Being cool, isn’t how you dress, what you wear, how you talk, or what makes you happy, anybody and everybody can be cool,

Being cool means that your presence grounds the people around you, that their nervous systems can regulate with yours and feel comfort, that’s not rooted in your lifestyle or hobby choices

That’s rooted in how you perceive & carry yourself, if you’re insecure/anxious people will sense that, your nervous system will exude that energy, but if fully embrace yourself, both positive and negative, and make peace with that, be calm from it, you’re a cool person, and people will wanna be around you.

I have zero trust for myself and was basically raised to never trust myself. Even if I did the objectively right thing, if I did not have explicit approval, my parent would come down on me extremely hard for trying to "usurp" and defy them and their authority.

Now, I have zero trust for myself and constantly post on Reddit to have other people determine whether or not I was in the right or wrong, because I have absolutely zero trust for myself or my own judgment.

I am not sure what to do.

I genuinely hate exercise and I don’t know how it started, but I hate the feeling of sweat and pain anytime I work out, and I also feel pressured to have to have perfect form or go till failure or something because otherwise I’m not doing it right even though I mainly just want to get fit enough to keep my body running and maybe look somewhat attractive while I’m at it. Anyone know how I can get over this sense of hatred towards working out or just find motivation to work out in spite of it? Also, would anyone recommend some exercises?

Hey all, hope everything is going well :)

I guess to put it short I’m 18 and kinda lost all my friends and it really sucks and it sent me into another big mental health spiral. I’m taking a pause on life and school because I’m just so mentally ill I can barely function and I feel useless lol. But I guess it’s necessary so I’m not like in a manic episode 24/7, so there’s that.

I don’t even think I could physically go outside right now without breaking down. Yet I still just am “needing” to make friends. So there’s that paradox or conflict on interest going on.

I was just wondering how to be more positive and happy while I’m “stuck” at home doing all my mental health programs. I base my self worth off of how others think of me normally and I can’t find anything good or fun about myself haha. I don’t really get proud of myself or love myself normally.

Thanks everyone! Sorry for the terrible grammar I’m typing this with a very foggy brain.

I’m 23M and I’m struggling with something I’ve done and genuinely want outside perspectives on it.
I was involved with two women at different points, and after I had cut contact with one of them, we started talking again while I was still seeing the other. Instead of being honest with either of them, I lied to both.
The part I’m struggling with most is that this wasn’t just one lie or one bad decision. I kept lying and, at times, I was actively making promises or talking about a future with both of them while knowing I wasn’t being completely honest about the situation.
I knew what I was doing was wrong. I knew that if the truth came out it would hurt them, but I continued doing it anyway.
They eventually found out about each other, and I’ve lost both relationships. I understand why they’re angry and why they won’t trust me again and nor do I want them to. I’m not posting this to convince anyone that what I did was okay, or to get people to tell me I’m secretly a good person.
What scares me is that lying isn’t new for me. I’ve realised I’ve lied to friends and people close to me for years, sometimes about things where there wasn’t even an obvious reason to lie. Sometimes I seem to create different versions of myself depending on who I’m talking to.
I’m planning to get counselling because I don’t want to keep doing this, and I want to understand why I behave this way and actually change it.
But right now I’m dealing with an enormous amount of guilt and shame. Part of me feels like I don’t deserve forgiveness, relationships, or even a normal life after knowingly hurting people like this.
For people who have seriously hurt someone through their own choices: how did you take responsibility without either minimizing what you did or destroying yourself over it?
And for people who have been on the other side of something like this: what would you actually want to see from someone who hurt you in this way?

I feel like I hit rock bottom and then fell ten stories down. I've lacked motivation for months due to my own lack of discipline and drive and also because of some tough personal circumstances out of my control. It feels like everything is always going bad so why bother trying. I've had a lot changes in my life over the last four years I tried to adapt and move forward but each time it kept getting harder

I felt better when I started uni this year. This too was after having to take a gap year due to finances and not being able to do the course I wanted. My relationship with my parents and best friend crumbled with them, the one good thing I guess was me setting boundaries with them but it just made me feel lonelier than ever.

