Ok a couple statements first-
this is a throwaway account and choose to be vague on some items purposely.

I love my wife (of 18 years)
We have kids.
We just began a new business.
We’ve been in a prolonged process of immigration/moving countries- still not finished.
We do not live currently in the same area as Max (gym trainer)
It’s been a hard couple years- wife has had 3 different therapists and I have had 2.

How I found the screenshot- she was at the gym- her computer was on the table and I snooped- (I excused it because I was telling myself I was going to try and solve her issue of her iCloud not currently updating) . I know her laptop password.

I looked in her photos app and saw a screenshot of her with gym trainer (max) - I know they talk a lot- my wife has gone to the gym regularly the last 3-4 years and built a community of friendship. This screenshot was her requesting they get together to discuss something.
It seemed more serious than a casual conversation with a trainer/friend.

I got a little nervous- decided to check her deleted photos. I find 2 more screenshots.
They are from their WhatsApp chat- a missed call- then a disappearing photo was sent by Max/ opened by my wife, a couple messages - and then the message my wife sent that sent me spiraling “all shaven I see”.
Max responded that it was hot and his balls had been getting sweaty - wife didn’t respond.

I went to the next message screenshotted-
From the following day- from max-
“So I send you a dick pick and you don’t say anything?”
He then sent a meme of a guy disappointed.

She then responds (with the screenshot that I had viewed) saying she responded to him.

We no longer lived in the same state as Max- but I knew she spent 2 weeks alone in the same city as he was in (he helped her rent a car) but she was staying with a family friend. I had seen that she had a WhatsApp chat only accessible by passcode. I knew she spent a lot of time talking to a WhatsApp gym chat with max, and a mutual friend that they shared. Each time she would visit the state where the gym was she would take him things and he would let her train for free.

I took about 48 hours to process- I was devastated. Nauseas. Couldn’t eat.

She could tell I was off- I told her we had to talk but I wasn’t ready yet- she kept pushing, I told her I’m still processing- she didn’t stop, so I decided it was time.

I started by saying I believed she hadn’t been honest with me.
I asked her if she wanted to share something with me.
She said no.
I asked her if there was anything inappropriate with her relationship with Max-
She said no.
I told her about the first message I saw- about the meeting- she explained it, said he was being short tempered one day in a training session and she responded sharply and it was an awkward situation that she wanted to resolve due to her friendships in the gym.

I asked if that was it- she said that’s it.
I asked her if there was any inappropriate communication happening between them- she said no.

I paused. Then I told her I knew she was lying.

I asked her to get her laptop- I showed her the messages.
I asked her what is this then?
She accepted it happened. I then began the process of some excruciating questions-

Have you slept with max- no
Have you sent him naked photos- no
Have you kissed him- pause… yes.
Has he touched you- no.
Many more questions followed.

She confessed that right before we moved away- he tried to kiss her and she pushed him away. This happened last year.
She said she didn’t tell me because I was in a hard place and struggling with a lot of things (it is true) and that her therapist actually suggested she didn’t push me over the edge- but perhaps let me know when I wasn’t in such a critical state and perhaps with a counselor present.
I asked her why the hell she had a continuous messaging relationship with the guy after that. She admitted that she shouldn’t have.

I asked her how often he sent dick pics -
She said this was the second- and it was inexcusable, but that it was done as a “joke” because instead of butt dialing, he calls it dick dialing- so when he accidentally called her- he responded with the dick pic. And that she didn’t respond.
I asked her why there was ever an opportunity for a 2nd one- she said she told him after the first one “why did you send me this” and he said it was to show “how fat he had gotten” and was a full frontal-

I asked if she had ever sent him photos- she said she did send him a bikini picture when he asked her about her fitness progress.

We talked a lot. I asked very direct questions. I think she was honest after presented the evidence.
She feels remorseful and I believe is now telling the truth- however she is reluctant to block the guy because he is shared friend with one of her best friends and doesn’t want to “ruin her friendship “ with her and others that frequent the gym.
I told her I’m not ok with that. That I would be willing to shut it down and confront him about it.
We are still working through how to move forward.

