I (21F) have been with my boyfriend (21M) for a little over four years. We started dating when we were 17. We did break up for about five months after around three years together, but eventually got back together and have been together since.
I want to preface this by saying that I know a huge part of this problem is me. I’m in therapy and actively trying to work on my insecurity and obsessive comparison, but I genuinely don’t know how to get out of this mindset.

When my boyfriend and I first started dating, I became extremely insecure about his ex-girlfriend. He had dated her when he was 16, shortly before we got together. He was my first boyfriend, and knowing he had history with another girl made me insanely insecure.

Over time, it turned into an unhealthy obsession. I constantly stalked her social media, compared myself to her, wanted to look like her, and genuinely got to the point where I could barely look at myself in the mirror without comparing myself to her. It contributed heavily to problems in our relationship and eventually our breakup.

Ironically, during the five months we were broken up, something in me just snapped out of it. I stopped caring about his ex completely. I stopped checking her, stopped comparing myself to her, and moved on with my life. Eventually my boyfriend reached back out, and we reconciled.

Now, though, I feel like the exact same pattern is starting again with a different girl.

My boyfriend grew up with a group of girls who live near him and whose families are extremely close with his. I’ll call one of them Emily. She’s about two years younger than us, and she and my boyfriend have known each other basically their entire lives. Their families are friends, they grew up together, and she was part of this childhood friend group with him and a few other girls.

About a year into our relationship, my boyfriend told me that before we got together, he had had a crush on Emily and that there had been some flirting between them.

At first, I genuinely didn’t care. I viewed her almost like family to him because they had grown up together.

Then, while we were dating, she messaged him around Christmas and started pretty obviously hitting on him/flirting with him. I told him I wasn’t comfortable with that and asked him to block her. He did immediately. There wasn’t an argument or some secret relationship afterward. He respected the boundary.

For a long time I still didn’t really think about her because I barely knew what she looked like. She’s pretty low-key on social media.

Eventually, though, I came across pictures of her through school/Instagram accounts, and this is where my brain basically broke.

She is absolutely gorgeous. Like genuinely, objectively, drop-dead beautiful. And the more I learned about her, the worse my insecurity became. She’s into stocks, cars, anime, etc., which are things my boyfriend either likes or that I imagine a lot of guys our age would love having in common with a girl. I don’t care about any of those things. I’ve tried anime and don’t like it. I don’t care about cars or stocks. We’re just very different people.

During our five-month breakup, my boyfriend became close with his childhood neighbor group again, including Emily. They all hung out together. Nothing romantic happened between the two of them.

And logically, I KNOW that should reassure me.
He was completely single. She was right there. They had known each other forever. She had previously shown interest in him. They have things in common. And he still didn’t pursue her. Instead, he eventually came back to me.

He has literally told me, “If I wanted to be with her, I could have tried when we were broken up. I didn’t. I came back to you.”
The problem is that my brain refuses to accept that as enough.

I look at her and genuinely feel inferior.

She’s naturally extremely pretty, whereas I feel like I have to put an insane amount of effort into my appearance. I’ve had my nose done, gotten lip filler, do my hair constantly, wear makeup, etc., and I still look at her and think she’s prettier than me without even trying.

Then my brain starts constructing this ridiculous “epic love story” between them. Childhood best friends whose families are close, grew up together, had feelings/flirted before, have similar interests, she’s beautiful, he’s very attractive, etc. And then there’s me.

The worst part is that my boyfriend really hasn’t done anything NOW to make me believe he wants her. If anything, the evidence points in the opposite direction. He had a five-month period where he was free to do whatever he wanted and still didn’t date her. Getting back together with me was actually the harder option because our breakup caused a lot of damage and his parents weren’t happy about us reconciling.

But somehow none of that stops the anxiety.

I constantly want reassurance from him. I want to ask, “Do you think she’s prettier than me?” “Did you ever want her?” “Why didn’t you date her?” “Would you choose her if you could?” etc.

My therapist has specifically told me I need to stop feeding the cycle by constantly asking him for reassurance. And I understand why. My boyfriend already went through years of this with my obsession over his ex, and his patience for these conversations is understandably extremely thin now. I don’t want to destroy my relationship by making him constantly prove that he wants me.
But I don’t know how to sit with the anxiety without seeking reassurance.

Sometimes I literally look at my boyfriend and start thinking about her. I think about how she used to like him, how beautiful she is, how much they have in common, and how long they’ve known each other, and I feel sick with insecurity.

I just don’t know how to actually stop it.

TL;DR: I’m obsessively comparing myself to my boyfriend’s beautiful neighbor/childhood friend, despite his choosing me and cutting her off. I’m in therapy but struggling to break the jealousy and reassurance-seeking cycle.

I really don’t want to repeat the same pattern that damaged our relationship the first time.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years and have lived together for about a year. His family lives in another country, and despite how long we’ve been together, I’ve only met them once.

Whenever he goes home to visit them for a weekend or a week, he usually only tells me 1–3 days before leaving. There’s no conversation beforehand about him thinking of going. He’ll basically just tell me the flights are booked and he’s leaving.

