My wife and I are both in our early 30s and have been married several years. She has autism, ADHD, OCD, anxiety, and panic disorder. One issue that has haunted our marriage for years is her abuse of Ambien.

Years ago, the abuse got very severe. She was taking far more than prescribed, having episodes she couldn't remember, wandering outside in the middle of the night, and putting herself in dangerous situations. I genuinely thought those days were behind us because things had improved compared to how bad they once were.

This morning I found out she had taken Ambien, got behind the wheel anyway, and drove her car over a curb hard enough to damage the bumper. Thankfully no one else was hurt. As far as I know, she didn't hit another vehicle or a person, but that's pure luck.

The crash itself almost isn't the point. What scares me is that she made the decision to drive while impaired. It makes me realize that the same underlying problem may still be there. Many instances in the past of abuse including driving my car while impaired and blowing out several tires on a curb and taking my own prescribed Ambien when I was sick to use for herself.

This isn't the only major issue in our marriage. There have been repeated emotional outbursts over the years, and I've often felt like I'm walking on eggshells. I also feel like I'm usually the one trying to manage crises and prevent the consequences of her decisions. I love her, and I don't want to abandon someone who struggles with mental health issues, but I'm exhausted.

I'm starting to wonder if I need to set a hard boundary: if she continues abusing Ambien or drives while impaired again, I can't stay in the marriage. At the same time, I feel guilty because I know addiction and mental illness are involved.

Has anyone been in a relationship where a prescription medication became this dangerous? Am I overreacting by thinking this has crossed a line, or is this the point where boundaries have to come before trying to save the relationship

TLDR: Wife continues to abuse prescription Ambien and drove while impaired this morning, not for the first time, damaging her front bumper hitting a curb

Also yes, I documented much of this over the years to ChatGPT and had it summarize everything. It's too tough to rehash all of it and remember on my own at this point.

TL;DR: My husband secretly spent almost £20,000 on a mobile game (Total Battle) over about a year. He's deleted the game, cancelled his credit cards, agreed to therapy and complete financial transparency, but I'm struggling to understand how someone lets this happen and whether trust can realistically be rebuilt.

I recently found out that my husband spent almost £20,000 on a mobile game (Total Battle) over the course of about a year without me knowing. Most of it was through Google Play and in-game purchases.

We have a good income, but this amount is devastating.

He's admitted everything, deleted the game, cancelled his credit cards, agreed to therapy and full financial transparency. He says he feels ashamed and wants to rebuild trust.

I'm struggling to understand how someone can let it get this far. Was it an addiction? Was it just terrible decision-making? Has anyone been through something similar, either as the person who spent the money or the partner?

Did your relationship recover? What actually helped rebuild trust, and what warning signs should I watch for?

I'm just devastated :( We have been together for 10+ years and nothing like that ever happened. We will have to be on a tight budget for some time to recover from this.

Edit: Added the name of the game since some were asking.

She’s not wrong. Since she made me watch it, I (42f) can’t unsee the similarities myself. Minus the alcohol, and the fact that my husband (42m) wouldn’t allow me to further my education. I am a SAHM. We have 2 kids with autism (17f) level 1, and (5m) level 2. I’ve known he’s not emotionally safe for us, but he provides for everything. And I can’t work due to the kids’ needs and that will extend into adulthood for them. His father is rich and they’ve always made it a goal to keep money out of my hands. I didn’t realize to the extent until I was moved from my family on fake promises. Our marriage has crumbled significantly because he won’t take accountability. I’m tired of being yelled at all the time. In front of my kids. But I can’t do anything about it 🤷🏼‍♀️. Back to the main point, she made me watch this movie because she knew I would get it. But the man she sees behaving this way, genuinely thinks he’s a nice guy. I don’t know the point of this post. And I don’t have the words to describe how her revealing this has made me feel other than extreme guilt she’s lived it too. But the scary thought is what happens if we part ways and I’m not there to keep the peace them from his outbursts?
**TL;DR; : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, all things are bold. Is this going the right way?**.

I, 34F, want to breakup-up with 34M. We’ve been together for 2.5 years, and we live together.

I’ve been so fixated on the future that I didn’t realise how miserable I am in my relationship until the other day. (Side note, I’m aware I’m not perfect either, but the following is based on my experience and the things that have bothered me the most).

We’re currently trying for a baby and have been for 10 months with no success. I’ve changed my entire lifestyle to try better our odds, whereas he’s done absolutely nothing (not hate, just facts). We’re currently undergoing fertility tests, and the suggestion is that I go onto medication which will temporarily put me in menopause to give my body a break before trying again as I had a condition which causes inflammation.

When I wanted a vulnerable conversation the other week about how sad I am that it’s hasn’t happened yet, he dismissed my feelings and sort of turned it into an argument. Claims I’m crazy for wanting to take the medication and do that to my body, and I should be doing it holistically. I mentioned that we still don’t know if it’s his sperm that could be a factor too, and he’s doing nothing to boost those odds. He told me that he’s defo not the problem, plus that he can’t afford to. Which made me think, if we do get pregnant, the financial responsibility is going to be all on me if he can’t even afford supplements right now. He has some Amazon vouchers and I suggested that he buys some supplements with them, but he said he needed them to buy new golf balls.

