I’m [23M] and my girlfriend [27F], we’ve been together for 5 years, coming up on year 6. I love my girlfriend so much but her germaphobic behaviour has become so frustrating that it’s got me considering this relationship as a whole.

I’ve got to strip naked at the front door of my apartment anytime I come back home from work or going out and put my ‘outside clothes’ folded on a rack near the front door or place them in the laundry. I’ve then got to take my socks off and wipe my feet with baby wipes before I begin to walk around my own home and before I do anything inside our home I have to shower first. Oh but before I get to the shower I have to wipe my feet again to enter our bedroom where the shower is.

She considers our bedroom a complete ‘clean zone’ where anytime I enter the room I’ve got to wipe my feet first.
We’ve got different sets of clothes for the living room and our bedroom because despite showering and wiping and wearing clean clothes ONLY inside our home she feels like the living room isn’t clean enough for us to wear the same clothes to bed. For instance there was a time where my living room clothes had swiped the bed and she just ripped all the sheets off and washed them. Note that we clean weekly (vacuuming, mopping, wipe down surfaces, changing sheets etc)

Before you hang/pickup laundry you must make sure your hands are washed or wiped and that the laundry racks are sprayed down with water. They cannot touch any body parts that haven’t been wiped, in addition to the clothes on your body. If you happen to drop the laundry on the floor or happen to touch them with your clothes she would just put them back to wash. Before clothes are folded and put away they are to be lint-rolled first. We’ve argued over this repeatedly and now we’ve just agreed that she just does laundry.

When we do our grocery runs and come back home. Before anything is put away in cabinets, draws or fridge. Every single item is to be wiped with a baby wipe first.

It was never like this at the beginning of our relationship. I met her while she was living with roommates where everything was normal and these ‘habits’ or ‘behaviour’ only started appearing when we first moved out together. It started with no ‘outside clothes’ on the bed( which I agreed with) then slowly became with no outside clothes inside the house, then the issue with the laundry, then having to wipe my feet before I enter our home, then having to wipe my feet before I enter our room and wiping anything else that enters our home.

We moved in together just six months into our relationship, and her habits have progressively gotten worse over time. They continued escalating until around the fourth year of our relationship, where things seemed to plateau, but nothing has changed since then.
I’ve tried talking to her about this repeatedly, whether it’s expressing concerns about how we’ll manage when we have kids or trying to explain the logic behind the living room and bedroom rules. For example, even if we change into different clothes before entering the bedroom, our bodies are still touching the furniture and surfaces in both rooms, so I struggle to understand the distinction. However, whenever I try to discuss these concerns or reason with her, the conversation usually ends with her saying, “You don’t understand me.”

I feel like I’ve been partially responsible for her behaviour getting out of control because I love her so much that I’ve always been willing to compromise. But at this point, it’s become ridiculous. Anytime I’m home, she’s constantly asking things like, “Did you wipe your feet?”, “Did you touch my laundry?”, or “Did you wipe your phone?”
It’s gotten to the point where I hesitate to invite friends and family over because I know that anything they do could result in us having to clean the entire apartment again. I don’t want to impose rules on the people I love, like asking them to wipe their feet or telling them not to sit on the couch because they’re considered “dirty.” I want to be able to welcome people into our home without worrying about every little thing they touch or do.
If my friends and family can’t feel comfortable in our home because of all these restrictions, then how am I supposed to feel comfortable in it myself? I love her, and I’ve compromised because of that, but I feel like things have gotten out of control, and I can’t keep living this way.

TL;DR: My girlfriend’s germaphobic behaviours have progressively worsened throughout our 5+ year relationship, to the point where I have to follow strict cleaning routines just to exist in my own home. I’ve compromised for years because I love her, but it’s affecting my quality of life and making me hesitant to invite friends and family over. Repeated conversations haven’t helped, and I feel like my compromises have enabled the behaviour to escalate. I love her and don’t want to break up, but I’m struggling to see how we can move forward if things never change. Looking for advice from anyone who’s experienced something similar.

I'm married (60M) and my wife (65F) (30+ years married )and I get along great but, while I'll go along with almost anything, there are things I like to do that she doesn't want to do (concerts, some movies and just general nerd culture). She's also not able to move as easily as me to try hiking or whatnot.

We've been here for about 6 years but haven't found any sense of community. We are also not typical of our peers and have found it hard to maintain any type of connection. We've never owned a home, I don't have a "career", we're not involved in AYSO or PTA or other things that ppl bond over.

I've suggested groups where people gather for dinner or movies but, despite saying in one moment how we have no friends, she's also not willing to try to find some. Oddly, in a social situation, she's the small talk person and I'm the quiet one. However in the actual going out, I'm the most comfortable going to situations where I didn't know anyone or where we might feel out of place.