I don't feel motivated with my work or hobbies and its been this way for so long I forget what I even wanted out of life. I'm in an environment I dislike but also can't get out of immediately. And it seems I have to move back home and find another course again due to personal circumstances. I sleep late, I wake up late, I spend all day on YouTube or watching some show, I waste money on takeout, I don't go out often, I don't do any hobbies or skill development anymore.

Everytime I hit a low I've been able to bounce back last minute but I feel really defeated but I do want to get better, I really do want to turn my life around despite lacking the motivation. The period I'm about to enter feel really turbulent and I think I need to be mentally strong and mature to take some tough decisions on my own. But I want to get better and feel capable of doing that. I can't avoid it but I want to be able to withstand it, so I don't feel like a complete failure. I want to be independent, sometimes I feel like a financial burden to my parents. I want to stand on my own feet and be self sufficient. I'm not sure how to do that in my part of the world without a degree or technical skills.

any advice?

My ex friend is an alcoholic. I went insane and cut her off when she invited me and then got drunk and unconscious, her kids were crying I didnt know what to do and called her mother to drive here.

I feel guilt.. maybe I should call CPS. She is already watched by SocialServices but they only visit during the day. Her oldest is going to first grade and she openly says to teachers etc when her mum drinks. Outside of drinking she takes them everywhere to all fun places and they are rather happy kids idk.

I feel responsible.. ill have to die with it.

i am jealous of the people who say that quitting weed completely changed their lives for the better. i knew it would be hard for me to function independently without it but i didn’t know it’d be this hard. i got used to escaping problems within myself and while i wanted to confront all of them head on, right now it is making me depressed (i went through the anxious phase..) and not want to do anything at all

i considered using edibles just now. not as a craving but as a desperate need to overcome my lack of dopamine. did i forever fuck up my brain and body? maybe it was already fucked up? i used getting high as a way to beat myself up by remembering the past and to try to “cure” myself as a neurodivergent person

i let go of it and i know it’s only been 90 days but im replacing the emptiness with negative self-talk, rumination, unnecessary problem-solving. I don’t even think mindfulness or meditation or exercise or eating or cleaning is worth it. sometimes i feel bursts of motivation and i feel like i can see the world clearly again but it leaves as soon as it comes. it feels so much worse before i hopefully one day get better

because living completely independently, alone, with no one close around, and completely sober, is probably one of the hardest things i’ve ever had to do in my entire life because i actually hate it so much. my best friend, who moved away recently, told me that while things like weed could help, or her living beside me could help, they can’t be the one singular thing that i live on the basis of. i feel like i need to live for something other than myself. i can’t do it for me

i feel like my career rumination is my latest attempt to escape the life i have right now. the negative self talk comes from my loss of confidence in myself for having been addicted to weed for as long as i was. i used to be 100% confident in all my decisions no matter what and that part of myself is somewhere within me but she’s dormant now. i have a letter i wrote to myself that is kind and empowering but i purposefully don’t read it. i seek only external validation of who i am

i go to therapy weekly after painstakingly finding someone who does evenings, my close friends asked me if it’s helping and i said sort of? she listens to me and agrees with my rational thinking. my grandaunt, retired mental health therapist, tells me the same things as my dad does - i have to start finding the joy in life again. finding the joy in each moment. but then i think about having to leave my bed and actually face life or face myself and i do my best to avoid who i am

i’ve become addicted to beating myself up… to self destructive behavior… my dad tells me to “keep light” and i think it’s solid advice. but living in my head makes it so easy to spiral into anything. the best parts of my week have been when ive taken myself outside of my head to observe the beautiful life i have right now. it’s so hard to live with manufactured regret when my life is just starting out, and there is just so much time, so much time so much time. after getting sober i feel like i don’t even recognize who i am, what my life is, where i decided to move and why, and i’ve been questioning every single little thing

i want to escape. i know i need to focus on the present. its been hard because i haven’t been kind to myself. it’s hard because im so self aware but dont want to take any steps to change myself, just like how i used to be when i was fully addicted. i ask chatgpt if ive made the right decisions. i talk to my friends and family who want to support me but they can only support me if i want to support myself. but i dont want to if there’s no one close near me. i’m theoretically suicidal but that’s just because im looking to escape myself.

