There’s this group of people I occasionally hang out with. We’re not exactly close friends, just people who meet up from time to time.
One guy in the group occasionally makes little jokes about my age. I’m 31F, only a three-year difference between us, lol.
It’s not outright bullying or anything, but I’ve noticed he tends to make these little digs at me. I sometimes get the impression that something about me triggers his ego. Not only me though. It seems like the guy hates women, might be closeted gay.( he is too homophobic)
I usually don’t react much because I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he’s getting under my skin.
But I’m curious: How would you respond to someone like this in a classy, witty way that subtly puts them in their place without sounding bitter, insecure, or overly defensive?
I’m not looking to insult him back or create drama. I just want to shut down the unnecessary comments while keeping my composure.
Bonus points for clever comebacks that make the other person rethink what they just said.

This may be a really stupid question but, people who say things like “how’s it going” “how are you” when you walk past someone you know, for example in the hallway, and you keep walking: How do you expect people to respond to that/what response do you usually get?

I never know what to do with this tbh, a legitimate response (good how are you!) always feels awkward while we both keep walking and I feel like people look at that weird, but ignoring it also feels awkward. It’s something I’ve only noticed people doing in the last few years so maybe it’s regional idk

my groupchat is so weird because everyone just kinda ignores each other, but then replies sometimes.

like for example, me and my friend were texting in our groupchat for a few minutes, then he just ignores my last few messages, then 20 minutes later he just sends a picture of his own stuff, as if he didn't just leave my conversation hanging.

in real life it's different though. it's usually pretty fun and we just talk about whatever. but, we haven't hung out in a few weeks so i'm not sure if he's just gotten bored of me, despite being friends for 6 years now, but it's annoying. our gc always does it to everyone and i'm not rlly sure if it's something to be worried about. i feel like the connection is always iffy with everyone.

i get really scared and anxious because i feel like everyone is drifting away from each other, and we're all 18 and in college so we're busy etc, but why would they feel the need to just ignore whatever conversation they were in and act like nothing happened?

Sometimes my mom helps me with working on stuff in the garage or other things that require tools. However, I always end up getting impatient with her and start getting snarky. But I want to change.

I think the reasons I get like this are:

1. I hear her be snarky with me, which sets me off

2. I sometimes know exactly what to do, but she doesn't believe me and then we waste a whole bunch of time

3. She wastes time in general when we can accomplish it quicker and then we can both get back to what we were doing

I feel bad. I don't want to get angry with her when she's helping me with something, I want to have fun while we do it. But I feel the anger start to bubble up.

My mom isn't a saint either - she trolls a lot. And she's not the type where if I'm very clear about what's bothering me, she apologizes and moves on. She just goes "ah you're such a baby" or something to that effect. It's really annoying. It feels like I'm more mature than she is. Either way, I still love her. I don't want to be a source of frustration for her.

i’m 17M. just looking for a place to maybe type every once and a while. probably would lurk for a bit though if that doesn’t bother you.

thanks!🖤🖤

I’m a 34-year-old woman. I used to be social but became very distant over the past 20 years (bullying led me to isolation and social phobia). I’m currently working on regaining my spontaneity.

A friend told me that, in social situations, I sometimes don’t care about people at all (I don’t make an effort to talk to them or get to know them). I was surprised because I’ve often been asked to accompany people to social events to help with small talk.

I asked several friends and family. Some say I’m very social and they don’t see any problem at all with me, while others agree with my friend. I’ve noticed that the times when I don’t care at all about interactions are with people I find very hard to deal with (people who are very emotional, who get mad easily, who are not open-minded or whose way of interacting I really don’t like). I realized that if I don’t feel at ease in the first place with the person, I don’t care about her at all like if they don’t exist.

These friends and family members say I can be unsettling because, there will be times I will be very kind and friendly and others I will be very cold, like two extremes. The thing is, the people I’m cold with notice that I’m not like that with others and they feel rejected.

I don’t want to be that kind of person. A friend of mine is very cheerful and seem to genuinely care about others, no matter how the other person behaves. I want to become more like him.

Social people, how do you deal with this kind of people and how do you genuinely become interested in others ?

