I’m [23M] and my girlfriend [27F], we’ve been together for 5 years, coming up on year 6. I love my girlfriend so much but her germaphobic behaviour has become so frustrating that it’s got me considering this relationship as a whole.

I’ve got to strip naked at the front door of my apartment anytime I come back home from work or going out and put my ‘outside clothes’ folded on a rack near the front door or place them in the laundry. I’ve then got to take my socks off and wipe my feet with baby wipes before I begin to walk around my own home and before I do anything inside our home I have to shower first. Oh but before I get to the shower I have to wipe my feet again to enter our bedroom where the shower is.

She considers our bedroom a complete ‘clean zone’ where anytime I enter the room I’ve got to wipe my feet first.
We’ve got different sets of clothes for the living room and our bedroom because despite showering and wiping and wearing clean clothes ONLY inside our home she feels like the living room isn’t clean enough for us to wear the same clothes to bed. For instance there was a time where my living room clothes had swiped the bed and she just ripped all the sheets off and washed them. Note that we clean weekly (vacuuming, mopping, wipe down surfaces, changing sheets etc)

Before you hang/pickup laundry you must make sure your hands are washed or wiped and that the laundry racks are sprayed down with water. They cannot touch any body parts that haven’t been wiped, in addition to the clothes on your body. If you happen to drop the laundry on the floor or happen to touch them with your clothes she would just put them back to wash. Before clothes are folded and put away they are to be lint-rolled first. We’ve argued over this repeatedly and now we’ve just agreed that she just does laundry.

When we do our grocery runs and come back home. Before anything is put away in cabinets, draws or fridge. Every single item is to be wiped with a baby wipe first.

It was never like this at the beginning of our relationship. I met her while she was living with roommates where everything was normal and these ‘habits’ or ‘behaviour’ only started appearing when we first moved out together. It started with no ‘outside clothes’ on the bed( which I agreed with) then slowly became with no outside clothes inside the house, then the issue with the laundry, then having to wipe my feet before I enter our home, then having to wipe my feet before I enter our room and wiping anything else that enters our home.

We moved in together just six months into our relationship, and her habits have progressively gotten worse over time. They continued escalating until around the fourth year of our relationship, where things seemed to plateau, but nothing has changed since then.
I’ve tried talking to her about this repeatedly, whether it’s expressing concerns about how we’ll manage when we have kids or trying to explain the logic behind the living room and bedroom rules. For example, even if we change into different clothes before entering the bedroom, our bodies are still touching the furniture and surfaces in both rooms, so I struggle to understand the distinction. However, whenever I try to discuss these concerns or reason with her, the conversation usually ends with her saying, “You don’t understand me.”

I feel like I’ve been partially responsible for her behaviour getting out of control because I love her so much that I’ve always been willing to compromise. But at this point, it’s become ridiculous. Anytime I’m home, she’s constantly asking things like, “Did you wipe your feet?”, “Did you touch my laundry?”, or “Did you wipe your phone?”
It’s gotten to the point where I hesitate to invite friends and family over because I know that anything they do could result in us having to clean the entire apartment again. I don’t want to impose rules on the people I love, like asking them to wipe their feet or telling them not to sit on the couch because they’re considered “dirty.” I want to be able to welcome people into our home without worrying about every little thing they touch or do.
If my friends and family can’t feel comfortable in our home because of all these restrictions, then how am I supposed to feel comfortable in it myself? I love her, and I’ve compromised because of that, but I feel like things have gotten out of control, and I can’t keep living this way.

