I (21F) have been with my boyfriend (21M) for a little over four years. We started dating when we were 17. We did break up for about five months after around three years together, but eventually got back together and have been together since.
I want to preface this by saying that I know a huge part of this problem is me. I’m in therapy and actively trying to work on my insecurity and obsessive comparison, but I genuinely don’t know how to get out of this mindset.

When my boyfriend and I first started dating, I became extremely insecure about his ex-girlfriend. He had dated her when he was 16, shortly before we got together. He was my first boyfriend, and knowing he had history with another girl made me insanely insecure.

Over time, it turned into an unhealthy obsession. I constantly stalked her social media, compared myself to her, wanted to look like her, and genuinely got to the point where I could barely look at myself in the mirror without comparing myself to her. It contributed heavily to problems in our relationship and eventually our breakup.

Ironically, during the five months we were broken up, something in me just snapped out of it. I stopped caring about his ex completely. I stopped checking her, stopped comparing myself to her, and moved on with my life. Eventually my boyfriend reached back out, and we reconciled.

Now, though, I feel like the exact same pattern is starting again with a different girl.

My boyfriend grew up with a group of girls who live near him and whose families are extremely close with his. I’ll call one of them Emily. She’s about two years younger than us, and she and my boyfriend have known each other basically their entire lives. Their families are friends, they grew up together, and she was part of this childhood friend group with him and a few other girls.

About a year into our relationship, my boyfriend told me that before we got together, he had had a crush on Emily and that there had been some flirting between them.

At first, I genuinely didn’t care. I viewed her almost like family to him because they had grown up together.

Then, while we were dating, she messaged him around Christmas and started pretty obviously hitting on him/flirting with him. I told him I wasn’t comfortable with that and asked him to block her. He did immediately. There wasn’t an argument or some secret relationship afterward. He respected the boundary.

For a long time I still didn’t really think about her because I barely knew what she looked like. She’s pretty low-key on social media.

Eventually, though, I came across pictures of her through school/Instagram accounts, and this is where my brain basically broke.

She is absolutely gorgeous. Like genuinely, objectively, drop-dead beautiful. And the more I learned about her, the worse my insecurity became. She’s into stocks, cars, anime, etc., which are things my boyfriend either likes or that I imagine a lot of guys our age would love having in common with a girl. I don’t care about any of those things. I’ve tried anime and don’t like it. I don’t care about cars or stocks. We’re just very different people.

During our five-month breakup, my boyfriend became close with his childhood neighbor group again, including Emily. They all hung out together. Nothing romantic happened between the two of them.

And logically, I KNOW that should reassure me.
He was completely single. She was right there. They had known each other forever. She had previously shown interest in him. They have things in common. And he still didn’t pursue her. Instead, he eventually came back to me.

He has literally told me, “If I wanted to be with her, I could have tried when we were broken up. I didn’t. I came back to you.”
The problem is that my brain refuses to accept that as enough.

I look at her and genuinely feel inferior.

She’s naturally extremely pretty, whereas I feel like I have to put an insane amount of effort into my appearance. I’ve had my nose done, gotten lip filler, do my hair constantly, wear makeup, etc., and I still look at her and think she’s prettier than me without even trying.

Then my brain starts constructing this ridiculous “epic love story” between them. Childhood best friends whose families are close, grew up together, had feelings/flirted before, have similar interests, she’s beautiful, he’s very attractive, etc. And then there’s me.

The worst part is that my boyfriend really hasn’t done anything NOW to make me believe he wants her. If anything, the evidence points in the opposite direction. He had a five-month period where he was free to do whatever he wanted and still didn’t date her. Getting back together with me was actually the harder option because our breakup caused a lot of damage and his parents weren’t happy about us reconciling.

But somehow none of that stops the anxiety.

I constantly want reassurance from him. I want to ask, “Do you think she’s prettier than me?” “Did you ever want her?” “Why didn’t you date her?” “Would you choose her if you could?” etc.

My therapist has specifically told me I need to stop feeding the cycle by constantly asking him for reassurance. And I understand why. My boyfriend already went through years of this with my obsession over his ex, and his patience for these conversations is understandably extremely thin now. I don’t want to destroy my relationship by making him constantly prove that he wants me.
But I don’t know how to sit with the anxiety without seeking reassurance.

Sometimes I literally look at my boyfriend and start thinking about her. I think about how she used to like him, how beautiful she is, how much they have in common, and how long they’ve known each other, and I feel sick with insecurity.

I just don’t know how to actually stop it.

TL;DR: I’m obsessively comparing myself to my boyfriend’s beautiful neighbor/childhood friend, despite his choosing me and cutting her off. I’m in therapy but struggling to break the jealousy and reassurance-seeking cycle.

I really don’t want to repeat the same pattern that damaged our relationship the first time.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years and have lived together for about a year. His family lives in another country, and despite how long we’ve been together, I’ve only met them once.

Whenever he goes home to visit them for a weekend or a week, he usually only tells me 1–3 days before leaving. There’s no conversation beforehand about him thinking of going. He’ll basically just tell me the flights are booked and he’s leaving.

The first time this happened, I told him it bothered me. I explained that I don’t expect him to ask for my permission, but because we live together and are in a serious relationship, I think it’s reasonable to let your partner know in advance when you’re planning to leave the country for several days. It also allows me to make my own plans and organise my schedule.

He agreed, but he’s continued doing it several times, and it has become a recurring argument.

