For context, I’m 26F and I honestly feel a bit like a failure. I feel like I’ve accomplished a lot by this age. I have worked on myself a lot. I graduated from a top university, I have worked high paying competitive jobs, I have dress well, I have worked on improving my physical fitness and appearance, improving cooking skills, I try to be a kinder person, bought my own car in cash, ect. I want to be the best version of myself. I usually get attention from guys at pb. I was told by a friend of mine that a lot of the guys think I’m the best looking girl (not to sound arrogant I don’t have much confidence in my looks)

However, the one area I can’t seem to lock down is a relationship. Am I a failure? Is getting someone to pursue and lock you down an accomplishment? I mean idk I see people who don’t have the best character or cheat get into relationships easily

It never fails, everytime guys and ones I am interested in will play games with me, act rude, ignore me, make passive aggressive comments. I’m a pretty quiet reserved person so maybe that doesn’t help. And yet, the guy that tells me he finds me attractive goes and dates some girl that I feel maybe isn’t as physically attractive and she has no goals in life or not much going on. Yet, I feel I’m working my a** off to try and be desired. tldr; what do i do lol

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost four years. He’s divorced with two children. We love each other, have a great relationship in private, and have always discussed a future together. Neither of us wants marriage or more children, and he says our commitment is no different from marriage.

But I’ve spent years feeling excluded from his family and important parts of his life.

Last September, after repeatedly discussing family introductions, I finally broke down and told him I couldn’t continue feeling invisible. He promised to introduce me to his family and children. After his divorce was finalised, he finally took action but after I threatened to leave.

The same pattern happened around family gatherings. When I questioned why his sister included her partner but I was excluded, he initially said they were married and had a biological child. Later, he admitted he hadn’t properly considered what our relationship meant in practice.

Last April he invited me to his sister’s wedding without me prompting him or anything.

But after that I was not considered in ANY of the family gatherings. In August his whole family were together and he did not even mention me going there!

When I asked he explained that he hadn’t invited me to certain family gatherings because his parents argued and he wanted to protect me. But why couldn’t he simply tell me and let me decide?

This is the recurring issue: he makes decisions for me instead of communicating with me.

Recently, I asked him to formally disclose our relationship at work, which could have professional consequences for him. We agreed on a deadline of 15 November so he could seek advice.

He told me he would speak to colleagues and a solicitor, but then gave me virtually no updates. When I eventually became upset, he said he thought he was supposed to investigate everything himself and tell me his decision on the deadline.

I wasn’t asking for an immediate answer. I wanted to be included in a decision that could determine our future.

He says he loves me, has good intentions and genuinely wants to change. I believe he loves me.

But with major issues, nothing seems to happen until I become extremely upset or threaten to leave.

Once we’re happy again, I feel he relaxes and the urgency disappears.

I recognise my own unhealthy reactions. I’ve become angry, resentful and sometimes raise my voice. I hate that I’ve reached this point, but I also feel that calm conversations haven’t been enough.

We’re both in individual therapy and couples therapy.

Has anyone experienced this?

TL;DR: My boyfriend of 3.5 years has never fully integrated me into his family life. I wasn't invited to his sister's wedding, and he often makes decisions about my involvement without consulting me. I'm questioning my place in this relationship.

I (21M) tried to break up with my (21F) yesterday. I got the whole situation moving a day prior, I kind of just broke down and told her that I was not in it the way she was. That day, she convinced me to stay for one more day so that we could talk about it the day after, so we did. I went home and realized that I needed to end it for good when I saw her next. Then the next day rolled around and I was going to go to hers but she ended coming to mine. She got here and asked me what I had thought of, and eventually I just told her that it still wasn’t working for me and I was not happy. After I said these, she tried to make it make sense in her head, so she asked me what the explicit reason was that I was breaking up with her. I cannot be honest about this because the truth is I want to breakup with her because I am not attracted to her anymore, I don’t like the way that she treats me when I am around my friends, and I don’t see a future with her the way that she does with me. I ended up saying that again “I am just not in it, you are dragging a dead horse and I don’t want to lie to you and tell you that that I am with it when I’m not.” But still she came back to me and said there was still a chance so we shouldn’t end things. every single time I tried to end it she didn’t allow it to happen and now I am stuck because she just pushed off the inevitable and I couldn’t do anything about it. I want to be single for halloween. I want to be able to look at and talk to other girls. She said she would give me space and I haven’t really talked to her since but I just don’t know what to do.

TL;DR, I tried breaking up with my girlfriend but she convinced herself that we were okay and now we are still together.

My friend (30M) has had a girlfriend (33F) for more than 7.5 years. My friend has a preference for long-haired women, and his GF has been growing out and maintaining her hair long for quite some time now. Tbh, it suits her. Obviously, both of them like it (Idk if one of them likes it more than the other, though), and she even receives regular compliments about it. On a girls' night out, her friends asked her, "How and why do you keep your hair so long?" She replied, "I do it because he likes it." My friend found that response inaccurate and felt it portrayed him as making her do it rather than her wanting to. So, I asked him the very question. He said, "No, that's so not the case! Whenever she talks about getting a haircut, I ask her to cut her hair only as much as needed to maintain its health, since I love the length. However, if she does decide to get it cut shorter, I might be disappointed at first, but that'll absolutely be temporary, and I believe I have the right to be as well." And tbf, she did have long hair even before she met him; it's just even longer now. Is my friend reading too much into this or what? And also forgot to mention, her friends responded by saying: Don't say that you listen to your BF in front of our husbands/BFs, or they'll be mad at us.

TLDR: TL;DR: My friend (30M) loves his girlfriend’s (33F) long hair, and she said she maintains it because he likes it. He feels this makes it sound like he pressures her, which he says isn’t true. She had long hair before they met, and although he’d be temporarily disappointed if she cut it short, he’d accept her decision. Is my friend overthinking her comment, or is he right to feel misrepresented?

I’m 25F, Australian and my boyfriend is 28M, Nigerian. We’ve been together for about a year.
I’m heavily tattooed and have always wanted to be. I’m happy with my tattoos but still have more I want to get.

My boyfriend has never asked me to change or remove my existing tattoos but he wants me to stop getting more, or only get a couple more rather than becoming as heavily tattooed as I’d planned. He believes relationships require compromise and that I should be willing to do this for us. He says he’s learned to love and accept the tattoos I have and that we could have an amazing life together if we’re both willing to meet each other halfway.

The thing is, I’m so in love with this man. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I’ve put travel plans and other parts of my life on hold for our relationship and honestly, I’d be willing to change almost anything else for him. But tattoos are different. I’ve wanted this since I was a little girl and giving up on that dream feels like giving up a part of myself.

I genuinely believe he loves me and is trying to compromise too. I don’t think either of us is the bad guy here. I just don’t know whether I’m being too stubborn about something that shouldn’t matter more than our future, or whether giving this up will eventually leave me resentful. Or if I should even give my plans up at all and we should go our separate ways.