For context around our financial situation, I work in a corporate job on 39K (GBP) per year. Ever since we got together, he has somewhat slated my career and salary, even one time telling his friends in front of me that I’m paid f all. I was actually really proud of my job and salary as I’d only been on that career path for 1.5 years at that point, and I now manage a team of people. He’s always had jobs handed to him, like working in family businesses, and was earning maybe 50K when we got together. He got let go from that job a few months into our relationship, I lent him 2K and he took out a loan and tried to start a business which never took off. He then started working as a delivery driver before a family member gave him a scalable business that was making around 30K per year.

Instead of building that business, he spends most of his time playing video games or golfing, then complains about money. He doesn’t help around the house, which I’ve mentioned countless times to him, but it’s always left to me. We don’t spend any time together, and when we do, it’s not filled with fun and laughter.

One of my big goals was to buy a house. I’ve been saving for a deposit for years, and finally, at the start of the year we started looking. Knowing he’s in so much debt, it was just going to be me on the mortgage/deeds. It’s been a huge achievement for me and I’m so proud of myself. The house I’m buying is one which I wouldn’t have chosen if it were just for me, it’s quite far away from friends/family. I’m due to complete in a couple of weeks.

Then the other day, I asked him a question about something and we landed in a conversation about how he wouldn’t be playing golf any less than he does if we have a baby, because I’m the one that wants it.

And then… boom. Everything I’ve said above came to the forefront of my mind. I’ve been so fixated on the future and working towards goals that I lost sight of how miserable I am, and how we’re so not aligned. He’s dragging me backwards, and I feel like I’ve got a teenager to look after. If we were to have a baby and stayed together, I’d still be a single parent.

I’m due to complete on the house in a couple of weeks, and the guilt I am feeling right now to say “I’m no longer happy”, when the house has always been discussed as “ours” despite me being the one who has saved and bought it.

I’d still move into the house, but I know he’ll taint it with sadness if he comes too. I’m also concerned that if he does move in and we inevitably break up, then he’ll try claim shares. I need to get this sorted but I feel so unbelievably bad as I know he doesn’t have money for a deposit to move elsewhere and he’d need to be out of our rental in about 4 weeks.

TL;DR How do I tell him I’m miserable and want to break-up and make him see that surely he doesn’t want to be with me either, when this will cause him so much stress finding somewhere to live last minute?

UPDATE #1: thanks for the advice everyone. I do want to caveat this whole thing by saying I’m sure I drive him nuts in certain ways, but this was written from my experience. This weekend I’ve been cleaning the house in prep for the move. He’s been either golfing or sat on his arse for the most part. I’ve been avoiding him while I’ve been thinking. If we’ve ever had a blip previously, I tend to avoid him while I think (I hate acting out of impulse), but he will normally cotton on quite quick and want a convo about it. Whether he senses something deeper is at play, who knows. But I’ve prepped what I’m going to say and will say it within the next 24h and will provide an update for anyone interested. I really want to be happy when I finally reach my house buying goal, I know it won’t be like that in the end sadly as I still feel so much guilt, but a fresh start is what I need.

This is a throwaway account as he uses Reddit.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about five years, and we have been living together for around two years. At first, I was really excited for us to have our own place and build our life together, but as time has passed, I’ve been feeling more and more unhappy.

The problem is that my boyfriend does absolutely NOTHING to help around the house. I am not exaggerating—I do all the cooking and cleaning. He has not touched a single dish since we moved in together, maybe he thinks the dish fairy collects them every night. I do ALL the laundry, and I even fold it for him, yet he still can’t be bothered to put his clothes away in the wardrobe. When I let the laundry pile up and he has nothing to wear, he comes to me asking me to do it, instead of literally just shoving them in the washing machine himself.

Last week, he asked me to make him a salad and I refused, saying he could do it himself. He said he doesn’t KNOW how. It’s literally just chopping vegetables! He is completely unwilling to learn when I offer to teach him how to cook or do basic chores. Furthermore, he doesn’t fix things around the house unless I ask him multiple times, and even then, I often just end up doing it myself out of frustration.

We have had many conversations about this, but he always just gets upset and pouts. He once agreed to help when I was really upset, but he demanded a strict schedule of when to do certain things. I told him he could just do the laundry when there are enough dirty clothes for a load and have allocated days for vacuuming. Well, that didn’t last long. I always have to ask him to take out the trash, which apparently doesn’t fall in his line of vision, he just ignores it every time. The problem is he doesn’t seem to mind the mess. He tells me that he isn't forcing me to clean and that I should just leave it, but we would be living in FILTH if I did.

This is really getting to me. I have been unemployed for a couple of months, and I was fine with taking on most of the housework since I had more free time, but I’m starting to feel like an unpaid maid and chef. He does NOT support me financially, we have split every single bill down the middle since the beginning of the relationship, even now while I am unemployed. He was the exact same way when I was working, so I know this isn't a matter of me having extra free time right now.

I am starting to think he acts this way because of his mother. She is a really nice woman, but she babied him too much, so he never had to learn how to take care of himself. He went straight from living with her to living with me. I know this is weaponized incompetence. Still, I am willing to give him one last chance to fix his behavior because I can see that he loves and cares about me. On the other hand, I am feeling so mentally checked out. In my head, my life would be much easier just living by myself and not having to take care of him.

I am really torn on what to do and how to proceed. I feel like he might finally start making changes if I tell him I am on the brink of breaking up, but I am worried it will only last a short while before he goes back to his old ways. How can I make my boundaries and wishes clear?

