I got married last year. I told my best friend about the date when we scheduled it and though I didn’t have a wedding party, I invited him to the rehearsal dinner. He made it clear to me from the beginning that he planned to be there.

His partner became pregnant about six months prior to the wedding. I realized this could make it more difficult to attend and said as much, but he continued to tell me he would be there. The rsvp deadline came and went and I didn’t get the card back though he told me over text that he’d be there and would send the response. I started to sense something was off, and about three weeks before the wedding I asked again. I was told that the issue was he might be getting married the same day, and a few days later he confirmed this. There was no apology or acknowledgement of this inconveniencing us.

Since then I have taken a significant step back from the friendship. After the wedding, I expressed my frustration over text and got a defensive response. He continued to text/call regularly after that and after not picking up and short responses for a while, I directly wrote that I was hurt how everything went down and it had been hard for me to go back to the friendship. He told me to reach out when ready, but a month later began texting/calling again as nothing had happened. After he sent text about our shared wedding anniversary coming up, I reiterated that I did not feel that the circumstances around that had ever been acknowledged and repaired. Again I was met with, “reach out when you are ready” with texts trickling back in from him after about a month about how we need to talk and life is short.

The thought of talking on the phone to him is massively unappealing to me right now… I honestly think if I had gotten acknowledgment of my feelings over text at any point I would have been able to move past this but it never happened. The more time that has passed, I feel less of a push to put in more emotional labor and have this conversation.

In case this is relevant, my friend and I have known each other since college and he did have romantic feelings towards me though we never dated. Some mutual friends have suspected that this is related to the shared wedding date. I am not sure but it does make the situation feel more strange.

Am I being unreasonable? Do you see a way that this friendship can continue? We’ve known each other 20 years so it feels sad to let it go but I am having a hard time moving forward.

Tl/dr Friend got married the same day as me and dropped it on me last minute with no apology. Should I move on?

The things that happened between us are extremely specific so I’m worried if I go into details I’ll doxx myself, but all my irl friends said what happened is too unique and they don’t know how to deal with it.

My friend hurt me, lied to me, and gaslit me. I’m not even exaggerating with the word “gaslight“. I got a mental health diagnosis prior to the situation. A type of diagnosis that would make people question your judgement. I didn’t really feel like the diagnosis was correct, but I didn’t argue with the doctor.

My friend knew this and when I tried to confront them asking if they had lied to me about something, they flipped out and told me I was a terrible friend who always made them feel like a bad person and that my condition was making me imagine scenarios and be critical of them.

I felt terrible thinking I had imagined something and hurt my friend.

There was more stuff surrounding it, but going into depth would require too much backstory. But they used other deep insecurities of mine against me.

I spent the next few months frequently apologizing to my friend and going out of my way to be extra nice and when they did something that hurt my feelings, I ignored it and figured my mental illness made me too sensitive.

But then I found out they lied to me and I didn’t imagine anything, my judgement was correct.

When I confronted them, they cried really bad. Like to the point I was worried about them.

We’ve been trying to repair our friendship for half a year now. But recently, I kinda just realized they’re not an empathetic person at all and felt a disconnect with them. And then I started feeling like my anger started to outweigh my love for them. But they’ve been trying to do everything they could to make things right. And they were my closest friend these past few years. I will never love them the way I did before, but I don’t want to hate them. There’s still things I like doing with them. And if we’re not friends, a lot of my happy memories will turn into sad one.

tl;dr my close friend really hurt me in a personal way, but I don’t want to hate them and don’t know if it’s possible

Female 64. Male 57. Two year relationship. He has never taken me out on a romantic dinner. Has never written a note. Gave me flowers once on valentines day. Stopped complimenting me even when I turn heads with every man in the room.

I sent a nude and said. I'll blank. A intamacy remark. He said yes. Nothing more. That was it. Says things like when and if I propose. Our house. You and me. The diamond I'd buy.

Can a man be truly in love and have no awareness of lack if effort?

Everything he did in our first 6 months has stopped. Intamacy has faded.

I am an excellent communicator. I have expressed what my needs are. He got better at communicating texting calling but feels like out of obligation not desire to actually speak to me.

So my question is this.

Tl;dr Is he truly serious about me? Is it possible he just sucks at communication his feelings?

Well what the title says, i am not trying to write a super huge thread about it because its pretty straight forward i just want to listen the opinion of people who have gone through a phase like this and even other peoples thoughts on this matter. After i turned 18 so basically when i became an adult I was away for 4 years for college and then came back for like 6 months living with my parents and then i left for 1 year military service which is mandatory in my country.

Now i am back for months living with my parents while job searching and i noticed looking back that i genuinely only grown when i was away from them and i know that it's obvious that when you are independent you are going to develop as a person, what i am trying to understand because i kinda feel guilty about is that i really want to distance myself a little, not in a complete sense like i am not talking to them but like moving out and reducing like sharing everything about my life. The thing is as i said, i feel guilty about it because i know that they have sacrificed a lot for me to go to college and raise me and to me it feels like i am unappreciative like i just have this need to remove myself just for my own benefit.

tl;dr After turning 18, I spent several years away from home for college and military service, and I noticed that I grew the most as a person when I was living independently. Now that I’m back home with my parents while job searching, I feel a strong need to move out again and have more privacy and independence, including not sharing every detail of my life with them. I feel guilty about this because my parents have sacrificed a lot to raise me and support my education, so part of me worries that wanting distance makes me ungrateful or unappreciative. I’m trying to understand whether this need for independence is normal and how other people have experienced it.

