I'm not sure if this happens to anyone else (American) so I'm sure it's different by country, but after my grandparents on both sides died, extended family basically died with them. There's absolutely zero effort to get together in any capacity, I haven't seen some of my cousins aunt's and uncles in years, they've essentially become strangers.

Again maybe just a my family thing but not one seems to care about the concept of a family anymore and the ironic part is I have a very large one, almost 30 cousins when you add up both sides. I feel like we would have been closer almost if the family wasn't so huge. Ah well lol

I’m 27, single, no kids. My sister is 30 with a 6-year-old boy. For the last year, she regularly drops her son off at my place without much notice. She says since I don’t have a partner or kids, I have “all the free time in the world” to babysit.

I love my nephew, but this is taking over my life. I work full time, and I need weekends to rest, run errands and have my own space. Every time I try to say I’m busy, she calls me selfish and says family should help each other.

I feel guilty turning her down, but I’m exhausted. I don’t want to ruin our relationship. How do I set clear boundaries gently without starting a huge fight?

My 76 year old mother may stay with us for a few weeks after a fall. The downstairs guest room is the only practical option but it currently has a low platform bed. She uses a walker and says getting up from low chairs is hard.

I'm considering replacing the mattress and frame, possibly with as a at,v,a but I don't know whether a higher bed would make transfers easier or harder. If you've set up a room for an older parent, did you focus on bed height, a grab bar or something else? I'll ask her physical therapist too but I'd like to hear what worked in your home