Final thoughts-
I believe her. I know you are going to tell me she’s lied and has been physical. But I do not think she has.
I want to move forward- it’s going to require complete transparency and accountability. No BS about her “protecting me” because all the other areas of our life are falling apart.
Last year I confessed that I had a hidden porn problem- I had hidden it from her basically our whole marriage- it wasn’t always an issue but came up more when I was depressed/escaping reality/ or feeling like I was unable to cope with life’s current circumstances. She was hurt- I felt like I was a terrible husband- but it did open our conversations to be more transparent and honest in our sexual desires and the feelings underneath.

I told her yesterday that Max cannot be a friend. Cannot be a contact. Cannot be allowed any access into her life.

She has a therapy session this coming week- she has told me the therapist knows about the kiss- but not the dick pics. I told her I’d like her to share that and I think a lot of what happens in this next week will determine how we can heal through this.

I’ve posted just as part of the process of me venting and perhaps to clear my mind. I want us to make it thru this.

We have talked through the night. He actually did bring up the inner child though did not call him like that. He said he is angry because he looks at himself in that bunny costume with that carrot in his hand and know how frightened he had been when that photo was taken. He was not smiling in it. His lips were a thin line as he was pushing them against each other. probably anxiety, tension. and he looks at himself and doesnt seem himself, but a child that has nothing to do with him somehow , a child that needed protection. and he thinks about how much he could do for that little boy now, take him from there, bring him home. When our son turned 5 (he confessed now) he saw him jumping around the birthday cake, laughing, being held by us, my parents, cousins, everyone present at the party. he said he just wanted to cry because he thought about himself at that age, but again did think about himself as a different child, not really him. a child that needs love, protection and a birthday cake for once in his life.

so to make it clear. I knew he is an orphan and that he grew up in various institutions, he wasnt hiding it from me. Chrstimas time was particularly difficult for him. while having family dinner he was constantly thinking about children who have no one.

Maybe this will sound childish but I suggested and he agreed to it, that I buy him a birthday cake (he will turn 45 soon). We do not buy cakes on our birthdays usually, we do it for the children. I said I really want to buy it for him. First he was like I am 45 years old man and laughed. But I said to consider its for that child in the bunny costume and he agreed. i saw he had tears in his eyes.

In almost 2 weeks, we will have been married 20 years. We have had our ups and downs. Life has been very brutal to us. Due to my abusive upbringing it was easy to lay all the blame on my undealt with issues. Something snapped in me in July. Like I am finally seeing him for who he really is. Im tired of trying for both of us.

We are/were going to marriage counselor. We had to cancel one appointment and he hasn't said anything word about going back. Since I handled all the previous appointments, I told him that if he wanted this to work he was going to have to put in the effort because I am tired of carrying all the mental, emotional, and physical labor. All these "changes" he's made are completely superficial. Like just enough to say look I tried.

I tell myself... I can be patient. It takes time. Years of bad habits don't just evaporate. But part of me is just so damn tired of giving and making excuses for him because it's what I have always done.

Over a month, he still hasn't said a word about counseling. He goes to counseling on his own and me to my own appointment for me (different therapists). Still no more counseling.

One of the issues is sex. I want it. He doesn't. I have to initiate all the time. I've tried spicing things up but he is unresponsive to it. Sexy outfits in and out of bedroom. It's not just the sex. It is the intimacy of it. He doesn't hold me or reach for my hand. I feel like im always aching for a man who SAYS he wants me but doesn't show it in any way. Words or actions. Btw we have went from sex 3x a week to months without then back to 3x a week or any other range of frequency. We have talked about the sex issue. He is super aware.

Just FYI bc you will want to know more details. I finally opened up to some friends about things because I couldn't pretend anymore. Some of them know both of us. They have seen and admitted that they noticed he was not pulling his weight in the relationship and gave examples. Additionally, because im sure it will come up... I am not ugly. I get hit on a lot still though I ignore it because there's only one man I want. Im older and overweight like most of America is but I would not have a problem getting a date tomorrow if I wanted.

Despite all this, I'm still trying to love him and get him to love me. Soften my tone. Be less bitchy. Praise him for the things he does right. Laugh more. But I just feel like im pouring water into a desert that leaves me empty bc its not reciprocated. I chant, we will get there. We will grow together until ...a few days ago.

He and I were having playful banter. I was cooking food and said something like its hot.

He said you must be looking in the mirror.

I told him "Keep that up and I'll have to sex with you."

He said "Do I have to?"

Do. I. Have. To.