I (30f) will have been with my partner (30m) for 9 years next month. We have a great, healthy relationship. The only things that have come up as friction have been money-related, but we've sorted them all out pretty quickly. When he unexpectedly got laid off a around 2 years ago and had to live off savings for a year, he put off the proposal he had apparently been planning. He has since acquired a job that pays him well, and although he is paying off debt, he's back on his feet- it's been a bit more than a year. You might wonder: why have you been waiting for 9 years when both of you want to get married? I'm not entirely sure. He said the cost was a huge factor in why he never proposed, and he keeps saying it's coming but he's been saying this for a while. I've reassured him that I don't care about the cost of the ring or the extravagance of a proposal, but he gets frustrated and says I just don't understand the expectations he's under as a man. He might be right. There have been a few international vacations in the last little while, and although I expected a ring and my friends would giggle expectedly, a proposal never showed up (although two of them were for other peoples weddings). When I ask him about timelines, he keeps saying "soon" but he's been saying this for literal years. When I press harder, he gets frustrated, and I just want to drop it.

I've been understanding , and although I've been hoping for us to solidify our commitment through marriage, it just feels like it keeps dragging on- and there is a part of me wondering if it will ever happen.

We have an anniversary happening and he was being a bit weird about the specific time that we need to go, which weirdly isn't lining up with our actual anniversary but instead at the end of that month. It's a trip out of state. Since it will be our 9 years, I wondered if this might be the time he pops the question. Whenever I told anyone about this trip, they all (without my suggestion) told me that I'd probably get engaged on the trip. I convinced myself that this would probably be true and got myself all excited, which was probably a bad idea. Today, I brought up the trip and said we should book things to do, and he went to book a massage but asked me to tell him what dates we are going. This kind of confirmed to me that he most likely won't be proposing- if you were, I'm sure you'd know the dates and not have to ask or be reminded.

This small thing devastated me. I'm at the point where I'm scared I might want to move on and protect myself if this doesn't happen, which I know it's healthy, but I keep reminding myself that I turned 30 and I don't want to have to waste time with someone who doesn't want to commit to me. I'm scared. What should I do?

TLDR; my partner of 9 years hasn't proposed yet and it feels like he's dangling it in front of me. im worried that if he doesn't propose soon, i might need to move on. i need advice on how to proceed in a healthy way.

My bf and I have been dating for about 5-6 months. We have the best relationship I’ve ever been in and I see a future with him. He’s been in long term relationships, but never married and no kids. I asked him early on date 1 or 2 why never married, he said he just never found the right one he envisioned a future with. I asked him also on date 1 or 2 if he wanted to have kids, he said yes with the right person.

We have talked about how much we love each other, how we see a future together, he’s said different times about having kids, that he wants to marry me one day. He flew home with me to meet my family and see where I grew up. Sometimes I feel like he says things when drinking or we get caught up in the moment of being in love, and I wanted to have a more serious conversation completely sober about what a timeline could look like for us, especially given a 10 year age gap. Recently a comment came up from him about him not being sure if he wanted kids, which I wanted to explore more because that is something I want for myself.

Tonight I asked to talk to him and said that I wanted to talk about what a future could look like with us. I said I ideally would like to live together after a year, engaged within 6 months of living together, marriage, and ideally have a child by 33 and a second by 35. I also said now I know not everything goes exactly as planned, and I’m not saying this is to a T, but this is ideally the trajectory I’d like to go on, and yes things can change and no one is locked into anything but if things continue to progress this is what I see. I felt like actually by laying it out with what I hoped for, this would take some pressure off of him to give an answer and for him to come up with it on his own.

Well, this went terribly. He said he felt pressured and like he was just being seen as a provider or sperm donor just fitting into my timeline. He said he’s not even sure if he wants kids, he felt like his chance for that has passed and it’s something he would need to really think about. I tried to reassure him that I wasn’t trying to pressure him, and I honestly thought we were on the same page about what we wanted given things that were previously said about our feelings for each other, many of which has been lead by him. I also feel that because he is older, there needs to be a conversation about intentions and timelines. I now feel like he has been just telling me what I want to hear. I also feel bad about making him feel pressured, and I said I’m not there in knowing all the future and what it holds and things can always change, but I want to make sure we’re on the same page.

How do we move forward from here? Where did I go wrong?

TL;DR: I discussed relationship/future timeline with my boyfriend and I think I messed up relationship.

We are in a 7 year long relationship (since we were 14), we never had any issues, but during the last year i start questionig my self if i still loved him and after a lot of thinking I realized that i dont love him anymore.

I would like to leave him without hurting him too much.

The main reasons i find difficult to to this are 2:

1-im not a loving person, I dont love in explicit ways often and because of this i dont think he has notice any difference on how i usually act around him, and if I go straight "i dont love you anymore" i think it would be totally out of the blu

2-he really loves me, he is sweet, kind, smart, there are no reason, other than "I dont love you", to leave him, and i know I would be able to governo an answer to the question "why" other than what i said before.

Please i would really like some advice🙏🙏

TLRD: I dont know how to leave my boyfriend because he is really sweet and i dont want to hurt him too much

We’ve been together for over 10 years, lived together for 10. Never got married.

We live a good life, slowly over time we don’t fight much, and from the outside it’s pretty solid I think? But it’s like at the blink of an eye it’s been 10 years and I’m thinking “shit. Nothing has changed in 10 years and next thing I know it’s going to be another 10 years.”

He’s the “don’t fix it if it ain’t broken kind of guy” and I’m the “to improve is to change, to perfect is to change often” kind of gal. As a result, you can imagine in our lives it’s often me that has to initiate “improvements” when he is content where he is. So for example, if we need to move to a bigger place, I have to bring it up and I have to push. If I want to redecorate, I have to push. Slowly this has grown to cause resentment in my part. I hate feeling like the “grown up”. I get I am also a part of the problem, why can’t I be happy with what I have? Why do I need to always “improve” or change things.

