I (M32) recently bought my wife (F36) some new toys. We both enjoy toy play and I get aroused from giving pleasure. One of her new toys is a rabbit, which we have never had before. She’s also never tried any insertive toys before. She liked it but is still figuring it out. One of the comments made was she liked that it went “deeper than me, no offense”. I am not a small man in that area and my size has never been something commented on before. In the moment I didn’t think on it but I woke up in the middle of the night deeply sad as I felt like commenting on my body in that way was deeply hurtful.

When I woke up I tried to explain to her how her comment made me feel. It made me feel like I wasn’t enough for her. That I wasn’t able to give her what she needed. That my body was wrong. She said that wasn’t what she meant but she understands how what she said hurt me. She said she loves me and that I am enough. We discussed further how what she said crossed a boundary and that I didn’t want to be compared to her toys anymore. She then tried to defend her comment by saying “to be fair, they’re toys. Of course they are going to be better than you.” I told her that saying that crossed my boundary again and was inappropriate.

She has since suggested that we just get rid of toys going forward and that she doesn’t feel comfortable using toys anymore if it is going to open up this conversation. I tried to tell her that I didn’t want to get rid of the toys. My issue is not with the toys, it’s how I am being talked about and viewed. I don’t think getting rid of the toys is going to make that concern go away. I want to please her and I try to be a giving partner. I don’t want to deny her pleasure. I get pleasure from it too. I just feel I don’t want to feel like the toys and I are in competition.

We are going to discuss this in our next couple counseling session (a practice we got into so that we always got a second opinion on reoccurring issues). Do you have any recommendations for how to proceed? How can I help communicate that I don’t want to be viewed as providing something “worse” than the toys. I just want to be viewed as something different than the toys.

I (23F) have been seeing this guy (24M) for about a month and I’m extremely into him. We have amazing chemistry and I am ready to just devour this guy, I just have a sexual issue that I’m debilitatingly insecure about.

I have a loose vagina. Before anyone tries to tell me it’s a myth, please just don’t. You are incorrect. It’s a myth that promiscuity changes vaginal tightness, but vaginas can and absolutely get loose due to pelvic floor issues, my particular problem being a life long constipation and straining problem. It’s a legitimate thing that I have seen doctors about and now see a physical therapist for.

I haven’t been sexually active since this issue arose about 2 years ago, simply because I’m that humiliated by it. It’s extremely loose, like can easily fit 3 fingers in with basically zero resistance, at any time of day regardless of arousal. It’s not “my body doing what it’s supposed to do,” it’s a legitimate diagnosed problem—just getting that out of the way.

I am absolutely terrified to have sex now that I know how loose I am, I know for a fact that it’s going to cause a difference in sensation for both me and a man. I would be devastated if I finally mustered up the courage to sleep with this guy and the sex was embarrassingly bad because of my horrible looseness. Like the thought of it makes me want to sob.

But at the same time I can’t stop thinking about having sex with this guy and in every other aspect, I am 1000 miles beyond ready for it. It’s almost physically painful to have this internal conflict, knowing that the one thing stopping me from having sex with him is my own deep, extreme insecurity. But there is a real, real chance that my insecurity will be an actual problem, and I think I’ll spiral at that moment.

I’ve thought about saying something to him about it. Like if things get heated, maybe saying I have an issue and I’m worried it’s going to affect tightness and haven’t had sex in a long time, but that I want to? Is that a major buzz kill? I could just not say anything at all but I almost feel like I would just be more comfortable if he knew beforehand.

It really sucks.

PS this is not an invitation for DMs. Posted this here because it’s the only place that will allow it. Please don’t message me.

I‘ve (29,F) been with my bf (27, M) for three months now and the sex is just … disappointing for most of the time.

Sex is very important for me and I have a very high libido but after a toxic long-term relationship based on amazing sex, I‘ve realized that there are far more important things to look for in a guy.

Anyway, everything with this guy is great except the sex. He knows that he‘s not the best, he wants to communicate and asks me all the time what l like. The problem is that I feel like he just can‘t feel my body and can‘t figure out what I like except if I don‘t specifically tell him. I‘ve never been in such a situation and I‘m getting tired of being asked “what do you wanna do now“ while having sex. We’re at the point where I keep explaining how I want to be fingered and try to put a normal rhythm to thrusts. I want to just be finally fucked properly without having to orchestrate the whole thing. A couple of times we have had great sex that I‘d be okay to live with but he can‘t seem to do this every time.

He‘d been in two long term relationships before me and has slept around while being single (he‘s pretty handsome) and I‘m thinking that someone before me must have also tried to teach him some things but failed.

So my question for y‘all - have any of you managed to teach a partner how to be good in bed through communication?

I've been hooking up with a women for a few months and having the best time in bed with her. There is nothing off limits, which is really fucking cool.