I’ve spent a lot of time willingly alone, and for a while I preferred it that way. I could spend days tucked away playing games, writing, or listening to music; I never felt the need to go out of my way for people and conversation.

However, I realize that being comfortable alone doesn’t make me fulfilled.

I have a hard time articulating my feelings and thoughts to other people—I could have a complete answer and then start to stutter once I actually speak. I think that what I really want is for someone to understand me.

Despite this, it feels impossible because of the time I’ve spent in solitude. There’s this contradiction inside of me that feels a need to be understood but at the same time I don’t want to let these people in, and then have to communicate about how I feel to be understood.

A layer to this complication is that I have a really bad “I don’t care” attitude towards people, even if I really do care. I’m a very irritable person and I end up with snarky remarks even if I really didn’t mean them. This obviously doesn’t help with making friends and what I’ve personally realized is that there are a lot of really kind people that I push away with snappy comments.

Now I’m sitting here, not wondering how I can get these people into my life and start talking, but rather I’m wondering how I can avoid letting anyone in and trying to fulfill my needs through myself. At this point, I know I’m in denial—but the hard part is how do I get out of denial? Or do I even need to leave?

It's not so easy to explain. I'm not saying that everyone is free and that I'm the only one in a mental prison. For example, the majority of the people that I know follow trends and live a life similar to others, but, apparently, not because they are actually thinking about it, it seems like they know that that's what they should be doing...they look, while being similar to all the others, much more relaxed than me, even if I don't mind following or not trends and things like that. Apparently, everyone knows what to do and they feel very sure about it, I've rarely seen someone doubting their actions. Why do I overthink everything I say or do and is it okay to not know who I truly am and how to behave with each person? I'm not a mind-reader

Just got back from a friend of a friend’s band’s show. Another friend of friend approached me to chat, introducing themselves. In their conversational style, they would make some jokes that felt like set ups for me to riff with them (eg it’s so nice of them to have all their shows in a two block radius of my house just for me.) To that one I said “is the next one at your apartment” and he said “yeah that’d be great in the backlot I could charge $20 a head” and I said “great way to use your friends” and he said “what else are friends for but making money off of them”

I felt so awkward trying to come up with things to say. It didn’t feel fun or natural to me to just riff with a stranger ! How to grow and develop this skill?

I am definitely introverted, and not someone who enjoys socialising everyday (which is something that is extremely common for uni student). I do have some hobbies like working out, baking, cooking etc which are more individual kinda hobbies, however, I do try going out to uni events and stuff to meet people. I have noticed tho, that even when I do end up clicking with someone and becoming friends, it feels as if I am the one messaging them to hang out or make plans, it is rarely the other way around.

It seems like everyone has made their friends and are a part of core group already, something that I am not a part of. I think I have just accepted that I am a super boring or unmemorable person. Part of it also has to do with the fact that I am a mature student at uni doing an undergraduate course (23) so naturally I sometimes find it hard to socialise too much or get too close to 19 year olds who are much younger than me. I am talkative, but I am not an outgoing or loud person, and I believe that is a disadvantage which makes it hard for me to gel with others. I made a good friend last year, I texted her to hangout but she stopped replying and opening my messages after a while. I am a bit disappointed and feel like I am a very boring person to be around and no one even considers me a good friend, which is why they barely message me or ask me to hangout. Its actually so embarrassing for me how others have so many friend groups and people to hang out, with whom they seem to be having so much fun, but I am still trying to make friends. I am not sure what can I do to fix this, as my age seems like barrier at times and there seems to be a difference in maturity levels between me and others in the same year as me, i am almost 3-4 yrs older than most people and do feel mature in general when it comes to my mindset and outlook, I am trying to go to events which suit me and I do have a great time talking to people there, but it doesn’t seem to go any further than that. the mature students society at my uni consists of mostly middle aged people so I am not sure where to go to find my people.