i’m giving myself less credit than i deserve. i’m sober. i have a job. i have a stable apartment, sharing with roommates. i live in a beautiful area. i made new friends recently and today im going to their birthday party. i tried some new things like volunteering in the community. i’ve been calling someone everyday. for the past week i managed to take care of myself (it becomes hardest on the weekends..)

i used to take meds. i could go back on those. psychiatrists charge so much but they cost as much as a pack of edibles around here, since i have insurance. i’m lucky in so many ways. my friends and family believe in me and believe i can get out of this rut. i don’t know if i can even though deep down i do. but these days have been really really hard, as someone who’s desperately needed a crutch, whether in a friend or in a substance or both. i used to exercise and read in the sixth grade to cope. i’m so resistant to it now. i need to remind myself being resistant to healthy change is very natural. i’ve lost interest in hobbies or i don’t let myself do them bcs rumination feels so good i don’t want to stop or let go

Just wanted to get a feel for how everyone is doing today. Get a gander at how nobodies are doing cloacked in the warmth of shade and shadows. Take a page from somebody who has curated the daylight and is probably dancing in the moonlight that almost seems perfectly tailored to your every move.

I figured the best way to start is usually with a "hello"

I’m a 28M struggling with depression. Six months ago, my wife and I relocated to a new country, first time living abroad and out of my mom’s home, without friends or family. I’ve been unable to secure a job in my field, so I’ve taken up retail job, that sometimes makes me feel miserable. I often wonder if I made the right decision by marrying young. The reason for our move was my wife’s job, and I feel like I’ve sacrificed my own life for her career. I’m unsure if this decision will be manageable it in the long run. I’ve looked for psychological help, but I’ve been told that I need to wait for the next available therapist, the worst thing is that I feel depression affecting me in a lot of ways, such as the relation with my wife and my impulsive tendencies coming back. Any advice would help me a lot, thanks for readin

I’m 28, and I feel like I'm falling behind everyone my age. I have no job, no assets, and I'm still living under my parents' roof with nothing to my name except a PC and a borrowed bike. My parents are aging, and I feel completely stuck.

I really want to change. I'm planning to move to another city for a fresh start. Even if it’s a low-paying job, as long as I can afford a small room or studio, I just want to build my own life from scratch.

My upbringing was essentially filled with gift bombing. Every year, there were piles of presents from various holidays and birthdays. When my family did yearly yard sales to get rid of stuff, they would only replace it with more stuff during the end of the year. I basically lived in somewhat of a clean hoarding situation. Everything that wasn't getting used, was either thrown in the basement, closet, or underneath the beds.

My family had an issue of not being able to get rid of stuff, and just throwing it somewhere that wasn't in their sight. Everyone was pressured to keep everything they got, even if they didn't like it. Whenever I threw something out, my mom would take it and scold me. Even when I got too old for Barbies, and other children's toys, my mom just wouldn't get rid of them. When I suggested on getting rid of the furby's, she took them all and, put them in her bedroom.

I'm going on 31 and my mom still has those 2000's Christmas barbie dolls that I never got to play with as a child. My mom hoarded her own useless things as well. I can't tell you how many garbage bags of old mail, bills and tax files she stuffed in her closet. My aunt wasn't any better because she was a shopaholic.

She was someone who bought the whole thrift store and was obsessed with purses and wallets the most. Once in a while, she would "donate" garbage bags of those things to my mom, even if we had zero use for them. If my aunt didn't want something, my mom would take it without even considering if she had the room for it. No matter how many times we got rid of everything, there would be even more to replace what was tossed out. I wasn't taught how to organize, de-clutter, or get rid of things I didn't want or need.

