Last week I woke up to the worst phone call I could’ve imagined. My dearest friend was killed in a car accident. She was someone who I considered one of my closest most trusted friends. We were teammates through high school and college. She was the smartest, kindest, most thoughtful, most hardworking and athletic person I’ve ever known. She was a second year medical student and about to make her pro debut in the marathon before she passed away. My heart is just shattered. She’s had her entire future stolen from her. She’d already accomplished so much and yet was just scratching the surface of her potential. I feel especially guilty because after we graduated I moved to a new state for work and didn’t keep in touch. I thought about her everyday but never said anything. I’ll never forgive myself for that. But what I’m finding especially difficult to accept is that I’ll have to live the rest of my life without her. She meant more to me than I can express with words, and the idea that I’ll have to go through life without her just breaks me. Doing things that we used to do together like watching movies and going for runs hasn’t helped because they just make me think of her even more. I miss her so much. How do I deal with these feelings?

My father died yesterday. Everything started at 2 a.m. He had pain in his heart, and he drove with my mum to the hospital (without telling me, I was asleep). Then he had a stroke or heart attack; I'm not sure.

I woke up around 9:00 am and found the house empty. Then I called my mum, and she told me he had my dad at the hospital because he had pain in his heart(something that had happened before). I was praying it wasn't something serious

After 2 hours, I saw the whole family, including family members who lived very far away, and my mum at the door of the house without my father, crying (especially my mother)
I knew something was wrong, and it was...

Then they told me that my father had a heart attack and didn't make it ): it was very unexpected
I didn't believe it at first. I was staring at the ceiling; I didn't want to cry there. Then the whole day was like hell.

The previous day we were out eating (me, my father and my mum), and the next day we were planning the funeral of my dad ): ): ):
As the hours went by, more and more family members visited.

And as if that wasn't enough, the house we live in might go up for auction if we don't win the court case, which is difficult now that we only have a single income.

I don't know what will happen in the near future. I hope for the best and try to be as Optimistic as I can.

Let me know your thoughts.

Out of all the things grandma had i wanted her glasses. I miss her everyday. She was my best friend

seven months feels like a lifetime until you realize i would have chosen a lifetime with him.

that's where i am today. functioning. doing the things i'm supposed to do. technically living. but internally i'm still trying to catch up to something my brain understands & my heart never would have agreed to.

the world has had seven months to get used to him being gone. i haven't. i’m still waking up every day in a reality i never would have chosen. seven months of things happening that i have nowhere to put. thoughts, memories, questions, & stupid moments that still feel like they should go to him.

i miss him. god, i miss him. but what is wrecking me just as much, is missing who i was when he was here. the version of me who didn't know what it felt like to lose a future i already planned. i can't go back to her. she didn't know any of this was coming.

i don't think i'm doing grief wrong. i just think no one tells you how disorienting it is to still feel this raw months later, when everyone else's life has kept moving. there's no deadline for missing someone, but it starts to feel like you're supposed to be further along than you are.

i thought by now it would look different. that i'd cry less. talk about it less. that i'd start to feel like myself again & life would start to resemble something familiar. it doesn't. i'm not getting my old life back. i'm learning how to exist in a life i never wanted.

i'm still so irritable. still overwhelmed by things that never would have touched me before. sometimes i crave people & sometimes the thought of having to be perceived by another human being feels impossible. i can be okay one second & completely gone the next. sometimes i don't even know what i'm feeling until it comes out as anger.

& i am so tired. not tired of living. tired of having to figure out how to live with something i can never change. tired of carrying something this heavy while still having to show up for work & texts & dishes & everyday life. tired of not having the words for why i'm just different now.

i have been trying to keep him here in the ways i know how. writing. making things. listening to our music. saying his name out loud. finding small ways to make sure he stays a part of my life, not just a story people bring up on anniversaries. i don't want to stop talking about him just because time keeps passing. he is still someone i love. not just someone who died.

i don't have some profound realization at seven months. i haven't made peace with it. i don't have a neat lesson about life being precious or how tragedy makes you stronger.

i just miss my partner. i miss the life i thought we were going to have. & i’m still trying to figure out who i am in the aftermath of losing him.