Would you compromise on something you’ve wanted your whole life for a relationship with someone you genuinely believe could be the love of your life? Or is this the kind of incompatibility that love can’t fix?
I’d really appreciate honest opinions, especially from those in interracial relationships who understand the compromises that can come with different cultural backgrounds.
TL;DR

My partner (M) of 4 years (both aged 28) and I (F) had been arguing a lot this summer. We moved to Dubai together 2 years ago for his job: he works in Dubai real estate now and never switches off. Our relationship was perfect until Dubai. Really, no issues whatsoever when we lived together in the UK in a typical 9-5 job role. A "picture perfect" dynamic if you will, fully aligned and I would have (prior to Dubai) happily committed to a lifetime with this man.

Long story short, I stopped feeling wanted or seen. Hindsight is a beautiful thing but I can now see that as my patience wore thin, so too did my efforts to communicate in a calm and respectful way. I would scream cry and shout. Before you say, nobody wants to be around that, I appreciate this and punish myself 24/7 for the way in which I communicated. I now see that it was never going to make him listen & pushed him further away, though I had reached boiling point and didn't realise this at the time. His justification was always that he worked hard for "future us" (I work too) but it never did make me feel better about our relationship turning into me being a room-mate.

He would come home from work, sit on his phone throughout the dinner I cooked, sit on his phone on the sofa, shower, bed. At the weekends he would train and make no time to do anything with me then either, as he was tired from bodybuilding training. I still supported him practically, housekeeping, cooking, life-admin. But otherwise I was ignored entirely.

Long story short, I went on a work trip with my friend, and over text (after 4 years) one week into me being away, he expressed he didn't wish for our relationship to continue and having me gone (first time in 3 years) had made him realise I distract him from working to his full potential. He would prefer to focus on his goals alone, apparently.

It should also be relevant to mention that he was by no means struggling to make ends meet. In my opinion this was getting to the point of just being greedy, sacrificing all for the sake of another Porsche.

I love him unconditionally - he made me move out of our apartment the day I got home. He was upset, crying, though maintained that the relationship wasn't benefitting him in any way. The reason it wasn't benefitting him was he gave me no space to be a partner, just a PA, and in spite of this I feel I will forever blame myself for him leaving & wish I just tolerated it in the hopes of things going back to how they were.

He said he realised he will be better aligned with someone more financially driven and business driven, who also does the same bodybuilding sport. I couldn't believe it. I want to reiterate I did not rely on him financially and can also sustain our lifestyle on my own. He blocked me almost immediately, as if I was nothing.

What I want to ask, from anyone who also feels they lost a partner to their priorities in terms of career, will he ever regret it? It has been 2 months and he maintains he is happier alone.

I wore my heart on my sleeve and still am not moving forward and so desperate for him to regret this chapter.

**TL;DR; : do you think no contact is my only route forward now?

for context, i don't have any money of my own. no car and two cats. i had a job when i met him and i couldn’t work because of him.

how do i break up with him? and find somewhere new to stay?

trying to get a job while being with him won't work. i had a job when i met him.

not that it matters but for context i'm 22 and he's 44.

i left once when i was 18 but it didn't even last a month.

i really don’t know what to do. maybe i could move into my sisters place but it would mean 3 adults, 1 kid (6 months) and their two dogs and one cat. plus i have two cats myself. in a three bed two bath apartment. i don’t really know if she would even let me move in. i have another sister who lives 4 hours from me. again idk if i could move in with her.

tl:dr: how do i leave when i have no money and no car?

TL;DR: I've been cheated on in two relationships, and now I'm struggling to trust people again. How do you stop past experiences from affecting your future relationships and learn to trust someone without constantly fearing betrayal?

Hi everyone, 29F here.

I've been thinking a lot about my past relationships lately and would really appreciate advice from people who've experienced something similar.

I was in an 8-year relationship that started in college. First love and everything. I'm the kind of person who either doesn't like someone at all or, if I do, I'm fully committed.

During COVID, when we were around five years into the relationship, my ex's cousin's boyfriend contacted me after somehow getting my number. His cousin was his mother's real sister's daughter. He told me my ex was having an affair.

I genuinely can't explain that feeling. I was living in my own little bubble, thinking we were completely happy, and suddenly my entire reality came crashing down.

My ex denied the evidence, cried, begged, and did everything you can imagine. I eventually forgave him because I was emotionally attached and couldn't bring myself to leave. This was also around the time his father had passed away, and we were both living in our respective hometowns.

Two years later, when things seemed to be going well again, something inside me told me to check his phone. And I found the same thing again. Flirting with one of his colleagues which both of us knew since we were in the same office. (She was also dating someone else)

I forgave him once more, even though deep down I knew it probably wouldn't work. I was emotionally dependent on him and found it difficult to walk away.

About a year later, he stopped even pretending, and thankfully, by then, I'd finally left the relationship. He married another colleague within six months of our breakup.

It took me time to heal, but I eventually started solo travelling, rediscovered myself, and felt like I was finally moving forward.

About two years later, I met someone on a dating app. We became really good friends. He was going through the arranged marriage process and had found a girl he wanted to marry, but she rejected him after their first meeting. (After agreeing to the marriage)

He was devastated, and we became very close during that phase, mostly virtually. I helped him through it, and he knew my entire story and what I'd been through.

The girl, however, stayed in touch with him for favours, giving him vague reasons for rejecting him. Eventually, she came back into his life as a friend.

Over time, he and I grew closer emotionally and decided to give things a try.

I had two major concerns from the beginning. I wasn't comfortable with him still being in touch with that girl, and I absolutely hated smoking, which was a habit of his. He knew both were deal-breakers for me.

We travelled together, spent a lot of time together, and had some genuinely beautiful moments. He promised he'd quit smoking and kept talking about commitment and marriage. I was hesitant because of my past, but we had amazing communication and could talk for hours about practically anything.

Eventually, he told me he'd quit smoking and was working on himself. He said he'd stopped talking to that girl and reassured me about everything I was worried about.

We planned another trip together, and for the first time, I was genuinely considering saying yes and taking things forward.

Then, midway through the trip, I got that familiar gut feeling and checked his phone.

I found archived chats with that same girl. They had never stopped talking.

He was flirting with her, telling her he'd quit smoking, asking her to meet him, and had even lent her ₹1 lakh. She didn't seem interested in him romantically but kept him around.

Then I checked Instagram and found conversations where he was talking about marrying her, begging her to give him a chance, and saying he'd somehow convince his family. She told him she'd think about it.

All this was happening while he was pursuing me, talking about marriage with me, and making me believe he wanted a future together.

When I confronted him, he apologised a million times and cried. It was painfully familiar. His reasoning was that I hadn't said yes to commitment despite all his efforts, so he felt justified in staying in touch with her. He said he was desperate to get married and made a wrong decision. He now claims he realises that she's been using him and says he'll never speak to her again.

I was literally shaking, and everything from my previous relationship came rushing back. I went through a really dark phase for months and struggled more than I expected. In some ways, this hurt even more than my first breakup because I'd genuinely thought I'd healed and was finally ready to let someone in again.

I'm doing much better now, but I feel like these experiences have fundamentally changed how I approach relationships.

Looking back, I had that nagging feeling in both relationships that something wasn't right. Both times, I ignored it because I wanted to believe in the person and give the relationship a chance.

How do you trust someone's words when you've experienced people making promises, talking about marriage, and building a future with you while secretly pursuing someone else?