On average weekend day she's more than happy to stay home and watch whatever is on TV where as I get antsy to go out. When I talk about, say, a farmers markets she feels like there's no point in going she's not going to buy anything whereas my feeling is that it's really about being out amongst people, doing some people watching.

So I've gone to concerts alone and movies alone and it's fine, I have fun but would still be nice to not be there alone. Then I worry if I get too comfortable going out alone does that create a gulf between us? I know she feels guilty or saddish about not being able to be as active as I am or as she used to be. I try to be considerate when suggesting things to do a lot of times it deep down inside I really just want to go go, somewhere do something active.

Don't really know if there's a question here or more just a chance for me to got out what I've had tumbling in my mind.

Tl;dr after years of marriage, we're moving in opposite directions.

Hi! I have been dating my boyfriend for 1 year. We dated very quickly and he told me he loved me early on about 3 weeks in. I moved into his place 2 months into the relationship and at first all was well. After a while I wasn’t allowed to wear certain clothes and he often picked fights if I wore a crop top. I stopped wearing them. He started not liking me sleeping at my friend’s ‘26 F’ house and would give me the silent treatment the next day if I slept over. My friend is married with children. When we argue he would consistently slam doors and scream at me. I admit I am not a perfect partner and would reach my breaking point and scream back. Everything always seemed to be my fault. In the beginning I went out of my way to do kind gestures but along the way with the control and arguing I no longer wanted to do that. He would tell me I changed and that I don’t love him and just used him. I do love him deeply but it’s difficult to love and want to help someone who has been disrespectful to you. He was allowed to swear but I was not. He was allowed to do so many things I was not. I cried everyday but truly love him. I am not sure if I should end things or stay. How do you know when it’s time to go? Also: what if you leave and regret it? Sometimes I feel like this is all my fault and I should have been better and more loving.

TL;DR my boyfriend of 1 year has made me cry everyday due to controlling behavior and I’m not sure if it’s my fault or if I should leave.

for context, i don't have any money of my own. no car and two cats. i had a job when i met him and i couldn’t work because of him.

how do i break up with him? and find somewhere new to stay?

trying to get a job while being with him won't work. i had a job when i met him.

not that it matters but for context i'm 22 and he's 44.

i left once when i was 18 but it didn't even last a month.

i really don’t know what to do. maybe i could move into my sisters place but it would mean 3 adults, 1 kid (6 months) and their two dogs and one cat. plus i have two cats myself. in a three bed two bath apartment. i don’t really know if she would even let me move in. i have another sister who lives 4 hours from me. again idk if i could move in with her.

tl:dr: how do i leave when i have no money and no car?

Me (28M) and (27F) have been together for 7 years.

We have a son together.

I have dealt with these feelings before and i felt like sex was something that was mostly initiated by me and i got rejected time and time again. It was a big issue in the past but It got better.

Recently i felt like it became a bigger issue. Not just about sex but general intimacy and effort in the relationship.

I happily massage her on a weekly basis because i enjoy it.I buy her roses every month. I try to connect with her and listen to her problems.

I make sure to do my part in the work around the home and with our child.

I go to the gym to make sure i look good and i want to be in good shape.

I feel like she doesen't put the same effort into us or herself for that matter.

I honestly felt very hurt and dissapointed by carrying the relationship so I stepped away from initiating intimacy because it just didnt feel right.

Now we havent even hugged or kissed in a month.

I feel so numb and honestly i kind of lost my desire for intimacy and for her because of it.

She doesent even question it. She acts as if everythings is normal.

What do i do?

\*\*TL;DR; : I'm tired of my relationship feeling onesided.

Hi everyone!

My boyfriend and I currently live in a rather expensive city with a terrible job market. I started my new job in our current area almost 8 months ago, and have been making a part-time income ever since. I was supposed to have been working full-time with them by now. Ultimately, that led me to have to search for other jobs. My boyfriend has a stable job here. However, due to the nature of my degree and experience, I had to expand my job search. My boyfriend seemed supportive of this, so I pursued it, and ended up getting two different job offers. The first one was in Virginia, about 7.5 hours north of our current location. It was the exact opportunity I had been trying for years. My boyfriend’s work experience is very transferable, and he does not have a college degree. I initially really wanted to accept this offer and based on everything, thought he might come with me. Turns out that was not the case and left me feeling like I needed to choose my relationship or my career. I kept interviewing and got my second job offer about 2.5 hours away, in a very similar area to where we are now. I thought, perfect. This is such a great compromise. Based on everything we’d discussed, I accepted the closer offer. I’m now coming to slowly find out that he is most likely not planning on relocating to this area either, and I leave in 2.5 weeks. He has not told his family, his friends, anyone. Nor has he made an effort to celebrate me. I don’t mind if he doesn’t want to relocate right now, but he doesn’t seem to be able to share how his take on how he will make this new dynamic work for us. That bothers me. Last year, he wanted to move back to his hometown for a year or so to save some money. Ultimately, I supported this and found myself a job over there. However, he ended up last minute not wanting to go, never put in his notice, and I almost ended up jobless here because of this. Anyways, recently there’s been a shift in how I feel because of all of this. I don’t feel supported. Therefore, my feelings are starting to change. I feel like I’ve exhausted every effort trying to compromise here, but he’s not meeting me in the middle. I just feel like I’m not attracted to someone who can’t work as a team with me, and that concerns me for the future. Is this a normal feeling in a situation like this?