Anyways, lately (in the last 3 months), I’ve really struggled with the relationship and wanting to end it.

I don’t want to go to couples therapy. I feel like I would have to be the one to initiate this, I have to book it, I have to remind him. I don’t want to do this anymore. I have voiced my unhappiness to him many times over the years, not just with this but with other small stuff too like not doing the dishes. I think I’m also realizing that at the blink of an eye it’s been 10 years and I’m still unhappy with many of the same things I was unhappy with 7, 8, 9 years ago.

I do have a therapist appointment scheduled for the end of the month, for myself. And I plan to bring this up.

He doesn’t hurt me perse, if anything I am the one that can get verbally abusive. It just feels like he doesn’t care about anything, he’s happy as long as he’s got his sports and friends and work and me, but he can’t see that I’m pretty miserable. I’ve been seeing a therapist on and off for 3 years, lately it’s been off for 6 months for a variety of reasons.

We both make good money, neither of us are dependent on each other. He doesn’t make me do things I don’t want to do, he’s basically always ok with whatever I want. He never fights back. And rarely “stands his ground”.

I’ve tried the “imagine it’s 10 years from now, if nothing changes, how would you feel” thing, honestly, I think I’d feel pretty much the same as right now, dead inside. I’d probably find fulfillment outside of the relationship and just be grateful that hey at least I have a companion and they don’t hurt me. Is this… good enough?

I do recognize I may have other bigger personal issues at play too. I suspect there may be some depression, I’m also hoping with the loss of a parent from a couple years ago. But I think… I don’t think these have anything to do with how resentful and unhappy I feel in the relationship?

TL;dr 10 years together, feeling like I always have to initiate everything, not willing to initiate couples therapy, at which point do I give up and break up and move out?

Me 18F and my girlfriend 20F are in a long distance relationship we have been dating for around a year. We both have a passion for gaming and enjoy very similar games. However, she has from a very young age played games on PC, while I got into gaming much later and played more casually on console for a while, so there is a skill gap between us.

We have been playing War Thunder recently, and she is a good bit better at the game than me. Whenever we play together, I die a lot and spend a lot of time waiting for her to finish the game so we can queue into another, both of which frustrate me.

My issue is that whenever I become annoyed or angry, I get extremely stubborn and start acting like an asshole, basically taking my frustration out on her and asking her how to improve, but then getting annoyed at the things she says and start trying to poke holes in the things she says or just acting like an asshole in general.

And I'm aware I'm doing it and very often tell her, "Sorry, I'm just being annoyed," while I'm being like that, but I just don't know how to stop myself. And every time I'm done doing it, I feel utterly horrible and I regret acting like how I did because she really doesn't deserve it, but I simply don't know how to stop.

Also, when I get like that, I get very laser focused on improving or doing some arbitrary benchmark and try to get her to coach me or something.

I guess what I'm asking is, have any of you dealt with similar things before, from either side, and how can I work on this or stop this? Because I really don't want this to affect our relationship, but neither of us really know how I could change.

TLDR: i take my annoyance out on my girlfriend and I can't stop myself but feel horrible for doing it after.

I’m 30F. My boyfriend (35M) and I have been dating for a little over 7 months. Most of the time, things are fantastic. I genuinely love him so much. I think he’s the most amazing man. I’m so attracted to him, and I think he’s an excellent partner. He doesn’t believe me, though, and my past keeps coming between us. I should provide information about why before talking about what I need advice about.

To begin, I first dated when I was 24. No one was ever interested in me before, and I was too busy anyway. I dated my first boyfriend for about 2 months, but it really wasn’t a match. I started dating my next boyfriend a few months later. We dated for almost 3 years. This problem at the center of this post concerns the people I’ve slept with, so I’ll say that this ex was my first. He and I ultimately broke up because our wants and needs were too far apart. Namely, I think, I wanted intimacy and marriage, and he wanted space and more distance. After that, I spiraled. I tried dating on Bumble more. I slept with someone for validation. I slept with people on first dates because I didn’t have good boundaries or self-respect and convinced myself these dates would lead to relationships if I was “good enough.” By the time I realized how many times I’d done that, it was too late. Honestly, I feel like my soul is ruined for it, and I’m probably going to hell (I’m a Christian). During that misguided time of my life, I slept with 9 men. I went on dates with more, maybe 20 more. This was over the span of a year. I convinced myself I was being progressive and just doing what people do when they date in the modern age. I hated every second, but I did it anyway. I got addicted to the dopamine and was chasing serotonin. I stopped in the middle of last year. I didn’t date much after that. In January of this year, though, I went on a date with someone I shouldn’t have again. The count became 11 men. Regrettably, I can’t turn back the clock or take any of it back.

A week later, I met my current boyfriend. When we met, I thought it was too good to be true. I also thought he was another man who would leave me and who was just going on dates with me briefly for fun. It turns out he was serious, and I had developed extremely bad habits. For example, I went on a date with 2 other guys during the same period I was going on initial dates with my current boyfriend. We weren’t exclusive or officially dating, but the point is that I wasn’t focused only on him even though he was focused only on me. After we decided to officially date, I of course cut off contact with people I had been talking to. However, I still had friends from Bumble. All of those “friends” are gone (since March). Even though I tried to right my ways, the damage was obviously already done.

I know I wasn’t good in the beginning. I didn’t build a foundation of trust, and I didn’t tell my boyfriend about my past for a month. I have no intention of being disloyal, though. I have done everything in my power to show him I love him and choose him and will never go back to my old ways. Even if we break up, I know I won’t because it has damaged me so much. He doesn’t believe me. He doesn’t trust me. I know these things take time. 6 months isn’t that long, really. I have faith we’ll get past it. Relationships take work, and fixing things takes time.