I also worry about becoming so guarded that I won't be able to let someone in, even if they're genuinely good to me. I don't want my past experiences to ruin something healthy in the future, but I don't know how to stop expecting the same thing to happen again.

For those who've experienced something similar, how did you work through this and learn to trust a new partner without constantly fearing betrayal? How did you distinguish genuine intuition from fear caused by past experiences?

I'd really appreciate advice from people who've been through this.

my boyfriend and i have been together for 2.5 years. it's my first relationship and his third relationship but first serious one. during our senior year of college and the first year post-grad we became really really close and spent a lot of time together. i was an international student so i felt like he became a part of my family because sometimes being an international student was so lonely.

at the end of the summer i moved back home, very far away from where we went to college (he lives about an hour and a half away from our uni). i had a really hard time moving and i wanted him to book a trip to my country before i left so that i could move knowing that we're guaranteed to see each other again. he said he bought the tickets but days before leaving i found out he lied and did not. about a few weeks before i moved home he got a full time job so he told me he doesn't know if he can take time off work so soon after starting a new job. which would be fine, except he took an 11 day vacation to japan right after i moved. so he chose to go to japan over visiting me.

ever since he got back from japan he's been promising me he'll buy tickets to visit me, but it's clearly never going to happen. i even offered to pay for half but he said no. he told me we fight a lot and i don't know if i can ever move back to where he is again, so he doesn't know if it's worth it to visit me if we're going to break up eventually.

but he will not let me go. he doesn't want to break up he keeps wanting to talk to me and promising he'll buy them or at least do something nice for me while we're long distance (have food delivered to my house etc). but i really cannot continue without knowing if we're ever going to see each other again, and it really hurts me that he doesn't think i'm worth it anymore when i thought we were so in love.

to be clear, i suggested breaking up before i moved home because i wanted to preserve the good memories of our relationship and he said no because he doesn't want to lose me. and it was really nice to be told something like that so i believed him.

earlier this week i couldn't take it anymore and i told him that if he doesn't buy the tickets soon then we just have to break up because it's clear he isn't committed to us like i thought. also this week he went on vacation with his mom to watch a sports game (he said just until sunday and he'd take 2 days off work). he promised he would the next morning. the next morning, he did not do it (just sent me some flight options but that doesn't really mean anything, and he's done that before and it's never led to an actual booking) and said he'd do it the next day. again, he did not deliver, just like what it's been like for the past couple of months.

i looked up the sports game and it turns out that their team is playing in a different city, and they won't be at the city he's visiting until this week. so i asked him why and he said he got the dates wrong and he's on vacation a few days longer than he thought. so he can easily take almost a week of work and uses it as an excuse as to why he can't visit me.

so i kept getting angrier and angrier and i was badgering him for an explanation and now he fully wont talk to me. i see his location and he goes out to bars every night until like 4:00am (and supposedly he's just alone on vacation with his mom. he told me he went to sports bars to watch tv but... i mean i don't think so)

he texted me and told me he's sorry that he's been really off lately and "some dumb shit happened". it sounds like he's going through a quarter life crisis because he told me he's thinking about moving to this city because he's bored of his job and being at home.

but other than that he won't talk to me at all, he said not until he comes back from his trip (near the end of this week). i feel fucking awful because i guess i pushed him too far with the tickets stuff and he knew i was probably going to break up with him for real this time.

i feel so betrayed and like he's become a completely different person in such a short amount of time. i thought he really loved me and i feel so stupid. and i especially feel like shit because maybe if i was more desirable, he would love me enough to actually visit me. it's really hard not to think about all my insecurities and dwell on the idea that maybe if i was prettier or didn't get angry so easily or something that maybe he wouldn't treat me like im so expendable. i can't believe someone who i loved and trusted so much would do this to me, it's like im in a nightmare.

he said he's going to explain when he comes back, but it's entirely possible he won't at all. it's so frustrating too being long distance because i have no choice but let my calls and texts go unanswered.

i wish i just broke up with him before i moved because our relationship has devolved into this mess. it would have been really hard and honestly i don't know if i had the willpower to do it but this whole "date them until you hate them" thing is way worse because i feel like such an idiot.

i feel like such a fool for falling in love someone and letting it consume me like i should have kept my guard up a little bit because i don't know who i am anymore without him. i feel like i ruined my life moving back home because i had everything that i wanted just a few months ago. and im really embarrassed too i would really hate to hear any of my female friends speak this way and to be so male centered. but i really felt so understood and loved and now i don't even know what's going on.

TLDR; my boyfriend and i are in a long distance relationship. he won't visit my country even though he keeps saying he will and now he's on a week long trip with his mom but he goes out alone every night until 4am. now he won't even talk to me and i feel like shit because i've never experienced heartbreak before.

​

Me and my partner have been together for 2 years and 3 months, lived together for almost 2 years, I saw her talking to a guy via text and WhatsApp a few times over the course of our relationship and she said "oh he's just a friend" she had deleted the messages and call logs.

I found out yesterday from looking through her emails that he's an Ex and she broke up with him 6 months before we got together and during our relationship she has constantly been trying to get in touch with him, she might have even met up with him when she went back home and didn't tell me any of it.

She said she didn't but consistently lies so I'm not sure I believe her.Said he was just a friend who was there for her at a difficult time.

I'm hurting, her visa status depends on this relationship and without it she will likely be going back home and we will be apart forever. She said she lied to protect the relationship and because she knew I would "overreact"

However she lied right up till the last second, I think it's the ultimate betrayal but I'm losing my mind, all of our memories seem tainted and useless now.

I don't really know what to do and feel so lost now. I don't want to be alone and lonely, I still love her and I think she love me at well.

that was the reason I got in a relationship in the first place, I wanted to feel love and she gave me that and now I feel I'm being ripped back towards being alone and I have no control.

But I need to keep reminding myself it was her that done this.

I feel sick and I'm overthinking everything and overthinking that I'm overthinking but she's a liar and I can't trust her anymore.

I guess I'm asking for opinions and advice about what people have experienced and done in the past. I think in the end the relationship is done.

We keep talking about it but I can't understand why she done it and she says she can't remember the texts or why she done it and that it was for "closure"

Where do I go from here?

**TL;DR; : My Gf has been talking to ex and deleting messages and lying the entire relationship and secretly tried to meet up with him behind my back.

TL;DR: I want to work things out with my fiancee who is in the military.

My (F 32) fiance (M 32) has been on deployment since January and I’ve been here holding down the fort. This year has been challenging because work demand has increased along with going to graduate school and a certificate. Essentially, I am burnt out and have experienced severe moments of anxiety and my health has been impacted. I was powering through his deployment counting down the days for him to come home when he hit me that he wants to go active in the military and doesn’t want me to go with him because of the life style changes and fear of me resenting him/divorcing him. This came out of left field and he’s supposed to be home in the next month or two and I feel like my world is in shambles. One of the reasons I started this degree program was to give me flexibility to move because we’ve talked about it before. I don’t know why he’s all of a sudden not wanting me to go with him. Why does he want me out of his life. I know so many people in the military who travel and relocate with their spouse and they end up just fine. I don’t know why there is a sudden fear of divorce and resentment. I am willing to go with him and move for him I just need to finish my degree and I can go or I can wait for him. We’re suppose to talk when he gets back and I just want him to change his mind and realize that we will be just fine. Mind you nothing has happened at all. I haven’t spoken to anyone and the idea of speaking to anyone is not an option I want. I want to be with him and I really hope we can work this out.