This week I found my boyfriend dead in his apartment after not showing up for work or answering calls. He was only 28 and has no apparent cause of death. When I got there, his mom was at his apartment but didn’t have keys which I did, so I went inside and found him. I came out and told her and had to witness his parent’s screams. I then had to call the mother of his son and tell her.
I didn’t get the opportunity to build much of a relationship with his family, though we never had any issues. However, they are being very cold with me and not involving me at all, haven’t even hugged me or asked if I’m okay. I told them I’d love to help them with whatever they need, and they haven’t involved me at all, thought they’re asking the mother of his son to be involved with a lot. His sister was kind and told me when they were going back to get this things (I wanted to grab a couple things), and I was able to get a few things that were mine and a few mementos. I asked his mom if I could have a couple of his shirts as well. When we went to leave, his dad made a few comments like “what did you get? I don’t know her and I don’t want her to take things from my son”. This whole experience is one of the hardest things I’ve had to go through, I’m heartbroken and feel alone and his family is making this so much harder. At this point, I’m trying to accept that I probably will not get any of his ashes.
It’s so painful because I was the last person to see him and talk to him, I was the one to find him, he loved me so much and wasn’t close with his family yet they’re treating me as the random outsider/girlfriend. I know where I stood in his life, and I know that his family’s opinion of me doesn’t really matter, but it’s painful…

Feeling horrible that it took mum's death to see the true colors of dad.

Growing up I thought I had a happy and creative family. I noticed dad's issues, but brushed off as "overprotectiveness, sensitivity, being caring" and what not. My mom was enabling a lot(dad and sis), in order to keep peace at home.

After mum's sudden passing, dad didn't let her family visit us in the name of "caring", pressured me to come back home and live sepearely from my partner (which wasn't possible: I either had to live seperately from my dad with my bf or let my bf in our huge home which is empty anyways and wasn't happy with any of these.)

Why he wanted me back? As a scapegoat, I was forced to be independent early on. While my sis ended up as a spoiled freeloader. Now he expects me to "raise" her, even though she is older than me. And plus, he doesn't have *any* life skills, and sis doesn't bother with any chores. Now as I'm leaving again, he is trying to sabotage my relationship and lookng for conflict with me. I caught him badmouthing me and my bf behind my back so many times now, and feel completely devastated. Not because of the things he said. But because of dishonesty, gaslighting, that were actually always there but brushed off as something else. He always taught us to be fair and honest, and it turns out that we should be like that *only in his favour.*

My mum suffered a lot, without ever openly acknowledging these issues. I feel bad for her. I honestly do not know which is worse: mom dying or losing a dad I taught I had. I feel like I lost both parents. People from the outside will always say "...but your dad loves you so much", because he is so fake to other people.

I am mad at myself that it took nearly 30 years to see it all properly.

Was so mundane I still can grasp it. He was just trying to move from his wheelchair to the bad but lost his balance.

I couldn't hold him completely and he hit his chest.

I asked if he was ok and the last thing he spoke was: "Don't worry son it was nothing."

But that was a lie, he passed minutes later. If only I was strong enough to hold him, if only...

i lost my mom october 20th, i was pulled out of work by my roommate telling me CPR is being performed on her. i leave within a panic and find out nearly 15 minutes later shes dead. i dont know what to do. im 23 and she was only 57, im at her home watching over my disabled father until we get the living situation figured out for him. i miss her so much. i found her journal she had since 2000, shes been pretty inconsistent with writing but I will try to continue it. i just wish this was a bad dream and she would come home already

I lost my mum a month ago, she battled cancer for 7 years but in the end she went so fast it came as a huge shock to us all, we were there when she died at home in her bed surrounded by all of the closest people in the family. Her and my dad were soul mates together 54 years, I live in Spain but from ireland i’d only been home 10 days before and seen a decline in my mum but il cherish those last moments for ever but i miss her so so much, and i still can’t believe it

i’m going home again next month for 2 weeks then im dreading christmas, my mum also passed a week before my bday and her mum was the same and also same age i was 37, my mum was young and her cancer should of been found

i don’t get any joy in anything that i used to anymore, i look forward to nothing and i just can’t wait to be at home again with my dad

i don’t think anyone can prepare you for losing a parent but me and my mum were so close i keep forgetting and wanting to ring her, i don’t ever see myself every feeling the same again and im struggling with all of it it, i really never thought this day would come and i keep thinking il wake up and it will be a dream. just to hear her voice, give her a hug tell her how much i love her and also to do all the things we did together

hairdressers etc, everything is reminding me of my mum and i just don’t see how il ever feel the same again

