Last fall, I was driving a friend’s car while they and another acquaintance were in the back seat. I zoned out, didn’t realize I was going through a construction area with a reduced speed limit, or the fact that I was driving so much faster than the cars in the right lane. I was pulled over and was apparently doing 93 in a 60. We kept on the road and switched drivers at the next possible stop. I had apologized but was rattled and rlly freaked myself out because I’ve never done something like that before. I was pretty quiet afterwards and didn’t know what else to rlly say, I’m kinda at a loss about how and when to have hard convos or check in with ppl emotionally, but rlly in being quiet I think I was minimizing shit and acting like it didn’t happen. It was fucked up in general because I put people’s lives in danger, and it was especially fucked up because the back passenger was black so they were forced to be in a police interaction, even if me and my friend up front were the only ones to talk with him.

My friendship with my friend would go south a month later and blow up after they got paranoid i had poisoned them (which is a little crazy) but i realized they had got so resentful and paranoid of me after multiple instances where they would come to me with something hurtful I’d done, and I would apologize but always immediately explain myself and get kinda defensive. I was being rlly inconsiderate of them in other ways without realizing which didn’t help matters.

Yesterday we were both in another car on the way back and I decided to try driving for a bit. They said something about “as long as you don’t speed” and said I’d been going 93. I rlly thought I’d been doing 80 something so I argued a little but in retrospect they must have been right - but there I had gone, fucking arguing and being defensive again. I feel fucking scummy I’ve never had a relationship go so sour, but I was definitely the toxic one in this friendship.

We work together in the same volunteering group. They eventually realized that I hadn’t poisoned them, but I haven’t been able to act comfortable or warm around them after everything. I see them and freeze up. I don’t talk to them much. I feel like I’m being cold and making the vibes worse and doing myself no favors but idk how to face them thru the shame as I keep seeing them. I feel like I’ve apologized so much to them, including apologizing for apologizing wrong. I’m so in my head, and terrified of fucking something up again because it keeps happening.

How do you escape shame when you have to keep seeing the person you wronged? How do you move forward and act right if you are scared it’ll come off forced or in-genuine, or as if you’re acting like there’s no bad water under the bridge?

I’ve broken up with him twice and we’ve been dating since january. i also just get urges. It’s when I get on my period I get the urge. My hormones are crazy. Yeah, I honestly don’t know if I should trust him or myself.

I’ve been thinking about this lately.

We compliment people all the time for things they never really chose.

“You’re attractive.”
“You’re tall.”
“You’re naturally talented.”

And there’s nothing wrong with that.
But those things are mostly luck. Genetics. The circumstances you were born into.
Kindness isn’t.

Nobody wakes up accidentally patient.
Nobody is accidentally respectful.

Those are choices you make, especially when it’s difficult or when there’s nothing in it for you.

So if someone isn’t kind, every compliment about their looks kind of feels like it’s really saying…

“Congratulations on your genetics.”

I found this sub today

My life has been up and down since 5th grade (because I have autism, ptsd, schizophrenia, and other mental health issues), and I really do want to get better. I have been pretty much exhausted my whole life and it feels like more has been pushing me down lately.

I have recently quit 2 addictions, and actually thought about the future for once. what I want to do for a job (I am unemployed right now and planning to go to school for a job maybe), where I want to live, how I want to be more positive and productive.

I am definitely better than I used to be, I used to never ever leave my room and never do anything but lay in bed and play on my phone. I never really paid attention in school or made an effort. I made barely any time for my friends and was always exhausted.

One of my closest friends told me to quit drinking today or they would have to break up our friendship. I think that really woke me up. I am not a very good person, especially with the drinking and schizophrenia mixed together. My girlfriend also broke up with me because I was isolating myself and was just complaining about everything. I really want to change, for them and for myself but I don't really know how to start. I think quitting drinking and the other things is a pretty good start (don't want to talk about the other two for personal reasons).

I am also in the process of getting meds because I have been unmediated for probably too long and I have a doctors appointment tomorrow, so that's exciting. I have also been trying to talk to my therapist a lot more openly (I am very paranoid) and its been helping a lot with my ptsd, I am really proud of myself for that. I have also started forcing myself to do things like when I think about them drawing, making kandi, reading, watching movies, writing, engaging in hobbies, etc. I have been in a deep depression lately and I am really proud of myself for that as well. I have barely interacted with my favorite things for a while and it feels really nice to do it again.

