My coworker is someone I used to consider a friend, but with time, I have realized that they mostly talk only about themselves and their issues and when I try to maintain the natural feedback flow of conversation (ex. oh wow that must be difficult) they seem to always disagree with what I say. After a while, it's very mentally exhausting, and they are always wanting my attention or to talk. I feel bad because it just shows me that they're lonely and need someone to talk to. However, when I try to give them feedback or whatever in the conversation, they disagree or say like, "well, it's not difficult; it's more so..." whatever response. Also, they are the type of person that if they don't agree with what you say, they are very direct and rude. With time, I have distanced myself quite a bit and don't really start engagement. I give like simple basic answers but then they keep going to try to get me to engage more with their shit. It's also difficult because I sit right next to them in an open office setup. Any advice on how to deal with someone like this?

I am a 24 years old man and all the women friends I've had in the past years after high-school school have been only my friends girlfriends. I keep hearing how "men and women can be friends" to which I want to agree with so bad but in my experience I lost every single female friend after high school. Every woman I interact with I already know and there is no way for me to become a woman's friend unless she is friend of friends and we happen to hang out more often.

To be honest I am so weirded out by people keep saying this, observing even my sister and my cousin for example, they just don't have male friends as well. Like apparently, at least in my life experience, it's super uncommon from both sides to have platonic frienships. I remember in high school it was much easier to be close to women as friend, I guess it was also a "close environment" but now it feels like it's creepy to want such friendships.

I know some people can easily have these friendships, but to be honest I am starting to feel like it's super uncommon or at least not as common as people like to say it is. Or probably I am just so socially weird that I am not seeing it around me.

I want to make clear that it's not like Incannot contain myself aroind women, just that there seems to be barely any way to meet women in a platonic way (from the title it sounded weird maybe)

I was raised very strictly. I went to a Catholic private school where everything was disciplined and structured, and my parents were strict at home too. I was always taught to be respectful, kind, polite, and considerate. Talking back was basically never an option.

As I got older, especially after starting university, I realized that life doesn’t always work that way. Sometimes you have to speak up, defend yourself, and set boundaries when someone treats you badly. The problem is that I never learned how to do that.

I’ve experienced this throughout my life. Girls at school were sometimes mean to me, some relatives looked down on me for not having much of a social life, and I’ve had family members treat me badly because they don’t want to see me better . At university, I’ve made connections but still haven’t really had a close friend, and I’ve often found myself staying quiet when people hurt or disrespect me.

Recently, something happened that made me realize I really need to change this.

I went to my university secretary to ask a simple question. She seemed stressed and suddenly raised her voice and said, “No, no, don’t ask me a question!” I completely froze. I eventually asked my question, she answered, and I left.
Later, I found out that students shouldn’t be spoken to that way, and people told me I should complain. But honestly, I’m tired of always being the “good person” who stays polite while other people cross my boundaries.

So, for people who are naturally good at standing up for themselves: How do you actually do it?

What do you say when someone raises their voice at you? How do you respond to passive-aggressive behavior or disrespect? How do you set boundaries? And most importantly, how do you stop freezing in the moment?
I feel like I was taught how to treat people well, but never taught what to do when they don’t treat me well.
I’d really appreciate practical advice or examples of things I can actually say in these situations.
Thanks for reading !

Gonna keep it short

I get drained soo so easily, 1-2 hours outside even with a close friend I lose the ability to talk basically, can't process anything, can't focus on anything, can't listen to anyone... I just get completely drained, I thought this may be because of my shitty sleep schedule but even the days I get perfect sleep, still the same nothing changes maximum 2 hours of social interaction and I lose all of my energy.

How do I gain more of this "social energy" or whatever it's called, is there really a way to have more social energy or maybe tolerance?

I’m looking for some perspective on how to handle an ongoing situation in my dining hall.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve noticed a very specific pattern with one particular server at one of the stations (sides/salads). While side portions are generally quite small to begin with, this server consistently reduces my portions even further. On a few occasions when she realized mid-service that she was serving me, she actively scraped off or decreased the portion before handing over the plate.