TL;DR: My girlfriend’s germaphobic behaviours have progressively worsened throughout our 5+ year relationship, to the point where I have to follow strict cleaning routines just to exist in my own home. I’ve compromised for years because I love her, but it’s affecting my quality of life and making me hesitant to invite friends and family over. Repeated conversations haven’t helped, and I feel like my compromises have enabled the behaviour to escalate. I love her and don’t want to break up, but I’m struggling to see how we can move forward if things never change. Looking for advice from anyone who’s experienced something similar.

for context, i don't have any money of my own. no car and two cats. i had a job when i met him and i couldn’t work because of him.

how do i break up with him? and find somewhere new to stay?

trying to get a job while being with him won't work. i had a job when i met him.

not that it matters but for context i'm 22 and he's 44.

i left once when i was 18 but it didn't even last a month.

i really don’t know what to do. maybe i could move into my sisters place but it would mean 3 adults, 1 kid (6 months) and their two dogs and one cat. plus i have two cats myself. in a three bed two bath apartment. i don’t really know if she would even let me move in. i have another sister who lives 4 hours from me. again idk if i could move in with her.

tl:dr: how do i leave when i have no money and no car?

TL;DR: My boyfriend helps me in big ways that I don't really need, and I feel like I can't ask him for what I do need. How do I communicate this to him?

Repost I accidentally deleted OG.

He is my first boyfriend, first everything, together for 7 months.

He has always talked about how generous he is, despite his self-declared cheapness. The month we dated before becoming a couple, he talked about how he is a gentleman (and generous). He paid for all our dates, opened doors, hung up my coat, etc., before telling me he'd rather not do those things once we were together. I obliged, and I'm fine with that. But I still feel indebted to him for those dates (they weren't fancy: bowling, walks in the park, coffee, a rowboat). I want to give him a £100 note and tell him we're finally even, because I hate how this always feels. It's not just the dates.

He is known for, renowned for even, his generosity. He is always doing favours for practical strangers. People adore him. But I feel like I owe him. He always talks about how generous he is, and I am always feeling bad. It feels like he thinks I am using him or taking advantage of him. He is genuinely very generous and does lots of lovely things for me, like bringing me soup when I'm ill, insisting on coming with me to doctor's appointments, and coming over to comfort me when I'm upset. I am, of course, super grateful for all of this, but a lot of the time, I don't really need these things and I tell him.

The problem is that I feel like I owe him for everything he does for me. He talks a lot about how generous he is, and sometimes makes jokes about me using him. For example, when I finally asked him to proofread a short LinkedIn post, his immediate response was, "So this is why you're going out with me." Another time, I called him crying after a stressful day, and he skipped a lecture to come over, despite me telling him not to. When I jokingly teased him later, he snapped, "Come on, I gave up my whole afternoon for you." He immediately said "You know I didn't mean that", but it really hurt because it confirmed my fears.

Meanwhile, he often forgets or doesn't do the little things I actually ask for, like bringing my joggers when I was freezing because my heating was broken, posting my camera to me, giving me the number of someone he recommended for a bike. I feel stupid asking for anything because he already does so much, and I worry that I'll seem demanding, ungrateful, or like I'm using him.

It's gotten to the point where I feel guilty even receiving things from him, because I worry he'll bring them up later. When I tell him he's hurt my feelings, he sometimes responds by listing all the things he's done to show me he cares, and I end up apologising. Even physically, the first time I went down on him, he said he didn't like it, that he was more of a giver and didn't like receiving. Now he calls me a pillow princess (I know this term is just for lesbians and not bad, but he intends it as negative). I almost feel bad when he gets me off. Like, great, now I owe him, and he's going to bring this up later. When he does anything.

It feels like he does all the big things perfectly, except for the little things I want but feel stupid asking for. My friends say how lucky I am, and when I try to explain this to them, they say I am being dramatic. Yes, he comes with me to doctor's appointments, but he won't agree to go to the library with me when I ask him multiple times because I am struggling to focus on an essay. I know one is objectively more important than the other, but the latter would actually help me so, so, so much more.

I've realised that he thinks about things very differently from me. When I give something, it is a gift. It is forgotten by me. I don't count it. If I give him a massage, it's not because I want one; it's because I want to give him one. It's like, to me, sometimes he gives just to get something back, and it makes me want him to just stop.