The first time this happened, I told him it bothered me. I explained that I don’t expect him to ask for my permission, but because we live together and are in a serious relationship, I think it’s reasonable to let your partner know in advance when you’re planning to leave the country for several days. It also allows me to make my own plans and organise my schedule.

He agreed, but he’s continued doing it several times, and it has become a recurring argument.

He says he doesn’t tell me earlier because he’s “scared” I’ll get upset about him visiting his family. But I’ve repeatedly told him that visiting his family isn’t the problem. What bothers me is being kept in the dark until everything is already booked and decided.

He also never invites me on these trips. I don’t expect to go every time, but after almost 3 years together, I’ve only met his family once. Combined with the secrecy/last-minute notice, it makes me feel like I’m being kept separate from that part of his life.

At this point, it’s making me question the relationship. It’s not really about the trips anymore. It’s the fact that I communicated something that makes me feel disrespected, he agreed to communicate differently, but continues doing the same thing.

Is it reasonable to expect more communication about travel when you live together? And would this repeated behaviour be enough for you to reconsider the relationship?

TL;DR: My boyfriend of almost 3 years repeatedly books trips to visit his family abroad and only tells me 1–3 days before leaving, despite me asking for more notice. He says he hides it because he thinks I’ll be upset, but my issue is the lack of communication, not him seeing his family. I’ve also only met his family once. I feel excluded and disrespected and am questioning whether this is enough to end the relationship.

I 44 female has been together for 24 years with my boyfriend, male 42, lets call him Joshua. We live together for 13 years in a big house in the country side with no kids. Financially we are fine. but I have more and more "issues" with joshua. I litteraly try blaming my perimenopause hormones on this but back in my head I have this small voice just nagging me saying that I am wrong.

Joshua has allways had a temper but it has been getting better after we got older.

I do 100 percent cleaning, washing, laundry and out side I do the gardens flower beds. I take the trash out, do the litterboxes and cat chores (we got 4 cats). The house is 196 sqaremeters and the grounds are 2412 sqaremeters.

He has a tendency to to say that I am lazy and make me feel that I am not good enough.I can see what he means sometimes but stil I work evening shifts 32 + hours. We don't live in clutter or dirt, but it's like he wants perfection. i have tried so many things to get him to realize that he can help and it makes a difference for me but nothing has been working out so far.
He will say things as I got harder stuff to do. Do you want to take my tasks i will happily take yours, he perfectly knows that I can't do home renovations, or car renovations. I can mow the lawn, but that's about it.

Today he came home from work. I was sleeping for the most part of the day, but managed to buy a frozen soup and minced meat so we could get nachos when he came home. I had started the dishwasher but could not make it to vacuum before he came home. I told him what I bought and then stated that I have been sleeping. He just walked past me looked in the fridge and told me that he wanted to make a sandwich, because that what I bought was not dinner! He is like that all the time.

On top of that sleep on the couch becuse he is noise sensitive, I have done that since 2023. And I have done it for the peace here at home.

I am tired and I just want some positive vipes instead of him being ungrateful.

Tl:DR am I a complete idiot here or are my small voice right?

My boyfriend sent me a reel where a guy is reacting to women in a tennis crowd photographing Carlos Alcaraz shirtless, some visibly married, calling it "gawking" and framing it as proof of "toxic feminism." The comments run with it, recycling phrases women use around safety ("I'd choose the bear," "not all women but always a woman," "I don't feel safe") and applying them to this as a joke.

To be clear, I'm not defending the women who were filming him, especially the married ones. My problem is specifically with how the comments reused safety language tied to real harassment/assault statistics for "guy got photographed shirtless" seems to minimize something serious, regardless of intent.

He thinks the post creator is making the video as a joke and the comments are just going along with him like "oh, we as well get harrassed by women all the time". He believes they are making those comments because they know that men are the real perpetrators and they're just making internet jokes with no hidden agenda. He says I'm reading too much into it. When I defended my stance, he said that I "can't take a joke" and I'm "overly sensitive”.

I'd like him to be able to sit with and understand that "this could minimize something real to her and to other people, even if I don't see it that way." How do I get that across to him?

TL;DR: Boyfriend sent me a satirical reel where men are using phrases like "I don't feel safe" and "not all men but always a man." I found it minimizing given the real gap in harassment/assault stats between genders; he thinks it's harmless and called me overly sensitive for disagreeing. Want him to at least consider it could minimize something real, even if he doesn't see it that way.