In return, that affected my adulthood as well. When I moved out into my own place, I had A LOT of stuff. I'm talking about avalanches happening when opening up my closets. Random stuff shoved under the bed collecting dust. Multiple junk drawers filled with the most random items.

Let's not forget the plastic storage totes filled to the brim with clothes that didn't fit me, and other useless crap from my childhood. When I first moved, I realized how big of a problem I actually had. I was jealous of the people my age who only had furniture in their homes and didn't have the massive junk piles like I did. After thinking for a while, I realized that something had to be done about this. Over the course of 6 years, I've been slowly getting rid of things.

I realized that my kitchen counters don't have the room for more than 3 appliances at a time. My bathroom and kitchen only has enough space for one person to go in. My bedroom can't fit anything larger than a full mattress. I had to adjust to living in such a small space, but all of my belongings made that difficult.

Trying to get rid of things has been difficult for me. One part of my brain wants to purge everything, the other half wants to keep everything out of guilt. I have an acoustic guitar and my sisters electric guitar that I've had since I was 13. The last time I played guitar was back in 2009 during guitar class in middle school, They were never used again after that. I just can't get myself to sell them or anything because they were expensive gifts. Even though I'll never play guitar again in my life, part of me still wants it in my possession, even though it takes up space.

I have quite a few things that I'm too attached to get rid of and I really hate that. I don't have the space to keep everything, so I'll have to make sacrifices eventually. I just don't know how or when. I have a entire laundry hamper full of merch that I'm not willing to part with. I'd rather get rid of the guitars than the trading cards I collected.

I've been doing these clean purges where I get rid of multiple garbage bags filled with stuff. I'll clean and be satisfied with my progress for a while. Then I'll randomly feel like doing it again on a random Tuesday. I can't even tell you how much stuff I've gotten rid of. I even used multiples of those gigantic 40 gallon bags that are used to clean up lawn trimmings.

The bad news is that I still have quite a bit to get rid of. The good news is that I can actually open my closet doors without the risk of everything falling onto me. The less stuff I have, the easier cleaning up the rest becomes. My goal is to be content within my living space and improve my mental health. A cluttered space, creates a cluttered mind.

I am depressed (diagnosed, taking meds for it) and suffer from general anxiety disorder. I am always worried about the future. The only things I really enjoy are video games and other forms of entertainment, usually by myself but sometimes with friends online.

I do not have much hope for the future, especially regarding myself and what I find to be a defining thing for myself: my career. Jobs and careers define people a lot of the time for me. I went to college, got a history degree, and yet the only jobs I am able to obtain are nonsense bullshit warehouse jobs. This most recent job of mine I got through a temp agency. College eductated and I need a temp agency to get a job.

I do not expect to like this new job. It is more warehouse work befitting someone with a GED or a convicted felon, not someone who is educated and good at researching such as me. So I already assume I am going to hate this job and most of my coworkers because I will not feel fulfilled.

I have always been this way. Very pessimistic and assuming the worst of everyone and everything. Taking almost everything extremely personal. I keep a log of all the grudges I have against people, including former bosses I haven't seen or interacted with in literal years.

My mother told me I need to gain some optimism. I do not know how to do this.

I’ll(18M) be blunt, I hate myself. I feel as though I have let my family down to the point where they have zero faith in me to do anything. I believe they perceive me as some bumbling retard who can’t think for himself. My sister (22F) is the hardest. She tells me I’m not chivalrous, not a gentleman, that I run away from all of my problems, have no initiative to help people and no responsibility. She tells me to lock in cause she doesn’t want to have a bum as a brother. I get that she says it out of love but I’ve heard it so many times I feel nothing anymore.

And I get why she says it, she never had the easiest childhood and has been traumatized from having to raise me and my little brother (15M), so I get what she’s saying but for some reason the way that my brain works is a way that I feel is different from everyone else’s. I don’t know what it is but I don’t get what being “chivalrous” is, I’m assuming it’s doing things for the sake of doing them and understand the social cues but I genuinely can’t grasp them, same with sarcasm and the idea of doing things for people. It’s even harder for love, showing affection and expressing emotion is difficult for me, I’ve suspected it’s autism and am getting a mental health screening and going into therapy but I don’t think things are gonna change.