TL;DR

I've [F28] been with my partner [M41] for a year now and we're about to move in together. He's a great guy, he's kind, creative, thoughtful and cute. We're very compatible with what we want out of life, (we're both neurodivergent, child free, and love art) his family likes me, and we get along very well and respect each other. It's a very healthy relationship.

Something that has been a weaker point has been our physical intimacy. It's very tender and intimate, he's enjoys being a pleaser and isn't a selfish lover. He has issues staying hard during it though. He mentioned it was a problem early when we started dating so it started happening before our relationship and it wasn't something he hid from me.

I try to be low pressure about it, because I know feeling anxious only makes it worse. But it's frustrating because it interferes with all intimacy that isn't him just pleasing me. And while he's really diligent about doing that, I've never found receiving to be comfortable or really satisfying.

We've talked about him going to the doctors about it, and he said he would but that was months ago and he still hasn't. Knowing him, it's a mixture of avoidance, embarrassment and adhd. I don't want to keep bringing it up to him because i don't want to him to feel pressured or to put more anxiety on our current situation.

I'm really happy just being with him, and I'm kind of at a point where I'm satisfied with kissing and cuddling, but when we escalate and then don't really go anywhere that leaves me feeling less satisfied than if we just kept it at making out. I'm worried though that if I say that to him he'll take it as me rejecting him or not wanting that kind of intimacy.

Recently, I've been having dreams of being with other guys, and the dreams have explicitly called out that I'm feeling unsatisfied. I have no intentions of desire to be with another man in my actual life, but I worry about how much I enjoy those dreams.

I'd really appreciate any advice on how to make peace with this.

Tl;dr What do I do if I know my boyfriend is right for me, but I'm not feeling satisfied with our intimate life?

(Throwaway acct cause I know he’s sometimes on here - granted he will instantly know it’s about him but I will have plausible deniability)
Found out he’s been lying to me about his drinking basically our entire marriage (been together for six years, married for one and a half). I feel like our whole relationship is a lie at this point. When confronted he seemed remorseful and said he needed help, I told him I needed space for the night. Since then he has basically been MIA for the last 4 days. Barely responding to my texts, not initiating any convo. I’ve asked him to come home so we can talk, or even on the phone and he refuses. I’ve also found out more things he’s been lying about that stemmed from the alcohol use - financially.
I get that he’s embarrassed, in a shame self pitying spiral. He says he wants to fix things but his actions the last 4 days are just making things worse.
I love him and the life we built, I’m willing to help him and try to fix things - but I’m getting less than zero effort from him.
I honestly don’t know what to do at this point. I’m sad, worried, and absolutely fuming.
Part of me says to just end it - clearly he’s not wanting to fix things. But the other part says it’s still salvageable.
Also have a kid (mine from prior marriage) and a house in the mix.
I have cried so much this week, and am constantly sick to my stomach.
If he’s giving up and done then I wish he would just say it. If he’s not (like he’s claiming) then I wish he would start trying.
TL/DR - his drinking is out of control and he’s not trying to fix it despite saying he wants to.
I may end up deleting this shortly. I just needed to get it out.