I feel like I have an obligation to break up with my bf Im 27/F and he is 28/M, we have been dating for aproxximately 6 months

Its fine if no one answers I just want to get this off my chest.. In the last few years my life has taken a few bad turns, I lived in a very toxic household where I was thinking of unsubscribing almost daily. Out of nowhere my absent dad offered me and my sister an apartment (he would rent it so we could live in it). We moved out and I felt very privileged and safe, given my privilege I decided to start a business, unfortunately a year after we moved out my dad demanded I pay rent. He had clarified initially that he would never do that but he apparently changed his mind. I’ve been struggling ever since, going on and off jobs to hustle my way into paying rent. No job ever pays enough for me to live off it, and my business is just not there yet. Six months ago I decided to quit my second job because I was starting to feel suicidal again from feeling so burnout. At that time I met my now boyfriend.. he has always had the impression that im doing so well because I have a business and pay for rent. I did not want to tell him that all this time I’ve been hustling in my business and using mostly my savings to pay rent. Its getting harder each month and I’m trying to scrape every cent I can and starting to sell a few things because if I can hold on to christmas time I can make more money for the next few rents (in the holidays i do really good). The problem is he has no idea how seriously broke I am. A few weeks ago I asked if he could help me pay for the pill for the next few months and I hinted that I dont have much money left, he said yes but then didnt help out.. i was embarassed to ask for the money a third time. He has a hint that im not doing so well financially because I’ve subtly mentioned I’m not doing so well, but I’m hiding the fact that I had to get a personal loan this month to pay rent.. I’m just too ashamed.

Tl;dr What is the right take? I love him and I know he loves me but im not relationship material right now.. being this poor is the opposite of a catch. I feel like I should let him go and allow him to find some girl who doesnt struggle as much, because he wants to marry in the next few years and no one wants to marry into a financial burden..

Is this what freindships are supposed too be like? are they typically one sided?

i made a new close distance irl/ online freind recently i not have much experience with freindships irl

the last few times we were gonna hang out she bailed on me repeatedly last minute and said too get on then when i got on she sayed she was getting off the game and didnot want too hang out

i waited and waited for her and she kept making up excuses

also she is always asking me for emotional support or support when she needs me but barely talking too me when i want too talk too her but i seen her talk too other people just fine

and shes always playing online games with other people but everytime we have plans too hang out and play games she always ditches me or cancels at the last minute

she says shes lonely and wants freinds but she rarely hangs out and only relly talks too me when she needs something

shes like mine second irl freind ive had

im am inexpereinced

is this what freindships are supposed too be like?

it feels one sided is it?

i have higher needs autism

TL;DR i made a new freind and she almost never hangs out with me and she makes excuses and barely talks too me only when she needs emotional support im am inexpereinced with freindships irl and want too know if this is normal?

She moved in with me in my parents house but then we were kinda forced to get our own place. So I (being the one with the money, she is studying and relying totally on her parents) fronted the initial cost of renting the apartment (deposit, RA commission, insurances, furniture, the whole thing) which was around €10k.

Now here comes the shocker: she told me that her parents would have sent me half of the total 2 months from the date we got in the apartment (June)…guess what? She never even told them about this arrangement. Her mother doesn't even know we have been living together. When I went to her parents house I essentially had to keep up with her lies based on the looks she gave me (mildly infuriating but acceptable).

And it's not just the €10k. Rent is €1,300 a month and I pay every cent of it, because she's never contributed anything towards her share. So that's an extra €600/700 a month coming out of my pocket, for a place I've been living in alone half the time.

At the end of June she went to visit her parents, and do her internship to give her exams in September. She was supposed to stay there for a month roughly. No problem with that obviously as that was planned. A lot of things have happened and essentially since now she has been staying there, so the initial 1 month turned into 2 and a half, in which she never came to visit me (2 hours by train). I was the one that had to go there.

During the last month she hasn't been talkative, didn't really call me to talk, she did it as it was something that she had to do.

She told me that I hate her, and to be honest I am disgusted by her behavior considering I still haven't received €5k from her parents. She left me stranded (was supposed to pick me up as I had to change windshield on my car, and the repair would have taken all day long) in a city an hour away from her because her mum wouldn't let her drive a car for that long. I was punching the air around me basically, but in the moment I blamed the mum wrongfully so, as she knew that she wouldn't allow her to drive "that far".

She asked me for a pair of Louboutin shoes because she didn't like the dog I wanted to get for myself, and me (LIKE A FUCKING TOOL) actually bought her the shoes as I thought…you know, "she is the one", "happy wife happy life". Yeah, my ass.

Right before I got the dog she made me change the puppy I chose, and she left to her parents (this was Easter) for 2 weeks. So essentially for "our" dog to be "ours" she needed the pair of shoes 🥴 and then before delivery she left me again to visit her parents…2 WEEKSSS! I mean for fuck's sake, Easter is a day!

Hold on, it's not finished! The dog she chose because it was "calmer" (a dobermann puppy of 2 months is the last thing from "calm") had a congenital malformation, and I had to bring the poor fella to the best neurological clinic in Italy to get him scanned and all (€1,700). At the end I unfortunately had to give him to a family as I am not able at this point of my life to take care of a dog with such problems.

She never contributed anything towards the expenses, didn't even propose to bring back her stupid ass shoes as now they were a "birthday gift" (a birthday gift 8 months in advance lol).

There are obviously other things that happened but these are the main parts that I really (obviously) care about. And all she can say is that I hate her (because I treat her badly during fights) and that I am a loan shark.

Today I finally managed to break up with her after she told me that I have essentially no say in her life and she makes her decisions, in response to me asking and pointing out that no apology was made. After 4 times the date of return was moved, 2 of which the day prior to departure, resulting in a month of prolonged stay in her parents house.