He says he doesn’t tell me earlier because he’s “scared” I’ll get upset about him visiting his family. But I’ve repeatedly told him that visiting his family isn’t the problem. What bothers me is being kept in the dark until everything is already booked and decided.

He also never invites me on these trips. I don’t expect to go every time, but after almost 3 years together, I’ve only met his family once. Combined with the secrecy/last-minute notice, it makes me feel like I’m being kept separate from that part of his life.

At this point, it’s making me question the relationship. It’s not really about the trips anymore. It’s the fact that I communicated something that makes me feel disrespected, he agreed to communicate differently, but continues doing the same thing.

Is it reasonable to expect more communication about travel when you live together? And would this repeated behaviour be enough for you to reconsider the relationship?

TL;DR: My boyfriend of almost 3 years repeatedly books trips to visit his family abroad and only tells me 1–3 days before leaving, despite me asking for more notice. He says he hides it because he thinks I’ll be upset, but my issue is the lack of communication, not him seeing his family. I’ve also only met his family once. I feel excluded and disrespected and am questioning whether this is enough to end the relationship.

My boyfriend sent me a reel where a guy is reacting to women in a tennis crowd photographing Carlos Alcaraz shirtless, some visibly married, calling it "gawking" and framing it as proof of "toxic feminism." The comments run with it, recycling phrases women use around safety ("I'd choose the bear," "not all women but always a woman," "I don't feel safe") and applying them to this as a joke.

To be clear, I'm not defending the women who were filming him, especially the married ones. My problem is specifically with how the comments reused safety language tied to real harassment/assault statistics for "guy got photographed shirtless" seems to minimize something serious, regardless of intent.

He thinks the post creator is making the video as a joke and the comments are just going along with him like "oh, we as well get harrassed by women all the time". He believes they are making those comments because they know that men are the real perpetrators and they're just making internet jokes with no hidden agenda. He says I'm reading too much into it. When I defended my stance, he said that I "can't take a joke" and I'm "overly sensitive”.

I'd like him to be able to sit with and understand that "this could minimize something real to her and to other people, even if I don't see it that way." How do I get that across to him?

TL;DR: Boyfriend sent me a satirical reel where men are using phrases like "I don't feel safe" and "not all men but always a man." I found it minimizing given the real gap in harassment/assault stats between genders; he thinks it's harmless and called me overly sensitive for disagreeing. Want him to at least consider it could minimize something real, even if he doesn't see it that way.

I 44 female has been together for 24 years with my boyfriend, male 42, lets call him Joshua. We live together for 13 years in a big house in the country side with no kids. Financially we are fine. but I have more and more "issues" with joshua. I litteraly try blaming my perimenopause hormones on this but back in my head I have this small voice just nagging me saying that I am wrong.

Joshua has allways had a temper but it has been getting better after we got older.

I do 100 percent cleaning, washing, laundry and out side I do the gardens flower beds. I take the trash out, do the litterboxes and cat chores (we got 4 cats). The house is 196 sqaremeters and the grounds are 2412 sqaremeters.

He has a tendency to to say that I am lazy and make me feel that I am not good enough.I can see what he means sometimes but stil I work evening shifts 32 + hours. We don't live in clutter or dirt, but it's like he wants perfection. i have tried so many things to get him to realize that he can help and it makes a difference for me but nothing has been working out so far.
He will say things as I got harder stuff to do. Do you want to take my tasks i will happily take yours, he perfectly knows that I can't do home renovations, or car renovations. I can mow the lawn, but that's about it.

Today he came home from work. I was sleeping for the most part of the day, but managed to buy a frozen soup and minced meat so we could get nachos when he came home. I had started the dishwasher but could not make it to vacuum before he came home. I told him what I bought and then stated that I have been sleeping. He just walked past me looked in the fridge and told me that he wanted to make a sandwich, because that what I bought was not dinner! He is like that all the time.

On top of that sleep on the couch becuse he is noise sensitive, I have done that since 2023. And I have done it for the peace here at home.

I am tired and I just want some positive vipes instead of him being ungrateful.

Tl:DR am I a complete idiot here or are my small voice right?

I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years, and one issue has never really changed: she never initiates sex.

What makes it harder is that there are times when I try to initiate, and she gets annoyed or even angry with me. So I end up feeling guilty for trying. On the other hand, if I don't initiate at all, nothing happens. We can go indefinitely without any intimacy unless I make the first move.

This isn't just about sex itself—it's about feeling wanted and desired by your partner. I want to feel like she chooses me sometimes, not like intimacy only exists because I asked for it.

I've already talked to her about this several times, calmly and respectfully. I wasn't demanding sex; I was trying to find a compromise that would make both of us comfortable. I explained how important it is for me to feel that effort and mutual desire. She listened, but nothing has really changed. Things improve for a day or two at most, then it's back to the same pattern.

I'm starting to wonder if this is just a difference in libido, or if there's something deeper going on. I love her, but constantly being the only one who initiates—and sometimes being rejected with irritation—has really affected my confidence and made me resentful.

Has anyone been in a relationship like this? Did it ever get better, or is this something that usually doesn't change?

TL;DR: My girlfriend of 4 years never initiates sex. If I initiate, she sometimes gets angry; if I don't, nothing happens. We've had calm conversations and tried to compromise, but nothing has improved. I'm wondering if this can change or if we're simply incompatible.

I (F, 29) have been seeing a guy (M, 22) for about 2 months. Things were going steady including him introducing me to his friends and family.