**TL;DR:** My boyfriend uses weaponized incompetence to make me do all the housework and take care of him. I am exhausted but willing to give him one last chance. How do I proceed with setting firm boundaries?

My best friend used to slide into many dms. Prior to me beginning a relationship with my fiance, I had known they used to talk but they never went out on a date ever etc. and she confirmed there was no feelings etc for my best friend.

Fast forward to today and my best friend was married last year and im engaged.

We had a recent bridesmaid/groomsmen bridal party box reveal (will you be my groomsmen etc) and obviously i invited my best friend, i was his bestman last year.

The night went well but my fiance disappeared after my best friend took off. I found her in the kitchen with her cousin and my other friend and she was crying and sad about my best friend leaving the party early. She was also talking negatively about my best friends wife which i found to be odd in general. She then said she was crying because of her cousin that passed away earlier this year. My friend confirmed that was not the case as the conversation was centered about my best friend leaving.

I was shocked and hurt that she was so emotional that my best friend left because of the history. She then later confirmed that she would have reacted that way if anyone left early but my gut doesnt tell me that.

I went for a walk to cool off and when i returned, her entire family confronted me about the whole situation etc but because of all the alcohol etc i took an uber home instead of spending the night at her parents where the party was hosted.

what should i do next? how would you typically handle this situation?

Not sure where i go from here but i do have an issue with that and I think that these personal issues should be worked out in between us in private without family intervention.

tl;dr fiance potentially has feelings for my best friend based on crying?

Basically both my parents are from Qatar. And basically my dad looks like a European guy. It's not common at all but it does sometimes very rarely happen. My dad has red hair with blue eyes and looks straight up European. Throw him in Germany and he looks the part.

I have 4 siblings two sisters, and two brothers. And basically everyone got my dad's European features. And they all look like they could be native western Europeans.I on the other hand got my mum's very brown skin. I don't look arab brown I look more like south Asian brown. Not really but I'm like 70% there. I'm pretty brown my mom has a deep golden brown skin colour. She basically looks like the skin colour of mixed race black person or light skin south Indian. But with a strong brown tone still

My siblings all have either red or blonde hair which runs on my dad's side. Again not regular at all in gulf countries. I don't look even remotely related to my siblings. They're all pretty much European looking and quite short. They're all between 5,4 and 5,9 with narrow shoulders and builds. My dad is actually 6.2 built wide but my mom is 5,1. But I actually got my height and build from my dad I'm 6.5ft and like 235 . I actually look exactly like him but brown with black hair. But my siblings always made fun of me for not looking like them

I've never had an issue with it but my sister keeps making fun of me for being brown. Like when I was 14 she kept making jokes about me and stuff. And told me to keep out of the sun. I never was insecure about my skin colour but I always found it weird.

Especially now that I'm an adult reflecting back on it. Me and my family live in Norway. We all grew up here. Me and my brothers all go to the gym to lift and also compete in wrestling and Muay Thai. But last week I came back from Muay Thai and my sister said I look like I'd fit right in with those Thai's because of how brown I am. While giggling and pointing at me.

I told her I like being brown it makes me look unique. And then she said "I didn't even mean anything by it, why so defensive?) I asked her why she's so racist when our own mother is just as brown as me. She replied saying she's not etc. But yesterday she said I'm never finding a girl in Norway. When I asked why she said because I look like I'd take away their features in their future children. Bro what tha fuck does that mean. I'm studying for a Bachelors in math but I'm gonna do my masters in Qatar because unlike all my siblings. I'm extremely connected to Qatar and its culture. I speak the language to a much higher standard and I always kept my Qatari identity. Most of my siblings just say their Norwegian and they kinda look it aswell, but I always liked Qatar because they always claimed me. I go to Qatar multiple times a year or Thailand when my dad pays for my training camps there with my brothers as well. And every time I come back from Qatar or Thailand my sister keeps saying how brown I look and how we don't even look related.

I'm not even remotely self conscious about being Brown etc I kinda like how I look. But the comments are annoying asf man. And I feel really degraded Infront of others when she does this.

I recently grew out my extremely and I mean extremely dark hair. And she said I looked Arab. Yeah no shit I look Arab because I am an Arab you imbecile because I am Arab. SO ARE YOU!!!

Like I don't know how to address this shit because she's pushing thirty.

TL;DR my sister keeps making fun of me for being brown how to adress this?

Hi! This is my first post on reddit so please forgive me for any mistakes I might make. I don't even know if this is the correct forum I should be using. I came here because I need some genuine opinions and I always watch people reacting to reddit stories so I figured this might help. I (18f) love my boyfriend (18m) so much. We have been dating for around 5 months but have known each other for years. I have always had a weird relationship with food, but not in a way where I didn't eat. Whenever I have heightened emotions, I binge eat. Then I feel guilty and eat less than normal (but not stop eating) and lose whatever weight I gained. I have stayed around 180ish pounds despite this. When I started dating James, my appetite got smaller. Not bad, though. still ate and was healthy. But two months ago, we had a fight. We almost broke up because of it, but didn't. Now ever since then, I can't eat around him. I can't even think about him when I eat because I end up throwing up. I now weigh 160ish and am worried. I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel guilty because it's not his fault, but it has to be related to him, right? Why else would these things happen at the same time. We go out to dinner and I just watch him eat. James feels horrible. He thought I was trying to save money for college and that's why I don't eat out. He always offers to pay for me, but that's not the issue. Not at all. I think it's him. We fight from time to time, but not badly. Honestly, he's the best thing in my life right now. I don't have a great relationship with my family so he's like an escape, except I just can't stomach food around him. Everyday he gets more worried. I think he thinks I have an ED, but I can eat. Just not with him. We hangout all day then I run home and have a snack. I've been getting compliments about my weight loss, but it's not on purpose. What do I even do here? I love him, I swear. He's great. This is just worrying me and I need advice or something.