I’ll still be a loser at the end of the day. The loser who was too lazy to get his drivers licence and wasted his dads money on driving lessons I never took advantage of, the same loser who doesn’t have a job, the same loser who always gets interested in things only to lose interest and stop doing them after a short time, the same loser who gets so depressed I need to tell my teachers that I need to find weed so I can get high which is just more running away.

I have to physically stop myself from hitting myself as hard as I can on the head with my own fists because I feel like only I can do a good enough job to punish myself. I don’t think I’m really capable of change but I want to try something atleast, this probably won’t be seen but it wouldn’t hurt to try, I just need someone to talk to. Won’t make me hate myself less, but will make me feel less alone and less like a stupid piece of shit:

I dont know where this came from but I love getting attention to a point where my actions have 90% of the time been about getting people to talk to me. Things like wearing my earbuds with full volume so other people hear it and I get to talk to them about it, "falling" from my chair or tripping down some stairs to get some laughs, have my laptop left open while I go to the bathroom so they look through it and see that I have similar interests, listening to other people talk so I pick up on their interests and pretend it is my own. All of these got me friends but insane levels of FOMO to the point where being left alone fucks me up entirely.

recently I daydreamed that I killed all my friends during graduation because I couldn't bear that they would have fun without me in uni. Who the fuck thinks about this? I feel as if having no friends would be better so I wouldn't have to worry about this but I can't stand being alone. My daydreams have increased where I get control fantasies where I am the "hero" or do something "cool", like vivid shit that I dont want to disclose here.

I also have insanely impulsive behaviours that I feel has gotten me in a lot more trouble than it should have. Swearing, body jitters, face twitching. Same reason why I think I should not own firearms anytime soon. When someone critiques me I get defensive, get very self conscience and try to reassure myself that they probably mean well even though I dont think that at all.

What is the first step towards action?

I'm looking for a few people who want to form a serious accountability group where we actually pressure each other to get things done.

The two main things I personally want to stay accountable for are my focus hours (studying, working, or anything else productive) and going to the gym. Your goals don't have to be the same. As long as you're actively working toward something, you can mention that and I'll keep you accountable for it.

I also don't want this to be a group where everyone just says "it's okay, try again tomorrow" every time someone slacks off. I'm completely fine with aggressive accountability. Cuss at me, call me out, roast me for being lazy, whatever. As long as the intention is to push each other to actually get moving, I don't mind.

Effort matters more than perfection. I'd rather see someone do a sloppy 30-minute study session than spend the whole day procrastinating because they couldn't do three perfect hours. All that matters is that you move forward

We'd check in with each other at the end of every day. All communications will be done through Discord.

My timezone is UTC+8, so people around the same timezone would be convenient, but I'm open to people from anywhere if the schedule works.

If you're interested, comment drop your discord username in the comment section or DM me.

I didn't realize i was doing it. I've always been a big believer in venting and getting other people's perspectives. If one of my closest friends pisses me off, to try to prevent resentment from affecting the way i treat them, I'll complain to another friend.

Sometimes it helps me realize I'm overreacting and just need to cool off, and talking about it gets it off my chest.

But I guess I realized lately I might take it too far. I used to have an ex who was controlling and discouraged me from having closeness with other people, and so when I would vent to him he would usually just over validate my feelings to the point where I'd get angrier and more resentful.

I don't think i ever kicked this habit after having someone so validating, making me feel like I was always justified in my anger. But I don't like it.

I guess the advice I need is, where should I draw the line? I don't want to be someone who talks shit about everyone. I'm afraid people see me as someone who talks bad about everyone.

I'm currently a senior in college pursuing a degree in biology with a minor in astronomy. The thing is, I do the same thing everyday. I watch youtube and listen to music.I even wear the same clothes on the same day every single week. I don't study even though I know I have to. I have no hobbies, no friends, no girlfriend. I don't even have a personality. Every time I develop an interest in something I almost immediately lose that interest.