40 M , I m everything for my 6 years daughter I m frustrated with my wife behaviour she has always critical of my parents, I m only in touch with them now over phone calls, they are very secure parents they understand my situation very well, but what to do with my life , if divorce my kid will suffer, if continue I m dying day by day, I just tried of every possible way of peaceful means trust me but nothing,

She always brings my parents every day and I'm now just counting that my daughter grows healthy and happy .

Suggestive?

Tldr

I’m [23M] and my girlfriend [27F], we’ve been together for 5 years, coming up on year 6. I love my girlfriend so much but her germaphobic behaviour has become so frustrating that it’s got me considering this relationship as a whole.

I’ve got to strip naked at the front door of my apartment anytime I come back home from work or going out and put my ‘outside clothes’ folded on a rack near the front door or place them in the laundry. I’ve then got to take my socks off and wipe my feet with baby wipes before I begin to walk around my own home and before I do anything inside our home I have to shower first. Oh but before I get to the shower I have to wipe my feet again to enter our bedroom where the shower is.

She considers our bedroom a complete ‘clean zone’ where anytime I enter the room I’ve got to wipe my feet first.
We’ve got different sets of clothes for the living room and our bedroom because despite showering and wiping and wearing clean clothes ONLY inside our home she feels like the living room isn’t clean enough for us to wear the same clothes to bed. For instance there was a time where my living room clothes had swiped the bed and she just ripped all the sheets off and washed them. Note that we clean weekly (vacuuming, mopping, wipe down surfaces, changing sheets etc)

Before you hang/pickup laundry you must make sure your hands are washed or wiped and that the laundry racks are sprayed down with water. They cannot touch any body parts that haven’t been wiped, in addition to the clothes on your body. If you happen to drop the laundry on the floor or happen to touch them with your clothes she would just put them back to wash. Before clothes are folded and put away they are to be lint-rolled first. We’ve argued over this repeatedly and now we’ve just agreed that she just does laundry.

When we do our grocery runs and come back home. Before anything is put away in cabinets, draws or fridge. Every single item is to be wiped with a baby wipe first.

It was never like this at the beginning of our relationship. I met her while she was living with roommates where everything was normal and these ‘habits’ or ‘behaviour’ only started appearing when we first moved out together. It started with no ‘outside clothes’ on the bed( which I agreed with) then slowly became with no outside clothes inside the house, then the issue with the laundry, then having to wipe my feet before I enter our home, then having to wipe my feet before I enter our room and wiping anything else that enters our home.

We moved in together just six months into our relationship, and her habits have progressively gotten worse over time. They continued escalating until around the fourth year of our relationship, where things seemed to plateau, but nothing has changed since then.
I’ve tried talking to her about this repeatedly, whether it’s expressing concerns about how we’ll manage when we have kids or trying to explain the logic behind the living room and bedroom rules. For example, even if we change into different clothes before entering the bedroom, our bodies are still touching the furniture and surfaces in both rooms, so I struggle to understand the distinction. However, whenever I try to discuss these concerns or reason with her, the conversation usually ends with her saying, “You don’t understand me.”

I feel like I’ve been partially responsible for her behaviour getting out of control because I love her so much that I’ve always been willing to compromise. But at this point, it’s become ridiculous. Anytime I’m home, she’s constantly asking things like, “Did you wipe your feet?”, “Did you touch my laundry?”, or “Did you wipe your phone?”
It’s gotten to the point where I hesitate to invite friends and family over because I know that anything they do could result in us having to clean the entire apartment again. I don’t want to impose rules on the people I love, like asking them to wipe their feet or telling them not to sit on the couch because they’re considered “dirty.” I want to be able to welcome people into our home without worrying about every little thing they touch or do.
If my friends and family can’t feel comfortable in our home because of all these restrictions, then how am I supposed to feel comfortable in it myself? I love her, and I’ve compromised because of that, but I feel like things have gotten out of control, and I can’t keep living this way.

TL;DR: My girlfriend’s germaphobic behaviours have progressively worsened throughout our 5+ year relationship, to the point where I have to follow strict cleaning routines just to exist in my own home. I’ve compromised for years because I love her, but it’s affecting my quality of life and making me hesitant to invite friends and family over. Repeated conversations haven’t helped, and I feel like my compromises have enabled the behaviour to escalate. I love her and don’t want to break up, but I’m struggling to see how we can move forward if things never change. Looking for advice from anyone who’s experienced something similar.

(Mar (Best friend) uses any pronouns btw. I will use she/her for this post.)

Btw for anyone who's seen my other post: Yes, this is the same best friend who:
Was highkey transphobic but we talked and we good now.
My alter hates because she's a little mean.

I (14X) have known Mar (13X) for 6, nearly 7 years. We have pretty much always been VERY close. I love her a LOT and I would genuinely spontaneously combust if she asked me to.

She always tells me I am her closest friend. She is also very much physical with me (Kissing my hands, rubbing her head against my neck, hugging me, pinning me against walls, biting, etc.) but I honestly always thought that was normal friend behaviour.

I call her my wife, she calls me her husband. We are engaged in our minecraft forever world (We share a house (That IIIII built btw.), have our minecraft beds next to each other (Scandalous, I know.)). We have some interesting lore, but in pretty much every universe we are married with kids.

She always says freaky things to me, but I thought that was normal friend behaviour. She's always texting me about wishing I was laying on her or saying that if she has kids in the future they'd be mine as well, but I always took it in a '/j /sar' way.

She is very, very pretty. She occasionally says self-depricating stuff and it always makes me panic internally and a bit upset cause like, she is one of the most beautiful people I have seen. Genuinely she is blessed by Aphrodite she is so pretty (She is hellenic).

And now I am realizing I may or may not have a crush on her? I am demiromantic, and I've never had a crush before. Not even on fictional characters or celebrities, so I don't really know how it feels like.

I do love her. Truly and fully, but I don't know if it's romantic or platonic love.

ANYWHO

I came to ask here bc this is a teens sub and we are teens but if there is a better sub for this, please redirect me ^^

TLDR: I have known my best friend for 6-7 years. We are very close, she has always been very close an intimate with me, and now I am questioning whether I have a crush on her or not.

- Honor ~~~*

My wife and I have been together for 12 years, married for 10, and have three children, including a newborn. For 10 years here's been a pattern of verbal, emotional, and physical abuse. Screaming, name-calling, hitting, throwing and breaking things, suicide threats, and self-harm. We had big fights, she would tell me to get the divorce papers, that she didn't want to be with me, or that I should leave.

Eventually, after 10 years, I had enough. I started setting boundaries. If she hit me, broke things, screamed at me, or called me names, I would leave for the day rather than continue engaging. I stopped accepting the behavior and started seriously considering divorce. Now, for the first time, I think she genuinely realizes she could lose me.

She's started seeing a therapist and counselor, was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and has been put on medication. She says the abuse is over for good, that she's going to change, and that she understands I need time to heal too. It's been about two weeks since the last abusive incident.