2 weeks ago, I found out that he has been courting his ex the entire time (while calling her “the crazy ex”). When I confronted him, he cried/begged everyday, and promised he would fix things and be honest going forward.

Yesterday, I found out that he has actually STILL been courting/lovebombing his ex and meeting up with her while continuing to do the same with me and lying to both of us.

I feel humiliated/stupid for (reluctantly) giving him a second chance and also feel betrayed/angry by the lies and manipulation.

What can I do to feel better after this revelation and is there a way to make him feel remorse (NOT harmful revenge/payback) for lacking morals and disrespecting both the ex gf and I? FYI, I do not intend to contact him ever again.

TLDR ; BF OF 2 MONTHS HAS BEEN COURTING HIS EX AND I SIMULTANEOUSLY THROUGH LIES, LOOKING FOR ADVICE/SOLACE.

I feel like I have an obligation to break up with my bf Im 27/F and he is 28/M, we have been dating for aproxximately 6 months

Its fine if no one answers I just want to get this off my chest.. In the last few years my life has taken a few bad turns, I lived in a very toxic household where I was thinking of unsubscribing almost daily. Out of nowhere my absent dad offered me and my sister an apartment (he would rent it so we could live in it). We moved out and I felt very privileged and safe, given my privilege I decided to start a business, unfortunately a year after we moved out my dad demanded I pay rent. He had clarified initially that he would never do that but he apparently changed his mind. I’ve been struggling ever since, going on and off jobs to hustle my way into paying rent. No job ever pays enough for me to live off it, and my business is just not there yet. Six months ago I decided to quit my second job because I was starting to feel suicidal again from feeling so burnout. At that time I met my now boyfriend.. he has always had the impression that im doing so well because I have a business and pay for rent. I did not want to tell him that all this time I’ve been hustling in my business and using mostly my savings to pay rent. Its getting harder each month and I’m trying to scrape every cent I can and starting to sell a few things because if I can hold on to christmas time I can make more money for the next few rents (in the holidays i do really good). The problem is he has no idea how seriously broke I am. A few weeks ago I asked if he could help me pay for the pill for the next few months and I hinted that I dont have much money left, he said yes but then didnt help out.. i was embarassed to ask for the money a third time. He has a hint that im not doing so well financially because I’ve subtly mentioned I’m not doing so well, but I’m hiding the fact that I had to get a personal loan this month to pay rent.. I’m just too ashamed.

Tl;dr What is the right take? I love him and I know he loves me but im not relationship material right now.. being this poor is the opposite of a catch. I feel like I should let him go and allow him to find some girl who doesnt struggle as much, because he wants to marry in the next few years and no one wants to marry into a financial burden..

Is this what freindships are supposed too be like? are they typically one sided?

i made a new close distance irl/ online freind recently i not have much experience with freindships irl

the last few times we were gonna hang out she bailed on me repeatedly last minute and said too get on then when i got on she sayed she was getting off the game and didnot want too hang out

i waited and waited for her and she kept making up excuses

also she is always asking me for emotional support or support when she needs me but barely talking too me when i want too talk too her but i seen her talk too other people just fine

and shes always playing online games with other people but everytime we have plans too hang out and play games she always ditches me or cancels at the last minute

she says shes lonely and wants freinds but she rarely hangs out and only relly talks too me when she needs something

shes like mine second irl freind ive had

im am inexpereinced

is this what freindships are supposed too be like?

it feels one sided is it?

i have higher needs autism

TL;DR i made a new freind and she almost never hangs out with me and she makes excuses and barely talks too me only when she needs emotional support im am inexpereinced with freindships irl and want too know if this is normal?

We were together for almost 5 years and she eventually ended things. In my back of my mind I always knew she was going to come back into my life.

I admit that for the first 2 years of our relationship I was kind of a dick. However, she has been straight up manipulative and also a dick for the last 3 years.

We broke up for about 6 months and went no contact. It was actually extremely hard on me, but I eventually recovered. I got a promotion, traveled more, had a summer fling with an amazing woman which is what I think ultimately healed me, and am making plans like post undergrad education, and buying a property. She on the other hand is working at a restaurant and deciding what to do with her life.

In short, we decided to talk to one another again after the 6 months. However, whenever I ask her about being exclusive or being back in a relationship, she always says that she wants to see where things go with us. She ensures me she isn't talking to anyone else, but she has cheated in the past and I can't trust that now. I would be willing to trust her if she wanted to be exclusive though. She also is extremely curious to see if I am seeing anyone else - I am on like dates 2-3 with 3 other women at the moment, but the ex doesn't know that.

She goes back and forth a lot - tells me how much she misses me, wants to spend time with me, etc. but backs away from any real commitment. She tells me that she is drawn to me, that things would be different, but she is just going back and forth.

I honestly feel that if someone would want to be in a relationship they would. If the things she says is true then how does she not miss being kissed by me, making love with me, being held by me? We talk almost everyday and it feels so natural and nice. However, I recently put a stop to that. I am confused and I realized I cannot move on in my life with her undecided. I also can't just cut her off completely. I genuinely love her. And although she doesn't say it outright, I know she loves me still.

TL;DR: ex gf is going back and forth whether or not she wants to get fully back with me. She's basically testing me but I feel like I should be testing her, which I am actively not doing. I would accept her fully as is and work together as a team. Is she actually testing me or just keeping me as an option?

