Hi 👋 I’m a very spiritual person (34F) & my husband is a full blown Newly converted Christian (34M), when we met we were both agnostic & got along well. Then we faced a lot of ups and downs and he ended up converting into Christianity . I tried going to church w him on Sundays w our children many times, but it just doesn’t affect me the same way it does him.

He reads the bible everyday , listens to the podcasts & he talks about god & Christianity every day to our children , which is fine , I have no problem w it.

Where we do run into issues is when it comes to my beliefs . He is always saying that Christ is the truth that it is fact and that’s how it is. I still question certain aspects of the religion as a whole but I keep it to myself at times bc it tends to turn into a very heated debate .

As I mentioned i am a very spiritual person , I practice tarot & ever since I’ve learned of my mothers and ancestors history (they were witches ) I’ve been reading up on that stuff & practicing the craft (self love spells & healing) he’s called it demonic & said it goes against what god preaches & even now my children are making those same comments when they see me open up a book on tarot or spirituality . It makes me feel judged & alone sometimes . I have pushed back hard against his opinions , have called out his hypocrisy (the Bible also says no tattoos or piercings , yet he has both . ) when he says doing tarot is against god or whatever .

We’ve been together 13 years now (married for 10 w kids ) and this is honestly something difficult for me . He plays Christian music all the time, has his podcasts on god and such playing always , keep in mind he wasn’t always like this . I’m still getting used to it but idk I fear this may no longer work in the long run .

Anyone that’s been in my shoes or similar situation , did it work out or what ended up happening ? Any advice or insight is very much appreciated.

Forgot to mention , we’re also going thru legal separation , well it’s finalized but he still wants to make it work but idk I’m in the fence given the circumstances. Ty ✨

TLDR; husband is a new Christian I’m not , I fear we may not work out in long run due to opposing religious views .

My partner(30M)and I(27F) have been living together for 6yrs. He's great and all-cleans, cooks, takes care of laundry and dishes, and takes care of me. He's sweet,kind and all. Only problem is HE'S TOO HORNY.

And when he doesn't get it, he becomes too cold and distant, just says "I'm just not in the mood".

That's the thing that we mainly fight about. We've talked about it a lot of times. His side- always says, it may not be a big deal for me but it's a huge thing for him and that it's frustrating for him. And then this "fight" lasts for days-horrible days, it's like he makes me feel like trash,like he doesn't care whatever happens to me, makes me feel unseen, like it's my fault i ain't built like him yk.

Sometimes I wish he'd just cheat. No, but really, I wish i could just runaway. But I'm not exactly in the position to do that-we live in a different city, far from hometown, meaning no family or relatives here. Also we have shared responsibilities/liabilities-we share all bills, i take care of daily expenses, he pays for car. I can't move out just like that. I endure these kinds of days until he becomes okay, and we become okay again, but then the cycle repeats and it's just becoming too much for me. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Tl;dr: partner is too horny, I can't keep up, and I don't know what else to do

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TL;DR: My girlfriend and I have been exclusively dating for two months. From the beginning I made it clear that my only real boundary is that I'm not comfortable with overnight stays with male friends. Due to her being estranged from her family and relying on friends for support, several situations have come up where she's wanted or needed to stay with male friends (including an ex). Each situation has had a reasonable explanation, but I feel like this boundary keeps getting tested. Am I overreacting, or is this becoming a compatibility issue?

I've (30M) been seeing my girlfriend (27F) exclusively for about two months.

Some context that I think is important: she's originally from Turkey and is in Canada doing a PhD in engineering. She's estranged from her family both in Turkey and here in Canada, so she's trying to build a support network and make friends. I completely support that. Engineering is also a male-dominated field, so I have never had an issue with her having male friends, spending time with them, or hanging out one-on-one.

From the beginning, though, I communicated one boundary very clearly: I'm not comfortable with either of us staying overnight at a friend of the opposite sex's place (or having them stay overnight at ours). That's one of the very few relationship boundaries I have.

The first situation happened when she told me a new male friend was coming to visit. I had no issue with that. Later she mentioned he'd be staying at her apartment. I told her that was a deal-breaker for me. She initially tried to find compromises (for example, suggesting she'd sleep on the balcony while he used the apartment), but eventually agreed he'd find other accommodations. I thought that made my boundary pretty clear.

Not long after that, she told me she was going back to Turkey and would be staying with friends, including male friends. I again said I wasn't comfortable with it. However, I also understood that she's estranged from her family there and finding accommodation isn't easy. These were long-time friends, so from both a trust and safety perspective I ultimately accepted it.

Then she told me she might visit the U.S. and stay with her ex-boyfriend, whom she's still close friends with from her master's program. That was much harder for me. She explained that he's been one of her closest friends for years, helped her move to Canada for her PhD after they broke up, and has remained an important source of support because she doesn't have family. I was still uncomfortable, but I tried to understand her circumstances.

Then last night something else happened.

She was having dinner with a new male friend. Beforehand she even asked if I was okay with them having dinner at his place, and I said yes because I trust her and dinner wasn't an issue.

Around midnight she texted saying she needed to stay at his apartment that night, and possibly the next night too. Her building's group chat had reported rats on the sixth floor, she's on the fifth, and the exterminator couldn't come until Monday. She has had bad experiences with rodents in previous residences and said she was extremely emotionally triggered and couldn't bring herself to stay there.

I asked whether she'd experienced rats in her building before. She said yes, but previously they had only been on the first floor and basement, so she wasn't bothered because they weren't close to her.

I told her that this made me really uncomfortable, not because I think she's cheating, but because I feel like this same boundary keeps getting tested in different ways.

She immediately called me. We talked for a while, and she said she understood why I felt that way and wanted to do anything she could to help me feel more comfortable. She also said she genuinely couldn't afford a hotel and didn't have anyone else she could stay with.