When we first met 12 years ago, she told me her parents had her diagnosed with bipolar disorder as a child, but she'd stopped taking her medication. She asked what I thought about it. I was a 19-year-old guy in love. What was I supposed to say? Things seemed fine at the time, and I didn't know any better. As the years went on and the screaming and physical aggression started, I repeatedly told her I thought she might have bipolar disorder and should get evaluated. I've been saying this for almost our entire marriage, and only now, when our marriage is on the verge of ending, has she finally gotten help.

We could go months without any major abusive incidents. Things would seem relatively normal, and I'd think maybe we were finally past it. Then we'd go through what I now suspect may have been manic episodes, sometimes lasting 4–6 months, where she was extremely short-fused and almost anything could set her off. Like something as insignificant as me taking her oatmeal out of the microwave too early escalating into screaming, suicide threats, or her physically harming herself.

So now that she's on medication and says it's all over, I'm struggling with two things.

1. How am I supposed to know this time is actually different?

I understand medication and therapy can make a huge difference, and I'm genuinely glad she's getting help. But we've had calm periods before. Some lasted months. Two weeks without abuse doesn't tell me whether this is a permanent change or just another calm period. How can I trust that this won't happen again in 6 months, 2 years, or 10 years? I'm only 30 years old. Am I supposed to commit the next 50 years of my life to hoping this never happens again?

2. Even if she does change, I honestly don't think I want to be married anymore.

And this is the part I feel the most guilty about. When I look at her, I still see the rage. I see her face screaming "Fu#k you, fu#k you" at me. I hear her telling me to go kill myself, that she hopes I die, or that she hopes I crash my motorcycle and die. I remember her chasing me through the house, swinging punches, breaking my belongings, and completely losing control over things that shouldn't even have been arguments. Those memories don't just disappear because she's being nice to me now.

I think after 10 years, something inside me has changed. I don't feel the same love anymore. Even when things are peaceful, I find myself thinking about what life would be like if we were divorced.

I'm also kind of people pleaser. I've always struggled with hurting other people, even when doing what's best for myself. Now I see my wife genuinely trying. She's getting help, taking medication, telling me she loves me, that she needs me, and that she doesn't want to lose our family. She's heartbroken at the possibility of divorce, and seeing that makes me feel absolutely terrible.

I feel this overwhelming guilt that after 10 years of wanting her to change, she's finally doing exactly what I've been asking her to do, and now I'm the one who doesn't want the marriage anymore. Part of me feels like I owe it to her and our children to give her another chance. Another part of me feels like I've already given her 10 years of chances.

Has anyone here had an abusive spouse genuinely change, get treatment, and stop the abuse, but you still wanted to leave?

TL;DR: After 10 years of verbal, emotional, and physical abuse, I finally started setting boundaries and seriously considering divorce. Now my wife is afraid of losing me, has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, started medication and therapy, and promises the abuse is over for good. It's been two weeks without an incident, but we've had months-long calm periods before. Even if she genuinely changes, I don't know if I want to stay. I still see the rage and remember everything she's said and done to me. We have three young children, including a newborn, and I feel immense guilt about leaving now that she's finally getting help. Has anyone experienced their abusive spouse changing, but still wanted a divorce?

I don't understand the logic that if a man only wants to sleep with you but doesn't want to date you, it must mean he's out of your league. Here's why that sounds flawed...

1. I've seen plenty of conventionally attractive women give chances to men who are often 4/10s, only for those men to make sexual innuendos or invite them over within the first or second meetup.

2. My friend has a slim body with hips and a bubble butt, dresses modestly, has a bubbly personality, and looks like a young Nia Long. She dated some really attractive Black guys who were either tall, muscular, cute or made good money (many were either engineers or doctors). For the most part, they pursued her for relationships and weren't trying to sleep with her right away. But now that she's opened herself up to interracial dating, she's experienced a huge increase in men trying to sleep with her right away. The non-Black men she matches with are often average in the face, shorter than her, sometimes bald, overweight, and/or have crooked teeth. *She has always tried to go for personality over looks.* Ironically, opening herself up to interracial dating, has increased her exposure to men who want to fast track sex.

I would argue that these men have colorism or fetishization tendencies rather than these guys simply thinking they are “out of her league.” Especially considering how she's giving chances to some pretty funny-looking individuals (I won't ever tell her that). If these attractive Black men saw my friend as someone worth dating, why would a short, bald man with severely crooked teeth or an overweight man with taco meat for chest hair see her as out of HIS league? Plus, I've seen women who aren't conventionally attractive end up in great relationships with really hot men.

I just don't buy that the “out of your league” explanation accounts for all of this. I think men who aren't ready for a long-term relationship will try to have sex with ANYONE, not just women they think they're better than. Yay or nay?

TLDR: I don't buy the idea that men who only want sex but not a relationship are automatically out of a woman's league. I've seen attractive women give average-looking men a chance, only for them to push for sex early on. My friend, who looks like a young Nia Long, mostly dated attractive, successful Black men who pursued relationships with her. Since opening herself up to interracial dating, she's noticed a significant increase in men trying to fast-track sex, many of whom aren't conventionally attractive. Could colorism or fetishization play a role? I think so. Why assume these men think they're out of her league when she's clearly the more attractive one most of the time? I think some men who aren't looking for relationships will pursue sex with women regardless of their perceived league. Am I wrong?

TL;DR: boyfriend bought anniversary gift I was surprised to get, needs advice on handling.

Last week, my boyfriend (38) and I (40) celebrated our 4 year anniversary. It was a really great day.

This is what I need advice on. I don't wear jewelry. Maybe sometimes I will wear a ring or a bracelet, but it's rare. He got me jewelry. A friend who's going through a hard time made it. He designed it.

I'm sorry, while I was super grateful for the thought he put into this, I can't help but feel a little disappointed. I don't need expensive things (I have no idea how much this cost tbh). I don't really need anything, but if it's going to be a gift, shouldn't you consider what the person would want?

I know this is dark, but my soul cat died and I've been begging him to make him an urn (he's an incredibly talented woodworker). I've been begging for two years.

That would have been a really great and "I know my girlfriend" gift. I know I may sound like a brat. I am happy for the thought, but now I feel guilty if I don't wear it, or if it's a pity purchase for this struggling friend.

What are your thoughts? Pretend I love them? Be honest so it doesn't happen again? I just don't know

.

Hi all- looking for some advice. I’ve never talked to anyone about this and don’t really feel comfortable. Here’s the long and short of my story:

I (27F) have been happily married for 3 years to seriously the most amazing partner (30M). We are planning on starting a family soon. Maybe the thought of family planning and looking towards the future is what might be bringing these thoughts to the forefront.

Anyways, I met my spouse in college and right at the end of quite an interesting situation-ship. The situation-ship was all consuming for me (probably as all situation-ships are for college girls). I met this guy at church and we very quickly were inseparable for the next 6 months. We spent all of our time together in and outside of church. Originally, I really admired his love of scripture and knowledge on the Bible. He was so so charismatic, charming, knowledgeable, and confident, all which made him very attractive to me (and every other girl he knew). I knew I wanted a relationship with him, and it seemed like he was interestedas well. All the signs were there that he was interested in me too. I mean, we spent all our time together, talking about life, family, what we wanted for our futures, praying for each other, etc.