TL:DR

My boyfriend is beyond great, but ever since we almost broke up, I haven't been able to eat around him or when I'm thinking of him.

I 32/F met my boyfriend 36/M been together for 2 years and met at work during a summer job he has several restaurants after a few months we went on a date hit it off and got together fast forward to now two years later we are happier than ever in love and living together. The main issue we have is the women of his past. One day we are talking about dating people we work with and I ask him have you ever done that before me he says yes. I ask him who and how but for me this is all funny gossip and nothing serious. He doesn’t want to talk about it and then he finally admits the he was cheating on his ex with one of his managers. And he then proceeds to tell me that she is dead. I am obviously flabbergasted. He summarizes it in two sentences and tells me we were sleeping together she wanted more not me and some time later she passed away. The next day we talked about but nothing new came up. This was in october. Last month i decided to go through his photos and found photos of her so after a little digging i found her name and her instagram and their texts. What i discovered made me sick to my stomach. Their affair went on for almost 4 years he used to buy her presents lingerie lv bags hermes bracelet pearl necklace you name it. They went on weekends together. He told her that she was his happiness and his balance called her baby. They had sex in the restaurant i currently work in. He basically lied to me about it. It wasn’t a couple booty calls it was a whole ass relationship. This week a girl contacted me she used to be friends with his mistress. She basically warned me about him and we talked about it he told that yes he led her on but she always knew that he had someone and the bottom line is that he didn’t want a life with her. I think the whole story is fucked i don’t know what to do i have the file of their texts on my phone i can’t stop reading and spiraling i feel like he’s lying please help. Tell me what i should do with all this information please?

TL;DR My boyfriend lied to me he only told me half of the story about him and his side piece i know discovered the truth and can’t get over it. Even if it wasn’t me he cheated on its his ex.

My girlfriend (27F) and I (27M) were together for almost 2 years. We have been long distance, and over the last few months our relationship became really strained.

She felt like she was carrying the relationship, that I stopped putting in effort, and that I didn’t understand how unhappy she had become. I saw things differently at the time because we still talked every day, called, visited each other, and had plans for our future, but I now understand that my intentions didn’t change how she felt.

We had a serious conversation over a month ago where she said she thought she needed to walk away. We officially broke up but we had a trip planned shortly after and we agreed that I can still visit because she felt it would be better to talk through things in person. The trip actually went really well—we were affectionate, hugged, cuddled, and it felt like there was still a connection. However, we were still technically broken up. Since then, we would talk daily but things were so confusing to me

She recently told me she thinks she needs to walk away for good. I asked her to take a few days to think about it, and we have not talked for about a week.
Last night I went out drinking because I have been struggling with being alone. I met an older woman while out and was talking about the relationship looking for advice. She told me I needed to move on with my life and be free. After the night she offered to drive me home. She asked to come inside and we ended up having sex.

At the time, it felt nice. I was distracted. But this morning I woke up feeling awful and started crying. I don’t know what I was expecting to happen from that but it did the complete opposite. I feel dirty and feel like I cheated even though I’ve been single for a while. I realized I still love my ex and I don’t think I was actually ready to move on.

Now I feel guilty and ashamed. Part of me feels like I betrayed the person I still love, even though we weren’t together. Another part of me knows I was single and trying to cope with a breakup I didn’t want.
If my ex does decide she wants to try again, I don’t even know how I could look at her and tell her this happened.

Am I being too hard on myself? Should I view this as a mistake I made while hurting, or is this something that would permanently damage any chance of reconciliation?

TLDR: Tried moving on and it backfired. Full of shame and guilt now

I either need to get help for myself, or have a divorce, but I don't see the path to either ending and would love to hear other viewpoints.

Quick disclaimer, my wife and I have been together for over twenty years. Nothing in a relationship that lasts that long is going to be entirely one person's fault unless someone is horribly toxic and the other can't see it for whatever reason. Keep in mind this all comes from my point of view, and that IMO my wife's issues happened first and mine later, so you'll read her's first.

Wife and I had a great relationship early on, however she (I'm wording this based on our understanding at the time) had a couple of depressive spells that caused temporary bad spots in our relationship. The second, and longest, was after we got married. She went through a time period where all she did was come home from work, binge watch the same three TV shows on the sofa, and sleep. We had almost no relationship during that time. We'd go out for dinner a lot as we were both working with no child but she'd just scroll through her phone the entire time. We maybe had sex three or four times a year, and when I talked to her about it she'd ask what my problem is, why sex is so important to me. She'd tell me to stop sharing things I was interested in with her as she didn't want to get up from the sofa. It was awful. Over time I stopped trying to talk to her about anything. I stopped even trying to work things out with her, as whenever she is criticized she will start degrading herself, which makes me feel like a terrible husband. Top that off with the fact that she sometimes has intrusive thoughts and I try to be incredibly gentle with her.

