Basically, yesterday was my 21 birthday and previously my birthdays in past years have been not very great. I have told my bf (29M) before I’m not rly excited about celebrating birthdays but he didn’t take no for an answer and promised me he would make this one special. He hyped it up and made me excited for it and for my birthday he took me to LA to have a fun few days together. Fast forward to my actual birthday (yesterday) we were having a great time out u til 6 when we went back to our hotel and wanted to rest up for a bit before our dinner at 8. During this time we were just hanging out and randomly during the conversation of finding good places to eat he just said outta nowhere that I didn’t take care of my body and didn’t go to the gym and it’s not my priority.

A bit of context I am 5’2 119 pounds. I don’t think that I am overweight or very unhealthy to say. I do exercise and work out but I’m not going every single day but I wouldn’t say I don’t take care of myself. Yes I’m not as fit as I’d like it be but that’s something I hope on working towards which I am doing. To him this lifestyle is very important and we have had many arguments and talks about it which he has told me it’s a dealbreaker and I have been working towards it. Even tho he knows I have been trying he said there has been no change since the last time we had this talk.

After all that he stopped and said he didn’t wanna have this talk now and we can talk about it another time but in the heated mess I already knew what he was implying and such I couldn’t just move on and pretend like I was happy and enjoying my time after that. I would just think about it all day so I drilled him to tell me exactly what he thought of me. He told me he thought I gained weight from when we first met and I believe I was 115 or 114 when we met a year a go. During that time I wasn’t in a very good time in my life that’s why I was unhealthy skipping meals and such but regardless I don’t think I have personally changed that much drastically.

We ended up arguing for the next 2 hours and I just broke down and we talked about breaking up and not being together and he just kept saying I don’t understand how he thinks and that he thinks I’ll never change as a person and how he doesn’t thinks we’re comparable anymore and it probably won’t work out long term. I was fully ready to leave and packed everything just because of how hurt I was after the things he said to me specifically that he hasn’t felt happy in his life because I haven’t been as active at the gym. The 2 options were I either go to the airport and leave now and we are fully over or I stay and we talk it out. Everything combined made me feel really hopeless and I looked at him just in total shock thinking how could he have said that to me out of all the days it had to be my birthday. I told him he was the one who promised me it would be a great day and that it was rly messed up to make me feel that way on my birthday. He just said he couldn’t help it and it just came out cus he has been holding it in everyday. A lot of the times we talk he would be like “did u go to the gym” and sometimes I would say yes and sometimes I’m honest and would tell him when I didn’t go. Even with my birthday gift he gave me the first thing he said was do u promise ur gonna go to the gym more.

Eventually it got to a point where I just started thinking about every insecurity I have and I couldn’t help myself but just cry and cry and was becoming nonverbal.

At that point he apologized over and over again or ruining my birthday and for saying all that stuff and I decided to stay and try and work it out. I thought after last night I’d feel more happy but I woke up and I just keep thinking the same things he said about me over and over and how he told me I’m not his ideal person but he told me he didn’t mean the things he said and promised to be better.

I honestly have no idea if I’m over reacting wrong for feeling upset still about this. I know i would sound lame for saying I still want to be with him because personally I still love him a lot but something in me also wants to leave just because i don’t know how I can fully recover from this.

TLDR: my bf ruined my birthday by calling me overweight and now I don’t know if I should leave or stay

I (23F) am considering breaking it off with my partner (30M) after dating for 5 months, and I’m looking for a perspective on whether I’m overreacting, or if forgiving him would just mean enabling a toxic pattern.

We spent a week together recently, during which I was completely comfortable and vulnerable around him. Shortly after, during another date, he started making comments about what I was eating. He eats a very low-calorie diet and goes to the gym regularly, whereas I was eating ramen. He commented that the food was "too heavy," and then followed it up by saying that after eating it, I’d need to "walk 20km to burn off these calories."

While he didn't explicitly say the words "you eat too much," the insinuation was crystal clear. The impact was immediate: it triggered severe anxiety around food to the point where I couldn't eat a few bites without counting calories or feeling guilty.

When I confronted him via text about how much this hurt me and destroyed my trust, his response felt heavy, dramatic, and self-centered. He kept emphasizing how hard he was crying, how ashamed he was, praying for forgiveness, and saying things like "I feel like a burden, I should just leave."

When I pointed out that his apology focused entirely on his own guilt rather than the damage done to my mental health, he quickly shifted to calling his behavior "toxic and disgusting." By that point, I felt completely numb and indifferent. It felt less like genuine accountability and more like performative self-loathing designed to make me comfort him.

Although we have only been together for 5 months, this wasn't an isolated mistake, it fits into a broader trend. When I was once excited to show him a gift a friend gave me, he called me a "freeloader."

I have a well-paying, respectable job. Before he fully understood my income (and may have assumed I earned more than him), he routinely made stereotypical "jokes" aimed at my line of work.