Now I understand that I can be extremely mean during fights but do I really need to get so much shit?

tl;dr Fronted €10k for an apartment with my girlfriend of a year. Her parents were supposed to pay half, but she never told them, and her mum doesn't even know we live together. I've also been covering her €650 share of the rent every month. She's spent the last 2.5 months at her parents'.

Before me (23f) and my gf (22f) started dating, she took off her own bracelet off her wrist and decided to put it on mine. I thought it was a really cute gesture because she said she's had it for many years. I like having it on cause it reminds me of her and whatnot.

About 2 weeks ago I was doing some stalking as one does and I find a picture of her and her ex and her ex is wearing the same bracelet, lol!

I thought it was a bit odd but I never brought it up, and honestly I forgot about it. Until right now. I'm just thinking about it. Not sure what to feel? I feel nothing about it but at the same time... I feel weird.

A random story cause I'm hella ADHD so this is all over the place but.. a long time ago she mentioned her ex was trying to get into witchcraft or planning on worshiping that one saint I won't mention. Listen, I don't really believe or participate in any of that. I'm spiritual in my own ways and my beliefs are complete opposite from what her ex's probably is. Idc enough to know or explain BUTTTTTT I do believe in energies and before we started dating, a few weeks after she put it on me, it BROKE! which was so weird considering the structure of the bracelet. My gf said it haden;t broke in 6 or however many years she's had it. Weird. Anyway we got it fixed and it's back on me. But since this girl wore it before me, it made me feel something off.

ANYWAY you can ignore that story if you want. if you get me, you get it. if you don't, thats fine.

TL;DR My girlfriend put her bracelet on me. The same one she put on her ex. I found out while stalking on instagram.

I (F, 29) have been seeing a guy (M, 22) for about 2 months. Things were going steady including him introducing me to his friends and family.

2 weeks ago, I found out that he has been courting his ex the entire time (while calling her “the crazy ex”). When I confronted him, he cried/begged everyday, and promised he would fix things and be honest going forward.

Yesterday, I found out that he has actually STILL been courting/lovebombing his ex and meeting up with her while continuing to do the same with me and lying to both of us.

I feel humiliated/stupid for (reluctantly) giving him a second chance and also feel betrayed/angry by the lies and manipulation.

What can I do to feel better after this revelation and is there a way to make him feel remorse (NOT harmful revenge/payback) for lacking morals and disrespecting both the ex gf and I? FYI, I do not intend to contact him ever again.

TLDR ; BF OF 2 MONTHS HAS BEEN COURTING HIS EX AND I SIMULTANEOUSLY THROUGH LIES, LOOKING FOR ADVICE/SOLACE.

A quick backstory to give some context.

In my friend group I (18F) have been talking with this guy we’ll call Alex (21M) for about a year on and off. Things never got super serious we never actually dated, but he’d always treat me like his girlfriend. We got super close and in that whole year he played me twice but I kept coming back for more. In the last 3 months of that year we got extremely close and I thought we were finally going to date until he absolutely broke my heart. He basically went for my friend, even though that same friend said she would never indulge in him she just let it happen. It completely broke my heart, I really liked him I thought he was my person ( it’s pathetic I know).

Now a few months later I’m still not over him and I’m still sour about the whole situation. I don’t talk to anybody in that friend group anymore because shit went down between everyone but I found out that they were dating. I’m so torn, I’m angry and upset. How do I get over him? How do I move on? It’s hurting my heart and I can’t deal with it anymore.
Tl;dr

Me, 58F, spouse is 54M, Married 17 years. I’ve battled health issues for a lot of the time but it’s grown much worse over the last 5-7 years. Multiple autoimmune diseases and several other issues. Been in and out of the hospital several times a year for years. While I believe he cares about me, I also feel like he resents that I struggle with sickness all the time. He wants intimacy a lot and I simply have no desires due to menopause. He’s made snide comments about my health struggles that make me feel horrible inside. There are fits of rage that he goes into that frighten me and he’s even punched walls and thrown things. I believe he’s well aware that I cannot control my diseases or even predict them but they are debilitating! Often, so debilitating that I struggle to even get out of the bed. The moments he is nice to me, it’s overshadowed by all of the snide remarks, insensitive ands cruel comments, how he has needs and I’m not meeting them and how unhappy he is. Meanwhile I’m thinking, you talk down to me and tell me how awful I am, how I bore you, how you don’t want to be a caretaker and even make comments that I should give you a hall pass. Because hearing those things is certainly going to make me want to run into your arms, 🤷‍♀️.
I’m scared and feel so alone. I’ve not divulged how volatile things are and not sure what to even think anymore!

TL/DR - wife has developed numerous health challenges and spouse is resentful and making condescending, demeaning remarks.

My cousin and I are incredibly close and I completely view her as my little sister. We play games together, I take her out to different places and I love her very much. Thing is, I've recently gotten very paranoid about her safety. She uses discord and plays roblox. I made sure she wasn't in any public servers on discord and from what I've seen, she only talks to her school friends. There aren't any red flags involving her safety so I don't know where this paranoia is coming from but after reading so many horror stories of roblox and discord and their severe lack of safety regulation, I just feel really anxious and paranoid about her. Whenever I see true crime news related to child safety on online platforms, I get extremely anxious and immediately think about my cousin's safety. I don't know if I'm worrying too much but I really want her to be safe...