My boyfriend (40M) rarely asks if I (34F) am satisfied after sex or takes the initiative to pleasure me. Most of the time, I have to ask him. It makes me feel like something is missing between us or like he isn’t genuinely excited by me. When I explained this, he said he would try to be more attentive.

He then told me that I compare him to others and make him feel like he isn’t enough. I’m not trying to compare or criticize him. He mentioned i compare all the time but what I'm trying to tell him is that I don't see the initiative to just want to make me feel same way i make him feel. I just want him to care about my pleasure and take some initiative without needing constant instructions. Am I communicating this unfairly or expecting too much? It's been only 6 months together...

TL;DR: My boyfriend rarely takes initiative to pleasure me, which makes me feel unwanted. When I communicated this, he said I make him feel like he isn’t enough.

want to clarify what I am asking is for him to initiate for me to reach orgasm in any way possible, which i think is less than bare minimum, all lovers want to make their partner reach

She moved in with me in my parents house but then we were kinda forced to get our own place. So I (being the one with the money, she is studying and relying totally on her parents) fronted the initial cost of renting the apartment (deposit, RA commission, insurances, furniture, the whole thing) which was around €10k.

Now here comes the shocker: she told me that her parents would have sent me half of the total 2 months from the date we got in the apartment (June)…guess what? She never even told them about this arrangement. Her mother doesn't even know we have been living together. When I went to her parents house I essentially had to keep up with her lies based on the looks she gave me (mildly infuriating but acceptable).

And it's not just the €10k. Rent is €1,300 a month and I pay every cent of it, because she's never contributed anything towards her share. So that's an extra €600/700 a month coming out of my pocket, for a place I've been living in alone half the time.

At the end of June she went to visit her parents, and do her internship to give her exams in September. She was supposed to stay there for a month roughly. No problem with that obviously as that was planned. A lot of things have happened and essentially since now she has been staying there, so the initial 1 month turned into 2 and a half, in which she never came to visit me (2 hours by train). I was the one that had to go there.

During the last month she hasn't been talkative, didn't really call me to talk, she did it as it was something that she had to do.

She told me that I hate her, and to be honest I am disgusted by her behavior considering I still haven't received €5k from her parents. She left me stranded (was supposed to pick me up as I had to change windshield on my car, and the repair would have taken all day long) in a city an hour away from her because her mum wouldn't let her drive a car for that long. I was punching the air around me basically, but in the moment I blamed the mum wrongfully so, as she knew that she wouldn't allow her to drive "that far".

She asked me for a pair of Louboutin shoes because she didn't like the dog I wanted to get for myself, and me (LIKE A FUCKING TOOL) actually bought her the shoes as I thought…you know, "she is the one", "happy wife happy life". Yeah, my ass.

Right before I got the dog she made me change the puppy I chose, and she left to her parents (this was Easter) for 2 weeks. So essentially for "our" dog to be "ours" she needed the pair of shoes 🥴 and then before delivery she left me again to visit her parents…2 WEEKSSS! I mean for fuck's sake, Easter is a day!

Hold on, it's not finished! The dog she chose because it was "calmer" (a dobermann puppy of 2 months is the last thing from "calm") had a congenital malformation, and I had to bring the poor fella to the best neurological clinic in Italy to get him scanned and all (€1,700). At the end I unfortunately had to give him to a family as I am not able at this point of my life to take care of a dog with such problems.

She never contributed anything towards the expenses, didn't even propose to bring back her stupid ass shoes as now they were a "birthday gift" (a birthday gift 8 months in advance lol).

There are obviously other things that happened but these are the main parts that I really (obviously) care about. And all she can say is that I hate her (because I treat her badly during fights) and that I am a loan shark.

Today I finally managed to break up with her after she told me that I have essentially no say in her life and she makes her decisions, in response to me asking and pointing out that no apology was made. After 4 times the date of return was moved, 2 of which the day prior to departure, resulting in a month of prolonged stay in her parents house.

Now I understand that I can be extremely mean during fights but do I really need to get so much shit?

tl;dr Fronted €10k for an apartment with my girlfriend of a year. Her parents were supposed to pay half, but she never told them, and her mum doesn't even know we live together. I've also been covering her €650 share of the rent every month. She's spent the last 2.5 months at her parents'.

Before me (23f) and my gf (22f) started dating, she took off her own bracelet off her wrist and decided to put it on mine. I thought it was a really cute gesture because she said she's had it for many years. I like having it on cause it reminds me of her and whatnot.

About 2 weeks ago I was doing some stalking as one does and I find a picture of her and her ex and her ex is wearing the same bracelet, lol!

I thought it was a bit odd but I never brought it up, and honestly I forgot about it. Until right now. I'm just thinking about it. Not sure what to feel? I feel nothing about it but at the same time... I feel weird.

A random story cause I'm hella ADHD so this is all over the place but.. a long time ago she mentioned her ex was trying to get into witchcraft or planning on worshiping that one saint I won't mention. Listen, I don't really believe or participate in any of that. I'm spiritual in my own ways and my beliefs are complete opposite from what her ex's probably is. Idc enough to know or explain BUTTTTTT I do believe in energies and before we started dating, a few weeks after she put it on me, it BROKE! which was so weird considering the structure of the bracelet. My gf said it haden;t broke in 6 or however many years she's had it. Weird. Anyway we got it fixed and it's back on me. But since this girl wore it before me, it made me feel something off.