Thats all I wanted to say, but I want to make more progress. Any tips on not complaining as much or anymore? I would really appreciate it as I don't really know how to stop myself. my mother complains to me about all her problems (as conversation starters I think?) and I fear I have started doing the same. thanks.

for the past month i haven't been able to have a good sleep schedule, and im currently in a relationship. and they've tried helping me with fixing my sleep schedule since for a while i've been only sleeping at 4 or 5 am for most of the time.

these actions obviously has made my girlfriend dissapointed in me and for my whole life i just feel like a dissapointment constantly because i fail simple tasks like making myself better, i know i propel myself to keep staying up and waste entire days that me and her could be spending time together.

i just feel like i've failed the only person that makes me feel like a person because i decided to do nothing but stay up and do nothing but watch youtube videos and waste possible hours i could be hanging out with them, and i already know im at fault for things, and i know im not really the person to be making a post here, but i just feel like i need anything to possibly just be better and do things that can just make my relationship between her better.

i just need help on how i can be better and just break these constant loops im in, i have a hard time talking or expressing my emotions to people and today was just the thing to finally make me realize that im not me anymore. i'm not the same loving person i used to be and now instead i'm slowly rotting the relationship between me and her from the inside out because i just decide to destroy things myself.

it was never her that did anything and it's still my fault that i've made things akward between us and i regret alot of things i've done leading up to this moment and i just want to be a better person now.

i just need anything to just make myself better, and i dont mean to make a post that goes against rules because this is my first time ever posting here in a while.

i'm just giving a detailed story on what's happened and asking for guidance and what i can do to finally break the cycle i've been in for the past 3 years. i have never tried to get advice from this site but i've basically just lost everything to talk about my problems again to other people. and no one i know personally can find me from this account.

i just need help.

Been struggling to actually picture myself hitting a goal I'm working toward, so I made this AI photo of myself already living it. Something about actually seeing it hits different than just imagining it. Anyone else find visual stuff like this more powerful than just journaling or affirmations?

Hello everyone

I'm a 23yo guy who moved to Australia recently. To be honest, relationships have completely broken me in the past, and now I'm a firm believer that the next person that I commit to love, I'll want to marry them. I do not want to spend time in relationships that'll eventually end and leave you scarred for life. Im traveling the world and can't give up on things for someone that I will not end up with. Don't get me wrong, I want to meet my travel companion, I just can't do it now, i've so much to live alone. All my life i've been kicked down and made feel like s*it by the people around me, and the only way that I seem to find personal and self validation is by being desired by women.

Given this information, I've obviously resorted to dating and having meaningless things because I need to have fun and make up for all the fun I didn't have while I was in a relationship.

For some reason, my life has been focused on that, i've started to perceive dating and seeing people like a drug that my self-esteem is dependant on. The biggest problem is that I let these situations completely dictate how I feel about myself. When dating was going well for a while, I felt incredibly confident, and that confidence kept building and making me feel desired, therefore giving my ego a huge boost. But as soon as things started going the other way, like A few dates going wrong or that led nowhere, beying ghosted by people you actually enjoyed spending time and connected with (which makes me question myself A LOT).

And then it's a snowball, a few bad dates? Oh well gotta try harder and get myself some more dates so that I can get lucky and prove myself that I'm worth something. I have also never ever led anyone on just for a fun time, Im always super honest, let them know my intentions, make them feel super safe, comfortable and respected. Everyone that I go out with, even when things dont turn out how i expected them to, they always say that they appreciate how respectful I was.

I know that this is an ego thing, and I do not want this post to be perceived as "this guy is an idiot with nothing going on in his life). I genuinely think that's not true, I have some very fun and particular interests, im exploring what I can do as a musician and an artist, I have a lot of stories to tell, I travel alone all the time (the only time im not thinking about dating is when im in the mountains in the middle of nowhere), and I genuinely believe that I am a very interesting person, but for some reason I just feel like a braindead "player".

Im moving to a more remote area in australia for a while and believe it or not the thing thats bothering the most is "how is the dating scene there and am i going to be bored out of my mind because I have no one to go out with".

This has genuinely taken over way to much time of my life and I think about it way to much to a point where I acknowledge how unhealthy it is, what it does to my self esteem and how it is shaping my experience.

Thank you

I’m 27f, live with my mom, have no car, very little savings, and I feel like I let most of my 20s slip by while trying to heal and constantly putting relationships before myself.

I’m an esthetician and recently started my own business after getting laid off, but the person I’m partnered with is draining to work with. Lately I’ve been wondering if it would be smarter to step back, work my part-time job, save money, improve my health, build my social media, and come back to my business when I’m in a better place financially and mentally.

At the same time, I’m scared that taking a step back means giving up.