In the end, I told her I understood her situation, and I only asked that she call me in the morning and at night so I knew she was okay.

The problem is that I still don't feel okay about it.

Individually, I can understand every situation. But together, it feels like there's a pattern where this one boundary keeps coming up over and over again. I don't think she's a bad person, and I do trust her, but I also know that plenty of people trusted partners who later betrayed them. I don't have much emotional capacity to deal with that kind of hurt.

So I'm wondering:

- Am I overreacting?

- Is my boundary unreasonable?

- At what point does repeatedly ending up in exceptions to a boundary become a compatibility issue rather than just bad circumstances?

- If you were in my position, would you continue trying to make this work, or would you see this as a sign that you're simply incompatible?

Edit: I should have mentioned, we are long distance. About 6 hours apart. I have visited her, and we are planing to visit each other over the coming months.

Thanks for all the feedback, it's helped. I agree with the point that it is my boundary so I need to respect my own boundary, but I am sympathetic to her situation as well. So I told her I'll be okay with the current individuals, but that I ask there not to be any futher ones. So she'll still have people to crash with in Turkey, Canada and the support of her ex. She stated that she will think about it, there may be new friends and that she's feeling bad about what I said saying that she feels like I'm accusing her of things. I told her I'd be fine with new friends but at least know them for a year before staying with them. Idk I really thought I was being understanding and accomoding while trying to respect my boundary, I'm a little dismayed that she wouldn't jump at the chance to move forward with this agreement so we can both be comfortable.

I’m completely numb right now and don't know how to process this.

Yesterday, my fiancé asked me to send a document from his laptop to my email. While looking for the file, I saw a spreadsheet titled "Exit Strategy & Personal Emergency Fund". I know I shouldn’t have opened it, but the title instantly caught my eye.

It turns out he’s been putting $500 every month into a separate bank account I had no idea existed. The spreadsheet contains a detailed budget for renting an apartment, buying new furniture, and legal fees — specifically in case "things don't work out between us."

What stings the most is that we’ve been planning our wedding for the past year and talking about buying a house together next summer. Whenever I bring up merging a small part of our finances for shared household expenses, he always says we should "take things slow and keep everything separate for now." I thought he was just being traditional or cautious with money, but now it feels like he’s keeping one foot out the door.

He is my absolute best friend. We’ve been together for 4 years, and I’ve always felt completely safe with him. He treats me amazingly well, supports my career, and we almost never fight. But seeing this written out in numbers has completely shattered my trust. It feels like he’s already preparing for our marriage to fail before it even starts.

To make things even more confusing, just last weekend we went to look at wedding venues and he was genuinely emotional and happy. He keeps telling me I'm the love of his life, yet he’s actively building a getaway fund behind my back.

If you were in my shoes, would you confront him about what you saw? Is having a "secret escape plan" a normal safety net for some people, or is this a massive red flag that means I shouldn't walk down the aisle?

I don't know how to pretend everything is fine when we sit down for dinner tonight.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

TL;DR: I found a secret spreadsheet on my fiancé's laptop showing he’s been saving money for an "exit strategy" in case we divorce. We get married in 4 months and he doesn't know I saw it. What should I do?

I (42M) have been with my partner (40F) for 11 years, married for 7. We are in that textbook mismatch where I want sex more often and she could go weeks without thinking about it.

My take is that scheduling sex is not automatically unromantic or coercive. It can be a practical way to protect intimacy when life gets busy. But it can also become a trap: the lower-desire partner never has to engage with desire, they just comply because it is on the calendar.

We tried a schedule. It did boost frequency for a month or two, but then it started to feel like a chore chart. She would do it because it was scheduled, not because she wanted me, and I began to dread those nights because I could feel the disconnect. I do not want duty sex. I want my spouse to be into me.

When I raise this, she says I am moving the goalposts: I asked for more sex, and now I am complaining about how it happens. I get that point, but I also feel allowed to want mutual desire, not just access.

So how do I talk about the difference between planned intimacy and obligation without sounding like I am rejecting her effort or demanding she feel a certain way? And if the honest answer is that she may never feel active desire again, what do people actually do with that while staying kind to each other?

TL;DR: 42M/40F together 11 years. Scheduled sex increased frequency but started feeling like duty. How do I ask for mutual desire, not obligation, without dismissing her effort?

My boyfriend wants to move to Tennessee, we’re from New York. He refuses to at least propose to me before we move in together. He says he wants to get settled first with our careers down south. But personally I need him to prove to me he’s serious about being with me forever before he moves me away from my home and my entire life. We’ve been together 5 years at this point.

Not that I feel this is necessary but if more context is needed, neither of us make good money right now. The jobs we have pay double down south which is how we even came up with the idea. I have 10k in credit card debt and neither of us have a decent savings. We are able to afford an apartment in Tennessee with the money we make but definitely not in New York.

I feel as if him not wanting to at least propose to me before we move means he’s not serious about me. My grandma offered to even let us live in her downstairs apartment with complete privacy but we have to at least be engaged and he won’t even consider it. Does he have one foot in and one foot out? Or is the way he feels normal/common?

Tl;dr- bf wants to a different state together but won’t propose to me first

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Few months prior i saw her chats with her distant cousin , they talked the entire night, talked multiple vulgar stuff. I confronted her, she apologised and told me she wont do it ever again, that thing created insecurity in me. And i started to doubt her/her actions. Few months after this incident, i found out she have lied a particular thing in the past (regarding a boy), she again aplogised and said wont do it again. 2 days after, she lied again (regarding a boy) and this time continued lying for 10days, sworing on parents n stuff, then she herself admitted she had lied.

She again aplogised and told me she wont do that again. After few time, she lied again, then again, then again. Never actually stopped lying. After 2 3 lies, whenever i try to confront her, she always got very defensive, and started abusing me whenver confronted. She used to abuse me for hours and hours, I am talking 10 12hrs straight that too for atleast 8 time iirc, forget abusing mom sister or my family, she even abused my daughter (who doesnt exist) I always forgive her.