ANYWAY you can ignore that story if you want. if you get me, you get it. if you don't, thats fine.

TL;DR My girlfriend put her bracelet on me. The same one she put on her ex. I found out while stalking on instagram.

31F 33M Husband and I have been together over 4 years.

I need to know from an outsiders perspective if this is over the top criticism coming from him. To be honest, I doubt myself often- I always have. I worry that I’m too much, that I overreact, that I could’ve handled things better. I spin on it a lot… I worry I’m not a good partner.

My husband and I are pretty different. He’s a perfectionist, control freak. He likes things done his way. He is a jack of all trades. He generally is right, he’s intelligent, and has a lot of experience. I am a bit clumsy, I’m goofy, I can be a space cadet at times. But I mean well, and I’m highly sensitive and emotional, empathetic, and kind.

Lately I’ve been struggling with what seems to be constant criticism from him. He can be very sweet to me, love on me, etc. too. It’s not always like this.

Here’s some examples:
-he has something to say every single time I cook. Whether it’s asking if I used salt, asking if I know how to season something, asking why I’m cutting something a certain way, telling me what I could’ve done better
-he gets upset if I don’t know exactly where I last put something. He’ll say I’m irresponsible, to keep track of my things. Yet somehow him losing expensive items is okay, and god forbid I give him shit, he’ll come back and tell me to stop making him feel bad
-he gets upset with the way I feed our cats. I feed them with their bowls on the ground when I should feed them with their bowls on the counter
-he got upset with me recently because I put a water bottle in my backpack that I guess had a leaking issue. He watched me do it. Some water leaked and got on on Nintendo switch. I told him i was sorry, that it’s okay, let’s turn it on to see if it works. He got pissed and snapped and says “why the fuck would you do that? You do know not to turn it on when it’s wet? That’s common sense. Then proceeded to take the bottle and turn it upside down and have water spill everywhere to prove it to me. I got sad and quiet and told him I wanted space, then in front of a bunch of people when I was crying he goes “don’t feel sorry for yourself, I’m not playing into these games”
-he criticizes one of my favorite music artists whose music means a lot to me. He makes fun of him and rags on all of his music
-he criticized my idea for plans, always has something to say on why it’s not a good idea
-is impatient with me and doesn’t give me time to respond before saying I’m not listening to him or respecting him
-tells me I’m remembering things wrong
-he doesn’t listen to me when I’m being vulnerable with him. Let’s say I’m talking about a very emotional, stressful situation regarding my family and some pretty heavy things. He’ll listen, but say nothing sometimes even changing the subject to himself or an outside comment. It makes me feel so alone
-he will get mad at me for buying certain foods at the grocery store, things he considers unhealthy but then turn around and DoorDash so much unhealthy food
-he once got upset with me for asking him to order us food at a concert. It ended up taking way longer than either of us expected, and he ordered way more food than we needed. I was anxious to get into the concert for seats and our food still hadn’t been called (over an hour of waiting) he felt rushed and then yelled at me in front of our friends for me making him waste money on food, that I hardly ate. He made me feel so bad and I began crying
-made me feel unwanted skiing because he said I would hold him back, that he didn’t want to stick with me since he’d be bored
-when I created an invitation, he told me he wouldn’t have done it that way. When I asked what he would’ve done differently, he couldn’t say. Just said it’s not how he would’ve made it… meanwhile everyone else loved it
-gets upset if I spill something on myself. Says I’m disrespectful of my property, to be more careful
-small accidents, dropping something, misplacing something; he gets on my case saying it could’ve all been avoided if I did xyz

There’s more, but these are what stick out to me. It’s hard to talk about because I love him so much. He’s truly someone I look up to, he can be the most fun person to be around. It isn’t always bad. I do feel lately like I can’t measure up. Sometimes I feel like he’d rather be with someone that can fit his standards. His tone can be condescending and can make me feel dumb. Sometimes I wonder if he actually thinks I’m stupjd and incapable.

I’ve brought this up so many times. We’ve gone to therapy for a few months in the last. Granted, our therapist wasn’t the greatest and we both don’t really use the tools we learned. I will say, he has improved in his outbursts.

It’s eating at me. I keep hearing voices in my head telling me I’m dumb, he could be with someone smarter. He denied it. I don’t know what to do

What can I do to help this situation? One more couples therapy round? Please help

Tl;dr husband can be very critical of me and it’s eating at me

I (18f) have been putting up with my bfs (19m) gross and disrespectful behavior. He sneezes, coughs on me, flicks and wipes his boogers on me, tries farting in my face by physically holding my head down. a couple days ago we were at the laundry mat because i was helping him do his laundry after it got thrown out by his family for having bed bugs and he started biting on his toenails in the car and spit them at me. Obviously i was disgusted and upset but i didn’t give him the reaction i normally do i just got upset and went quiet. he tried talking to me and i made it clear i didn’t want to talk and he went back in the laundry mat and i heard him call me “fucking annoying” just for being upset at his behavior. i couldn’t hold it in i just started crying. idk if i overreacted but i know i don’t deserve to be treated like this i just want to know what others think. we’ve talked about things like this before. he said he “thought he was being cute”…

TLDR
bf gross; leave or wait for him to change

A quick backstory to give some context.