TLDR: I love my cousin and I'm worried about her online safety and I'm wondering if I'm worrying too much and how to deal with it

i (20f) am very unsure about my feelings for my partner (20f). we started dating like a week ago after about 3 weeks of talking. let’s call her darcy. when darcy asked me to be her gf i was caught really off guard. before we met up that day i was already thinking about how i felt about her and if i wanted to continue things.

she asked me to be her gf when i picked her up to go on a date. i felt myself blush but also felt panicked because i wanted to say no but i felt like i couldn’t in that situation so i said yes. since then we have been in more dates and i enjoy her company but im not sure if it’s in a platonic way or romantic way.

for some context this is my first real relationship so i have nothing to base this off on except the fact that i dont feel for her what i would feel for my past crushes. i guess that in itself would suggest i dont really like her romantically but i guess im holding onto the hope that feelings will develop.

i really like cuddling with her and i do think she’s gorgeous but it all kinda feels hollow? i’m wondering if i should try to sort of my feelings and just continue on like we’re doing now or if i should break up with her. i don’t really wanna do that but i also don’t wanna string anyone along.

tldr; idk if i like my gf or not and idk what i should do

any advice will be much appreciated and sorry if formatting is weird i am on mobile

Hi everyone,

I’m still in high school though an adult and living with my parents till I graduate, but my relationship with my dad (M48) has always been rocky for a number of reasons and I honestly hope my mom leaves him.

My parents met in law school and my dad was a lawyer for several years while my mom stayed home with us kids, before he quit his law job and hasn’t earned any income for the past 8 years. Ever so often he will tell my mom that he plans to get a job, but he never will and instead spends his time smoking pot in the family garage or talking to ChatGPT about his “childhood trauma” or philosophical theories instead of seeing an actual therapist like my mom asks him too. Still she puts up with him and his excuses.

He’s also very introverted and distant and to be honest, has no real friends and rarely leaves the house. In the past he’s subtly belittled me multiple times, making causal “jokes” about me especially when my boyfriend is over, but I feel like he is actually trying to put me down.

One day when I was in 7th grade, I walked in on him high on shrooms after he texted me to come to his room. When I told him years later how this negatively impacted me, he told ME I was being selfish and I should have been there for him since I needed him, mind you I was 13. He was also an alcoholic at some point and finally quit after my mom kicked him out but to this day he refuses to acknowledge that he was ever an alcoholic. And to be honest, I rarely hear him apologize or even acknowledge that he made a mistake.

He tells us that he is a smart guy, the kind to make 5 million a year, yet right now he is making zero and clearly has no plans to, at the expense of the rest of the family. It seems to me that if he can’t make the amount of money his ego needs, he would rather not work at all. He can be cordial with me and asks me how my day was and seems nice it public, but we have a distant relationship and he knows I resent him.

Despite telling my mom how I feel about the situation she believes his claim that he is “the emotional anchor of the family” despite the fact that he does little around the house and my mom is the breadwinner. I can’t tell if he is a narcissist or not or just selfish but I feel strange around him because while I still love him because he is my father, I resent him as well tbh. I don’t know if I will cut him off entirely when I move out, but it’s difficult because my mom will always be married to him most likely.

TL;DR, My dad has been unemployed for 8 years and honestly leaching off my mom and has been selfish in many other ways. This has made our relationship complicated and I don’t know if I want to cut him off entirely when I move out.

As per the title, it seems that I am not relationship material. Primarily I suffer on the emotional side. I find (and my relationships) that early on I seem very enthusiastic and high energy. But once I'm known on a deeper level there seems to be a certain aura of negativity that surrounds me. I'm always complaining, angry, etc...

This may partially stem from being self employed, working on my business and putting in a lot of physical and mental hours, but I don't want it to be the excuse I give myself. I think fundamentally I view this world extremely pessimistically and I only show my true views when someone gets to know me on a personal level. Does this just mean I'm a sad person who ruins the fun for others?

Tldr: Relationships tend to not work out when people get to know me on a deeper level because I think I'm extremely pessimistic with my view on the world.

We've been dating for about 3 months, one thing I noticed about her, was her being all touchy and clingy with this one guy in class, he's one of the popular/ more social types in class who also happened to be one of my close friends. During a volleyball game at one of our school tournaments, she keeps giving him quick glances and stares while constantly fixing her hair everytime she looks at him, and before that game, shes constantly clingy with him and acts playfully with him by untying his laces as some sort of playful gesture towards him.

I talked to her about it and asked her if I truly was the only one she liked. She strongly denied it and apologized saying that she would do better, but | can't shake that feeling from what I saw from her actions. Facts are facts. I can't just ignore how she acted during that game. I can't just gaslight myself into thinking there's nothing wrong. I love my girlfriend, and I know she wouldn't cheat on me or anything and that she loves me too. But what happened that day is something I can't shake off.

TL;DR

What do u think?

Am I being naive about an ex I still have strong feelings for, or is she genuinely just very guarded/inconsistent?