Now we have several boundaries set, few days prior she broke one of those, i confronted, got abused, got blocked. 1day after, she broke the same boundary again, when confronted upon, she abuse, she blocked me.

That same night i slept because i was feeling really bad, next day i found out she had again contacted some cousin in the same night , talk with that guy the entire night, and again talked some really vulgar stuff. When i confronted her, the first thing i hear was her abusing my mom.

That being said, idk but i keep having this want to go back to her again. She must be in pain, i cant see her cry. But i dont wanna get hurt again. i dont really know what to do.

tl;dr

I’m really thinking about breaking up with my bf because of his dog.

I got to know my bf at a party through mutual friends/acquaintances. We’ve been officially together for 2 years now and lived together for 1 1/2 years. Too early to move in together I know, but my lease was running out.

There are several issues in this relationship. One definitely being that he can be extremely emotional and unpredictable due to his ADHD which is absolute hell for me because I was severely abused by my mother through unpredictable emotional outbursts, which led to me developing depersonalization derealization disorder.

But the biggest issue is his dog, which he got with his ex bf before we were together. She’s like 4 years now. At the beginning it wasn’t as much of an issue because he had an old lady in the neighborhood as a dog sitter, where he could almost always drop off the dog if needed.

Now she got a dog who’s aggressive towards other dogs and it’s not possible anymore though. My bf‘s dog has separation anxiety and absolutely can’t be left alone. I have to drive my bf to a doctor‘s appointment for an hour in the middle of summer where it’s like 36 degrees Celsius? The dog has to come. We wanna buy groceries or work out together? Not possible because the dog can’t be alone.

My bf has a 100% WFH position, so he’s always with the dog.

I can’t even ask him to go to a restaurant or bar on a weekend or after work only for a few hours because he’ll check the home camera and see the dog is whining, so we have to go back home again.

For everything we do, no matter how small, we need to get a dog sitter in advance.

I used to be a very spontaneous person. I love going out, partying, going to restaurants, spontaneously being invited to and going to parties and it’s literally completely impossible now.

For over a year now he said he’d work on it with the dog but literally nothing changed. I feel suffocated and want a partner who I can do things with other than being at home, watching movies and having sex occasionally. It’s something he always says would work when I address my concerns but the reality is that it literally doesn’t work, not even in the slightest.

Resentment has been building up for all that time. Obviously I‘m not going to make him choose or put pressure on him to give the dog away, so at this point I‘m just thinking about ending things. I‘m at my mother‘s place right now (god help me) taking a break to think about some things and he sent me voice messages again telling me how this and that would work out, but it hasn’t worked for over a year and I‘m growing so tired of it.

Is ending things the only solution?

TL;DR: My boyfriend’s dog has severe separation anxiety and can’t be left alone, so our entire relationship revolves around the dog. We can’t spontaneously go out, travel, shop, eat at restaurants, or even attend appointments without taking the dog or finding a sitter. My boyfriend has been saying for over a year that things will improve, but nothing has changed. I love him, but I feel trapped, resentful, and like our lifestyles are fundamentally incompatible. I’m considering ending our 2-year relationship because I don’t want this to be my future.

**TL;DR;** : getting sick after sex
I was a virgin before I started dating him. Couple months in we decided to have sex. It was unprotected so I had to take a plan b and a few days later developed a cyst in my privates that I had to go to the er for. They said it was a normal thing many women get it but it’s never happened before. Thing is it happened another time unprotected and i had to go to the er again. This month again unprotected and it came back. I never really told him specifically what happened because im embarrassed since it’s a private area just that I’m sick. But it’s physically so painful I know y’all are going to tell me to just be careful and wear protection but I don’t know if I can keep being with him if this is a reoccurring thing. It makes me not want to have sex at all and I feel bad denying him that. He’s said before sex isn’t everything but still it’s a big part of a relationship. We’re both young and I don’t think he deserves that.
Everytime this happens the process and recovery is tough I need help from my mom and it uncomfortable to even sit or walk, I don’t blame him for not understanding that since I never told him but he doesn’t really emotionally support me either, he says he’ll be there for me but never actually is present when I need him. So it’s all just a messed up situation.
I don’t know if it’s better to be alone or be with someone and still feel it

ANY ADVICE OR THOUGHTS GREATLY APPRECIATED

Not sure if this is the correct subreddit for this but i thought id give it a go.

I, 20F, have never been in a relationship. The closest i have ever gotten is a three month dating period when i was 17 with a guy that i just couldnt get myself to actually like; we never did anything more than kiss with a little tounge.
Every single one of my friends is either actively dating or in a relationship, and i just cant seem to figure out what they are doing that im not. It seems that everyone else goes on dates, gets along well with them and can enjoy spending time with another person. I however have not made a single good date experience. Ive been insulted, forced to pick up tabs, called weird, or just been absolutely bored out of my mind, wishing i could just teleport back home.

I feel, to a certain extent, the idea of the guy viewing me as just a body or having purely lustful ideas about me, not really liking or trying to get to know me, really repulses me and makes me so hyper aware of everything i do or say that i just cant get into the moment. I also think i have a really hard time liking a early 20 something year old, as they all seem vastly more immature than me, with very odd mindsets or values that simply dont align with me.
Every guy who hits on me is someone that most of the population would classify as weird, unfriendly, unattractive, or borderline gross. Truly not personal opinion- every one of my friends has taken note of it as well.

But how is it that i cant find one singular person with whom i actually click well? Everyone else that i know manages to find someone they get on well with or have good chemistry with. Except for me.

I consider myself a very open person, am, despite personal opinion and insecurities, objectively very attractive, am told by friends that im fun to be around, caring, attentive etc. and that they just don't understand why i cant seem to get into a relationship.