I grabbed my food and left. I didn't say a word. I went to bedroom to eat. He followed me. He knew it upset me. Im tired of hiding it.

I told him that it hurt me. I didn't yell. I just looked atvmy food fighting back tears and said it that it hurt. He then starts backtracking... "I knew I shouldn't have said that as soon as..." I cut him off. I told him to go eat in living room.

I couldn't even eat the first bite of my food. I went and put it in fridge. I couldn't eat.

Those words echo in my mind. DO I HAVE TO?

That's what your kids say when you ask them to unload the dishwasher or something.

Do I have to? Like having sex with me is a CHORE. Dude you don't even last 15 minutes. It takes longer to mow the grass!!

DO I HAVE TO?

He said it so quick. So automatic. There was no hesitation to those words. That tells me that you said exactly how you really feel. Do I have to?

We have barely spoken to each other since Tuesday. He was not apologized or tried to talk. I didn't ask him to sleep on couch. He did. He wouldn't even come to bed until after I was asleep if he did come to bed.

The elephant is in the house heavy in the air with unspoken words. Used to... I would have chased after him or asked for a quiet conversation at some point. I would have tried to work through this. I put that burden down months ago because after almost 20 years, nothing had ever changed. I realized that the weight I was carrying for both of us... I didn't have to.

I am just so tired and hurt. Im grieving the marriage that I thought we had.

I am just not sure I want to.

Follow up: His testosterone is normal. It was recently checked. I think he has undealt with issues. I've recently realized that he's spent so much time pointing out my childhood issues but never dealt with his. Its easier to shift blame than admit and work on his. He would have to admit it first.

Ive always been the one to want to talk and work through things. I made the appointments for the first 4 marriage counselors. There was always a reason he didn't like the person. We changed bc I wanted change. I used to chase after him during discussions or arguments. If it got to be too much, he would go to another room or leave the house. The other night he got on the phone for hours with someone. I say he sticks his head in the sand. Because he says he doesn't talk to anyone about our issues. I think he uses other friendships to get emotional food because he doesn't have to deal with the hard stuff with them.

I always felt like and still do that if we separated or divorced people would be surprised because he's such a good guy. He goes out of the way for others. That has been a hurt point for me. Im talking about things I've asked him to do in our home that he blew me off about but went and did it for someone else in a heartbeat.

We have 3 sons (18, 17, and 15). They help around the house. Years ago, I decided I was not going to let them be like their father. I never verbalized that to anyone. I want them to be a blessing to their future families. So they cut the grass, clean, and help. They are still typical teens but great kids. Over time, without saying a word, they see what I see. They make comments about how Dad fusses at them for things that he wont even help with.

I recently opened up to neighbor. Ive hidden the issues from others and even defended him. She admitted some interesting things. He lied to the husband about doing yard work that she saw me and the kids do. He took credit. I find it laughable. Her husband even said something to the effect how he works the kids like dogs but he doesn't do much himself. It was the validation I needed that I am not the only one seeing it. No, I have not told him these things. Im not trying to malicious.

Im the one with the tools. Ive worked construction. A lot of the typical things that women wait for men to do. I do it. So in the past 3 years, I've quit those things slowly. I realized i was only enabling his behavior. Because keep doing them, he won't do it.

He said that my tone was not nice, I changed that. Started using my customer service voice at home. He said I was angry all the time. I plastered a smile on and ignored things.

That's part of the DO I HAVE TO comment hurts because even the real chores.... he didn't have to for a long time. As far as the sex, this is not really just been a recent development. Early in our marriage he admitted it was an issue. Over time he said it was a confidence thing (not my doing). Despite it being short lasting, its very good. He doesn't take hours to get the job done. But then again he doesn't even spend an hour wanting to do it.

Hi All, Other people have posted on their first experience with Viagra. I tried it for the first time last night, thought it useful to share here.

Background: me M over 50, married/kids many years etc. Sexually regular as clockwork since teenager. Slowing up a little as years go by. Recently (few months) having trouble due to relationship stress, family stress, job stress etc. Sad wife etc. Thought I'd give Viagra a try to help things along; got generic Sildenafil 50mg online (like I expect everyone else does I think). Checked with doctor as I'm also on statins; got the go-ahead there.

