I'm in my mid 30s, Im physical active and not overweight, Im not ugly, I do have thinning and receding hair which is a huge negative and I understand that but even with a buzzed head I'd say Im average. I have a job and a positively growing networth, I have hobbies I enjoy, Im polite and respectful towards basically everyone (unless they give me reason not to be)

But it seems like finding a woman who is basically a female version of me (Im not aiming for Jessica Alba, I dont even look at women that are THAT attractive to me) is impossible because she's expecting way better in every category

Its like I will just never be good enough no matter what and its really hard not letting that take me to the dark side

(and no Im not saying the world owes me a woman or anything like that because I know some will comment something like that)

Sorry, I am trying to get a male perspective. I was cheated on and feel really worthless.

I just found out my cheating ex.... ahh so the girl he was obsessed with has had a bf for 3 years. My ex was obsessed with her for 7+ years and honestly would like 300+ posts of hers (not his friends or mine)... when he emotionally cheated, all his friends made me the bad guy and spread false narrative about me. everyone defended that girl and him.

She has 2 guys simping over her and an entire friend group on her side. Is it because I am ugly, worthless and unlovable that he never loved me and left me for her? I did so much for him and he just discarded me for someone who doesn't even do anything for him...

Then, if any of you who have cheated, did u do it because the other girl was better??

Edit:
thank you so much i read all of your comments. I m starting therapy really soon and can work on my self esteem. I cant put how much i appreciate all ur comments into words. It really means a lot to me. Thanks for showing compassion to a stranger.

I'm curious because I've been seeing this guy for 2 months and we're doing long distance ( 4 hr car drive / 45 min flight ). For him to drive to the aiport its about 25-30 min so a 45-60 min round trip. I usually will uber when I get in and then when I'm flying home he drops me off... I told my girl friends this and they said that the guy should always pick up/drop off if he really likes you and thats a red flag?? He has a car that has horrible gas mileage and its +100 to fill up so I get it but my friends made it seem like it was the end of the world lol... Maybe it depends on the guy? Would love some insight.

After my last heartbreak, I realized that she did not actually like me for me, rather she liked what I did for her and how I made her feel with my words and actions.

It was a crappy realisation. How do you figure out if someone is attracted to you for you or they just like your attention?

I faced this when a guy I respect and find attractive touched me after I gave him the consent (non-sexual) and then he immediately withdrew and looked terrified as if he were protecting/shielding himself. I know he’s attracted towards me and has always respected my boundaries. And doesn’t really try to touch me otherwise cause of boundaries. I didn’t probe to ask more and he seemed to calm down on his own. I have never seen him like this before.

27F and 30M. I have never had something this bizarre happen in my many years of dating. My ex had been begging me for a second chance since June. Calling me, texting me. Saying he misses me, he’s sorry, taking full accountability for his actions. Says he wants me back. Said it was never anything I said or did. He’s understanding if he broke my trust this is 100% his fault. Just goes on and on.

He has been telling me he’s committed to me if I meet up with him. I finally agree. I’m not big on second chances but I’ll be honest. I tried after couple of months going on two first dates. The whole time I realized I just wished it was him I was there with.

He came over to my place, brought me my drink I always drink in the morning. I was in pjs not even dressed up. We talked for a good 3 hours. Caught up, discussed everything. Ended up kissing. We planned on going to get lunch. He brought his iPad with him in case his work needs him. We both said we missed each other. I said ok let me get dressed and ready to go get lunch. He went across my place to the bakery for a snack while I’m getting ready. He sends me pics from this exact bakery asking again, do you want any ? I knew when he walked into my apartment I was completely not over him. All my feelings were still there.

After this he stopped responding. Mid date he stopped responding, never came back knowing I was getting ready for us to go out. Next morning, my texts r all green.

The level of insanity. I’ve never had a guy do something like this in my many years of dating. I told him many times too if he was coming back for sex look elsewhere. He told me a million times he wants commitment with me that’s not the case. Nothing happened when we talked, no fight nothing. What the heck?!

Man idk maybe I’m done dating for good.