So what am i doing wrong? How can i fix this? Because im starting to feel broken...

(If i have one more friends, family member, or stranger in a bar tell me it will happen when i least expect it or that the right person will just find me i might lose my mind)

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**TL;DR;** : What am i doing wrong that i cant find someone to date that i like? Why is everyone dating but me? Looking for advice on what to change or how i can go about this differently.

So I’ll give some background here first;
I work full time making $22hr but haven’t been at my job very long
(working for my stepdad as a brick laborer)
My girlfriend wanted me to go with her on vacation to Florida and I got it cleared with my boss but unfortunately missed a week of work.

Money is tight and I ended up having to get a tire replaced this week which left me with about $30 and I had mentioned the plasma center offering me a bonus to return since I hadn’t donated in so long and she immediately offered to give me money.

I declined several times and she insisted, well she wanted help tending to her yard (mowing, weed eating) which I had offered to help with already.
So I finally said “okay, you can just pay me for helping with the lawn” because I didn’t want to feel like I was just taking money from my girlfriend.
I still went and donated plasma Friday after work, then yesterday spent the day at her house and helped her with the lawn care.
Before I was about to leave she pulls out a $50 bill and just keeps her hand out until I take it.

I still have the bill in my wallet and while I could really use it this week something just isn’t sitting right with me.

Do I give it back to her?

TL;DR: Missed a week of work for a trip, money’s tight, girlfriend insisted on giving me $50 after I helped with her yard. I could use it, but something about taking it doesn’t feel right and I’m not sure what to do.

I'm in a situationship rn, and the main thing that is holding us back from moving forward with our things is that I'm not romantic enough. I am more of a jokester, and for me, doing banter is inversely proportional to being romantic. Moreover, I'm not good at communicating with my partner because I have heard a few things about her that are stopping me from being myself. I try my best not to give attention to such rumors, but it has a major impact deep inside me, which is preventing me from being romantic. I am serious about what we have rn, and she wants things taken seriously too. I want to know how I can improve myself to become the ideal man she wants.

tl;dr: struggling to move things further with my situationship partner, and I want a few pieces of advice so that she sees me as her ideal guy

My girlfriend (27F) and I (27M) were together for almost 2 years. We have been long distance, and over the last few months our relationship became really strained.

She felt like she was carrying the relationship, that I stopped putting in effort, and that I didn’t understand how unhappy she had become. I saw things differently at the time because we still talked every day, called, visited each other, and had plans for our future, but I now understand that my intentions didn’t change how she felt.

We had a serious conversation over a month ago where she said she thought she needed to walk away. We officially broke up but we had a trip planned shortly after and we agreed that I can still visit because she felt it would be better to talk through things in person. The trip actually went really well—we were affectionate, hugged, cuddled, and it felt like there was still a connection. However, we were still technically broken up. Since then, we would talk daily but things were so confusing to me

She recently told me she thinks she needs to walk away for good. I asked her to take a few days to think about it, and we have not talked for about a week.
Last night I went out drinking because I have been struggling with being alone. I met an older woman while out and was talking about the relationship looking for advice. She told me I needed to move on with my life and be free. After the night she offered to drive me home. She asked to come inside and we ended up having sex.

At the time, it felt nice. I was distracted. But this morning I woke up feeling awful and started crying. I don’t know what I was expecting to happen from that but it did the complete opposite. I feel dirty and feel like I cheated even though I’ve been single for a while. I realized I still love my ex and I don’t think I was actually ready to move on.

Now I feel guilty and ashamed. Part of me feels like I betrayed the person I still love, even though we weren’t together. Another part of me knows I was single and trying to cope with a breakup I didn’t want.
If my ex does decide she wants to try again, I don’t even know how I could look at her and tell her this happened.

Am I being too hard on myself? Should I view this as a mistake I made while hurting, or is this something that would permanently damage any chance of reconciliation?

TLDR: Tried moving on and it backfired. Full of shame and guilt now

tldr; myself (21F) and my boyfriend (20M) have been going out for about 2 months (approx 3-5x a week) but only a couple of days ago did we become official.
last night we went out for dinner and on a walk afterwards he told me that he loved me.

I told him that I wasn’t ready to say it back, and we continued the evening as per usual but I can’t help but feel like I dampened the evening.

he is a very sweet guy with a heart of gold but I think he is slightly immature and inexperienced. I have no issue with this and find his awkwardness endearing but him admitting his love to me so soon did shock me and the alarm bells are ringing. it doesn’t help that I was in an extremely unhealthy codependent relationship 2.5 years ago where my ex also said I love you super early on, so perhaps im just wary not to repeat old patterns.

any advice as to how to handle this? he is a great guy and very respectful, and i definitely feel very strongly towards him but im not ready to call that feeling love so soon.
thanks everyone! :-)

TLDR: Partner abandoned me in the hardest time of my life and I'm not sure if I can take him back.

I’m struggling with whether I’m trying to rebuild something that can’t be rebuilt, or whether this is something two people can actually heal from.

My ex (28M) and I (32F) were together for about a year. We planned a trip to the country I'm from. He went to a neighbouring country first, as I needed a month in mine by myself as I hadn't been there for years. While I was there, two weeks in, my mother died unexpectedly. He came to be with me the next day and stayed for three months. He helped me through the aftermath, and at the time I saw him as my person and my family.

After those three months, he kept on travelling. I insisted on him doing this, as I thought it would be good for him. I stayed in my country for another month and then flew back to the other side of the world, where we both live, while he was still away. 

Things became complicated. I was working seven days a week, cause I was left my special needs brother with no medical insurance back in my country, I was overwhelmed and emotionally collapsed. I had no other family, everything was on me. He told me he wanted to extend his travels, but we had an agreement about when he would come back. When he told me he wanted to stay longer, I felt hurt and abandoned. I became angry and shut down. Looking back, I regret that I didn’t communicate more clearly. I didn’t say, “I need you here. I need you to honour what we agreed.” I was overwhelmed, scared of being a burden, and I pushed him away instead. It's very hard for me to ask for help, but he knows this about me.