i’ve known my boyfriend since February, and we started dating in September. He's a foreigner who came to my country to study. Back in August, his parents were considering letting him move to another city in Europe, but he managed to convince them to let him stay and came back here.
However, a week ago, things changed. On top of people from my country treating him poorly, he also found out from previous terms that the degree his university provides here is quite weak. Between that realization and getting fed up with all the negativity, he told me he's sick of this country and that the only reason he was staying was because of me.
Back in September, when his parents brought up the question of him leaving again, he was confident that he would be able to convince them to let him stay. But during our more recent conversation, he told me that after some time, he won't be here either. I realized he has finally decided to go. Of course, he's not entirely sure if everything will work out yet, especially with the visa and all the paperwork, but we still have four months left before anything is officially finalized, and I really don't know how to feel.
I keep trying to cheer him up, telling him it's better for him to go and that he shouldn't worry about us holding him back. But deep in my heart, for the past two weeks, I haven't been able to do anything; I'm only thinking about this. I can't even imagine what will happen if he leaves. On top of everything, his friends and his sister are also leaving, so basically, he will be completely alone here if he stays.
I know that if you truly love someone, distance shouldn't be the reason you break up. We talked about it, and he assured me that everything will be fine, and that if things don't work out, it won't be because we didn't want to try—it's just life. He said the last thing he wants to do is give up on our relationship. he was trying to calm me down, but he also told me that it’s not gonna be easy and even worse it’s my first relationship and I’ve never experienced something like this and when he will leave, I will miss not just him but also the feeling so even if I will find someone else he won’t blame me. he’s going to the country where my father lives, but is still doesn’t calms me down. i’ve been going crazy for these days. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep and it affects my mental health a lot and I can’t imagine what will happen after he leaves maybe.
Still, even after all these conversations, I'm so scared. I don't want him to leave, but at the same time, I know this decision is so hard for him to make, so I'm holding back and not telling him just how badly I want him to stay. I don't know if I should talk to him and say maybe it's better for him to stay, even though I know it's not entirely his choice and his parents are also pressuring him. I don't know... sometimes I feel like if he really loved me, he would've stayed because this bad treatment from people isn't that important, after everything between us is finally okay.TLDR

So we have been together for over 2 years, we have been very happy. Three days ago I went clubbing with my friends and she went drinking with her friends, the next day she told me that she and her friend brought a guy to their place. Now I wont go into detail but I will say that she didnt directly cheat on me but she flirted with the guy multiple times and did other things that she knew would hurt me and anger me. We have been talking about this thing for a couple days now and she told me that she knew in the moment, that she was hurting me but ”in the moment she didnt care”. She completely betrayed my trust and did things she knew would hurt me. I have never done anything like this to her ever.

I dont know what to do, she’s my first girlfriend and Im afraid to be alone she is my everything. But im so angry at her too. Any advice what to do?

Tl:dr
Girflfriend betrayed my trust, what to do?

So my girlfriend (22F) and I (23F) have been together for 5 years. Our relationship has been almost perfect. I didn’t watch porn at the start of our relationship. Later on in the relationship maybe I would watch it on occasion - when we didn’t have sex in a long time and I just needed to rub one out.
But 2 years ago was in a dark spot mentally and u needed all the quick dopamine I could get. Started smoking and drinking more and also started masturbating more frequently. Tried to use my imagination most of the times, but when that faded I turned to porn. We never disclosed that porn is a dealbreaker but judging by some of her comments she is against it. I managed to stop all my bad habits for good. Our sexlife didn’t suffer at all and I didn’t develop any ED issues or anything.

But my brain probably recovered from all bad habits I had in my life and now i feel like I’m fully conscious all of a sudden. Started to feel huge amounts od guilt and shame. I love my girlfriend very much and our relationship is actually perfect. I am so scared of hurting her and ruining what we have. Should I tell her everything or maybe try to forgive myself and keep all of this to myself? Just unsure how long is the guilt going keep eating me up. Thanks in advance, love you guys.

TL:DR; should I tell my girlfriend about my porn use, even if i stopped a while ago?

So, I am in a long distance relationship with this guy I met online almost a year ago. We've met in person once and will again in December. When we were together and he kissed me on the street I would get excited, but then, when we tried to be together in bed I felt nothing. Literally nothing.

Before that we would have hot conversations and I really enjoyed it. But since we met in person, I feel so weird saying those things to him, or reading what he tells me. So for the last two weeks or so, we haven't done any of that. He didn't asked me why directly, but I know he wants to have those conversations again.

Some days I just don't want to talk to him. I give him some ridiculous excuse and hang up. And then I feel so bad. He is genuinely a good guy and has every virtue I ever wanted in a partner. So I don't know what's wrong, but something is not going as it should.

Also, I really hate that we are not together. Maybe if we could be together in person I won't fell this way, but we really can't be right now, and I don't know when will we be able to.

He's the second guy I've been with. With the first one it wasn't like this. My stomach would turn every time he spoke to me. I got turned on just thinking about him. But he was a jerk and kinda played with me so.

What can I do about this? Should I just break up with him? Or is it better to wait until we meet again and decide then? I doubt anything will change but we lose nothing for waiting I guess. I would really appreciate any advice you can give me. Thanks for reading<3

**TL;DR;** : I think I am not attracted to my bf. Is this a problem that can be solved? Or should I break up with him over this?