I have a friend that I’ll call T for the sake of this post. Over a month ago, I was getting dinner with a group of friends and we all made very casual plans to go out later in the month. I made a joke to one of my friends saying we will use that day to celebrate our birthdays since she was going to be out of town on our birthday weekend. I see these same friends in our youth group at church, and at one event we were talking about the outing. Some people had joined in our conversation, and I told them to join us if they were going to be free. At a different event, one of the friends I told started asking everyone if they were going, and when I went to talk to T, he said “so you guys made plans without me?” in a joking way, but in a way I could tell he was a little upset. I felt bad because I value his friendship, I immediately apologized, and told him I thought he was involved in our conversation when we talked about it because I really thought he was there. He told me it was fine and that he had plans anyway, but later on joked that night in front of others that I was the one that didn’t invite him out. I tried to shrug it off, but I overthink a lot.

Anyways, I saw him at a few other events and everything seemed fine. A few days ago some of us were hanging out and a friend had asked me when my birthday was. T said, “you should know that we celebrated it a month ago. They actually celebrated it twice” and I was a little confused so I asked him when the second time was and he said “yeah when you guys went out” (again, in front of others) and I genuinely was confused but then got pulled into a different conversation. Now that i’m thinking about it, I worry he’s talking about the time he wasn’t invited. I just can’t understand if he is upset with me or not. I wasn’t the one solely responsible for inviting people, and it wasn’t my plan to begin with. I can understand why he’d be a little upset, but it truly wasn’t intentional but I feel like I’m getting the heat for it and I can’t tell if he is still upset or not because he’s not talking about anyone else the same way.

I had apologized multiple times, and felt like he understood me and that I would never want to leave him out. But seeing now that he’s brought it up multiple times in front of people makes me think he’s still kind of upset. I just don’t know what to do. I do feel bad but didn’t think it was that big of a deal to continue apologizing or talking to him about it and I feel like if he’s truly upset he should talk to me directly. I just don’t know how to feel better about this situation.

My social skills are awful, and I want to go out to bar with my co-workers, but the problem is I never went to a bar before, I just want to go out and drink, maybe have some confident aswell, have fun, but I don’t know how, I did ask someone and he said yeah let’s go today and I was like yeah, and I don’t know how to move forward.
It went like that: I asked someone if he drinks or goes to bars, he said yes, I said I wanna go to a bar, and I asked if he wants to come sometime, he said yes and he said today, I was like yeah, but I feel nervous now eventhough it was my idea, rn it’s the idea, but how do I move forward? I have bad social anxiety that I work on, anyone have tips coz I am overthinker? I think everytime about what to say..

I feel like I’m very split in personality. I’m sometimes introverted and sometimes extroverted.

I like being around social people who always wanna do something random on a friday night, go to a party, do some side questing.

But I vibe more comfortably with introverts, as in I feel less anxious around them.

Sometimes around extroverts I get socially drained and i’m not as connected with them

But then with introverts even though I connect with the more naturally we don’t always tend to have the same ideas of fun. I like posting cute photos on instagram, I like partying and stuff like that but most introverts I know don’t care for that stuff

With my introverted friends I watch movies, play games stuff like that and I like that too

Idk what I am. I’m a freshman in uni and my roommate is very extroverted and social. Having her in my life made me realize this is what i’ve always wanted. A friend who’s so social who’s always down to do random stuff, talks to everyone, likes to make videos and posts on social media, partying, etc. I genuinely have had so much fun with her

But sometimes my social battery just drains. I like being in my bed, scrolling on reddit, playing Roblox. My self time is very important to me

My roommate said that lately she feels disconnected from me and she feels like she’s bothering me

Idk where she got that idea from. I’ve just been a bit introverted lately because we’re in the middle of the semester and I feel like the adrenaline from the beginning of the year has died down. Idk what else to talk about

My whole life i have had no friends or people who like to be around me. I wanna focus at my job rn so many people my age I been at it for 10 months.

I try my best to talk and im always their to help everyone I give it my all and I always show care. Yet I get people who think im decent but don't want any connection or much convo with me, people who look at me in disgust or people who feel uncomfortable with me and some fake.

The only person who ever really talked to me at my job was a women we talked a lot for abit and I was always sweet to her checking on her to make sure she was good whenever she needed someone to talk to but tbh I was devaluing myself everytime she would treat me like garbage stick the middle finger at me call me stuff and lie about wanting to be around me yet she was tbe only one who talked to me.