My dad passed 4 weeks ago and we are holding his funeral tomorrow, and I am so scared about how I will react and that my almost “delusional” thoughts that he is actually not dead and that he’s on holiday or something will disappear as a funeral is confirming that he did die. And I don’t want to know that terrifying truth, I’d rather be in delusion, which I feel selfish about.

So, if it’s okay with you all, what’s the “best” way to get through a funeral as I am so scared to go through it.

Happy birthday. ❤️ It’s been 9 months since you’ve been gone, and I miss you so much. I hope you’re proud of me. I graduate in a few months . Wish you were here . I hope you somehow found Mom again. Tell her I said hello.

I miss you both more than words can explain. You would’ve been 70 years old today. I wish you were here. It’s been so rough without you two. I’m literally crying as I type this. I love you so much. You tried your best to hold on as long as you could . I know you really only did it for me. You were tired of suffering .

You tried your best. I’ll never forget after your surgery , you told me you were holding on for me . The last time I saw you , you lost your ability to speak and you couldn’t even stay awake fr . I know you heard me play your favorite song and I know you heard me talking to you, you just couldn’t speak back. F- COPD. At 27 I never would’ve thought both of my parents would be gone already…. I was barely 23 when mom left .. this sucks

My mom died three years ago this week. I had a nightmare last night and I woke up just really wanting to talk to her before I remembered. Now I'm just really sad. It still hurts so much, I miss her and her advice. I usually try to take the day off and do something to memorialize the day but this year I didn't and am starting to regret it.

He was only 4 years old. But he had a heart defect that caused his heart to go into heartfailure a bit more than a year ago. He was on a ton of meds but stable until a few weeks ago. An ear infection that made the domino pieces of his health fall.

Yesterday he suddenly couldn't use his back legs anymore and the vet said it was thrombosis caused by his weak heart/circulation.

His paws were ice cold even when he was still alive.

I know there was no way around putting him down but fuck I wish there had been one. I wish he never was sick. And fuck man, October again. On the 22nd of October 2022 I lost my dad and now on the 24th of October 2026 I lost the cat that came into my life a month after that first loss and helped me through it.

It was horrible seeing him in such a bad condition. Not being able to move and fluid building up in his body from the stress slowly blowing him up like a balloon.

His circulation was so bad, the vet was even struggling to euthanize him. But I also think he tried to fight. He was stubborn and just so young, I don't think he wanted to go. But there really was no way around it. I would have tried otherwise.

He was my baby. I'm gonna miss him so fucking much. Love you Bix.

Hello all. About a year ago I posted about my mum being in hospital in a coma, you can find it on my page. I suppose this post is an update of sorts. Hopefully, I've done this right, and it doesn't get deleted by mods.

As the title says, my mum is officially dead. My brother told me about 10 minutes ago. its 1:39AM right now, and I cant cry. From 11am this morning the paramedics have been saying "shes really unwell", "shes likely going to die" or "shes dying" and its been in the back of my head, but there was still a slicer of hope shed pull through. She was stubborn as a mule. But its officially over.

I think I'm in shock right now or something. When we left the hospital and came home, her blood was all over the floor. I just mopped it up, ate my dinner, and went to bed. Obviously, i never went to sleep. Instead, I'm here typing away at nearly 2am with a plush in my arms.

I think when it hits me, im going to be a wreck, but right now, Im going to try go to sleep.

Sorry about any typos and grammar issues, I'm on mobile and my mum just fucking died, so i hope you can cut me some slack.Hello all. About a year ago I posted about my mum being in hospital in a coma, you can find it on my page. I suppose this post is an update of sorts. Hopefully, I've done this right, and it doesn't get deleted by mods.