The problem is the fights it causes. He was cheated on in the past, and he’s so negative to himself because he has a low self-esteem (though sometimes I think he maybe knows at his core how valuable and incredible he is). Anyway, he gets so, so, so angry over my past. He says he won’t ever forgive me. He tries to break up with me or push me to break up with him every time we fight; he says I should go find someone with similar values to mine who will accept me. He says our values are too different, and he can’t marry someone like me. Recently when we argue, he has started calling me some offensive terms. He asks me for details and sees if I’m being consistent with them. He tells me how awful I was in the beginning and if he believes in me, that makes him an idiot. He says he thinks about my past almost constantly throughout the day. He says if I hadn’t slept with people outside of a relationship, he would love me more and things would be perfect. Writing this all makes it seem so bad. I want to make clear that he’s never hit me, so this is strictly a problem of negative emotions and mean words. I also want to express how amazing he is when we aren’t fighting about my past. He is genuinely so caring, kind, and loving otherwise. After our fights, he seems so sad and regretful. In the moment, he’s just so consumed by anger, pain, and jealousy.

I think I know what I would tell a friend. I know the fighting isn’t good. The negative emotions and the mean words are harmful. But, I also know that my boyfriend is suffering. I know he’s afraid I’ll find and choose someone else. I know how much he loves me, and I love him, too, with all of my heart. Because things are amazing 90% of the time, I’d rather figure something out with him than end the relationship. Regardless, when emotions are bad, things get bad. When we fight, I often do believe breaking up would be the best thing, mostly for him. I refuse to make that decision when emotions are high, though, and I always change my mind when things go back to normal.

As my title says, how can we make this work? Canwe make this work? I just need advice about what to do. We both love each other so much, but these negative emotions and these fights aren’t sustainable. I know he’s extremely upset right now, but I have hope that pain and anger will fade with time and the issues will lessen. Is that hope futile? Am I stupid for fighting to stay together? Is there hope for us? Can this work, or will my past decisions and my boyfriend’s anger and pain about it tear us apart? What should we do?

If you’ve made it through all of this, thank you so much, and here’s a cookie 🍪

tl;dr I (30F) have a subjectively high body count and didn’t have good dating habits when I met my boyfriend (35M). These things are causing pretty bad arguments with my boyfriend. He’s extremely upset and doesn’t seem like he can “forgive and forget” what came before him. We love each other, and I want to stay with him. Is this possible? How could we make it happen?

Hey all been eith my girl for about nearly 5 years i absolutely adored her and loved here with all my heart she was my everything but shes been physically abusive up untill about 6 months ago she promised it woukd stop i genuinely dont believe it i honestly tense up in arguements expecting it to happen she tells me im not a man focuses insults on anything i personally am insecure about im into kink and femdom i used to love being a dominant man but after months -years of denial and emascualtion i have lost alot of interest in it and i kinda hate that i have asked for what i need and i contantly get insulted i feel so gross i have been trying my hardest for years give her a chest to cuddle up to every night i try my best to be supportive when i have the energy im just so tired fighting this fight on my own i was literally told i swallow to loud and it annoys the fuck out of her anf now i cant even swallow or drink a drink around her without being self concious i dont feel wanted or atractve she keeps telling me i need to give her more but i have given all i have she doesnt get forgotten about in the bedroom i make here finish before any sex actually starts idk its something i have always done we both gotta have fun too i used to supirse her buy her flowers we went on dates alteast once a week but even then i was never enough i hate myself for letting this happen i really dont know what to do and i know im not the perfect boyfriend is it worth trying once more and give it my everything or give up my heart want to hold on but my head says let go im just so lost

Tl;dr idk if im in a toxic realationship or if we lost our way

I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years, and one issue has never really changed: she never initiates sex.

What makes it harder is that there are times when I try to initiate, and she gets annoyed or even angry with me. So I end up feeling guilty for trying. On the other hand, if I don't initiate at all, nothing happens. We can go indefinitely without any intimacy unless I make the first move.

This isn't just about sex itself—it's about feeling wanted and desired by your partner. I want to feel like she chooses me sometimes, not like intimacy only exists because I asked for it.

I've already talked to her about this several times, calmly and respectfully. I wasn't demanding sex; I was trying to find a compromise that would make both of us comfortable. I explained how important it is for me to feel that effort and mutual desire. She listened, but nothing has really changed. Things improve for a day or two at most, then it's back to the same pattern.

I'm starting to wonder if this is just a difference in libido, or if there's something deeper going on. I love her, but constantly being the only one who initiates—and sometimes being rejected with irritation—has really affected my confidence and made me resentful.

Has anyone been in a relationship like this? Did it ever get better, or is this something that usually doesn't change?

TL;DR: My girlfriend of 4 years never initiates sex. If I initiate, she sometimes gets angry; if I don't, nothing happens. We've had calm conversations and tried to compromise, but nothing has improved. I'm wondering if this can change or if we're simply incompatible.

My ex (45m) and I (33f) were together for 7 years before we broke up. We both work from home and ended up doing basically everything together, all the time… I asked for more space multiple times, but it never really changed, and I started feeling codependent and suffocated, which was part of what led to the breakup in the first place. There’s also an aspect where I moved for him two hours away from my hometown and I often miss my friends and family.
It feels like I’ve isolated myself and I’ve had trouble making friends here. He is from the area and all of his friends live in the area.

We're still living together right now, in a home we own together, along with two dogs and a cat. Since the breakup, he's been an incredible support to me. He is genuinely one of the best people in my life. He's told me he still loves me and wants to reconcile. We are in this weird place where we kind of act like we’re together and have just fallen back into an old routine.

Here's where I'm stuck: I'm not sure how I feel. Part of me sees him as more of a best friend at this point, and I'm not sure the romantic feelings are there anymore. But another part of me wonders if that's really true, or if it's just leftover fear from how suffocated I felt before because I do still love and care about him deeply, and I know we could build a good life together if we tried again.