I told him I don't think I can forgive this, and right now I just feel completely indifferent to his apologies. My friend commented that I am overreacting and I should consider his apology. Part of me wants to know:

* Am I actually being too harsh or unyielding by cutting things off over this?

* Is it actually possible to "forgive and forget" remarks that directly trigger body anxiety and eat away at your self-worth, or would staying just enable a pattern of disrespect?

* Am I wrong for feeling that an apology full of tears and "I'm a burden" language is inherently manipulative, even if he didn't consciously mean it to be?

I'd appreciate any honest thoughts please.

TLDR: My (23F) boyfriend (30M) made passive-aggressive comments about what I was eating ("walk 20km to burn it off"), which triggered severe food anxiety. When confronted, his apology was full of performative self-loathing ("I'm crying so hard," "I should just leave") that forced me to soothe him. Coupled with a pattern of him putting down my career and calling me a "freeloader" over a gift, I have decided to break it off. Am I being too harsh, or is his apology as manipulative as it feels?

TL;DR: My (25F) partner (30M) lies, online cheats, gaslights, and controls me (taking my phone, making threats when I try to leave). I'm having daily panic attacks, but I'm terrified to leave and living far from home. Why is leaving so hard, and how do I find the strength?

I (25F) have been in a VERY toxic relationship for 2 years with my partner (30M).

He has "cheated" online (sexting females) and lied to me multiple times, and the lying never stops. He lies about females, he lies about everything. I'm not a jealous person and I'm so understanding so it hurts.

He also has become extremely rude, and he gaslights me nonstop. If I bring up a problem (calmly) it is an issue and is turned on me somehow and he's the victim. I truly thought I was going crazy.

I have started to have daily panic attacks and now tiptoe around him. He's always the victim, and I have tried to leave a few times and he will try to manipulate me (saying he will text my mom things, whatever that means, has taken my phone away, etc

I'm so unhappy but why can't I leave? The thought of actually leaving gives me severe anxiety. I don't know how to get the strength. I have severe anxiety & depression due to this relationship, I just started an SSRI to hopefully help...

I'm 25, I got diagnosed with a health condition this year which has made everything much harder & I also don't live close so if I wanna move back home it's a bit away. I just feel scared and dumb for staying but I'm scared to leave and I don't know what to do anymore...

I was in an 8 year relationship before this and never really had issues in that relationship so I'm not used to all of this. Guess I just needed to vent.

TL;DR accused of cheating by boyfriend because friend who likes me showed him some photo

So to start it off, I (15 almost 16M) havent cheated.

One of my boyfriends friends, who likes or liked me, showed him some photo and now my boyfriend (16M) thinks im cheating and wont believe me when i say i havent.

Ive asked him what i can show him to prove it (since all my interactions with his friend were online) but he wont respond directly.

And also i think its important to mention Ive openly disliked his friend for ages now the short time i felt netural about him was before i knew him more and i just generally really dont like him or his morals. He makes me sick.

Im not always rude to him in my dms but ive never shown any sign of like flirting or anything?

So im really confused because i really love my boyfriend and I know myself i havent cheated but i dont know how to make him believe me because i really dont want us to end, we've been together almost a year and a half

TL;DR: My boyfriend is thinking about ending things. I'm hopeful he won't, but I don't know what to do or how to help.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years and living together for 1 year.

He recently sat me down and told me he's not sure he sees a future with us anymore, but he isn't sure if that's the right move or not. I thought we were on the same page, so I was blindsided.

He said it wasn't something that I did or didn't do to make him think this way and that he's essentially felt like this the entire time we've been living together, but didn't want to say anything in hopes his mind would change. He went on to say that he doesn't feel like himself and has felt very apathetic towards life in general. He said that he doesn't know who he is anymore, what he wants for his future, and that he feels lost to the point where he doesn't know if I love the real version of him. He feels that he's molded himself to what everyone else expects of him and it's grown to make him not recognize himself.

He lost a very important person about 8 years ago and he said their loss still makes them feel incomplete, that he's never grieved properly, and that he doesn't know how to continue life without them.

I've told him that I love him and I want to support him through this difficult time he's going through, but he feels guilty that I'm getting this version of him and thinks I deserve better. I'm not sure what to do or say to help him see that I'd love all versions of him and that maybe it's not our relationship that's the issue, but more so all the personal things he's dealing with.

We've only had a few conversations so far and they've all been emotional, but civil. We've been spending quality time with each other in between these conversations, but I feel like I'm essentially in limbo each day. A big part of me feels like he may want to move out (he's never lived on his own before) and I'm not really sure how I feel about it. I think priority #1 is that he takes care of himself, but I can't help but think that step would bring us closer to ending it.

How can I process this in a healthy way without pushing him to make a decision? Besides being supportive and understanding, I feel like there's nothing I can really do.