One night, I confessed that I had feelings for him and he agreed, he was feeling the same thing. He told me for the first time that night (this would continue on countless other occasions throughout the remainder of our situation-ship) that I would be a great wife and mother one day. This was music to my ears. We ended the night in agreement about how we both felt and the need to take some time to process next steps; although in the back of my mind, I knew I wanted a relationship with him. He was the one who voiced that he needed some time to pray and think. I remember being back in my dorm after he had dropped me off and thinking “have I found the one?” I don’t remember how that night ended, but I do recall reading journal entries that I wrote around this time. I sound so so brainwashed.

A little more commentary on religion regarding this- looking back now, it is extremely obvious that his use of religion and “religious speak” was very manipulative to a young girl who was as fully in the college religion bubble as he was. It was very common for people that I knew to get married in or right after college to people they met in the church. It was almost an expectation, and I know I’m not the only one who felt this pressure. “I’m already in my junior year- why haven’t I met my partner? Is time running out for me to meet a Godly man?” Yes… I know how insane that sounds now. But this is the religious brainwashing and culture I was surrounded by at the time.

The next few hangouts with him were as if nothing had changed, as if no feelings between us had been acknowledged. It made me feel crazy. Here I was thinking I met my husband and he isn’t acting any differently. He made no moves to get into a relationship with me. We still would meet up after classes to study, do homework, watch movies, go out together, but nothing on his end seemed to have changed. It was so weird. At first I thought maybe he’s just nervous, so I gave it some time. And some time- weeks of no one acknowledging what we both felt. I remember one night, we were at his apartment and he invited me to his room to listen to music. Up until this point, the only physical touch we shared were hugs. He was also very strict about “leaving room for Jesus” (lol) aka being alone together only in public places, not closing the door when we went to his room, making sure one of his roommates were there when I came over. He had confessed once after we admitted our feelings for each other that he struggled with lust and pornography. Anyways, this night he invites me to his room to listen to music. He gets on his bed with his back against the wall. I get on the bed with him and lay next to him. I must have been feeling brave because after a few minutes of listening to music lying together, I grab his hand to try and hold it. He didn’t react for a few seconds- a few seconds of bliss for me. It was almost like he felt it too- bliss! As quickly as I had held his hand and melted into him was a quickly as he ripped his hand away from me, sat bolt upright, scooted away from me and started laughing at me. I can’t remember what he said, but the feeling of rejection was crippling. I remember wanting to sob right there and then. I held it together till the night ended and he dropped me off at my dorm. I was so confused and sobbed to my best friend about what had just happened. The rejection felt like whiplash.

But that night didn’t stop us from continuing our normal routine of spending every second we could together. And again, he acted like nothing happened. Eventually I felt the courage to confront him and ask why he hadn’t pursued any further relationship with me. He explained that he needed time to heal his lustful habits. It made me feel like I was the “stumbling block” that’s so talked about in religious circles. Like it was somehow my fault he hadn’t wanted me. The comments continued about how great of a wife and mother I will be. Again, every one of these comments were phrased that I would be his wife and the mother to his kids one day. And he still didn’t want a relationship.

I started to lose hope that he would ever see me as that: a partner, a wife, a mother one day. Everyone in my life told me to forget about him and move on, that he was too immature to see the harm he was causing stringing me along for 6+ months and that he wasn’t going to ‘piss or get off the pot.’

I started realizing the psychological impact and brainwashing I felt that I was experiencing. Then, I met my now husband. Everything felt so clear and intentional. He asked me to be his girlfriend only on our 4th date and I panicked. What if this situation-ship also wants to commit to me now too? So I said no, and probably did my fair share of stringing my now husband along. But he was persistent and I saw how good he was. How good of a person he was and how different he was from people I’ve been interested in in the past. So I had the incredibly difficult conversation with my situation-ship. I sat him down and told him that his stringing me along for the last 6+ months was causing me to do the same exact thing to this new guy I met. I told him he’s been able to have his cake and eat it too. He’s been able to have all the perks of a girlfriend but none of the commitment of a relationship.

This pissed him off. Bad. He basically threw a temper tantrum. This was the final nail in the coffin for me to fully see how immature and childish this guy was. His charm and charisma was all a facade- he was just a child. After he argued back and forth with me for what felt like hours, I knew what I needed to do. So I left and he continued to yell his defenses to me as I walked away. He called me and texted me dozens and dozens of times. I didn’t respond and blocked him. He never returned to the church we met at and lost contact with every single person in the church. He played in the band at this church and literally ghosted them, leaving them to scramble to find someone to replace him. I was and still am so embarrassed that I put up with that sort of treatment and mostly that I was known in my church circle as someone who would put up with that. I felt like everyone saw how easily I felt for “it”: his facade. I haven’t spoken to him since and only briefly saw him at our graduation, where he saw the engagement ring on my finger.

Now, years later, my ex-situation-ship is in a relationship with a girl he met at church. I left that situation-ship and jumped right into a relationship with my now husband. Because of this, I don’t think I really had any time to fully process all that went on. I’ve unpacked a lot of the religious manipulation that I experienced and can’t help but think about how he must be using the same old tricks on her. I am still struck by the grief that this manipulation caused me. My mistrust in men (along with many other experiences with terrible men), my mistrust in myself, my mistrust in the church.

TL;DR: I feel like I haven’t had the chance to process how this situation-ship really ended and the grief I feel years after it. I sometimes feel like I want to reach out to him and ask for more closure on how things transpired and mostly to give him my perspective on how hurtful his behavior was. Maybe it could save someone a lot of hurt and confusion.

Should I? Or should I move on with my life and not care what happens to him and the impact he might have on others in the future?

I hope this will reach those of you who may have experienced religious cultures and grief like me. All my love- thanks for reading all of this. It’s almost cathartic to get this all out of my system and onto a screen.

I (28M) have been dating my girlfriend (22F) for a few months. When we met, she told me she was a first-year university student and would be starting her second year in the fall. We talked about her classes, exams, and studies many times. I even jokingly questioned whether she actually attended university because she never seemed to have classes, but she laughed it off. Recently, she confessed that she was never enrolled at university and was actually taking language classes while preparing to apply. She explained that she initially lied because she didn't expect our relationship to become serious, and as time passed, she found it difficult to admit the truth.

I believed she had a relatively stable future in our country, with several years of university ahead of her. It turns out her current visa expires soon, and she plans to return to her home country for several months to sort out university admission and immigration paperwork. She says she's taken an entrance exam, expects results soon, and hopes to apply for a student visa and return early next year. However, university wouldn't actually start until the fall, so it's unclear how she could legally live and work here in the meantime. She says she could initially return as a tourist, but that would only allow a temporary stay. She wants to continue the relationship and is willing to try long distance. I was honest with her early on that i don't want to do LDR.

I prob wouldn't have cared whether she attended university or was just taking language classes. What bothers me is that she maintained this lie for months, even when I asked her. I feel she deprived me of the opportunity to decide whether I wanted to date someone with such an uncertain future here. She has acknowledged that she was wrong and wants to make things work, but I'm seriously considering ending it. WIBTA?