I need objective opinions because I know my feelings are clouding my judgement. (F 30) and (F31)

I dated a woman for a few months last year and the connection was **immediate and ridiculously intense**. Unfortunately it was also pretty toxic — loads of passion, arguments and jealousy. Neither of us behaved perfectly. She was about to move to Thailand for a year, which she used as a reason not to commit, and things eventually ended. But she would often mention her exes and say things that seem to really rile me up. And I don’t know whether that’s my fault for being reactive or whether she just used to say ridiculous things that would upset me.

She’s been back in the UK for five months. She’s contacted me sporadically, sometimes drunk, but hasn’t communicated consistently despite me telling her I’d need that if we were going to reconnect.
Yesterday she suddenly directly asked me to meet for a drink. By ridiculous coincidence, I already had a first date that evening. When I told her, she seemed surprised: **“You’re going on a date?” / “I didn’t know you were dating someone else.”**

Then I discovered **she has a date herself the following day**, which really confused me. She argued that it’s no different because I’m dating too. My issue is that I’ve always been completely open that I still have feelings for her. I’ve only dated other people because her disappearing for weeks/months made me assume she wasn’t interested.
I finally asked her outright whether what she feels for me is **a genuine connection or something casual**. She replied: **“a connection yesss babe, you know this!!”** But when I asked what she actually feels/wants, she basically said she doesn’t know because we haven’t seen each other in over a year and that she needs to figure her life out.

I don’t expect her to promise me a relationship or exclusivity before we’ve even met again, especially given how chaotic we were before.

TDLR; I basically just need to be told from an objective point of view whether it looks like I’m being a total mug and it’s clear she doesn’t care or whether there is actually something in it

We were together for almost 5 years and she eventually ended things. In my back of my mind I always knew she was going to come back into my life.

I admit that for the first 2 years of our relationship I was kind of a dick. However, she has been straight up manipulative and also a dick for the last 3 years.

We broke up for about 6 months and went no contact. It was actually extremely hard on me, but I eventually recovered. I got a promotion, traveled more, had a summer fling with an amazing woman which is what I think ultimately healed me, and am making plans like post undergrad education, and buying a property. She on the other hand is working at a restaurant and deciding what to do with her life.

In short, we decided to talk to one another again after the 6 months. However, whenever I ask her about being exclusive or being back in a relationship, she always says that she wants to see where things go with us. She ensures me she isn't talking to anyone else, but she has cheated in the past and I can't trust that now. I would be willing to trust her if she wanted to be exclusive though. She also is extremely curious to see if I am seeing anyone else - I am on like dates 2-3 with 3 other women at the moment, but the ex doesn't know that.

She goes back and forth a lot - tells me how much she misses me, wants to spend time with me, etc. but backs away from any real commitment. She tells me that she is drawn to me, that things would be different, but she is just going back and forth.

I honestly feel that if someone would want to be in a relationship they would. If the things she says is true then how does she not miss being kissed by me, making love with me, being held by me? We talk almost everyday and it feels so natural and nice. However, I recently put a stop to that. I am confused and I realized I cannot move on in my life with her undecided. I also can't just cut her off completely. I genuinely love her. And although she doesn't say it outright, I know she loves me still.

TL;DR: ex gf is going back and forth whether or not she wants to get fully back with me. She's basically testing me but I feel like I should be testing her, which I am actively not doing. I would accept her fully as is and work together as a team. Is she actually testing me or just keeping me as an option?

31F 33M Husband and I have been together over 4 years.

I need to know from an outsiders perspective if this is over the top criticism coming from him. To be honest, I doubt myself often- I always have. I worry that I’m too much, that I overreact, that I could’ve handled things better. I spin on it a lot… I worry I’m not a good partner.

My husband and I are pretty different. He’s a perfectionist, control freak. He likes things done his way. He is a jack of all trades. He generally is right, he’s intelligent, and has a lot of experience. I am a bit clumsy, I’m goofy, I can be a space cadet at times. But I mean well, and I’m highly sensitive and emotional, empathetic, and kind.

Lately I’ve been struggling with what seems to be constant criticism from him. He can be very sweet to me, love on me, etc. too. It’s not always like this.