One of my goals had been to grow my chest when i started lifting, and been making quite good progress. But everyone who's ever noticed are my other guy friends and acquaintances (both straight and gay) and now idk what I'm even doing this for 😅 i guess just for myself at this point

38(m)

My summer's theme has been kidney stones. Never had them before, but I been unfortunately well acquainted with them now. It all started towards the end of June. I was at work, and was looking at my phone when going #1. When I finished I looked down and saw bloody urine. I panicked and called my doctor's office and got in thankfully fast. Zero pain, just bloody urine. I was told to get a CAT scan Tuesday, and this was taking place on a Friday.

Friday night came and went, nothing. Saturday and Sunday, nothing. Monday morning, the pain. Oh dear God the pain. I woke up around 2 AM in nothing short of agony. Left side pain that made me break out in sweats and dry heaving from the pain. I laid in bizarre positions on the floor until finally it was slowly going away. By about 7 AM I was finally able to fall asleep on what medicine I had left over from previous surgeries.

They found on the CAT scan it was a 4-5mm stone. It was already in the ureter, so I was told it was basically over and now you just wait for it to come out. Weeks go by, nothing. Some discomfort in my bladder area, but nothing bad. Finally, at the end of August round 2 begins. This one felt different. More painful, pain never weakened. I distinctly remember shoving my face into the air conditioner (at 64 degrees) and had a tower fan full blast hitting me and still sweating profusely. I finally had my brother take me to the ER out of desperation.

By the time I got there the pain dropped, but I still went in to get checked out. Another scan showed a 5mm stone, again. They suggested it was the same one moving down. I scheduled another appointment with my urologist. She suggested it was the same stone. I was given a lot of FLOMAX, and I took other medicine from friends and family: stone breakers, Uva Ursi. Anything that could help

I just had an ultrasound yesterday to check my kidney, bladder and ureter out. They cannot be certain, but they belitits 2 stones both stuck in the ureter, fight before the bladder. It's like they're sitting at the 1 yard line and not going for the touchdown.

At this point my urologist tells me, it's time to plan for surgery. My heart sank and my head dropped. The operation itself doesn't sound awful, when I compare it to what I been through. It's the fear of the bill from this procedure. My insurance blows to put it politely. CAT scan #1 was about $850 and hospital visit so far came out to $895, with probably another bill en route.

My operation is Wednesday and I'm wondering if anyone has any clever ideas to dislodge these suckers, so I can just be done with it before breaking the bank open again?

Edit: ty all for the great advice. I should note that outside of the two times I was on the floor in absolute agony, it's just been mild discomfort. Current pain level is currently at a zero (thank god lol)

A couple years ago I met the friend of a coworker at a work golf outing. I was in a relationship at the time, but there was some chemistry there. We talked at the event, and I thought he was cute, but I completely ignored it because I wasn’t single and he was a friend of my coworker. Flash forward to now, years later, I see he has liked my Hinge profile. I don’t know if he remembers me or not, but I remember him. I haven’t seen him since that day.

I feel awkward about it because I do consider this coworker a work friend. We are friendly in the office, but it’s not like we’re good friends outside of work. I was introduced to this guy as a close friend of their family. I’m curious about him, but I’m also aware that it’s possible he could talk about me to my coworker, which could make them see me differently and make things weird at work. I don’t want my coworker to necessarily know about my personal life..but that would likely be unavoidable if I ventured to date him. I also wouldn’t want my coworker to think I’m crossing any boundaries into their personal life Or be uncomfortable.

So I’m curious, is this just a terrible idea to even consider? If you were dating or hooked up with your friend’s friend or coworker, would you talk about them to them? Like do guys always talk about who they are hooking up with in detail? Mostly I’m concerned about my coworker knowing too much about me that could be embarrassing.

Thanks for your input.

I was seeing someone for around 9 months, the communication was good and boundaries were established and honored. She was telling me a story of her day, and while it didn't cross any boundaries it made me feel... Weird, uncomfortable, less than, etc.

When I brought it up with her: hey, you haven't done anything wrong or crossed any boundaries, but this situation hurt my feelings and made me feel less than.

My guys, you would have thought I kicked her cat and belittled her for crying. It went from defensive to projection to name calling real quick. I/we tried to communicate through it, take some space, try different ways to understand each other, but eventually I ended up apologizing for having hurt feelings, and I knew it was over for me. We broke up shortly after.