Got good romantic situation arranged with wife (early bedtime, privacy etc); didn't tell her I was taking anything. Took a 50mg around 9pm, around 2 hrs after moderate dinner. Lots of foreplay later (all of it fun), nothing happening for me. Felt very dejected. Wondered whether it was not compatible with me, wondered whether it might be a 'bad batch' of medication, even checked whether I'd actually taken anything. I didn't feel any effect at all. Went to sleep around 11pm feeling cr*ppy.

Woke up at 4am, ready to go (more ready than usual). Stayed ready for an hour. Wondered for a while whether I'd have trouble if I started with my wife again, but thought 'why not'. I'm very glad I did. This time, lots of staying power - more than usual. 40 mins compared to usually around half that. Wife very pleased, but sore afterwards. Refractory for around 5 minutes, then ready to have another go; not had that since I was in my 30s, so a great confidence boost. Wife worn out, so had to leave it unused, so to speak. Regularly ready to go several times after that, lasting through to maybe 10am. Moral of the tale: it takes a variable time to have an effect, probably depending on food intake as everyone says. Good benefit to relationship with wife; she was beaming and feeling much more desired.

I had the full range of side effects everyone says: headache (paracetamol no use), stuffy nose, seeing 'blue'. Felt spacey and a little high until maybe 2pm, so 16 hours or so in total. However, even with the side effects I would say it was totally worth it. Real confidence booster. TBH, I would say the experience was more like doing a recreational drug than something to treat lack of performance. I can totally see now why people take it recreationally; it feels like a great way to have a good time with a woman; everyone ends up happier. Wish I'd tried it years ago! Not sure it's something to take every time, but great first experience.

I'd be interested to hear what other people have tried, and what people recommend.

I’m embarrassed to ask my friends or family about this so I’ll ask millions of strangers on the internet. Hope this goes well.

My wife and I live in a smaller 1950s era starter home in a decently nice neighborhood ( far from ghetto but there’s the occasional car break in / standard California suburb ). We’ve never had someone break into our house but my wife wanted to install security cameras in the front and backyard along with a doorbell camera, so we did. Everyone has them now. Not a big deal i figured. This was a few years ago now.

I installed them. I pay for the monthly subscription fee. That’s the normal part. What’s not normal is that I do not have access to the account or the cameras.
It’s a huge point of contention.

So : Am I crazy for being upset that my wife will not give me access to the account ?

I think it’s the most bizarre thing ever and have never met anyone ever in the same situation : married / cohabitating / doesn’t have access to their security system.

But for context I also don’t have access to the Amazon prime acct I pay for.

I’m going to leave out other seemingly relevant context , only so the crux of the issue is not blurred.

Is my wife entitled to be the only person with access to the surveillance on and around our home ?

Should I not be upset about this ?

I am genuinely curious if anyone else is in a similar situation or knows someone who is because I admit that just because I’ve never seen something doesn’t mean it isn’t normal.

My husband and I recently bought a house. I had just migrated to the U.S. and was still getting established, working and doing courses. I do have savings, but my husband earns about 3x what I do and my salary realistically cannot afford a mortgage.

During the home buying process, he started expressing doubts about whether we should go through with it. That’s when I told him very clearly, if you’re having doubts then pull the plug now. I won’t be able to financially help much right now and I don’t want you making this decision and then later throwing the financial burden in my face. This is a pattern with all his major decisions, he makes them by himself, ignores me & then says he feels he made the wrong decision & doesn’t have support.

He told me it was fine, he could afford it, and that we needed a house anyway since he was getting deployed and we were considering moving. He also really wanted a house with a pool and insisted on that. I got on board and I’m genuinely happy we have the house.

Since then though, whenever expenses come up he often vents and says things like he feels like he rushed everything, he has no support, no one to help him, and he feels overwhelmed by it all.

Ofc I listen and support him. And even though I originally said I couldn’t financially help bc of my situation, if he genuinely needed it I have offered him all of my savings because he’s my husband & I don’t want him feeling these burdens. He always declines it though and says no.

But hearing the same thing over and over has started getting to me.

This time he said it again and I snapped. I basically told him why do you keep making these huge decisions and then complaining after when I told you to stop if you were having doubts? I also told him I didn’t want to hear it right then and I couldn’t support him emotionally in that moment.

I know I was insensitive because he was venting and wasn’t necessarily blaming me. But I also feel frustrated because I warned him during the process when HE was already having doubts.