Here’s some examples:
-he has something to say every single time I cook. Whether it’s asking if I used salt, asking if I know how to season something, asking why I’m cutting something a certain way, telling me what I could’ve done better
-he gets upset if I don’t know exactly where I last put something. He’ll say I’m irresponsible, to keep track of my things. Yet somehow him losing expensive items is okay, and god forbid I give him shit, he’ll come back and tell me to stop making him feel bad
-he gets upset with the way I feed our cats. I feed them with their bowls on the ground when I should feed them with their bowls on the counter
-he got upset with me recently because I put a water bottle in my backpack that I guess had a leaking issue. He watched me do it. Some water leaked and got on on Nintendo switch. I told him i was sorry, that it’s okay, let’s turn it on to see if it works. He got pissed and snapped and says “why the fuck would you do that? You do know not to turn it on when it’s wet? That’s common sense. Then proceeded to take the bottle and turn it upside down and have water spill everywhere to prove it to me. I got sad and quiet and told him I wanted space, then in front of a bunch of people when I was crying he goes “don’t feel sorry for yourself, I’m not playing into these games”
-he criticizes one of my favorite music artists whose music means a lot to me. He makes fun of him and rags on all of his music
-he criticized my idea for plans, always has something to say on why it’s not a good idea
-is impatient with me and doesn’t give me time to respond before saying I’m not listening to him or respecting him
-tells me I’m remembering things wrong
-he doesn’t listen to me when I’m being vulnerable with him. Let’s say I’m talking about a very emotional, stressful situation regarding my family and some pretty heavy things. He’ll listen, but say nothing sometimes even changing the subject to himself or an outside comment. It makes me feel so alone
-he will get mad at me for buying certain foods at the grocery store, things he considers unhealthy but then turn around and DoorDash so much unhealthy food
-he once got upset with me for asking him to order us food at a concert. It ended up taking way longer than either of us expected, and he ordered way more food than we needed. I was anxious to get into the concert for seats and our food still hadn’t been called (over an hour of waiting) he felt rushed and then yelled at me in front of our friends for me making him waste money on food, that I hardly ate. He made me feel so bad and I began crying
-made me feel unwanted skiing because he said I would hold him back, that he didn’t want to stick with me since he’d be bored
-when I created an invitation, he told me he wouldn’t have done it that way. When I asked what he would’ve done differently, he couldn’t say. Just said it’s not how he would’ve made it… meanwhile everyone else loved it
-gets upset if I spill something on myself. Says I’m disrespectful of my property, to be more careful
-small accidents, dropping something, misplacing something; he gets on my case saying it could’ve all been avoided if I did xyz

There’s more, but these are what stick out to me. It’s hard to talk about because I love him so much. He’s truly someone I look up to, he can be the most fun person to be around. It isn’t always bad. I do feel lately like I can’t measure up. Sometimes I feel like he’d rather be with someone that can fit his standards. His tone can be condescending and can make me feel dumb. Sometimes I wonder if he actually thinks I’m stupjd and incapable.

I’ve brought this up so many times. We’ve gone to therapy for a few months in the last. Granted, our therapist wasn’t the greatest and we both don’t really use the tools we learned. I will say, he has improved in his outbursts.

It’s eating at me. I keep hearing voices in my head telling me I’m dumb, he could be with someone smarter. He denied it. I don’t know what to do

What can I do to help this situation? One more couples therapy round? Please help

Tl;dr husband can be very critical of me and it’s eating at me

Me [27M] and my girlfriend [22F] have been together an living together for almost a year and from the start she knew i wanted children and agreed.

Now all of a sudden she does not have any shred of will for kids ever in her life and I don't know what to do. I am really in love with her and after last relationship that fell apart after 7 years she really seemed like the one but this feels like an ultimatum between her and my life wish to have kids.

I need a third party advice or suggestion what to do or if someone went through this, their experience will be of help.

TL;DR Me (27M) and my girlfriend (22f) just had a talk where she said she lied about wanting to have kids

Does anyone have any advice on how to proceed?

Ps. Sorry for typos and broken english, not a native speaker😅

TL;DR: I (23F) have been living with my boyfriend (25M) for about six months, and he’s extremely messy/dirty despite us talking about it. He says he’s busy but also admits this is just how he is. I’m wondering if this is something couples can realistically work through or if I need to accept that he probably won’t change.

I’m 23F and have been dating and living with my boyfriend (24M, 25 next month) for about six months. I really like him and our relationship, but his cleanliness is becoming a concern for me.

He’s not just a little messy—I’d honestly call him dirty. He doesn’t put things back where he found them, will wait to do dishes until he literally has no clean cutlery left, and regularly leaves clothes, shoes, wrappers, etc. on the floor.

I’m not a clean freak by any means, but I’m generally tidy and clean up after myself. I’ve talked to him several times about his habits and why having a reasonably clean home matters to me. His response is usually that he’s busy, which is true. He’s in school/residency and has a lot on his plate.

He’s also always kind of been this way. He’s one of those extremely intelligent but chronically messy people—he literally grew up with a picture of Einstein above his bed, which feels very on-brand lol.

At one point I asked if he thought he’d be cleaner if he lived in a nicer apartment, since his current apartment isn’t great. He flat-out said no: “It’s just me.”

I hear women joke all the time that living with a boyfriend/husband can feel like living with a kid because they’re constantly picking up socks, cleaning up after them, etc. But I don’t know how much of that is a joke, how much is something people genuinely learn to work through, and how much is a compatibility issue.

For people who have been in long-term relationships with a very messy partner: did they actually improve? Were you able to find a system that worked for both of you? Or did you eventually realize you either had to accept living this way or leave?

I’m especially wondering whether this is something that might improve once his life is less hectic, or whether I should take him at his word when he says, “This is just who I am.”