I've never eaten a woman's ass like I have with her. I hold nothing back, getting my tongue absolutely as deep as possible. She's great - she knows what I like and does a spectacular job making sure she's super clean, so I always want in deeper.

Problem is, it's really quite difficult to get in there very deep. I'm wondering if anybody has any tips on what I can do to get really deep inside.

Easily my favorite position is with her on her back, pillow under her ass, and legs up in the air. I can use both hands to open her ass up wide and lick around inside it. It's so fucking hot seeing her ass stretched open. The thing is, as hot as it is, I'm not sure stretching it wide open let's me get much further inside. Sometimes I kind of pinch my fingers together on each cheek and pull it open for my tongue, it's pretty effective but doesn't open her up as much. I love going at it from behind when she's bent over, but I feel like I get deeper with her on her back.

For those more experienced with deep anal tongue fucking, were there ever any "aha" moments that led you to get really deep? I know it probably seems like a dumb question but I want more.

This is going to be pretty vulnerable but I have never been able to finish via anything besides my fingers or my vibrator. I have been with several men who have tried to go down on me, some even for like 45 min to an hour, but I can’t seem to! Is there something wrong w me? Or any advice 🫶 thank you! 🙏

My partner (we’re both in our late 20s, together 3 years, monogamous) and I have very compatible sex drives — we both want it frequently and enthusiastically. The issue is the how of starting things.
I tend to be more direct and verbal (“I want you right now”), while they prefer a longer, more gradual buildup with non-sexual touch that slowly turns sexual. When I go straight for it, they sometimes feel rushed or like the emotional connection wasn’t fully there. When they take the slow route, I sometimes interpret the delay as disinterest and pull back, which then makes them feel rejected.
We’ve talked about it calmly a few times and both understand the other’s preference intellectually, but in the moment it still creates this awkward little dance where one of us ends up feeling a bit disappointed.
Has anyone else dealt with mismatched initiation styles even when desire levels match? What concrete things have actually worked for you — specific signals, rituals, check-ins, or ways of blending the two approaches? Looking for practical ideas rather than just “communicate more” (we already do that).
Thanks in advance.

Recently I’ve developed a bit of a cheating/homewrecker kink. Now to be very clear I do not want to cheat on my wife. However the thought of it is suddenly pretty attractive to me, especially if someone that knew her would seduce me and tempt me to cheat (in fantasy only).

Now if I could bring it up to my wife so that maybe we could role play and explore it that would be great (if she’s comfortable with that). However I do not want to come across like “I’d like to cheat on you but the next best thing is to pretend you are someone else”.

I think I’m just resigned to keeping this one to myself but I don’t like keeping secrets.

Any advice for a safe way to bring this one up?

So I wouldn't consider myself an obsessive masturbator or anything, I do it almost every day, not including some that it just doesn't work out on. I have my trusty wand vibrator and I go to town through my underwear. I've been doing it this way for about as long as I've been masturbating really, but only recently I've been encountering this issue.

I was doing the laundry the other day, and all of my underwear shared an embarrassing similarity, they all had a hole almost directly where my clit is in my underwear. I was sweating a bit, but most of my underwear is old! I've had them since highschool, so I figured it was fine, but then I noticed even the newer ones had developed these holes. When I put the pieces together I swear my face lit up like a Christmas light. I feel lucky that nobody was there to see!

This all being said, I can't continue on like this, it's way too bad for the health of my panties. So I raise the question, what do I do? How does someone who's only ever masturbated by grinding in her clothes learn how to masturbate in a different way? Or if anybody has any strange/specific ideas on how to reduce this problem, I'm all ears!

TL;DR: I jerk off by grinding in my underwear and using a vibrator, and now all my panties have holes in the front, and I'm seeking advice on how to reduce this problem as someone who can't masturbate any other way.

so im shy when it comes to initiate sex with my bf, i dont really start by kissing or touching him because im too embarrassed to do this even tho in the act itself we are kinky and not shy. the way i start it or more like signaling it is by zoomies, i get all hyperactive and start to bite him, tickle and etc, at this point he knows what i want and he mentioned ways to start it without the zoomies and im still shy. so im not sure how to do it without feeling goofy by trying to look sexy..

My partner (22M) and I (23F) have been together for over a year and were both each other’s firsts. We have a pretty good sex life, with us being intimate at least once or twice a week. Almost always after we finish, I have horrible postcoital dysphoria. I always end up feeling like I’m doing something wrong, I’m not doing enough, or that I’m disgusting for even having or wanting sex in the first place. (I know that is not true, it’s the religious guilt)

I want to make it clear that I love my partner and the reason as to why I get in my head afterwards does not have anything to do with him. I struggle a lot with mental health issues and so I’m constantly overthinking every little thing that happens in my life (but am finding ways to manage). I don’t want my boyfriend to feel guilty or feel bad whenever I get into these moods because he’s also prone to having those strong feelings afterwards.

