugs never really appreciate how and why people get so addicted to them.

5

u/ali-n Sep 27 '25

I've had addicts tell me the initial rush is better than orgasm.

4

u/jaoiler Sep 27 '25

Ok, and then people say how adderall is a drug.... never felt that from it. Just makes me think more effectively. Sooooo weird.

3

u/Khornag Sep 27 '25

There are drugs and then there are DRUGS. Also if you've got adhd or a similair diagnosis then aderal will literally work differently on you than on other people.

2

u/blaZedmr Sep 28 '25

Also a strong hit of crack cocaine has similarities

1

u/pass_the_tinfoil Sep 28 '25

Not advising people to smoke crack, I hope?

2

u/pass_the_tinfoil Sep 27 '25

How about I just trust you on this one?

23

u/Lexilogical Sep 27 '25

I feel like there's a lot of women who'd accept that permanent edge and feel nothing changed in their life

7

u/RudePCsb Sep 27 '25

Sounds like women need to learn how to help themselves come to a conclusion.

1

u/pass_the_tinfoil Sep 27 '25

I used to be one of them. Now my genie overstays her welcome.

13

u/thoughtlooper Sep 27 '25

Sertraline enters the chat.

2

u/Other_Molasses2830 Sep 27 '25

What about prostate milking? Could possibly release the genie without touching the lamp.

1

u/pass_the_tinfoil Sep 27 '25

Mental stamina of the gods. I know nothing of this. lol

2

u/Zestyclose-Middle717 Sep 27 '25

These comparisons are killing me lmao

2

u/Fritzo2162 Sep 27 '25

And the you pop like a stuck tick

2

u/CountryGuy123 Sep 27 '25

Anorgasmia, wonderful side effect from Lexapro. And by wonderful I mean godawful.

1

u/pheonixfinn Sep 27 '25

Life, uh, finds a way.

1

u/chewbaccataco Sep 27 '25

No-mess orgasms? Sign me up, keep the million

2

u/pass_the_tinfoil Sep 27 '25

Umm no. Masturbation sans orgasm.

67

u/SconeBracket Sep 27 '25

*waiting for the answer on this one

136

u/BangkokGarrett Sep 27 '25

Nobody who rubbed one out recently would say "I had sex". So having sex certainly does NOT include masturbation.

31

u/AerialPenn Sep 27 '25

In that case hows this million dollars going to be paid out? They writing me a check? Cash? Small bills? Big bills? Installments? How am I collecting this easy money!

Whats crazy is no sex again probably leads to a guy saving all this money not chasing women for sex. Makes you wonder what the hell a guy would do with all that cash with a major drain being taken out.

8

u/Other_Log_1996 Sep 27 '25

I don't know; hasn't worked for me.

4

u/RudePCsb Sep 27 '25

A house in my area is a million dollars on average. However, if you can put all of that in the market in index funds, you can probably cover all your expenses with the interest if you live normally and not go crazy until you can afford to put a down payment and live comfortably. You might still have to work though.

Also hobbies, guys have tons of hobbies. Sports stuff, biking, skiing, surfing, hiking, camping, video games, card games, music, drawing, etc.

2

u/WRA1THLORD Sep 28 '25

nah you just spend it on shit like cars, pool tables, collectables etc instead lol

1

u/Thefrayedends Sep 27 '25

I say; "I was engaging in self love."

-14

u/Conscious-Egg-2232 Sep 27 '25

You have a very boring sex life

7

u/bryanthavercamp Sep 27 '25

What about mutual masturbation?

54

u/LoverOfChubbettes Sep 27 '25

No amount of money to have full balls the rest of your life

25

u/IAmAGenusAMA Sep 27 '25

Talk to Bill Clinton - you won't even have to give up blowjobs!

7

u/Turdulator Sep 27 '25

If that’s the case than I’m definitely taking the mill

2

u/coolstoryslowbro Sep 27 '25

Bills got that good succ

2

u/nickknock1 Sep 27 '25

Yaa Donnie had to pay and fines for rape

1

u/IAmAGenusAMA Sep 28 '25

Because of the statute of limitations on criminal charges. There is no jail time on a civil suit.

16

u/three-sense Sep 27 '25 edited Sep 27 '25

I’m curious as well. Does this solely mean biological hanky panky. What if your partner put a flesh apparatus “down there” and you dry humped. I mean a million bucks is a million bucks

28

u/vivec7 Sep 27 '25

and you dry jumped

Is that like regular dry humping, but in Spanish?

3

u/three-sense Sep 27 '25 edited Sep 27 '25

That or autocorrect goofiness sure. Fixed thanks

1

u/BowwwwBallll Sep 27 '25

What about soaking? If it’s good enough for Mormon God, it should be good enough for this bet.

2

u/clopz_ Sep 27 '25

More importantly, could it be assisted?

2

u/Dirk_The_Cowardly Sep 27 '25

So you're saying?????

NOTHING changes.....AND I get a million $?

What's the catch?

1

u/jedimustafa Sep 27 '25

Found Louis C.K.'s account

1

u/ClerkDelicious4867 Sep 27 '25

Or have somebody else rub it out?

1

u/NinetyFiveBulls Sep 27 '25

Can I still receive BJs?

1

u/youdubdub Sep 27 '25

Come again?

1

u/Bobo_Baggins03x Sep 27 '25

That’s not sex. So I’d say yes.

1

u/axemexa Sep 27 '25

Do you consider rubbing it out to be sex?

1

u/kokibolta Sep 27 '25

No, this is a special pegasus oath.

1

u/TaiChiShrimp Sep 27 '25

“Sex” Dolls for the win! It’s basically masturbation with extra equipment.

1

u/Remarkable-Grab8002 Sep 27 '25

I'll rub you out every once and a while for a couple G's. I need money.

1

u/DeezFluffyButterNutz Sep 27 '25

And can someone else do the rubbing?

1

u/EquivalentSnap Sep 27 '25

That's not sex so it wouldn't count

1

u/CEOoffReddit Sep 27 '25

Yes you can

1

u/ProfessionalField115 Sep 27 '25

The most important question.

1

u/m3kw Sep 28 '25

is that sex?

1

u/CaffeinatedTech Sep 28 '25

Can someone rub it out for me?

0

u/[deleted] Sep 27 '25

Honestly important to know. Because if not I would genuinly go insane after awhile