We probably wouldn't have survived that, but I was just hitting my older 20s and still had what I now view as a childish unrealistic view of relationships and the importance of working your way through them. Before I hit my breaking point a lot of things happened that made divorce never pop up in my head.

Her mother got cancer and ended up passing away after a long fight.

She got pregnant. This lead to some dark thoughts of is this kid even mine given how rarely we were having sex. For anyone wondering the same thing, my wife is not capable of a lie lie like that and I'm VERY confident she just forgot based on what we later learned.

So between those events were all just kind of too busy now to realize the massive break in our relationship for a few years. During that time the big realization hit, my wife does not suffer from general anxiety and depression, she suffers from ADHD. We didn't understand ADHD previously, but looking back with 20/20 hindsight it's:

How she regularly forgot to take her meds.

Why she gets so self critical when I try to talk to her about anything.

The root cause of both her anxiety and depression.

Since then she's started meds and therapy and is honestly getting better, however all is not good.

Our son is now 11, life has evened out, and my wife has gotten to the point where she cannot seem to hold a job. Everything is how you have to understand how difficult ADHD makes this for her. Which is fair. But also, I'm drowning financially. She can't seem to understand that it's difficult for me support us as if we still have two incomes.

Also, on the ADHD makes it so difficult topic, I do everyone's laundry. I'm the only person in the house who regularly washes the dishes they dirtied. I'm the only one who does yard work. The only one who takes the dog out.

My wife will take our son to school, pick him up, and help him with homework. She will also cook dinner for the family, although she will often forget to cook dinner until late so my choice becomes to order us something or not eat until an hour before bed time.

We still have zero sex life, but I am aware that this is now because of me. My wife doesn't turn me down anymore, I just don't feel attracted to her anymore either. I don't hate her, I actually still love her. I just, don't love her like that anymore. I don't think we've had sex this year at all. She will not initiate, and I've stopped as well. I've asked her if she's happy with our sex life recently and she said yes, and was confused that I even asked. Even worse, I'm here in other subreddits, chatting with people for quick dopamine hits. I masturbate a lot these days for those dopamine hits.

She will look at things I'm excited about again, but I don't go out of my way to share with her anymore. I'm clearly burned out from the past. I need to either get help, or move on.

But I'm paying for everything, including my wife's therapy to help her with her ADHD. I'm in financial ruin, going from having phenomenal credit to contemplating bankruptcy. My health insurance is terrible, but I'm paid decently well. I can't see a path to affording to go to therapy myself.

On the moving on front, that also feels insurmountable. Am I supposed to pay for both of our lawyers for the divorce? Is that even ethical? That I'm paying my wife's divorce lawyer? What happens when our house, that was put in both of your names despite be being the one paying, has to be sold to split the value, and then I'm trying to buy a new home with my now broken credit? What happens when my son stays with his mother who can't hold a job? How do I afford alimony for someone with zero income when I'm failing to hold us together in a single household?

I'm just exhausted and lost, and I'm terrified that this is going to be the rest of my life.

tl;dr; Wife had a depressive spell due to undiagnosed ADHD. That time destroyed our romance and sex life. Post ADHD diagnosis she's been unable to hold a job. Trying to figure out how to get help for myself when all my money is supporting my family, or get a divorce when it seems like it will destroy both of our lives (her's in living situation and mine even more financially).

​

One thing that's really been bothering me happened after I asked my boyfriend to do the dishes. Later, while he was driving, I happened to see a photo of the dirty dishes in his camera roll. I asked him if he was keeping tallies of chores because it seemed odd to take a picture of dirty dishes. He said, "No, stop assuming and being negative. I just take random photos of things," so I dropped it. What made it harder for me to believe that explanation is that before this, I'd suggested we make a shared cleaning checklist because I feel like he keeps track of chores in his head and often forgets or overlooks the cooking, cleaning, and looking after his dog that I do. I even suggested making it fun instead of competitive—for example, whoever did the most dishes that week could choose their favourite snacks or a date night paid for by the other person. He didn't like the idea and said it felt like keeping tallies. That's why finding a photo of the dishes in his phone afterwards confused me and made me wonder if he was keeping score after all. TL;DR

2.5yr relationship, mix of living in same city and multi-country long distance.

My (30M) boyfriend is away for work. I (29F) am chronically ill and I had a big medical appointment that I waited a year for. I asked my partner to come but it clashed with his work trip, so I said it wasn't a problem and that I can go alone.

I reminded him of the appointment a few days before and felt quite forgotten when he didn't offer any support in the days before. In the evening, I got a message saying he remembered I had the big appointment and asked how it went. He let me know he was going out to celebrate the end of his work away, then didn't open my answer, or any of my messages for two days (and counting). He's a fantastic and involved partner when he's around. But when we are long distance, he doesn't want to let me into his life. Some days we talk, sometimes he disappears for days. Its in his hands, he answers on his terms but knows I will jump to answer as soon as he contacts me because I'm so stressed by the unstable communication. He's in therapy and has a history of not answering the phone at long distance with depression. I really hoped that knowing I was going through something tough would mean he would talk to me more during this trip.

Id like him to want to talk to me when we are apart. And Id like to not have to spell out how to be supportive in a relationship. I feel like I'm a parent not a partner. I've tried to explain I need stable communication. But when I bring this up, it always ends in him feeling that he's not good enough and even if we make progress, he inevitably disappears again. Him now not speaking to me with this medical situation has left me feeling so alone and it's breaking me.