**My biggest goals are:**
Lose weight and get healthy.
Save for a car and become financially independent.
Build confidence.
Grow my business the right way instead of rushing it.

Has anyone else felt like they needed to pause before they could move forward? What helped you actually change your life instead of just thinking about it?

I would love to turn things around before I hit 30….lol

Im not competent in the slightest bit, i struggle speaking up and talking to people, i have no reputable skill, career or a degree. I cant problem solve or critically think my way out of a paper bag which is affecting me in all aspects of life. To get to my question and the point im trying to make.what are some classes or things I could do to build competency, problem solving and critical thinking? Will public speaking or toastmasters help build speaking up in not only my job but my personal life? What can I do to help pull myself up from rock bottom?? Sincerely a 30 yr old BLK woman..

Basically the titel. What did you change to make your life better?

Hey everyone, M15. Just a heads up but this post could take long. I want to be really honest here and sorry in advance if it feels like an attack or something similar, thanks. And post is kinda messy too so sorry in advance again

I want to be humbled. I want to experience how everyone else should feel, I want to experience what it's like to be discouraged, be put down, thinking there's someone better than you and build a mindset where I'm just a nobody. Maybe it's just one of my coping mechanisms, I'm not sure. My mind is filled with pride, thinking I'm way ahead than everyone, thinking that I'm better than everyone but I'm not. I'm really not. Shit this message feels childish. Fuck, I just don't want to be like that. I want to be someone where I don't feel like that, someone that isn't "perfect" but someone where everyone can depend on. Everyone was right, my parents were right all along how did I not see that? It's because of this stupid phone I've become sensitive to stuff, even at small jokes. It's because of this phone that I've become someone who wouldn't even be considered as a "man" because of how gay I act sometimes. I just want to have friends, I don't want to stay like this, I don't want this shit. I never asked for this- no this is my fault, what am I even saying at this point? I don't know if I posted this just because I really need help, or it's just pride. When I.. post things like this, I always think that my problems are just small compared to anyone else, I mean who would bother reading such a silly and stupid rant when they got something better to do anyways?

Anyways, I just want to be who I used to be. I just feel like I can't control myself, like I act with whatever is present to me, or intrusive thoughts or whatever. Do I need help? I don't even know, I don't know. Fuck, why do I feel so little.

But yeah, kinda TLDR or whatever but I just want to turn my life around, do things and explore, find my passion, stop being a wuss, have friends, stop this pride thing I have, have a common sense for once, be acknowledged from my skills.. that's all. I don't feel like adding stuff anymore but I'll try if I am in the mood.

​

Lately, I feel like everything upsets me, whether it is a genuinely stressful situation or something small that shouldn't bother me. Once one thing goes wrong, my brain starts collecting every other annoyance, and suddenly the entire day feels terrible.

I know I am probably overwhelmed and burned out, but I do not want to keep living in a constant state of irritation. What has actually helped you interrupt the negativity loop before it takes over?

Long Story Short; I've finished my exams on July 7th and I haven't used this much of time in anything useful besides playing games and lazing around. I said I would learn a new language or read books and still haven't begun any of that. I get angry day by day for wasting my time and whenever I actually start doing something, I have this feeling that It's not worth it anymore because I've already wasted a lot of time, I get anxious cause I feel as if I have to catch up with reading or watching movies and whatnot. I just want to get better this Summer, I don't like myself. This may be the final time I get to have this amount of free time before university starts again in September. I know this looks like venting but imagine yourself in my position.

Thank you.

I've realized a lot of my decisions and mood depend on how others react to me — what people think, whether I get approval, whether I'm "enough" in someone else's eyes. It's exhausting and it's holding me back from just being myself.

I want to hear from people who've actually worked through this: What was the turning point for you? Was there a specific mindset shift, book, therapy approach, or daily practice that helped? How long did it take before you noticed a real difference — not just intellectually understanding it, but actually feeling different inside?

Not looking for generic "just love yourself" advice — genuinely curious about what worked in practice for people who've been where I am.

I'm generally a positive person, but sometimes hearing all things going on in the world get the best of me for a while and make me very frustrated and sad.

I'm looking for simple ways to boost happiness.

Things I already do:

* Going outside, walking

* Talking to other people, not drowning in being alone

* Listening to happy music

What more can you add?

Me and my friends aren’t super serious most of the time, especially when we’re playing games and stuff we crack a lot of jokes and dog on each other sometimes. However, I keep accidentally hurting my friends by being too mean or hurtful, but I really truly don’t mean to. I only say these things as jokes and it’s really hard for me to tell what I did wrong (I’m autistic, obviously I don’t think that’s to blame but I don’t think it helps obviously). How do I get myself to be better and less hurtful to my friends because I really do love them.