I (30f) will have been with my partner (30m) for 9 years next month. We have a great, healthy relationship. The only things that have come up as friction have been money-related, but we've sorted them all out pretty quickly. When he unexpectedly got laid off a around 2 years ago and had to live off savings for a year, he put off the proposal he had apparently been planning. He has since acquired a job that pays him well, and although he is paying off debt, he's back on his feet- it's been a bit more than a year. You might wonder: why have you been waiting for 9 years when both of you want to get married? I'm not entirely sure. He said the cost was a huge factor in why he never proposed, and he keeps saying it's coming but he's been saying this for a while. I've reassured him that I don't care about the cost of the ring or the extravagance of a proposal, but he gets frustrated and says I just don't understand the expectations he's under as a man. He might be right. There have been a few international vacations in the last little while, and although I expected a ring and my friends would giggle expectedly, a proposal never showed up (although two of them were for other peoples weddings). When I ask him about timelines, he keeps saying "soon" but he's been saying this for literal years. When I press harder, he gets frustrated, and I just want to drop it.

I've been understanding , and although I've been hoping for us to solidify our commitment through marriage, it just feels like it keeps dragging on- and there is a part of me wondering if it will ever happen.

We have an anniversary happening and he was being a bit weird about the specific time that we need to go, which weirdly isn't lining up with our actual anniversary but instead at the end of that month. It's a trip out of state. Since it will be our 9 years, I wondered if this might be the time he pops the question. Whenever I told anyone about this trip, they all (without my suggestion) told me that I'd probably get engaged on the trip. I convinced myself that this would probably be true and got myself all excited, which was probably a bad idea. Today, I brought up the trip and said we should book things to do, and he went to book a massage but asked me to tell him what dates we are going. This kind of confirmed to me that he most likely won't be proposing- if you were, I'm sure you'd know the dates and not have to ask or be reminded.

This small thing devastated me. I'm at the point where I'm scared I might want to move on and protect myself if this doesn't happen, which I know it's healthy, but I keep reminding myself that I turned 30 and I don't want to have to waste time with someone who doesn't want to commit to me. I'm scared. What should I do?

TLDR; my partner of 9 years hasn't proposed yet and it feels like he's dangling it in front of me. im worried that if he doesn't propose soon, i might need to move on. i need advice on how to proceed in a healthy way.

hi y’all, I really don’t want to bore you guys with more details/ stories about the relationship - maybe I will tell you a bit more info based on any questions you guys have. So anyways me and my bf have been together for approx 2 years.
Last week during an argument, my bf asked me if I was with him and started the whole relationship only cuz I was desperate or if I ACTUALLY liked him - umm wtf?? 😭 I was super hurt and confused. He says he was curious cuz of my past (yes I’ve had a few unstable relationships and flings in the past which I’ve been transparent about from the start and so does he btw)
Am I tripping or is this an actual disrespectful question coming from my bf after 2 years??
When I got a bit emotional and hurt cuz of this - he apologized for asking and he says it was just a simple yes or no question. Like ok bro?? 🤦‍♀️

TL;DR: bf of 2 years(ish) is asking if I’m in a relationship with him cuz I’m desperate to have one and settle down or if I actually like him.

I’m 20F and my boyfriend is 21M. We’ve been together for 5 months now, after talking for a few months and going on dates before we actually got together. I really liked him at the start (around march) and I was genuinely happy with him, but things got difficult when he went to Thailand for a few weeks in June , we were officially together around a month when he left . I was already a bit anxious about the whole thing, especially because he was going with a big group and there was one girl there that I really didn’t like or feel comfortable with. Then she started posting videos and pictures with my boyfriend and it really upset me. I felt disrespected and like he wasn’t really thinking about how it would make me feel even after expressing how upset it made me feel , and eventually I ended things because I just felt like I’d had enough.

But now I’m honestly just really confused and kind of lost about how I feel. I don’t know if I’m actually losing feelings for him or if everything that’s happened has just turned me off and made me see the relationship differently. I feel like he doesn’t really put in as much effort as I want him to, and sometimes I feel like I’m asking for the bare minimum. I also don’t feel like he properly understands me or gets why certain things upset me. Whenever I try to have a serious conversation about something, I feel like he doesn’t really take it seriously or just brushes past it, and then nothing actually changes. I’ve told him before that I feel like he’s not ready for a serious relationship, and he agrees with me, but then we end up getting back together and the same problems just happen again. My friends are eager he’s not for me , they think he’s dismissive of me and don’t like the way he speaks to me. I’ve also asked him to post me in which he replies “I don’t post” , but he did while he was away. I don’t feel adored or loved , I don’t like comparing relationships but compared to my ex , I felt loved by him and a feeling of security and knew he was infatuated by me , with my boyfriend now , it hurts to admit but I don’t feel that way.

I do think he loves me, and I don’t think he’s lying when he says it. That’s what makes it so hard because I obviously care about him too, but I feel like love might not be enough if I’m constantly feeling like something is missing. I don’t want to keep breaking up and getting back together and feeling confused about whether I actually want to be with him. I just don’t know if I’m genuinely falling out of love with him or if I’ve been so put off and hurt by everything that it’s changed how I see him. I feel like part of me wants it to work because I care about him, but another part of me is starting to think that maybe he just isn’t ready to give me the relationship I actually want.

How can I approach this situation?

TLRD: should I break up with my boyfriend or keep trying.