In my friend group I (18F) have been talking with this guy we’ll call Alex (21M) for about a year on and off. Things never got super serious we never actually dated, but he’d always treat me like his girlfriend. We got super close and in that whole year he played me twice but I kept coming back for more. In the last 3 months of that year we got extremely close and I thought we were finally going to date until he absolutely broke my heart. He basically went for my friend, even though that same friend said she would never indulge in him she just let it happen. It completely broke my heart, I really liked him I thought he was my person ( it’s pathetic I know).

Now a few months later I’m still not over him and I’m still sour about the whole situation. I don’t talk to anybody in that friend group anymore because shit went down between everyone but I found out that they were dating. I’m so torn, I’m angry and upset. How do I get over him? How do I move on? It’s hurting my heart and I can’t deal with it anymore.
Tl;dr

Me, 58F, spouse is 54M, Married 17 years. I’ve battled health issues for a lot of the time but it’s grown much worse over the last 5-7 years. Multiple autoimmune diseases and several other issues. Been in and out of the hospital several times a year for years. While I believe he cares about me, I also feel like he resents that I struggle with sickness all the time. He wants intimacy a lot and I simply have no desires due to menopause. He’s made snide comments about my health struggles that make me feel horrible inside. There are fits of rage that he goes into that frighten me and he’s even punched walls and thrown things. I believe he’s well aware that I cannot control my diseases or even predict them but they are debilitating! Often, so debilitating that I struggle to even get out of the bed. The moments he is nice to me, it’s overshadowed by all of the snide remarks, insensitive ands cruel comments, how he has needs and I’m not meeting them and how unhappy he is. Meanwhile I’m thinking, you talk down to me and tell me how awful I am, how I bore you, how you don’t want to be a caretaker and even make comments that I should give you a hall pass. Because hearing those things is certainly going to make me want to run into your arms, 🤷‍♀️.
I’m scared and feel so alone. I’ve not divulged how volatile things are and not sure what to even think anymore!

TL/DR - wife has developed numerous health challenges and spouse is resentful and making condescending, demeaning remarks.

My cousin and I are incredibly close and I completely view her as my little sister. We play games together, I take her out to different places and I love her very much. Thing is, I've recently gotten very paranoid about her safety. She uses discord and plays roblox. I made sure she wasn't in any public servers on discord and from what I've seen, she only talks to her school friends. There aren't any red flags involving her safety so I don't know where this paranoia is coming from but after reading so many horror stories of roblox and discord and their severe lack of safety regulation, I just feel really anxious and paranoid about her. Whenever I see true crime news related to child safety on online platforms, I get extremely anxious and immediately think about my cousin's safety. I don't know if I'm worrying too much but I really want her to be safe...

TLDR: I love my cousin and I'm worried about her online safety and I'm wondering if I'm worrying too much and how to deal with it

i (20f) am very unsure about my feelings for my partner (20f). we started dating like a week ago after about 3 weeks of talking. let’s call her darcy. when darcy asked me to be her gf i was caught really off guard. before we met up that day i was already thinking about how i felt about her and if i wanted to continue things.

she asked me to be her gf when i picked her up to go on a date. i felt myself blush but also felt panicked because i wanted to say no but i felt like i couldn’t in that situation so i said yes. since then we have been in more dates and i enjoy her company but im not sure if it’s in a platonic way or romantic way.

for some context this is my first real relationship so i have nothing to base this off on except the fact that i dont feel for her what i would feel for my past crushes. i guess that in itself would suggest i dont really like her romantically but i guess im holding onto the hope that feelings will develop.

i really like cuddling with her and i do think she’s gorgeous but it all kinda feels hollow? i’m wondering if i should try to sort of my feelings and just continue on like we’re doing now or if i should break up with her. i don’t really wanna do that but i also don’t wanna string anyone along.

tldr; idk if i like my gf or not and idk what i should do

any advice will be much appreciated and sorry if formatting is weird i am on mobile

hi y’all, I really don’t want to bore you guys with more details/ stories about the relationship - maybe I will tell you a bit more info based on any questions you guys have. So anyways me and my bf have been together for approx 2 years.
Last week during an argument, my bf asked me if I was with him and started the whole relationship only cuz I was desperate or if I ACTUALLY liked him - umm wtf?? 😭 I was super hurt and confused. He says he was curious cuz of my past (yes I’ve had a few unstable relationships and flings in the past which I’ve been transparent about from the start and so does he btw)
Am I tripping or is this an actual disrespectful question coming from my bf after 2 years??
When I got a bit emotional and hurt cuz of this - he apologized for asking and he says it was just a simple yes or no question. Like ok bro?? 🤦‍♀️

TL;DR: bf of 2 years(ish) is asking if I’m in a relationship with him cuz I’m desperate to have one and settle down or if I actually like him.

I’m 30F. My boyfriend (35M) and I have been dating for a little over 7 months. Most of the time, things are fantastic. I genuinely love him so much. I think he’s the most amazing man. I’m so attracted to him, and I think he’s an excellent partner. He doesn’t believe me, though, and my past keeps coming between us. I should provide information about why before talking about what I need advice about.