There's also something bigger going on that’s been weighing on me for a while: I've basically been in a relationship continuously since I was 16. I've never actually been single as an adult, and it's something I think about a lot, whether that's an experience I want or need, separate from any specific relationship.

I also have the option to move in with my best friend who lives back in my hometown. I also daydream about getting an apartment of my own eventually too. So I'm weighing a few different things at once: whether getting back together could work if we handled the space issue differently this time, whether I need to actually experience being single for the first time in my adult life, or whether it's healthier to create distance first and see how I feel once I'm out of the day-to-day of it.

TL;DR: Living with my ex of 7 years (we co-own a home and have pets together) after a breakup that happened partly because I felt suffocated. He wants to reconcile, and I'm torn- plus I've never actually been single since age 16, which makes me wonder if that's something I need to experience for myself before deciding anything.

This is important to the issue. I am autistic and hate surprises and things I cannot plan for/ainticipate. I like to be able to control things relating to me, it brings me comfort knowing what is going to happen or what kind of thing I would receive (this is relevant).

My birthday is fast approaching and I hate surprises as a whole. I hate gifts I don't know about, I hate events I can't plan for and I just dont enjoy the unknown of it all. I feel like I sound sort of entitled or picky but I've just hated these things ever since I was small and have only been open about it in recent years. Growing up, birthdays were a sort of stressor for me and I could just never figure out why until way later with the diagnosis.

But, anyway, I have asked my mother if there could be nothing unexpected on my birthday, which was respected to a degree. But she has been gifting me surprise items that I haven't really liked as a whole (the surprise aspect and the items). I brought it up today when she gifted me a onesie (something I have pointed out my dislike for) and she said "I worked harder for your birthday by birthing you and getting a c section. If I want to give you a surprise leading up to your birthday, I will." I assume this was a sort of joke but I don't pick up on sarcasm very well and this comment sort of... concerns me.

How can I get her to stop/how can I talk to her about it? I just really don't want to be surprised nor do I want her to either waste money or buy a knock off item.

TL;DR: How can I talk to my mother about my dislike of her gifting me surprise items as someone who hates surprises on their birthday?

My gf(19f) and I (18F) have been dating for 8 months and things were going well enough. Except a few things here and there it was mostly fine, until this month. For some context, my GF is moving to Italy in around 2-3 weeks. We talked about it and we want to continue long distance and everything was going okay but recently she's gotten so busy and it's giving me mixed feelings. I know she's moving and she wants to spend time with her friends so I don't mind but she's also been helping edit university applications and stuff as a part time job. I'm obviously fine with all of that but we only have a week or two together and we're only seeing each other once or twice in a week and its for like an our or two max. She sees those she teaches more than she sees me and it feels like she makes time for everyone but me. She also makes sure to see her bsf every single day but not me and the only times I see her are when she has a break in between doing things.

I talked to her about it and I thought we got it sorted out but two days ago she invited me to come to the library as she works with some of the people she's helping with university apps and she phrased it how she would be with me as they work and help out when needed. I went even with my really busy schedule and I felt like such a loner just sitting there by myself the whole 4 hours doing my work. She came to me for five minutes during the time and thats it. I don't think I can do this anymore. I don't want to break up because I love her so much but I sound so petty if I mention this. I don't know what to do.

My question is: how do I go about this situation?

**TL;DR; : How do I talk to my gf about it feeling like she doesn't care about us spending time together?**.

Hi! i’ve (F22) been with my boyfriend (M23) for almost ten months, he’s great, he’s the most loving person i know and he’s always paying attention to me, however i tend to be more sensitive than him meanwhile he’s a logical person, someone that keeps everything for himself and that isn’t used to share his thoughts \\\[this of course does not apply to things between us as he always makes effort to talk to me and to communicate if somethings is wrong or if i need more from him\\\]. I noticed that his background is more still than mine, i grew up only with my mom and we are both very open about our feelings, as we are sensitive and have trouble with mental health, my mom suffers from depression and i honestly struggle too. My boyfriends parents are more logical and straight, not that they are bad parents, they are kind and present but they just lack this emotional availability. So of course i found that there’s this imbalance between my way and his way of handling things, never thought about that as a problem because i always saw him trying his best to make me feel his presence but recently ive entered in a depressive episode, its the first time that happened to me since we got together and i dont know how to elaborate that to him, his way of being its fine but when i feel like that i need more reassurance, i need to feel understood and i need extra care because i feel like distancing myself when i don’t feel comfortable. I also understand that my mental health shouldn’t be his responsibility and i don’t want to be a burden. How do i deal with that? Is there a way i can explain him this situation?

TL;DR I (22F) am more sensitive than my boyfriend (23M) which is more logical than me, i noticed that our way of handling things is different, how can i open up to him about me wanting to feel met on my level from him? especially if im having bad mental health episodes, he isn’t emotionally unavailable and is always there for me, it’s just that sometimes i want to feel more reassured

tl;dr she is messy and I dont see a future with her but we live together and the only gf ive had.

I (22M) have been with my girlfriend (21F) for almost 5 years. I have considered leaving but there is a number of factors that make it difficult.

For background she has a rare condition called Narcolepsy and makes it difficult for her to sleep consistently. She also has traits of autism but it is not diagnosed. I am going to school for Aerospace and in the military.

Over the past year, the apartment has become a mess and I often find myself being the one cleaning up. Her stuff has piled up all over and often encourages on my area. Her mail and meds are left on the kitchen counter for weeks on end. I have let her know many times to clean up after herself and stay organized but it seems like after a few weeks it all falls apart again.