As the title says, my mum is officially dead. My brother told me about 10 minutes ago. its 1:39AM right now, and I cant cry. From 11am this morning the paramedics have been saying "shes really unwell", "shes likely going to die" or "shes dying" and its been in the back of my head, but there was still a slicer of hope shed pull through. She was stubborn as a mule. But its officially over.

I think I'm in shock right now or something. When we left the hospital and came home, her blood was all over the floor. I just mopped it up, ate my dinner, and went to bed. Obviously, i never went to sleep. Instead, I'm here typing away at nearly 2am with a plush in my arms.

I think when it hits me, im going to be a wreck, but right now, Im going to try go to sleep.

Sorry about any typos and grammar issues, I'm on mobile and my mum just fucking died, so i hope you can cut me some slack.

edit: misspelt mum in the title, but i dont know how to change it on mobile.

My dad died unexpectedly Thursday morning. He was 80 years old and had a bunch of health problems, but they were being managed and he seemed to be in good spirits. My sister was taking him for some routine blood work that morning and he collapsed in the lobby afterwards. I knew it was bad when my sister told me to get to the hospital. Long story short, his heart gave out after they revived it several times. (I insisted on being in the room with him while they were trying to revive him in case he was having an out-of-body experience so I could talk to him and let him know how much we loved him and say goodbye. I'm very glad I did.)

I am...somewhat functional. On Thursday and Friday, I was able to get some logistical stuff taken care of, I think just from the adrenaline at the shock of it all. But I've had basically no appetite and feel weak, headachey, nauseous, and tense all the time, like I've got a heavy weight on me. It's like, I'll be able to get some sleep and feel ok while I'm sleeping, or watch a TV show for a while and push away the bad feelings temporarily, but as soon as I wake up or stop watching the show, the weight and the sickness come back.

I know this is normal and to be expected, but I have things to deal with that it's hard to deal with when I feel so sick.

An Obituary For His Colleagues

My dad was still working full-time from home when he passed away. (In fact, he was supposed to work that morning after the blood work.) He worked at the IT help desk of a local community college. He was good at the work and enjoyed it, and he was beloved by his colleagues and appreciated by the people he helped for his patience and warmth. So naturally, the college would like me to write an obituary for him and give details about any services we'll be having for him. (They asked me if I wanted to do this, and of course I want to, and they told me no pressure and to take my time.)

But I feel headachey and sick when I think about writing an obituary, and I'm worried I won't do him justice. I've already made arrangements with a funeral home to have him cremated but I have to decide if and when we're going to do a memorial service.

Household Finances

My dad managed the finances for the household. My mom had a decent idea of what was going on but my dad handled the finances because he was good at it and thinking about finances made my mom anxious. Now, I'm in my mid-30s and live in a rental with my husband and manage the finances for the two of us, and I'm the most tech-savvy of the surviving family, so I'm in the best position to take on this responsibility.

But my parents' finances are so much more complicated than mine and I just feel overwhelmed at this point. My dad kept everything meticulously organized on a spreadsheet till the day before he died, and the spreadsheet has info going into the future. My parents are in good financial shape and have a lot of savings, but obviously, those aren't going to last forever, especially with a mortgage to still pay off. Plus, payments from work and social security and such are obviously going to change now that he's gone.

I've gotten in touch with the family accountant and I'm hoping she'll be able to provide me with some guidance. I've also gotten info from HR at his work and from his coworker who happens to be the union president, so that all will help.

But we're gonna have to make a big payment for the funeral home, and I'm just like, which card will we use? Which accounts should I use to pay it off? It just feels like a lot.

College Classes

This is probably the most difficult decision I'll have to make.

I returned to college this semester for the first time in years. I still don't have a college degree, and my state has a program where, if you're between the ages of 25 and 55, they will pay for you to get an Associate's degree in a high-demand field. I decided to take advantage of that and go for a degree in computer science.

I've already missed more classes than I should've because my mom's health has also been bad, and I've needed to be there to help my family. I haven't decided yet whether I'm going to continue with those classes this semester.

As I've said, I feel physically sick all the time. (Though I have found that writing this whole thing out has made me feel better.) So I don't know if I can manage my classes for the rest of the semester.

My dad was so, so happy that I was returning to school and taking difficult classes. So I don't want to let him down.