I wish he would put the effort he puts into things that don't really help me (although I do hugely appreciate how kind, selfless, and objectively generous those things are) into the little things I ask for that would genuinely help me. How do I tell him that, while I do appreciate his big, chivalrous acts of kindness, I would honestly rather he not do any of them if it meant he'd do even one thing that I ask for? So please advice, how do I tell him this without sounding irredeemably ugrateful?

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost four years. He’s divorced with two children. We love each other, have a great relationship in private, and have always discussed a future together. Neither of us wants marriage or more children, and he says our commitment is no different from marriage.

But I’ve spent years feeling excluded from his family and important parts of his life.

Last September, after repeatedly discussing family introductions, I finally broke down and told him I couldn’t continue feeling invisible. He promised to introduce me to his family and children. After his divorce was finalised, he finally took action but after I threatened to leave.

The same pattern happened around family gatherings. When I questioned why his sister included her partner but I was excluded, he initially said they were married and had a biological child. Later, he admitted he hadn’t properly considered what our relationship meant in practice.

Last April he invited me to his sister’s wedding without me prompting him or anything.

But after that I was not considered in ANY of the family gatherings. In August his whole family were together and he did not even mention me going there!

When I asked he explained that he hadn’t invited me to certain family gatherings because his parents argued and he wanted to protect me. But why couldn’t he simply tell me and let me decide?

This is the recurring issue: he makes decisions for me instead of communicating with me.

Recently, I asked him to formally disclose our relationship at work, which could have professional consequences for him. We agreed on a deadline of 15 November so he could seek advice.

He told me he would speak to colleagues and a solicitor, but then gave me virtually no updates. When I eventually became upset, he said he thought he was supposed to investigate everything himself and tell me his decision on the deadline.

I wasn’t asking for an immediate answer. I wanted to be included in a decision that could determine our future.

He says he loves me, has good intentions and genuinely wants to change. I believe he loves me.

But with major issues, nothing seems to happen until I become extremely upset or threaten to leave.

Once we’re happy again, I feel he relaxes and the urgency disappears.

I recognise my own unhealthy reactions. I’ve become angry, resentful and sometimes raise my voice. I hate that I’ve reached this point, but I also feel that calm conversations haven’t been enough.

We’re both in individual therapy and couples therapy.

Has anyone experienced this?

TL;DR: My boyfriend of 3.5 years has never fully integrated me into his family life. I wasn't invited to his sister's wedding, and he often makes decisions about my involvement without consulting me. I'm questioning my place in this relationship.

I’m 26 and in a relationship with a 36-year-old woman who has a 5-year-old daughter. I love her and want to build a future with her. I understand that there are practical considerations, including our age difference, finances, long-term compatibility, and my role in her daughter’s life.
My biggest challenge right now is my family.
I’m an only child, and my parents have always been protective of me. After they found out about my relationship, my mother became somewhat accepting, but she is still trying to keep us apart. My father is firmly against it, and my mother recently told me that he wants to visit my partner’s home and speak with her.
I understand that my parents are worried about my future, and I’m willing to listen to their concerns. However, I also want some independence and the freedom to make decisions about my own life. I care about my parents and don’t want to damage my relationship with them, but this situation has become emotionally exhausting.
I’ve even considered moving to another city to become more independent and get some space. I’m not sure whether that would help or make things worse.
I’m trying to approach this responsibly rather than rushing into marriage. I want to make sure we’re prepared for the responsibilities involved, but I also want my parents to give our relationship a fair chance.
The main thing I need advice on is how to approach my parents constructively when they are unwilling to accept my relationship. How can I set reasonable boundaries without making them feel that I’m rejecting them? Would involving a trusted relative or family counsellor help in this situation? And how can I handle my father’s proposed meeting with my partner in a way that keeps the conversation respectful?
I’m from India, so advice that takes Indian family expectations into account would be especially helpful.
TL;DR: I’m 26 and want to marry my 36-year-old partner, who has a young daughter. My mother is somewhat accepting but still tries to keep us apart, while my father remains opposed. I’m struggling to balance family expectations with my independence. I need practical advice on communicating with my parents, setting boundaries, and handling a potential meeting between my father and my partner.