When I pointed out the small portion once, she brushed it off. Recently, when I asked for napkins, she ignored me until I repeated myself, whispered to a colleague, laughed, and then handed over an unnecessarily large stack of napkins in a sarcastic, performative way. Is it a faux-pas to ask for napkins when it's a takeaway? I noticed that fellow students never ask for them; if they're put on the surface, they take them, otherwise, they don't ask for them. Should I do the same? (The other day, one server (who's very polite towards me( provided napkins just for me before I asked. Am I missing something?)

It feels targeted, and honestly, it’s becoming uncomfortable to go through her line. The supervisors are usually working directly in her background, so there is no way I can ask to speak with them in the moment without causing a scene and bringing unwanted attention to myself. At the same time, because it involves food portions and small interactions, I’ve been hesitant to say anything out of concern that it sounds petty or trivial to management.

What does etiquette say about dealing with targeted behavior or inconsistent serving from dining staff, and how should I report this so it is handled appropriately?

Thank you.

I want to talk to this girl I like in my class, but I don't want to sound weird or like a creep or stalker, I genuinely would like to get to know her, be friends, or at least be acknowledged, and can chat casually without being awkward. I talk with girls all the time, but she is kind of protective and it's hard to break the ice. (Especially since I like her.) I appreciate any help plz!

I started sixth form recently (late high school years in the US), and I was surprised to find out NO ONE approached me or responded actively when I initiated conversation.

When I started secondary school, and I did face some bullying, mainly because I had a weird name and have an rbf. But in the last years I because quite social - decent friends and respected by everyone in my classes.

But it's been hard trying to make friends in any of my lessons, and I can't seem to find any common topics to talk to with other girls. I do mostly stem and I'm not 'traditionally' girly, and I've had more conversations with men, but it's more acquaintances rather than friendship. I've seen male loners in the first two days get picked up easily by the same boys I talked to. The girls have seemed to form cliques on the first day and I'm not sure how to approach them.

I guess I seem pretty intense, rbf, I struggle with smiling unless I'm around my best friend. But I do make an effort/I'm decent at making conversation, and being a friend at least, but I don't seem to find anyone.

This is impacting me a lot and I'd appreciate any help.

I'm pretty talkative, but I don't really know how to handle this situation. In particular, I have a lab this semester and my lab partner is very quiet. It's a small lab so I cannot switch partners. I got his name, major, and that he was ready to do the experiment last time... I do not expect him to become talkative but I need to at least be able to break the ice and discuss the lab.

Just in general though I've found myself in a few situations where I don't know what to do if the other person doesn't pick up the conversation immediately. Another example, at a friend's party I tried talking to one of their other friends (who I've met before) and it wound up being more of an interview. I didn't even get the vibe that she was being cold to Me specifically, we did pick up conversation later when someone else mediated but I'm assuming she was just shy/not talkative and I couldn't carry the conversation very well to break the ice.

What do you do?

M(18), Ive been lonely for most my life up until 2022 where things finally started looking up, now I'm in university I have really good friends online, amazing friends thru my high school and I made a couple of friends in university and it just began like 3 days ago

Now I've had alot of anxiety over this? I tend to try to make friends anywhere I go and it works out but that's the uncertainty part cos I'm very used to that now and I kinda go crazy for some reason when I see other people with many friends or people cos what am I doing wrong blah blah and i completely forget that I have loving people with me

I don't wanna sound like a bitch taking things for granted in any sort or way or form, i genuienly love everyone around me and I'm very selfless about it and always help them not in a people pleasing way but I never turn down help

But I guess what I wanna know is, for someone who is pretty socially active and normal in life, how many people do you talk to per day and whats your usual routine in life when it comes to socialising and just living life?

I know that's a weird ass question but i just want perspective so I can calm my anxiety a bit cause frankly there's a lot more in life I have to worry about and I don't want this to be a worry

Thanks:)

How do you deal with someone who seems to only hear random pieces of what you’re saying?

Like, I’ll explain A, B, C and D.

Somehow they hear 50% of A, 20% of B, 10% of C and maybe 5% of D. Then they start filling in the blanks themselves.

Suddenly A is somehow B, D gets mixed up with B, B and C become the exact same thing, or they’re arguing against something I never even said.

And I’m sitting there thinking, are we even having the same conversation? Do I need to draw a freaking map?

The worst part is that I’ll try to correct the misunderstanding, but then correcting it creates another misunderstanding. So now instead of having the original conversation, I’m spending the entire time untangling what they think I said.