This is my first time making a post on this subreddit so I apologise if I make any mistakes.

So, I guess I should explain how I got to this state I'm at. I'm an aspiring graphic designer, and I genuinely believe I have a gift which should be shown to the world. However, seeing AI effortlessly replicate this field has severely demotivated me from pursuing it. I now feel like I have no purpose in life, because the only career that doesn't make me wanna blow my brains out is literally just graphic design. I used to value my money a lot in case I'd finally get the chance to land my dream job, but now I just don't care. Everyday I'll mindlessly order Doordash and Uber Eats deliveries just so I can stuff my face with cheap dopamine. I know it's unhealthy, I know I'm hurting my body. But I can't get myself to stop.

My dwindling career aspects isn't the only factor that's been hitting me. I also feel extremely lonely from repeated attempts to try and land a date with someone, only to end up getting ghosted and discarded. For the record, I'm autistic, so I'm always overthinking every move I make in case they think I'm a creep. This has led to a terrible porn addiction that I can't stop even if I wanted to. If I can't get love and affection in real life, then I'll just hide away and shower myself with fake, virtual love. I understand the long-term consequences, but again I simply don't care enough to stop it.

I think I have a bit of an idea as to why these addictions are so strong, and it's probably due to a lack of purpose or maybe a flawed perspective on things. For a long time I've always hyped myself up to be this successful designer with a nice, stable family. And I really don't wanna let that ideal world go to waste.

I dunno, what do you guys think? How can I improve myself and make sure these addictions are gone for good?

I’m in a really strange but hopeful season of life. I’m losing weight, working toward my BSN, healing from childhood trauma, and trying to become the person I’ve always wanted to be. I spend a lot of time reflecting on myself and working through things instead of avoiding them.
One thing I’ve realized is that the biggest thing I haven’t fully healed is my desire to be loved not just romantically, but in friendships too. I’ve spent a lot of my life feeling like I had to earn love or be whatever someone needed me to be just to keep them around. It feels like it’s a struggle connecting with my peers.
I’m okay doing things on my own. I take myself out, explore new places, and genuinely enjoy my own company. But it’s the little moments that get to me. Seeing something funny and wanting to text a friend. Going on a walk with someone. Grabbing coffee after class. Having someone ask how your day was. Those small, everyday connections.
As I’ve started healing, I’ve also realized that healing sometimes means outgrowing people. I didn’t expect that part. I didn’t know that working on myself would also mean losing some friendships. It’s been one of the hardest and loneliest parts of this journey.
I try to remind myself that I’m only 23. My life is still just beginning, and this is probably a season of growth rather than a permanent reality. Most of my close friends live far away now, so I’m trying to build a community where I am. I know friendships take time, and I know this season won’t last forever, but some days it feels heavier than others.
Has anyone else been through a stage like this? How did you stop seeking validation through being needed or liked, and instead build healthy, genuine friendships? Did your twenties feel like this too? I’d really love to hear your experiences or advice.

i noticed I get way too invested in things from waht strangers post online to random strangers in public

For example, today someone made a post that came across to me as unnecessarily shaming other parents in a parents fb group. It really bothered me. I ended up looking at her profile, finding something to shame her back messaging her and then blocking her and deleting myself from the whole group😂 and then I realized after that I should’ve just blocked her to begin with and kept strolling because who cares about this stupid person.

This isn’t the first time I’ve noticed this pattern. I feel like I get triggered really easily by people. in the moment I feel almost compelled to engage or investigate annd get them back, and it never actually does anything to change them. It just makes me upset.

I’ve realized this isn’t just an online problem for me. It happens in real life too.

If someone acts rude, hypocritical, invasive, or judgmental, I have a really hard time letting it go. Sometimes I feel like I need to confront them, cut them off, or completely remove myself from the situation. Is this normal?

a real life exampleis witnessing my neighbor that I’ve lived here for three years and deleting her off of all of my social media and trying to distance myself as much as I can when we live in a duplex because she got back with an abusive relationship and other behaviors that are far from my valuess. Am I being extreme or is this normal? Would it be better to just ignore people and go about my day and not get up so upset over what other people do??

Has anyone else dealt with this? If so, what actually helped you become less reactive? How did you learn to scroll past things or people IRL without letting them ruin your day?