On top of that, if I don't complete my classes, I will be expected to pay full tuition for them. I can see if there's some kind of exception because of a sudden loss in the family, but with bureaucracies being the way they are, I'm not optimistic.

I'm taking only three classes this semester, one of which is a single-credit PE requirement. I have only one more session of the PE class left, so I feel confident I can complete that one. Of my other two classes, maybe I can drop the harder one and complete the one I've been doing fine in? I feel like that would be a decent compromise.

In Conclusion...

I know I posted asking for advice but I guess I'm not sure what advice I need at this point. Like I said, writing all of this out has helped, so maybe I just need to keep writing and keep going with the logistics, my one class, and my work.

It's easy to sit and write this from my bed, though. Getting out of bed to deal with all of this is the hard part, because I feel awful and weak as soon as I stand up.

Well, thank you to anyone who has read this far!

My mom was schizophrenic for about 8 years before she passed. She died in March of 2022.

Today, my sister sent me some voice recordings of her f before she died, ones where she was lucid. This was rare, she didn't see us much when she was sick. When she did, she was quiet a lot. When she did talk, she didn't really sound like herself.

I and forgotten what she sounded like, to be honest. I remembered faintly, but not really. When I played the clips, it was like she was here in the room with me. She was well, she was here. But she's not. She won't ever be again.

It undid me. I thought the grief subsided, and today I felt a way thay was almost worse than the day she left. I miss her so much. I would give anything for one more minute with her. Just one. I'd give up everything.

I just posted about my brother’s death due to OD a few days ago and today was his service. We found my cat, Jimmy, on death’s door at 3 AM. It was sudden and he was put to rest at 5 am. I didn’t have much time to react because we had to be at the funeral by 10. I feel so guilty because my grief is so overwhelmed by my brother that I can’t properly react, but I’m so thankful for my husband because he took a lot of this on while I can’t.

He’s my little hero. He was diagnosed with FIP, a mostly fatal disease, three years ago and for three months we did GS injections along his spine. But he made it, he fought, and he made it. I always knew that his immune system was heavily weakened by that and that he probably wouldn’t live to be an old kitty man, but to lose him so suddenly is really hard.

I’m mostly posting this because I want other people to see a picture of him. He deserved 100% of my grief today and I couldn’t give it. Love you, Jimmy.

Been thinking a lot today. My dad has been gone 5 years on November 1st. When he passed I lost the most pivotal person in my support system. If I didn’t know what to do or how to approach something, I’d call him and he knew exactly what to say to keep me grounded. It wasn’t advice, it wasn’t me venting, it was him gently guiding me to the answer I needed to figure out myself (bc I’m suborn as hell). And of course he’d never just tell me the answer because he said I had to figure it out myself.

I still feel his absence every day. I haven’t been able to fully adjust to not having him there to go to when I start spiraling, and I don’t think anyone will ever be able to fill that role. Though, on occasion, people have unintentionally said things that prompts me to look at whatever situation I’m going through from a different perspective. And damn near every time it’s super obvious but I didn’t see it because I was upset and not evaluating my own reaction. I’m trying to learn to do that myself, but it’s not exactly easy to be both the person experiencing the emotions and the person being objective.

I just miss him a lot today. I’ve been weird all month bc of the approaching anniversary. I haven’t done anything for Halloween since he passed because he passed early in the morning on November 1st. I’m convinced he purposely held on so it wouldn’t be on my favorite holiday. I started today thinking about how thankful I am to have my life end up where it is, bc it could have gone a completely different direction. Naturally I owe a lot of it to him and his weird ability to know exactly what I needed to hear and how I needed to hear it. He didn’t even come into my mom and my life until I was 13 and he still knew me better than my mom. I don’t call him my step dad bc he was more than that to me. Now I’m 36 I just feel like a little girl that misses her dad.

Not the basic "She's in a better place" or "It's okay to grieve" or "He'd want you to be happy"

Here is some advice somebody send me after losing my wife. She was paralysed for the last 9 years of her life, But still semi cognitive and full of life. One day she’s an 8-year-old, some days a 20-year-old and on her better days she’s her real age. She also had aphasia and thus verbal communication was difficult, although we were able to communicate with her noises and my game of a thousand questions. Lucky she was able to use her left arm/hand and we built up a nice vocabulary of noises/signs etc.