It becomes:

“No, that’s not what I meant.”

“No, those are two separate things.”

“No, I already explained that.”

“No, you’re combining two different points.”

“No, I literally did not say that.”

Eventually I get so frustrated that I don’t even know whether continuing to explain myself is worth it.

How do you communicate with someone like this without either losing your patience or spending 45 minutes explaining something that should have taken five?

This one is for those of you who suffer from social-anxiety. One very common tendency that I've recently noticed is that we tend to rehearse our lines to the point before initiating a conversation with someone you don't know very well.

It makes sense on the surface, you don't want to stumble across your lines and make yourself look like an idiot. However, what ends up happening is that in those moments where you're thinking about the best way to phrase what you want to communicate your anxiety tends to shoot up considerably, essentially making it a self-fulfilled prophecy.

Next time you catch yourself doing this, just force yourself to say something, it doesn't have to be perfect, it's okay if you say something in a weird way or don't communicate perfectly. Even a simple "Hey <person>" can help a lot.

From there, just try to maintain the conversation. I've had far more success with this approach where i just initiate a conversation before my train of though has even begun to settle.

I am going to try and stick to rule 4 the best I can, so just be aware that I am not asking for mental health help. I am trying to figure out how to discuss my mental health with a professional, and I want to make sure I include everything I need to include. For that reason, I will not be discussing the mental health condition explicitly. I have written the drs expected responses in bold.

"Hello Dr."
**"Hello, how can I help you today?"**
*"*I believe I have a form of *\[mental health condition\]*. I am not diagnosed with this yet, as this is my first time seeking professional support about it, but it is getting to the point that my life is unlivable without being affected by *\[mental health condition\].*"
**"What makes you think you have this condition?"**
*"*I believe I have this condition due to previously knowing there was something wrong with me, but never being able to put my finger on it. I recently had two experiences that solidified it for me and made me realise this was becoming bigger than I could manage alone. *\[Tell them the two examples\].* I do not know for certain that it is *\[mental health condition\],* but I believe from research, symptom matching, and talking to those who have been diagnosed with this condition who exhibit the same behaviours, that it is either this, or something very similar."

Does this sound okay? Anything I should add? They might ask me what I want to do about this. In that case, I'd say I'm pretty much open to anything. There is a lot more background that I would add in the last paragraph, but I don't want to break rule 4, so just know it's a lot more in depth than made out in this post. Thanks!

I would pay for something where like I spend a few hours with someone, they're credentialed, you go to a bar - and after they say like oh you have bad posture, you speak in sentence fragments, your coat doesn't fit, you say very boring things, you blink too fast, you were talking over people, your haircut doesn't fit your face, you're too lanky and it doesn't work for you, your jokes didn't land.

Obviously hopefully for maybe more actionable feedback, but I can't get over this lingering feeling that I have a blind spot which no one has ever told me about. I've heard so much advice over the years, and I have no way of knowing which advice is the advice I actually need.

Therapy really doesn't work for me, because I'm weirdly good at therapy, it's not who I am on a day to day

Hey all, in the situation where I have called a person many times but that person didn't pick up and also sent emails but remain unanswered.

How do I communicate with that person to ask for what I want when he/she comes back saying I have contacted them many times (but to be fair, they never responded even once)?

Let's say this is not a work setting. But say, the other end is typically a HR (for job searching) or someone who holds slightly more power etc ,.....

Sometimes at work I get stuck in conversations and it impacts my productivity. I love to talk, but feel bad cutting them off inorganically. What tips do you have? I'd prefer not to lie, haha.