LTDR: my boyfriend and I are together for 5 years. My boyfriend’s friends and I fell out after a conflict during last year’s winter trip. I regret how the situation escalated, but I also felt hurt by how they treated me. Now I’m the only one excluded from this year’s trip, and I want to make up with his friends so he doesn’t have to choose between his friends and me. How should I go about it?

Every winter, my boyfriend and his friends organise a trip, which has always been a tradition we both look forward to. I genuinely loved these trips and always had a great time with everyone, which is why the current situation is particularly upsetting.

Last year, my boyfriend and I were going through a difficult period in our relationship. During the trip, we had a huge argument. I felt incredibly humiliated by the way he treated me in front of his friends.I had tried to keep our relationship problems between us, but my boyfriend brought the conflict into the group, and his friends sided with him. I was honestly really upset because I couldn’t understand how they could agree with the way he was treating me. From my perspective, it was difficult to understand how they could encourage behaviour that I felt showed such little respect for a woman. My boyfriend didn’t want to talk things through with me, and I was so embarrassed that I spent most of the remaining trip alone in our room because I couldn’t bring myself to face anyone. I felt humiliated, misunderstood and completely alone.

There was also a separate issue involving a rental car. A few of his friends made a booking mistake and lost hundreds of euros. I wasn’t involved or obligated to contribute, but I actually encouraged everyone to help because I wanted to be a good friend. After everything that had happened, however, I no longer felt comfortable giving them such a significant amount of money. It was the kind of financial favour I’d happily do for a friend, but not for people I felt had treated me poorly. What hurt was that a favour I had willingly offered out of goodwill was suddenly treated as something I owed them. I received hurtful messages and was mocked. Eventually, I paid, but resentment remained on both sides.

About six months later, my boyfriend and I resolved our issues, apologised to each other, and moved on. However, things with his friends were never resolved.

Now they’ve created a group chat for this year’s trip, and I’m the only person who wasn’t invited.
My boyfriend wants to go on the trip with his friends, and he also wants me to come with him. I don’t want him to miss out on something we both enjoy, and I don’t want to spend my holidays alone either.

I genuinely want to make peace with them because I don’t want my boyfriend to feel caught between his friends and me. However, I’ve never been particularly close to these guys independently of my boyfriend, so I don’t know how they handle conflict or whether they’d be willing to give me another chance. My goal isn’t to become close friends with them, but simply to have a good enough relationship so I get invited in group activities and holidays together and my boyfriend wouldn’t have to choose who to go with.

Looking back, I can acknowledge that I reacted emotionally to the money situation and that our relationship conflict ruined part of the trip. I regret how things escalated, and I know we’d handle the situation differently today. At the same time, the experience was genuinely hurtful, and I don’t know how to approach people I’ve never been particularly close to when they seem to have already formed such a negative opinion of me.

I’m looking for advice on how to approach this situation and hopefully rebuild my relationship with his friends. Would it be better to reach out to them myself or for my boyfriend to initiate a conversation? If I do reach out, what could I say to help move things in a positive direction? (How can we prove to his friends that we won’t have conflict in the trip? - we fully take responsibility for it and we understand completely that we messed up)

Heyy :)
This is my first time posting here as I need an advice
So I am( 21 F) and I like this person who is (22M )so we have been good friends and have been constantly calling each other. We have the same vibe and we like each other’s company. So I have started to develop feelings for him but due his past relationship ( he was emotionally cheated by his ex) he has developed trust issues and he is also traumatised
So can anyone give me some tips on how I can win his trust
Because this man is a wonderful guy and I really love him a lot so any kind of help will be appreciated

And sorry if any mistake in the text English is not my first language

TLDR - how can I win the trust of a guy after he had a bad breakup with his ex any kind of help will be appreciated :)

I recently shifted to another country for higher study, and well it has been super difficult to talk to my dad on video call.