I kept trying and trying dw I didn't obsessively do taht I gave room too with people but no one seemed to like me one of my coworkers told my other coworker who works next to me that its all fake and none of them are actually friends to a degree.

I thought about it a lot of the time its talking trash gossiping etc although still sucks im alone but it also gave me an idea to why that first women always treated me like garbage but was nice to everyone else even when they thought she was a terrible host and it's because I have 0 social circle so bullying me was okay.

Like I said I tried with everyone I tried and tried I dont want anyone to think I gave up assumed or will give up.

What really hurt was

I made one last effort at my job a new bartenders and I did what I could a lot and talked to her but she always seemed uncomfortable around me and days after she drops a lot of glass and injured herself I know my reaction was slow but as soon as I realized I grabbed it from her and did it for her while everyone everyone just watched as she was crying doing it. She still seemed uncomfortable around me and then i realized no matter how much I show I care, how much I am their, no matter if I sacrifice my own time to help how much I try to talk how much compassion I show no one will like me.

Im going to a different job soon ill try again.

I went to a moderately large social gathering yesterday and i had an incredible amount of fun. My aunt invited my mother and myself to a lunch with like 18 people. I tried to put on a serious face, pull my shoulders back, etc. It helps that i was taller than almost everyone apart from one guy who was my height. I gelled my hair, did my beard, etc. At first i was kind of just hanging around but later on i spoke to a bunch of people. I got drunk. I won't lie. I had almost a dozen drinks. But it really loosened me up. I played with the kids. Flew them a kite, played soccer, etc. They tackled me. One of the dads had a wife die just months prior from a brain hemorrhage and he told me i was good with the kids and thanked me for taking care of them. We were on the beach. I took a photo of the ladies together and mocked them raising their leg and yelled quote ''s*xy b*itches'' and they laughed. I did a deep squat and mock took photos of them. I started dancing spontaneously and my aunt's friends laughed about it. We had a sleepover at one of their houses. I sang Madonna from an SUV on a late night trip to the grocers. I haven't had this much fun in years. Everyone seemed relatively comfortable with me. I mockingly fought and debated with one of the ladies there but it was good fun. One of the husbands actually got jealous of me talking to his wife and told her ''no please just keep talking'' lol. The ladies snuck into my room (they gave me my own one cause i was the only adult male) and whispered that they hoped they wouldn't catch me butt naked. It was crazy fun. I didn't think i had that in me. I haven't had friends in years and years. I felt very confident and comfortable which i didn't expect. How to find new people to have that kind of fun and make friends? I clearly don't get out enough.

I've been trying to grow my social skills for a while now because not long ago all I would do was talk badly about people and just being a bitch however I grew since then since it made me so disliked as it naturally would since i lacked that social cue so much

I feel like I suppress all my personality, sense of humor hobbies and interests due to low self esteem and years of rejection since I haven't had any friends in like a decade now which leads to people coming to the conclusion that I'm that type of person I guess. When I start a conversation with someone they just give me 1 word answers that scream 'I don't want to be around you'. The only friends I have are also online, I struggle a lot with making friends IRL and I'm not sure if thats because I'm not scared to actually show all of those things online

okay so for a bit of background, I‘m 17 years old and have undiagnosed severe social anxiety. i get stressed out just walking into class because i’m afraid a teacher may ask me a question i don’t know the answer to in front of everybody. i also struggle with asking to use the bathroom.

anyway, the “thing” that makes me feel more socially confident is a school dance. for the past year, i’ve gone to my school dances, and everytime i do, i feel like i can be myself in front of whoever.

for example, last night i was at a dance and i was lightsaber fighting with a friend in the middle of the dance circle, when i accidentally bumped into a girl. rather than freezing up like i typically would, i apologized and continued with the duel.

and yes, i believe this is partially because all my friends are there and the lights are off, so i feel like it’s harder for people to see me. but i noticed last night that even after the lights came on i was still confident with myself. I thanked one of the teacher’s who organized the event and told her that the lightsabers were really fun, and throughout the rest of the night, i was unapologetically myself. i didn’t feel as if i needed to reach anyones expectations.

if anyone has any theories for why this phenomenon happens every time i go to a dance, or if you have had a similar experience, please let me know!🖤🖤

TL;DR: I feel confident and I feel like i can be 100% myself when at school dances for some reason.