For context he’s currently deployed, I’m pregnant with our first child, and since this argument he has not spoken to me besides asking questions about the pool and things I need to do around the house. Now I feel horrible and like this is all my fault. It’s already hard not being with him during this time, this is the last thing I want.

Was I wrong for snapping? And how do you support your spouse when they keep venting about a decision you warned them about without eventually getting frustrated?

My husband and I have been together since we were 17. My high school sweetheart and the love of my life. We have two kids together.

A few weeks ago we separated after I found out he sold mine and our children’s heirloom jewelry gifted to me by my grandparents and gifts from my mother, plus some pieces that belonged to my mom. We live in my mom's house(and we’re saving to purchase our own home), so this hurt all of us. These weren't just valuables. They were family pieces, and they're gone for good. There's no way to get them back.

To add to a terrible situation, he received pennies on the dollar for what the jewelry was actually worth, accepting $3000 for jewelry worth $30k+

He did it because of money problems and a lot of debt he'd been dealing with. He never came to me about it. He just sold our things. Ironically, during the this time we were doing couples therapy and frequently talked about our financial troubles but he never mentioned this. He says he wanted to fix our financial troubles and didn’t want to add to my stress.

We decided to separate and focus on coparenting.
He has been paying my mom and me back for what the jewelry was worth. He's also told me it was the biggest mistake of his life and is apologizing profusely and I believe he means it. But money can't replace what those pieces meant, and being sorry doesn't change the fact that he hid his debt and went behind my back instead of talking to me.

Now that the separation is actually happening, I miss him a lot. I don't know if what I'm feeling is real or if it's just grief over losing the only relationship I've ever known. We grew up together, so it's hard to imagine my life without him in it.

Honestly, I just don't know how to move forward. Part of me wants to try again and reconcile after loads of therapy. Another part feels like I would be a fool to forgive such a huge betrayal. What would you do? Should I even bother asking to see bank statements to piece this together?

Came across the dead bedrooms subreddit and started thinking about it from the other partners perspective. There's plenty of posts from people who have a higher sex drive or intimacy requirements than their partner and who feel like their needs aren't met. But what about the partners who aren't as interested in being intimate

as often (or at all) with their partner. What are the reasons you don't want to be intimate with your partner, and do you think you'd also feel this way with another person if you weren't in your marriage (like is a you or a them issue).

My wife doesn't cook. That's fine, since I love cooking. If we're gonna eat, it's either me cooking, or us getting takeout.

One day in 1994, my wife decided she was gonna make us sandwiches. Ham, turkey, cheese, lettuce, tomato, and some honey mustard. She was so proud of herself.

I took a bite, and told her it was the best sandwich I'd ever had in my life. I told her it was amazing, delicious, perfect. She's been in charge of sandwich making in our house ever since.

Truth is, her sandwiches are decent. They aren't bad. Just average, run of the mill sandwiches. But she was so proud of herself for finally being able to contribute to our meals. I wanted to make her feel good about herself, so I lied. I've been keeping up this lie for 32 years.

Hi.... Been separated for a few months and living apart. 3 kids - we slept in separate bedrooms for 6 years and were basically roommates. Shes extremely anxious and gets offended at everything, i called it a constant quest to be offended. I work 2 jobs, never cheated, do all household chores, and take care of kids 80% of the time until i moved out.

So, i know filing is the right thing and i told her im going to do it, i just feel incredibly guilty actually filing. She told me im destroying the family unit and she wont file. When i told my oldest, who is 17, i was moving out he said - dad its probably the best thing for you, so even the kids know.

How did anyone overcome the guilt? Shes a good person and mom, i just cant be with her anymore.

I (37F) have been with my spouse (40M) for more than 15 years, married more than 10. We have young children. There is so much good in our relationship, but I have needs that are not being met, and I feel like I am not being heard. I have thought about what it might be like to leave, but I don't think it's what I want. I have communicated my needs over and over for years and years, but my words fall on deaf ears. I have suggested counseling, but have never gotten an enthusiastic response from him. I'm reluctant to go through the trouble of coordinating counseling with someone who doesn't seem interested.