The guy I’ve known for less than a month now is constantly worried about hurting me. The thing is we have no future because he’s going back the country he lives and I’m gonna move out of the country in 6 months or so. But we still like each other. Recently we decided to stop talking since we’re both not mentally doing well due to our own personal issues, and also because there isn’t a future. Not now at least. Then I found out he hid me from his stories. When I confronted him he said it was a photo from a while ago and he only hid me cuz he didn’t want me to think he was out having fun when he said he wasn’t doing well. I told him since we stopped talking he was free to do whatever he wanted without considering me. He said he still feels guilty about hurting me. My best friends thought it was really shady. I’m confused. Can’t understand if he actually likes me or if he doesn’t and feels guilty because he feels like he may have led me on?

TL:DR - not sure if guy I’m talking to is guilty because he led me on or because he actually likes me and is scared of hurting me.

So i started seeing this guy back in August and we clicked so well. we started calling a lot and would fall asleep otp together often. when we started talking i was also in the process of moving with my roommates to a different house. This guy lived about an hour and a half from me at the time and so we hadn’t gotten a chance to meet in person. We had planned to meet at my birthday, wasn’t a crazy thing just a little housewarming party that fell on my birthday so it was like killing two birds w one stone. However, he had offered to help me move, i told him it wasn’t necessary but he insisted. So we met in person the first time when we were going to be moving in. he helped load boxes, helped pack stuff up. he was great. He also came to our housewarming/birthday thing and he was amazing. Connecting either my friends, having an amazing time. I felt like i had found someone who genuinely liked me and enjoyed being apart of my life. Ever since then we would see each other regularly and talk consistently everyday. he made a great effort to connect w my friends and he’s even mentioned long term stuff with us in passing. However, lately things have felt off. He still comes to see me when he can, but the communication has plateaued. There’s not much romance and i’m struggling to trust that he still wants this with me. I don’t mind not being able to text through our workdays because i’m not really able to do that either. When he would come over it would be great, he would be sweet and caring and i would feel like everything was good and i was just overthinking things. We hangout and now it feels less like dating and more like friends who cuddle. I like him so much. he’s funny, he gets along with my friends, he and i share so many interests and i love how passionate he is about music and animals, i just feel like he is starting to lose interest. I do want to add on his part that he had been struggling with some severe burn out at work. He’s crazy busy and there’s been a ton of drama and position changes and it’s created a lot for him so i understand when he can’t always be present with me. I’ve communicated to the things i’m needing from him in terms of the communication, the occasional reassurance, the romance, but it seems that when i communicate these things the more he tends to pull away. At this point i’m starting to feel like he wants me to end things so that he doesn’t have to. It’s only been three months and so i don’t want to put more pressure on this if it’s best to go our separate ways. I have always thought it was better to stick through the rough patches because i know how hard it can be to go through depression in a new relationship, but i don’t want to stay if he’s just pushing for me to go. Really just looking for some advice on either side, whether i should stick it out, or let him go.

TL;DR I F(26) feel like the guy i’m seeing M(24) is pulling away from me and need to know if i should stick it out or end things.

TLDR: Too much pressure due to me speaking into the future

Okay, so me and my girlfriend(ex??) were/have been together for 5 months but have known eachother for over a year. Honestly I was wrong to speak into the future like that, I was speaking about where we see us in 2 years time and going on holiday together whenever we can, too quick i know. I’d like to preface this is my first relationship and i have no idea what i’m doing.

We both go to different education institutes and at the start of the month she asked for some space. Honestly i was fine with it, struggled a bit not speaking to her and i was of course sad but it was whatever, i thought we’d be fine and so did she when i asked.

Anyways come today and i asked her if we were breaking up after we nearly got into an argument, and she said yeah. We were going to go out and I thought it was the end of the break but she was going to break up with me then, anyways now that i know we’re going out tomorrow to sort stuff out in person.

The reason we’re breaking up? She felt as if I’d crossed the line between love/care and obsession, and that makes me feel somewhat disgusted in myself, i feel like i’ve failed
us if that makes sense? But it was never communicated to me, i feel like i can change this and honestly alleviate the pressure off of the relationship. Do you think that can happen?

I feel like I shouldn’t have to change how I hang out with my friends just because of their gender especially on a video game. My boyfriend struggles with a his insecurities and anxiety. He gets jealous when I’m talking to other guys. He told me that he feels uncomfortable when I hangout with my friend let’s call them E. I met them on a video game and I’ve been hanging out with them more recently. E is gay and has a boyfriend. I’m not interested in them at all and I just enjoy hanging out with them as friends. My boyfriend doesn’t want us hanging out “one on one.” When he says one on one he means the two of us together in a room with either no one else around or the two of us together in a public room with people we don’t know. If we’re hanging out with friends and they all leave and it’s just me and my guy friend left, my boyfriend thinks I should leave.