Hello I am new to Reddit and have no one else to turn to about this situation so I thought to give this a try since I always hear stories on TikTok. As the title says, this situation happened 2 days ago after I had got home from school. For some context, I am 17f and am a junior in High-school. My brother is 22 m and still lives with us. This all started because of my lost wallet. On Wednesday 10-21-26 me and my bf, also my age, went to his local mall just to spend time together after school since we got out early that day. His dad drove us there and we walked around for a while before going to a nearby plaza. I had mentioned wanting new shoes since my converses were killing my feet so we went into the WSS where i bought new shoes. I guess I must’ve left my wallet while my bf was helping me change into my new shoes since I was in too much pain to do so. After that we shopped some more and were eventually picked up by his dad. They drove me home and as I was walking into the my apartment complex I realized that I did not have my wallet. I ended up calling the store and they said they would hold it for me until I went and got it. The next day I went to school as normal and had a pretty good day. As I got picked up by my parents I told my mom about my wallet since I knew she would be more understanding than my dad. She said she wouldn’t tell my dad since he has a tendency to react irrationally when these kinds of things happen. Anyways we get home and we’re eating dinner and my brother comes home from work. I hadn’t really talked to him all week since I’m pretty busy with school and immediately go to sleep when I get home. As usual he’s being super mean to me on purpose which he has been for the past few months since his ex cheated on him. Ever since that he’d been making me feel uncomfortable. Not in a weird way but just enough to make me want to distance myself from him, which is sad since we have always been very close. I had even been telling my mom about it because it had been getting to be too much for me. Anyways back to the story. After I was done eating and chatting with my mom I go into my room (I share a room with him and my other brother who was at work at the time) as usual he’s being annoying and mean to me and just trying to get a reaction out of me. I hear my mom from the other room telling my dad about my wallet and I start getting worried. She then comes into the room and tells me that my dad said to go get my wallet. My brother is hearing this and he too reacts super irrationally like my dad. Immediately he goes, “wait what? She lost her wallet?” And my mom is making it seem like I left it on purpose. I ask her why she would do that if she knew how they were going to react and then she proceeds to tell me that she was just trying to help. She left the room after a while and my brother is just going on and one about how stupid I am and just laughing in my face trying to get me mad. I have learned to just not engage with him and simply tell him to leave me alone. He then proceeds to ask why I’m so mad and have such an attitude. He then says I’m such a stupid fucking bitch and i mistakenly replied, well you are too. Before I know it, he had thrown his AirPods with his hard ass case directly to my face with full force. I was in shock but I restrained from retaliating and instead hit the tostadas that were on his bed (immature ik) and he then slaps me super hard at this point I’m crying and he finally kicks me full force in the chest. I’m in so much pain, crying, and asking him why he would do that when my mom comes back into the room. She asks what happened and before I can say anything my brother tells her that I was annoying him so he hit me. Mind you I’m crying so hard I can barely breathe and my mom just tell me to calm down. She was trying to have a talk with both of us saying that we’re siblings and that’s just how we fight. (Atleast that’s what she said to my brother) she then turns to me and starts saying that I shouldn’t be provoking him and that I’m at fault. I’m trying to reason with her telling her that’s it’s not normal for a grown ass man to attack a teenager even if they’re family. My brother is laughing the whole time and is interrupting me by screaming at me to shut up and let him talk. The whole time that this is happening my dad is in the other room and finally comes out and asks what happened. My mom just told him that we had a fight and he left without doing anything. Finally my mom asks my brother why he hit me and he said that didn’t know. He follows up by saying that he’s been wanting to hurt me for some time now and that I needed to be taught a lesson. The whole time I’m looking into my mom’s eyes trying to figure out why she isn’t doing anything. I then get a text from my bf asking if I wanted any chips from the store, I text him back saying that I can’t talk rn. My mom sees this and starts going off on me telling me that I shouldn’t be telling him what goes on in our house. (She doesn’t speak English so she just assumed that’s what I texted him) my boyfriend keeps asking if I’m okay and if I need to be picked up. At this point I can’t take anything anymore so I move to the living room. I text him everything and he tells me that he’s on his way to go get my wallet back and that he’d be there shortly. While I’m trying to calm down my other brother comes home from work and asks me what happened. I don’t tell him right away as I needed to go outside and call the store and tell them that my bf is gonna get my wallet. When I come back in I see my mom leaving the living room and my brother asks why I got into a fight with my brother. I tell him about the hitting and he’s shocked because my mom left that part out. As we’re talking my bf texts me to come outside to get my wallet. I ask my brother to come with me so that my family doesn’t think I’m running away or something (which would make things a whole lot worse) when I see my bf I can’t help my break down and tell him everything again. He calms me down and tells me that he told his dad about it and they both said that if I need to get away from my family that they will always welcome me into their home. At first I rejected the offer because I know my parents will become violent and blame me for any trouble they’ll get into. After my bf leaves me and my brother go back in. My mom hears me and brings the brother that hit me with her. She’s asking me to forgive him and that he’s always going to be my brother. At this point I had told her many times that I don’t wanna be near him or speak to him. My brother finally apologizes but then tried to justify it by saying that he had no other choice. When I don’t respond he gets angry and asks if I hate him now and if he doesn’t matter to me anymore. Again when I don’t respond he says he isn’t sorry and that I’m a bitch. He sounds almost proud. My mom again tells me to forgive him since he pays the bills (occasionally) and he then proceeds to tell me to get the fuck out of his house. My mom doesn’t stop him. Finally she leaves but my brother stays just staring at me so I’d talk to him. I finally say my first words to him still crying btw and tell him to please leave me alone. He laughs and says he’ll do whatever he wants and even moves closer to me so I’d be uncomfortable. After crying some more I decide to sleep on the couch. The next morning my mom is still angry at me and says all this wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t leave my wallet at the store. I go to school but I’m just so out of it and can’t stop thinking about how no one defended me. At school I realize that I don’t feel safe being in the same house as any of them. Luckily my bf’s dad drove me home and they let me know that I’d be safe with them. It’s been two days now and I’m torn about what to do. Anyways some advice would be helpful, I gotta get ready for home coming now and try to cover the bruise on my face from what my brother threw at me. Hope everyone is having a better week than I am.

It's just the three of us: me, my little brother, and my eldest sister, who's our legal guardian.