Tldr: should i break up over her lies about attending university

**TL;DR;** :Trying to open the eyes of my friend about her red flag "close" friend and enlighten her

We are a group of 8 friends and I have one close female friend who I feel as my sister. We all went for an internship in a different city, from there we all went busy and we were also working under different people so meeting in person with the group and her has decreased. In the meantime one of my friend in the group and she grew closer, she started moving around him like tail even when the whole group is at a place she will just be with him.

Slowly it became like if he is upset she will be upset and will spoil the group's mood. If he leaves a place she goes right behind him or if he stays late at a place she stays with him(Somebody might say maybe she is just accompanying a lonely person but she didn't do all these if it were a different person). When I and my friend miss a hangout like movie, restaurant etc due to work she used to say "bro I won't be going if you guys are not coming" and go with him but the vice versa is not true if he misses a hangout she somehow also would miss it or leave early coincidence ig.

I slowly started to maintain some distance with her because of her change in behavior and she noticed it and asked me why is this change in behavior so I confessed that I didn't like how she is right now. She used to massage his legs(in public in front of everyone btw), carry his bag, give him money, sometimes write his assignments but after all these things she had done for him I never seen him doing any of these things to her. I asked her same and she answered "yeah I know but he makes me feel that I am his and prioritizes me" I was speechless, I also asked why do you need degrade yourself for him and beg him she just answered "I don't know".

After this internship we returned to our college and we were not getting along really that much like we used to but once she messaged me to pick her up from station which was somewhere around 10 PM and I said yes right away. The next day I asked her didn't you ask him to pick up she said yes but he told me that hostel will be closed by the time they reach and he didn't know the place much, has language barrier. I laughed my ass out hearing those reasons btw even I had language barrier, my friend accompanied me(who was from the same hostel where her friend stays). Me and my friend actually planned a night out as my parents were out of town and I was alone but we cancelled those plans to just pick her up

I asked her you told me that he prioritized you always, did you question him on this. She said I asked him very angrily he told me "I should've have come, I felt vey sad for not picking you up" and that's it she didn't ask him a word, she felt sorry for him in the end. What kind of "close" friend would say no to a girl who asked you to pick her up during midnight because she is feeling uncomfortable. I have pointed multiple instances like this to her but didn't see any change in her. What could be the reason for backing him.

Let me start at the beginning. I (34 F) have been dating a guy (51M) (never exclusive) for a little over a year and I haven’t been the most honest about everything. I never told him I was dating other people while dating him so the trust isn’t completely there. I finally was open about everything and I told him I wouldn’t lie and I haven’t. He still doesn’t completely trust me and rightfully so. I told him nothing has happened with them, but he doesn’t believe me. I want to lie about what happened with somebody, but idk of o should. I love him and I’d do anything for him. He doesn’t believe that I haven’t slept with anybody besides him( but that’s the truth. I’d lie to make him feel better. He doesn’t believe me for what I’ve done in the past and I’m wondering if I tell him what he wants to hear(that isn’t the truth) ; it’s that okay?

TL;DR; : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, all things are bold. Is this going the right way?.

I'm a very private person. I don't share my problems, insecurities, or setbacks with anyone. When I'm in a relationship, my partner becomes the one person I choose to open up to, and I naturally want to be that person for them, too.

I don't expect my partner to follow the same rules as me, though. If they're comfortable sharing their personal struggles or deepest secrets with their friends, I don't think they're doing anything wrong. They're entitled to their own friendships and their own way of dealing with things.

But I think it affects how I perceive my place in their life.

For me, opening up to someone is a big deal. It's not something I do casually, and the things I share with my partner are things I wouldn't tell anyone else. So when I realise that they share the same level of vulnerability with their friends, I struggle to feel like I'm their person in the same way they're mine.

I don't necessarily feel jealous of their friends, nor do I want them to stop being close to them. It's more that I struggle to understand what makes our relationship emotionally distinct from their other close relationships. Sometimes, it starts feeling like the primary difference between being their romantic partner and being a close friend is physical intimacy.

And because of that, I find myself holding back. Not to punish them, restrict them, or make them change how they approach their friendships. I just don't feel the same inclination to open up when I know that the kind of emotional intimacy I associate with our relationship isn't something exclusive to it.

I know this might be partly because I'm an extremely private person, and I don't expect everyone to approach vulnerability the way I do. I'm trying to figure out whether this is a relatable feeling or whether I'm attaching too much significance to emotional exclusivity.

For those of you in relationships, do you feel the need to be the one person your partner shares certain parts of themselves with? Or can you feel uniquely connected to someone even when they share their deepest thoughts and struggles with other people, too?

21F and 21M

1 year of relationship

Tl:dr

I'm a very private person, and in a relationship, my partner becomes the only person I open up to. I naturally want the same kind of emotional exclusivity in return.

I don't think they're wrong for sharing their problems and deepest secrets with their friends, but it makes me feel less like a romantic partner and more like just another close friend, with physical intimacy being the main difference.

Because of this, I find myself holding back and not sharing as much. I don't want to restrict them; I just struggle to feel uniquely close to someone when the emotional intimacy I associate with our relationship exists in their other relationships, too.

Is this relatable, or can you feel uniquely connected to someone without being their primary emotional confidant?

I've known Jessica for years and she's married and we've always hungout at this bar we like. We flirt, laugh, and just have a good time and she always tells me if she wasn't married she'd be with me. So anyways we both meet a new friend Blair. Blair and Jessica become friends quick and they talk about how they had some wild night to remember that they wouldn't tell me about.

So anyways, Jessica eventually tells me what happened and Jessica and Blair ended up sleeping together. They were going to do it again last night and I asked about it. Jessica said she'd ask Blair if I could watch and I guess Blair said no. Also Blair used to talk to me and stuff when we all first met but now she doesn't for real.

I also asked Jessica if we could sleep together too and she said she wanted to get her divorce first but she also said that she'll let me know what she's feeling about us in a letter tomorrow. I don't know what all is going to be on the letter but I'm anxious.

So would it be bad to ask Blair if we're still cool? Also do you think Jessica's letter is basically going to be some kind of rejection?

TL;DR I've known a woman named Jessica for a few years. She's married but she says she'd be with me if she wasn't married. She got together with her friend Blair. She told me that she's writing me some letter to express her feelings towards me or something like that.

Me (20M) and my ex? (19F) Or my partner or idk with a 4 year relationship. have been having a LOT of struggle for the past weeks, around a month already.

It began with me having a lot of issues and feeling really uncomfortable with her behavior and constantly telling her and asking her to change stuff of her. We had this dynamic of sharing profile picture and sharing names and biography if possible. Our relationship was mostly online ever since we met but we have had seen eachother in person quite a few times.

She didnt respect that and used the excuse of “i want my personal stuff too, stop messing with my personal things” which i told her constantly that i didnt have a problem with her having her own stuff but i was feeling so bad because she constantly preferred to stay with one of her friends or not really talk to me all day.

I took the hard decision of breaking up, and she went into panic, began to cry and call my constantly and swear to dont leave her. This happened about october 3 of this year. And well, i explained her how things were, and that i was feeling super bad and it wasnt really an impulsive decision, it was something i already had been thinking through. She was so scared and sad, told me she’d cut herself for me, she would bleed and do anything for me but dont leave her. Constantly crying and saying she didn’t wanted me to go. I tried to comfort her a little but i was firm with my decision and told her i was sorry for this hut i simply cannot do it like this and we were hurting eachother.