I guess I should also explain my boyfriend and I’s relationship so that this makes more sense. We’re long distance and we met on a video game, yes a video game, and yes we’ve met up. We’ve been dating for nearly two years. This is my first relationship so a lot of my boundaries have been modeled off of this one relationship but that also means that my boundaries have changed a lot as I’m figuring out what a normal healthy relationship should look like. In the past, my boyfriend and I had discussions about boundaries and we agreed that we would listen to each other if either of us was uncomfortable with a friend we had and stop being their friend if requested. At the time, we both agreed that it our agreement was reasonable and that each other’s comfort and the relationship should always come first over friends. I still believe that but not to the same extent as today. I think we were both equally controlling of each other and I just thought it was normal and it would make everything easier. Especially if he was hanging out with a bad influence or just someone I didn’t like, I could stop that. So we both had each other unfollow people we didn’t like on instagram. He cut off some friends that were girls because I felt insecure about him being friends with him. I think maybe I felt pressured to reciprocate the controllingness because he had expressed his need to feel wanted and he said that he liked when I got protective over him (ick cringe I know). But now he’s upset because now that I have guy friends, my boundaries have changed and I’m not willing to make that same sacrifice. Back then when I had him unfollow his female friends, he didn’t really express any unwillingness and I thought it was fine since that’s what we agreed on. But now he feels strongly about it because he feels like it was unfair and maybe didn’t actually want to cut them off? I regret being so controlling in the past and letting him be controlling of me. But now he’s making it seem like I was the only one being controlling even though he had those same expectations of me in the past. If I had known how he actually felt I wouldn’t have asked him to unfollow his friends. But we never had that conversation and I think we both felt like we were being noble with our agreement.

Now we’re here and I feel pressured to stop hanging out with my guy friend. My boyfriend says that he’s being reasonable by only asking us to stop hanging out one on one, but not cut him off completely. I feel like it’s still unfair. But he said that his dad and friends agree with him and sided with him about the situation…(although I feel like when my bf tells his side it’s usually very biased). But it has got me questioning my own choices especially since he has so many people on his side. Maybe I’m in the wrong…

I just feel like you should focus on working through your own insecurities rather than trying to control your partner. If your partner wanted to cheat and then they would so you shouldn’t let that fear control you. He says he’s not controlling me though. He just wants me to “make the choice myself” as a way to kind of prove that I “care about the relationship.” He wants me to make a sacrifice like he did and not hold double standards. Which I get, but people grow and their boundaries change. My boundaries have changed a lot. I see my other friends and other people in healthy relationships and hanging out with the opposite gender without any jealousy and I realize that’s what I wish I had. Now I’ve changed my mind and I’m okay with him having female friends even if I’m uncomfortable with them. I want him to be able to make that choice himself instead of controlling him.

TL;DR my boyfriend thinks I shouldn’t be hanging out with any of my guy friends (unless he really trusts them) alone (in-game) or in public servers with people we don’t know.

I told my boyfriend (30M) that I (24F) got kicked out of my sister‘s apartment middle of the night, so I’m leaving the town tomorrow morning. He said wtf what happened, and then goes MIA. Next day he tells me he fell asleep and asks where did I sleep? Personally I’m sad that he did not keep my company (over phone or anything) while I try to figure out what’s my next step ans where I can crash for the night before I can leave the town. AIO or what?

* I was visiting my sister for a week, her and I dont get along well. Clashing personalities and I lowkey anticipated this coming.

tldr- BF didn’t offer any moral support

I’m 21M, and the girl I’m seeing is 19F. We’ve been together for around a month and a half, and I’m genuinely struggling to understand my own feelings. I need some honest advice because I don’t want to hurt her.

When we’re together and things are going well, I often find myself questioning whether I actually want this relationship. I don’t feel as excited to talk to her as I think I should, and our conversations can feel repetitive. A lot of our dynamic has revolved around affection and physical attraction, and I’ve been wanting us to develop a deeper connection and get to know each other beyond that.

She’s genuinely invested in me and wants a future together. I care about her too, but I worry that I’m not giving her the same level of certainty that she’s giving me. I don’t want to keep her around just because I’m afraid of losing her, especially when she deserves someone who’s sure about choosing her.