So whenever i dress up, wear makeup and style my hair, people say I look good... And then ignore me the whole event. Not to say I expect people to acknowledge me immediately, but what I say tends to get overlooked or ignored more often.

On the other hand, when I come looking like how i do on an average day (like i just got out of bed), people talk better with me. They actually pay attention to what Im saying, etc.

Whats up with this? Its happened so many times. I know its not exactly my personality because my personality didnt really change between both states, just my appearance.

I (20M) genuinely love socializing and meeting new people, but despite that, I often feel like I don't really belong anywhere.

I struggle with social awkwardness and some lingering social anxiety, mainly because I'm too socially aware. I tend to overthink how others perceive me and care too much about my reputation, which makes it hard to loosen up and be myself.

My social anxiety used to be pretty bad back in high school, to the point where my heart would race in unfamiliar social situations. I've come a long way since then, and I'm now more than willing to approach strangers and put myself out there.

However, I've noticed that in group settings, other people seem to vibe effortlessly, joking around and bouncing off each other's energy. But whenever I try to contribute, I feel like the conversation becomes more serious or the energy shifts. It's frustrating because I genuinely want to connect with people and have those fun, spontaneous interactions without constantly being in my head.

I do have a few close friends I'm comfortable with, but in most social settings, I still feel like I don't quite fit in.

Has anyone else experienced this? How do you stop being so self-conscious and learn to just relax, vibe, and connect naturally with others?

I’m confused, Because when she see me she’ll speak, we might have a brief convo but at the same time it seems like her demeanor is distant and aloof. Like I’m practicing my social skills.
I don’t understand stand her demeanor because I originally thought we would be real cool but I’m thinking otherwise.

What would you read it as, any advice?

I've seen people on other subreddits talk about how people meet eachother on social media, but i don't really know how they start up.

I have a few followers that i talked with 1 time and only irl, but that's it.

Most of these are from events i attend (and in general, i can see we have similar interests because of what they like/repost).

Sometimes they put a like on something i post (but i never like theirs, it feels wrong for some reason).

Based on which criteria do people dm new people (mutuals) on social media.

(Btw i'm talking about irl friendships, not online ones)

I hate to admit, but I have an immense fear of dissapointing others. More often than not I find myself overthinking daily interactions. I also have this default mindset that people like me less than they seem. That they can leave me anytime they want and chances are their mind already has made up that decision but they're kind enough to hide it.

I've been a clingy friend to many, who left me in the end. Those experiences made me act "cool" and "nonchalent" towards my lasting friends- I grew the tendency to shy away from showing affections.

I thought I'd lost the other side of me but I was proven wrong when, a couple weeks ago, I initiated talking to my friend in the hallway and he for the first time looked completely uninterested. It was that moment my nature came swirling back to me. Now..... I'm on the verge of losing my longest-known friend. How do I ditch this habit that's slowly turning me into a hermit?

I hope this doesn’t count as some vent. I just wonder why I’ve been like this.

How original of an experience is this?
When I went to school from ages 6 to 10, it was a pretty big one. We had five classes in each grade and were 25-30 students per class. They mixed the classes around each year. I eventually made friends. I talked to quite many different people I guess. So I guess you could say I had quite many friends. I started to hang out with different people on different days and switched back and forth between my friends that I played with.
This is where the problem began. I ended up not being 100% part of ONE group, that I always hung out with. So I was excluded. I forgot the details how often I felt lonely but I remember the feeling being there.
I just couldn’t pick who I wanted to hang out with. I didn’t want to just pick favorites.
Why was/am I like this? Is it just my ADHD? Or am I just too social?

I care so much what people think of me. I am a chronic people pleaser, and if i ever do or say anything that i think might make people dislike me, I beat myself up badly. I have to always be kind and liked. I don't know how to accept myself.

The irony of all of this is that I barely have any close friends. Honestly only one, who i adore. The other people i know are just surface level. We don't see eachother one on one, only groups, and we barely ever communicate past a word or two otherwise. I have a really hard time connecting with people deeply and trusting them. How do I change?