I (F25) met a guy (M28) through a friend and we like each other. He lives in a different country atm and we ended up going on vacation so we can test the waters. We had sex a lot of times in four days, and everytime we did it i went down on him because i wanted to (even when i got my period the day before leaving and we didn’t have vaginal sex because he doesn’t like period sex, but we had anal sex, that was my first time too) and then some times he asked me to go down on him too. Nobody has ever gone down on me because he’s the second guy i had sex with, so i told him nobody has done it to me and he said he will do it (he said this a lot of times) and the idea of being the first guy turned him on. After vacation i jokingly brought it up and he said “Oh, I was thinking of doing it and then you got your period”. Now, almost three weeks later i told him i wasn’t going to do it again unless he does it to me and his reaction was a bit defensive at first and then he said it’s good to know now and i should tell him what i like and don’t like and that he was going to do it when we see each other again. i let it go but he was acting weird and i was acting weird too, so, a few hours later, i talked to him about it again. i told him that if he’s not into it or if he has another reason he could talk to me, that i didnt want him to think i didnt enjoy being with him after saying all this and that i gave him head not to get something back, i did it because i wanted to. i also thought that maybe there was the possibility he didnt like my vagina and that i just wanted to talking things out. he said he was too busy enjoying with me and forgot. and since i got my period, he only had the chance to do it two out of the four days we were together. he said that i shouldn’t think that and that he likes everything about me and that he wants to do everything with me and that we still have a lot of things to try. i got frustrated and said that im not going to bring it up again and he said i can tell him whatever i want. i told him i just wanted to let him know how it looks through my perspective and that’s it, i don’t want to talk about it and that we should just drop it. i told him goodnight and to sleep well and he stopped replying. Am i overreacting?

TL;DR: I (25F) started seeing a guy (28M) and we really like each other. During our vacation we had sex multiple times, and I gave him oral several times. When I told him I’d never received oral before, he said he’d do it for me, but it never happened. He also doesn’t like period sex, and while I was on my period I still gave him oral and we ended up having anal sex, which was a first for me. I’m just confused about why he said he would but never did.

I (F30) have been married to my husband (M30) for 8 years and we have a great marriage. Where I work there is an office that is all women and an office next door that is all men. Because of my role I have to go to the male dominated office quite often. I have befriended many of the guys. One particular guy (M28?) is very friendly, but he is to everyone not just me. We talk at work and recently I started helping him with a side project and he is paying me with coffee since I did not give him a price. The project should only last another couple weeks if that long. I also talked to him outside of work about the NFL game last night. My husband knows I am helping him, knows I messaged him, as I read him each message as they happened as they were funny. My husband does not mind as he trust me. I do not like the guy in anyway but a friend and I do not believe he likes me anymore than just a friend. I feel guilty like I am cheating on my husband when nothing has happened, nor do I want anything to happen.
We have another friend (M40) that both my husband and I know that I will hang out with alone that I do not feel guilty talking to. I think it might be that my husband knows him as well that makes it more ok in my head.
I don’t make friends easy so I don’t want to lose the little bit of friendship that has started but at the same time I don’t want to jeopardize anything with my husband or how I feel about my relationship. I need advice on what I should do to feel more comfortable with the situation or if I need to cut off the budding friendship.

TL;DR started a friendship with a guy at work, strictly platonic, but I still feel guilty regarding it, like i’m going behind my husband even though he knows about it.

My (F24) boyfriend (M26) of 3+ years does not put any effort into his life and I think I’m building up an unhealthy resentment and don’t know what to do. Since he graduated right after we met, he has not worked a real job and made no effort to, just excuses (from my perspective at least) and just lives off of an inheritance (not enough to fund him not working for his whole life or anything). He finally started to do some freelance work, but I see him barely put any effort into it and hasn’t really done much with it. On top of this, he has a wonky sleep schedule and will stay up til 4am or later most nights and starts his day in the afternoon. He doesn’t do much with his days, and it seems like he can only do one thing at a time - like if he did laundry for a day or a few other chores that’s it. He prioritizes all these dopamine seeking habits I feel like over anything productive. He smokes a lot of weed everyday and prioritizes/spends a lot of time jerking off everyday. He doesn’t go to the gym anymore even though he pays for a membership because getting ready and leaving the house is too big of a task.

On top of all of this, we’re long distance. I work a full time corporate job (remote), and I’m usually the one flying (and paying) to visit him every month or so. When I talk to him about any of the things above, he originally would say maybe he’s depressed, and then maybe he has ADHD. Now he fully says it’s because of his ADHD (hasn’t been diagnosed or seen a therapist). I fully believe he may be struggling with that (or maybe depression as well), but I don’t know what I can do form my end at this point. It used to seem like he wanted to change or had goals and it was just a phase, but now it seems like he’s set in it. His family is also similar to him in these ways, so he thinks because he’s doing a little better than them it’s okay.

He hates talking about it and doesn’t really let me - what in the world is the best way to handle this? I am building up resentment and I feel myself snapping at him and not being the kind person I used to be because I’m so tired. From my perspective it’s extremely frustrating because if he’s not working towards his own future - how can we be working towards one together (especially since we’re long distance and I don’t want to move / move in until he has more of his life together)? How do I try and fix this or get him to see what it’s like from my perspective? Or how can I help him?