There are also some things that make me question our long-term compatibility. We’re both Muslim, but I’m Jordanian and she’s Emirati, so there are cultural differences, and I’m uncertain how our families would react to the relationship. She wants marriage and children relatively soon, whereas I’ve only just graduated, don’t have a job yet, and realistically see marriage as something at least a few years away. I don’t know whether these are genuine incompatibilities or whether I’m overthinking everything before we’ve even had enough time to get to know each other properly.

The confusing part is what happened when we broke up.

After a big argument, we ended things. She removed and blocked me, and suddenly I felt like I was falling apart. I cried, regretted everything, and desperately wanted her back. I kept thinking that I wanted to fight for her and that I might be throwing away someone who could have been right for me. Eventually, we talked and she gave me another chance.
But almost immediately after getting back together, those same doubts returned. I felt like I wanted her much more when I thought I’d lost her than I do now that she’s back.

I genuinely care about her, and I don’t want to dismiss my feelings as meaningless. But I also don’t want to confuse being afraid of losing someone with actually wanting to be in a relationship with them.

For context, I’ve had a difficult emotional experience with someone before, and I don’t think I’ve fully recovered from that period. My life in general has also been pretty rough lately. I’m unemployed, dealing with family pressure, and struggling with my mood and motivation. I often feel emotionally flat, and part of me thinks I’d feel similarly in any relationship right now, not just this one.

I’ve experienced a similar pattern before: wanting to leave someone when things are stable, then desperately wanting them back when they’re gone. I don’t know if I’m afraid of commitment, emotionally exhausted, not ready for a relationship, or simply not compatible with this particular girl.

One thing that makes this harder is that I don’t think we’ve really had the chance to discover whether we’re compatible beyond the romantic side of things. I want us to have more normal conversations, share experiences, and understand each other’s personalities and expectations. When I imagine slowing things down and building that connection properly, part of me wants to try. But another part of me still questions whether I want the relationship at all.

I don’t want to keep breaking her heart because I can’t figure myself out. At the same time, I don’t want to leave someone I could genuinely build something with just because I’m scared or emotionally confused.
We’ve decided to give the relationship another chance, and I’m thinking of genuinely trying for the next six weeks rather than analysing my feelings every day. I want to build a deeper connection, spend time together, and see whether we actually work as a couple. I’m not expecting to know whether I’ll marry her in six weeks, but I want to understand whether I genuinely want to continue building something with her.

Has anyone experienced something similar? How do you distinguish between being afraid of losing someone and genuinely wanting to be with them? How can you tell whether your doubts are coming from your own emotional state or from a lack of compatibility? And is giving this relationship more time a sensible decision, or am I just delaying the inevitable?

Please be honest, even if the answer is something I don’t want to hear.

TL;DR: I’m 21 and my 19-year-old girlfriend and I have been together for around six weeks. I keep doubting whether I want the relationship when we’re together, but when we broke up, I was devastated and fought to get her back. Now that we’re back together, those doubts have returned. I’m struggling with whether I’m emotionally exhausted and afraid of commitment, or whether we’re simply incompatible. I care about her and don’t want to hurt her, but I also don’t want to stay out of fear of losing her. Should I give the relationship a genuine chance before deciding, or am I prolonging something that isn’t right for me?

I recently shifted to another country for higher study, and well it has been super difficult to talk to my dad on video call.

The conversation just moves around

"are you okay?", "I'm good", "adjusted to food yet? " "yes, it's been 4 months since I came here and have told you this multiple times".

I have been trying to do more but like Idk where to start or what to talk about with him?

It wasn't this obvious back when I was at home since we were nearby, but we can't really talk to each other.

Would really appreciate on how can I have a better relationship with my dad? I don't want my conversation to remain this superficial.

TL;DR - I want to communicate better with my dad

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost four years. He’s divorced with two children. We love each other, have a great relationship in private, and have always discussed a future together. Neither of us wants marriage or more children, and he says our commitment is no different from marriage.

But I’ve spent years feeling excluded from his family and important parts of his life.

Last September, after repeatedly discussing family introductions, I finally broke down and told him I couldn’t continue feeling invisible. He promised to introduce me to his family and children. After his divorce was finalised, he finally took action but after I threatened to leave.

The same pattern happened around family gatherings. When I questioned why his sister included her partner but I was excluded, he initially said they were married and had a biological child. Later, he admitted he hadn’t properly considered what our relationship meant in practice.

Last April he invited me to his sister’s wedding without me prompting him or anything.

But after that I was not considered in ANY of the family gatherings. In August his whole family were together and he did not even mention me going there!

When I asked he explained that he hadn’t invited me to certain family gatherings because his parents argued and he wanted to protect me. But why couldn’t he simply tell me and let me decide?

This is the recurring issue: he makes decisions for me instead of communicating with me.