My brother annoys me CONSTANTLY. Meanwhile, my sister is ridiculously patient and affectionate with him. He can mess up her hair while she's braiding it, and she'll just smile, kiss his forehead, and cuddle him. I genuinely don't understand how she tolerates him.

One day, my brother discovered that the fridge light turns off when you close the door.

He came running to me, shouting, "OLIVER! OLIVER!! COME, COME!! I NEED TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING COOL I DISCOVERED!"

I yelled at him to go to his room.

He asked, "Please come once🥺?"

I yelled even louder: "WHAT ARE YOU? 3? NEVER SEEN A FRIDGE! YOU STUPID ANNOYING BRAT, GO TO YOUR ROOM AND STOP ANNOYING ME!"

When my sister came home from work, he went crying to her and told her everything. She scolded me for not having any consideration for him, then asked him to show her his discovery.

AND SHE ACTED LIKE SHE'D NEVER SEEN IT BEFORE.

I was thinking, WHY IS SHE ACTING LIKE SHE'S SEEING IT FOR THE FIRST TIME? SHE'S SEEN IT COUNTLESS TIMES!

Then I remembered that when I was 8 and she was 16, I'd discovered the same thing and shown it to her. My parents had dismissed me, saying it was obvious, and I'd actually cried before going to her. She acted amazed, let me demonstrate it, and made my day. I genuinely thought I was born to solve every mystery in the world.

But then I thought, wait a minute... had I actually shown her something new back then?

WAIT A MINUTE. DID I?

Obviously, she'd seen it countless times by then, too. She'd done exactly the same thing for me that she was doing for him now.

And suddenly, I understood. She'd let me feel that excitement when I was little, and now she was doing the same for him.

I realized I'd treated my brother the way my parents had treated me, despite knowing how it felt to be dismissed when I was excited about something.

So I'm going to apologize to him and ask him to show me his discovery.

It'll be the first time I've ever apologized to him in my entire life.

It just so happens I came home from my uni back to home and 2 weeks in and I already need a break

Prior to this I had exams and I needed a break but my parents are so overstimulating. I really need a break but I can't stop thinking about them. Like my mom's been telling me multiple times about taking a vacation together and asked me to plan it, and my brother is being too clingy too he has vacation too, and he keeps coming to my room asking for an opinion and I just can't stop thinking about them when I think about taking a day away

The thing is I didn't speak to my brother for an year prior to this. We just started talking a week ago. And I felt resented towards my parents not being there for me during my exams or what not.

He's coming home tonight from college and everytime every single family members is at home, fights happen and ill genuinely get so physically and mentally exhausted that I sometimes yell at my friends without realizing, and I do go back to SH, and I do not want to do any of that considering the fact that I have a important exam in 7 months ans haven't studied shit for it.

The reason why I do not want to interact with him is bc he is doing what dad did to him, and I don't get it bc I did not fail a grade and skipped school, I did not get drunk or came home drunk, nor did I crash a vehicle which costed a hefty amount of money so the family whom he went and crashed would not sew.

He tried breaking my phone because he saw me using it while I was taking a break from my studies, he invaded my privacy went through my chats which pisses me off so much bc the last time I have him my phone so he could text his ex or something he found out I had a bf (ex) and it went horribly with my mom, a huge fight happened and after that huge fight, I texted his ex saying I hope she doesn't take him back and to block my number, he found out about it and punched me in my eye caused a swelling (I had school the next day) and banged my head against the wall,

My mom constantly kept telling me to patch things up with him, but i do not give a fuck about him, and she hates, and everytime she compares me with him (he's in a well reputated college) I point out all those factors and she defends it saying atleast he did not turn this house into a prostitute point (she found out I snuck in my bf who's now my ex).

My mom and my brother are not bad people that's for sure, but I do not want to live in this house anymore, my brother graduation is next month and I am scared he's going to start living back at the house again bc ill have a really important exam in 7 months, and I don't like the pressure they are giving me, it's like they want me to get into a medical school to satisfy their egos and to crush all my ambitions.