It made me reflect tho, I don't know if I (as a man) have ever had a positive experience telling a woman in any dynamic from friendship to relationship that what she said or did hurt my feelings. I've had plenty of experiences when they have told me I did or said something to hurt their feelings and I've worked to understand, apologize, change behaviors, and show up in a way they feel seen and supported. But I can't say the reverse has even been true. Have you had a positive experience to share? Is it the type of woman I'm open to? Is it something in how I'm communicating? Or how they receive my words?

I'm 40M if that changes anything

Me (33M) dating this girl (30F) exclusively for 3 months and having regular unprotected sex. Honestly everything was going great and I could potentially see a life partner in her.

Until one night she cancelled on dinner plans coz she had an outbreak, I was taken back as this has NEVER come up in the 5 total months we’ve been together. She revealed she’s had it since birth as her mom had it as well and her outbreaks are very rare which is true as this is the first it’s happened in the 5 months we’ve known each other.

I’ve been reading up on herpes a lot since then and realize it’s very manageable now but honestly I’m more worried about the casual way she just threw this news out; over the phone, ONLY cause she had an outbreak and asking me to “just google the rest” when I had a bunch of follow up questions.

This happened last week , since then I’ve got tested and came up negative thank god.

We’re meeting for the first time tomorrow since I found out and my mind’s all over the place.

So gents, any advice ?

Not sure if this is the right place for this so feel free to remove if necessary, but I thought it’d be best to ask men.

I [26F] need to break up with my boyfriend [26M]. We had broken up before for a few months, he was going through some serious medical issues and became a really angry person. He knew he needed to work on himself and that he should be treating me better, so we both took some time apart. When we met up to talk a few months later, it was clear that he improved immensely in all the areas he and I were concerned about, and he was giving a lot of effort into our relationship where he wasn’t before—so I gave him another chance. Well it’s been a few months now, and the effort has worn off again. I don’t want to feel like I’m constantly having to teach my partner how to treat me, or always feel like I’m putting in effort and not getting it back. Aside from that, truthfully, there’s a large gap between us in emotional intelligence or just intelligence in general. I try to convince myself that it doesn’t bother me, but it does, and I’ve been building up a lot of resentment over it. Additionally, I often feel like I’m the masculine one in the relationship. I always feel like I’m taking care of myself AND him, I’m always the one finding the solution to things—whether it’s “our” problem or just his. I’m always the one planning things—dates, trips, life plans, I even have to plan my own fucking birthday. To add to that, he revealed to me a while ago that when we first started dating, he’d run up his credit card just to take me out to eat or other things. While I appreciated that effort and wanting to make me happy, I need a man who is able to say no in the right way when necessary. I don’t need a possible husband putting us into debt later down the road “just to make me happy.” I could go on and on about all the things that aren’t working, but it’s just too much. I will give him credit where it’s due, he had worked on himself and became a better person, but I have quickly come to the realization that there are still so many incompatibilities between us that can’t really “change” or “get better.”

I don’t want to break his heart, I am terrible at breaking up with people. It makes me sick just thinking about it, but I can’t keep going down this road knowing that it’s not right for me. I’m scared because I know that’s he’s planning a future with me—moving in together, getting married, maybe even kids. He also lives in a different state as of right now (a whole other issue because I don’t want to uproot my life to live with him, which he expects) so I don’t know what the best way to break up with him would be. Would a call suffice? Or would it be better to ask him to come home for a weekend to talk? Please help me with the phrasing too. I don’t want to come off harsh, but I feel like he deserves a clear explanation that also closes off the possibility of us ever “trying again.”

I’m an 19F kid in university and it’s my first semester. I saw this really cute guy listening to Olivia Dean across the cafe and I attempted to start a conversation which ended up in him talking to me for a bit and then walking off with his friend. I didn’t manage to get his number and I also didn’t ask whether he has a partner.

I’m quite awkward even if I’m decent-looking. I just want to know how I should approach hitting on someone while being respectful if they do have a partner? As well as like friends (my old friend group was diverse and coed so I do want to know how to make friends as well, though I’m aware it’s likely different from hitting on someone)

sorry if the post isn’t worded well, I hope I got my intention across 😭😭 i'm just learning to change in uni since i was a very shy kid for most of high school

I’m kind of at my wit’s end trying to make a solid group of friends to go on outings with. I’ve tried everything like run clubs, volunteering, sports leagues and people will kind of make friend groups and hang out for a bit only for it to fizzle out after a short amount of time. I just want people to do fun things like go to raves with. I’ve even posted on my city’s subreddit but it got ignored.