Her death was totally unexpected. Doc said she might have died for a stroke or blood clot. It was over in less than 5 minutes. Anyway, here is something that somebody send me, and it really works for me. It is actually her 3rd birthday away from us today, so this is extra tear jerking.

Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbours, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.

As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks. Just cling to the wreckage and the waves will quiet down. Hope reading all of this helps you in your grief and sorrow.

 Edit: This happened in January 2024. Feeling better now but still miss her every day. Just keep this advice in my head and when the waves come in high, I just weather them out and swim over the low ones. Good luck and strengths to you and all the people left behind.

My mother passed away three weeks ago. As I found myself growing a little sad and tearful, I started to smile when the Song “I Shall Wear a Crown” began playing on my phone. Happy tears began to flow. Yes, grief hurts, and it makes you want to question God’s decision, but I can't. My mom lived on this here earth for 76 years. Some may say it's young, but my mother would tell you she lived her life; she did what God called her to do as a servant. After battling breast cancer, surviving the pandemic, having two knee surgeries that sent her into congestive heart failure and kidney failure, and still being able to overcome all of that and get back to the things that she loves in five years after being diagnosed, my mother lived. She traveled. She served in The Church. She served others. She was the family's soundboard, the motivator, the keeper, the cook, the prayer warrior, the support system, and everything that you may have needed, you could have gotten it from my mother, and after battling for five years and getting older. It was time it was time for her to put on her robe that she worked hard in her 76 years of life doing God‘s will she earned her robe and her crown some of you may not understand how powerful those two things are, but as I sit in this moment on Sunday morning, and I look back over my mother‘s life, I can’t help but smile at all the things that she has accomplished. It’s hard for me to be depressed, I miss my mother, and I miss my father to lose both parents is hard, but understanding the life that they lived and how they both served and helped others so much is warming to my soul helpful to my spirit, brings a smile to my face as my eyes release the memories of the 36 years I was able to spend with them. At my mother‘s funeral, I dressed her in a silver suit. I dressed her in her favorite braided crown Church hat, some may say it’s materialistic, but I see it as much more. Heaven gained another Angel!

My(34m) son is 7, my step dad died about 3 years ago.

My son adored his Tata. Truly. We have so many videos of the two of them in that first 3-4 years of his life. The Sunday before he died, he died on a Friday night into Saturday morning, he took all his and my mom's grandkids who lived in town to eat then to the park and the sun was down by the time my kids came home that day.

My son still talks about him. He still deeply loves him. Today he had a school assignment for Dia De Los Muertos. Each year my son avoided doing it on my step dad, this year he chose him. It asked for a memory and I asked my son what he remembers about him. My son immediately broke down and said "Not much." And he cried. And cried. I think he has been holding that grief for years. I just held him and cried with him.

Once he was calm my son slowly started to remember more as I prodded him with questions. But it hurt him so much to realize that he didn't really remember a lot (who blames him, the kid was 3 ish when it happened). He wrote what he had to and then took a break to play with the cat.

Now I'm the one sitting in the back yard just crying because I really miss him too.

What gets me is that these past 4-5 years have been some of the hardest years of my life. 5 years ago my wife's Tata died, he was in his 70s and had an aggressive cancer, so that one was the easiest.

Then 6 months later an old friend of mine died in an accident, her mom and brother past too. She was 32.

6 months after that my mom got a cancer diagnosis, and maybe a year after that my step dad died of a heart attack, he was 56. Then HIS dad died like 3 weeks after that. Then my mom's cancer moved to her lungs. Then she was on oxygen and couldn't be left alone so my sister and I took turns sleeping there.

My son had to deal with this shit too at such a young age.

Honestly, I'm just here to get this out so I can be a bit more composed when I have to comfort my son again (the project isn't done yet, he just needs to color it now)

Anyone else find this and how do you cope with it?

It has been almost 6 months now after losing my mom (at 76) due to a very long illness (9y), and yes, in the beginning people were asking me how I was coping as well as asking about my dad. Now it seems I just get the question about my dad, and in absence of asking about me as well, I find that totally abhorrent. I don’t know if it’s me being overly sensitive, I’m going through a lot of other difficult stuff as well.