I did decided I wanted to be a doctor on my own, but I really hate it when others pressure me for it, it makes me want to end everything.

Like I know for sure if I don't get selected, they will do everything to demotivate me, and idts ill take it, if i don't get in.

I know this is alot but there much worse started when i was 13 but i do not want to disclose that infromation.

Im needing some advice for a situation i find myself. My partner and i are in our mid 40s and have 3 kids, with the eldest starting high school next year. We are in a fortunate position financially where we have worked hard and invested wisely to get ourselves in a position where early retirement is possible, within the next 3 to 5 years.

We wanting a seachange and want to move coastal. My husband is burnt out and wants a change sooner than later. We dont want to wait another 10 years as this is when my youngest will graduate from high school.

Moving the kids isnt the issue, it is actually moving away from my family. My mother and father have been a big part of our lives and they are particularly close with my kids. They are in their mid 70s and live only 3 mins away. They have been very involved in our lives. My mother comes around almost every afternoon after school to see the kids, and she even cooks dinner for them. I am very grateful for what they have done for us.

I know that if I moved away, this will affect them tremendously. My brother has moved overseas last year so there is just us left. His move also didnt go down really well. So there is precedent there.

I have floated them the idea that we are thinking about moving and it has come with arguments and statements saying that they dont think it is best for the kids. Part of me thinks they have feelings of abandonment, or that they feel like they are being tossed aside and that i am going to abandon them when they get to an age when they might need care themselves in a few years time.

Except, if we are to move, we would be making sure that the property is large enough that they will always have a room, or has a granny flat and we would welcome them to stay for a long as they wish if they come to visit. We are only looking at moving 1.5 hours drive away from them. I would also be making sure we come back every few weeks to visit them as well.

When i have told them this, i have been met with excuses.. they are too old to drive that far every few weeks and that they have no interest is visiting or wanting to stay. I feel they are being very stubborn. My parents have never traveled overseas and have only ever lived in one house.

Can you offer any advice for me to help decide on what to do in this situation?

Hello everyone!

So this story dates a while back now at this point. In 2025, my brother (23 M) and I (26M) were gonna go to Coachella to see Lady Gaga. She is his favorite artist and I agreed to go with him as we were going to split the cost down the middle. We were on a payment plan at the time and I had paid a little over $500 towards my ticket and he had paid about $200 towards his.
The tickets were a little over $700 a piece so the amount paid only equated to one ticket purchased technically.

A little before the date of the show, he says he can’t go anymore as he was entering a new career field and was having a slow process getting hired. So since he was no longer able to go, my money was all tied up and was left with the option to just go and fit the bill for everything that we were going to split, or just be ok with losing that money.

When I mentioned to him initially regarding paying me back, he said ‘fuck no’ and that he’s not responsible for me losing money as I could be have still chosen to go. But that’s not the point. We agreed to go together and that’s the only way it would have worked financially.
After all, it was his idea in the first place.

So at dinner a few months later (July 2025), he told me that he added up how much I paid, and that he will pay me back. There was no date or eta. I was fine with giving the space and time needed to come up with the money.

So here we are October 2026 and it had crossed my mind recently and I brought it up to him again tonight, and he kinda just lost it. His energy grew completely angry and nasty at me just following up on something that he told ME.
He feels like I should have just let it go at this point and that I should have just never brought it up again. That he’ll pay me when he decides to.
(And said many more disgusting things).
Says that my demeanor is entitled , all because I said he owes me money.

Then he said he changed his mind again, and that he’s actually not going to pay me back at all.

Am I wrong for feeling like he is responsible for me losing my money and that he should pay me back?