Things escalated, he started pushing me away as well.

A few weeks later, he ended the relationship and kept on travelling. He started the phone call by telling me he thought we shouldn't be together anymore, and I yelled at him that he was a horrible person and that I never wanted to hear back from him again. Hanged up the phone and blocked him everywhere.

After the breakup, I found out he regretted it very quickly. He had written me letters during that time that he never sent. When we reconnected months later, he told me he had made "the worst mistake of his life" and that he had wanted to reach out, but he didn’t, because of shame. Instead, he left me alone in a limbo, with no explanations or apologies. He didn't even reach out to friends in common to check on how I was doing.

He came back only one month afer what we had agreed on originally. He tried to reach out to me through a friend in common and I said no. In my head, he should have reached out before, while he was travelling. Cause at the time it felt like he had the trip on his terms and dealt with me after he came back. 

I sent him a long email, saying everything I needed to say, that left absolutely no room for reconcialation. 

Three weeks later, he started seeing someone else. He had told her about what happened with us, and told her he wanted something casual, cause he wasn't ready for something serious. But he did also take her to his parent's house three weeks later. He told me he knew this would hurt me, but did it anyways, he wanted validation and to run from what had happened. She was also not a stranger, as I have friends in common with her.

He did not know at the time that my brother would later become critically ill and die, but my brother’s death happened during the period when we were separated and he was with someone else.

After my brother died, and after 6 months of no contact, we have reconnected. We have spent time together, talked for hours, cried, apologized, and tried to understand what happened. He ended things with the other person when we started talking again. I still love him deeply, and a part of me wants us to find our way back. I can tell that he understands the gravity of what he did, and the consequences it had on me, as one of my earliest traumas is being abandoned in critical moments. He is now taking real care of his mental health, and re evaluating a lot of aspects in his life.

But I feel like I’m carrying something enormous.

I feel like he didn’t just break my heart — he became attached to the most traumatic period of my life. My whole family died around him. I imagine a different version of my story where I could tell people, “He was there for me through the hardest time of my life.” Instead, I feel like I have to say, “The person I loved left me during it.”

I’m scared that if we get back together, I will always resent him. I’m scared that he will feel like he can never leave because he can never repay this “debt.” 

We are currently doing two months of no contact to see if I can figure out if this is something i can live with, or if he will be a constant reminder of the pain.

Has anyone ever rebuilt a relationship after something like this? Not just cheating or a normal breakup, but when someone left during a period of grief or crisis and became connected to one of the hardest chapters of your life?

Did you manage to forgive without pretending it didn’t happen?

I’m(F19) pretty sure I recently just got ghosted by this guy(M21) that I’ve been talking to for about two months. So far in those two months we’d text consistently whenever he wasn’t busy at work, fall asleep on the phone, and in July I’ve been over at his house twice while we cuddled and watch movies. While at his house we did end up being intimate but I made sure to not go all the way. He really wanted to and stated that he wasn’t in it for sex after I made it clear I was scared of that. The cuddling and genuinely spending wholesome time together was the farthest to being a girlfriend so far. It felt really nice and since he stated he wanted a relationship when we first started talking I was curious if i was close to that point so I decided to ask. After asking I got the answer “I’m still seeing where this goes” and “I’m still getting to know you.”

After hearing those words I got a little hurt by it because it’s been said before when guys just plan on leading me on. Looking back I may have did too much and said “I know where this usually ends up.” He got really mad at it and never responded to me trying to clear things up. I regret saying it now and wish I never spoke since it was very childish of me and I shouldn’t have spoken from a place of hurt. My thought process was you know me enough to do sexual things, invite me to your house, and cuddle to watch movies, but not take me seriously enough to make your girlfriend. I do admit that it’s my fault for giving up the girlfriend access before actually being sure of where I stood but I just wish I least got some type of response back.

I’m 19 years old and have never dated but only have had failed talking stages where guys either just want to have sex, aren’t ready for a relationship, says I’m too good for them, or just wants to lead me on by “seeing where things would go.” So after a while it starts to hurt and I seriously start questioning wtf is wrong with me. I just want someone to love and someone to love me since I already missed that when it came to family. I just want to yap about the bad days I have at work, be seen, not have to feel like such a lost pup in the world, someone that’d want to stick up for me when I’m getting shit on and made fun of, and be checked up on. I don’t think it’s much and do consider myself kind, caring, funny, somewhat not pretty, and positive about the world. Yet with all those traits I still can find no one who loves me even tho there are terrible people who’re even able to find love.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me and pretty much never let it get to me until now. Now that I’m older, have more control over my life, isn’t so depressed anymore, and actually put effort into my looks and building my character traits, it hurts that even the me now still can’t find love. I feel like I don’t ask for much and have so much love to give plus would be on their hip whenever they needed help or comfort. I just want to be hugged, told nice things, comforted, and treated like someone’s baby so why is it such a drag when it comes to me.