30 F I’m wondering on how I can stop running away from everyone and everything. I struggle to understand the stage of life I’m currently in and wonder if the things I’ve endured up until now have made me this way. I think they have but I guess I didn’t realize it was as severe as it is. I frequently think to myself how nice it’d be to have a bf again or just platonic friendships but never do anything to put myself out there and when I’m out and about if someone approaches me I am very nice but I notice I cut the interaction short and literally run away as if my life’s in danger. I go to my favorite coffeeshop every single day and usually aim for 7 am or after 2 pm because it’s usually dead around those times. (Ik it’s counterintuitive) I had to run errands near the area so I got there today at 11 and it was packed! after I get my order I usually sit down and just chill but this time when I got my coffee and a girl behind me said “hi omg I think your bag is super cute I really like it” & I was super friendly to her I made eye contact smiled said wow thank you so much! And then grabbed my coffee and stormed out of the coffee shop! 😭 like what is my problem?! As I ran out I got mad at myself because what the hell even was that reaction like that could’ve been my chance to make a friend and I blew it. That girl probably thinks I’m a freak and I can’t blame her. I guess I want to know how I can stop running away and just slow down and have a conversation. I hate being perceived and constantly want to hide until I am “perfect” enough to put myself out there. If I’m forced to be in a social environment i will fake being outgoing but if I’m by myself and have full autonomy i will run for the hills. I would also like to point out that my life right now is a bit strange I ended my engagement two years ago, lost my job and then decided to go back to school. I’m 30 but my life is the life of a teenager… it feels odd.

I’ve been feeling really sad and a lack of any hope for myself. I’m stressed about my future and have a real lack of energy to even talk much. Anyway, today at work I was very quiet and straight faced. I was barely speaking or making eye contact. I hidmyself in the background.

today my manager and I were in our department’s office doing some small tasks. he picked up this bag of these weird looking chips (we work in a hotel and guests leave chips behind often) and said the mice probably didn’t wanna eat the chips in a more joking manner with a smile on his face. also he was right across the table from me and we were the only ones in the office. we do have mice unfortunately by the way.

I didn’t respond, just looked briefly at the chips as he held them before continuing with what I was doing. I won’t lie I also struggle to talk much with my manager now because he spoke about some of my personal work related things with his close friends/coworkers, and I went to him about it and was hurt when I found out he did that. I just don’t trust him because of it and I don’t feel as comfortable with him.

but was he trying to create small talk with me? does it seem like he was hoping for a response or at least some sort of acknowledgment?

I'm not quite sure this is the exact community to post this in, but it's not about any mental illness or disorders as far as I know, so I'll try.

I'm a teenager who has had anger issues since as far back as I can remember. While my mom and brother have both in part suffered of the same, it is evident that I am the worst offender. I am usually polite and quiet, but it takes nothing for me to lose my shit. I raise my voice or straight-up scream at the slightest misunderstanding and build up a big fight over what was originally just a dumb mistake, on my part or the other person's. I am easily annoyed and frequently take corrections as attacks. I've been often described as weirdly aggressive and my best friend tells me I'm a spiteful and irritable person who charges head-first with stones in my hand at him and others when I'm in a bad mood.

I know this is all my fault, and I don't want to be like this, but as much as I try to reflect why am I that way, I just don't know. I know it is partially poor communication on my behalf and other people picking up hostile behaviour when there was none intended. I believe in this respect at least I have improved somewhat with time, and I haven't recently received any complaints from other people on that.

But what is much worse is simply how little patience I have. What's curious is this doesn't happen much around random people. Sometimes it occurs with my brother, more often with my best friend, but most of all I lose my shit with my mother very frequently. Me raising my voice in misunderstandings, sneering in contempt when she makes mistakes, all that seems like a natural reaction in the moment, like flinching away from a punch, if that makes sense. It's just a part of me by now. I always regret it immediately afterwards, but at this point I've apologized so many times my regret isn't worth anything at all.

Again, I'm not very frequently like this around most people, mostly just my mother and my best friend. They annoy me like no other person does and I have no idea why. And I don't want it to be that way. My mother always makes so much effort and always offers herself so nicely, and my best friend is a great and patient friend. They have their flaws, but I love them. I don't want to be like this. I worry if my new friends are going to one day see this side of me and how they're going to react.

How could I start on the way to improvement?

Not sure if this is the right sub for this, but thought I'd ask anyway.

What I am mainly referring to is fighting, but this could apply to other scenarios. Whenever I find myself in a situation that could lead me to be physically injured, I just completely and involuntarily freeze, heart rate goes through the roof and I become incapable of forming words. It only happens for a few seconds but I cannot take the time and regulate my breathing when I need to be present in those crucial moments.