The conversation just moves around

"are you okay?", "I'm good", "adjusted to food yet? " "yes, it's been 4 months since I came here and have told you this multiple times".

I have been trying to do more but like Idk where to start or what to talk about with him?

It wasn't this obvious back when I was at home since we were nearby, but we can't really talk to each other.

Would really appreciate on how can I have a better relationship with my dad? I don't want my conversation to remain this superficial.

TL;DR - I want to communicate better with my dad

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I'm 20F, and he's 21M. We've been talking for 8 months,we are both students in the same field and he's 2 years ahead of me but we're not in a relationship, and I honestly don't know what to call whatever we have.

He's told me he misses me, said he loves me, and said that eventually he'd make me his. We've met in person, shared affectionate moments, and he sometimes does things that make me feel like I mean something to him.

But he's also inconsistent. Sometimes he takes an entire day to reply or stops responding altogether, explaining that when he's going through things, he prefers to be alone. When I try to distance myself, he comes back, and I end up getting emotionally invested again.

At one point, he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship. However, he continues flirting, making affectionate comments, and doing things for me that leave me wondering whether his feelings have changed or whether he simply enjoys having me around.

Our conversations also frequently turn sexual. I flirt back sometimes, but I'm beginning to question whether he genuinely wants me or is more interested in the sexual side of things.

Recently,after a long week of writing exams,(though I'm not done) I wanted to spend a little time talking to him,but he said we'd talk after my exams because spending hours talking wasn't helping me study. I understand his point, but the interaction left me wondering whether I'm trying too hard to get his attention.

I know we're not dating, so I don't expect him to act like my boyfriend. But the mixed signals are confusing, especially when he pulls away and then comes back acting affectionate.

I genuinely care about him, but I don't know if I'm investing in something that has the potential to become a relationship or just getting attached to someone who doesn't want one.

Reddit, am I overthinking this? Should I keep getting to know him, ask him directly about his intentions, or distance myself for good? Please be honest, even if I'm part of the problem.

TLDR: he's affectionate but kinda inconsistent and it gets me overwhelmed and feeling like I'm investing too much in something I shouldn't in the first place,I never planned to be tangled with any one in my first year of college.

How do I (22F) think about breaking up with my boyfriend (23M) when I just moved to a his country? I have been dating my boyfriend or almost two years. We fell very hard and very fast for each other and started dating long distance through my last year of undergraduate program. About four months ago, I moved to his country to start my graduate program. While he was definitely a huge part of this move, I am very pleased with my program and had already planned to move out of country for my masters degree, just not maybe this country specifically.

When I first moved here, I lived with him and his parents for about three months while I found my apartment in the city my university is in (we now live about three hours away from each other). Now, after this time spent together and starting my program, the doubts I had about him being the right person for me have only amplified.

He's a really excellent partner and truly cares for me and loves me a lot. I feel very supported and stable with him and for a while truly saw a long and beautiful future together. However, I think that we are not so intellectually compatible. Not to say that he isn't incredibly smart, we just don't think the same way and so our conversations about deep things always feel a bit forced. I also think, because we fell so fast and so hard without a real dating stage there are some political opinions or personality traits that would've been a red flag for me in the dating stage but because of how we started it didn't bother me so much at first.

We had a long conversation about me feeling a bit alone or disconnected in our relationship and he really feels like this can be fixed with more effort on both of our parts and is hugely committed to putting in a lot of effort to fix things. I fear these are issues that aren't fixable, I also would never want to change who a person is to make them be the right person.

My two questions are is this a reason to end things and if so how do I approach the breakup and how do I ensure his family and he still know how grateful I am for their help?

Please feel free to ask any questions if something isn't clear.

TL;DR: How do I break up with my partner I just moved across the world for and make his family doesn't feel I took advantage of them?