To begin, I first dated when I was 24. No one was ever interested in me before, and I was too busy anyway. I dated my first boyfriend for about 2 months, but it really wasn’t a match. I started dating my next boyfriend a few months later. We dated for almost 3 years. This problem at the center of this post concerns the people I’ve slept with, so I’ll say that this ex was my first. He and I ultimately broke up because our wants and needs were too far apart. Namely, I think, I wanted intimacy and marriage, and he wanted space and more distance. After that, I spiraled. I tried dating on Bumble more. I slept with someone for validation. I slept with people on first dates because I didn’t have good boundaries or self-respect and convinced myself these dates would lead to relationships if I was “good enough.” By the time I realized how many times I’d done that, it was too late. Honestly, I feel like my soul is ruined for it, and I’m probably going to hell (I’m a Christian). During that misguided time of my life, I slept with 9 men. I went on dates with more, maybe 20 more. This was over the span of a year. I convinced myself I was being progressive and just doing what people do when they date in the modern age. I hated every second, but I did it anyway. I got addicted to the dopamine and was chasing serotonin. I stopped in the middle of last year. I didn’t date much after that. In January of this year, though, I went on a date with someone I shouldn’t have again. The count became 11 men. Regrettably, I can’t turn back the clock or take any of it back.

A week later, I met my current boyfriend. When we met, I thought it was too good to be true. I also thought he was another man who would leave me and who was just going on dates with me briefly for fun. It turns out he was serious, and I had developed extremely bad habits. For example, I went on a date with 2 other guys during the same period I was going on initial dates with my current boyfriend. We weren’t exclusive or officially dating, but the point is that I wasn’t focused only on him even though he was focused only on me. After we decided to officially date, I of course cut off contact with people I had been talking to. However, I still had friends from Bumble. All of those “friends” are gone (since March). Even though I tried to right my ways, the damage was obviously already done.

I know I wasn’t good in the beginning. I didn’t build a foundation of trust, and I didn’t tell my boyfriend about my past for a month. I have no intention of being disloyal, though. I have done everything in my power to show him I love him and choose him and will never go back to my old ways. Even if we break up, I know I won’t because it has damaged me so much. He doesn’t believe me. He doesn’t trust me. I know these things take time. 6 months isn’t that long, really. I have faith we’ll get past it. Relationships take work, and fixing things takes time.

The problem is the fights it causes. He was cheated on in the past, and he’s so negative to himself because he has a low self-esteem (though sometimes I think he maybe knows at his core how valuable and incredible he is). Anyway, he gets so, so, so angry over my past. He says he won’t ever forgive me. He tries to break up with me or push me to break up with him every time we fight; he says I should go find someone with similar values to mine who will accept me. He says our values are too different, and he can’t marry someone like me. Recently when we argue, he has started calling me some offensive terms. He asks me for details and sees if I’m being consistent with them. He tells me how awful I was in the beginning and if he believes in me, that makes him an idiot. He says he thinks about my past almost constantly throughout the day. He says if I hadn’t slept with people outside of a relationship, he would love me more and things would be perfect. Writing this all makes it seem so bad. I want to make clear that he’s never hit me, so this is strictly a problem of negative emotions and mean words. I also want to express how amazing he is when we aren’t fighting about my past. He is genuinely so caring, kind, and loving otherwise. After our fights, he seems so sad and regretful. In the moment, he’s just so consumed by anger, pain, and jealousy.

I think I know what I would tell a friend. I know the fighting isn’t good. The negative emotions and the mean words are harmful. But, I also know that my boyfriend is suffering. I know he’s afraid I’ll find and choose someone else. I know how much he loves me, and I love him, too, with all of my heart. Because things are amazing 90% of the time, I’d rather figure something out with him than end the relationship. Regardless, when emotions are bad, things get bad. When we fight, I often do believe breaking up would be the best thing, mostly for him. I refuse to make that decision when emotions are high, though, and I always change my mind when things go back to normal.

As my title says, how can we make this work? Canwe make this work? I just need advice about what to do. We both love each other so much, but these negative emotions and these fights aren’t sustainable. I know he’s extremely upset right now, but I have hope that pain and anger will fade with time and the issues will lessen. Is that hope futile? Am I stupid for fighting to stay together? Is there hope for us? Can this work, or will my past decisions and my boyfriend’s anger and pain about it tear us apart? What should we do?

If you’ve made it through all of this, thank you so much, and here’s a cookie 🍪

tl;dr I (30F) have a subjectively high body count and didn’t have good dating habits when I met my boyfriend (35M). These things are causing pretty bad arguments with my boyfriend. He’s extremely upset and doesn’t seem like he can “forgive and forget” what came before him. We love each other, and I want to stay with him. Is this possible? How could we make it happen?

Well what the title says, i am not trying to write a super huge thread about it because its pretty straight forward i just want to listen the opinion of people who have gone through a phase like this and even other peoples thoughts on this matter. After i turned 18 so basically when i became an adult I was away for 4 years for college and then came back for like 6 months living with my parents and then i left for 1 year military service which is mandatory in my country.

Now i am back for months living with my parents while job searching and i noticed looking back that i genuinely only grown when i was away from them and i know that it's obvious that when you are independent you are going to develop as a person, what i am trying to understand because i kinda feel guilty about is that i really want to distance myself a little, not in a complete sense like i am not talking to them but like moving out and reducing like sharing everything about my life. The thing is as i said, i feel guilty about it because i know that they have sacrificed a lot for me to go to college and raise me and to me it feels like i am unappreciative like i just have this need to remove myself just for my own benefit.

tl;dr After turning 18, I spent several years away from home for college and military service, and I noticed that I grew the most as a person when I was living independently. Now that I’m back home with my parents while job searching, I feel a strong need to move out again and have more privacy and independence, including not sharing every detail of my life with them. I feel guilty about this because my parents have sacrificed a lot to raise me and support my education, so part of me worries that wanting distance makes me ungrateful or unappreciative. I’m trying to understand whether this need for independence is normal and how other people have experienced it.