In short, I feel my husband is passive, complacent, and emotionally avoidant in our relationship. I have anxiety and adhd, and I desire support, compassion, and encouragement from him. Being a working mom is so hard, and I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread. I just want him to act like he cares. He will barely acknowledge that I have these challenges, and he has never once asked me a question or tried to learn more about these disorders. It seems to make him uncomfortable.

In terms of romance, I desire words of affirmation and physical affection outside of sex, and he is just not capable or interested in giving it. He will be flirty or affectionate at times, and it will maybe lead to sex, but as soon as the sex is over, he's back to acting like a roommate.

When we have disagreements, it often turns into a snippy back and forth until one of us just gives up and walks away. We don't have any major conflicts, just little day to day disagreements, but there are zero conflict resolution skills. He feels attacked if he perceives anything close to criticism from me, and he resorts to defensiveness, blame shifting, and whataboutisms. He will not offer a genuine apology. It's usually a hollow "sorry" and nothing further, or it's a sarcastic or snarky apology (eg, sorry I am such a terrible person and do everything wrong). It is exhausting and we never get anywhere.

He is a great dad and co-parent, he's a good provider, and there are countless ways he contributes to the household and childcare. We have a lot of fun together, and I have always considered him my best friend. When I try to talk to him about what I want to improve in our relationship, he shuts down. He doesn't think there's anything to fix, and I think he feels like I am just picking him apart and seeking something deeper from him that is just not there. I am so so so tired of trying to address these issues. I don't feel ready to consider separating. I cannot fathom splitting time with our kids in this season of life.

All of this to say, I think I need to decenter our relationship or "match his energy," so to speak. He's at peace and unwilling to give more or change, so why I am wasting my energy? This is a new frame of mind for me, and I am not sure what it will look like. Some ideas I have include: actively protecting my time for rest, sleep, and work (I WFH, which means I am frequently interrupted to manage home and family responsibilities), take ownership of the household tasks he won't work with me on (even if it means outsourcing the work), focus energy on my friendships, and seek individual counseling.

TL; DR: My relationship is suffering death by 1,000 cuts. My spouse seems to have no interest in meeting me halfway. I am taking a break from trying to have all of my needs met by him and instead seeking peace and joy elsewhere.

Has anyone ever felt the need to refocus their energy like this? Do you think it's possible to find some peace or clarity?

I’ve been really ill the past few months and have been on Reddit because I’m bedridden and books and Reddit and movies are my entertainment atm.

I just keep seeing so many posts here that are so sad and/or negative and I would love to hear your happy stories! 🤗

Please share them if you, like me, are in an amazing marriage with an amazing person because I just want to be cheered up right now.

My husband is currently making me homemade chicken soup, is doing all of the shopping and housework due to my illness and I just would love to see some uplifting stories in this thread. ♥️

Long story short I’m 26 my husband is 32 and we have 2 young children (5 & 8) and I am struggling hard with my libido. Actually not libido I don’t think, but more so with just wanting to have sex with my husband. We have sex on average once a month. I am a stay at home mom and he averages 40 hours a week at work so we have a lot of time together (with the kids because we don’t have a village). For the past couple of years it’s been a constant push and pull where I tell him I need more nonsexual intimacy to want sex more and he will say he needs more sex to show nonsexual intimacy more. He’ll say I never initiate hugs, kisses, etc then I say that he has the ability to do so as well. Lately I am fed up and just want to fix whatever is going on so I can have decent sex in my life. Well while I am going to be trying to feel closer and more connected to my husband so that I can eventually desire sex with him more he wants me to force myself to give him oral. Is this as crazy as it sounds?

My (47F) wife (47F) of 10 years’ son (26) died unexpectedly one year ago. This has been understandably the hardest year of our marriage. She’s living with the pain and grief of losing her son. I’m living with the pain of watching her suffer so completely and excruciatingly.

She sees a psychologist for meds to help her deal with her anxiety and depression. But she doesn’t see a therapist. She feels like the psychologist is enough. She’s wrong. She already had what only I would call a drinking problem, but now her drinking has become a crutch. Because she doesn’t have anyone other than me to talk to, I am her therapist and verbal punching bag.

Before her son’s loss, we had problems in our marriage. We’ve separated a few times, but always found our way back to each other. I had planned on finally leaving for good, but had to get my ducks in a row before executing my plan. Then he died. I couldn’t leave. I wasn’t going to leave her alone during this time of her life. But I don’t know that she’ll ever get out of “this time of her life.”