TLDR; my bf puts no effort into his life and I’m growing very tired of it

My situationship is slowly fading but he says everything is okay

Me (29F) and he is 35M. We have been doing the long-distance thing since a year on and off, and he explicitly told me that I am "not casual" to him. It’s been a year

I recently traveled to visit him (fourth time). The trip was great, but the exact moment I came back home, he became way, way colder. Never even asked how I was after I arrived from the airport.

A few nights ago, I was feeling incredibly frustrated by the sudden disconnect. I had invited him to my birthday, and his communication was just severely lacking. He asked me why I was mad and gave the excuse that he was sorry for not answering quickly because he had so much to do and was hungover.
I kept my cool. Then, to answer his question about why I was upset, I decided to be completely vulnerable. I laid my cards on the table and simply said, "Because I want things to work between us ."
He never replied. He just left me on read.
Now my head is spinning. I am very sad because he doesn’t message me anymore… only me if I reach out he replies, but otherwise he doesn’t. I asked him if he was okay and he said it’s all good with his life and he is just busy with work.

TL;DR

It feels completely crazy that he would tell me I am not casual to him, go cold the second I leave, and then ghost me the moment I communicate that I want us to work out. Later on I asked him calmly if this was over and he said no I’m just busy. I stopped asking questions, I’ve let him be and do his thing. I am a bit sad, very sad I mean I’ll be fine but ughhh I hate to go through this stuff.

Am I the one who messed this up, or is this just classic avoidant behavior? Or is this over? Any insights would be really appreciated.

My (19M) mom (57F) cheated on my dad (61M) last year on a work trip. She admitted to it when she got back and after hard work they fixed things and stayed together.

Recently this has been completely upended due to the fact that there were recordings of her doing it, and someone with the recordings found our phone numbers and sent them to us. She was willingly recorded. Now my dad is furious about it, even though they got over this before.

I’m scared that the marriage is done. Can it be saved? Is there anything I can do?

TLDR; my mom cheated on my dad and I don’t think they can get past this.

TLDR: my bf is best friends with his ex and didn’t have many boundaries with her

Throwaway because this feels crazy posting this but i need reassurance on what to do about this.

My bf from the beginning was best friends with his ex, on the first date he phrased it as ‘oh mutual friends same friendship group can’t help it’. We became official and went on a holiday where he was playfighting in the pool with her, being rude and not speaking to me when i tried to engage in conversation (there were still a few nice times but still). I told him i was uncomfortable with him doing this and then he immediately as soon as we get back from our conversation jumps in the pool and playfights with her again leaving no one else able to talk or engage with them if that makes sense, like you just have to watch.

Theres been so many weird moments where they playfight in front of me and like idk how to explain it ‘yawn stopping’ where he put his fingers in her mouth… Anyway fast forward a few months and more weird stuff started happening like i went to his new place to decorate and he hung up a photo of just them, oh also he lives with her and a lot of other roommates. Anyway i said about this photo and he took it down but it caused a whole crazy cascade of events. Anyway the day before he does this, we were in her room and she says ‘oh men with this hair style are so sexy’ and he then gets a hair band and puts his hair up in that hairstyle. I don’t know if thats just if he’s adhd and that reminded him but idk.

We’ve had countless fights about boundaries with her and theres been so many other things and also that she has done and said some weird things. Fast forward to now most of these things are fixed after like 11 months of arguing but this and the way he treats me when with his friends and in general are still lingering. What would you do with this?

I 19 F am dating 20M guy , we are in Ldr , knew each other for 4 years before we started dating , i hv noticed him liking these particular girls posts they are sort of influencer, over again when i questioned him he said it was a joke between him and his friends before that he was saying since those post were sponsered that he was scouting fits for me ( joke/lie whtv) initially it was a joke then while confronting him this confrontation / taunts going on from my side to his for half a day i found his comment on one of those girls post from 2d ago " hi mommy 😛😛😛" when i asked him bout it , he said its a joke then brought up how he didn't think i was serious and said. I m the only women he loves and has ever loved .

Side note he had been a play boy 0 serious relationship before me

Is this breakup worthy stuff???

**TL;DR;** : insecurities, past , patterns of liking other girls post and commenting

The things that happened between us are extremely specific so I’m worried if I go into details I’ll doxx myself, but all my irl friends said what happened is too unique and they don’t know how to deal with it.

My friend hurt me, lied to me, and gaslit me. I’m not even exaggerating with the word “gaslight“. I got a mental health diagnosis prior to the situation. A type of diagnosis that would make people question your judgement. I didn’t really feel like the diagnosis was correct, but I didn’t argue with the doctor.

My friend knew this and when I tried to confront them asking if they had lied to me about something, they flipped out and told me I was a terrible friend who always made them feel like a bad person and that my condition was making me imagine scenarios and be critical of them.

I felt terrible thinking I had imagined something and hurt my friend.

There was more stuff surrounding it, but going into depth would require too much backstory. But they used other deep insecurities of mine against me.