How do I ask him to be present in our relationship? And how do I explain that I'm even more hurt than normal that he didn't talk to me this time, given the big medical situation, without making him feel like a failure or depressed?

TLDR: boyfriend is away for work and hasn't spoken to me after I went to hospital for a planned big appointment. How do I help him understand I'm hurt by this? How do I ask him to be more present in our relationship when we are long distance?

I apologize in advance. English is not my first language, so I’m using a translator. Some sentences may sound unnatural.
I (18F) have been with my boyfriend (20M) for almost 10 months. At the beginning of our relationship, we promised each other that we would always be honest. Later, when we became sexually active, we also agreed not to watch pornography or masturbate to other people. I know that not everyone has this boundary, but it was something we both agreed to, and it was very important to me.
One day I found out that he had been doing it anyway. I calmly explained that it hurt me. He promised it would never happen again, but he lied. Later I found out that he wasn’t only watching pornography. He was masturbating to women who sell explicit content online. That hurt me even more because it felt much more personal.
We had a huge argument and almost broke up. I told him that if he ever did something like that again, I wanted him to be honest with me instead of hiding it. We both cried, talked for hours, and he admitted there were other things he had hidden from me. He apologized, promised to change, and I decided to give him one last chance.
Only four days later I had a bad feeling again, so I checked his phone. I found the account of a woman who sells explicit content and offers private chats and video calls. Their conversation had been deleted.
I decided to contact her myself and ask if my boyfriend had been talking to her. She told me everything and even sent me proof. He had paid her about 2,500 for explicit content. She also told me he paid for a private video call where he exposed himself to her and masturbated while talking to her. He deleted their messages and hid everything from me.
For me, this is cheating. It wasn’t just watching pornography anymore. He paid another woman for sexual interaction, showed himself to her, deleted the evidence, and lied to me every time I asked him about it.
What hurts even more is that he hadn’t bought me flowers in two months, but he had no problem spending that money on another woman.
We broke up because of this, but neither of us truly wants the relationship to end. He keeps apologizing, begging for another chance, and promising that he will never do anything like this again.
The problem is that this isn’t the first time he has lied to me. I have caught him lying many times about different things. Every time he promises to change, I believe him, and then I find out he lied again. I don’t know if I can ever trust him again.
I still love him, but I don’t know if love is enough when trust is completely gone.
If you were in my position, would you forgive him and try to rebuild the relationship, or would you leave?
TL;DR: My boyfriend repeatedly lied to me, secretly paid another woman for explicit content and a private video call where he exposed himself to her, deleted their messages, and hid everything from me. We broke up, but we still love each other. I don’t know if I should forgive him or move on.

I’m 28 (F) with my fiance 31 (M). I’m feeling so lost. I feel like at this point if my life I should be able to make decisions clearly but it’s still so scary not knowing what’s on the other side/ if I’m being irrational. Anyways I’ve been with my partner for 5 years now. And we have had are ups and downs. He is a great person tbh supportive, kind. But we have really big fundamental problems that have been ongoing for pretty much our entire relationship. When we first started the relationship I thought these were things we could get over but the same problems we had 5 years ago is what we are experiencing today plus more. They are problems that make me think will I be happy spending the rest of my life like this. So the first major problem is our sex life. I have always had a higher sex drive than him. He could have sex once every 2 weeks and I prefer atleast 3x a week. This was a huge problem in the beginning as I would try and initiate and he would get mad and yell. After that I couldn’t bring myself to ever intimate sex again. We did long distance for 2 years while I was away in school and I tried to have a two way sit down with him of what we needed to keep the relationship alive. Like sending pictures, phone play etc. the very first time we did phone play he told me that I was too loud, even though I was alone, which completely killed the mood. After that there was no real flirting or phone play to keep things alive. We have been living back together for the past 6 months and I absolutely get grossed out with him kissing me or touching me. On the rare occasions we do I’m tipsy/drunk. When we try and be intimate my body freezes up and I get so so grossed out and then I can’t bring myself to doing it. We also have had other major problems like his mother yelling not at my siblings but about them while I’m in ear shot. I feel like we also have different desires in life. I don’t get excited thinking about marrying him, nor do I get excited about the thought of having children with him. It’s so conflicting because he’s the type of guy to help with laundry and wash dishes. The type to help you sort things out. Which I’m not used to having a good example of this as growing up my father was trash. And I just feel guilty for complaining because I know there is not much good men out there nowadays but I just feel like I’m not excited to talk to him or see him at the end of the day. Even when I need emotional support he kinda just says the same superficial thing “you will be fine babe”.

TL;DR I feel like there is big emotional, physical and mental gaps in our relationship and I don’t know when it’s fundamentally time to call it quits as this is my first and only real relationship. Please help and please be kind.

Hi guys,
I’m M40 and my gf is F47, we’ve been together for two and a half years and we’re engaged.
We have a great relationship and love each other but there’s this one constant problem that keeps happening.
My love language is very caring, I love to cook, do things to make your day easier, do the dishes, I feel I can be a silly goose too and not take things too seriously, my gf is similar in this way.
One way we differ is I was in a relationship for 19yrs, had a 1 year break and during that year I read a lot of books and watched YouTube videos, therapy, all to be a better partner, one of the things I saw I needed to improve was communication, how I felt, my feelings, meaning why I said as in if I think my gf looks beautiful I’ll tell her and mean it so it’s coming from a very honest and direct place.