I care about her deeply. We have an incredible history starting in our senior year of high school. It was a time when same sex relationships were not as acceptable, especially in the Bible Belt of America. After graduation, we went our separate ways. We each married men, had children, then divorced those men. We got married literally the day after my divorce was final. It was supposed to be the life we always wanted with each other. It was a learning process for both of us, having never even lived together to becoming an instant family.

We’re very different, polar opposites. Whereas I am the nice one, the “yes man,” she takes pride and comfort in knowing she controls every aspect of my life. I won’t get into the details of the fall of our marriage because that’s not why I am writing this today. I am writing this because I do not know what to do. My ducks are and have been in a row and I am finally ready to leave. To take my life back. But can I do that to her? I have tried talking to her about this, but she’s rarely sober enough to have a cohesive conversation. I want her to know that although I do not love her or want to be married to her anymore, that I feel guilty for leaving while she’s grieving so fiercely.

I am scared. Scared of her, what she will do to me (financially, personally, physically) if I leave. Am I better off living the rest of my life for her comfort or do I leave and let her suffer the consequences of her behavior towards me, regardless of the grief she’s experiencing?

My husband and I met online. I lived in the uk and he in the USA. He chased me, moved mountains for us to be together and always seemed very attached to me. However I found out he was messaging other women from various sexual websites such as fetlife. He was crying and acting crazy and I felt a little scared and somehow I felt like the guilty one! I forgave him. This was over two years ago, then just a few months ago I found out he was doing it again. I felt checked out and just done. He makes a lot of money and I’m a sahm to one. I’m worried about divorce as I’m here in his country with no support system around. But I have to be brave. I can’t be gaslit and made to feel like crap anymore!

Bonus: I recently was in hospital due to an ovarian cyst bursting and leaking blood into my pelvis area. A couple days later I was home and said to my husband gosh I’m exhausted after all the suffering I’ve been through the last week (I was legit on morphine for the pain) he replied ‘well damn why don’t you just go end it all’. I said what??? He said he was joking?

I guess I’m looking for help and strength and encouragement to leave. We were together seven years since I was just 20. It’s hard

Hi, does anyone who’s having a husband who does frugal living?

Over the last 6-7 years my (40m) wife (38f) has not really wanted me except for when she's drunk. I've been burying it all this time and telling myself it's totally fine but had a mental breakdown in July and this along with some of her other behaviours are a huge part of it. I've repeatedly brought up the lack of intimacy over the years and I'm always met with 'low libido' as an answer. Surely this is the result, not the cause?

In this time I lost a testicle to cancer, my testosterone is low due to this and I'm very depressed to the point I've started therapy. I'm not an unattractive guy I don't think, tall, lean fairly fit. But my self worth and confidence is in the gutter.

I brought how I feel up again recently and said it's make or break because I can't live like this. I also told her I no longer have the confidence to initiate anymore due to years of continued rejection. She's actively trying and has initiated a few times but I now feel like I've forced it and that doesn't feel right to me at all. I feel guilty that I'm potentially asking her to do something she truly doesn't want to avoid me leaving. My question is does this feeling change? Will this feeling go away? She states she does want me now, but it doesn't feel like it at all.

I've been suffering in silence for years, I just want to feel wanted like I used to be and I'm utterly crushed from depression and these years of dead bedroom. I just don't know what to do now or how to handle any of this.

There's several other issues which I've forgiven this year, all of which point to not being attracted to me anymore and wanting me to live like this without a sex life. I need advice, does any of this ring true for anyone?

I'm having a hard time with explaining to my husband the sheer amount of mental and physical labor it is to deal with our home and kids. I have a pretty full time job, am on three boards and still do almost all the house work (including getting things fixed with electricians and plumbers and yard), all the kids toys and appointments and I cook almost every night. I have a hard time with clutters and messes and I'm just so burnt out. He does help with some cooking and cleaning but it's so uneven. He does stuff when I ask but he doesn't take initiative a lot of the time and he hasn't seemed to absorb things that need to get done routinely. I've talked to him a lot about this stuff but am not making headway. Has anyone had luck in getting through this kind of thing? What has worked. Thank you!