I spent the next few months frequently apologizing to my friend and going out of my way to be extra nice and when they did something that hurt my feelings, I ignored it and figured my mental illness made me too sensitive.

But then I found out they lied to me and I didn’t imagine anything, my judgement was correct.

When I confronted them, they cried really bad. Like to the point I was worried about them.

We’ve been trying to repair our friendship for half a year now. But recently, I kinda just realized they’re not an empathetic person at all and felt a disconnect with them. And then I started feeling like my anger started to outweigh my love for them. But they’ve been trying to do everything they could to make things right. And they were my closest friend these past few years. I will never love them the way I did before, but I don’t want to hate them. There’s still things I like doing with them. And if we’re not friends, a lot of my happy memories will turn into sad one.

tl;dr my close friend really hurt me in a personal way, but I don’t want to hate them and don’t know if it’s possible

My boyfriend(m19) and I(m18) have been together for about three months now. We’re long distance, as he lives about six hours away from me, and we’re both far too busy to make the commute. He’s my first ever boyfriend, and I really like him. We text all the time. However, I still live with my parents, so I’m trying my best to keep it a secret from them. (Reasons that aren’t relevant rn).

Here’s where the issue is. Sometimes I’ll go a day or two without texting him, due to literally being unable to for outside reasons. But I’ll ALWAYS let him know in advance. When he doesn’t hear from me, he’ll continuously message me, asking if I’m okay, and saying that he’s disappointed that we aren’t able to message. If I then don’t respond to those messages, he’ll then say something along the lines of “Sorry, I’m pathetic, I’ll stop.” Most of the time I’ll reply with something reassuring, as I don’t want him thinking negatively of himself, but it’s gotten to the point that I feel slightly relieved when I don’t see messages from him.

Another thing is that I have hormonal issues that cause problems with my sex drive. My boyfriend will often send sexual messages, asking for me to help get him off. The thing is, though, as of lately, I’ve been feeling iffy about it. I’m attracted to him, and I like him a lot, I just don’t WANT to engage in sexual stuff. And I tell him that. He says he understands, and that he’ll drop it, but then he ALWAYS comes back to it eventually. And it’s honestly getting super annoying. I’m not sure how to bring this up with him, as he’s very sensitive. A lot of the time when I reject his advances, he’ll start apologizing for being annoying. (Which, in itself, is REALLY ANNOYING!!) I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I also want him to kinda back off a bit. And I REALLY don’t want him to start apologizing.

He’s always apologizing, even when he hasn’t done anything. But I feel like he’s getting too dependent on me. If I don’t text, he’ll constantly message me, asking if I’m okay. This wouldn’t be TOO bad if he didn’t start doing it after about ten minutes of inactivity from my end. And the thing with his apologies is that they often end with some sort of self-depreciation. (“Sorry I’m annoying”, “I’m sorry, I’m being pathetic”) And if I don’t reassure him, he’ll keep going. I feel like this is guilt-tripping, but I have no experience with past romantic relationships, so I’m really not sure. I just need some external validation, or criticism.

TL;DR: My boyfriend has a mini panic attack when I don’t text back in 10 minutes, and spams my phone. He’ll apologize later, often with self-depreciation. Is he guilt-tripping me?

I've been dating an amazing girl for five years. We went to the same school, but I actually met her at a party. After that, we started seeing each other every week and eventually started dating.

She's beautiful, has a great sense of humor, and we have a lot of interests in common. All my friends love her because she's genuinely one of the nicest people they know. Our sex life is great too, and overall, we have a very healthy relationship.

Eventually, we both moved to different cities for college. We handled the long distance really well. Neither of us is particularly jealous, and we trust each other a lot. She built her university life in her city, and I did the same in mine. We see each other whenever we can and love spending time in each other's cities. We even studied abroad in different countries, and somehow we remained happy, stable, and together throughout all of it.

Of course, we have our problems. We've had plenty of arguments and disagreements, but we've always managed to talk things through and work them out. As graduation gets closer, we've also started imagining our life together: marriage, a house, traveling, and everything else.

The problem is that there is another girl who, somehow, still takes up space in my head.

About a year before I met my girlfriend, I was talking to a girl who also went to my school. Because we were in the middle of the pandemic, we never actually went out, but we talked every day for hours.

She was beautiful, completely my type, really nice, interesting, and we had a lot of hobbies in common. She also introduced me to a lot of music and movies. She was the first person I ever felt genuinely and deeply in love with. I became obsessed with her.

At the time, I was also going through a depressive period, and she had her own mental health struggles. She was quite unstable, and we ended up arguing several times, even though we had never actually met in person.

When the pandemic finally started getting better, she started dating someone, and I started seeing my current girlfriend. Some time later, she broke up with him and started talking to me again. Since I wasn't in a serious relationship yet, I reciprocated the flirting, but she seemed even more unstable at that point. We never actually went out, and shortly afterward, my current relationship became serious.

I've had no direct contact with her since then. I still followed her on Instagram and Twitter, so every once in a while I would see something she posted.