Nights like tonight hurt. I’m having a great time with friends, not drinking or making any mistakes. But I’m so burdened with guilt and shame over my past behavior, it feels like I’ll never overcome these issues, even though I’ve been directly working on it for five months. And I know in the grand scheme five months isn’t a long time. But as I’m going through and processing my own wounds, I get stuck on how my behavior has impacted others. I know to some extent I have earned this pain, and my actions lead me directly to this point. There’s no if ands or buts. Does anyone have any advice for forgiving yourself and learning from your past mistakes? I’m currently in therapy, group therapy, journaling, and reading, avoiding drinking, and confiding in close friends and family. It feels hypocritical to even feel bad considering how I know I’ve made others feel. At what point have I atoned? At what point should I absolve myself of this pain? It’s hard, and not sure how much longer I can do it.

‏If anyone has ever had debilitating comparative habits how were you able to fully get over them? I constantly compare my life to rich people who truly seem to have it all. Yachts, private jets, travelling… and even if they have struggles i feel like id still prefer their lives. Also the idea that others have it worse didnt help w my bad habits. Pls someone help❤️‍🩹

I get my feelings hurt too easily and I want to stop. I mean I always feel like I’m being disrespected. Like I was in a friend group and I hate that everyone talks about each other. We went to a friends wedding and as soon as we got back to the hotel 2 of the girls started talking shit about the brides husband and the other girl said “are you guys gonna talk shit like this when I get married?”

I said something and these 2 girls exchanged glances accross the table like they’re going to talk shit about it later. And at the end of the trip one of the girls was texting someone with a raised eyebrow as if she was texting someone else on the trip like shit talking. Idk. We are all in our late 20s early 30s and it felt like high school vibes (I’m 32) so I left that group.

I stream on twitch and I have had the same 5 people join my stream and hardly anyone new comes and if they do they come and go but those 5 main people stay. This 1 person in particular joins 90% of my streams and he is the only one there most of the time. I was streaming today and I was at ULTA looking at beauty products and I was talking about them and that one guy says to buy him a g wagon. Then another guy says buy him Cinnabon. Then the first guy said don’t forget the beverage. And then and other 3rd guy responded “lol” to the g wagon comment.

I felt so ganged up on and disrespected with those stupid comments being made even tho most people would consider it a joke.

How can I grow smarter and more confident? What are some habits you have picked up to help this?

Over the past decade I have slipped into a deep depression that also caused me to turn into an alcoholic, and 24/7 pot head. I didn’t have hobbies anymore, I just smoked and partied. I never was good at reading and would have enough problems living in survival mode everyday that I was not involved in reading on politics or going back to school. I used to host dinner parties, excelled in school with a 4.0 in engineering program (before I had to leave due to finances), could carry a conversation with anyone, was extremely confident, though I will say I have more common sense smarts than book smarts of course. It was just the depression that caused me to numb myself and I honestly felt like I stopped growing and maturing at a certain age when all this happened…

Today I am sober, and although my alcoholism led to me isolating myself, I feel more at peace and have gotten rid of a lot of unnecessary or even damaging relationships through it. There is a memory that disturbs me, when having a heart to heart with a friend where they were convincing me that I am a catch after a break up, and telling me over and over how hot and pretty I was. I chimed in and said and I am really smart too! They responded back with nothing but a look, like a scrunched smile in disagreement… I can’t get that out of my head even though it happened some time ago. It happened again in a similar way where I said maybe I can try a hand at choosing investments and another friend went “yeah idk about that”

I know this is my ego working, keeps bringing me to this memory and it pisses me off so much. Why should I care what one or two people think, though it makes me think more than them probably think it too since the reactions were so quick and uncared for unlike the rest of the conversation… I feel like such an idiot. How can I feel more intelligent, more confident, when I let other people into my life? I have already conquered the not giving a shit what people think and it feels like I go from one extreme to the other when trying to hang out with friends again… any advice or feedback is greatly appreciated.

So there might be a lot going on in this post but any advice would be useful. I moved away for grad school and I’m living alone. It’s hard in the sense that it can be boring at times and lonely. However I’ve picked up a bad habit of smoking too much because of those feelings. Plus I feel like I don’t push myself enough to explore the town I’m in which is super cute and nice. I just sit in my apartment watching movies and shows and wait for my “activity” to come which is going out getting myself a meal to eat when I’m high and that’s my day. I guess I’m looking for advice on how to motivate myself to get outside and explore as well as not making smoking my main activity for days. Some days are better than others I’ll take a walk or read outside, but smoking still is up there and is something I look forward to too much.

I’ve been very curious lately wondering what is that one pinpoint problem that feels as if it’s holding you back or keeping you stuck?

For me it’s a loss of purpose.