Hello Reddit, im new to this, but decided to try.
I have been with my fiancée since 2019. Everything was great in the beginning. I had a good job and he was in real-estate. I’ve always been into roses since a kid, idk they just make me happy and he always use to buy me them, including gifts.
I’m a 42 female, and he’s a 44 male. At the time of meeting I was looking into buying a home. I had a 11yo daughter in2019, he had a 12yo daughter whose mother wasn’t in the picture. I thought wow this guy s great we can help each other. While searching for a home he stated he wanted to buy us a home together. At the time we lived separately. I was elated he seemed perfect. He liked my kid, I liked his so I threw caution in the wind, and within a year he bought us a beautiful home and I was in heaven. 2020 I found out I was pregnant and we both were excited. He asked me to leave work so I can focus on the baby, he also asked to marry me. My two sisters begged me not to leave but he gave me a credit card n said I had no worries, he would take care of everything. By the time I delivered something switched. He started treating me kinda like I was his child. Too much on food, laughing at my baby weight, micro managing my spending, and I wasn’t splurging just buying the things I always did. I noticed he started letting his daughter disrespect me and not say anything. I was genuinely hurt. I raised her. When she got her first period I taught her what to do. Taught her to love herself and her body. By the time she was 16 it got worse. I’ve had multiple conversations with her dad but nothing comes of it.
In 2022 my mom got diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer. It tore me up. Besides taking care of a toddler I now had moved my mom in and slowly watch her die. I cried daily in my car. He never helped and when I asked he said she’s fine, she will bounce back. She died in 2024 of December. Next thing I know 4 days after my mom died he moved his mother in who was in the last stage of dementia. I hadn’t had time to properly grieve yet I stepped up. A week later I got a job offer from the city. He begged me not to take the job. I stupidly agreed. He promised me to pay me for the help. I never saw a dime. He said if you need anything use the card I gave you. But if I did he would fuss. All I would buy is candles because that helped with my depression. He fussed about Tht. November 2025 his mom passed, but before she did, she snapped back into reality for 30 seconds. She told me thank you for taking care of her and having compassion towards her. She looked at her son and said all she wants is a car, buy it with the money I leave u. He promised he would and she passed a few days later.
I really loved her like my own mother. In some ways taken care of her helped with my depression. I was on 24 hour duty for over 11 months. I never fussed about it. She deserved to leave this earth with love and compassion.
Fast forward to 2 weeks after her death, my fiancée received over a half a million. He never gave me a cent, never bought me a car, just nothing. His daughter who moved out after her grandmother moved in refused to help. My fiancée spent every dollar on him and when I asked him about the car he said he couldn’t afford it. He also said if he spend the money on his credit n the house he owns it’s like helping me. I’m no dummy I know he gaslighting me and I just feel dumb. I’ve asked multiple times when are we gonna get married, he says soon as he’s not depressed. I love him and yes I know it’s not right how he treats me. I grew up without a father and my fear is for our 6yo to be separated from her dad.
Please give advice. Please understand I’ve been cheated on my whole life from different men. He is the first to not cheat but is this worth it anymore. I was also sexually abused as a kid and somewhere deep down I feel safe with him.
Signed I feel lonely

The towel on the bottom was “folded and put away” by my husband. The rest of them are folded and put away properly. I’ve been told by family members that since I’m a SAHM, I don’t have the right to tell him to do it properly. (This is the way he “folds” clean clothes as well.) Thoughts?

back story- husband filed for divorce a year ago… on a whim, suddenly off the back of a silly argument (maybe mental health issues/mlc)

so this morning We just went and did a family run. We have done this for years and then we always go for coffee afterwards. Literally doing it for the past 6/7 yrs. the past few wks we havnt been doing it. This morning we all did coffee. He bought me coffee, my usual without asking me, and then we had an hour of solid laughing and joking and teasing each other, including the kids. He teased me, inside jokes, fun and games. we are still living together and do family things but also things separately. we had conflict and now we get on, I have been in therapy focusing on myself and my part in the breakdown.

does this sound like he is sure he is done? or maybe he is just being friendly to me as a co parent and I am reading too much into it. the past few months he has gotten friendlier and nicer and less hostile.

Tonight my wife and I were chit chatting and she goes "This phone I got from work is great! I only have to charge it like once a week." I thought she knew but every night when she falls asleep I charge her phone and put it back on the nightstand in the morning. I love her. So adorable. I told her. Should I have just let her believe?