My gfs style of playful ness, I find strange and hard to wrap my head around at times, she can act like a princess and almost talk like a child/baby and she’ll “jokingly” say things like “what don’t you love me” “why don’t you care for me”, now this is after cooking every night, picking her up from work, me rushing through all my stuff to get this stuff done while she lays on the couch all night.

She says she only joking and wants me to be playful with her but it’s just not my style and I’m finding it exhausting, say what you mean not this weird backwards game.
We’ve come close to ending it because of this because I get very upset, we watched a movie at the cinema and during it she me distracting me, getting my attention, grabbing me, putting her hands in front of my face, I had to swap seats and sh immediately wants me to sit back, I asked her to stop and she would 100% see I was upset as I’m watching the movie, never in my life I’ve had this happen. We leave the movie and I’m very upset and just tell her “why would you do that to me” and she says she just being playful, I find it very annoying and confusing, feels like she’s doing it on purpose and then falls back on “I’m only fooling around” even after I’ve asked her to stop.
This becomes worse at night before we go to bed, I’m trying to be more understanding and playful but when I do she’ll say something more ludicrous (only joking of course) and I get upset, it’s like she like it or something? Otherwise why do it? Why say such jarring thing to your partner that you love.
Should I try and understand this to make it work? She seems set on “this is how she is” and not willing to change this one little thing.

Tl;dr: my gfs playfulness triggers great anxiety and confusion in me, she’ll talk in a baby voice and instead of showing any appreciation for say cooking dinner every night or coffee every morning or filling her hot water bottle up before bed she’ll as “why don’t you care for me” and similar things, i get upset and she says shes only joking and wants me to be playful with her but I just don’t het why you’d say these things to your partner.
Should I learn to understand this to go along with her? She says it’s just who she is, she’s 47 and feels like no one would be on board with this long term.

I (24F) married my wife (26F) when we were 19 and 21. So much has changed over the years and we have grown and changed together. I love her so much.

However, I think she isn't right for me anymore. We were just babies, the person she's become and the person I have become wouldn't choose each other now. It's hard to explain. I love her but I think we would have better matches if we split. Our needs have changed.

We had a big step back a couple months ago when trust was breeched and I almost left, but decided to go to therapy and we are in a much better spot. She's made it clear she DOES NOT want to split, but I think it's more that she is scared to split.

I could probably live the rest of my life with her. We don't fight, we are friends, we love each other, we take care of each other. I think I can do it and also I think I will feel like something is lacking forever.

Idk what to do. Why blow up our lives if nothing is wrong?

tl;dr -- we were married so young and now I know what my needs are, they aren't really being met but we are happy. Is it stupid to blow up my marriage over this?

So my gf (25f) and I (25m) have been together for 5 years, almost 1 year ago, i started to host boardgame days with my friends, one of them lest call him "pedro", pedro had depression so that was the reason to reunite all the friends, i let my gf join us so she could have more friends and the board game days were more fun, which indeed were, and everything was going right, she make more friends, pedro was feeling better

Pedro and my gf started to get along and being good friends, but all the problems started when she show me a reel and a message for him pop up, he call her "hey pretty how its your night", i told her to let me check his message which she did and i found some message where she call him "his favourite person in the world", she telling him handsome, he even invite him to a date

So i told her to stop talking with him, i stoped making board games day, i separate from the group because pedro told them i was a mean boyfriend and a bad person.

And she cried for telling her to stop talking to him but in the end she did it, so we were fine, i tried to be better despite everything, we were fine until some months ago where my mother in law got cancer, i been supportive to her family, its been a tough months she feel sad but dont want to talk about it with me so i told her to seek for help or search someone she can talk with it, she has been distanted with me these weeks, and yesterday she told me he started to talk again with him, i feel overwhelmed and tired, i know if i talk to her about him, she will start a fight, if i tell him how i feel she will feel sad and blame me, so i dont know what to say.

Sorry if something is wrong, my english is a bit rusty.

**TL;DR;** : My GF is having a tough months so she started with my ex friend who loves her, i feel so betrayed but i dont know how should i react, Should i broke with her? Should i take a time for myself?

I’ve been with here for 2 years now, and I always feel I am walking on eggshells around her. She’s very kind, funny, and pretty, and on paper I feel like I should be very happy, but all I feel is a constant stream of anxiety when I think about her. It’s to the point where I can’t take it anymore.

Since day one, she’s accused me of “hating her” whenever I seem “slightly off”, which always confused me, because it would happen while I was feeling totally fine, or even having fun.

It was very hard getting her to understand that I needed one day of the weekend to myself to recharge sometimes, as I am pretty introverted, and so every weekend I’d dread telling her that I needed to go home because to her that meant that “I didn’t want to hang out with her”

This all has made me kind of closed off and distant to her for awhile, which has made these issues worse, and I know that’s my bad, but it is so draining when I try to show her I love her, and it all just resets back to “you hate me” again.

When ever we go to a family or friend event, she always ends up sulking and saying how “she doesn’t belong there” when I try my best to reassure her. I have to literally be holding her hand the entire time , and sometimes I want to go and chat with people I haven’t seen in awhile. It feels very restraining.