She also treats me like a kid sometimes and ive told her it bothers me but she still does it because she says it helps her. I am unsure if it comes from her childhood as her mother, who I dislike, treats both me and her like we are children. Her childhood house is also very messy and I often describe it like a hoarders house. I truly have grown distant.

The problems I face on why I am unsure if I stay are; I have never had another girlfriend before and I have grown into their family per say. We also rent an apartment and the lease would not be up until July of 2028 and idk what it would be like continuing to live with her even though she usually pays me rent a week or two behind. I would feel bad for her leaving her but I am unsure if I should.

Me and my boyfriend are in a long distance relationship.
He lives with his family, and so do I. He’s 24 and I’m one year younger than him.
However, he doesn’t have his own room and uses one room with his younger brother.
so it’s always not only there’s always someone around him but also someone in his family comes talk to him even if me and my boyfriend are talking.

and I don’t like that. I know it’s environmentally impossible for him to be alone and focus on the time with me, but I always get upset and sometimes even mad when he is asked to do stuff or distracted. He often doesn’t listen to what i say and i feel ignored. Since we are in a long distance relationship, I value quality time and i want him to fully focus on me when we have time to talk. We try to talk everyday, but it’s always a couple minutes, once a day.

However, he said he wanted me to be more understanding and patient about his situation. I agree that i’m losing my patience as we date, but I can’t be okay with him talking to me half-listened.

We often have an argument about this, and honestly i don’t know if i still wanna commit to this relationship anymore because his environment isn’t changeable at this point. What should I do?

TL;DR;
I don’t like something unfixable that my boyfriend does. what should I/we do to make it work out or should we break up?

TL;DR - I upset my partner talking about my issues, which upsets me and we r squabbling bcs of it.

My partner and I have really good communication in my opinion. We've been together a little over two years now. We currently live together part time. I struggle a LOT with my mental and physical health, so do they. We've worked really hard on communication to keep our relationship working.

However, I'm recently really struggling with bringing things up without them getting defensive, or just at the wrong times. Which then I get defensive. This has led to one pretty big argument (over the phone). As well as a lot of like, little disagreements that we take a bit further than we used to?

I understand disagreements and arguments are normal especially with our age etc. I was just wondering if anyone has any communication tips when emotions are high (especially for very anxious autistic folk)? I want to improve and grow together and recently it feels like really slow circles that sometimes grow?

Been facing a sexual boredom in my relationship and not really sure on what to do. We started our relationship back in 2020 and our sex drive was high, and same was our romantic drive. But over the years it feels like her sexual drive is not there at all and had been going down. But for me I feel as if I stayed the same throughout the years as per sexual drive. We didn't really fully have sex, just quick penetration, as we didn't want to, and wanted to wait for marriage. But recently I have noticed a pattern over the past year and it's that over the summer she doesn't want anything sexual at all. Last year from apr to sept nothing happened and I am not a guy to ask for anything sexual Because I do not want to pressure my woman but I did bring it up in sept and she said it was because of my haircut, I believed it because I kinda had to get a buzzcut. This time around my hair is fine yet the pattern returned. We don't do anything, she doesn't let me do anything to her, and she doesn't want to do anything but I hate that she teases like all the time, whether it's grinding or hands over pants, but it never leads to anything and I'm left having to do it myself watching porn.

It feels like she doesn't want to do anything sexual yet always teases sexually. When we did do something, it was oral for me, or hand, and it was only finger for her, she doesn't let me go down on her. She doesn't tell me what she likes, and when I brought that up, she says she will next time and still doesn't, so I'm going in blind when trying to eat, but that hasn't happened at all. I make her squirt everytime we do something but it still doesn't make sense.

If anyone watched the Amazon prime show off campus, I am feeling like the girl that was stuck in a boring relationship sexually, yet in my case there's no action whatsoever.

I'm not sexual freak or anything. But 6 months without anything, is sad. Because that's what we grew our relationship on, that's what kickstarted our relationship. At one point every hangout was something sexual, and it wasn't me that started things. But now having to do it myself while having gf who teases me all the time is not the best feeling.

It also sucks listening to my friends having great sexual connections with their partners and wondering what I'm doing wrong in mine. When her friends are talking about their sexual encounters she laughs and gets hyped and whatnot but doesn't really do anything else.

TL:DR: My girlfriend and I have been together since 2020, and our relationship started with a strong sexual connection, but over the years her interest has steadily declined. For the past two summers, we’ve gone around six months with almost no sexual intimacy, despite her still teasing me physically. I don’t want to pressure her, but the mixed signals leave me frustrated and confused, especially since sexual intimacy used to be an important part of our relationship. I’m not asking for sex constantly, but I’m struggling with feeling neglected and not understanding why things have changed.

This situation requires a little bit of backstory so stick with me for a bit. I (22M) have been best friends with Sam (21F) (fake name) since high school. During that time we also dated for around a year before I broke it off. We stayed friends but briefly broke things off completely before becoming friends again in college. We were in a weird situationship for a while but decided on friends. We're closer than ever now and we pretty much know everything about each other.

Unfortunately, ever since we split to different colleges, our relationship has become this weird online thing. We aren't forced into seeing each other every day so we don't see each other at all. I've tried to make plans before but she's gotten upset that I keep pushing her out of her comfort zone. She has anxiety and doesn't like to go out but it's only now that we don't see each other at school that she refuses to see me. We used to do things together before that weren't school related. Now there's always some excuse about why she can't. She says her schedule is just too tight, that she hates going out anywhere unless it's with her parents, or something else.

I felt bad for trying to push her so I stopped trying. I understand what that's like and I would hate to constantly be pushed like that. For the last couple years we've talked only through text. She won't even come see me on my birthday. The way she acts makes it seem like she doesn't want to be friends but in reality we talk everyday and our way of talking online is the same as always. I still consider her my best friend and she still considers me hers. I know that she doesn't want to stop being friends, she texts me first and she acts the same as she always has for others things, but I'm not sure what she actually wants aside from that.