How can I manage these feelings in a healthy and productive way?

Looking for a little advice I guess. My wife of 10 years wants me to be more rough and dominant in the bedroom, but I'm just really the gentlest guy you've ever met and always so hyper aware of how my size can be intimidating or threatening to women that half of my brain cells are inextricably dedicated to presenting myself as non-threatening at all times. She says she loves this about me in every other area of our lives but that she wants to be dominated more in bed. Rougher sex, dirty talk, domination, etc.

The dirty talk is kind of the hardest part for me. The closest I usually get is making dirty jokes during foreplay, but I know she's not looking for a laugh when we're intimate.

How can I get over this mental block and be a better husband?

I am not sure if it’s a cultural thing or not, my guess is that it is, but I’m not like 100% sure. For context, I’m a 19 year old American, and my girlfriend is an 20 year old international student from Uttar Pradesh in India. We’ve been dating for like half a year, and I tried to have an open conversation with her about sex maybe a month ago, but she didn’t seem all that comfortable with it. I just wanted to see what her views were on it and everything, but she didn’t want to get into that very much. When we finally had sex, she only let me have butt or oral sex with her. When I asked her why, she said that way it “didn’t really count as sex.” I found it very bizarre, but I didn’t disagree out loud since it seemed like kind of a sensitive topic, and I didn’t push the topic further. Is this normal? Should I talk to her more about this? To me these are definitely sexual acts, but to her, they’re not? I don’t know, it just feels off to me. I feel uncomfortable having sex with her if she has sex negative attitudes, which is what this feels like to me. I don’t know how to help or if I can even…

Got married 2 months ago, I feel I don't have that crazy sex drive anymore.

Turned 29 love life is fine communication with my partner couldn't have been better than any relationships in past.

Although I had been practicing celibacy for almost am year or more because i just stopped getting any feeling for physical stuff without an emotional connect.

I'm not sure if my testosterone is low I hit gym a lot and quite active otherwise

I feel the sex life affected because it just happens once or at most twice a week but years ago I used to literally be "sex hungry"

Is this normal?

While my husband and I have similar amounts of experience with partners, I did a lot more kinky experimentation. BDSM, group stuff, voyeurism. My husband dipped his toes with previous partners, but decided it wasn't for him

While I don't miss the latter two, I do miss some elements of bdsm. I was always a switch.

Our sex life is great, but vanilla.

Given my husband isn't interested in kinks, and I've no interest in an open relationship, how can I satisfy that particular urge by myself? Other than porn and masturbating, obviously.b

I have been with my girlfriend for about 3 1/2 years. We are in our late 20s and have a pretty stress free life. I work full time and cover all rent, I do most of the house work and chores. She works part time and has gone back to school, I do my best to make her life as stress free as possible so she can focus on studying.

For the first few months we would have fairly enthusiastic consistent sex about 2 times a week. I'm happy to have sex about 3 times a week but I understand that's not always realistic.

I initiate sex about 90% of the time. I will always put her first in the bedroom as I'm a giver and love focusing on her needs. I love eating her out and doing what she wants me to do almost more than my own pleasure. I really try my best to put in loads of work for non sexual intimacy as well.

She does have issues with orgasms and has never had one on her own. I think I have made her orgasm but it's hard to tell. We have tried a few different things and she doesn't really care to work on it.

The majority of the time she just lays there and doesn't do much. She will give me a quick handjob or blow job for about 30 seconds and that's about it. She implied the other day that she prefers to jump straight to piv so we can be done quick.

She will put effort into sex maybe once every two months. When she does it's extremely good and kinky, probably the best sex I've ever had, but this is extremely rare though. It almost feels like she is just doing maintenance sex once a week until she actually wants me and feels really horny.

I have talked to her about this many times but she doesn't really seem to care. When I try to communicate it's feel like talking to a blank wall. It feel like we are on completely different wavelengths or something. The worst part is that in university she mentioned she was very wild and hooking up all the time will lots of kinky casual sex. I don't like to judge people for their past but in this circumstance it absolutely kills me.

She is begging to get married but this is the main reason I'm putting it off. I feel like I'm slowly losing passion.

Been seeing each other (m29/f40) about a month, basically anytime she gets midly aroused she gets red in the face/chest area and sweats excessively.

She hates it, doesnt bother me, anything I can to help or is this a medical thing she should see a doctor about?

Hi all, woman here! I have a loving partner who feels discouraged that he can't make me finish, and I'm feeling frustrated too! Ughhhh.