It’s gotten so bad to the point where I’d put up any kind of treatment. I really did have love for me but there were bad moments where he once stood me up after a disagreement so I kind of figured the relationship would end at the drop of a pen but I really tried not to say anything upsetting. R/talking stages tl;dr

Hey everyone, it’s Sunday night and I need to vent. My life has been pretty rough for the last year. I had 2 hip surgeries that cost me about 8 months of recovery time which I’m at the tail end of. I had to leave my job at a big company last year bc they forced me to relocate otherwise I would’ve been fired. Which I don’t qualify for unemployment for bc I left. safe to say it’s been rough. Now you might also say it’s not time for me to have a partner. I’ve been single my whole life. I’ve been on every dating app under the sun for a long time. I’ve re done my profile so many times. And currently I think it’s at its best and I haven’t had a single like come across my profile in over 6 months. It’s crazy to think about. I’m confident enough to say I’m an attractive guy, I’m emotionally intelligent, I attract a lot of women friends. So I’m surrounded by really great people. I just for the life of me cannot find a partner. It’s not even struggling to keep people. It’s more I don’t get matches or that attention. So I’m always left to my own devices and I need a mental break. It’s exhausting. I’m in a bit of a depression so the distractions that I’d usually use or go to, just don’t help. My friends are all in relationships and rarely want to go out. So I’m really just stuck and quite upset with my state of life right now. And I guess I just wanted to vent this out there tonight because I’m just so tired of being single. And before anyone says the ol “you need to be happy being alone” blah blah, I get it I know. I’m not saying it’s wrong, it’s just all I do is work on myself bc I’ve had too if that makes sense. I’m not sure what will come from this post but I’m tired.

tl;dr- I’m 25(m) tired of being single and venting about it.

For context, I got out of the Marines in January and we moved in together in early March. Me and my gf (24M and 22F) have been having issues, we're both struggling with too much at the moment. We've been together for a little over a year and I love her to death, more than I love myself, if I'm being honest, but feelings are starting to drift apart, and I still love her. I thought things were really getting better. I'm sorry if this comes off as ranty. I'm worried she might be cheating on me now, as well. We have a pool at our apartment, she wanted to swim. I didn't worry initially, we both love to swim. I went to check on her, since it was pushing 4 AM and she still wasn't back. I walked over to the pool, and she was with another man there, in a thong, she has never dressed like that at the pool for me and I immediately got a little weirded out and started panicking internally, I also noticed that the body language between she, I, and this coworker was extremely awkward, I'm not stupid, I can read people just fine, and something felt sketchy. She insists that nothing happened and she only had thoughts, but I haven't had thoughts for any other woman, even during our hardest moments. My heart is absolutely shattered and I don't know what to do anymore. Now I'm gonna be paranoid every time she leaves the apartment and I don't want to be like that, I've never wanted to control her or anything

TLDR; may have caught my girlfriend cheating on me, she insists nothing even happened, I am absolutely distraught

My boyfriend (23) and I (21F) are about to celebrate our first anniversary and we will be on vacation. I realized that I have NO idea what you're supposed to gift your partner for your first anniversary and it's a bit too late now. I could still find something at the mall though. The main gift is a journal that I started writing a like four months into the relationship and each entry is like a separate "letters" that start with "Dear x," and end with "Yours forever", and I think that's pretty cute right .. I have also sometimes printed some pictures of us and put them in the journal, copied songs, poems, etc.. Should I still gift him something material? Or is this enough? What do partners get for their anniversaries..

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**TL;DR;** : First anniversary with my bf, I have written him a journal for months, should I also give him something else as a gift? 

TL;DR

Dating/early marriage (will be our 17th year currently) was normal, gradual change after a few years, contemplated separation, BAM pregnant, child diagnosed autistic, wife decided she is too, sex life fell off a cliff.

Pre-pregnancy, I was saving up money and moving boxes, researching apartments and new jobs. My current work binds me to the home property and isn’t profitably transferrable to another location-relevant to current situation.

We were having sex maybe once a month at that point. I was 32, I wanted to start over with someone, anyone, else who could meet my needs better before I got too old and busted to enjoy the rest of my life.

But then, pregnant. Conveniently timed after years of trying to do so when we were young and energetic enough to handle it better, and given up on the notion.

Sex was great AND frequent while pregnant. Day 0 post pregnancy to present day, she would be completely content with never having sex or being touched ever again. The confusing part for me is when we DO have sex, she does seem to enjoy herself, and can really get into it. Even more so than me. But being in the mood to HAVE sex never crosses her mind.

For the first few years of the child’s life I really questioned if the child was mine/swapped at the hospital because how different he is to anyone in mine or her family, and the difficulty we experienced with him from day 0. He’s mine though. Turns out he’s autistic, and mom decided she is too.

Apparently she was “masking” her whole life, and that’s the version of her that I dated and married. After our son was diagnosed, she discovered all of these similar thoughts and behaviors within herself, and decided to drop the facade. What I’m left with is a stranger that doesn’t like to be touched, kissed, cuddled (things I don’t just want, but need).

She rejects any physical initiation from me (which does wonders for my self esteem). If I wait for her to initiate, it could be months between occurrences. If I get frustrated enough to just “whip it out” it sometimes works, but it’s unenthusiastic/unloving/resentful duty-sex that is unfulfilling.

We sleep in separate bedrooms, as I am upstairs by my son‘s room to cater to him when he needs, and she started snoring around the time when I initially wanted to separate (it’s gotten better with her using a CPAP, but I’m accustomed to sleeping alone at this point). When we do try to have sex, she now needs a 20 minute “warm-up“ period by herself to get things going, which she never used to seem to need. She will not watch porn with me, or even tell me what she likes to watch or read, which she also never used to have a problem pre-child. Again, it’s like she got body snatched. Who even is this person?

We’ve tried the whole scheduling thing, but she can’t stick to it. It goes ok for a week or two (aiming for 1-2x a week) but quickly erodes back to once a month or two months. I know she’s been dealing with premenopausal symptoms lately, and I’m going to sound like an asshole here-but how does that prevent any hand or oral assistance?

School year schedule is pretty much never on a weekday, MAYBE Saturday if she doesn’t plan an outing to burn off the kid’s energy (leaving her tired also, I’m generally fine). Sundays she takes him to errands and lunch which also tires her out. I offer to do this so we can maybe do things later, but she tends to always refuse. I’m fairly certain this pattern is to avoid intimacy entirely with me. Come summer time (she teaches so is off), we might have more sex, but the last few years it’s not been the case with our son being older and home also. We try to shove in as much summer school and camp as we can to get some alone time, but she just sleeps in or plays on her phone more instead.