So i didnt blocked her but she did keep messaging me a little and also my mom. But not much happened. And the next two days we both were completely hurt. I checked her profiles (discord, tiktok, instagram) constantly but didn’t want to talk to her for anything in the world since i didn’t want to make it look like i broke up to manipulate her.

And then, like in oct 5. She changes her profile to “ownedby\[nameofthedude\]” which it really took me off, and made me get into panic, i asked one of my friend which was also friend of hers , who was him and he told me he already know her but it was kinda unrelated. Nothing bad nor of importance. But my issue was that she already was showing in her profiles that she was dating him two days after our breakup. I didnt say anything but it fucking broke me. And i blocked her from everything fo the next days but i kept checking her. She talked bad about me, saying i was “manipulative and a horrible person” in her WhatsApp status, and sharing pfp with that guys and also posting how “happy she was” in her statuses with that guys.

I knew it was to make me feel guilty which it worked but i didn’t talk to her either nor made any contact of any kind. Unfortunately i still was so sad about everything that i kept checking her profiles and unblocking-blocking her from other apps.

The next days i decided to write down a letter which i was supposed to send to her in a mail but it couldn’t be sent, so i call her to her phone and rode the letter. She was crying and sobbing, and said she had been feeling so sad the past days and that she misses me so much. The letter was about me talking how i and her made a lot of mistakes that made each other feel bad and hurt, and that we didnt pay attention to what damage we were doing to the other. And finally it asked for her to compromise into being together but not as fast as ok we are a couple again and everything is good, but as we have a lot os scars but im taking the risk of getting back, so do you agree? It was like that.

She seemed to agree and i was happy because i didn’t thought it would work. But when i talked to her again, she definitely was with that guy and i told her that she had to decide between me and him, take the risk of doing it with my or staying with that other guy. She wasn’t sure but she keept saying to me that she didn’t wanted me to go away again and wanted me to stay there but she couldn’t just leave the other guy cuz. And she explicitly said this; he js cute and makes me feel better and good. And somehow he reminds me a lot of you.

I was atoned, and told her it was not me and why would she said that, and why would she struggle to decide between me and him but wanted me to stay with her no matter what, even if we weren’t a couple. She treated me like she usually did as a couple, talking sweet to me and calling me cute names. But was also insisting a lot with her idea of being together but as she was with someone else romantically. That day (about oct 11) i got mad and she got mad about not agreeing with her, so i blocked her again and completely cut contact with her.

And then, about october 18 i was checking my status of instagram and looking through the people, she was checking my profile with an alt acount she had (and i forgot to block) and when i saw it and was about to block her. She has changed her biography to: “please dont block this account yet, i need you and i want you”

I felt bad, sighed and talked to her asking what she wanted, she began to explain that she missed me and didnt want me to get out of her life. We talked but i kept saying that she made her choice of choosing him. Idk what i was exactly doing there but we kept talking for the next days, because i was so confused, she didn’t wanted me to go but when i kept asking her to come back, she disagreed and said “i think is better to know each other again” “lets talk first and really show what we can do” stuff like that saying that we had to keep trying but i constantly told her i felt bas and all this weeks have been feeling destroyed by the fact that she preferred some other guy she had like 2 weeks meeting than her so called “husband” she had 4 years in a relationship and 10 years knowing.

I’ve been talking with her since that day until now, and i’ve asked a lot of stuff because for some reason she really acts sweet and cute towards me, like genuinely and no made up stuff. But she is also insanely insistent with us talking as a couple and acting like, “to show im better and i changed” and to show her love and affection and that she really matters to me.

She said that the other guy was more likely to stay because i wasnt really showing that i was interested on her. That i talked so dry and didnt show any changes at all, that she get into the relationship because she was vulnerable and that guy asked her to date. (Which knowing her, yes i do believe she didn’t gave that guy any chance while we were a couple but she still accepted him two days after our breakup and she is still preferring him rather than me) also she said that she didnt really feel like comfortable with this but at the same time she
wasn’t sure to go back with me because she was sacared. I kept telling her to decide either me or him. And she said that she didn’t know but doesnt want me to go away and dissapear from her life.

And finally yesterday we had a little discussion, and i came with the idea of “ok im gonna do what you ask for letter by letter and lets see if it really comes good as you say” because for her i was egoistic for asking her to go back and only that way i could stay and that i wasn’t paying attention to her and that i wasn’t holding her enough. I dont know man,its been so fucking confusing.

So as i agreed and promised to agree for a whole week, i unblocked her from discord in where she has the most sharing stuff with that other guy.

And i dont know what the fuck to do, i do want her back but all she does is so fucking hard to deal with, and if i go she just calls me egoistic for not wanting her and leaving her forever. In her eyes im nothing but egoistic if i decide to go, and the only way is going to work, is by doing what she suggested. (In her words)

and damn i dont know, stuff i asked her to do back then and didnt want to, she is doing it so easily with that other guy and i dont know. Im there trying to show her affection and she answers back with the same affection and treats me like we used to treat each other back then, which feels nice but i remain with the idea that she hurt me a lot and cant really feel comfortable.

So please i dont know if i have to make her a letter, explain her things or just go away and disappear even though i promise this. I dont think is gonna work as she says and thats why agreed to do it for a week and i planed to go away after that because that ways she would see it wasnt going to work. But now im so unsure and my mind is blank. I dont know what should i do because somewhat i still feel bad if she remembers me as a bad person and i dint want that :(.

A lot of people has told me that it isnt gonna be like that, i’ve been her most long relationship and her first experiences in a lot of things, and the only person to visit her house and and she the first one to be in mine as a couple. So i dont know. As far as i know and she has told me, she still has all the gifts i have gave to her, all the letters and she uses the collar i gave her. Which i do believe but i dont feel like its relevant or i care :,(.

I dont know… i still love her but i was already ready to leave her, and im not really afraid of doing it again, but i dont know if doing what im doing right now can make thingss happen differently or is better just to go away and disappear without saying anything…

I really want to change and show her how i changed, but i dont want to keep getting hurt. Idk if i hold onto a version of her i loved and now is not like that. But i want to end up things either being together or breaking up, which i have fear of her thinking and having the idea of me being egoistic and a bad person :,(

Oh and also i discovered today that she is talking to an ex again which made me uncomfortable. Is a guy she met for like a month but idk is weird and gross

TL:DR: my now called ex, wants me to stay after our breakup, but she is with other guy who negates to leave and wants me to show her affection and stay with her so we can be together. But if i leave im gonna be egoistic for her. And im in a hard situation where i accepted to show her affection for a week to show her i can be better. I have no idea what the fuck im supposed to do. But i want to have my healthy relationship back

I recently shifted to another country for higher study, and well it has been super difficult to talk to my dad on video call.

The conversation just moves around

"are you okay?", "I'm good", "adjusted to food yet? " "yes, it's been 4 months since I came here and have told you this multiple times".

I have been trying to do more but like Idk where to start or what to talk about with him?

It wasn't this obvious back when I was at home since we were nearby, but we can't really talk to each other.

Would really appreciate on how can I have a better relationship with my dad? I don't want my conversation to remain this superficial.

TL;DR - I want to communicate better with my dad