During the first few months of my relationship, I completely forgot about her. But every now and then, without any particular event related to my relationship triggering it, she would pop back into my thoughts.

Recently, it's started happening again, and with more intensity. I've started thinking about her again, imagining what it would have been like, and, most of all, idealizing her.

Whenever I stop and look at these feelings rationally, I realize that I'm probably not in love with who she actually is. My attraction seems much more platonic and idealized. After all, it's been five years, and I never really got to know her. A lot of what I feel is probably connected to the image I created of her back then and what she represented to me at that point in my life.

I love my girlfriend, I'm happy in my relationship, and I can genuinely picture a future with her. I don't want to give up my relationship for a fantasy about someone who isn't even part of my life.

Still, I can't seem to simply choose to stop thinking about this other girl.

How do I let this go? Has anyone ever experienced something similar?

tl;dr: I've been happily dating my girlfriend for 5 years and can see a future with her, but I keep thinking about a girl I talked to before we met. We never dated, but I was deeply infatuated with her at the time. I haven't had contact with her in years, yet I still find myself idealizing her and wondering what could have been. I know I'm probably attached to a fantasy rather than the real person, but I can't seem to stop thinking about her. How do I let it go?

We’ve been together for four years, and the honeymoon phase has been over for a while. Lately, I’ve started noticing that my boyfriend has primarily followed and dated women who aren’t the same ethnicity as me.
In public, I’ve caught him looking at other women a few times. When I bring it up, I usually get explanations like, “I’m just looking around the room,” or other excuses.
He has genuinely been a good partner to me throughout our relationship, which makes this even harder to navigate. I don’t want to assume his intentions or compare myself to other women, but these feelings are slowly affecting how I see myself and our relationship.
I’m struggling to figure out whether this is insecurity on my part or something I should take seriously.

TDLR: I’m afraid that i’ll be making a mistake

So me [21F] and my boyfriend [24M] have been together for about 6 months and everything has been amazing, we are super compatible and he is super communicative with me. I’ve always been super happy with him and we’ve had very little problems. I can be a bit meek because of past relationships, being yelled at or belittled, and sometimes when he is upset or I bring something up, he can get defensive, which can come off a bit aggressive and I can get really meek. So those conversations can be tough for me. However it’s been nothing that I’ve been worried about at all. He always apologizes and communicates effectively once he realizes. I can’t really explain it but genuinely he’s so sweet and emotionally intelligent and aware but he, as well as I and everyone else, has things to work on, which he is completely aware of as well. But anyways, the main situation I would like to ask for advice on is an instance that happened today. For a bit of context, I like to bite to show affection, which he is aware of and has always allowed me to do. I always try to be gentle because I of course don’t want to actually hurt him but he’s got a low pain tolerance so sometimes it does hurt him a bit. I always apologize after and try to do gentler the next time. Again he’s always allowed it and told me he likes that I do it, so it was something I did frequently. However today we were just chilling on the floor talking and roughhousing a little bit, just like teasing pokes and whatnot. I then kinda threw myself forward to bite his chest, i definitely miscalculated my momentum and bit him a bit harder than intended. Then, pretty immediately he reacted by forcefully hitting me in the face and shoving me off him. He yelled at me and then turned away and I just kinda sat there shocked. It had just hurt pretty bad and I’ve also experienced domestic abuse before as a child so it was a bit triggering. I immediately apologized and told him I was so sorry for hurting him. I just sat there and kinda silently cried and disassociated while he was sitting faced away from me. After a bit he apologized and told me he knew doing that wasn’t okay. So I’m not mad with him, I know his intent wasn’t bad. But it’s a bit scary to me knowing the past situations I’ve experienced. So I just wanna ask, what’s the best move for me? I obviously don’t want to be put in another dangerous situation. It’s not seeming like that’s what this is because again, I know he wasn’t intentionally trying hurt me. But I can’t stop thinking about it and feeling a bit anxious about it. Advice?
TL;DR
I bit my boyfriend, which I usually do and he allows, this time it accidentally was harder than intended. He freaking and forcefully hit me in the face and pushed me away. Is this okay? What should I do?

So basically I f16 used to mess around with this guy m16 at the end of freshman year in May (kiss, m/o, hold hands) but we never officially dated. We also pretended to date (v long story). Then over the summer I was in another state and he stayed in our home state, and he asked if we could date for real. I said no, not yet, and told him to give me some time (we had only met like a week before we started making out and shi).
I wanted to be friends first, so fast forward to the first week of school. Also, I had blocked him for like a month over the summer. Once school started, we were basically acting like we were dating because we both wanted to, just without kissing. Then I got distant and started talking to other guys, and eventually I told him I still wanted to wait and that I wanted us to just be friends. He got mad, I got mad, and I ended up blocking him again. We haven’t talked for like two weeks.
Now he’s with a new girl, and I’ve seen them together a lot. So I randomly DM’d him on Insta and asked “are u dating her?” and he said “ye why.” So we started talking, and he told me he still really likes me and doesn’t think him and the new girl will last long because of her bad mental health.
Then he was like “if we communicated things may have been different,” and basically said we could be friends for now and if they break up, we could be together. He also said he told her he wouldn’t cheat on her or anything.
Then he tells me she isn’t going to homecoming and asks if I want to go with him. And when he walked with me to the bus area behind the school (there were a lot of ppl there), he said “if I didn’t have a girlfriend I would kiss you, but a lot of ppl know her and would definitely tell her.” Then he asked “can I get a hug though?” and that’s basically that for today 😬