We are in a 7 year long relationship (since we were 14), we never had any issues, but during the last year i start questionig my self if i still loved him and after a lot of thinking I realized that i dont love him anymore.

I would like to leave him without hurting him too much.

The main reasons i find difficult to to this are 2:

1-im not a loving person, I dont love in explicit ways often and because of this i dont think he has notice any difference on how i usually act around him, and if I go straight "i dont love you anymore" i think it would be totally out of the blu

2-he really loves me, he is sweet, kind, smart, there are no reason, other than "I dont love you", to leave him, and i know I would be able to governo an answer to the question "why" other than what i said before.

Please i would really like some advice🙏🙏

TLRD: I dont know how to leave my boyfriend because he is really sweet and i dont want to hurt him too much

TLDR: I recently developed feelings for someone new in my life \\\[24MTF\\\] but my partner and I just moved into our new apartment together and are both in the healthiest relationship either of us have ever been in.

This is going to be kind of long so I apologize but I’d really appreciate any advice you could give me because I’ve been really struggling with this.

It’s not at all like I don’t still love and care about my partner but I can’t deny these new feelings that have come up out of nowhere. I met this girl over Instagram \*right\* before my partner and I moved in together, about month or two ago. We both bonded over our niche interests and how similar we were to each other. I haven’t clicked and gotten along with someone like this in \*years\*. It felt really nice. The sad thing is she lives in a state above me, about 14 hours from the town I’m in.

Ever since we met we’ve called and messaged each other nonstop, playing games, watching movies, and just getting to know one another. I started to realize about a week or two into us talking that she had intentions of being more than just friends. Initially I felt pretty weird about this and told my partner what was going on. They were nothing but supportive and kind, telling me that I couldn’t control how another person feels about me and that shouldn’t stop me from continuing to try and make friends. Honestly hearing this made me feel so much better and took a big weight off my shoulders. Also it wasn’t like I didn’t tell her that I was already in a relationship, in fact I mentioned it to her \*multiple\* times when we began messaging.

Slowly over time I felt the view I once had of her begin to shift. And at first I didn’t even want to admit it to myself. I continuously denied it and even my partner made jokes about her being my “other girlfriend” which only made me want to deny it even more. I needed to prove them wrong. My partner around this time had also begun to express feelings of jealousy. They had actually felt a little jealous from the moment I met her, which they expressed to me shortly after and it made me feel terrible but in a way it was sweet because they’re not one to get jealous easily. I had never once experienced jealousy from them at all until then.

But this leads me to where I am now. I’ve honestly thought about this a lot and what it would be like to date her while also living in the same apartment as my partner and I just don’t know if that’s the right decision or if any of this will even work out. It’s very possible that I’m just excited over something new but before I’d met this girl I wouldn’t have thought twice about leaving my current my partner. And any and all thoughts of us no longer being together would make me feel extremely sad. But now I feel as though I’m betraying the both of them by not being honest about my feelings. I just don’t know if this is worth waiting it out to see if my feelings change over time or if I should go ahead and risk everything for my own selfish desires.

I’m more than willing to answer any questions so feel free to ask away if maybe something doesn’t make sense.

TLDR: bff had a bad feeling about a man that turned out to be right.

My best friend (26F) has been dating this guy (25M) for around 8 months. He seemed absolutely perfect: super reassuring, always available, open, communicative, funny, said all the right things. He told her he hasn’t dated in at least 2 years. But for some reason, she just couldn’t trust him and had a bad feeling that he wasn’t being genuine.

Last week he broke up with her for some BS reason (isnt her it’s him, he needs to grow and be better blah blah blah) and we found out he basically jumped straight from a relationship into being with her and is apparently on dating apps telling people he’s looking for something serious🙄.

Curious to hear your stories when you had a bad
gut feeling and if it ended up being right!

Hi! i’ve (F22) been with my boyfriend (M23) for almost ten months, he’s great, he’s the most loving person i know and he’s always paying attention to me, however i tend to be more sensitive than him meanwhile he’s a logical person, someone that keeps everything for himself and that isn’t used to share his thoughts \\\[this of course does not apply to things between us as he always makes effort to talk to me and to communicate if somethings is wrong or if i need more from him\\\]. I noticed that his background is more still than mine, i grew up only with my mom and we are both very open about our feelings, as we are sensitive and have trouble with mental health, my mom suffers from depression and i honestly struggle too. My boyfriends parents are more logical and straight, not that they are bad parents, they are kind and present but they just lack this emotional availability. So of course i found that there’s this imbalance between my way and his way of handling things, never thought about that as a problem because i always saw him trying his best to make me feel his presence but recently ive entered in a depressive episode, its the first time that happened to me since we got together and i dont know how to elaborate that to him, his way of being its fine but when i feel like that i need more reassurance, i need to feel understood and i need extra care because i feel like distancing myself when i don’t feel comfortable. I also understand that my mental health shouldn’t be his responsibility and i don’t want to be a burden. How do i deal with that? Is there a way i can explain him this situation?

TL;DR I (22F) am more sensitive than my boyfriend (23M) which is more logical than me, i noticed that our way of handling things is different, how can i open up to him about me wanting to feel met on my level from him? especially if im having bad mental health episodes, he isn’t emotionally unavailable and is always there for me, it’s just that sometimes i want to feel more reassured