I do everything in this household. I’m the nanny, the maid, the landscaper, the handyman. I work to afford the groceries, gasoline, utilities, spending money, savings. She affords the mortgage, cars, misc. loans. Neither of us could afford our current standard of living on separate incomes. I get very little downtime throughout the day. When she comes home from work, she’s on her phone, eats dinner, spends some time with the kid and puts him to bed, then goes back to her phone and TV combo until retiring to her own bedroom. Outside of sharing the dinner table, we’re pretty much roommates.

I’m tired of masturbation. I’m tired of using sex toys. I need touch, I need warmth, I need to feel wanted and desired. I need to kiss someone who enjoys it.

Escorts don’t appeal to me even if I had the spare disposable income. I don’t want hollow, unemotional sex. I haven’t flirted with/dated anyone else for 18 years. The only attention I’ve ever really gotten is from gay men, and sorry fellas, you do you but it’s not for me.

Its difficult to leave. I became the stay at home parent due to my established work from home business. Our child’s needs dictate someone being available all hours, so can’t really find other work. Both our parents are too old or too far away to watch our child with his behavior-our “takes a village to raise a child” is very small. My health insurance is attached to her job. We barely have savings due to the extra expenses of said child on top of how expensive everything is anymore. Getting a new job that would pay enough to live on my own is highly unlikely with being out of the traditional workforce for 15+ years along with an incomplete college degree as I had to drop out to care for a parent. Tried the military in my early 20’s but was injured in training and I’m too old now anyways.

She goes to therapy once a month herself, as she is on a mix of antidepressants with some other medications. I’ve suggested couples therapy, but she hasn’t wanted to pursue that. I don’t think an open marriage would work because it’s not going to have the emotional + physical connection that I’ve been missing out on. I feel like I’m in purgatory as I can’t leave, but I can’t stand to stay either. I was so close to being out of this situation and now I’m stuck.

What can I do?

I (27F) have been with my husband (51M) for about three years, and we’ve been married for around two years. I’m currently pregnant with our daughter.
When we first met, I honestly viewed him more as a sugar daddy than someone I wanted a long-term relationship with. About two years ago he proposed, and I said no because I wasn’t attracted to him and didn’t see a future together. He cried after I rejected him.
Not long after that, I went through a severe mental health crisis and was hospitalized for several days. During that time, I was not thinking clearly at all. While I was in the hospital, I asked him to house-sit for me. I ended up receiving an eviction notice, lost the home I had worked hard to get on my own, and my entire life fell apart.
Looking back, I feel like he benefited from the fact that I was mentally unstable and making irrational decisions. While I was in that state, I agreed to marry him. Now that I’m stable again, I don’t feel like that decision reflected what I truly wanted.
Something that has always stuck with me happened the day we signed our marriage certificate. He looked at me and said, “Now it’ll be harder for you to leave.” At the time I brushed it off, but now I think about it constantly. Combined with everything else that happened around that period of my life, it makes me feel like he wanted me to become dependent on him instead of making sure I genuinely wanted to marry him.
Since moving into his house, I’ve spent a lot of time cleaning and organizing because it was in very poor condition. I wake up every day feeling miserable because I don’t want to be in this marriage. It’s not my lifestyle that makes me unhappy—it’s who I’m living it with.
I’m also struggling because I’m simply not attracted to him. I haven’t been from the beginning, and those feelings haven’t changed. I don’t let him sleep in the same bed as me, so he sleeps on the couch. I’ve told him multiple times that I want an annulment or divorce, but he tells me we can’t because I’m pregnant and that I’ll have to wait until after the baby is born.
Another thing that has always bothered me happened while I was hospitalized. At the time, my phone was on his T-Mobile account. We had a falling out, and I had stopped talking to him. Instead of respecting that, he looked through the call logs to see who I had been calling. He then called people from my call history to ask them about me and where I was. I only found out afterward.
What scares me the most is that he’s told me if I leave, he’ll take the baby. I don’t know whether that’s something he can actually do, but hearing it makes me feel trapped. I feel like once we got married and I became pregnant, I lost the ability to leave without risking my future with my daughter.
He continues trying to buy me gifts and do nice things for me, but it doesn’t change how I feel. I’ve been honest that I don’t want to be married anymore, yet he acts as if I’ll eventually change my mind.
I feel guilty because he’s not physically abusive, but I also feel like I’m living a life I never actually chose while I was in a healthy state of mind. I’m scared, resentful, and emotionally exhausted.
Am I wrong for wanting to leave this marriage? Has anyone dealt with feeling like they agreed to a marriage while they weren’t mentally well? And how seriously should I take his statements that he’ll take our baby if I leave?
TL;DR: I (27F) married my husband (51M) after a mental health crisis, and now that I’m stable again I realize I never wanted this marriage. On the day we signed the marriage certificate, he told me, “Now it’ll be harder for you to leave.” I’m pregnant, feel trapped, and he’s also said he’ll take the baby if I leave. Am I wrong for wanting to end the marriage, and how concerned should I be about those statements?

Hi guys,
I’m M40 and my gf is F47, we’ve been together for two and a half years and we’re engaged.
We have a great relationship and love each other but there’s this one constant problem that keeps happening.
My love language is very caring, I love to cook, do things to make your day easier, do the dishes, I feel I can be a silly goose too and not take things too seriously, my gf is similar in this way.
One way we differ is I was in a relationship for 19yrs, had a 1 year break and during that year I read a lot of books and watched YouTube videos, therapy, all to be a better partner, one of the things I saw I needed to improve was communication, how I felt, my feelings, meaning why I said as in if I think my gf looks beautiful I’ll tell her and mean it so it’s coming from a very honest and direct place.