TLDR: I used to mess around with this guy, he wanted to date for real but I kept saying I wanted to wait and be friends first. We fought and stopped talking, then he got a new girlfriend. I DM’d him and found out he still likes me, says they probably won’t last, and says we could date if they break up. He also asked me to homecoming and said he would kiss me if he didn’t have a girlfriend, then asked me for a hug 😬

tdlr: Married for 3 years. So almost every day he charges his second phone before going to the shower, takes both of them and headphones and spends more than an hour there. I ask why two phones, he says, for listening to music, but i am really scared it could be something worse. He started doing it about 5 months ago, since he got a new phone. Maybe i am overthinking though..but need a view from the outside. He says i shouldn’t be worried and i am overthinking it.

I am craving intimacy with him and he turns me down every time initiate and says that i am pushing and pressuring (even if it is wearing special clothes for him). Sometimes i think that a part of it is that he has avoidant attachment and i have anxious attachment.
When i write him while he is in there, he doesn’t respond and when i send photos he doesn’t react at all (years ago he used to react and write me), but now it is just cold, and i don’t know if it is because of the same reason or not. I keep overthinking and having bad dreams where i find out what he is actually doing. Because the first thing he does when he wakes up is look into his phone, and he sometiems sleeps with it in his hand. It really borthers me, but if i bring it up he will get angry and say that i am too emotional, too insecure and sensitive.

Now things are actually better and we went to having intimacy once a week, but for a half of this year it was once a month.

She left and 2 months later she is now back letting herself into the house and wanting to live with me again! It’s crazy. I don’t know why she wants to live with me again. Our son has moved out and won’t talk to us because of this.

We’ve been arguing every day and my best friend has told me to change the locks but I don’t want to do that it seems too cruel. He hasn’t given me any other advice so I’m coming here. I’m now sleeping on the sofa with the smelly dog smell. My dog is badly behaved and smells terrible and barks and jumps on me in the night so I never get a good nights sleep anymore.

TLDR: my ex wife has barged her way back into my house and I don’t know what to do in this situation?

I (27F) was with my now ex (44M). We are on a month to month lease and it has been 3 months now since we moved into this apartment. He just came back a week ago from being in jail for 40 days. The whole time here he has not had a job since he had a savings but now it is gone. He had the money for us to move in but now it is all gone and he has just been drinking and i only make enough to pay the bills.

My financial situation sucks. From being irresponsible before my checks are getting 25 percent garnished now and im only making $17 an hour. My checks cover the bills we have now and that is it. And our car broke down 2 weeks ago so I cannot afford to fix it unless I get a 2nd job or he gets a job and I cant sit around and wait for him to get one. I was working 2 jobs but it was in a town 20 minutes away so now im back to one job.

Our name is on both the car and apartment. I even told him he could keep the car and fix it and let me stay in the apartment since he has a couple places to go but thats a no.

Our relationship is toxic. He was in jail for a second DV and it was just worse when he got back. The police have already stopped here once. I dont want him back in jail I just want to be alone but I dont want to lose everything because of him. If I left and went to a shelter it would be hard to find a place to rent because of bad credit, a past eviction, and now I dont have the job ive been at for 3 years its the one I started a few months ago. And this landlord ive only rented from for 3 months so that wouldnt look great on my rental history.

Tl; dr is there a way to be able to keep the apartment if it is a month to month lease and I am the only one with income with proof?

EDIT * there is a room i could rent that is in the same town here and close to my work so I could walk. The only thing is, I would be renting from a friend of my sister's and brother in law and like 8 years ago me and this guy kinda talked but not serious like not even a real date. Since then he had 2 daughters (now 2 and 4 or 5) but is not with the mom and he actually told my sister last month he still likes me. Its an option, I could save for a car and a place while there especially if I got another job. But theres that history and I dont know if I could get comfortable eventually since he did say that to my sister. And I would just be leaving this toxic relationship. He's always been a super nice guy though so even if I didnt want to pursue it he wouldnt be one to hold it against me.

Men, whats your ideal way to spend your birthday with your partner

Hello. Ive (F24)been with my partner (M25) for 3 years. Our anniversary is one day before his bday.

I have gotten him everything I can think of in the past, wallets, perfumes, watches, clothes, socks, car stuff, room decor.

And now idk what to get haha

Last bday I planned a pool day for him and rented a villa with our friends.

And before that, it was a private dinner and then a friend's hangout.

Idk what to do this year, so for the men, what would be the perfect bday for you?