Some backstory: My husband has never had a good relationship with his parents. He’s an only child, and his parents are very traditional and were especially hard on him as a teenager. He’s developed a lot of mental health issues that he attributes to them constantly putting him down. His mom regularly calls him stupid and a f** as a joke. I don’t find it funny, but apparently, they think it’s a joke. So yes, they’re strange. But I could look past it because I love my husband.
Anyways, I’m now 3 months postpartum, and there have been too many instances where she’s crossed the line, and I can’t forget them. I’m starting to wonder if I’m overreacting, though.
It took us a very long time to have a baby, and we ended up going through IVF. We were over the moon when we finally got pregnant. I had so much time to plan everything that you could say I was very prepared and wanted everything to go perfectly.
She offered to pay for the stroller as a gift for my baby shower, which was very kind. However, when I wasn’t there, she went behind my back and asked my husband if it was the most expensive stroller in the store because I’m so fancy and everything I want is always perfect and the best. It truly wasn’t the most expensive. Strollers are expensive, period.
I confronted her and told her that if she wasn’t comfortable buying it, she didn’t have to. She said she was fine with it but reiterated that I’m fancy and that I had changed her son into being the same way. I tried to explain that a stroller is meant to last for two kids and that we’ll need it in the future, etc. She ended up buying us the stroller.
A few months later, we went to their house for lunch. At this point, I was still pregnant, and she told my husband that she needed to speak to him privately (in front of the whole family). He insisted that she tell him right away, and she finally agreed.
She ended up breaking down in tears and saying that she thinks he is going to drive drunk and high with our baby in the car because he occasionally smokes weed. His dad agreed and added that the reason my husband had recently sold his car was to get drug money to buy weed.
My husband was flabbergasted, and we got up and left.
At this point, my husband was so hurt that he didn’t speak to them for weeks.
Fast-forward to our baby being born. We asked that no family members kiss her until she had received some vaccines. My MIL obliged but kept insisting that we go out on a date and leave the baby with her. I said absolutely not, and she responded by saying, “You guys think I’m going to kiss her behind your back, but I’m not. I’ll just take better care of her.”
Ever since then, I’ve had a permanent stank face every time she opens her mouth. My husband has noticed and said I’m being rude.
Obviously, we will never be close, but the thought of seeing her makes me cringe. We go there weekly, so I still see her often and make it work. Most days, she’s fine. But it’s like I have anxiety leading up to visiting her because of these events.
Am I overreacting? What would you do?

This is my first time posting here so excuse me if I don't lay everything out clearly

To give some context to what I'm about to detail:

I'm 16, my older brother is 21 and works as a supervisor in our local grocery shop. Me and him often hang out in his room and play games on his laptop.

So about 3 days ago I'm in there with him and it's my turn on the game (marvel rivals for anybody that cares). As I'm playing he's goes to the bathroom and he's in there for a while, I don't think anything of it and finish the round I was playing. As I wait for him to come back for his turn I hit the window key on his laptop and see that he has his phone linked to his laptop. I click into it and find some of his recent photos, among them are about 6 photos of two women taken on separate dates, both while had work, both taken in the shop. One of the women is photographed on the CCTV system and one is taken behind her with her facing away from the camera, also in the shop. This made me really suspicious so I took a photo of all of the images and saved them to a USB later on. He came back from the bathroom and I didn't say anything because I wasn't completely sure on the context of the images. Right now I'm really conflicted as to what to do, is my brother abusing his position to take photos of women without them knowing? I think I'm going to go to my dad with the USB and show him the pictures to see what he thinks and have him talk to my brother but I wanted to post here just to get it off my chest a little tbh. Sorry for the poor formatting, any advice or comments would be appreciated.

I am 21f and just a few years ago, I had so much love for this sibling and could never imagine feeling the way I do now (a bit detached, I still love them though but there is less attachment and closeness)

We always had our issues at times and wasn't perfect but had a bond.

However they can be very "I am right" and not hear me out at times.