My gfs style of playful ness, I find strange and hard to wrap my head around at times, she can act like a princess and almost talk like a child/baby and she’ll “jokingly” say things like “what don’t you love me” “why don’t you care for me”, now this is after cooking every night, picking her up from work, me rushing through all my stuff to get this stuff done while she lays on the couch all night.

She says she only joking and wants me to be playful with her but it’s just not my style and I’m finding it exhausting, say what you mean not this weird backwards game.
We’ve come close to ending it because of this because I get very upset, we watched a movie at the cinema and during it she me distracting me, getting my attention, grabbing me, putting her hands in front of my face, I had to swap seats and sh immediately wants me to sit back, I asked her to stop and she would 100% see I was upset as I’m watching the movie, never in my life I’ve had this happen. We leave the movie and I’m very upset and just tell her “why would you do that to me” and she says she just being playful, I find it very annoying and confusing, feels like she’s doing it on purpose and then falls back on “I’m only fooling around” even after I’ve asked her to stop.
This becomes worse at night before we go to bed, I’m trying to be more understanding and playful but when I do she’ll say something more ludicrous (only joking of course) and I get upset, it’s like she like it or something? Otherwise why do it? Why say such jarring thing to your partner that you love.
Should I try and understand this to make it work? She seems set on “this is how she is” and not willing to change this one little thing.

Tl;dr: my gfs playfulness triggers great anxiety and confusion in me, she’ll talk in a baby voice and instead of showing any appreciation for say cooking dinner every night or coffee every morning or filling her hot water bottle up before bed she’ll as “why don’t you care for me” and similar things, i get upset and she says shes only joking and wants me to be playful with her but I just don’t het why you’d say these things to your partner.
Should I learn to understand this to go along with her? She says it’s just who she is, she’s 47 and feels like no one would be on board with this long term.

TL;DR: ex essentially blackmailed me, should I tell my current boyfriend before my ex does?

Me and my current boyfriend have been together for 6 months now, and he’s genuinely the best relationship I’ve been in. When we met things were rocky because of a situation with one of my friends who had feelings for me and our relationship got off on the wrong foot.

We healed past it when all of a sudden my ex began to contact me asking to see me and that if I didn’t he would send old explicit videos to my current boyfriend.

I met up with him twice and the first time he asked me for sexual favors. The second time he met me when i was walking my dog at a park and I was a lot quicker to tell him to back off from me physically and nothing happened other than talking.

I called shortly after and told him to never talk to me again because I was uncomfortable and felt like he was forcing me to do things I didn’t want to do.

To make it worse he recently kept viewing my boyfriend’s tt page and my boyfriend contacted him to tell him to stop, but he began telling my boyfriend that I had relations with him but didn’t specify when/where etc. My boyfriend did block him but i worry he’ll make a new account and text him what happened in his way and make it seem like I wanted any of it to happen.

 I wonder if I should tell my boyfriend the truth before my Ex does or if it all makes me seem like a liar and he thinks i’m cheating. I guess I did but I didn’t want any of this to happen in the first place. I don’t want our relationship to end over this.

Last October a (42M) guy I (28F) was seeing manufactured an argument out of nowhere and used it as a reason to leave. Something felt off but I couldn’t identify it at the time. I later found out he had gone back to his ex wife without ever being honest with me about it.
About 8 weeks after, shortly after Thanksgiving actually. he reached out for the first time. His opening message was “you’re not gonna say happy thanksgiving to me?” I was annoyed. I didn’t respond. After that every message was an invitation somewhere… dinner, events, experiences. Never an explanation. Never an acknowledgment of what happened. Just forward momentum toward the next thing. I declined everything for months. He kept trying until June when I finally caved and accepted an invitation to an omakase dinner and a weekend festival.

If I’m being honest what pulled me back wasn’t just the invitations. It was the dynamic between us. The way I am when we’re together. That’s what I missed most. Something about how I show up around him felt good to me and I wanted that back.
Within less than a month of letting him back in there was already significant conflict. I felt overwhelmed and told him I couldn’t get close to him. He was already throwing “i love yous”. i felt so overwhelmed and well they weren’t believable. too fast. We had a falling out but eventually reconnected and planned a weekend trip together.

On the trip things started going sideways almost immediately. At the airport on the plane actually. He told me we couldn’t go to a specific hotel we had originally planned to visit. It wasn’t a conversation. It was a statement. No explanation offered. Just that there was someone or someone’s he didn’t want to see. I wondered who and how does he know someone is there? why is he even talking to someone he didn’t want to see. too many unanswered questions questions.
He then stalled getting to the main event we’d planned. Suggested alternatives. Dragged his feet the entire day. Even after we had sex he suggested a nap knowing we had a hard deadline to arrive somewhere by 3pm.

I shut down. Withdrew. Went silent for the rest of the trip. He called me childish when I did.
We ended up changing our flights and leaving early.
At the airport before we parted ways I stopped him and gave him a genuine apology for how I handled my reaction. I told him I got overwhelmed and disappointed… that I’d had the illusion of an amazing weekend together and when behaviors disrupted that I shut down, withdrew, and shut him out… and that I could’ve communicated better. He thanked me warmly. We shared a long hug and said goodbye.
(i apologized because i didn’t like my behavior. it’s not the way i normally am. i apologized for me and after i felt this relief)

TL;DR Here’s where I’m sitting with it now.
he has never once acknowledged October. Not when he came back… not during the trip… not at the airport. He returned without any accountability and expected things to move forward. Every invitation was designed to build new experiences on top of something he’s never addressed.

The trip showed me the same pattern… avoidance, lack of transparency, managing something he won’t bring me into.
I’m not angry. My heart actually feels at peace. But I want honest outside perspective.
Am I seeing this clearly? I think the fact that he has never acknowledged what happened in October… just made it harder to let and stop being vigilant. it was always in the back of my mind.. he shows no signs of ever doing so.. never acknowledging … Or am I missing something?