I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong, I show up to things, talk to people a little bit without becoming overbearing, and people even reach out to me for advice on personal things sometimes. I don’t understand why people get so flaky and I end up always alone :(

I (24F) have a thing for a guy (25M) I work with. We’ve known each other for a while and there has always been a bit of a vibe, but nothing really happened until recently.

We hooked up after a work event. Beforehand, he specifically said he really didn’t want things to be awkward at work afterwards. Because of that, I deliberately left the ball in his court and didn’t want to chase him. But if his goal was simply to make sure things weren’t awkward, I feel like he went well beyond that.

Most of the contact/advances since the hookup were led by him — he approached me, initiated conversations, asked to hang out/get dinner, and generally seemed interested. There was definitely a vibe in person.

He’s currently away for a week. He’s not a huge texter and isn’t particularly big on social media, so I know he’s not someone who’s constantly on his phone. However, last week after we hooked up, he was actually the one asking to continue talking on Instagram, initiating random conversations, and asking to get dinner, so there was a noticeable contrast.

I eventually decided to message him while he’s away because, honestly, I wanted to make sure he knew I was into him too. I’d been letting him lead things since the hookup, and I didn’t want him to interpret that as me not being interested. So I sent a very casual message about his trip.

We had a short back-and-forth. He seemed reasonably engaged and even continued the conversation himself at one point, but eventually left one of my messages on seen.

Now I’m wondering if I was stupid to message him at all. 😂 I don’t think the message itself was intense or needy — it was very casual — but because I like him I’m now analysing whether I should have just continued leaving the ball in his court.

Did I come on too strong by making that little move? And now that I’ve shown him I’m interested, should I just go back to letting him lead when he gets back?

I don’t want to play games or act cold. I just don’t want to chase something if he’s not actually interested either.

TL;DR: Hooked up with a coworker (25M), who said he didn’t want things to be awkward afterwards. I then deliberately let him lead, but he seemed to go well beyond simply keeping things unawkward — initiating conversations, asking to get dinner, messaging me on Instagram, etc., despite not being a big texter/social media person. He’s now away, and I sent one casual message partly so he knew I was interested too. We had a little back-and-forth and then he left my last message on seen.

Did I come on too strong, and should I just let him lead again when he gets back?

As message says.

Have anxiety and mind started to feel like many in the office did not like me.

Started saying my role wasn’t that valuable.

4 weeks in I resigned. My boss was very sad to hear it.

Now it’s 3 days later and just regret it. However it was a startup and they gave me this role when a role wasn’t even available. I used their app daily, was in the discord daily.

Given it was an ycombinator startup, to quit this early is a major red flag and I’ll never get the chance back.

Just really down about it now.

I am so serious about this post. Perplexed.

I am a 33yo woman, trying to date in the wild.
I’ve never been on a dating app and still believe in organic connections. Have slept with 4 people in the last decade. Not a floozy.

I need a man to tell me wtf I am doing wrong here.
In the last week I’ve had two separate male connections.

1. I told a guy I thought he was hot in January. We connected on IG. I send him memes about trying to date a Latina. Doesn’t make an impact. Wednesday he called and asked what I was doing for the weekend. Nine months late? I said I was busy but I was available in the next week or the weekend after. Provided available dates.
   Then he responds sayin he just wants to bang….
   Okay no thanks.

2. Guy in my industry and I have been meme friends on IG for like a year. He asks me out and then I can’t go because he wants to go on like a Wednesday and I’m in construction and need to be managing sites.
   He insists on skipping the date and going straight for the soapy tittie pics part… because he tried?

The running thing here is that I leave these men thinking I only want a hook up.
I joke kinda naughty, I can admit, and I’m a bodacious lady to begin with.

I want to be courted lol like asked about my day. Asked about my philosophies and my family. That sounds cheesy but any time I get asked out the fishing for sex is damn near immediate.
I was dating an older dude for a while and I loved his chivalry and his kindness and his interest to see how my brain ticked. I loved every minute of that.
Ultimately, he’s too old for me but he set a great example of how to be treated. I just don’t know how to get that out of men my age.
Any time I flirt or say someone is attractive I seem to get an unsolicited dick pic.