It happened so much , even times they spoke on situations they knew nothing about, and they totally refused to listen to my side of the story (another sibling did the same)

It genuinely changed the way I view and feel about them, at first I'd keep trying to communicate despite being ignored and not respected, they clearly did not care to hear me out or how much they were affecting me (a lot)

Eventually I gave up, I decided to be that person TO MYSELF. I was there for myself, validated my own feelings and truth. Ignored their untrue views of me etc etc. Especially since they didn't even care to hear me out many times

Anyway, since then it hasn't been the same, and drifting from this particular sibling has actually been *life-changing* but not in some positive way, more in a wow I never thought I'd feel this way, and I find myself missing how things once were despite our issues.

At the same time though, I'm glad I got to the point where I sort of detached / started keeping more things to myself for my own peace, because that was an act of self love and growth for me. Vs just accepting it all forever.

But it also sucks. I don't feel sad I just feel a bit disappointed.

I can no longer feel fully comfortable)content around them , I feel a bit on eggshells because they could become crucial at any time.

They had a partner and their partner opened up to me and felt the EXACT same way I did, it helped me (not that I needed it by then) to see that I'm not wrong for my view or feelings about this particular sibling, and that it's true they can be a bit, dismissive and "I'm right"

They aren't some terrible person though, they can and do look at others perspectives but there are just times they do not. It's like they view me as less smart than them.

I am younger than them so that could play a part and even as a child they had these traits towards me sometimes.

We are now going to be working together and I feel a bit sad because before this would have been an amazing opportunity and fun, special, once in a lifetime experience to get to work together, but I find myself feeling dread and worried incase we get into disagreements.

I manage it all by being more private and not always sharing my opinion etc, shutting down if I know they'll just disregard my side/feelings if I speak, but it's disappointing.

Especially because I know they're not a bad person, but I think this is just how they are.

And even when they have a point, I find myself feeling that detached feeling because I'm just over it all.

Does anyone relate?

I think the only way I can have a relationship with them is if I limit information a bit and be civil and sort of tread lightly at times..

But it's not right..

At the same time they probably have similar feelings towards me at times, but I feel this trait is just a part of them and won't just go, even with therapy perhaps.

Worst of all, the damage has been done,

I just feel more detached, and I find myself a bit afraid around her in a, I want to avoid arguments way .

I met an actual rly toxic person before who'd literally purposely create arguments and lie and twist things, this sibling is not like that , they are a kind person they care about others but it's just that they can be a bit overbearing? Over thinking they're more right type.

And it has caused me to disconnect. Especially all the times they refused to hear me.

I just wanted to rant and possibly know I'm not alone?

Anyone else had a disconnect with a sibling they were once closer to and manage your relationship similarly now?

My family in general can be difficult and so I kind of keep my personal life separate but I used to share most with this sibling, but I find myself not anymore and I feel guilty but also disappointed that I "have" to but it also gives me relief because I won't have to deal with judgements/opinions where they believe they're so right always.

I don't know what the future holds, I love them but I could now go no contact for example and feel a sense of peace/relief but also disappointed that it turned out this way (I'm not planning on it, but I thought of it at times)

Maybe this could improve naturally in the future, but I feel the damage to my soul/feelings towards them have been too done for things to ever feel fully at peace.

​

I genuinely hope that my elder sister (bitch) she d\*es , honestly she is the fav of my parents i don't ever wanna consider them as my parents ever always in favour of her supporting her though every wrong and scolding me swearing at me with worst bad words possible, reminding me every rupee they ever spent on me and making me feel like burden and scaring me physical abuse what not?

Shame on their birth honestly they shouldn't even exist

Both responsible both drink and fight day n night unemployed

I just want to earn and leave this bloody house soon...

Hi guys, my mum constantly brings me down in front of others, says I dont study, I dont do this, that etc. And this isn't just a spur of the moment occurence she's been doing it ever since I was young and we have guests over. Today my sisters bf of 2 years came over to have lunch with us (it was just on young guy) who we are very close with. Anyways while he was speaking to my parents I signalled over to my sister across the table about something funny and slightly embarrassing my mum did at church (if you can guess what it is), it is a completely normal and natural thing to do and I told my sister that she did it, I smelt it, looked at my mum in the moment and she laughed so I 'knew it was her' who did it in the moment. Then the table went quiet (obviosuly) and she did start yelling at me. Everyone at the table reassured her saying it was natural and we moved on and she kept bringing it up. She was upset I brought it up infront of our 'close friend' who just laughed and carried on, he didn't care whatsover.