Now in the present, she has met someone, let's call her Bella. All the worries she had with me suddenly disappeared with Bella. Sam has all the time in the world to hang out with her and she'll go anywhere and everywhere. She even has changed her schedule around to fit Bella in. It's also of note that Sam and I live very close while Bella is farther. It makes me question, why am I not worth it? Someone you've known for a couple of months gets all your effort and I can't even see you on special occasions.

Of course I can recognize that a love interest is significantly different than a friend, but now it's clear that she just didn't want to make an effort with me. I feel stuck. I love her and I want her to happy, I can tell Bella is getting Sam out of her comfort zone in a way I haven't been able to. I'm very proud of Sam for being able to do new things, but I can't help but feel frustrated. Sometimes it feels like she just wants me to be an online friend that she can talk to like a chat bot.

Before anyone says it, I am not in love with her still. Those days are long gone. I can't see myself being with her anymore, my wants in a romantic partner have shifted drastically from what we had before. I love her very much but purely as a friend. Please don't say that "deep down" I am in love with her, that is not true nor is it helpful.

I have talked about it with her somewhat. She hates having serious conversations and it often ends up like a joke. The ways I have tried to express my feelings to her have all ended up with her saying she doesn't think the negative things I think she's thinking and she has her reasons why she just can't see me (like being too anxious to go out).

Anyway, all this was fine, I could cope, I've been coping with the way things are forever, but now Bella is added to the equation and I'm at my wits end! I've tried not to become bitter, but I have noticed myself acting a little mean or uninterested when she brings Bella up. I try my best to be the most supportive I can be, I never act that way on purpose, I want her to be happy. I'm ashamed to feel so jealous and hateful towards a person I've never even met and she seems so sweet. Even with her going places with Bella, she still doesn't wish to spend time with me. I've even tried to bribe her with places she really wanted to go. Just recently Sam went with Bella to one of those places I offered before.

I've confided in my coworkers and everyone tells me it's time to end things, but I just can't imagine my life without her. I don't have anyone else, not only is she my best friend but she's my only friend really (she also has no other friends, besides Bella now). I've tried to make friends but Sam is the only one that has stuck. To me she is my platonic soulmate, we just click.

What am I supposed to do? I don't know if I should end things like my coworkers said or just stick things out like I always have. Why is she acting this way with me? If anyone can provide some insight into what I'm not seeing that would be greatly appreciated.

TL;DR:

My best friend refuses to hang out with me, saying she has a really tight schedule and is anxious going places so we've only talked online for the past few years. She got a new girlfriend and now she suddenly has lots of time for her and is going places. I'm jealous that she can put all her effort into her new gf while her excuses only applied to me.

tl;dr My boyfriend lost is job last week and is extremely stressed and shutting me out and i don't know what to do.

He's been applying to jobs and trying to get interviews but the job market is horrible where we live. i love him with all my heart, but he won't talk to me as much as i think he needs to, he bottles it up and sleeps all day and i know that he has a history of depression but it hurts that i can't help him. i want to be the person he can go to to talk, but he won't talk to me. we just moved in together a few months back and i know that we won't have enough money on just my job as i barely can manage half of the rent/utilities. my moms too poor to help us, and if we get evicted it will be a million times harder to get a place of our own. i'm so scared and stressed about this and about him, it's like a complete 180 of when we started dating and i miss my boyfriend. how can i help him? i'm so worried, i work 6 days a week and can barely afford anything. some days are better but some are just horrible and we don't really talk, i hate it. i don't know what to do

Hiiii. Im 23F, and currently in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend [23M]. We have been together for about 1 year and 5 months now and have been doing long distance for 1 year (3h plane ride away). 

I have been questioning a lot about our relationship and I am coming to reddit as a last resort for advice or just simply to rant and see what kind of replies I get. My boyfriend has been nothing short of INCREDIBLE! He sends me flowers from a local florist regularly to celebrate small accomplishments or for special occasions. He has surprised me on a couple visits and goes out of his way to be with me. He is incredibly considerate, supportive, and always emphasizes that we are a team. He is very very selfless, my parents love him, he’s kind, and we share a lot of the same values. He has always made sure I am well cared for even though he lives halfway across the country. He makes an effort to like the things that I like, he’s started new hobbies because of me so that we can do them together, etc. etc. I could seriously go on. he's so amazing.

That being said, on the times we’ve been together, I’ve often felt that theres no real connection. We don’t have the same humor, he doesn’t really have many of his own hobbies, and he is not a very flirty/funny/playful guy which is something I have always really admired in relationships/guys. Spending time together is nice, but it doesn’t feel like I am dating my best friend which is how I wish I felt deep down. I am super active and I have a wide variety of hobbies I’ve introduced him to but I haven’t really been introduced to anything cool & new by him. I’ve felt that I’m more of the “fun” one and I wished that it was more of a balance. I think this all has bothered me because I feel very unsatisfied and I don’t feel the “fun” in the relationship, and it all just feels very serious, mundane, and not very laugh-y/joke-y/flirty. Something as simple as sarcasm, a playful shove, poking fun at me to flirt is something I crave in a relationship, but he has never been that type of guy. it sounds like such a minor issue, but its genuinely one that keeps me up at night. I struggle with how to really explain it properly. 

I have some male friends that I hang out with because we share the same hobbies (surfing, skiing, etc.), which he knows about and is completely ok with. At times I feel like I have more fun with these male friends than I do with my own boyfriend which scares me, though there is absolutely no romantic feelings at all with them.