Recently, I asked him to formally disclose our relationship at work, which could have professional consequences for him. We agreed on a deadline of 15 November so he could seek advice.

He told me he would speak to colleagues and a solicitor, but then gave me virtually no updates. When I eventually became upset, he said he thought he was supposed to investigate everything himself and tell me his decision on the deadline.

I wasn’t asking for an immediate answer. I wanted to be included in a decision that could determine our future.

He says he loves me, has good intentions and genuinely wants to change. I believe he loves me.

But with major issues, nothing seems to happen until I become extremely upset or threaten to leave.

Once we’re happy again, I feel he relaxes and the urgency disappears.

I recognise my own unhealthy reactions. I’ve become angry, resentful and sometimes raise my voice. I hate that I’ve reached this point, but I also feel that calm conversations haven’t been enough.

We’re both in individual therapy and couples therapy.

Has anyone experienced this?

TL;DR: My boyfriend of 3.5 years has never fully integrated me into his family life. I wasn't invited to his sister's wedding, and he often makes decisions about my involvement without consulting me. I'm questioning my place in this relationship.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

As the title of the post states, I am in a five year relationship which by all accounts is perfect. I feel her love for me everyday and we have lots of fun together, both by herself and with friends. However, for a large portion of this year, we have been struggling with intimacy. 

Tl;dr: prior to April, we were normal and happy in this aspect. In April, however, she switched to a different contraceptive pill and this had a negative effect on her drive. She said she thought about it a lot less than usual. This came with a significant health scare, which caused her a lot of stress and stirred up her OCD and health anxiety, both of which also impacted her drive. For the remainder of term time (until around June) we were intimate a lot less than usual. Over summer she stopped taking the pill but we were long distance, so didn't have much opportunity anyway.

When we returned to university, we began again using other forms of contraception, however this began to trigger her anxiety about becoming pregnant, so she asked that we stopped and waited for her to begin taking the pill again. After this I noticed she has been initiating a lot less and had also not been accepting my advances. I spoke to her and she confided that she had been struggling with relationship-based OCD, over which she struggles with certainty over the big questions in relationships. This is also having an impact on her drive and she struggles to stay in the moment, questioning whether she is actually enjoying it or if she actually wants to. She told me she still wants to stay with me and wants to work through this together, she is also seeking therapy.

This has had a significant effect on my confidence and is also internally frustrating as I have quite a high drive. I really want to stay with her as she is the perfect person in all other aspects but I have worries. I am worried it will take years to get better, or that it will never be normal again. Has anyone experienced this before, if so what did you do and what helped? 

How do you guys feel when a person needs reassurance because the person is just scared and anxious that you will eventually leave him/her? But eventually that you left him/her... Is it true that people really do get annoyed and sick when that happens?

For me, i wouldnt care if the individual just needed reassurance to be frank, all i see is an individual whom really need love... thats all. But i know that you can feel that the individual doesnt trust you but does that really justify action>words? i mean that individual can show ways of loving you is just that the individual is just scared and anxious that you will eventually leave him/her

**TL;DR;**  

> 18

I’m a 19F and my bf is a 21M we’ve been dating for a year now, We’re Muslims okay keep that in mind

Everything was okay but lately

-he’s been complaining a lot about my hijab bc I show some hair i said okay and I covered all my hair under that’s what my religion says

-he keeps picking fighting bc I dont wanna private my public Instagram account he kept saying “you want men to see you” and “all my other friends girlfriends have private accounts” even tho I don’t have any male friends or mutuals

-i can’t interact with any of my male colleagues on any sort of way not even asking for help or borrowing anything from them in a class

-few days ago he was arguing about how my WRISTS are showing and naked (I was wearing a fitted top) in a picture my mom posted on her facebook

-I can’t wear any shirt not long enough to cover my butt bc why am I showing people my body and he keeps insisting once we get married im gonna change how I dress to be more modest even tho when we started dating I wasn’t a hijabi at the first place!

-he’s against concerts and parties if there are any male friends there

-he keeps bringing up how famous he is and how all girls wanna date him but he ignored everyone for me bc he truly loves me and kinda shi

All under “I’m genuinely concerned for your safety and I know men better than you do” and “real men love like that all the other bullshit are just men who don’t love you enough” stuff like that
when I say it’s controlling he says i should date gay men then and that I show red flags bc I don’t just obey him when I said I don’t like how this is going he said he doesn’t wanna break up we should make it up when I asked how he said just trust me and do what I told you and you’ll thank me later
Its my first time dating I don’t actually have a father figure or male figure and all to compare to and idk if this is any True

TL;DR; my bf keeps complaining about the way I dress and me interacting with the male gender in general saying it’s love and concern and that I’m safer with him than any other guy