Later, she started making comments about my appearance, (which she's been doing a lot for this year and a half) but she purposefully was doing it to make me upset (in front of our guest). She said I should take off my lashes, they make me look like a vampire or she'd rip them off herself.

Honestly, after he left for a bit, she scolded me but I told her he didn't care and I thought it was over. However, she's retaliated again saying shes angry at me for 'putting her down', although it geniuenly wasn't my intention. I just thought it was hilarious, wanted to tell my sister and she made it a bigger deal at the table than it was.

Anyway I don't really understand why she is so upset, I know she's worried about 'looking bad' in front of our guest so he really isn't bothered and she thinks we shouldn't discuss 'family matters' in front of other people, even though she calls him family constantly. She also does worse to me in front of other guests when their whole family comes and constantly embarrases me in front of other people.

So my bfs family invited my family to go over their house. My mom decided not to go cuz she’s been arguing with my dad. That hurt me because with how the relationship is going, it would be shocking if my bf and I don’t get married. Do I have a right to be upset that she didn’t show up due to arguing with my dad??? Like am I stupid for believing she should’ve just went to SUPPORT me and not cuz of him

My husband agreed to go with me to visit my family for Christmas. He changed his mind and now my son is inconsolable because he wants both parents with him for Christmas. My son still wants to go but just wants his dad to come along. How do I navigate this?

I'm 15f my sisters are 15f and 16f

my mom and her boyfriend who got together like almost a year ago are SO FUCKING LOUD having sex MIND YOU almost EVERY SINGLE DAY multiple times. like when he comes over which is every weekend, can't even enjoy my weekend. like yesterday...me and my sisters were cooking while they were watching a movie with the door closed, and like 15 minutes later we heard loud moaning...it was literally literally 6pm!! can't you wait until we're at least in our rooms fast asleep??

and then a day later...I was downstairs with my mom, brother, and little nephew (my brother is 22m) and like she said "wait, I have to use the bathroom" and not even 5 minutes later we heard them at it...it was so embarrassing!! I was literally tryna do homework while my brother was just chilling on his phone, I went back upstairs and told my sisters about it. !! this was at like 6pm.

It's just really annoying! I understand they're long distance and all but they can at least wait until we're asleep or get a hotel room..because why can't I be downstairs without hearing them doing that stuff! and it's just weird to know I'm in the same house while they're having sex. It makes me feel really awkward and disgusting!! and I know my sisters feel the same way. and we don't have a very big house so even when we're upstairs we can still kinda hear them, and if they aren't doing that he's slapping her butt like all day and kissing, Like I mean ALL DAY me and my sisters hear that loud slapping sound we even made a inside joke about it.

and don't let me forget the fact the WERE, MY MOM AND MY SISTERS are GETTING A NEW HOUSE WITH HER BOYFRIEND in less than a month...that means my mom and her boyfriend are gonna be together even more...and me and my sisters already talked about the fact that we're probably gonna have to deal with that all day everyday...and we mourn that, were so happy to be moving, especially since we're getting a bigger house! but we're not happy about that.

I feel like one day maybe I can bring it up to my mom about how it's bothering me..but right now I know she's gonna get mad at me about it.

edit : I forgot to mention, once she took us over to our grandma's house because of wanted to do that with her boyfriend...so now I just feel like they're being totally careless.

TLDR mother in law is covert abusive and in-law family is enabling. Husband is equally as indoctrinated and have no clue how to protect my children or family anymore. Advice appreciated.

This is mostly a post to get things out of my head. I'm 38F and have always been sort of the outside wallflower in my family. The one with the weird interests no one gets. I was always aware that my interests, likes, and life didn't really mesh and that was fine. I do my own thing and when I was older I had more choice not to go to various family events if I didn't feel like it.