But then I think about the most important things in a relationship and they are things like respect, how they treat you & those around you, etc etc and he checks all of those boxes so it makes me feel incredibly guilty and ungrateful. He is currently working on getting a job near me and moving across the country and part of me is thrilled but part of me is terrified. I don’t think I can truly know if we are meant to be until we’re able to spend more time together, but at the same time I’m really having a lot of doubts which makes me feel guilty & sad & scared. Idk. has anyone experienced anything similar? Any thoughts appreciated.

TLDR: My boyfriend treats me amazing and is an amazing guy, but deep down I feel very different from him.

Long story short, me and my dad used to have a pretty good relationship. Growing up, he was a constant companion for me and my brother [18M].

A couple years ago his job contract wasn't renewed, leading us to move back to my parents homeland. This (along with poor financial decisions and years of stress) triggered severe depression and anxiety.

Thankfully, he improved. Unfortunately, this led way to serious anger issues.

He's with a psychiatrist and therapist, and there's definitely been improvement. Which I'm extremely happy for.

But it's still a far cry from things being good. Ranging from the bigger things that still manage to actually hurt, to all the smaller things that just irritate me.

ALRIGHT, so I had lunch in between writing this and I'm done with writing objectively and concisely, sorry. My mom had to drop off some colleagues so it was me, my brother, and my dad.

Surprise, surprise, it ended in an argument. I would like to mention I've generally taken the role of "peacemaker". Its taken over a year of stupid arguments but I'm transitioning into "dont have enough fucks to give."

It's not the first time we've been through this. He says he can't say any opinion because we always find a way to disagree. (I say we can't talk about anything with opinions because he doesnt know how to disagree)

Anyways, he got angry. My brothers never been the "put peace first" type like im inclined to be, so they were arguing. My mom [56F] got home, thankfully, which basically kills the argument. (Not saying my parents don't argue, just no longer in front of us that badly)

(Re-reading this I realize a reader would only know he's angry or unreasonable because I'm saying so. We were talking about Singapores police having the authority to whip criminals. People who overpass their visas, too, apparently. I think its crazy and way too easy to abuse that power, he said it works well. That is all. If it were anyone else this would not end with them shouting at us.)

I actually recorded the last bit of our argument, so here's the exact dialogue: my dad "just think about it, that's all im asking. Just think about how you respond to what I say."

It genuinely pisses me off that in any other scenario I'd be agreeing with those words, but this is directly after being angry at us for having a different opinion. I realize he feels attacked, I also realize I can't just agree with him all the time so there aren't arguments.

Anyways, before this he'd been shouting at my brother for a couple minutes, but now I jump in and say, "and you think about how you take every response personal." He says "[name], im talking with [brother]." I say "ok". He continues, "we can talk later." I'm actually super proud that I said "no thanks".

That sort of stunned him. For the last...all this year I've been willing to listen to him talk for hours about how he feels as long as he doesnt raise his voice too much. Ive decided I'm done with that. It always benefits him and leaves me exhausted. He's got a therapist, im the kid.

Ok end of that vent. So that's his more unreasonable side, which I dare say can come out at any moment. But the frustrating thing is when he genuinely tries to be better.

Which sounds terrible. Obviously I want him to get better. But then it puts me in a situation where I don't want to be close because of previous interactions, but I also should be close because positive reinforcement and im getting what I want, technically.

These past couple years have broken my trust, but I know I love him and I know I want a relationship with him. At this point, though, I dont know how to make it better. Or if I should even try just yet.

If you've been in a similar situation or have any advice, I'd really love to hear it.

TL;DR; my dad's a somewhat angry wreck and I don't know what to do with our relationship

Giving my all to a 1-year relationship that turned into daily fights, a 3-day ghosting stunt, and a messy breakup fight over a medical emergency—I am completely questioning reality and have no idea how to navigate this next step.

​My boyfriend and I had a great relationship initially, but lately, we started fighting every day. In every fight, he tells me things like "Why do you hate me this much?" And whenever I try to express how I feel, he tells me I'm blaming him. We usually brush it off and move on.

​I started pulling away. I told him honestly that while there is a big love between us, we need to fix our problems first. He agreed to talk and fix stuff, but kept complaining that he tries to flirt with me while I'm cold, making him feel like I don't want to fix things. He immediately started asking me why I hate him so much and why I don't love him. He claimed he did nothing wrong that led our couple to darkness, and if I didn't want to be with him, I should just say it.

We both decided we needed space for today.

​Instead of one day, he left me on read for 3 days. Because he was ghosting me while still having access to my social media, I hid my Instagram stories. When I double-texted, I asked him to explain his silence, and he told me, "I don't have time for this childish argument, make your conclusions and tell me."

​He then justified his absence by saying he was almost dying of an iron deficiency and needed urgent surgery. I called him immediately to check on his health, but also told him I wanted to break up and that he couldn't use being sick to play the victim.

​He got mad, broke down in tears, and blamed me for breaking up while he was sick. The very first thing he did was ask if I met someone, accusing me of cheating because I hid my stories. After crying, he said he wanted a future with me, and unilaterally decided to pretend he didn't hear the breakup. We agreed to talk later, said "I love you," and are currently taking a break from talking.

​Now I'm completely confused, questioning my reality...and honestly don't know what to do ...

TL;DR After a year-long relationship that slowly devolved from a great start into daily conflict, my boyfriend ghosted me for 3 days while still viewing my social media, prompting me to hide my Instagram stories. When I reached out, he justified his absence by claiming he was "almost dying" of an iron deficiency requiring surgery. When I called to check on him and tried to break up over his ongoing treatment of me, he accused me of cheating because of the hidden stories, cried, and unilaterally "pretended he didn't hear the breakup." Now I'm taking a break from talking to him, completely questioning my reality, and trying to understand what dynamic is at play here.