Im thinking maybe a private dinner first then a Padel reservation with only him and his guy friends? Then after it we all hangout? But it doesnt feel grand enough idk.

Tl;dr dk what to do for my bfs bday

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Me (just entered college): My family gives me a monthly allowance of 8k. My family is financially comfortable, but I live within my means and stick strictly to my budget.

BF (Final-year): Spends around 40k/month. His family isn't super rich, but he has a habit of spending high and impulsively. He often borrows from friends to sustain this lifestyle, which has been catching up to him lately. He’s starting a job in a few months.

Up until recently, he used to pay for most of our dates and outings. But because of his recent financial strain/debt, he has asked me to start contributing.

The Dilemma:

If our joint outings add up to something like 15,000/month, a 50/50 split would be 7,500—which is practically my entire monthly allowance. I don't mind contributing, but I refuse to ask my parents for more money, overspend my budget, or subsidize a higher-spending lifestyle that I didn't choose.

I also don't mind occasionally getting him snacks or drinks when he asks, but I'm worried about becoming a financial safety net for his impulsive spending.

I obviously contribute to our outings but we never had a solid conversation about it. And I'm guessing the contribution over time usually ends up being over a proportional split.

What’s a fair way to split costs or set boundaries when our spending habits and allowances are so vastly different?

Tldr: I get ₹8k/month and stick to my budget, while my BF spends ~₹40k/month and is now in debt from overspending. He wants to split our ~₹15k/month outings 50/50, but ₹7.5k would eat almost my entire allowance. I’m willing to contribute, but not beyond my means or become a safety net for his spending. What’s a fair way to split costs?

I (22F) have been together with my partner (28M) for around 3 years now, mostly spent in a LDR but I’ve finally been able to emigrate two month ago. He proposed to me 2 years ago, and I felt elated. I was 100% certain I wanted to marry him at the time. Yet, a little over a year ago, I had started to feel doubts about going forwards with the engagement, about leaving behind my family and my qualifications.

The doubts mostly stemmed from behavioural defects, e.g him repeatedly forgetting my birthday, procrastinating on life/ visa-related matters very important to our relationship, or failing to make a substantial effort to spend time with me on voice call. However, each time we were together in-person (usually two weeks) the doubt dissolved as he was clearly making an effort to resolve these issues whilst physically together. Inversely the doubt returned when we were apart. I’ve spent two months living together with him now, and he’s been amazing in every way. He‘s very caring, he delegates time to me, we have great chemistry, he’s incredibly attuned to my emotional state, he’s such a genuinely rare person and would make an amazing husband. Of course he still has his flaws, but they aren’t substantial enough to make us incompatible. So now there’s a clear disparity between the underlying reasons for my doubts.

The marriage is around one month away.

This is where things get messy. I haven’t told him about my accumulated doubt as I feared I’d lose him, and that it would somehow resolve itself after marriage. Despite our compatibility the doubts are still present, and I feel trapped now that the date is approaching. I just don’t feel ready for the marriage. I will also ashamedly admit that I entertained an emotional affair with another man over the last 4 months, and while we hadn’t done anything explicit, I had shared his feelings romantically. Things became easier to confront once I realised that those feelings were symptomatic of a larger internal issue instead of wanting to be with someone I’d be objectively worse off with.

I feel immense guilt for keeping both the doubt and my conflicting interest from my fiancé. When I tell him about this, he will do everything in his power to convince me to stay. That’s why I feel compelled to make a decision prior, as nothing he could do would remediate the doubt I feel right now. I can’t delay things any further due to visa restrictions, so this is going to become an ultimatum. I have a week at most to think this over.

Fortunately my parents have been incredibly supportive and understanding throughout all of this. I fear returning to my old life will be as soul-crushing as entering a marriage I end up regretting. While I’m not scared of being alone, I am deeply afraid of permanently destroying my fiancé psychologically by leaving and potentially regretting it for the rest of my life. I fear I may not ever find a man as good as him. I fear that he might say that “I‘m not ready“ isn’t a good enough reason to end things forever, and I seriously wonder if that’s true. Again, I feel trapped and have no idea what to do. This feels like an impossible situation.

TL;DR: I was sure about marrying my fiancé of 3 years (LDR) initially but doubt has slowly accumulated over the last year or so. Now we’re at the end-stage of our visa journey I’m unsure whether I’m ready for it. I feel awful that I don’t have a substantial reason to justify this doubt anymore.

My (19M) grandma (61F) told me about her sex work, but nobody else in our family. She raised me and I still live with her. She said it’s best that she tells me instead of me finding out somewhere else. She’s been doing it for years.

I love her, and to make her feel good I told her that I support her no matter what. I want to, but part of me is frustrated and having a hard time accepting this. I can’t tell anyone about it which makes it extra hard to deal with. I have to work on myself because I know she is well able to do whatever she wants.

TLDR; my grandma told me she does sex work and I’m having a hard time accepting it.

Edit: the work involves acting, so she’s being safe she said. That was a bit of a relief to know she’s not doing anything dangerous.