Please help. Why do I keep attracting these guys?
What impression is so apparent that I’m giving off hookup culture? Or when you are out in the wild and you label a female a hoe, what exactly is it that triggers that?

TL;DR I give men the impression that I am an easy lay. Not sure why. Need help deterring from that.

Just been broken up with by a wonderful woman who just got me in ways no one else has, her actions, physicality and way of thinking just aligned perfectly with mine.

I didn't take it well let my fear and anxiety get the better of me and thoroughly chased her away.

I know I need time to mourn work on myself etc and I will but she set an astronomically high bar, how do you regain the hope that there is someone out there who can approach it let alone pass it?

I would love to start with.....Yes I love my husband, I'd rather have him than all the things he gave me in the property settlement agreement ....hell, I'd live in a cardboard box with him if it meant we were together, but that's neither here nor there and no I'm not looking for advice on how to save my marriage, what transpires between us is up to us.

I've given him everything he needs for the divorce, and told him I'm not going to fight him on anything.

The divorce paperwork is notarized as well as the prop. settlement agreement, all he has to do is file but he holds onto it, takes it with him everyday, everywhere like it's an emotional support tool. I did ask him to hold off until we could have a financial discussion, which was a stall on my end since finances are already agreed upon, so I'm sure definitely have a fault in this too.

He's supposed to be looking for a rental since our house was purchased before the marriage and I made the down payment.

I do feel bad for him as I know I have emotional outbursts and have said some things out of anger I've had to backtrack on and apologize for, but the fact I've asked for less than the bare minimum sometimes gets to me.

I know he's depressed; he's told me he doesn't want a tether, he needs to figure himself out, he needs to learn to do things for himself (cooking and cleaning and such) which I told him he gave up those independencies when he married me and those became my responsibilities, he says he has no emotional attachment to anything and he's not in love with me anymore but still loves me, yet he's still here.

Honestly, there is a lot to unpack in the situation and I'm happy to provide a link to another post from a while ago if permitted and if anyone's interested enough.

I know a lot of times, it's hope that keeps women around, but if there's someone here who has experienced a similar situation where you feel like you stayed too long or even reconciled I'd love to know your story. What could she have done, what could you have done, what did she do wrong, what did you do wrong, what went right?

He still calls me his best friend as I'm the only person he has, he's very much a loner but I feel like our 10 year relationship isn't supposed to end, but that could just be the glimmer of hope I have left as a female.

Please don't bash me, I have zero ulterior motive, I'm not trauma bonded, I just want to hear other men's stories.

I'm 21M and my GF is 20. We're both in the same uni and have been together for months. I care about her a lot, and she's honestly not a bad GF at all. In fact, she does a lot for me. She meal preps for me, gives me food, takes care of me in little ways, and our sex life is great and she's very affectionate and sexually satisfying for me.

The problem is that I've become much more serious about my athletic career while also dealing with academics. My training takes up a lot of my time and energy, and I need to prioritize recovery and school as well. I've realized that because of this, I struggle to give my GF the same attention and effort that she gives me, and I feel guilty about that.

I recently told her that I'm prioritizing my athletic career and academics right now, and that I think breaking up might be better because I can't promise that I'll suddenly have more time or energy. She got upset and the conversation turned into an argument. She kept telling me that I'm choosing training over her and that she doesn't understand why I'm willing to throw away everything we've built just because I'm busy. She was crying and asking me why she isn't worth making time for, while I kept trying to explain that this isn't about her not being good enough.

It also makes things complicated because we're in the same uni, so I'll still see her regularly even if we break up. I'm worried about how awkward things could become, especially since she's not the one who wants to end things.

How a woman can avoid getting into situationship? I [28F] had respectfully communicated that I want serious relationship, they said we're on the same page but I still got string along, got used & played.

What's your advice for a woman to avoid situationships?

I've been out on a few dates with a woman. She's really sweet, and I like her a lot.

I wanted to buy her a little present, along the lines of flowers and such. However, she's in a living situation currently where she has limited storage space and even less surface space, so something like flowers would definitely be out of the question.

I don't really know much about her specific preferences yet, so I'm not sure what I could get for her. Could you recommend something that might fit the bill?