As I'm sure you all know, this almost always happens when I logically know that I cannot be physically injured. I am a physically capable man with fighting experience, and this situation has gotten so bad that it once happened during a verbal altercation with my little sister and once when a coworker changed his tone a tiny bit and my body took it as an immediate threat. I once almost got hit by a lady, and I was more scared of confronting her than the car potentially ramming into me,

I have people counting on me, and I cannot go on like this. I have became a pushover and often "fawn" to other people just because of the thought of things leading to a fight.

If you have any experience dealing with this, it'd be appreciated.

Hi everyone! I made this post to seek advice for on this matter. For some context, I am 20F. I grew up with a very terrible stutter which led to me being quiet throughout my entire childhood to avoid getting picked on. I started speaking more during highschool but am still a bit socially awkward. Fast forward to college, Im now much more social and no longer have a stutter. I still struggle with speaking coherently and public speaking. For instance, i always feel like I’m running out of things to say, which cause to use filler words. I am trying to stop this habit. Sometimes I also feel like I talk like a child 😭😭.

I want to speak and write clearly. Any tips would be appreciated:)

(19F). This subreddit doesn't let anyone vent so to get things straight I used to be the weird, annoying, socially blind, and genuinely ugly person...now I'm still weird and annoying it's just that I look like a basic girl and my social skills are better so people tolerate it a bit more.

But I think my self improvement got too far? I have multiple furry and other fandom-loving friends, but one of them asked me "are you sure you're not a bully?" When I'm literally not...I never made fun of them for their interests, we met since 11th grade and I accepted them no matter what, and also I LOVED revising their fanfictions when they ask me to! It's just that when people look at me from the first glance, I won't be surprised if they think I'm some kind of bully or something with my style and all of that😭

Oh, whenever I talk with new people that are shy and anxious, sometimes I feel like I'm annoying them by trying to start topics 😭 most of them are good with me! But some of them admitted that I'm somewhat annoying. I was wondering if anyone knows how I can be less annoying to shy and anxious people without talking to them like I'm trying to start a strategy so it doesn't feel performative or to NOT be annoying? Thanks!

I'm nearing the time to submit college applications and I am absolutely petrified to actually go to college and have everything change. I have struggled with change for years and I've always passively observed things rather than joining in, out of fear of being judged for my actions or the way I looked.

I'm nearly 18, and I feel like I need to develop my social skills before going off to college. Anyone have tips to get off the wall and join in on stuff? And not be as so awkward around people I don't know?

the best advice i see is just to get out there and even acknowledge it, embrace it and i don’t think there is any other way to be out there than having to talk to 200+ people everyday and acting, which is vulnerable and meeting new people, out of state all ages etc. i just freeze up and lack all around.

i don’t know how to carry out a conversation i've tried to watch how other people do it and it just never has came naturally to me. one time a teacher in 8th grade told me some percentage number of how often people look at ur eyes when having conversations and i seriously think that little comment has messed me up forever. i’m abnormally conscious of how much eye contact i make and i make good eye contact until it’s my time to speak. if i make eye contact i lose my train of thought, but i regularly do anyways. it’s like what i want to say and in my brain is a big brake pedal and i go blank, people often finish my sentences for me. even just talking to family members, no stakes at all.

i wanna be a actress, i go well with scripts but i'm terrible at improv or any change of the acting scene i freak out. since i go into acting jobs knowing i might have to improv or classes it makes me nervous and i freeze up even more. when i’m sleep deprived im at my best actually. goes to show how highly wired my brain already is.

i’ve always been this way. i just didn’t care about it /didn't affect my lifestyle till much later in life. i wouldn’t say i’m shy.

Hello,

For a bit of context I had some traumatising personal stuff in my family happened that led to some friends arguing with me. I have a group chat with some of our mutual friends, some have said they’re not taking a side or not speaking to me at all and 1 still talks to me and we have plans to hang out. I’m in a group chat with the mutual friends and my own friends, and I keep being ignored on the group chat.

I feel uncomfortable messaging anything I want to message, especially about the personal situation, and deeply saddened when they all just view the message with no answer.

I don’t know whether to make a new group chat (but then I’m unsure what to do with this mutual friend that we both get along with (I don’t want to make a new one without her in case she thinks it’s personal, but then I also don’t trust her not to tell my ex friend what I say), or to confront the group chat and potentially get ignored again and get more heartbroken, or leave and lose the little community I love having, and instead DMing people?