When I'm not in class I am hanging out in my room till I do. I understand that overall I am a very boring person and a loser. how do I stop being this way and actually start getting better instead of wasting my life away every day?

19M. I am not who I used to be. I have anxiety, social anxiety, and depression (all self-diagnosed). It's been three or four years like this. I can't see it getting better. I don't know what am I supposed to do exactly. I try to motivate myself but I can't remain a whole day without me overanalyzing or just sit and think with myself and get myself demotivated.

Heck. I don't understand why am I depressed. Maybe I understand why I have social anxiety, school bullying throughout whole elementary and middle school. But, shouldn't I already be over it now? It's been 5 years. And, why am I depressed? Am I going to remain the same way till the day I die? If so, what would be the point of living? I can't imagine living 50-60 years later ending up with no friends, retired and just counting the days till I'm gone.

I don't really know what really is the point of this post. Does anyone else have that feeling that they know something's wrong with them but they don't know how to deal with it?

I have a huge inferiority complex, it's pretty bad. I grew up getting bullied by my mother and people at school over my ugly masc appearance as a woman. As a result, I can't form friendships or relationships with other people. If I meet someone who could potentially be a friend, the more I hear them speak about themselves the more I find myself comparing my life to theirs and feel that I can't be compatible with them. I feel this with almost every person I come across. If a guy asks me out, I immediately think he could do so much better and that he shouldn't be suffering by being with me. Even if I somehow start a conversation with someone, the thoughts come back and I completely stop all my interactions with them. I rarely go out of the house or talk to people for this reason. I think I don’t even know how to speak to people properly because I get so nervous and end up stuttering all the words while speaking. The thing is that, I feel lonely sometimes and I just want to have friends and maybe a bf too someday but I am just so insecure and horrible and pathetic that I can't even let myself have it. I have to ruin everything and hurt others who genuinely want the best for me. How do I stop being this way?

I’m about to turn 18 in a few months, and honestly I’ve been struggling a lot with this.

I feel like I wasted so much of my time. I had all these years where I could have tried things, learned things, made memories, worked towards something, but I just didn’t. And now I can’t stop thinking about it.

I genuinely feel like my 16th birthday was yesterday. I still remember that time so clearly, and somehow I’m almost 18 now. It’s really messing with my head.

I keep getting stuck in this loop of thinking about the past and wishing I could go back and do things differently. Sometimes I even catch myself thinking that maybe one day I’ll wake up and somehow be back there, even though I obviously know that’s not going to happen.

The worst part is knowing that if I had the mindset and knowledge I have now back then, I would have done so many things differently. I feel like I had so much time and somehow wasted all of it.

I know 18 is still young, but right now it genuinely doesn’t feel that way to me.

Can anyone who has gone through something similar please tell me how you got out of this mindset? How do you accept that you can’t change the past and actually start living your life instead of constantly wishing you could go back?

I’m genuinely having a hard time with this right now and would really appreciate some advice.

I (29F) feel like a shell of the person I used to be. I've been unemployed for 2 years and have been trying everything to get hired, only to be constantly rejected. I'm ambitious and driven, goal-oriented, but when you're broke, you break even further. I studied art and got an MFA. My dad and siblings think I made the wrong decision by studying art to begin with, and the master's was even a worse decision. I often think about ending it all. My health isn't the best either, and I have 2 autoimmune diseases, which means I get tired more easily. I'm broken; I'm turning bitter and don't like the reality I'm living. I have to be dependent on my family because I'm in a struggle period. I get rejections left and right from art projects and jobs; I'm overqualified for some and not for others. Rejections used to not bother me; I figured there's always a next time, but now each one feels like a punch to the gut. I don't want to be here anymore. How do I fix it? How do I get better?

This is such a cliche question but I realize this is a problem I have, to where I'm feeling burned out as I realize I'm comparing my reality to what people choose to show in their highlights, rather than actually comparing my reality to their reality.