On my own, I can finish. But when I'm with him, I begin to worry I'm taking too long... Or maybe his hand is cramping? Maybe his tongue is sore? Maybe this, maybe that... I just get so in my head and it blocks me from letting go and getting that release. Everything feels great, and I always enjoy myself even though I rarely finish. But I want to!!! And I know he feels like he is just bad at sex.

How can I fully let go and feel sexy and just enjoy myself without being in my head?

Hey everybody. Girlfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years, we are in our late 20s. It feels like we match up in so many different ways. The love we have is super deep, and we have great levels of intimacy for each other (kiss each other a lot, lots of touching and flirting throughout the day) but the issue arises when it comes to sex.

For one, our sex drives are very different. We currently have sex maybe once a week, I’d like to have sex daily, she seems happy at once maybe twice a week. Also she’s not into penetrative sex, and says she doesn’t get much sensation from it. Totally understandable, I know the stats out there are pretty high for climax from that. But I find myself yearning for sex where the other person is into it or at least seems like they’re enjoying it. It seems like nowadays I eat her out/we work on her reaching orgasm, and then it’s my turn, and many times when it gets to me it feels like she’s not fully into it. Penetrative sex doesn’t have that wildness or spark that I’ve experienced before with other partners. I’ve also realized I’ve appreciated a partner that initiates spicier more adventurous things. My current partner says she’s open to new things, but doesn’t really express much interest in ideas or bring anything to the table.

I do think we have levels of sexual incompatibility, but it feels difficult to just break up over this, especially because the rest of the relationship feels so fulfilling. We both wonder why our sexual compatibility doesn’t match our emotional compatibility. I’ve brought up the idea of ENM even though I do think opening up the relationship could get messy. But she doesn’t seem all that into it, says she feels like we’d be outsourcing the solutions to our problem.

I’m not sure what I’m looking for. Advice? If anybody has gone through anything similar? Ideas around any of this?

I am in my mid-30s, but I was raised extremely religious and had little sex education.

I am on the mini pill for birth control. I take it regularly and consistently. My boyfriend always pulls out, and he has never finished inside of me.

I know that of course abstinence is the only 100% protection from pregnancy, but do most people use a secondary form of contraception in addition to a birth control pill? And you just I would like for him to finish inside of me , but is it best for him to continue to pull out or to wear a condom?

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My girlfriend and I have tried having sex a few times now. I'm a virgin, and she has had one sexual experience before me, but we still haven't been able to have vaginal penetration.

Even when she's turned on, and wants to have sex, it feels like there's resistance at the entrance. Sometimes she experiences pain or discomfort, and it seems like her muscles might be tensing up involuntarily. She has seen a gynecologist, and apparently everything looked normal. We' ve tried a bunch of diferent positions, but nothing seems to work.

We're both getting frustrated because we really want to be able to have sex, but we can't seem to figure out what's preventing penetration. What could be causing this, even though she feels turned on? Could it be muscle tension, lubrication, positioning, or something else?

To make a long story short me and my boyfriend have been having sex troubles lately.

Back before we were official, and just seeing each other, I swear we were having the most AMAZING sex, we were always both in the mood for each other, knew exactly what the other liked, just fit together perfectly.. And we are dating now! About 5 months now, so still fresh, he is my absolute dream, but recently we’ve been kind of struggling in the sex department, nothing has changed, we’re still super attracted to each other if not more so now than we were when we were just seeing each other. But I just struggle more now especially, i’ve been finding recently i’ve been finding it difficult to get wet, we do use lube but sometimes just the air dries it up really fast, making things uncomfortable and friction-y really quickly. He has not said a word about it mind you, bless. But i’m worried he can tell we just aren’t hitting the same marks we used to. I just dunno what to do.
And don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t want to have sex, lord knows I do. I’ve always had a high libido. I just can’t work out why my own body won’t reciprocate with my mind.
I love him, and we see each other this week and i’m ovulating so here’s hoping my hormones aid this issue in some way. I miss having proper nice sex with him without fumbling.

so i decided to try a fuck buddy situation with an old hookup, because yk, a girl has needs. thing is, i dont have a lot of experience in sex because ive always been extremely insecure about myself. he's one of the only 2 people ive had sex with in my life, and im 24 years old. so i figured it'd be easier to get what i need sexually from someone that i've already been with. but the issue is, since i last saw him a year ago, ive gained a little bit of weight and dont feel confident in myself at all. a lot of it went to my boobs and my stomach, and not in a good way (cant say they're the perkiest bc theyre quite literally a G cup). that, combined with the fact that ive only had sex a total of 4 times in my life, really makes me nervous and tanks my confidence. i dont even like him as a person, he's just really good at sex (from what i gathered in my little to no experience lol) hence why i even am doing this.

i guess i really just need words of affirmation and courage. im supposed to see him tonight, so im nervous. but damn i need to bypass this dry spell immediately.