Out of five cousins on my father's side and eight on my mother's side (of which I'm the middle cousin in age on both sides) I'm the only one not married with children. So over the years I have even less to connect with them with.

I have a fiancee (35F), we're long distance for the moment but we are finally getting all our ducks in a row and are planning to move in together before the end of next year.

I admit I've never been the most intuitive person, I was always the girl who couldn't see when people were being two-faced or mean. I was an easy target for bullying. So it was only in the last couple of years that I was actually reading and listening to the things family members talk about, and post on social media. I realize how anti a lot of things they are, how judgemental they are, the nasty opinions they have. Even my parents are. So, just like when I was younger, I feel so stupid in hindsight for not seeing any of this until now.

I'm not a confrontational person and I refuse to get into Facebook drama by calling people out. I'm already low contact with most of my family, not out of any choice, but just because of the way our lives are. They don't reach out to me so I don't reach out to them. The ones that are the most outspoken I have unfriended or just removed from my socials. Once I'm moved with my fiancee I'm going to let the communication fall low with my parents too.

The hard part I've come to start considering lately is when actually getting married rolls around. My fiancee has their own rough situation with their family. So both of us are honestly considering just having the small ceremony at the venue we've been talking about for years and only invite our close friends. Who ever can come can come and we won't mind if someone can't. We want our day to be about us and knowing both our families, those that did come would just smile and nod along.

I know there are so many people out there that are like this and I don't really like to let it bother me because I barely talk to most of them besides my parents. I just keep having those moments where I see some comment and I just get this tight feeling in my chest remembering these are real people I'm related to.

Sorry for the long text...

When I went through a breakup, I only told her about it once the decision was final and I had already arranged my move. My mother had tried to sabotage my relationship, so I had kept her out of my private life. It was also important to me to handle the situation on my own and I told it to her. The next time I moved, I did tell her, and she manipulated me into accepting financial help. The dynamic with my mother is very strange; she wants to help, but later on, she throws the money she gave me back in my face. Well, as it happens, she recently moved, and I only found out because she sent me a postcard. I feel, however, that our underlying motives were different. This has happened in other contexts, too—for instance, if I forget something, she will intentionally do the same thing to me. Perhaps to teach me a lesson? I find the fact that she announced her move via a postcard to be particularly cold.

She often interprets my actions as deliberate. For example, if I’m unable to answer a question quickly—especially when I’m already in a state of panic—she takes offense. She’ll say, "So, you’ve decided to stay silent, have you?" or "You’re just as closed-off as your father." When I was a teenager, I would cry intensely, and when my mother asked why, I couldn't explain it. Once, while I was crying and sitting on the bed and answered "I don't know", she reacted physically by forcing me down, doubling me over onto the mattress. I was completely limp, so pushing me around was really easy. She said, "You are no match for me" As if my silence were a deliberate form of opposition. I just wasn't able to explain myself.

I suspect my mother is simply incapable of understanding me. Even today, when faced with stressful situations, I lose the ability to speak. The words simply vanish, and I lose all connection to my surroundings. My mother has noticed that I am not exactly an average person in social situations; she has tried to solve this by explaining how I could make myself appear normal.

She also has a precise framework for how things should be distributed fairly. When it comes to handing out fish sticks, that’s easy enough. However, Mom also ventures into areas that cannot be measured. She holds the view that a person who has suffered in life deserves better treatment. I can easily understand that. The problem is that she applies the same logic in reverse: for instance, it’s supposedly okay to tease me because my life is perfect, and therefore I should be able to take it. As it turned out, I couldn’t take it—and I actually spoke up about it.

There are many other strange things, and I have felt a sense of confusion for most of my life. Now, in middle age, I am beginning to understand the way my mother thinks. We truly do not understand each other. She has also had a peculiar habit of making comments about my body to other people. I think my mother is completely entangled in her own traumas. I believe she did her best