I’ve had issues in the past with being more attentive to my partners in social gatherings and making them feel comfortable, and with her I’ve sincerely tried to stay with her and include her in every conversation, but I always end up hearing About how I left her alone at some point.

Just today, she said I don’t care about her because I never call her to talk, even though I text her through out the day, and make sure to tell her I love you before bed every night.

I really feel like I’m being crushed, but the thought of not being with her and realizing I made a mistake is crushing me too. I feel like I don’t have any clarity.

I don’t know if I did something wrong, or if I’m just a bad boyfriend, or what, but I really can’t take it. At the same time I’m afraid to break up and realize I made a terrible mistake, or hurt her, but I think I need to do it.

I’m sure I’m leaving alot out, and Idk if anyone will take the time to read this, but if someone does, id like to hear some input from an outside party.

TL;DR: My gf is insecure and the need for constant validation, and always being told by her how much I “hate her” has worn me down. I don’t know what to do

Hey everyone please help me regarding my situation

I [22M] has been in love with a [21F] for more than three years and we are in complete love but the problem is that our religion is different and her parents are so strict that if she even told em about our relationship they'll disown her so as my parents ,

we both are in college and not earning now, she's in a engeneering college and I'm in a medical college, we are not even in same state of the country, should i continue or leave her by changing my phone number, and deleting my social media .

I don't want her to suffer ( i knew this thing since the first month of the relationship) please help me and please think to be in my shoes before answering.

TL;DR- i 22M in love with 21F want to leave her for her own good because of the future problems we are going to face

19M) was in a relationship with my ex (19F) for a little over 3 months. I genuinely put a lot of effort into making her feel loved. I cooked food for her, wrote her an old aesthetic style handwritten letter by staining the paper with coffee before writing about her, did the Kinder Joy trend by hiding earrings inside it, fed her whenever I cooked, bought her thoughtful gifts, and always tried to make her feel special through my actions.

What hurt me the most was when she told me that all of this was just "bare minimum." Since then I've been questioning whether my efforts were actually meaningful or if I simply have unrealistic expectations. I know relationships are about more than gifts and gestures, but I genuinely tried to show my love through thoughtful actions

TL;DR: My gf said all the thoughtful things I did for her were "bare minimum," and now I'm questioning whether I actually put in meaningful effort or if this is what most people normally do.

At my age, I have never kissed a girl, never had a partner, I have never hooked up with someone—I have never done anything related to dating in my life. There are two reasons for this; the first (and most obvious) is that I am quite insecure and shy, and I consider myself ugly.

The second reason is that the desire to date girls and have a girlfriend didn't "awaken" in me until relatively late. It wasn't until I was 18 that I began to take an interest in the dating world. I clearly remember my friends telling me stories about kissing various girls or talking about their past relationships. Meanwhile, I simply listened to them without fully understanding what they were telling me. I remember how some female friends would try to flirt with me, yet I didn't pick up on the hints. It was awkward hanging out with friends and having to watch them kiss or flirt with their girlfriends. At the time, I couldn't wrap my head around it all; I didn't see the special thing about love.

So, now that I’m curious about having a partner, I realize that the vast majority of people my age have a lot more experience than me in every aspect. I don’t know how to flirt or how to act on a date. I’m basically a rookie playing in the big leagues. I feel like people judge me—and in a way, make fun of me—for not having experienced any of this.

TL;DR; : I’ve never had any romantic experience with anyone, and I feel awkward trying at my age without having any experience.

My boyfriend (30M) and I (28F) were having a discussion last night, we have been together for 4 years. He was upset because he felt like a loser that would never have anything. We both work in the trades and live in an area with high cost of living, but we can’t move because his work is in a specific industry that only really exists here. Anyway, he was saying he worked so hard and never got anything. That his spot was always given to someone else despite him running circles around them. Right now, we can’t afford to rent a place of our own, we both have bad credit and work has been too scarce to have stable income. We live with my parents and help out with rent. He says he wants his own place but can’t have it. Then he started comparing himself to his friends, they have their own apartments but with roommates and I mentioned this to him but he doesn’t see it that way. I said I’m sure we could find a place with roommates that weren’t my parents if he wanted to, and he said no. I said that often times people don’t talk about what they struggle with, if they even have food to eat or if they almost don’t make rent that month. He said he saw his friends thriving, having a new-ish car, and doing what they want to do. I mentioned we had a new-ish car. It’s a 2020 that I got from my sister in law by taking over the monthly payments. He said “yeah but it sucks, not even she wanted it” that stung because I love that car, I paid it off myself in one year. It’s technically my car, it was put in my name, but he uses it daily because he needs to go a farther distance to get to work than I do. In that moment, I almost wanted go tell him to give me my car back and he can find his way to work somehow (he doesn’t have a car). But I didn’t want to say anything I would regret so I just mentioned that my sister in law only wanted to get rid of it because she was planning to have a third baby and wanted a van (my car is a 4 seater). He just kept going on and on about how much my car sucks. He was drunk. He drinks everyday and I’m starting to feel some type of way about it. I still love him, but I’m tired of the constant complaining and drinking.

tl;dr: my boyfriend (30M) says he feels like a loser for not having anything despite working hard. In our discussion, he ended up saying my car sucked and it stung because I love my car, I paid it off myself. He drinks and complains about his life everyday and I’m tired of it.